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00:00Betty White, in Life with Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:19The number one in the life of Elizabeth occurred because Alvin is grouchy in the morning.
00:24Some people just wake up grouchy and there's nothing you can do about it.
00:28While others wake up happy and singing, like Elizabeth.
00:34Elizabeth, how are you this morning?
00:38Have a beef with Alvin?
00:47What's he doing? Looking for a towel?
00:50Why don't you help him find one?
00:51You're serving something.
00:58Your right arm.
00:59Oh, it serves him right.
01:01You're right.
01:10Can I see you for a moment, Alvin?
01:12This is the wrong time to talk to each other, Elizabeth.
01:13Surely we can still speak, in spite of our research.
01:14Can I see you for a moment, Alvin?
01:25This is the wrong time to talk to each other, Elizabeth.
01:29Surely we can still speak in spite of our recent unpleasantness.
01:32The time to talk was when I staggered all over the house with soap in my eyes.
01:36A helping hand would have been appreciated.
01:40Just the same, I'd like to reestablish diplomatic relations
01:43long enough to make a simple statement.
01:45Why aren't there ever any towels in the bathroom?
01:49Why didn't you check on the towels before you washed?
01:52Because I was so surprised to find soap in the bathroom in the first place.
01:56You're absolutely right, Alvin.
01:58I shouldn't leave soap in the bathroom.
02:00The minute I do, you put it in your eyes.
02:03I'm an energetic washer, that's all.
02:07May I make my statement now?
02:09What statement?
02:10The statement I'm about to make.
02:12Is it important?
02:15Forget it.
02:17No.
02:17Go on, let's hear the statement.
02:20Never mind.
02:21Go on back and put more soap in your eyes and then come back to breakfast.
02:24You said you had a statement to make.
02:25State.
02:28All right.
02:32You're using my towel.
02:34That's the statement?
02:36That's the statement.
02:37So what?
02:38So what, what?
02:40So what, I'm using your towel.
02:42So stop using it.
02:44Stop there, Elizabeth.
02:46Let's not be ready for this, Alvin.
02:47I picked this yellow one because I know that you prefer the blue.
02:52Cut it out, Alvin.
02:53It's my towel.
02:55It's mine.
02:56Why?
02:58Because it says hers.
02:59Look out for my knuckles.
03:00Sorry.
03:02If it says hers, then it's not yours.
03:05What are you expecting to say?
03:06Elizabeth, her towel?
03:08Alvin, my ring.
03:09Let go.
03:10Alvin, you're crashing my engagement ring against the table.
03:14Let go.
03:14Alvin, you're hurting me.
03:15Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
03:16Oh, dear.
03:17I didn't mean to let me see.
03:18Honey, oh.
03:18I'm sorry, honey.
03:20Well, I hope you're satisfied.
03:21The glass is all shattered.
03:23Oh, well, naturally.
03:26Glass.
03:28Oh, darling, I shouldn't have said that.
03:30I'm sorry.
03:31Well, I'm not sorry anymore.
03:34Yes, you are.
03:36Aren't you?
03:38Uh-huh.
03:41I'll get your eggs for you.
03:42I've been keeping them warm in the oven all this time.
03:44Good.
03:44I'll go get a shirt on, honey.
03:49Honey?
04:00Yeah?
04:01How would you like your eggs sunny side gone?
04:05The sun is...
04:07Boy, is that a mess.
04:09What are those black things?
04:11The yellows.
04:13What are the yellow things?
04:14The whites.
04:16What's that crack thing?
04:17My engagement ring.
04:20I think there's time to fix some more.
04:23You character.
04:24Engagement.
04:25You're going to have to eat something else.
04:27Those are the last two eggs I had.
04:29Well, don't you have sausage or bacon or something?
04:31Uh-uh.
04:31I don't think so.
04:35How about some meatloaf?
04:37No, no, thank you, dear.
04:38Toasted coffee will be fine.
04:42Now, you see how nice you can be?
04:43Three minutes ago, if I had told you your eggs were burned, you'd have flown into a towering...
04:49What is it, people fly into a towering?
04:55Timper?
04:55A grouch.
04:56Grouch.
04:57I never heard of anybody flying into a towering grouch.
05:00Rage!
05:01You'd have flown into a towering rage.
05:03You'd have gotten pretty nasty, too.
05:04Yeah.
05:05See, I hate to get up grouchy in the mornings.
05:07Although, you know something I kind of enjoyed, that dignified fight we had?
05:10You know what you should have said when I said you always get soap in your eyes?
05:17What?
05:17I couldn't think of a thing at the time.
05:20You should have said, well, everybody says I have the cleanest eyes in town.
05:25Now, why didn't I think of that?
05:28I thought we'd never get through saying, so what?
05:31Remember, so what what?
05:32Sounded like a couple of motorboats.
05:34The best thing you said, though, was when I said, I'm sorry, too.
05:38And you said, I'm not sorry anymore.
05:40I was so proud of you.
05:41Well, thanks.
05:42I got a kick out of that society voice.
05:44May I make my statement?
05:46Oh, do it, do it.
05:47Oh, come on, do it once.
05:50May I make my statement now?
05:54And you got so dignified, your eyebrows went clear up into your hair.
05:57Oh.
06:00I wish we'd had a recording in that room.
06:02Yeah.
06:02Don't throw it, sweetheart.
06:04I'll only have to pick it up.
06:05Honey, we don't want it at the table.
06:07Well, leave it on the back of the chair where it was.
06:09Honey, it's wet.
06:10Let go, Elizabeth.
06:11Alvin, I don't want you to throw it.
06:13Oh, please, let go.
06:15Elizabeth, you let go.
06:18If I let go, you'll only throw it over in the corner and I'll have to pick it up.
06:22Elizabeth, I don't want it on the back of the chair.
06:25It's wet.
06:26It is not wet.
06:28The soap you didn't get in your eyes is probably dry by now.
06:32Then I probably have the prettiest eyes in town.
06:34Not the prettiest, the cleanest.
06:36And think up your own lines.
06:40You gonna let go?
06:42No.
06:43Ow!
06:43Ow!
06:46Darling, I'm sorry.
06:49Honey, come on back.
06:52Hey, I heard you say you were sorry.
06:54Do you mean it?
06:54Sure, I do.
06:55We may not have raised our voices, but that's one of the silliest arguments we've ever had.
07:00Yeah, it sure was.
07:01See, what's the line about the soap?
07:02I never can remember it.
07:04Well, if you get soap in your eyes, they get clean.
07:06Oh.
07:07Whose towel is this?
07:08Mine.
07:09See?
07:09It says his.
07:11Huh?
07:11Well, you can use mine for today.
07:14Well, why?
07:15I'm his.
07:16Yeah, but you've already used hers.
07:18Look, honey, yours is hers.
07:20His is mine.
07:21But for today, you use hers, and that makes hers yours, and I'll use his.
07:25Give me the towel.
07:26Come on.
07:27Let's go to the power.
07:28All I want is just power.
07:29Well, you better.
07:30I'm getting busy.
07:31Let's go this way.
07:32Let's go this way.
07:33Don't be silly.
07:33Give me the towel.
07:34Give me the towel.
07:35Elizabeth.
07:38Alvin, we did it again.
07:39It's hard to believe we could be so childish.
07:42You were right about the other towel, honey.
07:44I got soap on it.
07:45Not only that, I spilled aftershave lotion on it, too.
07:47Well, not that stuff that smells like a decayed soup.
07:51Oh.
07:53Honey, look at the time.
07:54Yeah.
07:54Oh, my gosh.
07:55I got a coat, honey.
07:55Quick.
07:56I got a coat.
08:09Honey, honey, I figured out a way not to get the towels mixed up.
08:21Look at this.
08:21Well, so did I.
08:22Look.
08:22Look here.
08:23Oh, mine is better.
08:26Look at this.
08:28Huh?
08:29Oh, honey.
08:29Cut it out now.
08:30Oh, you want a play.
08:33No, you don't cheat.
08:37Remember, you made a rule.
08:38Oh, you're never fostered.
08:40I know, yeah.
08:40I don't know.
08:41Hold it.
08:42Honey, look at the time.
08:43Oh, my gosh.
08:44I'll call you later, honey.
08:45Bye.
08:47Elizabeth.
08:48What?
08:49Aren't you ashamed?
08:54Incident number two in the life of Elizabeth occurred on a shopping trip.
08:59Have you ever gone on a shopping spree with Elizabeth?
09:01Well, Alvin has, and he compares it unfavorably with a pack trip through Death Valley in the
09:08company of a team of demented burrows and a headless guide.
09:18May I help you?
09:19No, thanks.
09:19Do you mind if I put the stuff out?
09:21Of course not.
09:22You doing my shopping?
09:23No, I'm just the donkey that carries the stuff.
09:25My wife does the shopping.
09:26She's over there.
09:27If you look quick, you can see her leaping from counter to counter.
09:29Women don't really like to buy.
09:32They just like to shop.
09:33You're not kidding.
09:34Where do you gals get all the energy from, anyway?
09:37Believe me, once we get behind this counter, we lose it.
09:40Yeah, well.
09:41Honey, do you think you can make up into a cute dress?
09:43Sure, buy it.
09:44You know the kind I mean with little puff sleeves, maybe?
09:46Yeah.
09:47Oh, that sounds darling.
09:49Do you really think so?
09:50I have a little bolero I could wear with it.
09:52Isn't that a little too fussy?
09:53You know, you're absolutely right.
09:56I hadn't thought of that.
09:58Alvin, would you take this back to that lady over there with the red hair?
10:01Oh, honey, now...
10:03Go on, just give it to her and thank her for her trouble.
10:05Donkey.
10:06Don't even eat grass.
10:08The one with the red hair.
10:10He's just about finished.
10:12They're all the same.
10:13Is there something I can help you with here?
10:15Well, I was thinking about an alarm clock.
10:18Fine, we have all kinds.
10:20We have one here that actually starts the coffee percolating.
10:22This one.
10:23No, thanks.
10:24I might lose Alvin if he found out the clock makes better coffee than I do.
10:30That's cute.
10:31Oh, it's just a little joke.
10:32I make him up.
10:35For your information, the lady with the red hair was a customer.
10:40Oh, I'm sorry.
10:41I'm buying you an alarm clock.
10:42Elizabeth, you said that piece of cloth was the last thing you were going to buy.
10:46Come on.
10:46But I didn't buy it.
10:47How much is this?
10:48That's exciting.
10:49Buy it.
10:50It's a little more than I had in mind.
10:52We have one here for $4.95.
10:55We'll take it.
10:55Don't bother to wrap it.
10:56Wait a minute, darling.
10:58Does this have the luminous dial?
11:00Let's see now.
11:01No, I don't believe so.
11:02No, it doesn't.
11:03How much are the earrings?
11:04For a dollar of hair.
11:06You'll love them.
11:07Try them on.
11:07Try them on.
11:08I'm so sorry.
11:10Is there a bracelet that goes with the set?
11:12Yes, there is.
11:12Right here.
11:13That makes the set $2.50.
11:15Yes, and thank you.
11:16How do you like these, darling?
11:17Elizabeth, get the clock and let's get out of here.
11:20The clock would be too heavy for my shell-like ears.
11:24She's right.
11:25Elizabeth, would you please get the clock?
11:27My feet are killing me, honey.
11:29Come on.
11:30No, a clock won't fix your feet.
11:33Wait till I tell the girls about this.
11:36Oh, he's right, though.
11:37I've kept him out all afternoon.
11:40You say this one's $4.95?
11:42Yes, it is, but I have one over here for $5.50 with the luminous dial.
11:46Buy it.
11:47I'm not so fast.
11:48What good is a luminous dial without luminous hands?
11:52Right?
11:53Right.
11:56How much is that bracelet in there?
11:58This is $5.
12:00No, not that one.
12:00This one.
12:01Buy it.
12:01This one, my dear, is $750.
12:08Buy it.
12:09No.
12:11Yes, I know.
12:12It's a ridiculous item for a store of this type,
12:14but the boss says whoever sells it gets a two-weeks vacation.
12:18Can we get back to the clock now?
12:20Is that gentleman trying to attract your attention?
12:23Oh, yes, Mr. Featherington.
12:25I'll be right back.
12:26All right, fine.
12:27Let's go.
12:27Oh, no, no, wait a minute.
12:29You can't leave.
12:30But men, she didn't hear me.
12:32You can't leave a $750 bracelet like...
12:34Elizabeth, I don't care what you do.
12:36If you want me, I'll be in men's camping equipment.
12:39But...
12:40But...
12:40Young lady, hello.
12:56I'd like to look at that pendant, please.
13:00There it is.
13:02Back here.
13:05Say please.
13:06Look here, young woman.
13:08I haven't stolen enough stock in this company
13:10to make it very difficult for the sales lady in this department.
13:13Are you the sales lady in this department?
13:16Well, the funniest thing happened.
13:18We were standing here,
13:19and she was showing us this bracelet down here for $750...
13:23And she...
13:24This pendant right here?
13:28Yeah.
13:28Let me look at it.
13:29Hmm.
13:31I don't like it.
13:33I don't either.
13:36For you, I mean.
13:37It's...
13:37It isn't...
13:39What would you think of some...
13:41How about a watch bar, will you?
13:44That's why a lot of people like to have their watches barbed.
13:47I'm glad, but...
13:48What do you have in my mind?
13:51In mine?
13:52I'd like a simple piece of jewelry.
13:55One to set the face off.
13:58How about a fuse?
13:59I couldn't resist that.
14:03You said set my face off and a fuse would...
14:07A few what?
14:10A few pieces of jewelry.
14:13Like a set.
14:14Like...
14:14Like these.
14:15Oh, yes.
14:16Let me see that.
14:17It's $149.
14:19Oh.
14:20Small to nice.
14:21No, I'm sorry.
14:22That's $1.49.
14:24Have you anything else?
14:26What's the matter with it?
14:28I detest cheap jewelry.
14:32When you thought it was $149, you liked it.
14:35You see, that proves it's all in your mind.
14:36If you had known this was $1.40...
14:39Do you mind if I show you something special?
14:44If you want to buy something, get on the other side of the counter.
14:48Well, that's really attractive.
14:54It ought to be.
14:54It's genuine everything.
14:56Oh.
14:57And what is the price?
15:02$750.
15:05It's the last one we have.
15:06They're going like hotcakes.
15:10Hey, did you happen to see the...
15:11Hey, miss.
15:12Did you see a...
15:13Elizabeth?
15:15Lady.
15:16Please, lady.
15:17Don't you realize what you're doing here?
15:19Emily, would you take care of this gentleman, please?
15:21Yes.
15:22Gentleman?
15:23Say, what's going on here?
15:24You tell me.
15:25Looks like she's trying to sell the bracelet you left on the counter to that lady.
15:29I forgot about it.
15:30If the boss ever finds out, I'll be fired.
15:33I'll take this.
15:35Good.
15:37Emily, would you write this up for the...
15:39Yes, Miss Perkins.
15:40Yes, Miss Perkins.
15:42Tell her I'll never forget her for this.
15:44Here, this is on me.
15:46Would that be a charge, madame?
15:47Why, of course.
15:48I'm proud of you, sweetie.
15:50Let's go.
15:51Have a nice vacation.
15:52Bye.
15:59Incident number three in the life of Elizabeth occurred on tax day.
16:04And the way it turned out, it was a rather taxing day.
16:07What was the mix-up?
16:08Why should I explain it?
16:10Here is incident number three in the life of Elizabeth.
16:12Honey.
16:17Where are you heading?
16:18Market.
16:19Would you stay here till I get back in case the tax man arrives?
16:21What tax man?
16:23Personal property tax.
16:24I got a card saying they'd be here today.
16:25I won't be gone more than five minutes.
16:27Hey, wait a minute.
16:27I know you and your five minutes.
16:29Now, I've got work to do in the garage, Elizabeth.
16:31Minutes.
16:32I know you and your five minutes.
16:33You said minutes.
16:34It should be minutes.
16:35Unless you had an apostrophe in there, and I don't think you did.
16:37I throw these little things in just to keep you off balance.
16:42I'll be right back.
16:43I'll be out in the garage.
16:45Sweetheart, wait a minute.
16:46Honey, you don't understand.
16:47Somebody has to be here to tell the tax man how worthless everything is.
16:51He can see that for himself.
16:52I'll be in the garage.
16:55Okay, I'll write him a note.
16:59Have you seen my hammer?
17:01It should be right in your toolbox.
17:03Right in the toolbox.
17:07Okay, explain this.
17:09Honey.
17:10Honey, he chewed the handle right off my best hammer.
17:13Wait till you see the lawnmower.
17:15You're going to have to mow the lawn on your knees.
17:17We shouldn't get a chihuahua.
17:19No, we had to get a St. Bernard.
17:21That ought to do it.
17:22Now, look, when you're down at the market, honey,
17:23would you be kind enough to get Stormy some bones?
17:25Stormy's a good boy.
17:27Now, if you are here when the tax man arrives,
17:29be sure and tell him how inexpensive everything is.
17:31Elizabeth, this is an open invitation to burglary.
17:34Why?
17:35Are you going to hang this on the front door?
17:37Well, of course I am.
17:38All it says is come in and make yourself at home back soon.
17:42I know what it says.
17:43Suppose some burglar saw that.
17:44He'd walk in and steal us silly.
17:46On a Saturday afternoon in broad daylight.
17:50Listen, some of those smooth operators
17:52move right in across the street from the police station
17:54because they least expect it.
17:56Are you still going to go out in the garage?
17:57I am.
17:59Well, that just proves you don't believe a word you're saying.
18:03I'll buy you some comic books.
18:07Hey, don't forget the bones for Stormy.
18:11What's that sense?
18:13Woo-hoo!
18:18Oh, yeah, okay.
18:20Let's go.
18:21All right, let's see.
18:24Oh, my.
18:48Bye.
19:56We got my list.
20:00Oh, it's you.
20:01How do you do?
20:03Well, it's a good thing I came back.
20:05I hadn't expected you quite so soon.
20:07I can always do my shopping later.
20:09The trouble with you fellas is we never know when to expect you.
20:11I'll plan it that way.
20:14You seem to.
20:16Is there something wrong with your hands?
20:18Oh, no.
20:19Just a reflex.
20:20A nice place you have here.
20:22Oh, well, thank you.
20:24Like my husband says, there's nothing in it worth stealing.
20:27We'll see.
20:28Won't you sit down?
20:29Oh, no, thanks.
20:30It sort of gives me a trapped feeling.
20:35Gold?
20:36Brass.
20:40Would you like me to close the window?
20:43Oh, no.
20:43This is just a result of my reflex.
20:45You see, my hands are this way so often that the blood leaves them and they get cold.
20:49That theory should leave you with hot elbows.
20:55Charming.
20:56Here I am wasting your time.
20:58Where should we start?
21:00Your jewelry?
21:01Oh, no.
21:01One of your boys got that last year.
21:04You know something?
21:05I'd like your attitude about this whole thing.
21:07Well, thank you.
21:08Your hospitality has made me relax completely.
21:11It's so selling that one of my, shall we say, victims takes a sensible attitude.
21:17You realize you're helpless and you don't fight it.
21:19But I admire you.
21:20Well, I think you're putting it a little strongly when you use the word victims.
21:24Actually, we just look on it as nothing more than our civic duty.
21:28You don't?
21:30In a way, it's kind of a shame that our things are so inexpensive.
21:36Well, let's have a go at it anyway.
21:38All right, what would you like to see first?
21:41Your silverware.
21:42I get it.
21:49Here.
21:54Here.
21:55Sterling?
21:56What metal?
21:56Uh-oh.
21:57What have we here?
21:59Well, the reason your boys didn't get that last year, that's new.
22:03It needs a little something for me, doesn't it?
22:05Is this setting for 12?
22:07Oh, no, no, no, only eight.
22:09That's just plate, of course.
22:12Oh, so I see.
22:13Well, we'll just leave that here for the time being.
22:16Anything else?
22:18Uh, the television set is new.
22:23That won't fit in the briefcase.
22:25What about the refrigerator that year?
22:32Lady, I didn't bring a truck.
22:39You didn't bring a truck.
22:45Anything else?
22:47You didn't bring a what?
22:50Look, I appreciate your generosity, but it'd be a little difficult to fence a refrigerator.
22:55You're a crook.
23:06Let's not be that way.
23:08I thought we had an understanding.
23:11Elizabeth!
23:12It's funny, I saw Mrs. Skinridge up the street.
23:14She says that the tax man is...
23:16This man is a crook.
23:17Who?
23:18Where?
23:18What?
23:18Have you got a gun?
23:20Yes.
23:20Who?
23:21What a gun?
23:21Where?
23:21Who?
23:23Hi.
23:24Hi.
23:25Well, darling, call the police.
23:27Don't just stand there.
23:28The man's a thief.
23:29Are you sure?
23:30Oh, let's just put it this way.
23:32I find things before they're lost.
23:34Well, I'll call the police, of course.
23:36Oh, I wouldn't advise that.
23:37Alvin, he wouldn't advise me.
23:38Well, who cares?
23:39I'll tell you why I wouldn't advise it, sir.
23:40Although we appear to be the same size, I'm an expert at jiu-jitsu.
23:43You wouldn't have a chance.
23:45Besides, we'd wreck the furniture.
23:47You'd wind up with a few broken bones.
23:49There's no sense to it.
23:52What do you think I'd be doing all this time?
23:54Painting.
23:56Oh, with your permission, I'll just pack a few of your things.
23:59You don't scare me, buddy.
24:02He's right, Alvin.
24:03There's a sensible woman.
24:06Alvin, what's the weather like out tonight?
24:08Is it stormy?
24:09Oh, no, it's nice.
24:11Oh, she slipped her wig.
24:11Don't worry.
24:12Look, honey.
24:12Didn't it look stormy to you, Alvin?
24:14Don't be rich.
24:15Oh, oh, stormy.
24:17Stormy.
24:18I love it when the wind blows.
24:20Stormy.
24:20Stormy.
24:22Stormy.
24:23Are you leaving?
24:28Yes.
24:29Well, goodbye, y'all.
24:31Bye.
24:39Large, isn't he?
24:40He won't buy unless we tell him to.
24:42Storm.
24:44Alvin, do something to keep him awake.
24:48Stormy, save me.
24:49No, no, no, no.
24:51I'm leaving.
24:51I do.
24:52Police department, please.
24:54George?
24:54Does this go here?
24:55Yeah, yeah.
24:56How did you ever get started on this kind of a life?
24:58It was my folks.
24:59They wouldn't let me eat cereal.
25:00I believe this belongs to you.
25:01You'll like it in jail here.
25:02You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
25:03If you used half the energy to do it.
25:05Honey, I've been trying all my life to do it.
25:07Say goodbye to the people.
25:10Goodbye, everybody.
25:11Goodbye, everybody.
25:11Now, here to say goodbye to you is the lovely star of our show, Betty White.
25:18And thank you, everybody.
25:22Don't worry about the gentleman burglar.
25:24He decided to go straight.
25:26Straight to the city jail.
25:27But he isn't unhappy down there because he has the hacksaw concession.
25:32Be with us again next week, will you?
25:34And until we see you again, goodbye, everybody.
25:57We'll see you again next week, will you see you again next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you see you next week, will you
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