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00:00Fool if you think it's over
00:09Because you said goodbye
00:14Fool if you think it's over
00:17I'll tell you why
00:30Anyone here been to a prostitute?
00:34Well, personally I haven't
00:36Well, once
00:37Only for an estimate
00:39Actually, I've never really understood all that
00:55I mean, who wants to go to bed with a woman
00:57Who in all probability has complete contempt for you
00:59And is only doing it for the money
01:01I had enough of that when I was married
01:03I feel sort of guilty about this
01:12Oh, now, now, Robert
01:13And what are you up to, naughty face?
01:17Are you missing your big brother?
01:19Well, he's at his friend's house, isn't he?
01:22You know what I mean, though
01:23Oh, don't be as silly
01:25We're Becky's friends, too
01:27We were Becky's friends first
01:30Well, yes
01:31But I still don't like it
01:33Well, we're going to have to pack you off to your little bed now, aren't we?
01:37Oh, Trace, I only said I didn't like it
01:39I was talking to Jennifer, Robert
01:42Speaking of marriage
01:46My wife left me
01:47She said I only ever thought about sex
01:51I think she wanted me to do it as well
01:54Just keep thinking about poor old Mark
01:58Mark wouldn't mind us having Becky round
02:01With her new man
02:02The same one she left him for
02:04She left me, as a matter of fact, for an estate agent
02:07Can you imagine an estate agent making love?
02:13He probably panned house prices
02:1550,000, 80,000, 110
02:18Fully furnished, near all bus routes
02:20Oh, God, I'm gazumping!
02:22That'll be then
02:28Just can't help wondering how Mark would feel if he knew
02:31So how do I come to know this kind of detail about my wife's new lover?
02:36Well
02:36Hi
02:39May I come in?
02:50Pardon?
02:50Now come in
02:52Oh
02:53Of course, yes
02:55When would it be convenient for you?
02:59Now
03:00Right, finally, in you come
03:04Hi, Tracey
03:05Hello, Mark
03:06Look, you can relax
03:09I'm on my best behaviour
03:10I'm not about to make any offensively facetious remarks
03:12I promise
03:13Oh, look
03:15You've shaved your cat
03:18Sorry, that was the last one
03:20Promise
03:21Here
03:22Thanks
03:23Well
03:25It's awful nice to see you, Mark
03:28Yes, awful
03:29Nice
03:30Awful nice
03:31Look, I owe you two a big thank you
03:33You know, staying with me the night Becky left
03:35That was
03:35You know, it was a big help
03:37And I don't think I was as appreciative at the time as I should have been
03:39So, thank you
03:41It's all right
03:42We were pleased to do it, Mark
03:44Well, it was a big help
03:45It's good to have someone on my side
03:48Well, you know you can depend on us
03:50What is it? What's wrong?
03:54A car went past the house
03:56Thank God it missed
04:00See, you must find your front room a constant source of excitement
04:05So, Mark
04:07How have you been?
04:09Well, not so terrific, to be honest
04:10Kind of hard, you know, to adjust
04:13Are you busy?
04:15No
04:15Can't seem to concentrate
04:17Spend all my time staring at the walls
04:20Which isn't terribly interesting
04:21You know, the flat's a complete mess
04:24Don't seem to know what to do with myself anymore
04:27I sort of get up in the morning and sort of wander around
04:31I don't know, I just feel so aimless
04:35Well, we mustn't keep you
04:37Have I got the wrong day?
04:40What?
04:40Well, you did say come round tonight, didn't you?
04:42For dinner
04:42I'd better put Jennifer down
04:45Oh, so that's what you did with the cat
04:47Sorry, Mark
04:48I have to help get Jennifer to bed
04:50Yeah, I can see that
04:51You take her legs
04:52No, Robert
04:53You stay and talk to Mark
04:55No, no
04:56I'll help
04:57Okay
04:59But quickly
05:00See you in a moment
05:02It's happened to you
05:06You've got friends who've had babies
05:08You've seen the effect on them
05:09They were probably quite an interesting couple once
05:12Witty, intelligent
05:13And then the baby comes along, doesn't it?
05:17Well, I've got a theory about this
05:18You know, when a baby's born
05:19All the stuff that comes out afterwards, you know
05:21All the mess
05:22They say it's the placenta
05:24The afterbirth
05:25Well, they're lying
05:27You look closer
05:29It's the parents' brains
05:32You're thinking
05:36How did the father get his brains in there?
05:41Well, just think about this
05:42Where, generally speaking, are a man's brains located at around the time of conception?
05:47Stay the sleep
05:53How has he managed to come on the wrong night?
05:55I don't know
05:57Look, we've got to get him out of it
05:58For his own sake
05:59We've just got to find somewhere of telling him
06:01He's got to go
06:02Right
06:02Look, is there some kind of problem?
06:09I mean, do you want me to go?
06:10Oh, no, no, no
06:11You must stay
06:12We wouldn't hear of you leaving
06:13Absolutely not
06:14Well, fine
06:14For sure
06:15Hang on
06:18Well, you're expecting me to bring someone
06:20What are you two so nervous about?
06:23I mean, what's the crisis this time?
06:27Table for four?
06:29And Tracy's pretty jumpy about someone arriving
06:31Unless she's really that scared of the traffic
06:33So
06:34Oh, God, you weren't expecting me to bring a friend at all, were you?
06:40I mean, it might have been an idea to tell me that's what you had in mind
06:43Since it's a situation I would really rather avoid
06:45Oh, I think I heard Jennifer crying
06:48I'd best just go and get her to settle down again
06:51I'll take her legs
06:53Sorry, I'm overreacting
06:58It's just that, you know, it seems a little bit early for this
07:01Early?
07:03Yeah, to be setting me up on a blind date
07:05Ah
07:07Mark
07:10It doesn't matter, I don't appreciate what you're doing, I do
07:12You know, and I have to tell you that your and Tracy's loyalty is the one thing keeping me on my feet right now
07:17What's happening?
07:20Oh, nothing, nothing
07:21I expect there's just something wrong with the baby
07:23All right, darling
07:26Sorry, just got a little fright
07:28What was it this time, low-flying jet?
07:34Oh, right, very funny
07:35Well, aren't you going to get the door?
07:38Er, pardon?
07:40The doorbell, aren't you going to answer it?
07:42Oh, it doesn't matter
07:43Sure they'll ring back
07:46Look, before you wheel her in, and I will go through with this for your sake
07:51I just want to tell you why I'm getting so grouchy here
07:53The thing is, you're setting me up with some woman
07:55All I can think about is how Becky, my wife, the woman I love, is living with another man
08:01And it's really screwing me up
08:03I just want to know who the bastard is
08:06And how I can get his head on a pole
08:09Right, I see
08:14It's funny, isn't it?
08:15Lifelong wimp pacifist
08:16And suddenly there's someone in the world I'd kill on sight
08:18Actually, could you just give me a moment?
08:26What are you doing?
08:27Robert!
08:28Well, she sounds okay
08:29Is she my type?
08:30Er, Robert
08:31We can't go through with this
08:33Well, er
08:34It's all right, Tracy
08:35I don't mind
08:35You don't?
08:37No, look, you see
08:38Don't
08:39Any minute now
08:41I can deal with this, truly
08:44But it's so soon
08:45No, no, no, listen
08:46But could you just be patient?
08:50There were people here before you
08:51There's no need for that, Robert
08:55I let her in
08:56You know, I'm up to this
08:57I mean, what the hell
08:57Maybe we'll have fun
08:58What's wrong?
09:00You're just so brave
09:02Oh, God
09:03Just let her in, he says
09:05He's just being so brave, isn't he?
09:08Why, what's she like?
09:08She's a complete bitch and a slut
09:12Oh, thanks very much for this opportunity
09:14Look, Mark
09:16Could you wait upstairs for a moment?
09:18What?
09:19Er, I've just got to sort something out
09:21It's, er, part of a plan
09:23Oh, right, if you say so
09:24Great, thank you
09:25On you go, then
09:26All the way up
09:29You're the very next thing on the list
09:35Tracy!
09:37Carly, what is it?
09:38We're going to have to move house
09:39Oh, Robert
09:40I was making it up about the car just missing
09:42No
09:43Mark doesn't know it's Becky out there
09:45He thinks he's got a blind date
09:47No
09:47Yes
09:48And who do they think he's got a blind date with?
09:51What do we do?
09:54You're getting in one of your states again, Robert
09:56Now
09:58Where's Mark?
10:00Upstairs
10:00Well
10:01We'll just tell Becky Mark's here
10:02And she'll probably want to leave anyway
10:04But we can't tell her in front of her boyfriend
10:06How do we get her on her own?
10:08Maybe he'll want to go to the toilet or something
10:10Good idea
10:11Right, you let them in
10:12I'll go and fix my face
10:13Right
10:13Becky
10:22Terribly sorry about that
10:24Bit of a little crisis sort of thing, you know
10:26It's all right
10:28Come in
10:29Come in
10:30Robert, this is Trevor
10:34Trevor, Robert
10:36Hello
10:36Heard a lot about you
10:38Where's Tracy?
10:47She'll be through in a moment
10:48Oh, fine
10:49Robert
10:57Trevor's a keen squash player
10:59Oh
11:00Must give you a severe thrashing sometime
11:03Right
11:06Do you play squash yourself?
11:12No, no
11:13That's what I meant
11:13I meant play you at squash
11:16Oh, I see
11:17Not into thrashing men, obviously
11:21Or women
11:25I'm not a sexual deviant at all
11:29Ask Becky
11:30Not that I've ever had sex with Becky
11:32Hello
11:33I hope Robert's being lovely to you
11:36No, I'm not
11:36Tracy
11:38Becky, darling
11:39Tracy
11:40This is Trevor
11:41Hello
11:42Hello, Tracy
11:43Great to meet you at last
11:44Becky talks about you all the time
11:45Oh, isn't that lovely
11:47Well, it's true
11:48Trevor, would you like to go to the toilet?
12:01No, I'm fine, thank you
12:03Oh
12:04I mean, you could just wash your hands or something
12:08No, really, thanks
12:13Actually, if I could just use the telephone
12:15Brilliant
12:16Brilliant idea
12:20Phone call
12:21So much better than shouting
12:23Well, while Trevor's doing that
12:29Maybe I could nip upstairs and see the little one
12:31No
12:32Why not?
12:35She's out
12:36Anyway, if I could just make that call
12:42Oh, of course
12:42Actually, it could take some time
12:44So I'll reverse the charges
12:45You can use the phone in the kitchen if you like
12:47Oh, that's all right
12:48I won't be saying anything private
12:49Oh, but we will
12:50Oh, Jennifer must be back
12:57Better just go and see to her
13:01Darling, I will
13:02I've got it
13:04Look, Robert
13:11In a minute, in a minute
13:12The phone's just right behind the door, all right?
13:22All right, thank you
13:23Okay, Tracy
13:27What's going on?
13:31It's about Mark
13:32I knew it
13:33I'm going to get the speech now, am I?
13:36What speech?
13:37Look, I know I've done some terrible things
13:39I've told a lot of lies
13:41And I've caused a lot of pain
13:42And as a matter of fact
13:44I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for it all
13:46Maybe you don't believe that
13:48It happens to be true
13:50But I would find it very hard to bear, Tracy
13:53If you end up thinking I'm some kind of heartless bitch
13:56Oh, Becky
13:58I don't think that
14:00Thank you
14:01Except maybe now and then
14:02When I think about what you've done to Mark
14:04Look
14:06Try to understand
14:08I've been seeing Trevor for months now
14:11Long before I left
14:12Well, you know that
14:14So
14:15I've been living with a guilt
14:16For a very long time
14:18I need a night off
14:20Maybe this is going to sound awful
14:22But I thought that with you and Robert tonight
14:24I might be able to spend a few hours
14:27Not thinking about Mark
14:28But anyway
14:31You've got something to tell me about him
14:33Well
14:36What is it?
14:37Good news?
14:40Bad news?
14:41Oh, I think you could say it was bad
14:43How bad?
14:45Well, you're not going to like it
14:46What's the bad news, Tracy?
14:50Oh, Becky
14:51I just can't do this to you
14:53I'll go and get Robert
14:54But Tracy
14:55What's the bad news?
15:01Tracy
15:01In a minute
15:02I made a complete fool of myself down there
15:06And I suppose you're going to say it's my fault
15:08Robert
15:08I've got a big problem
15:11Oh
15:11Oh
15:13Oh
15:15Oh
15:15Oh
15:19Oh
15:20Oh
15:20Oh
15:33Oh
15:33Becky, you know those hedge clippers you left at Mark's flat?
15:54Ah!
16:01Okay, this is it.
16:02If you ever needed your sense of humour, you need it now.
16:04You've got to look so cool.
16:06You need that one devastating wisecrack.
16:13How to play it?
16:15Laid back?
16:16Don't care?
16:17Never really noticed her much anyway?
16:20Why, Becky, I never realised you're a brunette.
16:27Or nastier, you know, get her on the screwing around angle.
16:30Well, Becky, I almost didn't recognise you.
16:33You're vertical.
16:38Now, now, now, let's go simpler.
16:39Just a good straightforward put-down.
16:41Let her know how little she means.
16:45Your name is on the tip of my tongue.
16:47And that's it, yeah.
16:49Perfect.
16:50So cool.
16:52Your name's on the tip of my tongue, Becky.
16:58You know, I never realised you're a blonde.
17:03Sorry, Mark.
17:04But that was quite funny.
17:07Becky, stop being all cool.
17:08Can't you see Mark's terribly upset?
17:10No, I'm not.
17:10You're right.
17:11I'm sorry.
17:11I'm not upset.
17:13Just that I'm surprised to see Becky vertical.
17:16Vertical?
17:16What do you mean, vertical, Mark?
17:19Well, you know.
17:22Standing up.
17:23Well, of course I'm standing up.
17:25Mark, you've had an awful fright,
17:27and I think you're starting to babble.
17:29I'm not babbling.
17:29I'm just being witty.
17:31And anyway, I'd forgotten you're a brunette.
17:33Well, that's probably just shock.
17:35Has nobody here got a sense of humour?
17:37You must be joking.
17:38Sorry again, Mark.
17:42But Becky's certainly coming out with them, isn't she?
17:44Look, could you possibly tell me what's happening?
17:46What's she doing here?
17:47I take it this was the bad news.
17:48Could I possibly have a moment alone with my wife?
17:52I believe everyone else does.
17:55I'd better go and check the dinner.
17:58Becky, you...
17:59Don't worry.
18:00I'll explain.
18:03Yeah, yeah.
18:04Look, hey, we're talking original features
18:06and panoramic views here.
18:09Explain what?
18:10What's the point?
18:12You never understand a word I say.
18:14What's that supposed to mean?
18:15Oh, God, we're not back at the jokes, are we?
18:17Oh, I apologise for my entire personality.
18:19At least spare me the self-hatred routine, Mark.
18:22And don't mention that name to me.
18:23Mark, it's pathetic.
18:25Forgive me, but frankly,
18:26I can't think of anything more completely emasculating
18:28than your wife running off with another man.
18:32How is your lover, by the way?
18:33She's fine.
18:37I'm sorry, I'm getting as smart-ass as you are.
18:39But Becky...
18:40No, Mark.
18:41Ah, come on, darling.
18:42Don't call me darling.
18:43Becky!
18:43Don't touch me!
18:45Jesus!
18:46Look, what am I supposed to do?
18:49Would it be kind to pretend I want you to touch me?
18:51I don't want you to touch me.
18:53I don't want you to hold me.
18:54I don't want you to call me darling.
18:56I don't want you to kiss me.
18:57All of that is over, Mark.
18:59So I take it fundling your breast is out of the question?
19:01You were invited here tonight?
19:08Well, of course I was.
19:09And you knew who you'd be eating with?
19:12Well, sure.
19:13I didn't.
19:16You guys have set me up, haven't you?
19:18A little attempt at reconciliation.
19:20Mark, you can't possibly think...
19:22Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
19:23I've come straight in here like a proper dickhead
19:24and probably put you right off the idea.
19:26But, you know, the table's still set for four.
19:28We're still eating together.
19:29Unless you've got a backup tucked away somewhere.
19:32But the important thing is,
19:33you came here tonight for us.
19:36And I'm going to make this work.
19:39Yeah, yeah.
19:41Tracy, I'm just popping out for a minute to get some champagne.
19:43Oh!
19:44Oh, sorry, darling.
19:49Sorry, darling.
19:50Well, Mark's certainly taking it well.
19:57Tiny bit of a misunderstanding.
19:59He thinks he's invited to dinner.
20:02Could you keep Trevor in the kitchen for a moment?
20:04It's really going to destroy Mark if he finds this here.
20:06Oh, of course, yes.
20:08And should I set an extra place at the table?
20:12Maybe best not, Trace.
20:13Right, off license.
20:17Mark!
20:19What are you doing down here?
20:20Eh?
20:28Where's Mark?
20:30Who?
20:31Mark!
20:32What's happened to him?
20:34Oh, look at me out of here!
20:35Oh, my God!
20:36What have you done to him?
20:37No, I haven't done anything.
20:38It was an accident.
20:39Then why have you hidden him in the cupboard?
20:41What makes you think he's in the cupboard?
20:44I keep hearing his voice.
20:46Really?
20:47You must miss him a lot.
20:50What the hell's going on?
20:51He threw me in the bloody cupboard!
20:53Becky!
20:57Sorry about that, darling.
20:59Just a little bit of a sec, Carol.
21:00Don't you want to come back in the kitchen and phone people?
21:04Er, no.
21:06Actually, where is that toilet?
21:07Becky!
21:08What was that?
21:10Next-off TV.
21:10God, it's noisy round here.
21:14Er, there's a bathroom just by the front door, Trevor.
21:19Wasn't that somebody knocking?
21:21That wasn't knocking.
21:22That was, um...
21:23The doorbell!
21:25Could you get that, Robert, and show Trevor the bathroom?
21:27Okay.
21:28I'm sure I could...
21:29No, no, no, no, nothing.
21:33What's going on?
21:34I think I banged my head.
21:35Just, you know, a bit of fun.
21:37Yeah, I'd forgotten about your foreplay.
21:39Mark, I thought you were going to get us some champagne.
21:41Yeah, but I'm...
21:41There's an off-life since just at the end of the road.
21:43Yeah, but look, Tanya...
21:43Let me take you a minute.
21:45On you go.
21:49They never warn you how hard divorce is going to be, do they?
21:53What are we going to do?
21:55Well, I can't tell Trevor we've got to leave because my husband's here.
21:58He'll have a fit.
21:59Fine, well, tell Mark to piss off because your lover's here as soon as he gets back with the champagne.
22:02Okay, we get Trevor out of the way before Mark gets back and I'll do the explaining.
22:09To Mark, you mean?
22:11I think that's the way it's got to be.
22:17Right, then.
22:18Trevor, Robert was just saying how much he'd like to show you his lovely garden.
22:23It's dark.
22:25I can get a torch.
22:30Right, great, well, maybe after dinner.
22:32Actually, I'm really hungry.
22:34How hungry?
22:35What?
22:37Maybe you could just have the starter and then you could go out.
22:40That would keep you going, wouldn't it?
22:42Well, yes or no, darling?
22:48Yes, fine.
22:49Right, let's go.
22:51Sit down, Trevor.
22:53Tracy, this looks lovely.
22:55Yes, it does.
23:02Actually, now, I was saying to Becky on the way up here how much...
23:06What's the matter?
23:06Aren't you eating?
23:09Sorry, yes, of course.
23:10What's the matter?
23:11Don't you like it?
23:12Well, you're eating very slowly.
23:15Sorry.
23:17Come on, Trevor.
23:18You'll miss the main course.
23:19Sorry.
23:23It's just I'm not very good at eating sort of quickly, you know.
23:27I get a bit of a dodgy stomach at times.
23:29No!
23:31What's wrong?
23:33I was just concerned to hear about your stomach.
23:38Well, Trevor, shall we take a look at the garden now?
23:44Aren't you going to answer the door?
23:46Oh, I expect that's just some carol singers.
23:48It's March.
23:51We're late paying.
23:54Come on, Trevor.
23:55I've got some lovely roses.
23:56You must see them.
23:58Uh, right.
23:59Back door's through this way.
24:01OK.
24:02Let's hide the avocados.
24:04You mustn't see who we've been eating.
24:05Right.
24:10Here we are.
24:11Mark, we need to talk.
24:13Yeah, actually, maybe you could let me do the talking.
24:15Mark, you're back.
24:17Oh, hi, Tracy.
24:18What's happened to the avocado?
24:20Oh, I'll just go and get some more.
24:21I mean, I'll just go and get them back.
24:23Mark, listen.
24:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
24:25You listen.
24:26I don't know what's going on here tonight, but I do know this.
24:29You felt it was worthwhile coming to see me tonight,
24:31and as far as I'm concerned,
24:33that's the first chink of light I've seen since this whole nightmare started.
24:36Mark...
24:36I know, I know, I know.
24:37You're just testing the water, and maybe you're regretting it already.
24:40But who knows?
24:42I might surprise you.
24:43I might be about to surprise you.
24:45Yeah, sure.
24:48Look, it's rather getting to me.
24:49This, uh, back in a moment.
24:51Uh, Tracy, get that champagne open.
24:54Did you tell him?
24:55I couldn't.
24:56Tracy's gonna kill him.
24:58Huh?
24:58Already?
25:00Oh.
25:00What happened?
25:06Well, I couldn't find the torch, and you know that tree we've got?
25:08Oh, Trevor!
25:11Oh, it's all right.
25:13I'm just a bit dizzy.
25:15I'm telling you, I'm mostly just a bit queasy from bolting that avocado.
25:18Oh, my God, it's grown back!
25:21No.
25:22No.
25:23No wonder you have to eat them so quickly.
25:24Actually, Trevor, we just thought you might like some more.
25:29Oh.
25:30No?
25:30Well, then I'll go and get the fish.
25:34Oh, sir, I'm feeling a little bit ill.
25:36Oh, excuse me.
25:38Darling, could you use upstairs?
25:39Downstairs isn't working.
25:41I've just used downstairs.
25:43Well, we can clear that up later.
25:46First on your right.
25:47Oh, my God, this is hopeless.
25:50It's going quite well so far, isn't it?
25:53What are we gonna do?
25:53This is mad.
25:54Tracy, we are never, ever having anyone to dinner again.
25:59Which one was that?
26:00It's downstairs.
26:02It's Mark.
26:03OK, lose the fish.
26:04Keep the avocado.
26:05Right.
26:06Right.
26:07I open this.
26:09Oh, could you do that in the kitchen, Mark?
26:11The carpets.
26:12Sure.
26:14You've got to go in and tell him now!
26:16Oh, shit!
26:19OK, lose the avocado.
26:28Darling, are you all right?
26:31Yes.
26:32A little bit better, thank you.
26:36Actually, I don't think that avocado agreed with me.
26:42What's wrong?
26:44Nothing that...
26:45Becky, I can see lots of avocados on my table.
27:03Yes, well, um...
27:04You look so real.
27:07I really shouldn't balk my food.
27:08OK, glasses out!
27:13Who are you?
27:15Who are you?
27:16I'm here with Becky.
27:18No, I'm here with Becky.
27:20Look, I'm her husband.
27:23Oh.
27:23We've been trying to keep you two apart all evening.
27:33You didn't come here for a reconciliation.
27:36You came here on the wrong night.
27:39And I'm sorry.
27:41I'm truly, truly sorry.
27:45Can I ask one question?
27:46What do you do for a living?
27:51I'm an estate agent.
27:53Well, obviously, I never stood a chance.
28:01Oh, God!
28:02Oh, God's sake!
28:07Becky!
28:08Does he shout house prices when he's making love?
28:10Oh.
28:1180,000!
28:1290,000!
28:13110!
28:14Near all bus routes!
28:15Excellent conditions!
28:16Spacious accommodation!
28:18All amenities in reasonable distance!
28:22Shit!
28:22May need extensive re-plumbing.
28:36I always seem to end up with the champagne.
28:39At the funeral?
28:43One careful owner.
28:44Die in flame
28:53You're free again
28:57Look who'd love
29:01Do that to you
29:05All dressed in black
29:10Won't be coming back
29:14Just save the tears
29:18Not yes and yes
29:23Fool if you think it's over
29:26Because you said goodbye
29:31Fool if you think it's over
29:34I'll tell you why
29:37I'll tell you why
29:50you
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