- 1 year ago
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FunTranscript
00:00Music
00:02Music
00:12Music
00:14Music
00:16So, the centre will be closing a little earlier than usual,
00:29earlier than usual, at 6 o'clock, which gives us all half an hour to get changed,
00:33before we meet down at the reception for drinks.
00:35All of which has been kindly organised by Laura.
00:39Yes, anyway. We have 40 minutes for drinks and a few eats and nibbles.
00:43Also organised by Laura.
00:46I think now's as good a time as any to show our appreciation.
00:51You've got time. Thank you. Thank you.
00:53So, we have to leave by 7.15, which brings me to the car roster.
00:58Do you want to do this, Mr Brittus?
01:00I don't think anyone can do it half as well as you're doing it, Laura. Please, carry on.
01:04Right, OK. It is a little complicated, so I suggest you take a careful look at it.
01:09Linda, on the outward journey, Mr Brittus was hoping you'd be able to take Carol and her partner.
01:14Ah, yes, Carol's partner. If I may interject here, please, Laura.
01:18Now, some of you are probably aware that Carol does not actually have a partner at the moment.
01:24So, if anyone knows of someone who could accompany her this evening, perhaps an elderly person who doesn't get out too much.
01:31I mean, we don't want anyone feeling left out or unwanted just because they don't have any friends.
01:35Now, do we?
01:36Yes, Gavin?
01:37Why can't she go on her own, Mr Brittus?
01:39This is a dance, Gavin. Obviously, she's got to take someone. And besides which, they're double tickets.
01:44Oh, right.
01:45Well, I haven't got one.
01:46You wish to say something, Timothy?
01:48I was just saying I don't have a partner.
01:49Why? What's wrong?
01:51Well, it's not always that easy, Mr Brittus.
01:53Gavin, this is a Southern Area Leisure Centre staff gala ball. You've got to take a partner. He can't wonder about on his own.
01:59He could, er, come with me.
02:01What?
02:02Well, as it happens, I don't have a partner either.
02:04What is wrong with you boys?
02:06Well, I think it's a good idea to go together. I don't mind if Timmy doesn't.
02:10Well, I do. This evening is supposed to be for staff and their guests. You've got to take a partner. Why should he be the only one who's not taking a partner?
02:18What is it, Linda?
02:19I didn't realise we had to bring someone.
02:21Oh, good grief.
02:22But I could ask Edward. I'm sure he'd come. We were at school together.
02:26Thank you, Linda. See, that wasn't difficult. Why can't you do that, Tim?
02:30Well, Edward's already going with Linda.
02:34This is serious, Tim. This is one of the few occasions in the year when we have the opportunity to bond together as an adhesive social group.
02:41And we've got to do a lot of bonding because there's no one to bond with, are we now?
02:44I'm sorry I'm late, Mr Brittus.
02:46Sit down, Colin.
02:46Only I had a bit of trouble getting someone to come to this dance.
02:50To be quite honest, I drew a few blanks to begin with.
02:54But I think I've cracked it now. 4.30 this morning, it suddenly came.
02:58I don't think anyone's particularly interested in the details of their social life, Colin.
03:02I am. Who've you got, Colin?
03:04Well, there's this new milk lady on our estate.
03:07And we have occasionally spoken. And I suddenly thought, why not?
03:10You've asked a milk lady?
03:12I left a message in one of the bottles.
03:14And this morning, along with an extra pint, there was a little message saying, thank you. I accept gratefully.
03:23Now, this isn't the one with the sideboards, is it?
03:25Well, as a matter of fact, she must go in one of the bottles.
03:26Do you mind, as we get back to the business in hand, please?
03:30This meeting is to make sure that we all have an enjoyable, relaxing and, above all, fun-filled time this evening, all right?
03:38Now, Laura, you were telling us about the car, Roster.
03:41I still say something's going on.
03:43I cannot believe it, Tim.
03:44Oh, you saw him at the meeting, Colin. He's up to something.
03:46I don't think any of us could do it half as well as you, Laura.
03:49Make us all clap to show our appreciation.
03:51Mr. Britters is a happily married man. He wouldn't do a thing like that.
03:55Julie will know.
03:55No, what?
03:56Tim is suggesting that there's something going on between Laura and Mr. Britters.
04:00Oh.
04:00What's he up to, Julie?
04:02Well, it's probably nothing.
04:03Of course it's nothing.
04:04All I know is that ever since his wife went on holiday, he's been spending every evening round at her house.
04:09Every evening?
04:10He says he's doing the garden.
04:12I knew it.
04:12I cannot believe that a man with Mr. Britters' personal integrity is having an improper relationship with Laura.
04:18Hi.
04:19I wonder if anyone's got time to mop up the floor.
04:22Right, if you're all too busy, I'll do it myself.
04:24No, no, we were just indulging in a bit of idle gossip, weren't we, Julie?
04:28What's the problem?
04:29Oh, just some blood on the second floor landing, Colin.
04:31Mr. Britters has been giving his marriage guidance classes again.
04:34So, that's the gossip.
04:36Well done.
04:36It was nothing, really.
04:37No, it was just a rumour.
04:38What sort of rumour?
04:39A particularly foolish one, if I may say so, Laura.
04:42With no substance in reality whatsoever.
04:44Laura!
04:45Mr. Britters says can he go up to his office.
04:47He wants to give you some flowers.
04:50I told you.
04:51But, Laura, I think I've done it.
04:56Done what?
04:57I put an advertisement in the paper this morning and it's worked.
05:00Man wanted as dinner dance partner by young, attractive, professional career woman.
05:05That's me.
05:06Oh, no.
05:07But then you go on to give your name, age, address and two telephone numbers.
05:12Someone answered, Laura.
05:13I've got a partner.
05:15Yeah.
05:16I think you want to be a bit careful, Carol.
05:17You don't know what someone...
05:18But I do know him, Laura.
05:19That's the whole thing.
05:20You do?
05:21He was my very first real boyfriend when I was just 16.
05:26Oh, it was so much in love.
05:27We even got engaged.
05:29But my mother made me give back the ring.
05:32She said I could do better than the son of a rag-and-bone man.
05:35Oh.
05:36But then this morning, he saw my name in the paper
05:38and he wondered if I was the same Carol Parkinson he'd loved all those years ago.
05:43He never married, you see.
05:45Well, that's wonderful, Carol.
05:47I'm very happy for you.
05:48Are those for me?
05:49Oh, yes.
05:50I'm sorry.
05:50Mr. Brittis did leave a message for you.
05:52Yep.
05:52Well, several, actually.
05:5410.47.
05:55Would you ask Laura if she can spare me a moment to come and see me?
05:5810.43.
06:00If she's available, could I please have a word with Laura?
06:0210.52.
06:03Could Laura pop up to my office, please?
06:05No hurry.
06:05It's nothing urgent.
06:06If anyone wants me, I'll be up with Mr. Brittis.
06:10Yes, well, thanks for looking.
06:12If you could just say it was a husband calling again.
06:15Oh, by the way, did you look in the bar?
06:18Right, thanks.
06:19Bye.
06:19News from Helen?
06:20Not a lot.
06:21Every time I call up, the hotel just says she's gone out.
06:24Oh.
06:24Yes, apparently this morning she's gone lobster potting with someone called Garth.
06:29Still, she's back tomorrow, isn't she?
06:30Yeah, she's driving back.
06:32That's a very good point, Laura.
06:36Julie, could you bring me in the car, Rostra, for a moment, please?
06:38I'm busy.
06:41Thank you, Julie.
06:43Now, I've got something for you.
06:52It's a packet of seeds.
06:54They were giving them away at the building society.
06:57I thought some of those scattered around your arbor might look quite nice in a few months' time.
07:02Yes, lovely.
07:03Oh, that reminds me.
07:05I picked up the photos this morning to remind you of all your hard work.
07:08Right.
07:10Yes, that's not bad, is it?
07:13Yes, look at that.
07:18That looks wonderful.
07:21I'm really grateful, Mr Bittersy.
07:22It's not every girl who gets an arbor built in return for a few omelettes.
07:25Rather good omelettes, if I may say so, Laura.
07:28They've been a bit of a treat for me.
07:30I don't want to sound disloyal, but cooking's never really been Helen's strongest suit.
07:35Well, have a drink. You deserve it.
07:37I've enjoyed it. I really have.
07:39You know, sometimes when Helen's away with the children, I get a bit lonely, but this past week has been, well, really satisfying.
07:48Here's to feeling satisfied.
07:49Indeed.
07:50Bottoms up.
07:51I tell you what, why don't you take a seat on the edge there. Go on.
07:57What?
07:57On the edge. Sit on the edge.
08:01Right, how do you work this contraction?
08:04Here we go.
08:07Whoops-a-daisy. There we are.
08:09Well, I'll tell you what, Laura. Could you just shove up a bit, yeah?
08:14Oh, careful.
08:17Came out rather well, didn't it?
08:18Yes, it did, rather.
08:20You can keep that one if you like.
08:21Could I?
08:21A little memento of all your expertise.
08:24Yes.
08:24Oh, what's this, then?
08:29Just a private photograph, Julie.
08:31Hmm.
08:31What do you want with car roster, then?
08:33Well, I've just realised that my car will not be available this evening.
08:37I'm not tapping it out again.
08:40Unfortunately, our vehicle is still with Mrs. British down in Cornwall,
08:43so I and my partner will need two places in someone else's car.
08:47Partner? I thought you said Mrs. British was in Cornwall.
08:49Well, obviously, I shall be escorting another person, Julie.
08:52Got to keep the numbers right.
08:53So, er, who's this other person?
08:56That other person will be Laura.
09:03How big are they?
09:04Well, I'm a 36 double D.
09:07No, no, I'm wearing tights at the moment.
09:09But I find them more comfortable.
09:12Oh.
09:13Oh, all right, I'm sorry.
09:14Not at all.
09:15Goodbye.
09:17Another reply to your advert, Carol.
09:19Someone doing a medical survey, apparently.
09:21You seem to be asking some very personal questions.
09:23Well, it's someone to talk to, isn't it?
09:26To be honest, it's nice that someone actually listens to what one says.
09:28So often, I find myself talking away
09:30and nobody's taking a blind bit of it.
09:32It seems sometimes...
09:33Colin?
09:34Michael!
09:35Michael, is it really you?
09:37Hi, Colin.
09:38Carol.
09:39Oh, what are you doing here?
09:41Well, I, er...
09:42You've come to see Laura, haven't you?
09:45Well, if I can.
09:46Of course you can.
09:46She's on footpath duty at the moment.
09:48Just you wait here.
09:50I'll go and tell her.
09:51She'll be so thrilled.
09:54You think she'll be thrilled, Carol?
09:58Oh, you reckon she never wants to see me again?
10:01Those are the sort of things she said when she threw those things at you.
10:04I was hoping she'd forgotten about that.
10:06I don't think so.
10:07She still has the I Don't Trust Men badge on her locker.
10:10I made a mistake, Carol.
10:12I want to try again.
10:15It's only recently I've come to realise just, well, how much I need her.
10:19Oh, I know what you mean, Michael.
10:22I made a mistake myself with someone very special.
10:26But sometimes, if we're very lucky,
10:28that special someone can give us a second chance.
10:31Boss?
10:47Thanks, pal.
10:47Been waiting a long time for this.
10:49Here, get yourself a taxi.
10:50I'll see you back at the yard tomorrow.
10:51and this time carol parkinson i won't take no for an answer so hopefully he's going to be here around
11:02lunchtime does that biscuit belong to anyone oh you mean emily's rusk she fell asleep when she
11:11was halfway through it and i haven't had a chance you're not hungry are you michael it's been a
11:16couple of days that's awful go straight up to the canteen and get something to eat i can't get
11:23anything to eat carol i haven't got any money no money but you've got millions billions but not
11:30anymore the old man cut me off we had a disagreement oh but that's awful what about shoes mostly
11:37well it was late on a saturday night the old man starts laying down the law about how only
11:46tight-assed englishmen wear laces so i quietly put him straight with a few statistics and uh he
11:52starts shouting says what do you know about the shoe business and then he tells me to get a job
11:57and i think you know i don't need this just because he pays my allowance so i quit oh i think that's
12:06very brave yeah anyway sitting out on the street i thought you know if i'm gonna have to live without
12:12money the one person i might be able to do it with is laura i see so if your daughter's finished
12:19with that rust oh don't be so silly michael i can lend you some money for food in fact i'll take you
12:25upstairs and cook it myself oh i couldn't take money from you carol no no no no okay this is enough is it
12:32you're quite worried have it all i'll settle with ben later i'll just go right back to colin
12:39tell him where we are and you come with me
12:43excuse me miss where's the restaurant it's up the stairs third on the right second on the left
13:01and don't have anything with fish in it
13:03colin what's the meaning of this colin sorry mr britus bend down colin pardon bend down colin
13:18and look at the floor from this angle now tell me what you see colin what do i see what you see
13:26colin is a wet floor think right mr britus what if a disabled person came around that corner
13:32slightly too fast lost control of his wheelchair slid across the floor and jammed two fingers up the
13:37electric socket that would be terrible mr britus which is why we have warning signs that's what i
13:44went downstairs to get i'm afraid i got distracted by this message you're not paid to get distracted
13:51colin not when there's a potentially lethal floor unmarked by danger signs go and get them now right
13:56mr britters i'll give laura a message later i should realize this was far more important
14:01yeah colin yes mr britters you have a message for laura a rather important one actually but that's
14:07no excuse i don't see that now what sort of message her husband's arrived what farrell michael t
14:13farrell he's downstairs in reception waiting to speak to her what for he knows perfectly well
14:17how she feels about him i think he rather wanted to try i don't care what he wants i'm not gonna
14:21have someone like that pestering a member of my staff go and find him take him straight up to my
14:25office and don't take any arguments colin right mr british i'll just get the signs first in case
14:29a disabled forget about this colin just go get farrell and i shall find laura i am rather busy
14:34no it doesn't seem to be any complaint put it in the box what in the box just like everyone else
14:38sorry you see over here we have a suggestion box and what you do you take this put it in there
14:45it was sunny side up for the egg michael and not broken this time if possible
15:08so you're here to make things up with laura yeah that's the idea yes something wrong no no it's a
15:20very good idea it's just don't tell me she's got someone else well oh shoot who is he well it's
15:29nothing definite she's just been spending rather a lot of time with one particular person is it
15:34serious well flowers dinner goes around to our house every evening if that's serious it's more
15:39serious than i've ever been what's he like this guy well he's not everybody's idea of fun he's sort
15:45of hard-working honest trustworthy that sort of thing yeah one of those she's always had a
15:51hankering for that type well maybe you'll be able to talk her around yeah maybe oh did you find her
15:58colin bad news i'm afraid mikey she won't see me mr british wants you in his office okay well i'll just
16:04finish this i'm afraid my orders are to take you up there now by force if necessary
16:09come in
16:13now it's you gordon good to see you sit down mr farrell
16:19i'm afraid i'm gonna have to ask you to leave the center
16:22not now i've got a couple of things to say to you first
16:26all right number one word has reached me that you've been borrowing money off our receptionist
16:32well strictly speaking it was a guy called ben ben is a three-year-old child mr farrell
16:37and carol is not much better it wasn't a lot it was to ben that was going to be his christmas money
16:45i'd be grateful if you'd reimburse him at your earliest convenience yeah i don't know when
16:48and b i gather you want to see my deputy manager yes
16:51may i ask why it's kind of personal mr farrell the last time you came here correct me if i'm wrong
16:58your wife your estranged wife made it very clear to you she wanted nothing further to do with you
17:03yeah i know and that was when you had a considerable income and expectations of inheriting even more
17:09you have neither of those things now do you that's right yes well she's not going to look at you is
17:15she all you're going to do is upset her not to mention friends some very close friends she has
17:20made on the staff what are you going to say to her i thought i'd start by asking her to this dance
17:25this evening what well some of the guys were talking about it and i thought it was you can't do that
17:31why not well it's for couples i am a couple laura's my wife only the technical legal sense
17:39anyway it's black tie you can't come without a dinner jacket well that's lucky because um
17:45it's the one thing i remembered to pick up before i left look farrell it's not gonna work you've got
17:51to get it into your head she's not going to take you back ever i got a message mr british that you
17:56wanted hi laura sorry to spring this on you laura i was hoping you wouldn't have to go through this
18:01nonsense again i'll be telling him he's wasting his time michael what are you doing here i came to see
18:07you he's lost all his money it's uh it's a long story it's it's kind of complicated he wants to
18:13sponge off you laura could we talk somewhere i don't advise it tell him to get out i did please
18:19just have a bit of time all right five minutes
18:23i'll wait outside
18:31two blasts if you need me laura
18:35thank you
19:03Hello? Hello? I just...
19:20I'm so sexy.
19:46Excuse me. Hello?
19:50You're always complaining when I do that.
20:00Julie, this is important.
20:03I can't hear anything.
20:07Yes, it has gone rather quiet, hasn't it? Get out of the way, Julie.
20:11Laura, if there's a bro...
20:16The last one.
20:19I told you, Carol, nothing's going to keep us apart this time.
20:23I'm coming, Carol! I'm coming!
20:36Yes, I'm trying to do okay to Mr Ronald Sudbury. He's left.
20:49Oh, no, it's not important. It's just he said he might be here by lunchtime and it's not...
20:54Oh, look, it doesn't matter. Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
20:57I'll need a shovel, Carol.
20:59Oh! Yes, of course, Miss British.
21:01And a couple of bin liners, if you could spare them.
21:03God, what a journey. Four children, projectile vomiting non-stop in St Ernstall.
21:09Oh, dear. Ew.
21:11I think it was the crab they ate yesterday.
21:15Oh, you have to be so careful in restaurants, don't you?
21:18Oh, they've been fine in a restaurant. This is a dead one they found on the beach.
21:23And then when I finally get here, I discover the dog.
21:26I mean, what sort of a person ties their animal to the back of somebody else's car?
21:30A dog? Why did he bark or something?
21:33I have trouble with these guide dogs. They're too bloody well-trained.
21:36You've run over a guide dog in the car park?
21:39Oh, don't worry, not here. St Austell.
21:42I wonder what the bumping was.
21:44Anyway, Gordon can scrape it off. I've had enough. He's in his office, is he?
21:48Yes, he is. He's talking tomorrow.
21:49Right.
21:50And he particularly said he did not want to be disturbed.
21:54As it's you, I'm sure it's fine.
21:56You're taking him back?
21:58Yes.
21:59But why? I mean, you're intelligent, quite attractive, fairly neatly turned out.
22:06When you could have anyone, anyone you wanted, and you chose him.
22:09I don't understand it.
22:11It's because I love him.
22:13I know it would be much easier if I didn't, if I loved someone honest, hardworking, trustworthy.
22:20But I love Michael.
22:21But he's been unfaithful. More than once.
22:24He's promised not to do it again.
22:25And you believe him, do you?
22:28Well, all I can say is he doesn't deserve it.
22:30When I think of all the people struggling through life without the advantages he had, trying to hold down a job, live honestly, not take money from small children.
22:39And what do they get?
22:40And what do they get?
22:41I'll tell you what they get.
22:43Helen!
22:44I can't take any more with Gordon.
22:46I've had enough.
22:47I've had it up to here.
22:48You're supposed to be down in Cornwall.
22:50Well, I'm not, am I?
22:51I've just driven 300 miles with two children being sick in a bag, another one trying to eat it, and the four screaming at me because I won't play magnetic scrabble with him.
23:01You can take over now and you can start by getting rid of this.
23:05We weren't expecting you back till tomorrow.
23:07Well, it was meant to be a surprise.
23:10Surprise?
23:11I wanted to go to the dance with you, didn't I?
23:14I knew how important you think it is to have a partner.
23:18I'm sorry.
23:19And I'm just so...
23:22I'm sorry.
23:24I'm sorry.
23:27Welcome back, Helen.
23:28I'm sorry if I'm a bit...
23:31Someone's been sick in this.
23:34Only partly.
23:35Most of it went in the cassette player.
23:39I'll go down to the children's salon.
23:41Oh, would you, Laura?
23:42Oh, try not to let them see the dog, though.
23:44Dog?
23:45Oh, not now, God.
23:47Let me get it cleaned up a bit first.
23:50God, it smells, innit?
23:51Oh, I'm sorry.
23:52There's smells in here.
23:59Oh...
24:00Oh...
24:01Oh...
24:04Oh...
24:05I told you, Carol!
24:07I'm coming!
24:08I'm coming!
24:09Oh!
24:10Oh!
24:11Oh!
24:12Oh!
24:14Oh!
24:15Oh!
24:16Carol!
24:17We're maybe a bit longer.
24:18Hang on.
24:19Get you another collie. Cheers Pauline. I think we're in for a fun evening eh. Smashing
24:38girl that. And what an outfit eh. You know she loves dressing up. Yes. Colin. Yes Laura.
24:45We do know. What? Nothing. I'd like you to meet Edward. Who? Edward. This is Mr. British my boss. Pleased to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. This is your boyfriend? Yes. I thought you said you were taking someone you knew from school. I am. He was my headmaster. We came together for a shared interest in sailing. Yes. That and the netball. Yes of course. Please you'll just excuse me please.
25:15Would you believe it eh. What? My staff and their guests. I mean there's Laura with her lounge lizard. There's Linda and Grandpa Moses over there. And Colin. I mean have you seen who Colin brought?
25:36You must not tell him you haven't told him have you. You'd ruin his evening. I suppose it's marginally better than Gavin and Tim who couldn't be bothered to bring anyone. Or Julie and her man. Oh I haven't seen them yet.
25:49Well you won't. He parked a brand new BMW outside and properly got nicked by the fuzz for car theft. I don't think it's a normal couple here. Well except us of course.
25:58Well except us of course. And as for Carol. Just a more seconds my darling. Wait for me.
26:10Here I come. Carol. Wait for me.
26:31So you're on the ace Mr. Prittas? Possibly.
26:56Can't go out like that he'll get soaked.
27:01I don't think so Gordon. Rain seems to have stopped.
27:06And look. There's a rainbow.
27:11There's a rainbow.
27:12Come on Carol. You can't stand there all night.
27:18Just a few more minutes Mr. Prittas. Just in case he's been delayed.
27:22He hasn't been delayed Carol. He's not coming is he?
27:26Did it say on the phone Mr. Prittas?
27:28Face it Carol. If he wanted to be here he'd be here. Obviously this wasn't as important to him as it is to you.
27:34I know. I'm sure you're right. It's just I sort of helped.
27:38There are some things in life you just can't have. You've got to make the best of what you've got.
27:44Colin and Paul are giving us a lift on the milk float. They're just clearing the empties off the back.
27:49That's who you care of me. Yes that's who I am Mr. Prittas.
27:53Oh look. It's going to rain again. Come on. Let's party.
28:03Oh!
28:09Oh!
28:23Oh!
28:24Oh!
28:25Oh!
28:26Oh!
28:27Oh!
28:28Oh!
28:29Oh!
28:30Oh!
28:31Oh!
28:32Oh!
28:33Oh!
28:34Oh!
28:35Oh!
28:36Oh!
28:37Oh!
28:38Oh!
28:39Oh!
28:40Oh!
28:41Oh!
28:42Oh!
28:43Oh!
28:44Oh!
28:45Oh!
28:46Oh!
28:47Oh!
28:48Oh!
28:49Oh!
28:50Oh!
28:51Oh!