- 4 days ago
Wrap up Top Gear Season 2 with Episode 10’s finale—featuring epic reviews, final challenges, and the trio at their very best.
Finish the season with Top Gear Season 2, Episode 10 — featuring the Volkswagen Phaeton, the concept Cadillac Sixteen, and Alan Davies in the star lap
Finish the season with Top Gear Season 2, Episode 10 — featuring the Volkswagen Phaeton, the concept Cadillac Sixteen, and Alan Davies in the star lap
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TVTranscript
00:00Tonight, a £65,000 car for the people, a Range Rover at 45 degrees, and the new Bentley
00:13Coupé comes to our studio.
00:18Hello and welcome to the last show in the series.
00:23Don't worry though, we're going out with a grrr, because look, we've got the new TVR
00:27here and Richard Hammond has been driving it.
00:30We first came across this car last year, but back then it was very much a work in progress
00:42kind of a thing.
00:44Even the Stig found it a handful.
00:49So here we are in 2003, summertime, obviously, and the 350C is finally ready.
00:56And what we get is a £38,500 car, 3.6-litre straight-six engine with 350bhp.
01:03So it's not the full-on TVR hurricane, it's more a kind of pretty strong storm.
01:09But don't think you can relax, because history shows that even a small TVR can take your head
01:19off.
01:19It's a blaring, scary, full-on kind of thing.
01:23And that's what they're best at, which is great if you like your cars full fat.
01:32But in truth, these days, TVR has to work hard to keep up with the modern competition.
01:37A bit like these.
01:39Like the TVR, the Harrier is a great British institution, but it's 42 years old, so it's been updated
02:07to keep pace with modern demands.
02:10The new Harrier GR9 is cleverer, faster, more comfortable, and easier to fly.
02:16This jet fighter has raised its game.
02:18But in a world of Porsche Boxsters and Z4s, can the TVR do the same?
02:23Well, it's still a TVR.
02:30That's to say, it's raucous, raw, insane to look at.
02:35Smells like a fiberglass canoe factory in here.
02:38It's also loud.
02:41Properly, properly loud.
02:43And along with the usual TVR noise, you get the usual TVR interior.
02:55Crazy, hand-stitched leather, spangled with beautifully crafted switchgear.
03:02Hmm.
03:02So far, then, it's same old, same old.
03:04However, there is a fundamental difference here.
03:10It goes all the way through the car.
03:12The ride, it's just right.
03:14On A and B roads, fine.
03:17It feels more grown-up.
03:21More like a proper car from a sensible, grown-up manufacturer.
03:26So, finally, there's a TVR that you really can use.
03:30It's almost an everyday car.
03:33I really like it.
03:36It works.
03:37It must have limits, though.
03:39But it's not wise to try and find them on the road.
03:41So, let's be off to the track.
03:58Oh, this feels good.
04:01This feels good.
04:02It feels tight and taut and together.
04:06It's these brakes, though.
04:09Ooh.
04:11I mean, I love accelerating.
04:13Ooh, does it?
04:13Ooh.
04:14Ooh.
04:15But for the first time in my life, I am looking forward to braking almost as much.
04:21Ooh.
04:21Ooh.
04:21Ooh.
04:22Ooh.
04:23Ooh.
04:23Ooh.
04:24Ooh.
04:24Ooh.
04:25Ooh.
04:25Ooh.
04:26Ooh.
04:26Ooh.
04:27Ooh.
04:28And normally, driving a TBR with any kind of sense of purpose is a bit like a chan to a bloke in the pub.
04:34And, you know, he says, oh, yeah, we went on holiday, took the missus in the caravan.
04:38Ooh.
04:39And then, poof, punches you in the face, no warning.
04:42This, though, it's got understeer.
04:48It's telling me.
04:49It's saying, oh, I've got to let you know, you're getting on my nerves a little bit.
04:53It hasn't lost the lairiness, but it's just been to anger management.
05:03And that makes it the most user-friendly TBR I've ever been in.
05:09But it does still have TBR blood in its veins.
05:15It's a bit...
05:16So if you push it and push it...
05:21..you can still make a hash of it.
05:32Ooh.
05:33Ooh, that's about to...
05:37Did that on purpose.
05:39But you've really, really got to want to provoke it.
05:42I mean, like walking through the lion enclosure, covered in sausages, and then spilling their pints.
05:48I'm driving the TBR on a wet track, and somehow I don't feel like I've got the Grim Reaper sitting in the seat next to me, kind of...
05:58..clearing his throat, ready to see me off.
06:01So like the Harrier, the TBR 350C keeps its character, but in a world of young guns, it can still cut it.
06:15Wonderful.
06:16It's magnificent.
06:17Great car.
06:18Best TBR I've ever driven, that.
06:19Yeah, you could live with it.
06:20It's a proper machine.
06:21Really could.
06:22Yes.
06:23However...
06:24Oh dear.
06:25If I were going to buy a British sports car, I'd be tempted by one of these, I must admit. The noble, okay? Now, it came here last year, did a 133 in the wet.
06:37Yeah, I reckon the TBR would thrash that anyway.
06:39But that was with the two-and-a-half-litre engine. It now has a three-litre engine.
06:45It's a three-litre Mondeo engine. It's a Ford Mondeo engine.
06:48A turbocharged...
06:49Ford Mondeo engine.
06:50A turbocharged...
06:51Ford Mondeo engine.
06:52This has a proper straight-six configuration. It's a proper race car engine in the TBR.
06:57Mate, that's just a childish thing. Right, you're up for it.
06:59Top trumps.
07:00Okay, then.
07:01Top trumps, okay?
07:02Give me your nought-to-sixty time, eh?
07:044.4 seconds, thank you.
07:06Pap, 4.1.
07:07Oh, it's a fresh...
07:08Flashes you, it's a fresh...
07:09Flashes you, it's a fresh...
07:10Flashes you, it's a fresh...
07:11Flashes you.
07:12Okay, top speed.
07:13175 miles an hour.
07:15Go on, big fella. What have you got? Come on.
07:17175 miles an hour.
07:20167.
07:22Yes!
07:24Erm, erm, I'll tell you what, price.
07:27What is it?
07:28Mine is 38,500 quid.
07:30What does that mean?
07:32Sorry, you know what I mean?
07:33That's only like 40-something to me, so it's more.
07:3647,700.
07:37Well, that's 47,000, so it's nearly 9,000.
07:39That's another car on top of the TBR.
07:41That's made in Blackpool.
07:42Well, yours is nailed together in South Africa and then shipped into Leicestershire.
07:46I mean, that's hardly glamorous.
07:50We're gonna settle this, right?
07:51Yeah.
07:52The track.
07:53Wheel out the stick.
07:54Alright.
07:55This is a duel.
07:56That's a magnificent start.
07:57He's gone.
07:58Look at that.
07:59Oh.
08:00It's up to 30.
08:01No, I'm sorry.
08:02That's in his...
08:03Oh, that's nice.
08:04Hmm.
08:05That's...
08:06Oh, look.
08:07It's a proud thing.
08:08Look at the control there.
08:09I think that's a record for the slowest ever round that.
08:11Come on, hey, twitching.
08:12It's under control.
08:13Nearly lost it under braking there.
08:15Very gentle drift and it looks so glorious.
08:18What a proper car.
08:20Just letting it run white.
08:21Look at that.
08:22Oh, that's glorious.
08:23Do you know, is this lap ever gonna end?
08:25Listen to that straight six.
08:27It's...
08:28Oh, fantastic.
08:2945 miles an hour.
08:30Don't be ridiculous.
08:31Come on, look at the control.
08:32Final corner.
08:33Little bit of drift.
08:34Oh, that was...
08:35That was moving, Jeremy.
08:36It's finished, does it?
08:37I'll see what your ridiculous Mondeo engine thing does.
08:40Now let me show you what real performance is.
08:42Go on, then.
08:43Look at this.
08:44It's gone already.
08:45It's gone already.
08:46It's already in the next county.
08:47You've got a private plate.
08:49That is fabulous.
08:50Look.
08:51On the brakes.
08:52No understeer in this.
08:53Well, isn't...
08:54No understeer in this at all.
08:56Because it's dangerous, Jeremy.
08:57It does.
08:58Look at that.
08:59Oversteer.
09:00No, he didn't lose it in braking there.
09:01No, he's understeer around here.
09:02No, he's crashing.
09:03It's manly.
09:04It's her chute.
09:05No.
09:06It's masculine in every way.
09:07It's plainly ridiculous.
09:08Any minute now, he is gonna crash.
09:10No, he isn't.
09:11Look at that.
09:12It's gone.
09:13Beautiful.
09:14Driving from the stick.
09:15And a very noble, noble.
09:16And across the line.
09:17And there we are.
09:18Well, I'll show you mine.
09:19If you show me yours.
09:20Okay.
09:21One minute.
09:22Okay.
09:23I've got a one minute.
09:24Twenty?
09:25Twenty.
09:26Twenty.
09:27I'm surprised you did it in a one-twenty something.
09:28That would be ridiculous.
09:29What were you?
09:30One minute, twenty-seven.
09:31I thank you.
09:32Which puts it...
09:33Oh, that is very fast.
09:34Let me give you a hand.
09:35There we go.
09:36One-twenty-seven.
09:38Well, that's fantastic.
09:39Sadly, though.
09:40One minute, twenty-five.
09:41No!
09:42Yes!
09:43Yeah, but...
09:44Look at it.
09:45Loser!
09:46No!
09:47Loser!
09:48No!
09:49Loser!
09:50It's a ridiculous look.
09:51Look, it's a childish car, and look what it's brought out in there!
10:01It's not a man's sports car.
10:02I mean, look, now you've just been childish.
10:03I'm not going to get cross.
10:04You lost!
10:05No, you're not annoying me.
10:06I don't care.
10:07You lost!
10:08No, you're not annoying me.
10:09I don't care.
10:10I don't care!
10:11I don't care!
10:12I don't care!
10:13It was...
10:14Right, the news.
10:15And we begin tonight with a, well, probably the best piece of news I've ever heard since
10:20I was born.
10:21An event, in fact...
10:22Don't!
10:23...which eclipses the very miracle of my birth.
10:25Hang on.
10:26The best piece of news you've ever heard, ever?
10:28What is it?
10:29They're going to stop making the Beetle.
10:32And that's it?
10:33Yes!
10:34That's not a new one.
10:35That is fantastic.
10:36No, the old one.
10:37It's not that good, is it?
10:38They're still making it till the 30th of July, and then it stops forever.
10:41And why is that so good?
10:42Why do you hate it so much?
10:43Do you really want me to do it?
10:45Well, no, just...
10:46I can't do it.
10:47Okay.
10:48It's a rubbish car.
10:49That's incisive!
10:50That's the first thing.
10:51It's a rubbish car.
10:52Secondly, it was a scandal.
10:54Okay, that car was stolen from a Czech bloke called Ledwinka, I think?
10:59Oh, yeah.
11:00By Hitler and his henchmen.
11:01They put it into production.
11:02They stole money off the German people to build it and to build a factory.
11:06They never got a car.
11:07Instead, they used the factory and slave Russian labor from the Eastern Front to build B-1 bombs.
11:12You can't blame the cops!
11:13You can't blame the poor little Herbie!
11:16And I haven't finished yet.
11:17Oh, really?
11:18In the factory, Russian slave labor built V-1 flying bombs, one of which landed where my house now stands.
11:25That is the most convoluted reason for...
11:27There's more.
11:28Oh, no.
11:29Does anybody own a Beetle?
11:30No.
11:31No.
11:32Yes.
11:33Right.
11:34Are you happy driving around in a mass murderer's personal bifur bag?
11:37You are.
11:38But what?
11:39I mean, I don't understand it.
11:40It's completely wrong.
11:41It's gone and you're rejoicing.
11:42I'm chuffed a bit.
11:43And I couldn't care less.
11:45Not to say me neither, but, you know, there you are.
11:47A loser.
11:48A loser.
11:49A loser.
11:50A loser.
11:51What's the loser got for us this week, loser?
11:53Well, you big oaf.
11:54I've got the following.
11:55More good news, actually, for you.
11:58Because a while ago, we saw Vauxhall showed us the new Astra.
12:03Well, at least what they said it was going to look like.
12:06We've got a picture of it here.
12:07Now, that we all agreed, I think we are all agreed, is a fantastic looking thing.
12:11And Jeremy said, well, if it looks anything like that when they make the real one, I'll eat
12:16my hair.
12:17And the good news for you, Jeremy, is it looks like this.
12:23So, it's safe.
12:26It's safe.
12:27Yeah.
12:28I mean, they send us a load of stuff on it.
12:29And I've been through it all, and all I can see is lights.
12:32It tells you it's got, this is a good one, forward lighting headlamp system.
12:36Oh, it's like this one.
12:37I'm always fella.
12:38You turn the light, I've illuminated my engine bay again, and that's where I'm going.
12:43And it goes on about the light-scattering translucent technology in the rear lamps, so they usually
12:48light up.
12:49Yeah, I don't get that.
12:50Right, quick one.
12:51John Prescott, right, always telling us, use our cars less.
12:54We know the fella.
12:55Last year spent £320,000 on taxi fares.
13:01Which, I mean, that equates to, we worked out about 900 quid a day.
13:07Where's he going?
13:08Well, exactly.
13:09And why are they bringing him back?
13:10Precisely.
13:11Leaving there.
13:12Yes.
13:13They want to hear go to the Goodwood Festival of Speed?
13:15Yes.
13:16Wasn't it fantastic?
13:17Best thing for me, though, was JK turned up with his new Ferrari Enzo.
13:23300 and however many thousand pounds it is.
13:25Parked it in the car park.
13:26We've got a picture of it here, okay?
13:27Which somebody sent to us.
13:28Now, someone wrote something on the bonnet.
13:30You want to see what it is?
13:32Jodie was faster.
13:33Yes!
13:34You were there, though.
13:43You were there.
13:44It wasn't...
13:45I didn't do it.
13:46I just walked past and thought, that is very, very funny.
13:48He spent the entire day saying to people, no, yes, I will come back.
13:51No, yes, I do hate her.
13:53It's marvellous.
13:54It was a fantastic event, though, Goodwood, this year.
13:56Well, it's massive now, isn't it?
13:58It is.
13:59It's like every Grand Prix and every classic car show jammed together on a gorgeous sunny day.
14:05I've never...
14:06It's brilliant.
14:07Elmett Furson.
14:08Who's Elmett Furson?
14:09Elmett Furson.
14:10Is that an old racing driver?
14:12No, you buffoon.
14:13He thinks hello is a form of greeting.
14:16Elmett Furson is known as the...
14:17She's a girl, James.
14:18You really do live somewhere else, don't you, James?
14:21What's the...
14:22What's the L stand for?
14:23No!
14:24She waved at me.
14:26Are you sure it was a wave?
14:27Yeah, she waved at me.
14:28Wasn't it?
14:29No, no, it wasn't shooing me away or anything.
14:31She waved at me and I saw David Coulthard.
14:34And I've got surprising news on that.
14:35Oh, yeah?
14:36You know Men in Black?
14:37You know the film?
14:38Men in Black?
14:39Well, she's got basic...
14:40The basic premise is there are aliens living on Earth disguised as humans.
14:44Now, David Coulthard, don't you think?
14:48Was actually...
14:49I've always suspected that if you peel away his overalls, he's actually got flippers.
14:54This is great and lovely and all those people you met, that's smashing.
14:58But it was a car event predominantly because we've got the catalogue thing from it here.
15:02The stuff that was there is incredible.
15:04It was.
15:05Did you look at any of it?
15:06Cars?
15:07Yeah, what did you...
15:08I mean the McLaren...
15:09Do you know what I did?
15:10I went up the hill in the...
15:11There's a hill that you basically drive, all the cars go up.
15:13And I went up in the McLaren Mercedes.
15:15The SLR.
15:16The new SLR.
15:17Yeah, stunning thing.
15:18And?
15:19Well, I was still a bit drunk.
15:21So I have...
15:22There it is, look.
15:23I think.
15:24I have...
15:25I don't know.
15:26So hang on, Nick.
15:27So you're probably the first UK journalist to get in that car.
15:29Yeah.
15:30Yeah.
15:31We've been talking about it for what now?
15:32Two years?
15:33Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:34Probably.
15:35And you went up the hill drunk, waving at McPherson Strutt, or whatever her name is.
15:38It wasn't drumming, it was slumped in the passenger seat.
15:41Oh, that's alright then.
15:42Well, can you tell us anything about it?
15:44Who was driving it?
15:45It made a jolly loud noise in the condition I was in, that was for sure.
15:48It sounded like a Messerschmitt and mated with a Spitfire.
15:52To your drunken brain at that time, is it?
15:55Only louder than that.
15:57You wouldn't make much of a war correspondent, would you?
15:59Standing there in war-torn wherever with a desolated landscape.
16:02So, Jeremy, what happened?
16:03Da-da!
16:04Drunk, missed it.
16:05Can we get on?
16:08Good, because if you've got a lot of money to spend on a big four-door saloon car,
16:13there's already lots and lots of choice.
16:16You've got the Audi A8, the Mercedes S-Class, and the Jaguar XJ.
16:24But now, there's a new alternative.
16:26And here it is, in all its brownness.
16:29It's called the Phaeton, and it costs £65,000.
16:35Which is odd, because it's a Volkswagen.
16:39And Volkswagen means people's car.
16:42Right.
16:49When they found evidence of life on Mars, it was a big deal.
16:52But this is bigger.
16:54This proves there are traces of humour in the fatherland.
16:58This is the first ever recorded example of a German joke.
17:04A Volkswagen that costs £65,000.
17:12But actually, it isn't funny.
17:20You see, the Phaeton was the swan song for Volkswagen's boss, Ferdinand Pieck.
17:25He was retiring, and he wanted to go out with a bang.
17:28He wanted to make the best car ever.
17:35He laid down a set of ten parameters, which were apparently so impossible
17:39that half his engineering team walked out.
17:42They said it couldn't be done.
17:47I'm trying to get Volkswagen to tell me what these parameters are,
17:50but they say they're a secret.
17:51They'll only give me one just to give me a flavour.
17:55And apparently, Pieck insisted that you should be able to drive the Phaeton
17:59all day at 186 miles an hour when it's 122 degrees outside,
18:05and the air conditioning must be able to maintain a temperature in the car
18:10of 71.6 degrees.
18:13Nigh, I bet he was fun to go out with of an evening.
18:22Now, I know this looks like a boring car from a boring man on a boring wet day,
18:27but stay with me, because the attention to detail on the Phaeton is staggering.
18:33Since we've been talking about air conditioning and heating, let's stick with it.
18:39Most cars blow air into your face through vents like this,
18:42but look what happens in this one.
18:44Push this button, and a panel slides down where it acts as a sort of radiator.
18:50First car I've ever been in that's got central heating.
18:53And there's a dehumidifier in here, too, so the windows cannot steam up,
18:58no matter what you get up to.
19:03Happily, I can test that out by stepping into the back with the lovely Danielle here.
19:09I'll just pop in.
19:11Don't worry, it's all in the name of science.
19:17There we are.
19:18That is extraordinary.
19:30We've made ourselves a lovely cup of tea back here.
19:32As you can see, the kettle is bubbling away,
19:35but we can still see out of the windows.
19:39Lovely view.
19:41Eee!
19:43Isn't it nice?
19:44There's more, too.
19:49Look at these hinges.
19:51No one's ever going to see them, and yet they're so beautifully machined.
19:57And round at the front, things get even more German.
20:02Normally, when you use the headlamp washers in a car,
20:05huge jets of water squirt onto the glass,
20:09and for a moment, you can't see where you're going.
20:11But look what happens in this.
20:13This one fires first of all,
20:16and then when it's done, this one fires.
20:19So there's always some illumination.
20:22And then there's the bonnet.
20:24Pierck insisted that it had to stay absolutely flat and level,
20:28with no vibration, right up to 190 miles an hour.
20:33Which sounds like overkill, really,
20:35because the phaeton is limited to 155.
20:38I have, however, driven one of these things without a limiter,
20:44and it went up to a smooth and totally stable 201 miles an hour.
20:51And even at that speed, I still couldn't hear the engine.
20:54It's two 3-litre V6s glued together, so the cylinders are actually in that sort of a shape.
21:04It's a 6-litre W12.
21:08It's an amazing engine.
21:11It's an amazing car.
21:12It pains me to admit it, but if I were going to buy a big four-door saloon, wouldn't be the Jag.
21:24I would have that phaeton.
21:25Over the Jag, even with the VW badge.
21:28It's an amazing car, as I said. Amazing.
21:30Well, the interesting thing is they're going to do a two-door version of the phaeton, kind of.
21:36Basically, it's all the technical stuff out of that car in a different body, but with a much better badge.
21:43It's this, the Bentley Continental GT, and it is probably the most eagerly anticipated car for decades.
21:50Designed by a Belgian bloke.
21:51Apparently so, yes.
21:52His only previous credit was the Skoda Fabia.
21:55Yeah, well, it's a bit of a career jump.
21:56It's like an architect doing a garage, and then doing the Natural History Museum next week.
22:01I know, but he can be proud. His mum can be proud.
22:03She can be chuffed.
22:04I mean, look at this interior.
22:06Scoop round and get in here.
22:08Honestly, it puts me in mind of the old Aston Martin Vantage.
22:11You've got bits of phaeton stuff all over everywhere, but there's a sense of absolute luxury and absolute power.
22:18Now, Bentley have said, we can't drive it yet, because it's not ready.
22:22But they're going to have to have it ready by the end of the year, because that's when it's launched.
22:25It costs 120,000 quid.
22:27Tell them how fast it goes.
22:28Well, absolutely, because 0-60 times.
22:31This is a big car, remember, a big Bentley, about the size of this building.
22:350-60, 4.8.
22:374.8 seconds.
22:38Tell them the top speed.
22:39Top speed.
22:40Top speed.
22:41Any ideas?
22:42What do I guess?
22:43Well, you get clever.
22:56That's what you get.
22:58He's wrong.
22:59It's 198 miles an hour.
23:01Yes!
23:02Won't do that again.
23:04198 is phenomenally fast.
23:07But, truth be told, you know, we're not Bentley owners.
23:10You're not.
23:11I'm certainly not.
23:12So, we probably could do with the opinion of one.
23:14Yeah.
23:15And look what we have here.
23:16You have a Bentley.
23:17Sort of.
23:18Sort of.
23:19It's a very old one, but it's a Bentley nevertheless, so what do you think of this?
23:22What do I think of that?
23:23Well, the engine's good.
23:24You know that.
23:25Really?
23:26And it's got two turbochargers as well.
23:27Which the Phaeton doesn't have.
23:28Exactly.
23:29You know it's got 550 brake horsepower.
23:31There's 50 more than a Ferrari 575 and the torque.
23:34They put it on the machine and it just whipped the machine apart.
23:37It turned the house that the machine was in upside down and roared off.
23:41Yeah.
23:42So, the engine's good.
23:43Just a bit.
23:44Right.
23:45We like the shape.
23:46Yeah.
23:47We like the interior.
23:48Yeah.
23:49We like the ashtray actions.
23:50I haven't actually looked in the boot, but...
23:51It's going to be good, I'm sure.
23:52I mean, it's really not stacking up to be a recipe for disaster, this thing, is it?
23:54It's looking good.
23:55We're going to be testing it, obviously, in the next series.
23:58I'm going to be testing it in the next series.
24:00Actually, it's...
24:01I think the opinion of a younger guy...
24:02It's a heavy car and he's a heavy driver.
24:04It's a gentleman's car.
24:05It's a young man's bender, clearly.
24:07We will be testing it and I will be telling you what it's like in the next series.
24:12Now, though, we've got to meet our guest tonight.
24:15He has the second worst hair on television.
24:18You know him as Jonathan Creek, ladies and gentlemen.
24:20Alan Davis!
24:21How are you?
24:22Good to see you.
24:23Good to see you.
24:24Have a seat.
24:26What's...
24:27What's onto your locks?
24:28You mean they're not as long as...
24:29No, I thought they were longer than that.
24:30Well, they used to be very long, but hair technology has moved on and you can now glue hair in if you need it.
24:46Oh, is that glued on in Jonathan Creek?
24:47Yeah.
24:48Is it really hair extensions?
24:49Yeah.
24:50The last two series have been glued in hair from Eastern Europe.
24:51You are a bit of a petrol head beneath the hair extensions.
24:52I like a car.
24:53You do like a car?
24:54Yeah.
24:55What have you got?
24:56I've got an Alpha 147.
24:57There, you see.
24:58They're not...
24:59Look at this.
25:00Now, this is an interesting thing.
25:01No.
25:02Nothing is interesting.
25:03No.
25:04Do that face again that you just did.
25:07That sort of knowing...
25:08There, that.
25:09That was a knowing...
25:10And I think there's a reason for that.
25:11I've got a theory on alphas.
25:12I don't think it's possible to be a proper petrol head unless at some point in your life you've owned an Alfa Romeo.
25:28You think?
25:29Yeah.
25:30Well, I take that as a compliment.
25:32So you had Cavaliers, didn't you, for a while?
25:35I had a Mini, and then I got a white Vauxhall Cavalier in about 1984-05.
25:43My dad got it for me.
25:45But I still don't understand this.
25:46Why has Harry Enfield had a Cavalier at one time?
25:49Yes.
25:50Convertible.
25:51Did he?
25:52Yeah, a Cavalier who's the only person in Britain who bought one.
25:54Is there a Cavalier thing running through the sort of stand-up?
25:58It might be.
25:59Mark Lamar had a Cavalier.
26:00We had Cavaliers at the same time.
26:01We'd stand outside clubs going, look at you all, mine's good, aren't they?
26:05And then Enfield would turn up with his convertible.
26:09Did you all go around together then?
26:11Well, you do gigs out of town always, and I'd take three or four people.
26:16You'd say, who's driving?
26:17So you'd be in Birmingham.
26:19And I was in the Cavalier, I was driving, we were coming back one night from a club in Birmingham, down the M6.
26:25And in the middle of the road were two vast limos.
26:29And I'm in the outside lane, and I had Harry Hill next to me here and two other guys in the back.
26:34And we get alongside the first limo, and it's a bloke in a cap, and the one in front is Barry Manilow.
26:40Unmistakably, Barry Manilow, remember, we're in profile.
26:44Unmistakably, Barry Manilow, and Harry Hill immediately starts,
26:49You write the songs that make the whole world sing.
26:54And then he looks across like that, and there's four blokes and a second-hand Cavalier going,
26:58You write the songs, you write the songs.
27:01And then he sped off about 90.
27:03But we did that once, we came back from Birmingham, Lee Evans was driving.
27:07I can't remember, I don't think he had a Cavalier, but it was something similar.
27:10And there's about four of us in it.
27:12And we said, Lee, we've got to get some chips, we're really hungry.
27:15He said, all right.
27:16So we go, we head off into Birmingham town centre.
27:20And finally, and we get pulled over.
27:23And the police get him out of the car, and make him go and sit in their car.
27:27So we're sat behind, thinking, this is probably really bad.
27:30And then a cop got out of their car, came and stuck his head in our window,
27:34And he goes, so yous lot of all comedians are.
27:39We didn't speak, we were just...
27:41Cougan was around at that time, and he was a complete petrol nutter.
27:45Cougan loves cars.
27:47I mean, I only went in Cougan's car once.
27:49He had an MX-5, a left-hand drive MX-5, with some sort of nitroglycerine attachment to it.
27:55Turbocharger probably.
27:58Yeah.
27:59And having...
28:00We've done this corporate gig at Beverly Racecourse, and having all of us failed to get off with anyone,
28:04He offered me a lift back in it, because I was the closest thing to a girl.
28:08And the...
28:09And the rest of the comics are in the minibus that we all went up in.
28:12So we've shot off in this thing.
28:14And he did the full thing that he would have done if I was a girl.
28:17Flipped the roof off, doing about 80 miles an hour.
28:19Clip, clip, boom, right there.
28:22One hand on the wheel.
28:26I'm looking at the speedo.
28:27We're coming to a roundabout.
28:28It's on 100.
28:29And I'm thinking, we're doing 100 miles an hour.
28:30And then I realize it's at import, right?
28:31So it's kilometers.
28:32But it's still...
28:33It's still 62.
28:34And they're in one of these country hotels, where you've got a gate, and then dark bit, and then the hotel.
28:39And you would think that the road would go straight from the gate to the hotel.
28:43So he went into it, straight off the road, into a field, bouncing...
28:49There's a fence, like that.
28:52Meanwhile, the minibus is going, you know, chum, chum, chum, chum.
28:56He's seeing it.
28:57It's real hair and taut stuff.
28:58He's got to spin it backwards.
29:00And then it's hissing, and spitting, and get into the car park, and leap out casually, with the car completely caked in mud.
29:06Beat the minibus.
29:07Beat the minibus.
29:08Do you buy cars for material?
29:10No.
29:11I've never really talked about the car.
29:12Well, I did.
29:13I mean, there's some stuff that happened to me when I was younger that has made for combi material.
29:17I did, when I was about 21, I got stopped on the M25, and they took me to court for speeding.
29:25And they were in court, and they said he was doing between 106 and 108 miles an hour.
29:30And I said, that'll be 107 now.
29:36I thought it was fair.
29:38And they banned me.
29:40They banned me on the spot.
29:41It's in Brentwood court.
29:42And I said, I went next door to the police.
29:44I said, how am I going to go?
29:45And I drove.
29:46And they said, your problem.
29:47I said, well, no, really.
29:49How do you get home from Brentwood?
29:51Just forget I'm a criminal.
29:52I'm a convicted man.
29:53Imagine I'm just a lost, passed by, and you would like to help me.
29:56How do I get back to Loughton from here?
29:58And it's your problem.
29:59So, I got a bit annoyed, and got in the car and drove.
30:03Woo!
30:04Woo!
30:05Laughing.
30:06They were laughing.
30:07Pulled me over, arrested me, took me back in the same court, in front of the same magistrates.
30:12They were like, mm.
30:13Took me back, and then they put me in the public gallery, and this guy said, you're so unlucky, mate.
30:17They get about four people a day like that.
30:19Driving home.
30:20Next time, if you drive here, park in the hospital, over the road, they'll never see you.
30:24Laughing.
30:25Well, now, we're going to find out what you like in a Suzuki diana.
30:30Oh, okay.
30:31Okay.
30:32Was it a nice, is it raining out there, or is it?
30:33Um, it started to rain more and more.
30:35So, it was a wet time, you had?
30:37It was, it was alright at first, and then it really was raining quite a lot.
30:40And at one point, just before, I had to, break, break, break!
30:43There's this thing.
30:44Turn in, turn in, turn in!
30:46I was actually thinking, break, break, break, windscreen wipers.
30:49Laughing.
30:50Who would you like to beat on the board?
30:53Where do you think you want to be?
30:55I mean, Michael Gambon was here, he's a wet lap.
30:57The W's are wet.
30:58Ross Kemp, 154, wet.
31:00Coogan, 153 in the wet.
31:02Well, that's respectable, isn't it?
31:03Near Coogan.
31:04You want to be, do you want to beat Coogan?
31:06I don't think I could, having been in his MX-5, it's doubtful.
31:09Well, shall we find out?
31:11Yeah!
31:12Right, let's have a look.
31:13Let's have a look.
31:14What did you think of the car?
31:18Well, it was surprisingly alright.
31:19Not bad so far.
31:21Really?
31:22Really?
31:23Really?
31:24Really?
31:25Really?
31:26That's where Joanie Kidd was quick, because she never really...
31:31Oh, you see, she was on that line all the way around.
31:36It's hard to stay on the line.
31:37I know.
31:38My word.
31:40Job coming up now to Michael Gambon corner, where he nearly rolled it.
31:45Are you alright?
31:46Yes!
31:47Yes!
31:48And then we are across the line.
31:50Oh!
31:59How do I do?
32:00One minute.
32:01Shall we call that wet or dry?
32:03We need a new category.
32:04D for damp.
32:05D for damp.
32:06D for damp, yeah.
32:07Mildly damp at the end.
32:08Mildly damp at the end.
32:09Mildly damp.
32:10So, you did it.
32:12Now, mildly that was somewhere like, one minute, fifty... four seconds.
32:18Oh, not too bad.
32:19So, you're just behind.
32:20The thing is, though, basically a second off Coogan, although he did it in a monsoon and
32:34was 1.53.
32:35Well, that's...
32:36Yeah, I can believe that.
32:37Yeah.
32:38Now, you didn't have a completely smooth practice out there, did you?
32:43No.
32:44You broke Aliana.
32:45Yeah, I did.
32:46You broke Aliana.
32:47Look at this.
32:48Look at this, everyone.
32:55Look at that!
32:56Look at that front wheel.
32:57Well, that wasn't from the spin, that was from something else.
33:00It wouldn't go...
33:02It wouldn't go round the corner.
33:04It was...
33:05You broke it!
33:07You joined...
33:08You just see the ambulance in the back room.
33:10Yes, there's always.
33:11But I came round the corner, that was actually really...
33:13I thought that was my best lap.
33:15It probably wasn't your best lap with a puncture like that.
33:17Slows you down a bit.
33:18I don't know.
33:19I don't know where the puncture happened.
33:20Nevertheless, a good time.
33:22Great to have you here.
33:23Ladies and gentlemen, Alan Davis!
33:25Now, news came into the office the other day that Cadillac was in real trouble.
33:37So immediately, Hammond and I went for lunch.
33:40May, on the other hand, said, no, no, no.
33:43I must go and find out what's wrong and what they're doing to put it right.
33:46So...
33:47Over to you, Billy Bob Jimmy May Jr. III.
33:51Here's the problem.
33:54Cadillac's main customers are a lot of doddery old biffers in Florida.
34:01People who like their suspensions soft, like their spreads.
34:06The situation's even worse in Britain.
34:08They tried to woo us with the Cadillac STS, but nobody bought one.
34:13Well, except Stuart Hall.
34:15Clearly, some drastic measures are necessary.
34:18So, how drastic is this?
34:30It's the Cadillac 16.
34:32A car designed to show the world that Cadillac can once again lead the way in luxury.
34:41Well, it's very big, which is a good start.
34:43And it's also rather clever.
34:45Let's have a look at the engine, for example.
34:47That is a 13 and a half litre V16, 16 cylinders.
34:54But if you're just cruising along, you only use four cylinders.
34:57If you go to overtake someone, you get eight cylinders.
35:00And it's only when you flatten it, as the Americans would say, that you get all 16.
35:04Now, that means that this two and a half ton, 20 foot long car will do 20 miles to the gallon,
35:10which is actually very impressive.
35:13Mile Bentley does 14 miles to the gallon.
35:16And that's a small car.
35:21Inside, it's rather like a very rich, self-made American's house.
35:24I mean, the wood is just a bit too shiny, really.
35:27And the leather is a bit like a supermodel's buttocks.
35:30And the clock is too posh.
35:34That's good.
35:35So here we are on the historic and demanding Goodwood race circuit.
35:45This is where Stirling Moss nearly died.
35:47And Bruce McLaren did.
35:50And this is a 1,000 horsepower car.
35:52So I thought I'd smoke this cigar and talk about luxury.
36:05I like luxury.
36:07It's the new performance.
36:09Do you know, I think they've got this spot on.
36:18This is exactly what a Cadillac should be.
36:21It's big and plush and probably a bit vulgar.
36:25Now, I don't think the Queen's going to have one because she's got a Bentley.
36:28And I don't think Gerhard Schroeder's going to have one because he's got a Mercedes Benz.
36:33And Elvis can't have one because he's dead.
36:37But let's think where the real money is these days.
36:40Elton John.
36:42David and Victoria.
36:43Puff Diddley or Dudley or whatever he's called this week.
36:47Stuart Hall.
36:53This car is absolutely of its time.
37:00Now, this is what I call shock and awe.
37:02It's hammer time.
37:04I have not been interested in any Cadillac, really.
37:06Not since 57.
37:07And I wasn't born then, so I wasn't particularly interested even then.
37:09But this is just amazing, isn't it?
37:11I think it's just, it's fabulous.
37:14It's stolen the show a bit, hasn't it?
37:16It has.
37:17It has.
37:18It's warped all over the Bentley, which we thought would be the king of the hill today.
37:22Can they make it?
37:24Well, I didn't say this in the film, but this is really just a prototype.
37:27It's a sort of experimental car.
37:28But they could make it because there's nothing, there's no pie in the sky stuff.
37:31It's got a proper engine, it's a proper space frame, it's got a normal interior.
37:35They could make it.
37:36Can I see that engine?
37:37Yeah.
37:38I know I saw it when you film.
37:39I just want to see it in real life.
37:40Now, this would be powered on the real version, obviously.
37:42Well, it would be.
37:43I know Americans might lose weight if they actually had to do something for themselves.
37:46Oh, hey.
37:47Look at, where's the propeller?
37:49Yeah.
37:50I mean, it either needs one on the front or on the back.
37:52And that's how many?
37:53Thirteen and a half?
37:54Thirteen.
37:55It's actually thirteen point six litres.
37:57One thousand horsepower.
37:59So, what will it take for them to actually put this into production?
38:02Well, I reckon those people I mentioned in the film, like...
38:05Oh, Elton and...
38:06Elton and...
38:07You and Stuart Hall.
38:09Stuart Hall?
38:10Stuart Hall.
38:11You ring up Cadillac, whatever their number is, and say, make that car.
38:16So, Stuart, if you're watching tonight, do that.
38:18You'll be the talk of Cheshire.
38:21Now, usually when there's anything on the telly about disabled drivers, it's just about
38:25somebody converting their maestro so you can put a chair in it.
38:28Or it's about parking, close to things.
38:31But not on this show.
38:32Because a few weeks ago, bloke came in to see the show in the studio here in his wheelchair.
38:36And he said, well, there's nothing me and my mates like more than hammering around a racetrack.
38:42And that gave us an idea.
38:46We set out to find Britain's fastest disabled driver.
38:49We trawled racing clubs to find the drivers.
38:51We found a specially converted racing Porsche 911.
38:54And we had our track, which was very wet.
38:57One, two, three, one, go!
39:07Once you've got used to the hand control, I mean, are you as quick?
39:17It's probably a misconception.
39:18I think so.
39:19Do you think?
39:20I can actually break harder and quicker because, basically, you're on there already.
39:23Yeah.
39:24You've got some pressure and control already.
39:25And because you're in that frame of mind with one limb, it's like, you're right on there
39:28without having to think about moving your foot around or anything like that.
39:30Oh, well, hell!
39:31You did that on purpose, at least.
39:32That's what he's gonna say.
39:33You did it, mate.
39:34You did it, mate.
39:35Oh!
39:36Oh, well, hell!
39:48You did that on purpose, at least.
39:51That's what he's going to say.
39:52You did it, mate.
39:55You done, you like .
39:56To the side.
40:00You go wild and hide.
40:02Going to the side.
40:04If you go round the right-hand corner, because I've got no lower back muscles, it's like, uh-oh, won't plenty of help, what about that?
40:10The other thing is that he hasn't got to worry about breaking his back, has he?
40:22I think I've given it some, haven't I?
40:23Yes.
40:25Could almost take a boat out there now.
40:34The results, and they are as follows.
40:53In sixth place, uh, Peter, it was you, mate, with 2 minutes 20, and he crashed on the way home, so that was a great day for you.
40:59Well, seriously, he did bend it on the way out.
41:02Well done. Uh, Tim, you were in fourth, 1 minute 58.8, respectable time, um, despite your monster nearly crash.
41:10Rob, you know, that was a proper crash. 1 minute 55.6 puts you in third.
41:16Colin, second place, 1 minute 54.8, good solid time.
41:19But then there's a huge leap, 1 minute 47.
41:23Lee, you came first, mate. Well done.
41:24Thank you, gentlemen.
41:25You know, look at that.
41:33It's a proud moment.
41:35Yeah, but, but, thing is, we got chatting while we were doing this, as you do in the rain, and something came up, and it's this.
41:44Who amongst you has been stopped by the police in your car? Be honest. Come on, hands up.
41:50Hands up. Right, basically, it's everybody apart from Colin. All of them.
41:54Now, uh, when you were stopped, who of you has, at some point, been let off?
42:00Come on, be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:02Now, this got me thinking, because I know it happened to you, Rob. Tell me, what happened? What went on?
42:08Um, I was just going home after a nice evening jolly.
42:11Bit quickly.
42:12Not been drinking, yes. I've got a reasonably fast car. I was going reasonably fast.
42:15Well, you've got a twin-turbo super. It's a very fast car.
42:18Well, I wasn't using all turbos at the time.
42:19Right, okay.
42:21And it was, um, it was a bit late. The roads were clear. It was quite, you know, early, early hours of the morning.
42:25Um, light was changing from, uh, amber to red. And I thought, well, I'll easy beat that. And it does.
42:31See, I got pulled, and they pulled up. So I thought, right, how am I going to handle this?
42:35So I ran the window down just as he got there, and I flicked the light on just as he looked in.
42:38And he was just about to start his patter and spotted the wheelchair and said, ah, um, right, it's a nice car for...
42:45So he saw the chair and basically stumbled back all embarrassed.
42:48He didn't know what to do about it.
42:49And you got let off?
42:50Yeah, and he said, uh, on your way, son, have a nice evening.
42:52Seriously. So, Mr. Policeman, if you are watching, next time you see any of these guys speeding, and you pull them, nick them.
43:02This, sadly, is the last show in the current series, and as soon as it's over, we'll be going on holiday for a few months.
43:07But whilst we're on the beach, we still need your help for the 2003 Top Gear Motoring Survey.
43:13Last year, we had 37,000 respondents, making it the biggest independent survey of UK motorists.
43:17We want more of you this year. If your car was registered between 1999 and 2002, we want to know about it.
43:24We want to know what fell off. We want to know what your deal is like, if he can make you a decent cup of coffee, all that stuff.
43:28It's done online. It's easy.
43:30www.bbc.co.uk forward slash Top Gear.
43:35Please get tapping. We'll bring you the results of what you say in the autumn.
43:39Now, there was going to be a theme to tonight's programme. We were going to do tuned cars.
43:45I was going to tell you about a Brabus Mercedes that could do 200 miles an hour in a Mini with 200 brake horsepower.
43:51And I got a whole load of these cars together and took them to a stud farm in Newmarket.
43:55I have no idea why. I don't know what I was thinking of.
43:57And this is what happened.
44:00Here I am, look, blathering on about something or other.
44:03And clearly, only the horse is excited by what I had to say.
44:13So, really, we scrubbed it, scrubbed the whole thing.
44:17Only one bit of that idea still remains.
44:21The Range Rover.
44:22It used to be very easy to make one of these things better.
44:26You just did all the nuts and bolts up properly.
44:28But since the new one came out, the one that we made Car of the Year last year, it's very difficult to improve it.
44:34That hasn't stopped people trying, though.
44:43This is the Range Rover 580S, which has been breathed on by a company called Overfinch.
44:50It's priced at £45,000.
44:54Plus £60,000 for the original car.
44:58What Overfinch used to do with the old Range Rover was replace the standard engine with a 5.7-litre V8 from a Corvette.
45:13It was fun.
45:14If your name was BP S.O. McShell.
45:17With the new one, though, they've stuck with the standard BMW engine, boring it out to 5.0-litres and fitting a hugely expensive crankshaft.
45:29Think of this, then, as a Range Rover M5.
45:34You get 380 brake horsepower.
45:43That's 100 more than standard.
45:46380 brake horsepower is what you used to get out of a Ferrari 355.
45:49And they've fiddled with the gearbox, so now, when you floor it, it changes down immediately, immediately, and you're off.
45:58To demonstrate what all this power means, I've organised a little drag race.
46:09A Mercedes SLK versus a two-and-a-half-ton truck.
46:20And we're not cheating.
46:25This Mercedes has the big engine, the 3.2-litre V6.
46:29So think of it, then, as a race between an athlete and someone who's fat.
46:35Oh, and to make the fat man's job a little harder, he'll be racing off-road.
46:46Sport mode.
46:492,000 RPM, man.
46:55I'm ahead.
46:58It's getting awfully bumpy.
46:59Oh!
47:02Oh!
47:03I am in the lead.
47:06I've got double vision.
47:07I'm being chased by two Mercedes.
47:15And I win.
47:18God, this thing's quick.
47:24On the road, the Overfinch does 0-60 in 7.1 seconds and has a top speed of 140.
47:31The only problem is that the steering and the suspension haven't been changed at all.
47:44It's a bit like sliding down a black run in a wardrobe.
47:48It's a giggle.
47:51But you've got no real say in the direction of travel.
47:54So it's not a nimble sports car, then.
48:10More of a Mach 4 bulldozer.
48:12But the best thing about this car is not the engine, or the gearbox, or the TV screens in the back of the headrest, or the hand-stitched leather, or the fancy wheels.
48:23The best bit is to be found in the boot.
48:26You see, Land Rover say that if you want seven seats, you have to buy a Discovery.
48:31It's a business practice I think they got from Das Kapital.
48:35But Overfinch are different.
48:37Look.
48:38Two little seats with seatbelts that fold away.
48:43And some hay for the horses, look.
48:45Isn't that terrific?
48:46The normal Range Rover is a very good car, but this is a rock-crushing, people-carrying, Porsche-bashing, fuel-guzzling, point-and-squirt, muscle-bound mountain goat.
49:08Do you know what I was reminded of watching that?
49:11Do you remember that Dutch car that we had on last week?
49:13Oh, last week.
49:14The lean, 45-degree lean thing.
49:16It's like that.
49:16You were right.
49:17You'd have to be completely insane to try and set a time around the track in this.
49:22Oh, man.
49:23So, that'll be a job for the Stig, then.
49:25Yeah.
49:26Right, thundering off the line like a big V8 hippopotamus.
49:29So wet out there.
49:31Now, of course, the Overfinch has four-wheel drive.
49:33Also, weighs as much as a church.
49:40Stig there in a suave mood.
49:42And look at the body roll through Chicago.
49:44That is scary.
49:45Now, he's lumbering up to the Hammerhead.
49:48Looking a bit slow, it must be said.
49:51Heaving through the follow-through.
50:00This thing is immense in a straight line.
50:03Not so fond of Ben's, however.
50:05Up to the last band.
50:06Lots more.
50:06He's got off-road.
50:08Does he curl?
50:09He's got off-road into Gambon now.
50:11And across the line in one minute, 44 seconds.
50:184 seconds, despite the cheat, the slowest ever.
50:22It sounded good, though.
50:23It did sound good.
50:23I have to tell you, though, the Stig afterwards said that's the first time he's ever been scared
50:27behind the wheel of a car.
50:28Really?
50:29Yeah, which is marvellous.
50:31Now, we got to the bit of the programme, really, which we call the broken biscuit section.
50:35It's all the stuff that we said we were going to do as the series has progressed that we haven't done.
50:40We're going to cram it into the last few minutes.
50:41And actually, since we're standing here, let's stick with the Range Rover.
50:46You see, when it was launched last year, Land Rover said, don't worry, we're building this one properly.
50:52So we said, OK, if you're so confident, lend us one for six months, we'll run it, and we'll see if anything goes wrong.
51:00Actually, yeah.
51:00You then went on to say, and if anything does go wrong, you would shoot the managing director's dog, if we remember.
51:06I did say that.
51:07Yeah.
51:07And we've had stacks of letters from people who say that theirs has gone wrong.
51:11I was talking to a chap in the audience just a few minutes ago, and he said, I've just bought it.
51:15And I said, is it here?
51:16He said, no, I've come down in a discovery.
51:18It's broken.
51:19However, the deal was, if this one goes wrong, this is the one they lend us.
51:24Now, I've given it a hard time.
51:25We've used it as a Top Gear chase car.
51:27It's been off-road.
51:28It is disgusting.
51:30Worst test of all, kids' school-run car.
51:32They treat it, well, like animals, really.
51:34And here we are, six months wrong.
51:36It's done the lot.
51:37And, what's the news for the dog?
51:39Well, last week it was good.
51:41But, unfortunately, just the other day, this is the electric steering wheel adjuster, where it's perfectly okay going in and out.
51:47Yeah.
51:48Won't go up and down.
51:49Oh, dear.
51:50Mind you, it's not the sort of thing you can kill a man's dog over, is it?
51:53No, and I don't think we could even wound the dog for that.
51:56However, I was up at Land Rover the other day, and it turns out the managing director is a keen bonsai enthusiast.
52:03Oh, yeah.
52:03And I stole this from his desk.
52:05It's something he's been nurturing since he was a child.
52:08He didn't want us to show you this, but he got himself a racing license the other day.
52:20And he said, I'm going to take part in a 24-hour motor race for two CVs in Norfolk.
52:27Right, here's the race.
52:30There's the team he assembled.
52:32There's Hammond, obviously.
52:34That's the fastest vicar for the last series.
52:36The fastest raster, and a professional race driver.
52:39Beautifully prepared car.
52:41Loaned by a family.
52:42Yeah, loaned by beautifully crafted so that he could take part in it.
52:46Now, the thing is, okay, as I said, Hammond isn't a racing driver.
52:52Here he comes, look.
52:53He's got the suit.
52:54He's got the helmet.
52:56He's got a romper suit.
52:58It turns out, okay, it turns out the only aspect of racing driving he's any good at
53:03is thinking up excuses.
53:06Just watch this.
53:08He broke the car, it wasn't me.
53:10They forgot to tell me.
53:11Nice one, Levi.
53:13Every time I break, the gearbox was coming away and moving forward and taking the gear.
53:18It didn't have wobble, which it didn't do yesterday.
53:22The engine.
53:23I'd have been, you know, Levi's time.
53:25Blitzed.
53:25Probably a 1 minute 45 was on the cards.
53:29But it might be more of a...
53:30But now you've got the perfect experience.
53:31220, 230.
53:32He blamed just about everything there, didn't he?
53:36I don't think...
53:36Here he is.
53:38Yeah, well, it was tricky.
53:39You know, things go wrong.
53:40It's exciting.
53:41Did the tyres go off?
53:42Yeah, they were going to.
53:43We forgot about the tyres going off.
53:44Yeah, that was my next excuse.
53:45Did you have a problem with reliability throughout this year?
53:46Never mind then.
53:47This is again...
53:47Where did you come?
53:4913th.
53:49Out of...
53:5013th.
53:50About 14th, so it wasn't brilliant.
53:52You were second to well.
53:52But the weather was against us as well.
53:54Did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did.
53:55Enough of the excuses.
53:56You're useless.
53:56You're not being allowed to do any more motor racing.
53:58It wasn't good.
53:58Now, we never thought we'd have to do this, but we do.
54:02We thought that JK would sit on top of our fastest ever celebrity board forever and a day.
54:08But then a couple of weeks ago, this happened.
54:12Jodie Kidd came here.
54:14And I'm sure you remember what the result was.
54:21She beat JK by 0.3 of a second,
54:25making her the fastest person, the fastest star in a reasonably priced car.
54:31Now, sadly, Jodie can't be with us tonight, because she can't be bothered.
54:34So we're going over to a pub near here, where she is.
54:39This is going to go very, very high up on my, uh, on my, uh, above my fire.
54:45It's going to be there looking at me.
54:47And, uh, very proud of it.
54:49And, uh, this lovely plasticness is beautiful.
54:53I'd just like to thank, uh, my agent, my family.
54:58Oh, for God's sake, shut up.
55:00Um, that is it, really, isn't it, for the end of the show,
55:04and, indeed, the end of the series.
55:06If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you've seen in the last ten weeks,
55:09do, please, keep them to yourselves.
55:12See you in the autumn.
55:13Good night.
55:13On board a nuclear submarine,
55:21fighting the war continues next here on BBC Two.
55:24Outro music.
55:45Outro music.
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