00:00Have you ever had someone say all the right things, but something still felt off? That may be a sign
00:05your nervous system is picking up on incongruence. They're saying the right words. I care about you.
00:11I want this to work. I'm not mad. But their body, their tone, their energy, it all kind of says
00:16something else. Most of us were never taught to trust that feeling. We were taught to prioritize
00:20words, to believe what someone says over what we sense, especially if what we're sensing is hard
00:26to prove. Now, incongruence isn't always manipulative. Sometimes it's unintentional.
00:31Sometimes it's the result of someone trying to say the right thing, but their body hasn't caught up.
00:36Maybe they haven't done the deeper work or they're still defending, still posturing, right? Performing
00:40in some way. So the words are polished, but something in the energy is unresolved. Here's the good news.
00:46You can actually name this. You can say, I hear your words, but something still feels off for me.
00:51Can we slow down and just see what's here? So when you say something like that, you're not accusing,
00:55you're inviting. And if the person gets defensive, that's actually good information too. It's okay
01:00to not have congruence. It's also good to be able to call it out. Sometimes it's more about you and
01:05your narrative, and sometimes it will be more about what's going on for them. I love the way
01:10one of my friends and relationship mentors, love coach Annie Lala, she says, trust the signal,
01:15not the story. The signal is the thing that shows up in our body and makes us kind of scratch our
01:21head because it doesn't match what's coming out of their mouth. The story is what
01:25ever we make up about that signal. They're definitely cheating. They don't really love
01:29me. They're lying. The healthiest relationships won't necessarily always feel congruent, but you
01:34together get better at calling it out when it's not there because both of you don't want to just
01:39look like you're in connection, you actually want to feel connected.
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