00:00Do you think you have good boundaries? If these three things aren't true, I hate to say it,
00:04but you probably don't. Most people mistakenly think having boundaries means being able to say
00:09no. But real boundaries aren't about another person doing anything differently. They're about
00:14taking action for yourself as a way of taking care of you. And while I might sound a little
00:18harsh right now, boundaries have been something I have personally struggled with my whole life.
00:23One, a boundary is something you do, not something you'll hope they do for you.
00:27Not a boundary. You need to stop raising your voice. Actual boundary. If the conversation
00:31gets loud, I'm going to step out and come back once we both calm down. If you're waiting for
00:35them to change so you feel safe, that's not a boundary. That's a wish and a prayer and also
00:40feels like punishment. Two, speaking of punishment, a boundary doesn't punish, it protects. So not a
00:46boundary. If you don't text me back, I'm blocking you. Actual boundary. When I don't hear from you
00:50after we've had a hard conversation, I spiral. So next time I'm going to take space and focus on
00:55calming my nervous system before trying to reconnect. Three, a boundary is about consistency,
01:00not a dramatic declaration. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Until next week. Actual boundary.
01:06I love you and I also know I've been tolerating things that leave me feeling resentful. I'm going
01:10to start doing things differently so I can stay in this relationship with more integrity.
01:13Healthy boundaries aren't ultimatums. They're agreements you make and keep with yourself.
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