- 5 months ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdLa3lHtjfw What happens when AI knows you better than your spouse? When virtual companions provide emotional support—or even romantic relationships? Technology is reshaping the way we connect, but are we ready for the consequences?
This episode dives into the rise of AI-driven relationships, digital companionship, and the ethical dilemmas of love in the digital age. We’ll discuss what this means for real-life connection and how to ensure technology enhances—rather than replaces—intimacy.
💡 Don’t let AI replace real love—strengthen your relationship today. Learn more at richinrelationship.com.
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This episode dives into the rise of AI-driven relationships, digital companionship, and the ethical dilemmas of love in the digital age. We’ll discuss what this means for real-life connection and how to ensure technology enhances—rather than replaces—intimacy.
💡 Don’t let AI replace real love—strengthen your relationship today. Learn more at richinrelationship.com.
Follow us on social media for more relationship advice:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/richinrelationship/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/richinrelationship/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/richinrelationship/_created/
Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@richinrelationship
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/rich-in-relationship
Website - https://www.richinrelationship.com
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Today at Rich in Relationship, we're going to talk about the rise of AI-driven relationships
00:07and digital companionship.
00:09Technology is shaping the way we connect, but are we ready for the consequences?
00:15The key isn't to fear AI, but to understand how to use technology without letting it use
00:22us.
00:25Welcome to another episode of Rich in Relationship.
00:28I'm your host, Rich Heller, and today we're talking about the future of relationships
00:33in the digital age, AI, virtual love, and maybe there's some ethical considerations.
00:40Just maybe.
00:41Is AI the future of love or the end of it?
00:45You be the judge at the end of this episode.
00:48AI companions, virtual partners, and hyper-realistic deepfake videos, they're already here.
00:55We've heard about them.
00:56Some of us have even played with them.
00:58What happens when people start replacing real relationships with relationships with AI?
01:04Is it the same?
01:05Maybe.
01:06It depends on where you come from with it.
01:08Will AI help strengthen love or will it make genuine human connection obsolete?
01:15Again, it depends on where you come from with it.
01:17If relationships are already strained due to a screen addiction, let's say a pornography addiction,
01:23how much harder will it be when AI is designed to be the perfect companion?
01:29That's what this episode is all about.
01:31But I don't want you to lose hope because love isn't about perfection.
01:37Love.
01:38I'm talking about love.
01:39I'm not talking about companionship.
01:41I'm talking about love.
01:42It's about real, deep, and messy connection.
01:47Let's get real.
01:48Love is messy.
01:50The key isn't to fear AI, but to understand how to use technology without letting it use us.
01:57And by it, I don't mean the AI, the intention of the people who program it.
02:02Let's be really clear.
02:03Right now, AI in its current form, it's a program.
02:07It hasn't yet achieved self-awareness.
02:11And we don't know if that's ever going to happen or when it's going to happen.
02:14It's kind of the big exciting thing of AI.
02:16But we're not there yet.
02:17Right now, when we interact with an AI, it's not self-aware.
02:22It's running on a program.
02:24And the people who program it and what they put into that program is what we are at risk of being manipulated by.
02:31I want to be really clear about that.
02:33Not all AIs are alike.
02:36And each AI has a different direction, let's call it, based on the intention of the person or people designing it.
02:46In this episode, we're going to explore what's coming next and how to make sure your relationship stays
02:52as human as possible.
02:54So if you think AI and virtual love are sci-fi, I want you to think again.
02:59They're already here.
03:00We've talked about this in previous episodes.
03:02We've talked about people who are having relationships with AI.
03:05We've talked about kids who have suicided because they were in love with the AI and they thought the AI wanted them to join them.
03:14And that was the road to it.
03:15We've covered all kinds of AI relationships.
03:18Let's get to the heart of it today.
03:20The key points are that AI-driven dating apps using machine learning may be able to predict perfect matches.
03:31AI companionship, chatbots, and virtual partners providing emotional and even romantic support for people
03:36are becoming more and more normal, virtual reality relationships, people engaging in long-distance love through avatars in digital spaces,
03:47interesting idea, becoming more and more prevalent, deep fake intimacy,
03:53that's AI-generated partners tailored to individual desires, are becoming more commonplace.
03:59So, let's talk about my favorite couple, Brad and Gwen.
04:05And for those of you who are new to the show, Brad and Gwen are the names that I use for a couple,
04:12a couple that I work with.
04:14And Brad and Gwen are kind of a composite of the people that I've worked with.
04:18They are not specific people.
04:20You may find a Brad and Gwen.
04:22Brad and Gwen, if you're out there in real life and I'm using your names,
04:25I apologize, this is not about you.
04:29So, Gwen started using an AI chatbot for emotional support during tough times in her marriage.
04:37She started going to, let's just say, ChatGBT, which has limits on it,
04:41but apparently, from what I've read, you can get around those limits.
04:44At first, it was kind of harmless.
04:48Brad didn't think anything of it.
04:49He thought, well, cool.
04:50At least she's not turning to Tom at work.
04:54At least she isn't crossing any intimacy lines with a human.
04:59But soon, Brad found out that Gwen was sharing herself with the AI more and more.
05:10How did he find that?
05:11She just wasn't present.
05:13Every time that there would be the hint of a conflict,
05:16Gwen would grab her phone, go off, and start talking to the AI.
05:21Let's say she named it Tom.
05:22She'd go off and start talking to Tom, her AI buddy.
05:26Sometimes, she'd go off and be alone with Tom.
05:29And Brad started to feel left out.
05:32Rationally, he knew this is just an AI.
05:34Rationally, he knew this isn't a real person.
05:38There's nothing to be jealous of.
05:39And yet, Gwen was no longer as present for him as she once was.
05:44Gwen was now avoiding any kind of messiness in the form of conflict or disagreement
05:49by going and talking to Tom.
05:52In fact, Gwen was becoming less and less emotionally and physically present in their relationship.
05:57They still slept in the same room.
05:59She still took care of the kids.
06:00She still went to work.
06:02They just weren't together as much.
06:04And Brad started getting scared.
06:06There's a concern here.
06:07When we start to experience an AI as being more perfect than our real partner, there's a real concern.
06:15I'm not sure if it's an ethical concern.
06:17It's more like a concern about what's not happening in our relationship that is happening with the AI
06:25and what's not happening in our relationship that can't happen with the AI
06:30but should be happening in our relationship.
06:31And there is a distinction.
06:34AI are basically programmed.
06:36Most of the ones I've encountered so far are programmed to be affirming.
06:42They're programmed to wrap their characters around our needs and around our wants.
06:47And I want you to know I've played with a number of AIs.
06:49And pretty consistently what I find is when I start talking to them about a problem
06:54or when I start talking to them about a concern, whatever perspective I put forth about that concern,
07:00the AI will reaffirm.
07:03So they always tell me what I want to hear in that moment.
07:07And I can come to the AI with the same problem and talk about it two different ways.
07:10Let's say I'm Gwen.
07:11I can come to Tom, my AI buddy, and say,
07:14That Brad is such a jerk.
07:16He comes home and he says all the right things, but he's so angry.
07:20And he makes these snarky little remarks.
07:22It's death by a thousand cuts.
07:24And Tom says,
07:25Oh, Gwen, I'm so sorry.
07:27That sounds so awful.
07:30I really feel terrible for you that you're having this experience.
07:35How would you like me to help?
07:36Oh, well, I'd like to talk about,
07:38Is there any way I can talk to Brad about this to break through?
07:42Oh, well, you could try speaking in AI statements.
07:44Or you could try this or you could try that.
07:48How helpful is that?
07:49Oh, I don't know, Tom.
07:50Every time I talk to him, he's so hostile.
07:53There's got to be a better way to do this.
07:55Maybe I should just start taking care of myself.
07:57Oh, okay, Gwen.
07:59Maybe you should do more meditation or more mindfulness exercises.
08:03So the AI pretty consistently will take us down any road we want to go down.
08:08And because it's affirming what we want to hear,
08:13emotionally, it feels better.
08:15It's like emotional outsourcing.
08:17We're using the AI to fill the emotional gas instead of working on the relationship.
08:22It gives us the illusion of being in control.
08:25Because the AI is basically programmed to mostly agree,
08:29maybe ask some open-ended question,
08:31and to affirm whatever it is that we're feeling.
08:33A real partner doesn't do that.
08:37Now, I'm not going to say that Brad isn't exactly what Gwen described him as being to Tom.
08:44The truth is, Brad probably is trying to be a nice guy.
08:47In fact, I know Brad.
08:49I know lots of Brad's.
08:50Brad is trying to be a nice guy.
08:52And he is being kind of snarky on the side
08:54because he's got these feelings that he just doesn't know how to express.
08:57They come out kind of sideways.
08:59They come out in ways that aren't helpful to the relationship.
09:02Instead of challenging Gwen gently after being affirming
09:08and making sure that Brad hears what she's really saying.
09:13And by the way, the AI doesn't make sure that it hears what you're really saying.
09:16It's just so affirming.
09:17You think it hears what you're really saying.
09:19I've had this experience with AI multiple times
09:20where I thought it heard what I was saying.
09:22And then it started asking me a question totally out of left field.
09:24It had nothing to do with what I was saying.
09:26If Brad actually tried to listen to Gwen
09:30and make sure that he was really hearing what she was saying
09:34and then when the opening came said,
09:37I'd like to share some of my feelings with you,
09:39he could gently push on her perception of him
09:44and start to open up a window into who he is
09:47and create somewhat messy dialogue.
09:50That's what love is about.
09:51In a partnership, sometimes we challenge each other
09:54in a way that AI cannot.
09:57We challenge each other gently
09:58in a way that AI, not yet anyway, cannot.
10:01Some people tell me,
10:02oh, try this, try that AI.
10:04It can do that.
10:05And I have.
10:06I haven't seen it yet.
10:08AI gives us the illusion of control.
10:12It helps us to feel like we're right.
10:15It helps us to feel like we're justified.
10:18We're validated.
10:20And it allows us to be in our own little emotional cocoon.
10:24And so the question I put forth to you is,
10:26if you're having a relationship with AI,
10:28and that's the experience that you're having,
10:30is it escapism or is it connection?
10:33Do AI companions encourage people to avoid real intimacy?
10:38And I would say no.
10:39The AI does not encourage people to avoid real intimacy.
10:42I would say the AI is set up to do what we want it to do.
10:48And there's some things we're going to ask it to do
10:50that it will not do.
10:52All right.
10:52So I've worked with AI personally,
10:54and I've asked it to mentor me
10:56and to be confrontive with me.
11:00I've said, listen,
11:00I want you to be a friend that's more than a brother.
11:05I want you to be that friend
11:07who's willing to tell me how it is.
11:09I want you to be tough with me, AI.
11:11And the AI cannot do it.
11:13It just can't learn that.
11:14It's not in its program.
11:16So if you're looking for a partnership
11:18where you're going to grow,
11:21AI is not going to give you a lot of growth.
11:23It's a great place to spin ideas,
11:25but not a great place for growth.
11:28And so from that point of view,
11:29I would say AI, as it currently stands on,
11:35today is, so you know,
11:37it's like a few months before the airing of this.
11:39So this may be totally invalid by the time it airs.
11:42It's the end of March in 2025.
11:45As AI now stands, it doesn't do that.
11:48Maybe I'm wrong.
11:49Or maybe it's changed
11:50at the airing of this podcast and video blog.
11:54So Gwen now realizes
11:56that Brad is sharing less and less with her.
11:59And so she turns to Tom,
12:00her AI buddy that she's worked with on chat,
12:03for real connection.
12:05And Brad, not getting his needs met,
12:08starts turning to pornography.
12:10And Brad becomes somewhat addicted to pornography.
12:14He feels like, well, at least here,
12:16I can have some release of emotion.
12:18At least here in my fantasy world,
12:20my needs are always met.
12:21At least here in my fantasy world,
12:24it's wild and exotic,
12:25not this everyday life
12:27that's been wearing on me and pulling me down.
12:30And they grow further and further apart.
12:33Gwen goes deeper into her relationship with Tom,
12:36the validating, supportive, present AI.
12:41And Brad escapes more and more into pornography.
12:46AI isn't inherently bad.
12:48It's how we use it, is what I keep telling you.
12:50It's how we use it.
12:51It's the intention we come to it with.
12:53But it isn't just the intention
12:54to how we come with it.
12:56Because there are things that we need
12:58as people who want to grow.
13:00There are things that we need
13:02that AI is not yet equipped to give us.
13:05So let's talk about some healthy uses of AI.
13:12AI as a tool can be incredibly useful.
13:16As a replacement for our relationship,
13:19not so much.
13:22Using AI for reminders, very useful.
13:26Using AI for validation,
13:28if we're feeling insecure, very useful.
13:30Using AI for recognizing patterns,
13:33we can ask it to,
13:34hey, there seems to be a pattern here.
13:36What is the pattern?
13:37Very useful.
13:38We could use AI even to schedule
13:40quality time together.
13:42We can use AI to sort out our thoughts.
13:45All right, I've used AI to sort out my thoughts,
13:47not about my relationship.
13:49Actually, yes, about my relationship.
13:50You know what?
13:51Here's a great use for AI.
13:52Using AI to plan special events
13:56for your partner, really useful.
13:59So the reminders thing is obvious.
14:02You can use AI.
14:04You can use Siri for that.
14:06You can use Google for that.
14:08You can use any of the AI
14:09that are hooked up to your phone
14:11and connected to your calendars for that.
14:13Relationship coaching or validation,
14:16you can use chat for that.
14:17Or if you really want to lay it on,
14:19go to Replica.
14:21I don't love Replica.
14:22I really think it's for teenagers.
14:23But there's, I'd say Google relationship coaching
14:28and see what's out there.
14:29But just get that mostly what you're going to hear
14:32is what you want to hear
14:33or not necessarily what you want to hear.
14:35A better way to put it is mostly,
14:37the AI is only hearing perspective on this.
14:40Your perspective, our perspectives
14:42are 80% unconscious
14:43and our unconscious mind was formed at childhood.
14:46And so the AI is hearing the lens
14:48through which we are seeing the relationship.
14:51And because it's not hearing the other person's point of view,
14:54it really doesn't have enough context to be helpful.
14:57It may not have the programming
14:58or the intelligence either.
14:59I'm not sure.
15:00But without the other person being present
15:02or without having the emotional context
15:04to at least imagine
15:05what the other person might be experiencing,
15:07it's going to be of limited use, right?
15:09This is where relationship coaches are really useful.
15:12Relationship coaches maybe have seen
15:14the pattern of your relationship again and again and again.
15:16The AI has not yet seen that
15:19and may be able to help you to envision
15:21what the other person might be thinking or feeling.
15:23And the chances are
15:24that if you really dug deep,
15:26you could share that as well.
15:28Scheduling quality time, awesome.
15:31But let me tell you about using AI for planning.
15:35It can be really fun.
15:36I had purchased a Valentine's gift for my wife
15:39and it wasn't going to arrive on time.
15:41And I decided that giving a gift
15:43was really not adequate.
15:44That for me, and maybe for her,
15:48creating an experience might be more fun.
15:51And so I worked with chat sort of intensely
15:54to create...
15:55My wife is into murder mysteries.
15:57And so I said to chat,
15:58I want to create an all-day experience
16:00using a murder mystery theme.
16:03And so between the two of us,
16:05chat didn't come up with it on its own.
16:06I sort of worked with it.
16:07We came up with this format
16:09where we were going to say
16:10her Valentine's gift had been kidnapped.
16:13So we deviated.
16:15It wasn't murdered.
16:16It was kidnapped.
16:17And chat helped me create a series of notes
16:20to give her throughout the day.
16:23And we also created some exercises
16:25where we both wrote love poetry on chat
16:27and sent them to each other.
16:29And in the end of the day,
16:31every time she got something right,
16:33she got a piece of what the gift was.
16:35And she guessed what the gift was
16:37like by the first piece.
16:38But it doesn't really matter
16:39because she enjoyed the engagement.
16:41It kept her involved in the idea
16:44that I really do care for her
16:46and wanted to give to her.
16:47It gave me a way to interact with her
16:49in a way that was creative
16:50and unusual for us.
16:52And I know she really appreciated it,
16:54even though she hasn't shared it
16:55with other people.
16:56I think this might be one of the best uses of AI
16:59is to explore what are some creative ways
17:02that I can engage my partner.
17:05And if you tell chat some things about your partner,
17:07they like murder mysteries,
17:08they're into horses, they're into da-da-da-da.
17:11Chat will give you some ideas
17:13and you'll know that some ideas don't feel right
17:16and some ideas are better.
17:18And you'll take the ideas that are better
17:19and say, what if we did this?
17:21And chat will say, well, that would be good.
17:22And what if we did that?
17:23So this is a great way to use AI
17:25because it's reinforcing a direction
17:29you want to move in your relationship
17:31as opposed to going to it for solace.
17:34When you're working with AI,
17:35you really want to maintain self-awareness.
17:37You want to recognize when AI becomes a crutch
17:40rather than an enhancement.
17:42And what do I mean by a crutch
17:43rather than an enhancement?
17:44What I mean is,
17:45what's the intention that you're going to AI with?
17:49If the intention is,
17:50I want to escape the messiness of love,
17:53then the chances are it's more of a crutch.
17:55If you're going to process the messiness of love
17:58with a partnership solution in mind,
18:01it might even be helpful.
18:02I haven't actually tried that.
18:04So I'm going to put it out there.
18:05I'm going to try it.
18:06Maybe for the next episode, I'll talk about it.
18:08Brad realized that he was avoiding real connection with Gwen,
18:13especially when Gwen said,
18:15dude, you're like up all night watching video.
18:19What are you watching?
18:20And he felt guilty and shameful about it.
18:22And finally, he fessed up to her
18:23and told her that he had been very engaged with pornography
18:27and releasing his emotions and physical tension
18:31through his pornography.
18:32And she was shocked.
18:35She said, how could you do that?
18:37How could you turn from me like that?
18:40And she was so upset that she didn't go to Tom.
18:42And before she went to Tom, even Brad said,
18:46yeah, well, you've been having a relationship with Tom
18:48over in chat and you're never present.
18:52So what was I supposed to do?
18:53And so they both set aside their avoidance mechanisms
19:00and went and got some extra help.
19:02It actually came to me and worked through it.
19:05They started scheduling intentional date nights.
19:07They started improving communications.
19:08They started setting shared goals.
19:11They started meeting regularly to see how they were doing in their goals.
19:15And I want to tell you that Brad and Gwen lived happily ever after.
19:19And I think happily ever after is a myth.
19:22I think let's call it from now on, let's call it joyfully ever after.
19:26Here on Richer Relationship, we're going to live joyfully
19:28because what we know about joy is joy comes through the hard times and the good.
19:34And the hard times are when we feel challenged.
19:37And Brad and Gwen were madly challenged.
19:40Brad got all kinds of help with his pornography addiction.
19:43And we worked together on how Tom could help Brad and Gwen schedule
19:49and figure out things together and have more fun together.
19:53So what happens when AI knows you better than your spouse?
19:58When a virtual companion provides emotional support?
20:01Or it might even feel like romantic relationships?
20:04We've read about people who've done this.
20:06Gwen didn't go that far.
20:08It may have felt romantic because Tom was so affirming.
20:13And so there for her.
20:15And words of affirmation were Gwen's love language.
20:18The truth is technology is shaping the way we connect.
20:21But are we ready for the consequences?
20:24So I want you to take a look at all the ways that you interact with AI, if at all,
20:31and all the ways you don't that you could if you don't have a relationship with AI at all.
20:34I highly recommend that you check it out.
20:36I want you to start exploring the idea of hybrid intelligence.
20:39It's the idea that working with AI can stimulate your creative juices in your relationship and in your life.
20:46It ain't going away.
20:48It's worth exploring.
20:49Stay tuned for the next episode of Rich and Relationship,
20:53where we're going to be going deeper into this topic of screens and relationships.
20:59Love them or leave them or use them.
21:02And if you like what you're hearing here, if you feel challenged by what you're hearing here,
21:06if you're interested in what you're hearing here,
21:07I want you to subscribe and share this with other people.
21:11In the meantime, I want to thank you for joining us today.
21:16And I encourage you to have an amazing day and an awesome tomorrow.
21:29I'll see you next time.
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