Why Smart Women Keep Choosing the Wrong Men

Dovey Hearts

In this video, we delve into the psychology behind why you might be attracted to partners who are inconsistent and cause anxiety. Discover how trauma chemistry and cultural stories about love can mislead your brain and nervous system, making you mistake stress for passion and uncertainty for desire. Learn the three critical steps to change this pattern: reprogram your body to recognize peace as love, judge partners by their treatment rather than excitement, and heal your relationship with yourself. Break free from toxic cycles and start demanding real love. Comment, 'I choose differently,' if you are ready for a healthier love life.  00:00 Understanding Your Brain's Wiring in Relationships 00:32 The Role of Trauma Chemistry in Love 01:23 Attachment Wounds and Cultural Programming 02:03 Recognizing Real Love vs. Intensity 02:27 Reflecting on Past Relationships 03:00 Steps to Break the Cycle 04:09 Healing and Self-Love 04:39 Empowerment and Moving Forward  FOLLOW US: Subscribe: https://youtube.com/@doveyhearts?sub_confirmation=1 Instagram: https://instagram.com/thedoveyhearts Facebook: https://facebook.com/thedoveyhearts Whatsapp: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VbAuojtFy7287xDWQx0O Rumble: https://shorturl.at/c22FC Daily Motion: https://www.dailymotion.com/doveyhearts Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/doveyhearts/?etsrc=sdt  For any enquirers, contact us: wajutope@gmail.com

Transcript

00:00You are not broken, but your brain is wired right now to crave the man most likely to hurt you.

00:06Every time he disappears, then he appears at 12am to say,

00:11Hey, your nervous system lights up like a slot machine.

00:15Dysamine, adrenaline, anxiety is the same as gambling or drugs.

00:21But the man who texts you, good morning, the one who shows up,

00:26respect your boundaries and doesn't play games.

00:29Your brain whispers, it's nice, but I'm not just feeling it.

00:34This is not about two peaks.

00:35This is about trauma, chemistry, and the stories you were told about love.

00:42These stories are quietly destroying your ability to experience the real thing.

00:48When we say someone gives us butterflies,

00:51we are often describing a cocktail of dopamine, cortisol, and noreferifal.

00:56That's not love.

00:58That's a stress response.

01:00And guess what triggers its strongest?

01:03Inconsistency.

01:04Mixed signals.

01:06Hot and cold behavior.

01:08Your brain mistakes uncertainty for passion.

01:12The more unavailable it is, the more your system lights up.

01:17The safer it, the calmer.

01:18Your nervous system labels him as boring.

01:22Not because he is boring, but because your body doesn't recognize peace as love.

01:29Let's discuss the attachment wound.

01:31This runs deep around love that felt inconsistent, sometimes safe, sometimes not.

01:39Your body learned love is equal to anxiety.

01:43So now, when someone kills you anxiety, your inner child will say,

01:49this feels like home.

01:51But when someone offers consistency, your body panics and you lose attraction.

01:58Not because they were wrong, but because they don't feel familiar.

02:02Cultural programming, Hollywood, Disney, romance novels,

02:06They are all sold to host consistency, where love is chaos.

02:12But true love teaches us that love is calm, especially in the culture where the lowest divorce rates is prevalent.

02:21They teach us love is calm, predictable, and gentle.

02:25Not boring, but secure.

02:28Real love feels like peace, not like war.

02:31Once you stop mistaking intensity for intimacy, everything changes.

02:37Let's get real.

02:38Think back to your last relationship.

02:41Did you feel most alive during the peaceful moment or the argument?

02:45Were you most attracted when he leaned in or when he pulled away?

02:50Did you feel loved or did you feel high?

02:54Be honest.

02:54You weren't addicted to him.

02:56You were addicted to the uncertainty.

02:59That wasn't chemistry.

03:00That was a survival response.

03:04Comments.

03:04I see it now.

03:05This resonates with you.

03:08Because awareness is the first step out of this cycle.

03:13Let's discuss the three steps to change this cycle.

03:18One, you can't attract, save love until your body stops confusing anxiety with excitement.

03:25If your heart raises around someone who is hot and cold, that's not your soulmate.

03:31That's your nervous system in the survival mode.

03:35You have spent so long in emotional chaos that peace feels unnatural.

03:40It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

03:43Don't let every text hijack your emotion.

03:46You are not healing just to be someone's partner.

03:50You are healing to stop mistaking pain for passion.

03:53And finally, recognize peace as love.

03:57Stop judging men by how much they make your heart race.

04:00Start judging them by how they treat you, even when it doesn't benefit them.

04:05Ask yourself, does he take responsibility?

04:09Does he make you feel safe or small?

04:12Does he respect your know, your silence, and your time?

04:16Stop chasing butterflies.

04:18Start looking for solid ground.

04:20Butterflies can be trauma.

04:22Peace can be passion.

04:24Three, heal the relationship with you.

04:27You are the only one constant.

04:29In every relationship you have had, until you do the hina walk, you will keep choosing people who mirror your wounds.

04:36So, give yourself the love that you keep chasing.

04:40Set boundaries, even when it terrifies you.

04:44Choose yourself in places you once begged to be chosen.

04:49The love you give to yourself sets the tone for the love you allow from others.

04:54If you are done loving men who don't love you back, comment below.

04:58I choose differently.

05:00Say it loud now.

05:01Type it below.

05:03And if this message makes you think of someone, send it to her.

05:07Don't let her think that she's broken.

05:10Show her that she's just following a pattern.

05:13The woman who begged for breadcrumbs.

05:15And the woman who demands full feasts.

05:18Same woman, different self-worth.

05:21You don't need to become someone else to find real love.

05:25You need to stop accepting love that isn't real.

05:30Start today.

05:31Make that decision.

05:33And don't look back.

05:34See you in the next video.

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