- hace 5 meses
KAOS scientist Dr. Madre (Alan Oppenheimer) passes information on the location of the Melnick uranium mine to Max, in the form of a "drinkable map". Max must stay upright for the next 48 hours, or else the map will not break out properly as a rash on his chest. Unfortunately, Max's marriage and honeymoon with 99 are planned for those 48 hours. Will Max and 99 manage to get married, despite all of Max's difficulties? The title is a play on the Brothers Grimm's fairy tales: "Cinderella" and "Snow White."
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01:00Dr. Madre?
01:06No.
01:07Then why did you give me all those signals?
01:09I was going to ask you the same thing.
01:13Maxwell Smart?
01:14Yes.
01:15I'm Dr. Madre.
01:17Sit down.
01:20I had to be careful of chaos.
01:22I understand, Doctor.
01:23I've been working on an experiment.
01:26Alone, isolated.
01:28Well, I don't know how long.
01:30I've lost track of time.
01:31Three, it might even be four years.
01:36I think that man at the bar is after me.
01:44That's a woman.
01:45Then it's been four years.
01:47Listen, Dr. Madre.
01:49Haven't you been working for chaos for the past five years?
01:52Chaos?
01:53And Orbex.
01:54Orbex?
01:55Well, during the Christmas rush, I like to pick up a little extra money.
01:59I rap well.
02:01I took the liberty of ordering for you.
02:03Would you like to see dinner menu?
02:05That won't be necessary.
02:06Just bring me the plate of spaghetti.
02:08One spaghetti dinner.
02:11Now, Dr. Madre, when you called me, you told me you had something very important to give me.
02:20Something invaluable.
02:22Yes.
02:22The map showing the exact location of the Melnick uranium mine.
02:27The Melnick uranium mines?
02:30But chaos has been after that map for the past five years.
02:33I intercepted it before it got to chaos.
02:35You have it.
02:36You have it.
02:37I have it.
02:37You just drank it.
02:39Of course.
02:40I just drank the map.
02:41I just drank the map.
02:44That's the experiment I've been working on.
02:46I've developed a process which turns paper into a liquid solution.
02:51I slipped that solution into your drink.
02:54Stand up, Mr. Smart.
02:56If you don't mind, Doctor, I'd just as soon sit.
02:58If you want that map to appear, stand up.
03:01In 48 hours, a rash will break out on your chest.
03:07That rash will be in the form of a map.
03:10The map of the Melnick uranium mine.
03:13Why, that's fantastic.
03:15Tell me that.
03:16Don't sit.
03:16Don't sit.
03:17The body must remain vertical for the next 48 hours,
03:20or the change in circulation will prevent the map from appearing.
03:27Eat your food so we don't look conspicuous.
03:31You will encounter certain symptoms.
03:34First, you will itch.
03:37Then the itch will turn into a twitch.
03:41But whether you itch or twitch, never, never scratches.
03:45Why not?
03:45Doesn't look nice.
03:46Doesn't look nice.
03:47Besides, it'll erase the map.
03:50Wait a minute, Doctor.
03:51This is impossible.
03:52I'm getting married tomorrow, and I'm going on my honeymoon tomorrow night.
03:55Well, you'll just have to postpone the wedding.
03:58Yes, well, okay, I can postpone the wedding.
04:01But what about my honeymoon?
04:02Have your honeymoon in a place where you have to stand up.
04:05Museum.
04:06A museum?
04:07Now, what kind of a girl would want to go on a honeymoon in a museum?
04:12Doesn't she like art?
04:14Yes, but not that much.
04:15Dr. Madre?
04:24Dr. Madre?
04:25Dr. Madre?
04:25All right.
04:55All right.
05:25Hello, Max. How do you feel on the night before your wedding? A little nervous?
05:45Hi, Chief. How are you, Admiral?
05:47Chief, I have to talk to you right away about a very important case.
05:49I'm fine, thank you. I'm very flattered that you've chosen me to be best man at your wedding, Maxwell. Here's a little check for your wedding gift.
06:02Oh, thank you.
06:03Oh. Well, as long as I'm up, I might as well be on my way.
06:11Well, got to run.
06:19Now, Max, what's on your mind?
06:21Well, Chief, I didn't want to say this in front of the Admiral, but I'm going to have to postpone my wedding for 48 hours.
06:27What? Why?
06:28Because by that time, my rash will have cleared up.
06:31Oh, I see. Nerves. Well, let's talk about it, Max. Sit down.
06:34I can't sit down, Chief. It'll ruin my rash.
06:36Now, Max, it's perfectly normal for a man to get cold feet and have second thoughts on the eve of his marriage.
06:4299 is a great girl. Believe me, you're not making a mistake.
06:45Look, Chief, all I want to do is to postpone my wedding for 48 hours, and I'm asking you to tell 99 that I'm on a very important mission.
06:53Max, I can't lie to 99.
06:55But I'm not asking you to lie to 99. I really am on an important mission.
06:59Well, that's impossible, Max. I didn't send you on a mission.
07:01No, but Dr. Madre did.
07:03Dr. Madre, the chaos scientist? Max, you're not making any sense.
07:07All right, Chief, you want me to make sense? How's this for sense?
07:09The exact location of the Melnick uranium mines.
07:13How'd you get it?
07:13You just drank it.
07:15I drank it.
07:16You drank it?
07:17Yes, I drank the drug, Chief, but I thought it was wine.
07:20Look, I know you're confused. Let me try and explain it to you.
07:23You see, in a little while, I'm going to start to itch, and then I'm going to start to twitch.
07:28And in 48 hours, I'm going to break out in a map. Now, do you understand?
07:32Perfectly. And now I'm going to tell you something that I hope you'll understand.
07:36You're crazy! Crazy with fear about getting married.
07:39Now, let me tell you something. If you don't want to go through with your marriage,
07:42then you have the decency to go to 99 and tell her to her face.
07:45Max, if you don't want to marry me, just say so, but don't expect me to believe a ridiculous story like that.
07:50But 99, I do want to marry you. What can I say to make you believe me?
07:55Oh.
07:55Who is it?
07:58It's me!
08:00Max, that's my mother!
08:02I know it.
08:04Is she moving in with us already? We're not even married yet.
08:07She's just coming to help me redecorate the apartment.
08:13Hi!
08:13Hi, Mom!
08:15I'm sorry I was so long. I had to go through every bit of my luggage, but I knew I'd brought it with me.
08:19Oh!
08:21Oh!
08:23Well, I'm sure we'll find some place for it.
08:25Yes, how about Niagara Falls?
08:28Uh, Mother, would you like to make us some coffee? The kitchen's right back there.
08:31Certainly, darling.
08:32Oh.
08:34Oh, dear.
08:3799, it's very dangerous having your mother here in my apartment.
08:40She's liable to activate by accident one of my protective devices.
08:43Max, that isn't...
08:43But how am I going to explain it to her, 99?
08:45Max...
08:46After all, she thinks I'm in the greeting card business.
08:48Max, you don't have to worry about it. I rewired the devices myself.
08:52Oh, no.
08:54Max, what is it?
08:55It's a twitch. It's a twitch. The map is coming out, 99. I told you, but you wouldn't believe me.
08:58Oh, Max, you're just nervous about getting married tomorrow. Come on. I'll make you a drink.
09:02You can sit down and relax.
09:0499, I'm not allowed to sit down.
09:06Oh, you don't have to worry about sitting on the bar stool, Max. That won't activate the net.
09:10Now it's only activated when you...
09:12Lean on the bar.
09:15Coffee will be ready in a minute.
09:16Well, don't you look nice.
09:20Going to do a little fishing on your honeymoon?
09:2499, I'm not taking another step until I find out something.
09:27Did you fool around with the invisible wall?
09:29Oh, no, that wasn't necessary, Max. It doesn't work.
09:32What do you mean it doesn't work? It worked this morning.
09:34I'll show you.
09:34I don't understand that.
09:41Listen, 99, I'm asking you. I'm begging you. I'm pleading you for the last time. Please, let me postpone the wedding for 48 hours.
09:47No, Max, it is absolutely out of the question. All of the preparations have been made. If we postpone it now, what are people going to think?
09:53I don't care what people are going to think.
09:55No, Max, if you don't go through with it tomorrow, just forget the whole thing.
09:58All right, 99. We'll go through with it tomorrow.
10:01Oh, Max, my mother. I'll bet she's heard the whole thing. What's she going to think?
10:05No, she probably didn't hear anything.
10:07You don't know my mother. She has a way of listening at doors.
10:09She wouldn't do that.
10:10Your coffee's ready, bum.
10:16Mother, I'm sorry we don't have time to drink it. We weren't watching the time. We've got to go.
10:20I'll get your coat.
10:30How did you do that?
10:32Do what?
10:36Coming!
10:40Dr. Madre!
10:52I know you're surprised to see me, Smart.
10:55Get in there.
10:57They know about the map, Smart.
10:59What could I do?
11:00They threatened me? They tortured me?
11:03They even shoved me around?
11:05What did you tell them?
11:06I told them, you don't shove around a doctor.
11:09We know all we need to know.
11:11Jacoby, you fool, you tie his hands.
11:13He cannot scratch the rash.
11:15All right, gentlemen.
11:17There's just two questions that I'd like to ask.
11:20First,
11:21if you're so clever,
11:22how come you walked into this trap?
11:23What trap?
11:24We are holding the guns.
11:27That was my second question.
11:29We're going to remain standing, Smart,
11:31for 48 hours
11:32until we get that map from your chest.
11:34and to make sure
11:35you don't lie down.
11:42Now, wait a minute.
11:43I can't hang here for 48 hours.
11:45I'm getting married
11:45at 11 o'clock in the morning.
11:47I'm afraid you're going to have to
11:48miss your wedding, Mr. Smart.
11:50But you won't miss your funeral
11:52because once we get that map,
11:54we're going to dispose of you.
11:56And just how do you propose to do that?
11:58Simple.
11:59You're going to write a suicide note
12:01and then you're going to jump off
12:02the top of the Washington Monument.
12:05It'll never work.
12:08But it's certainly worth a try.
12:20What time is it now, Doctor?
12:22It's, uh...
12:2410.30.
12:2510.30?
12:26The wedding is in a half hour.
12:2799 is going to think I deserted her.
12:29He's not going to show up.
12:30He doesn't want to marry me.
12:31Don't say that, 99.
12:33He'll be here.
12:33He must have stopped off
12:34with something on the way.
12:35Of course, darling.
12:36He probably stopped off
12:38at a bar for a drink.
12:39At 10.30 in the morning?
12:40Bums drink at any hour.
12:43I just remembered.
12:44Admiral Hargrave was supposed
12:45to stop by Max's apartment
12:46to pick him up.
12:47We've got to get out of here.
12:50Another twitch?
12:52Another twitch, Coleman.
12:53They're starting to come
12:5415 minutes apart.
12:55He's not having a baby.
12:57He's having a map.
12:58If you fall, you come
12:59and see what's going on
13:00with the chest here.
13:02Look, look, look.
13:04The map is starting to appear.
13:06Here's a river.
13:07And here's a lake.
13:09And here's a forest.
13:10That's not a forest.
13:12That's hair on my chest.
13:14No, I think it's a forest.
13:16And I'm telling you
13:17it's hair on my chest.
13:19You're right.
13:21But this is a mountain.
13:23That's a mole.
13:25Well, it looks like
13:26a mountain to me.
13:28I said it's a mole.
13:29Stop trying to make a mountain
13:30out of a mole.
13:31Oh.
13:36Who's that?
13:37It's probably my best man.
13:39He's coming to pick me up
13:40for the wedding.
13:41It's me, Maxwell, Admiral.
13:44Oh, John.
13:46You'd better let him in.
13:47I know it as well
13:48as my own name.
13:50Stand right there
13:51and don't move.
13:52Oh.
13:53All right.
13:55What do I do with him?
13:57Watch him very closely.
14:02Do you have a match here?
14:04Uh, matches.
14:05Uh, let's see.
14:06Oh.
14:07Here you go.
14:07Lighter.
14:09Thank you very much, Mar.
14:12It's my pleasure.
14:17All right, Jacoby, drop it.
14:19Drop it.
14:19All right, both of you
14:20move out of the way.
14:22All right.
14:24Into the closet.
14:28Just as I thought.
14:30There's room for both of you.
14:31Uh, would you mind
14:39handing me my wedding suit?
14:41It's the blue one
14:41with the blue shirt on top.
14:43Thank you very much.
14:47What's that?
14:49My car is being fixed,
14:50so they gave me a loaner.
14:51Wait a minute.
14:52I'm not allowed to sit down.
14:53I'm afraid you'll have to drive, doctor.
14:54I don't drive.
14:55Well, how about you, Admiral?
14:56Of course.
14:57Just hand me the reins.
15:17All right, doctor.
15:17Now we're going to have to turn
15:18to get out of here.
15:19Do you know how to turn?
15:20Well, of course I know how to turn.
15:22I've been doing it for years.
15:23Not you, the car.
15:26I even turned the other way.
15:30Will you get out of here?
15:32Put it in first.
15:50He's not coming.
15:51He's not coming.
15:54He's not coming.
15:56Let's give him a few more minutes, 99.
15:58I'm sure there must be
15:59some explanation for all this.
16:00Watch it!
16:01Slow down!
16:02Faster!
16:03Faster!
16:13Stop weaving, doctor!
16:14The guests are starting
16:15to ask questions.
16:16Have they all arrived?
16:17Everyone except the bum.
16:19Well, Keith,
16:20I guess you better go downstairs
16:21and tell them that the wedding is off.
16:23Let's give the bum
16:24another few minutes.
16:25I mean, Max!
16:26Keep your eyes on the road!
16:34Can't you drive any faster?
16:36Stop going as fast as I can!
16:47He's not coming.
16:48No, it's getting late.
16:50I think we ought to start.
16:51We can't, Geronimo.
16:52The groom hasn't arrived yet.
16:53He's not so sharp!
17:03He's not coming.
17:09Well, I hope he gets here soon.
17:12I'm due in divorce court in an hour.
17:15It's ironic.
17:16You perform a wedding
17:16and an hour lady
17:17are presiding over a divorce.
17:19Who's presiding?
17:20I'm getting one.
17:29Smart?
17:29What?
17:30How tall are you?
17:325'11".
17:33Eh, 5'11".
17:35That's about 100 yards from here
17:36that I just needed to get you.
17:37Smart?
17:38Huh?
17:38You'd better duck.
17:40What?
17:42Never mind.
17:45How could he do a thing like this
17:50to a wonderful girl
17:51like my daughter?
17:52I guess he let the fear
17:53of getting married
17:53exaggerate to the point
17:54where he just
17:55couldn't go through with it.
17:56You really think that?
17:58I know the feeling.
17:59I had it once myself.
18:00That's why I never married.
18:01Well, I still say that...
18:03Oh, you're not married?
18:06How nice.
18:08Well, there's no use
18:13to laying it.
18:13I'd better inform the guests
18:15that the wedding's off.
18:17Oh, look!
18:21Oh, thank heavens.
18:22He made it.
18:24Come on, Admiral.
18:25We're going to be late
18:26for the wedding.
18:28You can start now.
18:33Gosh, where have you been?
18:34What happened?
18:35I don't have time
18:36to explain now, Chief.
18:37Oh, hurry!
18:40The map is breaking out.
18:42We must get the ceremony
18:43underway.
18:44The map?
18:44You mean what he told me
18:45was true?
18:46Well, of course.
18:47That's why we're late.
18:48We were detained by chaos.
18:52Sit over there, Mother.
18:55Admiral, you better come over here.
18:59Hold it!
19:00Well, are we ready
19:03to start now?
19:07I was just asking.
19:11Pull my coat out of all.
19:12All right.
19:17No, no, Spock.
19:18The map!
19:18The map!
19:18You mustn't fly down!
19:21You tell him, Chief.
19:22He won't listen to me.
19:23Don't hurt it.
19:27It's between his family
19:28and her family.
19:32But, honey.
19:33Shut up.
19:33I want to help.
19:34If you want to help,
19:35shut up.
19:40If this is the ceremony,
19:42I ain't staying
19:42for the reception.
19:43let's join.
19:56Hey!
20:00Hey!
20:00Hey!
20:04Hey!
20:11Hey!
20:11Hey!
20:11Hey!
21:13And do you, Maxwell, take this woman as your lawful wedded wife to love, honor, and cherish so long as you both shall live?
21:23I do. I do.
21:26Do you have the ring?
21:27Huh? Yeah. The ring.
21:29Put it in your right hand, please, and place it on the bride's finger.
21:38Under and by virtue of the judge of district court of the District of Columbia, I pronounce you man and wife.
21:57Oh, Max, I hope you forgive me for not believing you about the rash in the map.
22:14Forget it, 99. I guess it did sound pretty ridiculous at the time.
22:18It's getting pretty late.
22:20Huh? Oh, yes.
22:24You know, 99, you have the prettiest shoulders.
22:27Oh, well, you've seen them before, Max.
22:29Yes, but never without a holster.
22:31Well, we really should be going to bed, Max.
22:35Mm-hmm.
22:37Mm-hmm.
22:39Mm-hmm.
22:40Mm-hmm.
22:55Mm-hmm.
22:56I'm sorry to have to do this to you on your wedding night, Max, but until that map on your chest appears, I've got to keep you on a heavy guard.
23:11I'm sorry.
23:12You're sorry.
23:14Well, let's get some sleep.
23:16Clarabee, Henderson.
23:26Put him up.
23:35Good night, Max.
23:36Good night, Larabee.
23:37Good night, Henderson.
23:40Good night, Chief.
23:41Good night.
23:43Good night.
23:45Good night.
23:56Good night.
24:21Good night.
24:22Good night.
24:23Good night.
24:25¶¶
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