- hace 6 meses
Max has to protect Admiral Hargrade from the evil Chameleon, whose ability to disguise himself is legendary. The Chief orders Max to select the Admiral to be his best man at the wedding so that Max will have a cover to keep an eye on the Admiral at all times. Since no one knows what the Chameleon looks like, paranoia runs rampant at the Smart domicile — even "Mr. Bob" (Jack Cassidy), the interior decorator for the apartment, is mistaken for the wily master of disguise. The title of the episode references Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner".
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00:00Who wrote
00:29Little women
00:30Lonely little men
00:31Who do you love
00:32I want to be loved by you
00:34Just you
00:35And nobody else but you
00:36I want to be loved by you
00:38You-oo-oo
00:39Boo-boo-bee-doo
00:40Good morning, Chief
00:42Good morning, Max
00:43I'll certainly be glad
00:44When the security alert is over
00:45I'll spend half my time
00:47Learning new passwords
00:48And countersigns
00:49Chief, do we really have
00:50To be that careful
00:51Just because the chameleon
00:52Is back in circulation?
00:53Max, the chameleon
00:54Is the most insidious agent
00:55Chaos has
00:56Remember, he can make himself
00:58Look and sound like
00:59Anybody in the world
01:00Yeah, he's really terrific
01:01He can even do Frank Gorshin
01:02But surely he can't
01:04Penetrate the security of control
01:05Well, he's done it once before
01:07He disguised himself
01:08As one of our men
01:09And crashed the Christmas party
01:10The worst part is
01:11He made a total fool of himself
01:12Well, what's so bad about that?
01:14He was disguised as me
01:15Chief, did you want to
01:17Talk to me about something?
01:19No, I didn't want to
01:19Talk to you about something
01:20I was only impression
01:21You wanted to talk to me
01:21No, I didn't want to
01:22Talk to you, Chief
01:23Oh, well, I didn't want
01:24To talk to you either
01:25Chief, have you got a minute?
01:29Yes, why?
01:30There's something I want
01:30To talk to you about
01:31You see, Chief
01:34Well, I'm getting married
01:36In a few days
01:36And, well, I was going to
01:38Have Jaime the robot
01:39As my best man
01:40And you sent him
01:41Out of the country
01:41On an assignment
01:42I'm sorry, Max
01:43But this was a very
01:44Special mission
01:44A call for someone
01:45Who was passive
01:46Emotionless
01:47Someone who wouldn't
01:48Show any signs of feeling
01:49It had to be the robot
01:50Couldn't you get Ed Sullivan?
01:52Max, you'll be needing
01:53A best man
01:54And I'd like to recommend
01:56Someone whom everyone
01:57In control holds
01:57In great reverence
01:58And respect
01:59Well, thank you, Chief
02:00But I can't be
02:01My own best man
02:02Not you, Max
02:04I'm referring to
02:05Admiral Hargrade
02:06The former head of control
02:07The old man himself, eh?
02:10Well, I'm very honored, Chief
02:11But, well, gosh
02:13He's 95 years old
02:14Do you think he can do the job?
02:15I said he'd be the best man
02:16Not the groom
02:17Max, I strongly recommend it
02:20How strongly?
02:21It's an order
02:22In that case
02:22I accept the recommendation
02:24Max, this is all
02:25Very hush-hush
02:25The Admiral is arriving
02:27In Washington
02:28For some top-level
02:29Secret conferences
02:30Involving the security
02:31Of our nation
02:31As well as to pitch
02:32In the old-timers
02:33Baseball game
02:34Against the CIA
02:34But we have one problem
02:36The Admiral must be given
02:37Full protection
02:38At all times
02:39Right
02:39We don't want the CIA
02:40To win that ball game
02:41As you know
02:43The Admiral has
02:44Very little concern
02:45For his own personal safety
02:46But as your best man
02:48We could provide him
02:49With full security
02:50Without us even
02:50Being aware of it
02:51Now, he'll stay
02:52At your apartment
02:53And you're to keep
02:53Your eye on him
02:54At all times
02:55Now, Max
02:56I don't have to tell you
02:58How much chaos
02:59Would like to get
02:59The Admiral in their clutches
03:00The Admiral's arriving now
03:07Admiral, for a man
03:16Your age
03:17You're in remarkable shape
03:18I don't know
03:18How you do it
03:19Prunes
03:19Thank you
03:22There he is
03:23Hey, isn't this room
03:25A little smaller
03:26Than it used to be
03:28Max, I'm going to say
03:29Something to the Admiral
03:30Who wrote Little Women?
03:33Louisa May Alcott
03:34Wrong
03:35Max
03:36I danced the Virginia Reel
03:38With Louisa
03:39At a cotillion
03:40Back in 86
03:41She always wore
03:44Essence of lavender
03:45Used to perspire a lot
03:48Would you give me
03:51A little show, please?
03:56Thank you
03:57Chief
04:00Hold it, Larrabee
04:01Who wrote Little Women?
04:02The Book of the Pitches
04:03It was a book?
04:06It was just arrived
04:06For the Admiral
04:07Thanks, Larrabee
04:08Welcome back
04:16Stop
04:17We'll do everything
04:19Within my power
04:20To get you
04:21Stop
04:22Me, if you can
04:24Ordially
04:27The Chameleon
04:29The nerve of that man
04:30To send a wire like that
04:31I'll say he's got nerve
04:32He sent it collect
04:33Gentlemen
04:34These are dangerous times
04:36We must be ever alert
04:39Vigilant
04:40And ready
04:41At a moment's notice
04:43To take
04:44Vigilant
04:57Vigilant
04:58Vigilant
05:30Okay, Admiral, let's whip you a little fastball right in here.
05:58Oh, dear.
06:05Are you all right, Admiral?
06:07Oh, don't worry about me. Just get the door.
06:11Who's there?
06:21It's me, Max.
06:22Who wrote Little Women?
06:24Well, I don't know. Why? Are you doing a crossword puzzle?
06:26If you really are who you're supposed to be, you'd know the password.
06:30Max, this is my day off. I haven't even been down to control headquarters.
06:34A likely story.
06:36All right, Chameleon, step inside and don't make any false moves.
06:40Max, I'm not the Chameleon. I'm 99.
06:42We'll soon see.
06:45What are you going to do?
06:46I'm going to dial 99's home phone number.
06:50If she answers, then I'll know that you're an imposter.
06:54But, Max...
06:56Hello, this is 99.
07:00Thank you, 99.
07:01That's all I wanted to know.
07:06All right, Chameleon.
07:07Are you ready to confess?
07:09Max, that's my voice on my automatic answering device.
07:12Now, you don't really expect me to buy that one, do you?
07:15All right. If you're so convinced I'm the Chameleon, pull the trigger.
07:20You're a clever devil, Chameleon.
07:23Disguising yourself as the one person in the world you know I couldn't harm.
07:26Oh, Max, it's really me.
07:28Well, I certainly hope it's you, 99.
07:37Because if it's not, I just fell in love with the Chameleon.
07:40It is me, Max.
07:42All right. I'll buy that for now.
07:45But I'll find out for sure on Saturday night.
07:47What do you mean?
07:48Well, we're getting married Saturday morning.
07:50And I warn you, if I find out on our wedding night that you're really the Chameleon,
07:55you're paying for half the room.
07:58Max, is that Admiral Hargreave?
08:01Yes. Come on, 99. Give me a hand. Get him on the couch.
08:07What's he doing here?
08:08All right now, he's taking a nap.
08:10You see, 99, Jaime is away on a very important mission.
08:12So the Admiral is going to be my best man.
08:14He's staying here with me until the wedding.
08:16Oh, that's why all the fuss about the password.
08:18That's right.
08:18The Chameleon knows that he's here and he's after him.
08:20And it's my job to protect him.
08:22That's why no one is coming through that door unless they know the password.
08:26Well, what about Mr. Bob?
08:27Mr. Bob who?
08:29Just Mr. Bob, the interior decorator.
08:31He's coming here this afternoon to look at the apartment.
08:33I'm sorry. He can't come in.
08:34But, Max, you said when we decided we'd live here after we got married that I could redecorate this place my way.
08:41Well, if you want to redecorate it your way, then what do you need with Mr. Bob?
08:44Because that's what an interior decorator is for, to help you redecorate your way, his way.
08:49I'm sorry. He can't come in.
08:50Max!
08:51I'm sorry, 99. Make him come back in a couple of weeks.
08:53No, that won't work.
08:54If he doesn't get started right away, it won't be finished by the time we get back from our honeymoon.
09:00Shh. You're waking the Admiral.
09:03Please, Max.
09:06Well, all right.
09:07He can come in, but he's going to get a very close examination.
09:11That must be him now.
09:14I'll see.
09:17Is it him?
09:18I can't tell.
09:20Well, is it a man or a woman?
09:21Well, that's what I can't tell.
09:22That's him.
09:2899, wake up the Admiral. We've got to get him out of sight.
09:30Right, Max.
09:31Come on, Admiral.
09:35Florence Nightingale?
09:36No, Admiral. I'm 99.
09:38Well, you sure don't look at death.
09:41All right, Admiral.
09:43Let's go now.
09:44You'll have to finish your nap someplace else.
09:46We're expecting some company.
09:49Coming.
09:50Right up the stairs, old-timer.
10:01Just a minute.
10:02Okay.
10:02Okay.
10:11Hi.
10:17Hi, Mr. Bob.
10:18Hi, Mr. Max.
10:20I'm afraid, Mr. Bob, before I can allow you to come in here, I'll have to see some form of identification.
10:25I may even have to search you.
10:27Oh.
10:29On second thought, I think identification will be quite enough.
10:32Well, Mr. Max, I can understand why you want to be sure I'm me.
10:37There are so many impostors.
10:38And when you're paying Mr. Bob, you have a right to know you're getting Mr. Bob.
10:43Now, which license would you like to see?
10:45Driving or flying?
10:46Uh, either one.
10:48Here we are.
10:48Are you kidding me?
10:51This picture doesn't look anything like you.
10:53That's my thumbprint.
10:55Oh.
10:58All right, you can come in.
11:02Miss 99?
11:04Well, what do you think?
11:06Hate it, hate it, hate it.
11:11Except, of course, this wonderful old Admiral Lapp.
11:15Does it turn on?
11:18Well, let's see, 15 yards of the boot toile and 6 yards of the purple burlap.
11:22It's going to be the challenge of my career, but I think I can do it.
11:26Have you ever thought about moving?
11:27I'm not so sure I like the idea of a trampoline instead of a bed.
11:31Oh, I have one, Miss 99, and just love it.
11:34Of course, it's difficult to find sheets for it.
11:37Well, ciao.
11:4286, the cheap...
11:43Hold it, hold it, hold it, Larrabee.
11:44Who wrote Little Women?
11:45The play of the TV special.
11:47It was a play?
11:49No time for passwords, Max.
11:50The chief wants to see you and 99 immediately.
11:53What's up, Larrabee?
11:54I don't know.
11:55It's something about the chameleon.
11:56I'll stay here and guard the Admiral.
11:58Now, just a moment, Larrabee.
12:00If the chief wanted to talk to us, why did he send you over here?
12:03Why didn't he call us on the phone?
12:05Well, your line might have been tapped.
12:06That makes sense.
12:08All right, Larrabee.
12:09You can stay here and guard the Admiral.
12:11But don't let anybody in that door for any reason whatsoever.
12:16And most important of all, don't take your eyes off the old man for a minute.
12:20Uh, Max, what is it?
12:22Where is the Admiral?
12:2399.
12:24Wake up, Admiral.
12:27I think I need a haircut.
12:33What do you want to see us about, chief?
12:38What are you two doing here?
12:39You're supposed to be guarding the Admiral.
12:40Yes, but Larrabee came to my apartment and said you wanted to see us here right away, chief.
12:44Didn't you, Larrabee?
12:47Larrabee?
12:48What are you doing here?
12:49I left you at the apartment to guard the Admiral.
12:51No, you didn't, Max.
12:53I didn't?
12:53No.
12:54Then who did we leave at the apartment to guard the Admiral?
12:56The chameleon.
12:57Of course, the chameleon.
12:59The chameleon?
13:01Don't be ridiculous, 99.
13:02I wouldn't leave the Admiral with the chameleon.
13:04Max, don't you understand?
13:06Larrabee was a chameleon.
13:07Come on.
13:11Larrabee, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
13:25Max, we don't know what's going on in there.
13:27Wouldn't you know it?
13:28I left my key inside on the desk.
13:30Well, we've got to get in there.
13:31Larrabee, break the door down.
13:32Hold it, Larrabee.
13:33Don't be ridiculous, chief.
13:34This door is impregnable.
13:36It's built to stand the onslaught of a dozen burly tuffs,
13:39hand grenades, an anti-tank gun, and possibly my landlady.
13:42Well, how are we going to get in there?
13:44Well, there is one way.
13:45I always keep an extra key under the mat.
13:47Admiral!
13:48Is he or isn't he?
14:06Is he or isn't he what?
14:07Alive!
14:08Well, he's still breathing.
14:09Do something, Max.
14:10I'll do anything but mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
14:13Oh!
14:15Help me up, please.
14:18What happened, Admiral?
14:21Well, let me see now.
14:23I was standing here, not doing anything in particular, you understand, just standing,
14:31and suddenly this fellow came bursting through that door and began to attack me.
14:38And then he chased me around the room.
14:45Here's your man!
14:47Oh!
14:49No, that's not right, Admiral.
14:51This is Agent Larrabee.
14:52Oh.
14:53Well, then who attacked me?
14:56That was the chameleon, very cleverly disguised to look like Larrabee.
15:00You see, Admiral, what you thought was Larrabee was not really Larrabee at all,
15:04but merely Larrabee as impersonated by the chameleon.
15:07It takes a very trained eye to discover the real Larrabee from the fake Larrabee.
15:17All right, fella.
15:19Who wrote Little Women?
15:20That's enough, Max.
15:22Admiral, what happened to the chameleon?
15:24Well, he forced me back across the room to a point near the window, right here.
15:31And then he lunged at me.
15:34Oh, thank you.
15:39Well, much as I detest violence,
15:43I had no choice but to dispatch him with a karate chop, like so.
15:51But I...
15:52The last I saw of him, he was going over me and out the window.
16:05There's no sign of him out there.
16:06That awning must have broken his ball.
16:08Come on, Max.
16:09Sir, if you're feeling up to it,
16:11the first of our secret meetings will be held at my office at 1500.
16:15Well, of course, I'll be there, that is.
16:17Now, Max and 99, I want you to stay here and protect the Admiral.
16:20Don't let anybody in here,
16:21even if you're absolutely sure that you know him.
16:23Because if I know the chameleon, he'll be back.
16:26Well, if you know the chameleon, Chief,
16:27why don't you tell us what he looks like?
16:30Max, I don't know what he looks like.
16:31He could look like anybody.
16:32He could even look like you.
16:33All right, handsome.
16:44Who wrote Little Women?
16:48Hurry up, Admiral,
16:49or we'll be late getting down to headquarters.
16:51I'll be right down.
16:56Hold it, 99.
16:58That could be the chameleon.
17:00Max, you're right.
17:01Who is it?
17:04It's me, Mr. Bob.
17:06That's not the chameleon, Max.
17:08Wait a minute, 99.
17:09How do we know it's not the chameleon?
17:10We don't know the chameleon's first name,
17:12and we don't know Mr. Bob's last name.
17:14It could very well be Mr. Bob Chameleon.
17:16You get over there.
17:17I'll cover him.
17:20Oh, hi, Miss 99.
17:22Did I happen to leave my book of suede swatches here?
17:25All right, don't move,
17:28and you won't get hurt.
17:29Okay, 99, rip his face off.
17:31Max, this isn't the chameleon.
17:32This is Mr. Bob.
17:34All right, 99.
17:35If you won't do it, I guess I'll have to.
17:37Max?
17:39All right, fella.
17:40I think we'll start by pulling off your false nose.
17:43Warn you, Mr. Smart,
17:44you touch me and you'll regret it.
17:46Hmm.
17:53Well, 99, do you still think that's Mr. Bob?
17:56Well, I'm not quite sure, Max.
17:57Well, maybe this will convince you.
18:09Wait a minute.
18:1099?
18:14You call that a minute?
18:16You had enough, Pally?
18:18Mr. Bob, what happened to your voice?
18:19Nothing.
18:21It's my real voice.
18:22I had a voice, my professional voice.
18:25Your professional voice?
18:26Sure.
18:27I come in here talking like this?
18:29You gonna let me decorate your apartment?
18:31No, but I might ask you to move it.
18:34Could I have my suede swatches, Miss 99?
18:37Got a lot of work waiting for me back at my boutique.
18:40Thanks, Miss 99.
18:42Well, ciao.
18:44Well, that's it, 99.
18:53The chameleon has got me completely baffled.
18:55I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
18:56I'm beginning to suspect everybody.
18:58I know that, Max, but what can we do about it?
19:00Well, for one thing, I can call the chief
19:02and recommend that he cancel those secret conferences
19:05until we capture the chameleon.
19:07Put down that phone, Mr. Smart.
19:09Max, that's not the admiral's voice.
19:14He must be the chameleon.
19:15Very perceptive, young lady.
19:17How long have you been disguised as the admiral?
19:19After I came in as Larrabee,
19:21I drugged the admiral's prunes.
19:24Then I ransacked the place
19:26to make it look like there'd been a fight.
19:28And I was lying here when you came back.
19:30And now you're going to take the admiral's place
19:32at the conference?
19:33Of course.
19:35The old druggist prunes
19:37faked the fight, ransacked the apartment,
19:40and switched place with the admiral trick.
19:43What did you do with the admiral?
19:45He is now in the custody of one of our agents
19:47heading toward a downtown section of this city
19:49where, in his drug condition,
19:51he will wander the streets as a wino
19:53for the next 12 hours.
19:55Long enough for me to attend that conference
19:56and get the information Chaos wants.
19:58And just how do you propose
20:00stopping us from stopping you?
20:02I'm going to lock the both of you
20:04in that closet right now.
20:05It'll never work.
20:09But it's certainly worth a try.
20:26If only I'd listen to the man
20:27from the telephone company.
20:28He wanted to put an extension in here.
20:30Max, you don't suppose the chameleon
20:32left the key in the door
20:33when he locked us in here?
20:35Now that is the most ridiculous thing
20:37I've ever heard in my life.
20:38Why in the world would the chameleon
20:40want to leave a key in the door?
20:42You could look, Max.
20:43All right, 99.
20:46I can't see anything.
20:47There's something blocking the keyhole.
20:49The key!
20:51I know that, 99.
20:52I knew I should have listened to the man
21:19from the lock company.
21:20He told me to buy a skinnier key.
21:22It's no use, Max.
21:24The meeting's going to begin
21:24in about ten minutes
21:25and without the key
21:26we'll never get out of here in time.
21:28Wait a minute, 99.
21:29We're not licked yet.
21:30I just thought of something.
21:31I always leave a spare key
21:33under the mat.
21:33You have a mat in your closet?
21:35Yes.
21:35Thank heavens I listened to the man
21:36from the mat company.
21:39Now, here's what I want you to do.
21:41When we get out of here
21:42I want you to go downtown
21:43and find the Admiral.
21:44I'm going over to the chief's office
21:45and expose the chameleon.
21:47Well, now that we're all here
21:49we might as well start.
21:50We'll begin with these latest
21:52intelligence reports
21:53on the Middle East.
21:54Hold it, chief.
21:56This man is an imposter.
21:58He's wearing a disguise.
21:59Everything about him is fake.
22:00Fake hair, fake mustache.
22:03Max, what are you doing?
22:04That's the real Admiral.
22:05My men just picked him up on Skid Row.
22:07They did?
22:07Yes.
22:08He was wandering around
22:08trying to get a quarter
22:09for a gallon of muscatel.
22:10I'll drink to that.
22:13I'll trace it in, Max.
22:15That's all right, 99.
22:16They found the real Admiral.
22:17I don't understand it.
22:19Somehow, somewhere along the line
22:20the chameleon must have
22:21changed identities.
22:23Which means, chief,
22:25that someone here in this room
22:26is the chameleon.
22:29All right, I want to see
22:29everybody's identification card.
22:40Where's your identification, 99?
22:45Right here, Mr. Smart.
22:46So you're the chameleon.
22:49That's right.
22:50As I was entering the building
22:51disguised as the Admiral,
22:52I saw the real Admiral
22:53being brought in,
22:54so I quickly switched identities.
22:56And now, gentlemen,
22:57I think I've overstayed
22:58my welcome,
22:59so I'll bid you all farewell.
23:01Till we meet again, Mr. Smart.
23:03Max, get out a Code 4 alert
23:11immediately.
23:12Right, chief.
23:17Hello, security.
23:19This is a Code 4 alert.
23:21I want all airports,
23:22railroad stations,
23:23and bus terminals
23:24covered immediately.
23:26Be on the lookout
23:26for a man with long brown hair,
23:29full sensuous lips,
23:31and lovely blue eyes.
23:32And be careful,
23:33he's got a gun in his purse.
23:35On the other hand,
23:36he could be a tall girl
23:37with a white mustache
23:38and an admiral's uniform.
23:40Or a little boy
23:41in a sailor suit
23:42with a rubber duck.
23:44And try to take him alive.
23:46He may be my fiancé.
23:48Oh, yeah?
23:49Same to you, fella.
24:02That's all.
24:05.
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