- hace 6 meses
In London to help the British section of CONTROL, Max assumes the identity of a safecracker named Scar in order to infiltrate a group of thieves known as the Scorpion Gang who plan to steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London. Cameo by Danny Thomas as a foppish Englishman. This is a parody of Eve Titus's Basil of Baker Street. The title refers to a barber shop song of the same name.
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00:00max max max where are you i'm right over here 99 oh oh max this is creepy i don't think i like
00:16london you're just depressed 99 depressed yes a foggy day in london town has you low and it has
00:22you down still i feel better if i could see yes well our first order is to go to the london
00:28palladium now if we can just find someone who can tell us where it is
00:31i beg your pardon sir but can you tell me how i can get to the london palladium london palladium
00:42certainly now listen carefully you go two blocks to chelsea place then left to amberley lane sharp
00:51right three blocks till you come to a chemist shop then you turn right for two blocks till you come
00:57to leicester square right two blocks more and then it is the palladium have you got that
01:02not all of it oh which part didn't you get the part after now listen carefully
01:08what's the trouble here the gentleman is lost he's looking for the palladium palladium well
01:15that's only two blocks east of scotland yard oh splendid now how do we get to scotland yard
01:20excuse me sir how do you find scotland yard
01:23big woman how do you find scotland yard i'm terribly sorry but we just arrived in the united
01:30states listen i have a flashlight why don't we go and look for it and if we find it we'll send
01:35someone back for you thank you isn't it a lovely evening lovely
01:46max we've got to get organized open the sealed orders right 99
01:51what does it say max dear max and 99 welcome to london that was nice to the chief you want to contact
02:06agent 37 at the london palladium he will have instructions on how you can locate and capture
02:12an american gangster known as the scar although the scar has never been photographed he can be easily
02:18recognized by the ugly four inch scar on his left cheek the ugly one four inch scar on his left cheek
02:2599 like the one on that fellow over there what a coincidence you're looking for me and i'm looking
02:33for you yeah now wait a minute scar can't we talk this over max how did you do that surprised he fell
02:44for it 99 the old gun on the flashlight trick
02:50what's that max green park the boathouse tuesday what could that mean i don't know 99 let's look at
02:58the rest of our orders
03:03after taking care of the scar proceed to the crashing bore pub where the barmaid will direct
03:08you to british control well how do we find the crashing bore pub i don't know 99 but we'll do a lot
03:14better once we get out of this hotel room
03:28uh
03:42uh
03:44uh
04:20How will the barmaid know us, Max?
04:23It's really quite simple, 99. There's a password. Watch.
04:32What'll it be, love?
04:34Never before in the history of human endeavor have so many given so much to show you.
04:45You want to get to British control, eh? Why didn't you say so?
04:50What do you mean, her?
05:03Max, 99, I'd like you to meet my British counterpart, Commander Hathaway.
05:07How'd you do?
05:07How'd you do?
05:08This is my secretary, Miss Van Cleave.
05:10How'd you do?
05:11That'll be all for now, Van Cleave. Please see the wind off the stern.
05:14Very good, sir.
05:15Please be seated.
05:19My sources tell me the scar is no longer with us.
05:22Yes, that's correct. He made the fatal mistake of pulling a gun on the fastest flashlight in London.
05:27You feel up to another assignment, Max.
05:29Are you kidding, Chief? You'll know I'll do anything.
05:32Good. Then you'll replace the scar and infiltrate a gang of criminal cutthroats.
05:36Uh, before we continue, we have a security problem here. Allow me to lower the umbrella of silence.
05:43The umbrella of silence?
05:46England, old boy.
05:53Now, Max.
05:54Now, Max, several years ago, a ring of super thieves called the Scorpion Gang baffled British authorities with their daring and brilliant robberies.
06:06Each member of the gang wore a scorpion's tattoo. Each one was a specialist.
06:10One a cat burglar, one a weapon specialist, one an explosives expert, one a driver, and their leader.
06:16A criminal genius known as the Dutchman.
06:18Three years ago, we finally captured the entire gang and imprisoned them.
06:24Three weeks ago, the Scorpion Gang broke jail, and they're here in London planning some spectacular robbery.
06:30Well, how does the scar tie in with the gang, Chief?
06:33Their explosives expert was killed in the jailbreak.
06:36The scar was brought in to replace him.
06:38He was brought in from the United States, so no one in the gang ever saw him.
06:42And since Max has had demolition experience, he's a logical one to replace the scar and join the gang.
06:47But if you know where the gang is, why don't you just arrest them?
06:52Because we're after Biggerfish.
06:54The one in charge of the entire gang.
06:57The one who controls the Operation X.
07:00And there's only one man who can get X.
07:03Who?
07:03You.
07:03I?
07:04You.
07:05Which means you're elected, Mr. Smart.
07:07It goes without saying that if the gang finds you out, it will surely mean a swift and painful death.
07:13Any questions?
07:14Just one, Commander.
07:15Have you ever considered the advantages of snuff?
07:20The European gang will recognize you by the scar on your left cheek, Max.
07:24But the scar's on my right cheek, Chief.
07:26You're looking in the mirror, Max.
07:31This is the scar's explosives kit.
07:33You're familiar with all this, of course?
07:35Well, yes, but I hope I don't have to use it.
07:37We hope not.
07:39You should meet X before the robbery.
07:41If not, make sure you contact me personally for instructions.
07:46Here's my office number.
07:49Good luck.
07:50Now remember, Max, if you forget who you are for an instant, they'll know you're an imposter and you'll be dead.
07:56Right, Chief.
07:57Come on, Scott.
07:58Come on, Scott.
07:58That's you, Max.
08:01Huh?
08:02That's you.
08:05Right, Chief.
08:09You will meet with the Scorpion gang in the boathouse at Greed Park.
08:13Now, once you join them, your only contact with us will be through 99, and she's in disguise.
08:18I got you, Chief.
08:20Well, don't worry.
08:20I can see through any disguise that 99 might be wearing.
08:23How about you, Chief?
08:24How do you fit into this caper?
08:25I've got my own job, Max.
08:27We think there's a chaos agent in British control, and my secret mission is to ferry him out.
08:31Well, good luck, Chief.
08:33How about a daisy, Governor?
08:35Get lost, lady.
08:37Max, take it.
08:38It's your daisy phone.
08:40That's no lady.
08:41That's 99.
08:43Great disguise, 99.
08:45You really had the Chief going there for a while.
08:47Yeah?
09:05You advertised for a cook?
09:07What is your specialty?
09:09Soup.
09:11You are the scar.
09:13Dutchman?
09:14Ah!
09:15Ah!
09:17You are late, Herr Scar.
09:29I will make the introductions brief.
09:32First, Le Mans, the Frenchman, the most daring driver on the continent, and master of the garotte.
09:44Next, El Gato, daring cat burglar, and alarmed specialist.
09:54A loyal friend, but a formidable foe.
09:58And finally, the dreaded Turk.
10:04Skilled with many weapons, and deadly with them all.
10:07Here is the layout of the job.
10:29Memorize every detail.
10:30Looking for something, Herr Scar?
10:31Well, where I come from, Dutchman, we always have a little drink to celebrate the closing
10:40of a deal.
10:41There is a corkscrew over there.
10:43There is a corkscrew over there.
10:45A corkscrew?
10:47What for?
10:50Well, here's to the job.
10:59By the way, what is the job?
11:01The royal jewels.
11:03Here's to the royal jewels.
11:05We strike tonight.
11:08We strike tonight?
11:09We must all be at our best if X's plan is to work.
11:17Tell me, Dutchman, when do we get to meet Mr. X?
11:20Not until the job is completed.
11:24I see.
11:25So, we don't get to meet X until after the job is over.
11:29By the way, Dutchman, who is X?
11:33Why?
11:35Give me your complete attention.
11:39Operator, operator!
11:41I'm sorry, your number's out of order.
11:49All right, what's the plan?
11:51The time is now exactly 4.30.
11:54In five minutes, we leave by boat, cross the lake to the car.
11:58I drive us to the palace and park outside the chemist shop.
12:01Driving time, 44 minutes and 27 seconds.
12:05Good.
12:075.29.
12:08The palace closes to the public at 5.30.
12:10We give them five minutes to clear the palace and lock the jewels in the vault.
12:14Then move to this spot beneath the jewel room.
12:19I take care of the sentry.
12:21Here.
12:23Correct.
12:23But remember, no, no violence unless necessary.
12:29I have exactly seven minutes to gain entry, breach the alarms, and admit the others before the sentry makes his second round.
12:36Guard positions?
12:38Below.
12:39Above.
12:40Inside.
12:40Which brings us to this.
12:45The vault, Herr Skar.
12:48Considered to be impenetrable several inches of the best British steel.
12:53You have less than 30 minutes before the changing of the guard.
12:57How do you propose to crack the time lock?
13:03With this.
13:07Nitro?
13:07Oh.
13:07You are a cool one, Herr Skar.
13:17Let's get on with it.
13:19It is time.
13:204.35.
13:22Synchronizing now.
13:25Let's go.
13:37Let's go.
13:44Let's go.
13:47Let's go.
13:48All right.
14:00Let's check our watches.
14:035.33.
14:046 at the line.
14:059.45.
14:058.15.
14:06Perfect.
14:07We're right in.
14:072.45.
14:241.45.
14:252.42.
14:271.45.
14:272.45.
14:282.45.
14:292.50.
14:293.8.
14:301.45.
14:31Oh, my God.
15:01Oh, my God.
15:31Oh, my God.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:31Oh, my God.
17:01Oh, my God.
17:31Oh, my God.
18:01Oh, my God.
18:31Oh, my God.
19:01Who?
19:02You know, the fellow who joined the Scorpion Gang, disguised as the Scar.
19:06Now, listen carefully.
19:07We're in the middle of robbing the royal jewels.
19:10I don't know who X is.
19:11The Dutchman is gone, and I can't stall much longer.
19:14What'll I do?
19:15Proceed with the robbery.
19:16We have you under surveillance.
19:17We'll close in, and we'll close in as soon as you rendezvous with the Dutchman and ex.
19:21Right.
19:22The Dutchman, discusses all, of you, Mr.
19:24The Dutchman, what's the other way to do?
19:30Whoo!
19:30What's the other way to do?
19:32Oh, my God.
19:34I saw the young man.
19:35All right.
19:35Let's go.
19:36Drop it.
20:06We're back.
20:20The concussion from the explosion.
20:22Forget it.
20:23Get the jewels.
20:36Get the jewels.
21:06Get the jewels.
21:36So, my old friends El Gato and Le Mans are no more.
21:49Fortunes of war, Dutchman.
21:51Besides, that makes a bigger split for us.
21:53That's right.
21:55I want my share now.
21:56Of course, my friend.
21:58Here is your share.
22:05You can have my share, Dutchman.
22:08I'm sure X would want it that way.
22:11You're wrong, Mr. Smart.
22:13X wants it to...
22:14And now, you, Mr. Smart.
22:21I'll skip my turn.
22:22Chief, how did you know that Van Cleef was X?
22:28We didn't know, Max.
22:30The chief thought she was the chaos agent.
22:31We followed her here.
22:33I see.
22:34Then as X, Van Cleef used her position at control to engineer the jailbreak and plan the robbery.
22:39But as a double agent, she had to kill the Dutchman in order to get the jewels for chaos.
22:44Yes, it's all very simple except for one thing.
22:46What's that?
22:47Why does Commander Hathaway have his arm around Van Cleef?
23:00Mr. Hathaway is the real X.
23:03And the chaos agent, too.
23:05Tut, tut, my love.
23:06Where's your gratitude?
23:07After all, Mr. Smart did bring us these pretty jewels.
23:10Now, if you'll just nip over and relieve them of their guns,
23:14I'll try to get this nasty business over with as quickly as possible.
23:21I have a knife in my back pocket.
23:25No, you don't.
23:27You certainly don't intend to shoot us, Commander.
23:29Oh, but I must, my dear.
23:31To complete the perfect crime.
23:33That way, chaos gets the royal jewels.
23:36I get credit for destroying the Scorpion gang.
23:39My cover remains secure.
23:40And American control gets a black eye for your involvement in the robbery.
23:45Only one question remains.
23:47Who goes first?
23:48You haven't volunteered for anything lately, Chief.
23:53What are you doing?
23:55Just this, 99.
23:56Don't move Hathaway or I'll blow us all the kingdom come.
23:59You wouldn't dare.
24:00Try me.
24:01Quick thinking, Max.
24:05Daring move, Max.
24:07Not really, 99.
24:09You see, this nitro bottle happens to be empty.
24:12Max!
24:13Don't tell me it's not empty.
24:15It's not empty!
24:17I asked you not to tell me that.
24:18Heifer can't do it.
24:24Yeah!
24:31He's not empty!
24:31He's not empty!
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