- 2 days ago
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00:00I'm not gonna dance for enough today I might shake my feet to the beat
00:12But I'll shake them my way Cause sometimes they make me run too fast
00:18Sometimes they make me sing too loud But I'm only singing out
00:25To get through the crowd
00:28It's 5-0, what are you on about?
00:44Well, it was the...
00:48Come on, get on with it
00:50To be honest, Dave, I only come to watch the football to keep up appearances
00:57I'm really thinking about other stuff, my interests
01:01Watson, it's not football?
01:04I think about natural history mainly
01:06Right, last night I watched this documentary on penguins
01:11Did you know that it's the male that looks after the egg and not the female?
01:16It's no joke, through winter and blizzards and everything
01:19You knobhead
01:20Hey, check it out, right?
01:21He pretends to be watching football but really, he's thinking about penguins
01:25You what?
01:26Yeah
01:27Maybe you don't like football
01:29What?
01:30I don't
01:31Been coming here for 12 years, never once thought about it
01:34I think what famous bearded people would look like without their beards
01:37You?
01:38Like Captain Birdseye, oh Jesus
01:40You're meant to be watching the match
01:44Well, it's up to him what he thinks about
01:46Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have eight hands?
01:49Yeah
01:50I think about Christmas
01:52Awwww
01:53Yeah
01:54The penguins do Christmas, um, they do some to age as a friend
01:58Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
01:59Can't hear the telly, guys
02:01We had him, we had him, he was alive and everything
02:04Yeah, guys
02:04Good morning, how did you date with Nico?
02:08Yeah, it was brilliant
02:10Oh, good, did you go out for dinner somewhere?
02:13Yeah, we did, we had Italian
02:14Then did you come back here for some coffee?
02:16Yes
02:17Yes
02:18And then, um, and then did, um, did you, did you have sex?
02:22Well, I...
02:23Oh, and then, um, and then did you go...
02:27Oh, oh
02:30Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, oh, my sweet, oh, God, yes, yes, that's my kind of magic
02:38Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
02:41Oh, I like it, I like it, I really, really like it
02:43Permission to get my board?
02:45Permission graduate catching sex
02:47Oh, oh, I never want you to end the tunnel
02:50Choo choo choo choo choo
02:54Ahhhh
02:55Ahhhh
02:56Ahhhh
02:58Did you hear us?
02:59I hear you, yeah. Yeah, I can hear you.
03:02Yeah.
03:02You're in the train and then the tunnel.
03:05Choo-choo-choo-choo.
03:10The only question mark is why you want to come down to London
03:14to do a job in a very similar salary bracket.
03:17Er, I love London.
03:20Er, you know, bright lights, big city.
03:22Right, it's just...
03:24I'm just going to stop there.
03:25I'll just be honest with you.
03:27It's for personal reasons.
03:31Oh, Mr. Portman, I'm dreadfully sorry.
03:33Recently I spoke with my girlfriend.
03:35Your girlfriend?
03:37I'm going to tickle my ring.
03:41Yeah, no, I literally did not get one single word of that.
03:44I went to Galway to tickle my ring.
03:46You went to Galway to tickle my ring?
03:50No, I didn't do that.
03:52Escalator.
03:54Escalator.
03:55Yeah.
03:55Enjoy.
03:56Yay.
03:57No, I'm going to...
03:58I'm going to take a triple jump.
04:02Right, I'm not a gifted sumo wrestler, but I do enjoy the triple jump.
04:06No!
04:08God, I still feel a bit under the weather.
04:10How are you feeling?
04:12How do you think I feel?
04:14I've got your stupid cold, haven't I?
04:16Thanks a lot.
04:16Poor darling, you should have said something.
04:18I'd have come down and made you some soup.
04:20I called for you.
04:22I said, Laura.
04:24Laura.
04:25Laura.
04:26You didn't come.
04:29So I dialled 999.
04:30Hello?
04:31Where is he?
04:32Quickly, love.
04:33Okay, son.
04:34Everything's going to be fine.
04:35I'm going to die.
04:36Not if we can help it.
04:37My head's so burning.
04:38How did this happen?
04:39Oh, he caught the cold off me.
04:40Just don't think, do you?
04:41I'm a bit confused.
04:42Hasn't he just got a cold?
04:43For God's sake, woman, he's a man.
04:44He's got a man cold.
04:45Do not, under any circumstances, move from this bed, okay?
04:47You.
04:48Take this bell.
04:49When he rings it, I want you to come to him and rub his head and say, poor little bunny.
04:55Poor little bunny.
04:56Poor little bunny.
04:57What?
04:58I don't know.
04:59I don't know.
05:00I don't know.
05:01I don't know.
05:02I don't know.
05:03I don't know.
05:04I don't know.
05:05I don't know.
05:06I don't know.
05:07I don't know.
05:08I don't know.
05:09Poor little bunny.
05:10Okay.
05:11That's good.
05:12Let's go.
05:13I've got a man in Canter Avenue with a hurting knee.
05:16Er, sorry.
05:17Sorry.
05:18What about me?
05:19What?
05:20Well, I've got a cold too.
05:22Have you not had a lampset?
05:25Laura, I want some soup and I want to watch CBeebies.
05:32Oh, have you got the mistletoe?
05:34Yep.
05:35Well, it's half each.
05:36Not having you chasing Sally round all evening.
05:39I only have eyes for you.
05:41You old smoothie.
05:43Darling?
05:44Oh, God.
05:45What do you think?
05:47It's really festive.
05:50Very festive.
05:51You don't like it, do you?
05:52I do.
05:53I do.
05:54Then what is it?
05:55Is it the dress?
05:56No.
05:57Oh, it's the hair, isn't it?
05:58The hair is great.
06:00Probably.
06:01Then what is it?
06:03Well, maybe there's just, er, just a little bit too much...
06:09What?
06:10Tinsel.
06:12You can never just say I look nice, can you?
06:23You know I was going to ask her to marry me.
06:25Mate, you still can.
06:26I hope it was a stupid thing and both me and Laura regret it.
06:29You know what you did?
06:30You're meant to be my best mate.
06:31I know.
06:32Look at me!
06:33And you slept with my girlfriend.
06:35I'm so, so sorry.
06:37Unbelievable.
06:38You dirty little shit!
06:41Mike!
06:42Mike, wait!
06:43Please, just listen!
06:44No, you listen to me!
06:46You got a plasma TV?
06:47Oh yeah, I just got it.
06:48It's awesome.
06:49What's that, a 38 inch?
06:5042?
06:51I want to see Alien vs. Predator on it.
06:52It is amazing.
06:53Stick it on.
06:54What about Laura?
06:55So you won't want to watch it.
06:56No.
06:57No.
06:58No.
06:59No.
07:00No.
07:01No.
07:02No.
07:03No.
07:04No.
07:05No.
07:06No.
07:07No.
07:08No.
07:09No.
07:10No.
07:11No.
07:12No.
07:13No.
07:14No.
07:15No.
07:16No.
07:17No.
07:18But anyway, she's out.
07:19Probably getting shagged by someone else.
07:21Yeah.
07:22Yeah.
07:23Stick it on.
07:24OK.
07:25All of you, you're the best things ever happen to me.
07:29T's what I do if I want a lot of room.
07:33I will take all my minutes to Amsterdam for a state of the art pisshole.
07:39Right.
07:40Then, I'd buy Spurs and a bank racket.
07:42Right, and then I turn White Hart Lane into a landfill site.
07:44Exactly.
07:45Just summer and out.
07:47Then, a Brian Astley Martin!
07:50Okay.
07:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:52Finish this.
07:54Good!
07:55Good!
07:56Come on.
08:05I love your fingers.
08:07I love your face.
08:09Shall we look married?
08:10Yes!
08:11Oh!
08:15Damien, can you turn the patio heater down, please?
08:17Why?
08:18It would have been signed hours ago if we didn't have it.
08:20No, it's on full blast.
08:21It's not full blast.
08:23It's cosy.
08:24It's too hot.
08:25Can you just turn it down a smidge, please?
08:27Ange, I paid a lot of dosh for that.
08:30I'm sorry, but I'm going to get my money's worth.
08:32Fine.
08:33Have it your own way.
08:34You normally do anyway.
08:35Why do I know?
08:38Damien!
08:42Oh!
08:47Here we are!
08:48Can we at least try and find some consonants in there, or...?
08:51It's...
08:52It's...
08:53Time!
08:54Right.
08:55I don't know.
08:56Off the top of my head, time.
08:57Oh, yeah.
08:58Right.
08:59Great.
09:00Time.
09:01I've come in a time machine to take you back to the future to stop the world being taken
09:07over by robots!
09:08That's first class.
09:17Okay, so let's... let's put all that together.
09:22Let's see what you remember, shall we?
09:24Okay, so...
09:26So, hands ready.
09:27There we...
09:28That's it.
09:29Okay.
09:30Let's line it up.
09:31There's a good girl.
09:32Keep your eye on the ball.
09:37And...
09:38And...
09:39And...
09:40And...
09:41And...
09:42And we...
09:43We pull back.
09:44And swing through.
09:54No, darling.
09:56You mustn't kick it.
09:57That's a different game.
09:58Oh!
09:59Okay.
10:00So, one more time.
10:01And listen, darlings.
10:02This is important.
10:03Hang on.
10:04Hang on.
10:05Hang on.
10:06You can carry on now.
10:08Yeah, you've got...
10:09You've got to hit it with the club.
10:11Sure.
10:12Okay.
10:13Now, by club, do you mean this stick?
10:18Yes, but...
10:19Bless you.
10:20We call it a club.
10:21A club.
10:22A club.
10:23A club.
10:24Club.
10:25Yeah.
10:26Yeah.
10:27So, line the ball up.
10:28Keep your eye on the ball.
10:29Good.
10:30And pull back.
10:31And...
10:32For fuck's sake.
10:34Oh, no.
10:36I'm sorry.
10:37I'm really sorry.
10:38I'll do it properly this time.
10:39I promise.
10:40I promise.
10:41One more time.
10:50And...
10:52180!
10:53What do you reckon?
10:54Shirt in?
10:55Shirt out?
10:56Let me see out.
10:57Oh, yeah.
10:58Out.
10:59Yeah.
11:00Definitely out.
11:02See you later.
11:03Excuse me.
11:04Is anyone sitting here?
11:05Oh, no.
11:06Please.
11:07Ah, thanks.
11:08Mm.
11:09Oh, it's a long flight.
11:10Yeah.
11:11Yeah.
11:12Yeah.
11:1311 hours.
11:14I know.
11:15Still, though, it's nice to have someone to talk to.
11:18Y...
11:19Yeah.
11:20Uh...
11:21Look.
11:22Sorry.
11:23I'm just not sure I'm ready for that kind of commitment.
11:30What?
11:31someone to talk to you yeah sorry I'm just not sure I'm ready for that kind of
11:40commitment what well me sitting here it's just a casual thing I don't get too
11:49deeply involved oh I mean you sat down so I assumed you wanted to talk but
12:00probably a really nice person yeah it's not you it's just I'm really not talking to anyone at
12:08the moment okay I've just come out of a very deep heavy conversation okay didn't want to talk why
12:19did you sit here in the first place desperate I wanted an aisle seat I have no leg room oh my god
12:23see if I'd known that I would have never given up that seat well you gave it up pretty easily didn't
12:28hear that is not fair I am very choosy I love my bag on it fine fine fine I don't care hi um is it all
12:48what's that here I'm sorry I'm just not ready for a rebound conversation I mean you seem like a nice
12:57guy your honor I've just been informed that he has been delayed although I'm assured that he will be
13:03here very shortly unless you're able to produce your witness his statement to this court must be
13:07disregarded and I must proceed if I may interrupt miss Edison I appreciate the validity of your
13:13defense may be diminished by the absence of your witness but this point I have no other order
13:19it's snowing it's snowing yeah
13:27you got a condom don't need one what um I shoot blanks I'm infertile really yeah what about diseases
13:40no can't get them you can't get diseases no I'm immune you're immune how I was immunized by an
13:46African medicine man one of the best what really really cross my heart and hope to die you're hang
13:52on you're immune to all sexy transmitted diseases no all diseases full stop hang on you're not just
13:57saying all this to get out of wearing a condom no I would prefer it if you wore one when I was born
14:04a wizard put magic on my willy if I put rubber on my penis the whole world will blow up that doesn't
14:10sound very likely have you seen Lord of the Rings yeah the bit like that except on my cock I would
14:15prefer it if you used a condom my balls are connected to a satellite if I put a condom on
14:20it'll muffle the signal we're not having sex without a condom right you got one yeah dysentery
14:28straw prairie hoodlum buzzard sorry Jenny the next person has been waiting two more minutes I'm so
14:36close pterodactyl isotope but somersault Bob Dylan oh good no we made you worse yeah hello I am so
14:47sorry about that my taxi was late and this is for you your lines are in red and minor in blue
14:55um ignore the first books when I wrote it you arrived on time actually you were a little early
15:00so well I said about the taxi double page 4 sorry why exactly do I need a script um it's for my perfect
15:11evening oh you look incredible have you done something different with your hair that was rubbish
15:22that's what it says here no no no you know it's you look incredible have you done something
15:28different with your hair make me believe it yeah okay right when you're ready just yeah you look
15:35incredible have you done something different to your hair no no no no no if anything that was worse
15:44I need a drink I say sorry I'd like a whiskey yeah hi hi I was just wondering if you could read
15:52something you know just from here to here for me sure you look incredible have you done something
16:00different with your hair is that okay that was that was perfection actually can you just get to page 16
16:07look can we just order if you're interested I know a great little salsa club it's not far from here
16:13sounds great I'm game if you are
16:16thank you
16:23come back you're the orange
16:27the only one
16:29come back you're the one for me oh crikey it's nearly three I said we'd be back by two I hope
16:41they're all right there was a problem I could have called they probably snuggled up on the couch
16:45what what uh why why why has that happened I've customized it right thought you'd be pleased
17:00no come on what should be worth loads more now
17:10so I've got these amazing new glasses they're called bendium and the and the idea is that they
17:18can be bent into any shape at all it's sort of like a you know metal with memory oh I've heard of
17:24these give us a go they are absolutely brilliant just twisted and then they just spring back
17:29yeah anyway they they they arrive on Monday
17:36I'm back bloody hell I know I can't believe it I've got a tattoo
17:46it's quite prominent yeah I know it's sexy that way isn't it
17:52yeah and you said you found her too sexy so poor yeah I'm sorry I thought you'd be slightly more
18:03enthusiastic about this yeah I am I am enthusiastic but they not put it in the center I know it's it's
18:10right in the center maybe not politically and yeah God you're brave to have that done and all
18:16because I once said you know I find girls sexy with tattoos thanks it's just just what well it's
18:27just it's just a I mean they've done a very it's very clear yes it's a very professional job but it's
18:35just just a tad Nazi there God you can never just say I look nice can you
18:46what was that all about she obviously likes this track hey enjoying herself she's having a
19:03bit of a boogie you know why what's her dance she was dancing
19:11hi
19:13when did this all start off
19:17a while back
19:22never heard of it
19:25it's pretty shit
19:31this is why people come to nightclubs to dance to music it's fun
19:39music what the fuck is music
19:43you've listened to music before
19:49music
19:50music
19:53do I look like an idiot
19:59oh brilliant
20:04they're all at it
20:07where's your self-respect
20:09idiot
20:09two mils of hydropodine sulfate
20:14check the pulse
20:16can you hear me Sarah stay with us now
20:19stay with us
20:19check the pulse
20:20I think you're losing us
20:21stay with us Sarah come on now
20:23it's not working
20:24Christ Mike I don't know what else we can do
20:26there's only one thing left we can try
20:31it's experimental
20:33but it might just work
20:35I'm gonna come on her tits
20:39don't play God Mike
20:44it's her only chance
20:45clear
20:56you did everything you could
21:05oh brilliant
21:16Jenny's coming
21:17Jenny
21:17Claire is gonna be well pissed off
21:21I've found someone new
21:22oh great mate
21:24yeah she's
21:24she's nice
21:25um
21:26yeah really nice
21:28think something special
21:29might be on here
21:30alright sweetheart
21:31um Jenny Mike Mike Jenny
21:35oh so nice to meet you
21:36so how's your night out
21:42brilliant me and Joe got absolutely wanky
21:46oh I puked everywhere
21:48they puked everywhere
21:50absolutely
21:51I'm gonna get a little pint
21:54want a beer you alright
21:55no
21:56alright
21:56so what do you think
22:06have you ever heard of beer
22:08Golland Steve
22:08not something I've ever
22:10suffered from mate
22:11I'm glad to say
22:12so er
22:17what do you do
22:19Jenny
22:20fireman
22:21oh that's an interesting job
22:24for a girl
22:25not really
22:26boring as shit
22:27mate
22:27oh
22:32I'm gonna get another one
22:34you alright
22:35what do you do the hair
22:41you don't like that
22:43girls don't have to have long hair
22:44you know Mike
22:45I like the way Jenny's got it
22:46it's neat
22:46it's not that
22:47okay yeah
22:48she's not as slim as Claire
22:50you know
22:50but I like to have something
22:52to hold on to
22:53you know what I mean
22:53depends where it is mate
22:54the other day
22:55we were in this pub
22:56and erm
22:57this bloke was rude to her
22:59and she just sort of
22:59bosh
23:00she just
23:01she just knocked him out
23:02it was hilarious
23:03she ended up in a hospital
23:04did he
23:05right
23:06erm
23:06look at a figure
23:08I know
23:08what an arse
23:10boar
23:11no
23:13Jenny's a man
23:14what
23:17you know I finally meet
23:19someone I really like
23:20who likes me for me
23:22and you just can't handle that
23:24can you
23:24that's it
23:25little bitter Mike
23:27of course
23:27hitting the nail on the head
23:29come on Jenny
23:29leave the drinks
23:30we're going
23:31Mike's being a prick
23:32oh is he
23:33is he a little prick
23:34you fucking
23:35come on
23:36now now now darling
23:37he talks about this
23:37go get the camera
23:47what
23:47I know that's why you got in
23:49oh
23:50no no yeah
23:53yeah
23:53okay
23:59yep
24:00okay
24:02hammer off
24:03oh go on there
24:05yes
24:06this is amazing
24:07so sexy
24:09LCD touch panel function
24:10oh yeah
24:13whoa mirror effect
24:14cool
24:14you're kissing yourself
24:17hello Laura
24:18hello Laura
24:19two titties
24:20four titties
24:20two titties
24:21four titties
24:21one
24:21no titties
24:23ECB function
24:24that is just so horny
24:26red eye
24:27that's going to be useful at parties
24:29oh my god
24:30yeah I'm just
24:30here I'll be down here
24:32I've got wood
24:33my real boobs
24:34paint effect this is cool man
24:36come on
24:37interesting job
24:41for a girl
24:42a girl
24:43Jenny's a man
24:48man
24:49man
24:50take out the mouth
24:51take out the mouth again
24:51alright
24:52hey
24:59hello
25:01hi
25:02um
25:02I'd like to buy some makeup for my girlfriend
25:06and I was wondering if you could help me and just kind of tell me what to get her
25:11okay right
25:12but is it actually for you
25:16no it's for my girlfriend
25:19sounds like someone secretly wants to buy makeup for themselves
25:23no somebody wants to buy a present for their girlfriend
25:27a fake girlfriend
25:28a fake girlfriend
25:30he wants to buy makeup for a fake girlfriend so he can wear it himself
25:34look I don't want to
25:36he wants to put lipstick on his lips and make big kissy with you know he's like a girl
25:41I just... I just want to get her a present, you know?
25:44Right. Do you like the way mascara makes your eyelashes gold?
25:49Look, I have told you that I do not wear make-up.
25:53But the thing is, is that you do?
25:57No, I don't.
25:58Yeah, I know. But you do.
26:02I am not having this conversation with you.
26:04Oh, why? It's because you haven't got your make-up on.
26:07Quite funny, aren't you? You're the big joker.
26:11Laugh at this. I'd like to see your manager, please. Toot sweet.
26:15Erm, Anne, she's a very angry man.
26:19Hi, can I help you?
26:20You're the manager? Yes.
26:22Yeah, well... Angela.
26:23Angela. Trying to buy some make-up for my girl.
26:26You wear make-up?
26:27I want to buy some make-up for my girl.
26:29You wear make-up. You wear make-up.
26:33You wear make-up. You wear make-up.
26:38Good day.
26:39You wear make-up on your face.
26:41On your face. On your face. On your face. On your face.
26:45Lady, boy. Lady, boy. Lady, boy. Lady, boy. Lady, boy.
26:49You wear make-up. You wear make-up, Memphis.
26:51Make up on your face!
26:57Make up on your face!
27:21We'll see you next time.
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