- 7 months ago
Original Broadcast Date: June 29th 2016
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TVTranscript
00:001, 2, 3, 4
00:30Well, our politicians have been on the H for the last two months.
00:42The Hustings, I mean, not heroin.
00:44Although, like heroin, the election campaign can be very addictive,
00:48send you to sleep, and when things get really desperate,
00:50those on it will lie to your face just to get a fix.
00:53But it's not over yet, so let's not get too excited and start partying.
00:56How long have we got to go, Mr Chalkboard?
00:59Three more days, Sean. Three more days.
01:02Yes, yes, three more days.
01:04So let's not go crazy.
01:05Because a lot's riding on this result.
01:07The rest of the world looks to us to set a good example.
01:10The Brexit, for instance, entirely our fault.
01:14Both Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage were apparently very taken
01:17with our approach to immigration,
01:18picking and choosing who comes into the country based on their skills.
01:22As Britain picked and chose who came to Australia
01:24based on their skills back in 1788.
01:26Because the key to being a world-class country like us, I think,
01:31is to be isolationist,
01:33but still be able to engage with other countries when it comes to trade.
01:36So I'd like to not be as mad as hell this show.
01:38I'd like to accentuate the positives in a calm and thoughtful
01:42and non-cynical way to help you, the idiot,
01:44make an informed and responsible decision on Saturday.
01:48First up, what's been our defining moment?
01:52Every election campaign has one.
01:53Somebody says something that will live forever in history.
01:56Something like this.
01:57Ask not what your country can do for you.
02:02Ask what you can do for your country.
02:04Well, the closest thing I could find to our JFK moment was this.
02:08It is not courageous to scream from the coffee shop.
02:12It's courageous to get to as close to the centre of the table as possible.
02:18Yes.
02:19It's a very rare gift to be able to give voice to what a whole nation is thinking.
02:25Actually, that was just one of a rich vein of memorable quotes
02:28that Barnaby severed during last week's National Press Club address,
02:32an address where he posted a very compelling case
02:34for his re-election as Deputy Prime Minister to.
02:36We worked as well to remove the mining tax
02:39because where you find coal and where you will find miners.
02:46More evidence than what we do
02:49to show that we're not philosophers, we're doers.
02:52And we've put so much effort into it.
02:55Through phytosanitary controls,
02:57occupational work health and safety requirements,
02:59we are doing no more than what people have asked us of.
03:02Building the roads, building the dams, cutting the red cape.
03:05This idea that we haven't got an investment land is just bumpkin.
03:09Yes.
03:10Yes, complete bumpkin.
03:12One bit I did understand, though, was this.
03:15The world is looking for protein.
03:16One of the greatest venues for the production of that protein.
03:19Here.
03:20Our nation.
03:21Our nation.
03:22And you can see it.
03:23If it walks, and if it's not human,
03:26somebody around the world wants to eat it.
03:27CEO of the live animal export freedom quality niceness board,
03:32Adele Computer, you see an opportunity here, don't you?
03:35Yeah, for sure, Sean.
03:37If it's true that people want to eat almost anything that walks,
03:40then this could open up a whole new trade in,
03:43for example, live ant exports.
03:45Yes, which would be great news for all those people
03:47doing it tough on ant farms around the country, wouldn't it?
03:49Yeah.
03:50Plus, of course, you eliminate the problems we've had
03:52with overseas abattoirs because they don't need them.
03:55All they need is a bit of sunlight and a magnifying glass.
03:58And is Mr Joyce right in saying if it isn't human?
04:01Do people not want to eat humans?
04:03Well, I'm not sure about that, Sean.
04:06We've been importing live humans into our country for decades.
04:09Yeah, but we're not eating them, are we?
04:11Well, we're still processing lots of them.
04:14Thank you, Adele.
04:15Now, not that Barnaby's been spending his election campaign
04:18just writing himself into the history books
04:20and appealing to carnivores.
04:21He's also been a stern critic of Labor,
04:23promising to spend money that isn't there
04:25on things that aren't there.
04:26Why don't they just go and promise an Eiffel Tower in every town?
04:29Because they don't have the money for that either.
04:31No problem, though, apparently in him finding the money
04:34to move the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority
04:36from Canberra to Armidale in Mr Joyce's electorate.
04:39Manitale reporter Shemp Punk is in Armidale.
04:42And Shemp, while Mr Joyce has said that the public servants
04:44who work at the agency better get used to the idea,
04:47the move is opposed by the majority of workers
04:49at the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority,
04:51their unions and the agency's management
04:53and the National Farmers Federation.
04:55One of the agency's workplace unions saying the move was pork barrelling,
04:59designed to bolster Mr Joyce's chances of re-election
05:02in his New England seat,
05:03where he's under pressure from independent Tony Windsor.
05:06And the authority's chief executive, Karina Arthi,
05:08saying it would be hard to rebuild the agency without the scientists,
05:11most of whom are refusing to leave the capital.
05:13In fact, Animal Medicines Australia chief executive Duncan Bredner
05:16told the ABC that he welcomed investment in regional areas
05:20but was worried about paralysis descending on the APVMA
05:24if highly trained specialists refuse to leave Canberra,
05:26which many of them are.
05:27Shemp is sadly unable to bring us any more detail on this story
05:31due to the tremor, which you can see is affecting him.
05:35Shemp, thanks for being there
05:36and all the best with the surgery for the tremor,
05:38which I understand you're undergoing tomorrow.
05:40No, it's not surgery.
05:41It's a non-invasive procedure and it's not till next month.
05:44A terribly frustrating disability there.
05:46We should probably sack him.
05:49But of course, it's Bill Shorten
05:50who comes across as the most presidential of the candidates.
05:54He's certainly got a natural affinity with kids
05:56and he really knows how to connect with them.
05:57We're not going to give them to be corporate tax cuts.
06:02Because it's important.
06:04It is important for politicians,
06:06even those without leadership ambitions,
06:08to show us that they're comfortable with children,
06:11to demonstrate that they're just like us.
06:13Plus, they also get to be seen in an informal environment,
06:16like they've taken a break from the campaign
06:18to do something more important.
06:20And on that point,
06:22a press conference early this evening
06:23from an unexpected quarter,
06:25our mad as hell camera was there
06:26and, more importantly, switched on.
06:29Thank you for coming, everyone.
06:32The kids of Australia do not want to be part
06:34of the election campaign anymore.
06:37We do not endorse any party that we have been filmed with.
06:41And from now on,
06:42we do not want to be picked up,
06:45hugged or kissed by people like
06:47Barnaby Joyce or Jenny Macklin.
06:49We are sick to the tummy of being exploded.
06:53We're too young
06:53and we don't understand politics.
06:56There's lots of grown-ups
06:57who don't understand politics either.
07:00So please just pick them up
07:02and kiss them instead.
07:04I will not take questions.
07:06And that leads us very neatly into something
07:08that we're all very concerned about this election,
07:10other than our children,
07:12ourselves.
07:12Specifically,
07:13health and border security.
07:16Pedro Wilson and syncopated rhythms
07:18from the Libs and the Labs' respective campaign officers
07:20isn't it rather unseemly
07:22for two of the more major parties like yours
07:24to be trying to scare us into voting for you
07:26in these dying moments of the campaign?
07:29Well, exactly, Sean.
07:30People will die if the Libs get in
07:32because of what they'll do to Medicare.
07:33That is bullshit rhythms
07:34and you know it, Sean.
07:35We are going to do no such thing.
07:37Oh, they totally will, Sean.
07:39But the only problem this country will have
07:40with Medicare is if Labor get in
07:42and the system gets all clogged up
07:43with all those illegal refugee children
07:45wanting our free dental care.
07:46Hang on, hang on, hang on.
07:48Wait a minute now, both of you, all right?
07:49That's enough.
07:50I am not going to put up
07:51with the sort of bickering that goes on
07:52on that thing that Lee Sales hosts.
07:55These people pay eight cents a day
07:57for decent news coverage
07:59and I will not have our job made hard.
08:00No, Sean, look!
08:02Look, she's totally freaking me out!
08:07She had fangs!
08:08As if!
08:10Yeah, as if, being the name of
08:12one of those refugees you'll no doubt let in.
08:15All right, now, now, now, Pedro,
08:18the Libs claim that Labor are trying
08:19to scare the voters into thinking
08:21that you're going to privatise Medicare
08:22when, in fact, all you claim to be doing
08:25is to rethink the process.
08:26No! No! Look, Sean, look!
08:30What?
08:31She had these Freddy Krueger knife gloves on.
08:34She was going to run them down a blackboard.
08:36Were you?
08:39No! He's lying!
08:40I wasn't!
08:41Sean, it's the Libs who are trying to scare the electorate
08:44over our asylum seeker policy.
08:45Can I tell you a story?
08:46Sure.
08:47Bill Shorten and I met with a delegation
08:49from the UNHCR just last month.
08:52We have the meeting
08:53and afterwards everyone wants to go out
08:54and grab a bite to eat
08:55but I wasn't feeling that well
08:56so I went back to the hotel.
08:58Anyway, I've got this dog, right?
09:00Imagine he's under the bed
09:01and the lights don't work in the room
09:03so I decide to go to sleep.
09:05Anyway, I hear this dripping from the bathroom
09:08and it really freaks me out.
09:12Drip, drip, drip, drip.
09:15And the dog's obviously a bit nervous
09:17because it's a hotel
09:18and he's not home in his basket
09:19so he keeps licking my hand from under the bed
09:21and I fall asleep.
09:23In the morning, I go to the bathroom
09:26and there on the wall, in blood,
09:29is the Liberal Party logo.
09:32And hanging from the curtain rail of the shower stall
09:35is what's left of our Medicare system.
09:38Fuck me!
09:39Oh, Sean, you're not going to let her get away with that, are you?
09:42Ask her about the refugees.
09:44Look, she's letting one in now!
09:46Look! Look, look, look!
09:47What are you talking about?
09:48Look!
09:51There's nothing there!
09:54But I tell you, I saw it!
09:55All right, go and sit in the corner.
09:57Go and sit in the corner.
10:00I'm going to keep interrupting.
10:02Sit there and behave yourself.
10:04Put your seatbelt on.
10:08Now relax and look out the window.
10:18But Pedro raises an interesting point.
10:20In the old days, when Tony Abbott was Prime Minister,
10:23not only were the jokes a lot easier,
10:24but Scott Morrison was Immigration Minister
10:26and you knew where you stood with him on On Water Matters,
10:29completely in the dark.
10:30Peter Dutton, on the other hand,
10:32can't seem to shut up about them,
10:33particularly this Vietnamese vessel,
10:36which ventured into our territorial waters
10:38and got very close to our election date
10:40before it had to be turned back.
10:41There were 21 people on board that vessel,
10:45including 11 adult males,
10:47six adult females,
10:49three male children
10:50and one female child.
10:52Now with ScoMo,
10:53the best you could hope for
10:54was a polite fuck-off
10:55and a four-star general.
10:57But Pidu is a horse
10:58of an entirely different set of contrasting colours,
11:01despite observing just a week ago
11:02that people smugglers listened closely
11:04to what Australian politicians were saying.
11:06So, vice-rear cabin boy
11:08in charge of border security,
11:09Sir Bobo Gargle,
11:10if loose lips launch ships,
11:12why Peter Dutton's loquacity?
11:14Oh, Sean, sorry,
11:14if I could just clarify
11:15what the Minister said in that clip.
11:17Absolutely.
11:17I can also reveal
11:18that the captain of the intercepted ship
11:20is a 44-year-old new and sang,
11:23a sailor of some 20 years' experience
11:25whose hobbies include
11:26mouse-collecting,
11:27DAS modelling
11:27and that game
11:28where you kick a wicker ball over the net.
11:31The intercepted vessel
11:32is officially registered
11:33as the Cheeky Lotus,
11:34a 1978 class
11:36five single-engine
11:3730-horsepower
11:37catch-em-good trawler
11:39painted in a deluxe
11:41mega-seal aquamarine
11:42with a beige trim.
11:44The ocean upon which
11:46the Cheeky Lotus was buoyant
11:47is a mixture of water
11:49and dissolved salts.
11:50It books only
11:503.5% cylinders.
11:52Yes, you see,
11:53this goes to my point.
11:54Why the sudden propensity
11:55for detail?
11:56Well, Sean,
11:57on this very important matter,
11:59extra detail
12:00equals more airtime
12:02and as your clinically insane
12:04chalkboard has pointed out,
12:05we still have
12:06two business days
12:07to fill.
12:08What does the defence minister
12:09think about border protection
12:10being used
12:11as a political shuttlecock
12:12like this?
12:13Well, Sean,
12:13I have spoken to
12:14Maurice Payne.
12:15And what did
12:15Maurice Payne say?
12:17Well, she told me
12:18to Maurice the Kraken!
12:28Hi, Sean.
12:29Just maybe a few moments.
12:31The Kraken's just going to
12:32need into his costume.
12:33Maybe.
12:34Maybe a sec.
12:35Um, yeah,
12:43won't be long now,
12:44just bringing them out now.
12:46LAUGHTER
12:46You can't governor,
12:57oh, you're so proud,
12:58you're so proud,
12:58you're so proud.
12:58How do youó?
13:00I ams!
13:01Oh, you do!
13:02You can...
13:03I ams.
13:03I ams.
13:34And, and continuing in the spirit of the election campaign, an attack ad in an attempt to vanquish our opposition.
13:43Who do you trust to provide sensible, responsible entertainment?
13:50The show where the star kisses another man in front of her dead husband?
13:55Or the stable, experienced political satire?
13:59Last time they were on air, they promised to entertain you.
14:05Instead, they made you cry.
14:09Don't risk another season of Asher Keddie talking to ghosts.
14:14On Wednesday nights, watch Sean McAlef talking to skeletons.
14:20Britain's spoken unauthorised.
14:21Now, of course, the other side of the scare campaign coin is just as two-faced.
14:30Just as the coalition of the willing to bung it on a bit about border protection are over-egging the opposition's pudding,
14:36on the question of privatising Medicare, I think anyone with half a brain can tell you that Labour is lying.
14:41Unfortunately, one of those people is in charge of putting the front page together at the Daily Telly.
14:45Chris Lorax, as the head of appalling puns at News Corp, you've outdone yourself.
14:51This time, Bill Nokia doesn't even make any sense.
14:55Well, it does because Bill's lying, Sean.
14:57You see how his nose is growing there?
14:58Yeah, but surely Bill and Pin don't sound the same, do they?
15:02Wouldn't shorter Nokia have been better?
15:04You know, because of the end.
15:05Just a bit of fun, Sean.
15:07Doesn't have to make sense.
15:09Yeah, but Bill Nokia...
15:10We had to put something there.
15:12Yeah, well, having nothing there would probably have been funnier.
15:16The reality is that the Coalition cares desperately about our health.
15:20They're even providing a type of trip to the doctor advisor for those voters who can afford,
15:24or aspire to be able to afford, private health cover,
15:27categorising the policies available on the market as gold, silver or bronze.
15:32Or bronze.
15:34Health Minister spokesmodel Kaz Taunt, what are these three great-sounding categories?
15:39Well, Sean, gold classes, canapes and champagne on arrival,
15:43limousine transfer to a private room at Star City Casino
15:46with complimentary $250 in gaming chips,
15:5024-hour personalised attention from a team of specialists
15:52and a no-golden staff guarantee.
15:55Excuse me, excuse me, just one minute.
15:57If you're going to go with the whole idea of Bill being some sort of puppet,
16:01why don't I have the CFMEU or the TWU up there pulling the strings over him?
16:04Wouldn't that have actually made some sort of point?
16:06Sorry, Kaz, go on.
16:12Well, silver is a mini-quiche and a yakut on arrival,
16:16then a service elevator to a shared ward with non-English-speaking patients
16:21and a no-golden staff guarantee.
16:23We have to make these front pages every bloody day!
16:26It's bloody hard!
16:29Ignore him.
16:29Please go on.
16:30It was very interesting.
16:30Um, well, bronze is a seven-day wait on arrival
16:34before being moved into your own step on the fire stairs
16:37with treatment by cleaning staff and a golden staff guarantee.
16:42Well, let's say I've got bronze class and I'm waiting in emergency
16:46and ahead of me is a Russian guy with silver class cover.
16:49If he has a blood test and fails it,
16:51would he be disqualified allowing me to be awarded the silver cover?
16:54Absolutely.
16:55Tell me, why is the government so keen to push private health cover
16:58if they're still committed to public health care?
17:28Yes, as Bill Shorten rightly and very amusingly says,
17:51for friends like Mr Turnbull, Medicare sure doesn't need any enemies.
18:02You see, that's actually funny.
18:04Why don't you try something like that?
18:07Another matter which has loomed large this campaign
18:10and which really should be looked at right now
18:12is the Inland Rail Project.
18:15Now, as you can see, it's a pretty big commitment there.
18:17My worry is that if the project goes ahead
18:19and if this Palmer United candidate gets elected,
18:22he will put on a top hat and a cape
18:24and tie a young woman to the railway tracks.
18:29Actually, we haven't talked much about the Palmer United Party
18:31this election campaign,
18:32mainly because there's not much party to talk about.
18:35Over the last three years,
18:36their alignment with Ricky Muir has fallen away.
18:39Jackie Lambie left, then Glenn Lazarus.
18:42Clive, as you know, is not running this year.
18:44And now, apparently...
18:45Clive Palmer's political party
18:47is preparing to wipe his name off its branding.
18:51So Palmer is gone in name as well as his physical being,
18:55which sort of makes a nonsense of the United too, doesn't it?
18:59And I guess bringing people together is a little hopeful
19:01given that it's just D.O. Wang.
19:04And bringing person together doesn't quite make any sense, does it?
19:11It's not even really a party anymore, is it?
19:14Anyway, good luck to them on Saturday.
19:19Now, two days out and I'm very worried
19:21about one issue that hasn't been raised as yet,
19:23despite the fact that it triggered
19:24this whole election in the first place.
19:27The ABCC.
19:28Now, you all remember that, don't you?
19:30The Australian Building and Construction Commission.
19:32That's right. Very good.
19:34Anyway, I asked the news department here at Aunty
19:37to down tools on programmes like Full Corners and Lateline
19:40and concentrate on finding someone who has said something about the ABCC.
19:44This is all we could find.
19:45The Assistant Minister to the Prime Minister, James McGrath.
19:49ABCC sounds sometimes like an extra of Star Wars.
19:52Does it, pop culture enthusiast Crane Girdle?
19:57No, Sean, no.
19:59It sounds like no name from a Star Wars galaxy that I'm familiar with.
20:02The protocol droids like the Cyborg Galactica C-3PO
20:05and, of course, the much-loved R2-D2
20:07and the more recent Rollerbot BB-8 of The Force Awakens
20:10all have numbers in their names as well as letters.
20:14And technically, these droids are not extras
20:17in that they are featured players in the narrative
20:19and are not background artistes.
20:22So if Mr McGrath wants to pop culture reference
20:24science fiction movie robots, then he'd better look elsewhere.
20:28So these aren't the droids he's looking for?
20:31No.
20:31No, these aren't the droids he's looking for.
20:34He can go about his business?
20:35He can go about his business.
20:38Still to come?
20:39Still to come.
20:40£10,000 to £20,000.
20:45Antiques Roadshow guests delighted by valuation of her kidney.
20:48And after too many officers left hanging,
20:51Victorian police introduces mandatory high-five training.
20:56Now, like the story of Jonah and the whale,
20:59this campaign has thrown up something quite unusual.
21:02Something that I have not seen in my 25 years
21:05of pretending to report on elections.
21:07Arts policies.
21:08The one from the Greens was the most gobsmacking.
21:11To actually pay artists a living wage while their income is low
21:15to help them save and plan for their retirement.
21:17Quietly spokesperson for the Greens,
21:19Taffrey Runway.
21:20It's an ambitious proposal, isn't it?
21:22But surely the flaw is that anyone can claim they're an artist, can't they?
21:25I mean, I painted this on the way to work.
21:26Does that make me an artist?
21:28Well, obviously, we'd have to take a look at it case by case, Sean.
21:32Consider the painting, listen to the music, read what's been written, and make a judgment call from there.
21:37All right.
21:37Yes, but isn't all art subjective?
21:41Um, not the bad art, Sean.
21:43Bad art is objectively awful.
21:46But the scheme is designed to support good art made by proper, actual struggling artists.
21:52Oh, excuse me.
21:53Garfield Delamore, you're a struggling artist?
21:56I have that honor, Sean, yes.
21:58And what is it that you do?
22:01I guess you could say I'm a street artist.
22:04I frequent the humble boulevards and malls of our teeming metropolis,
22:08but no strutting peacock am I, Sean.
22:10No audacious poser, no pretentious haraviste.
22:15No, no, I am a mere living art installation thing,
22:19exploring the very dichotomy between the having and the not having
22:22within the interpersonal boundaries where a fluid fiscal transaction may take place.
22:29So you are strangers on the street for money.
22:33But Teffy Runway, oh, excuse me.
22:34But Teffy Runway, what is art?
22:36Well, it's not that.
22:42Of course, Labour also announced an arts policy,
22:45and this was a really good one, too, because it included $60 million to the ABC,
22:49which is great news, because it means my documentary,
22:51Sean McAuliffe's Stairway to the French Riviera,
22:54can finally get bloody made.
22:57That's what he adds.
22:58He's China's most popular and outspoken artist,
23:02taking a stand on democracy and human rights abuses.
23:06That's Ai Weiwei Standing Up, Tuesday at 8.
23:09Now, one thing we shouldn't forget is that this election is not only about electing a government,
23:24it's also a vote about whether or not we'll have to have another vote on an issue
23:28that I think we can all agree divides us together as one.
23:33And a nation divided is a burden shared by at least half of us.
23:36That's right, I'm talking about same-gender marriage.
23:40Now, I don't want to call it same-sex marriage or gay marriage,
23:43because really it's got nothing to do with having sex or being gay, does it?
23:47There's nothing in the current marriage law that says that a man and a woman who get married
23:51have to be heterosexual or indeed have sex with each other in the way that God intended.
23:55Reverse cowgirl.
24:03Now, if the present government get back, they will have a mandate to leave it up to you in a plebiscite, maybe.
24:10If Labor get in, they'll decide for you.
24:12So it's a tough choice because only 1.2% of us are gay.
24:16And so most of us have no idea what we're talking about.
24:18The bulk of us have no skin in the game, if you'll pardon the expression.
24:22But it is something that those who it doesn't affect in the slightest can have an opinion about.
24:28That's why I was so pleased last week to hear from Scott Morrison,
24:31a man opposed to same-gender marriage because of his religious beliefs,
24:35who, in response to Penny Wong's claim that a plebiscite would stoke homophobia and bigotry, said,
24:40Yes, it is very easy to forget those who aren't in love with someone of the same gender in all of this.
24:55And as a heterosexual man married to a heterosexual woman,
24:57I, too, can really empathise with Scott's empathising
25:00because I, too, know what it's like to know what something's like.
25:05He's received hate mail for his views.
25:07Penny's received hate mail for who she is.
25:09It's like comparing apples and oranges to an exactly identical set of apples and oranges.
25:20Well, mystery still surrounds the AFP-NBN raid on Labour's Stephen Conroy and a Labour staffer.
25:25But in tonight's exclusive report, Mattis Hell can reveal exactly who knew what and how and when and who and why.
25:33For legal reasons, we've had to protect the identity of all those involved.
25:38It was here in Melbourne in June that four members of the Australian Federal Police
25:43raided the home of a staff member of Labour's Shadow Minister Jason Clare.
25:47Jim Spriggs was one of the raiders.
25:49Why the underwear?
25:59So the question remains, who gave the order to remove the underwear?
26:04Mr. Walden, did you order the raids on the NBN Lee?
26:07Mr. Walden, Mr. Walden, when did you know that the AFP raids are going to take place?
26:24Everyone we approach from the government declined to appear in this report.
26:29But one thing's for certain, this matter won't be going away in a hurry.
26:33The story they didn't want you to see.
26:40Well, not coming up because Chase's election desk is on, um...
26:46Well, I've probably got some time.
26:49No, I've just wasted it.
26:51On in a minute.
26:53Pine delivers, but Xenophon home delivers.
26:56At last, I can get to the airport in peace.
27:01And person standing behind John Howard proves his point.
27:04It's often in these safe seats that people can sneak up on you.
27:11And so as we prepare to go to the polls on Saturday, voters are now trying to work out
27:15who's lying, who's not, and which party's going to do the best for me.
27:18And I know that all of you will take my welfare into account.
27:23But it may help you to think of Australia as an airplane.
27:26All right?
27:27That's in trouble.
27:27In an emergency situation, and your family is on board.
27:31The Coalition says, give all the oxygen and the life vests to the pilots,
27:34and the passengers can have any that's left over.
27:36Because without the pilots, the passengers aren't going anywhere.
27:40Labor says, give all the oxygen and life vests to the passengers,
27:42because Labor hates pilots.
27:44The Greens say aeroplanes leave a massive carbon footprint,
27:48so what are you doing flying anyway?
27:50If you need oxygen, plant a tree.
27:53And Nick Xenophon says, give the oxygen and the life vests to the pilots,
27:56the crew and the passengers, so that no-one dislikes him.
28:00Ultimately, though, it's important to remember this.
28:09Well, you can place faith in material things.
28:14Material things will fail you.
28:18A hurricane triggered by a butterfly's wings.
28:21Conspirators betray you.
28:24Everyone!
28:25Don't place faith in human beings.
28:29Human beings are unreliable things.
28:33Don't place faith in human beings.
28:36Human beings are...
28:39...butterfly wings.
28:41Don't place faith in human beings.
28:42Don't place faith in human beings.
28:43Human beings are unreliable things.
28:45Don't place faith in human beings.
28:47Well, you can place faith in a new ageing.
28:51Well, you can place faith in a new ageing.
28:51That fascist faith will kill you.
28:54A hurricane triggered by a butterfly's wings.
28:58Your conspirators will betray you.
29:01Hey!
29:02Don't place faith in human beings.
29:06Human beings are unreliable things.
29:09Don't place faith in human beings.
29:10Don't place faith in human beings.
29:12Human beings are...
29:15...butterfly wings.
29:17Still, you never know.
29:18Maybe they'll surprise us, you know.
29:19My money's on the Western Bulldogs or the Warriors.
29:20Assuming they're not playing each other.
29:21Oh, and don't forget to vote.
29:22What?
29:25I have a very good friend here,
29:29Nicola.
29:30If you are stuck with it.
29:31Now, I have a very good friend.
29:32I wish I had a great friend on the left.
29:33I didn't say so.
29:34I can make it so.
29:35I could leave you in a row.
29:36I will see it somewhere.
29:37I can make it.
29:39I can make it.
29:40I will see you in a row.
29:41I will see in a row.
29:42I can make it so.
29:43I can make it.
29:44I could make it.
29:45I can make it!
29:46I'm gonna wait for read my man because I did.
29:47I can make it.
29:48What a thankful is for my man.
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