- 7 months ago
Original Broadcast Date: August 23rd 2017
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Well, he's got a Dorothy Dixter to ask the PM, then he's doing a presser.
00:05Look, he could pre-record with Lee at five.
00:08Oh, no.
00:09Oh, sorry, he's got that audit.
00:10That's probably them now.
00:12No, sorry, they're doing that sit-ins and shimper audit thing this afternoon.
00:17Papers, please?
00:19The Minister's not in.
00:20Ah, where is he?
00:22I've told you, he's not here.
00:23Why are you persecuting us?
00:24I'm not persecuting you.
00:25I want to know where he is.
00:27Can I help you, please?
00:28Yes, I'm here for the citizenship audit.
00:31I need to see the Minister's papers immediately, please.
00:34I'll get his passport.
00:35If you'll just wait here.
00:37Time wait for no man, Mrs Lady.
00:40This is audit to ensure the Parliament is comprised only of those fit and eligible to represent Australians who have voted for them.
00:50Was ist das?
00:52This says it is Polish.
00:54It's boot Polish.
00:55The Minister occasionally cleans his shoes.
00:59It says here that it is white.
01:01The Minister is from Queensland.
01:03Personally, I have nothing against foreigners.
01:09Chris Watson, George Reid, Andrew Fisher, Joseph Cook and Billy Hughes all had both British and Australian nationalities, yet it did not prevent them from being our Prime Ministers.
01:18This book, Herr Oberst, it's full of gobbledygook.
01:21I can't make head nor tail of it.
01:22What is this book?
01:25It's Hansard.
01:27Have it burned immediately.
01:28If it were up to me, we would all live in a free, multicultural world.
01:35But that is not what our forefathers wanted for us.
01:38What is this?
01:39Is this a burqa?
01:41No, it's a Darth Vader costume.
01:43Peter Dutton left it in here when he was hiding from George Brandis the other day.
01:46He's still angry about losing ASIO.
01:48I see.
01:49Ach, God in Himmel.
01:51Hold the phone a moment.
01:53What is this here?
01:54Scotch fingers, Turkish delight and Monte Carlos.
01:59They're just for visitors.
02:01The Minister only eats Anzacs.
02:03Anzacs?
02:04The Anzacs are half Australian and half New Zealander.
02:08The Minister is not from New Zealand.
02:12His parents were not born in New Zealand
02:14and he has no connection with or allegiance to New Zealand.
02:16Sir!
02:22It's enough to make you mad as heel.
02:24It's enough to make you mad as heel.
02:54Well, now I don't blame Laurie Oakes for resigning last week.
03:04You spend 50 years trying to cover politics in this country
03:08and it turns out you've been using the mattress protector from the kids' room.
03:12Now, Laurie sat through more parliamentary sittings than I've had hot dinners.
03:15In fact, I'll go further than that.
03:17Laurie sat through more parliamentary sittings than he's had hot dinners.
03:21But last week was too much for him
03:23and what's too much for Laurie should be too much for all of us.
03:25My only explanation for the bizarre goings-on in Canberra lately
03:30is that Parliament House must have been built on an old cemetery.
03:34And they only move the headstones.
03:38We've had dead politicians thinking they're alive.
03:41Labor trying to suspend standing orders to perform some sort of exorcism.
03:45Foreign ministers blaming other countries for the nationality of their colleagues.
03:50Which is technically true, I suppose.
03:53But there are things that in a normal, rational world don't make any sense at all.
03:57Like Corey Bernardi coming across as reasonable.
04:01With his suggestion that we pirogue Parliament
04:04until this citizenship thing is sorted out.
04:08Pirogue.
04:10Pirogue, yes.
04:11Yes, it's a nice word, isn't it?
04:13Pirogue, yes.
04:15Pirogue, I've been pirogued.
04:19It just means suspended.
04:20But suspend is not quite as nice a word, is it, Corey?
04:25No.
04:26I quite agree, yes.
04:28Pirogue is so much more pleasurable to say, isn't it, Corey?
04:32Yes.
04:34Yes, I know.
04:36Also, we shouldn't forget our Attorney-General, George Brandis,
04:40who dramatically exposed another politician
04:42for wearing a sheet over herself
04:44and trying to scare people into voting a certain way in the Senate chamber.
04:48And she would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for George.
04:51But as is often the case,
04:54the big picture is missed when you try and look at things too closely.
04:58So let's deal with all these things glibly
05:00and in a language that we can all understand.
05:02That's right, a little bit of much-needed and ill-informed plain-speaking.
05:09Now, despite the whole citizenship fiasco,
05:12which is an Italian word, apparently, I had no idea.
05:16I thought it was Australian.
05:17My mother introduced me to it.
05:19Naughty, mother, naughty!
05:23Despite all that, the manager of government business, Christopher Pyne,
05:26has explained to us all very clearly
05:28why we should still have confidence in the Constitution and the government.
05:31This government is the adult in the room.
05:34But the question...
05:35The question is, is that adult entitled to be in that room?
05:39And that will depend on the High Court's decision
05:41on the Member for New...
05:42I'm sorry, New England.
05:45Sorry, easy mistake to make.
05:46Uh, Barnaby Joyce and the, uh, the questions around his...
05:50Citizenship.
05:54Or, if you prefer, citizenship.
05:57But as our alleged government has pointed out,
05:59the big issue here is not whether our possible government
06:01is an actual government, it's how this information was uncovered.
06:05And the Coalition has accused New Zealand Labor
06:07of colluding with the Australian Labor Party.
06:09It's even warning it might not be able to work with
06:12a future Labor government in Wellington.
06:14And that's not because the Coalition couldn't trust them,
06:16but because the Coalition might not be able to form a government anymore.
06:20Foreign Minister Julie Bishop went, uh, as far to say,
06:23the Australian Labor Party set up the New Zealand government.
06:27Presumably as practice of setting up an Australian one.
06:31In response, Christopher Pyne has given them both barrels.
06:34Sorry, given them both barrels.
06:38Clearly the Labor Party are involved in a conspiracy,
06:42uh, using a foreign government, in this case New Zealand,
06:45to try and bring down the Australian government.
06:47Presumably by arranging for Barnaby Joyce's grandfather
06:49to impregnate Barnaby Joyce's grandmother.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:52Giving birth to Barnaby Joyce's father in New Zealand
06:56about 90 years ago.
06:57Now, that is forward planning.
06:59It's, uh...
07:00No wonder Labor wants to extend parliamentary terms
07:02beyond three years.
07:04Now, Barnaby has issued an apology of sorts
07:06for all the trouble he's caused
07:08in the form of this video put together by his staff.
07:11Australia is a wonderful island
07:12with a treasure trove in people.
07:14It has to be protected.
07:16When you disrespect Australian law,
07:18they will tell you firmly.
07:20Protecting Australia is important.
07:23Declare everything when you enter Australia.
07:24LAUGHTER
07:25And, uh, while Barnaby's been under siege,
07:29he's personally been very grateful
07:30for the support he's received.
07:31It's an auspicious day, unfortunately,
07:33when you see yourself on the front page
07:35of every paper in the nation.
07:37And I just want to say to the people of New England,
07:39thank you so much for your support.
07:42I've been overwhelmed, completely humbled,
07:44by the people coming into the office,
07:46ringing up, contacting me.
07:48And, of course, this issue will go to the High Court
07:51and they'll deliberate over it there.
07:53What I can say is that the advice that we've received
07:58from the Independent Statutory Solicitor,
08:00the Solicitor-General,
08:02is that we have a very firm case.
08:04And by reason of that,
08:06I'll continue on my work,
08:07continue working as hard as I can for you.
08:09That's what you pay me to do.
08:10Yes, it's always a good idea to subtitle what Barnaby says.
08:16But I'd like to say something, too, if I may.
08:20I just want to say to the people of Australia,
08:23thank you for your support.
08:25I've been completely overwhelmed by office staff
08:27coming into the office
08:28while I'm trying to write the show.
08:30It's so annoying.
08:30But I will continue on my work,
08:33continue working as hard as I can for you.
08:37That's what you pay me to do.
08:38That's the only reason I do it.
08:41I have no interest in current affairs or performing.
08:44It's purely a mercenary arrangement.
08:46So thank you.
08:52Now, the good thing about being a dual nationals national leader
08:56is that you're never alone.
08:58Deputy leader Fiona Nash is also a dual citizen
09:00because her father is Scottish.
09:02It seems like the nationals are being taken from us
09:05like water from the Murray-Darling Basin.
09:08Senator Nash released this statement on her Facebook page.
09:12I've got this feeling inside my bones
09:15that I was not legitimately elected.
09:26But I think if the Nats are going to be straight,
09:28with us, their choice of background music
09:30on their Facebook videos
09:31should be more accurately reflecting their actual background.
09:35As you all know,
09:36I think you'll all agree.
09:38Matthew Cannon is a person of exemplary character.
09:43And...
09:44Great to be here at the Cannonball Mine site.
09:46A few kilometres over my shoulder
09:48is where the mine will actually be.
09:51And further...
09:51Today I announce the Coalition Government's plan
09:55for decentralisation out into the regions.
10:00But it's not just dual citizenship
10:02that threatens the futures of some MPs.
10:04Automation does too.
10:06And because...
10:07All jobs that involve repetition are at risk.
10:09I do have some serious concerns for our Foreign Minister.
10:12Have you contacted anybody in the New Zealand Government
10:16or the High Commissioner...
10:17I maintain constant contact with my colleagues in New Zealand.
10:20Have you maintained...
10:20This morning, though?
10:21Do you maintain any contact with Scotland?
10:23I maintain constant contact with my colleagues in New Zealand.
10:26But nothing this morning...
10:27I maintain constant contact with my colleagues in New Zealand.
10:31Yep, she's gone.
10:33Now, Julie has blamed Penny Wong's staffer,
10:36hence Penny Wong, hence the Labor Party,
10:38for digging up the Deputy PM's citizenship from across the ditch.
10:41But New Zealand's Interior Minister,
10:43which I assume, judging from this footage,
10:45means interior designer and antiques expert...
10:47..maintains it was Australian journalists' questions
10:51that prompted the citizenship inquiry.
10:53Nonetheless, the New Zealanders must...
10:55..must be having a grand old time laughing at us,
10:58considering their Prime Minister is English.
11:00LAUGHTER
11:01Many have been wondering why Malcolm Turnbull
11:07seems so desperate to keep Barnaby Joyce on
11:09as Deputy Prime Minister,
11:11given that he's become such a political liability.
11:14Labor backbatcher Joel Fitzgibbon, though,
11:15has done some digging of his own
11:17and reported the shocking truth on RN Breakfast.
11:19I think you'll find that Barnaby Joyce
11:21is literally holding a gun to the head of the Prime Minister.
11:25LAUGHTER
11:25Literally holding a gun to the head of the Prime Minister.
11:30Wow.
11:31Now, I know these joint party room meetings can get pretty heated,
11:34but I wouldn't have thought that was allowed
11:36under Coalition guidelines.
11:38Still, I guess if Barnaby had the numbers,
11:40then he has just as much right to hold a gun to Malcolm's head
11:42as the right faction did when they got him
11:44to compromise his principles on same-sex marriage,
11:46renewable energy and climate policy.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49Oh, no, please.
11:51Oh, no.
11:53Anyway.
11:53Anyway, tomorrow's the big day we start finding out
11:57from these guys whether Matt's Italian,
12:00Fiona's Scottish, Nick's British, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
12:03The really big one for me, though,
12:04is what exactly One Nation Senator Malcolm Roberts is,
12:08because I think it'd be a very, very brave full bench
12:10of the High Court to counter this unequivocal declaration
12:13from the Senator of his nationality.
12:15I have always thought that I was British...
12:17..that I was Australian.
12:18Always thought that I was Australian.
12:20LAUGHTER
12:20Spoke in the I-4, Senator Roberts, Cindy Goe-Hiley.
12:27Isn't it the case that Malcolm knew he had dual citizenship
12:30when he put his name on the One Nation ticket,
12:32had no idea it made him ineligible
12:34under Section 44 of the Constitution,
12:36found out later that it did
12:37and that he's been trying to fudge the dates ever since?
12:40LAUGHTER
12:41Is there somebody else I could talk to?
12:44Perhaps as chief strategist of the One Nation Party,
12:47Sean, I can be of some assistance.
12:49Right.
12:49Yes, yes, I'm just...
12:50I'm just wondering how aware Senator Roberts is.
12:53Well, I can vouch for him being a sentient being.
12:55LAUGHTER
12:56Really?
12:57Oh, yes.
12:57We have strict party protocols at One Nation
12:59and it is essential that before you become a member
13:02and start paying your dues
13:03and purchasing our grossly overpriced printed materials,
13:06that you prove to us that you have consciousness.
13:09LAUGHTER
13:09So if you're a tree or a slab of some sort of impervious rock,
13:14then you almost definitely won't be permitted to join.
13:18What about Rod Culleton?
13:19He was the exception that proves the rule, Sean.
13:21The reason I ask is that Senator Roberts
13:24actually said this collection of words last week
13:26about Rupert Murdoch
13:26and I couldn't make any sense of them
13:28in the order that he used them.
13:30Murdoch is very, very savvy
13:31and what he's got is he's got outstanding newspapers,
13:34he's also got tabloids
13:36and what he does is he goes to the audience
13:38and so Murdoch's papers are actually more balanced than the ABC,
13:42more balanced than Fairfax and The Guardian
13:44and that shows in his circulation.
13:47Now, is he saying that the popularity of Murdoch's newspapers
13:52is because they are more editorially balanced?
13:54Yes.
13:55People love to read about things that they don't agree with,
13:57much in the same way that you and I would always go
14:00to a restaurant that served food that we don't like
14:02or go out with someone who we couldn't stand.
14:05People love to be challenged,
14:07particularly if they're paying for it.
14:09You see, I thought people bought Murdoch newspapers
14:11because it made them feel comfortable
14:13to have what they already thought they knew confirmed in print
14:15and because they like reading about football.
14:17No, that's the trouble with the ABC
14:19and Fairfax and The Guardian.
14:20They pander to their audience
14:22and that's why everybody hates them.
14:24Well, in that case,
14:25why does One Nation want to stop the ABC competing with Murdoch
14:28because it's hurting their business
14:29if Murdoch's papers are in fact doing so well
14:31that the ABC is no threat to them?
14:35And what does fair and balance really mean anyway?
14:38That other senator of yours, what's his name?
14:40Brian Burstyn.
14:41Brian Burstyn.
14:42He reckons an example would be
14:43giving the views of anti-vaxxers
14:45equal airtime on the ABC.
14:48I mean, that's not the ABC being fair and balanced,
14:50that's the ABC being some sort of free-for-all karaoke night
14:53where any atonal nutjob can come along
14:56and bleat into a microphone.
14:57There's got to be some editorial standards
14:59to measure the worth of things we broadcast.
15:01Granted, it's not terribly evident on this show,
15:03but surely, surely as a national broadcaster,
15:06there's some sort of gatekeeper role
15:07the ABC needs to perform in order to,
15:09and I hope this doesn't sound elitist,
15:11keep out the riff-raff.
15:13Well, I think that's more a question for Cindy.
15:15All right, then.
15:17Oh, my...
15:18God, she's eating a mouse!
15:22And coming up a little later on
15:24in the name of fairness and balance,
15:25someone who isn't eating a mouse,
15:27Weet-Bix Potter,
15:28from the Australian Institute of Allegories,
15:30talking about the Murray-Darling Basin thing.
15:33Well, Sean, it occurs to me
15:35that the Murray-Darling Basin plan
15:37is an embodiment of the Liberal Party's political philosophy.
15:41Those upstream get the water first,
15:44and those downstream just get whatever water trickles down after that.
15:48Interesting words.
15:50But if, as Senator Roberts says, the ABC...
15:52It's the gorilla in the room
15:54that is actually destroying some of the commercial output.
15:59What about...
15:59What about the elephant in the Senate chamber last Thursday?
16:03That dramatic moment when Pauline Hanson rose to her feet
16:06and pulled off her headdress to say...
16:08Yes, an amazing moment in Australian political history,
16:22I think you'll agree.
16:23And Pauline does have a point.
16:24If I can't walk into a bank wearing a motorcycle helmet or a balaclava,
16:28why am I allowed to if I'm wearing a burqa?
16:30Now, some might say that no-one in the small proportion
16:33of the population of Muslims in this country
16:35who are Arabic Muslim women
16:36who wear the burqa as ever tried to rob a bank.
16:39So is it really an issue?
16:41Others, like Corey Bernardi,
16:42say the burqa is a direct affront to our national values.
16:46Others, still, like Malcolm Roberts,
16:48say it's an affront to homosexuals.
16:50I don't know, though.
16:52I reckon these little blue numbers
16:53would look amazeballs on a Mardi Gras float.
16:56But you object to the banning of the burqa
16:58for different reasons, don't you, career criminal Dudley Spratt?
17:02Yeah, that's right, Sean.
17:03I mean, obviously, I can't rock up to the local comm bank
17:05looking like this.
17:06Oh, I reckon you probably could.
17:07No, the burqa's really the only chance I've got to get in there,
17:10knock off some decent lolly,
17:12and plus I can secrete whatever I need to up the road.
17:17Disgusting.
17:18Yeah, I never hadn't even thought of robbing a bank in a burqa
17:21till Pauline gave me the idea.
17:24Can I say thanks?
17:25Sure.
17:25Yeah.
17:26Thanks, Pauline.
17:27I reckon you're doing great things for this country.
17:31Of course, not everybody wants to take advantage
17:33of our religious freedom laws
17:34by robbing a bank in a burqa.
17:36What about those who want to wear a crash helmet
17:38into a bank because of their religion?
17:40Pleasure, we're importers Basil and Celia McGrissel.
17:43I understand you've established a new church.
17:46Yes, the Church of Basil and Celia McGrissel.
17:49And its core beliefs?
17:50Well, there's only one,
17:51and that is that the face should be covered at all times
17:54by a motorcycle helmet.
17:56And are there any other McGrisselians apart from you two?
17:59Oh, yes, we have several members here and interstate.
18:02Oh, right.
18:02And what sort of people are you attracting to your church so far?
18:06Principally bank robbers, I'd have to say.
18:08But, you know, we are a church of redemption
18:10and we welcome sinners.
18:12And simply because a rogue element in our church
18:15misuses our religious garment
18:16doesn't mean the majority of peaceful McGrisselians
18:19shouldn't be allowed to go about their business.
18:23Such as riding motorcycles?
18:24No, that's prohibited by the church teaching.
18:28And will you follow the lead of the Catholic Church
18:31and sack any of your staff who marry their same-sex partner?
18:34Not if they keep their helmets on.
18:37Thank you, Basil, and thank you, Celia.
18:39So how did it make other senators in the chamber feel?
18:42Well, it was a shock.
18:43As you can imagine.
18:45You know, one minute you think you're just looking at a Muslim woman
18:47and next, oh, my Christ, it's Pauline Hanson!
18:51Although, in that moment when Ms Hanson revealed herself,
18:54shock might have been not the only thing Mr Bernardi felt,
18:58if you get my meaning.
18:59My heart skipped a beat.
19:02Yes, I know!
19:05Well, like me, though, Corey has an eye
19:07for the absurdity of politics
19:08and had this deliciously piquant observation
19:11about the whole thing.
19:12I found it interesting.
19:15The very people who are condemning Pauline Hanson
19:17for wearing what she wore today
19:20are the same people who will defend
19:22the right of women to choose what they want to wear.
19:26Clearly, they've got double standards.
19:30In fact, to take Corey's point even further,
19:33I find it interesting that the very people
19:35who want to ban the burqa, a religious garment,
19:37are the same people who defend traditional marriage
19:39on the basis of religious freedom.
19:41Clearly, they've got double standards.
19:43Actually, if I can take Corey's logic
19:45even a little bit more further,
19:46I find it interesting that Corey attacks
19:48double standards for burqas,
19:50but not double standards for marriage.
19:51Clearly, he's got double standards about double standards.
20:01Or quadruple standards, if you will.
20:03For me, I take what Pauline did as a mark of respect.
20:08In sport, there's a great tradition that after a game,
20:11participants, as a kind of post-battle salute,
20:14wear the clothing of their opponent.
20:16Sadly, of course, this does mean that somewhere in Canberra,
20:19there's a Muslim woman possibly wearing this.
20:21Well, it wouldn't be a half-hour light entertainment program
20:27here on the ABC
20:28if we didn't spend some of their half-hour
20:30cross-promoting some other ABC program.
20:33Well, I'd like to know what's getting about the motion.
20:37Yes, I'd like to know what's getting about the motion.
20:43Fellas, nice to see you.
20:45OK.
20:45Well, the boys from Aunty Donna have joined us now
20:47to spruik their latest ABC iView production.
20:50It's called The Knuckleheads,
20:52and it sounds fantastic, guys.
20:53What's it all about?
20:54Well, Sean, we play three guys living in a house
20:57and we get up to all sorts of adventures.
21:00OK.
21:01Well, let's have a look at a clip from the first episode.
21:04Hey, boys, old man Needlemire's house is on fire.
21:19Well, tell me, keep it going, 20 minutes.
21:21I'm on a roll here.
21:22You're on a roll.
21:23So is this pickle.
21:24It's a pickle sandwich.
21:26Hi-ya.
21:27Mwah!
21:29OK.
21:29Well, so it's a bit like the Three Stooges.
21:32It premieres...
21:33Mate, sorry, hold on.
21:35What did you mean by that?
21:38By what?
21:39A crack about the Three Stooges?
21:40No, it wasn't a crack.
21:41I just meant...
21:42Not fucking original enough for you, are we, Colbert?
21:44No, I just meant that as a good thing.
21:46Oh, yeah, you meant your accusation of plagiarism as a compliment, yeah.
21:50You know, I've never even heard of these Three Stooges, mate.
21:53Oh, fuck off, McAuliffe!
21:56Well, I've got to know what's scary about promotion.
22:00Yes, I've got to know what's scary about promotion.
22:03You know this man as former ABC News 24 finance expert Lenny Milk.
22:12But did you also know that Lenny came fifth
22:14in a high school papier-mâché competition when he was 14?
22:18Now he's combining a craft he loves
22:20with the process of being filmed doing it.
22:23Wow.
22:23And some of Australia's most available celebrities.
22:27Would you mind talking for 15 minutes while the glue sets?
22:30Oh.
22:31Oh, wow!
22:32Oh, my God!
22:33That's fully sick, bro!
22:35Lenny Milk's Pay for Your View,
22:37commencing soon on ABC and Ideate.
22:41Jane Hutchins sits down with some fascinating folks...
22:44Welcome to One Plus One.
22:46G'day.
22:46..to find out what connects us.
22:48I was just one of those kids that didn't fit in
22:50because of my dorsal fin.
22:52It was a huge weight off my shoulders
22:55when I told my family that I eat human flesh.
22:58You know, I never wanted to be an actor,
23:00and, um, I'm not.
23:01I'm a fencing contractor.
23:03Man, what inspires us?
23:05I always wanted to be Shane Warne,
23:07but so far I haven't been.
23:09It's hard while he is.
23:10One Plus One, Sunday on ABC News.
23:14Scientifically Bankrupt.
23:18Biased.
23:20Ridiculous.
23:22Completely wrong.
23:24Catalyst.
23:25Tuesday, 8.30.
23:29Now, the media reform bill could soon pass through the Senate
23:32if it ends up being backed by the Nick Xenophon team.
23:36Now, this will depend partly on whether the Nick Xenophon team's
23:39Nick Xenophon is still part of the Nick Xenophon team.
23:41But he's not been that keen
23:42because the media reform bill
23:44has already received the backing
23:45of Pauline Hanson's One Nation's Pauline Hanson
23:47on the condition that it be legislated
23:49that the ABC must be fair and balanced.
23:52Well, we've heard why from Malcolm Roberts,
23:54but why does Pauline feel the need for this?
23:56I think that the shows they've actually have,
24:00even on myself and One Nation,
24:02it was not fair and it was not balanced
24:05what they've actually put across with it,
24:07and some of it as well.
24:11She makes a good point.
24:15So, let's have a look at the sort of thing
24:18that they've actually put across with it
24:20and some of it as well.
24:22The ABC's National Affairs correspondent, Greg Jennett,
24:25was asked why George Brandis' smackdown of Pauline
24:27was so warmly embraced.
24:29Tell me if you can see anything unfair or unbalanced
24:31in this perfectly neutral answer.
24:33For once, somebody called out outrageous conduct for what it is.
24:38OK, outrageous is perhaps a little editorial.
24:41He simply spoke firmly and directly against a miscreant.
24:46All right, miscreant might be a tad strong.
24:49Enough people of common sense and goodwill
24:52were prepared to unite behind him.
24:54All right, now, Greg's probably not the best example.
24:57Andrew Proibon's a better one.
24:59What Pauline Hanson did today was despicable and shameful.
25:05We're fucked.
25:08Now, Pauline...
25:11Now, Pauline also wants to see the names of everyone at the ABC
25:19earning over $200,000 a year.
25:22And that's a fair figure, I think,
25:24because it's about how much she took out
25:26of the now-defunct United Australia Party,
25:28loaned to One Nation to run its campaign and was repaid.
25:32And I'm sure, coincidentally, was what she ended up getting
25:35as a windfall after her failed Queensland campaign in 2005.
25:39She's probably curious to find out what someone has to do
25:41to earn that kind of money
25:42instead of just getting given it by the AEC for doing nothing.
25:46Now, me, I have nothing to worry about.
25:49Since I started working here,
25:50the ABC have been paying me in second-hand asbestos,
25:53broken dreams and all the mushrooms
25:57I find growing in my ensuite.
25:59But I am, like Pauline, curious
26:00as to what my enemies here are earning.
26:03So tonight, as part of our 74-part investigation
26:06to find out how much we waste,
26:08mad as hell's Tosh Greenslade
26:10has broken into Tony Jones' garage
26:12to rummage through his things.
26:13Are you there, Tosh?
26:15Sean, I'm standing here in what Tony Jones
26:17would foppishly refer to as his garage,
26:19but what you and I and all right-thinking Australians
26:22would refer to as a common or garden shed.
26:24And it's here that I hope to uncover
26:26exactly what the Senate committee couldn't.
26:28How much does Tony so-called Jones earn?
26:32All right, is it, Tosh, is it a lot?
26:34Now, you'd think that someone like Tony Jones,
26:36or indeed Tony Jones himself,
26:37would be a little bit more careful
26:39about what he spends this mysterious income of his on.
26:42But no, apparently when he's not sitting about
26:44on his so-called chair on his $1,200 or so Q&A set,
26:48asking a lot of hard-working politicians
26:50a bunch of fucking impertinent questions,
26:52he squandered his cash on something as frivolous as these.
26:56It's not bad enough that he's blowing almost $5
26:58on so-called home-brand soda water.
27:00He completely ignores the fact that these empties
27:02are refundable in South Australia for 10 cents each.
27:06He's sitting on these bottles for some reason.
27:12Oh, I see what you mean.
27:13Yes, yes, yes.
27:14Well, I'm sure the authorities will be very interested
27:16to hear that, Tosh.
27:17Thank you very much indeed.
27:19But time now for our special report
27:20from National Affairs correspondent Colleen Forhead.
27:23It's not often that ASIO headquarters
27:27are thrown open to the public
27:28and today is no exception.
27:31I can't get in.
27:33Sean?
27:35Thank you, Colleen.
27:36Well, not coming up because Utopia's on next.
27:39Government shown up by elevator
27:42which thinks twice about taking Barnaby Joyce.
27:45Dick Smith prepares to release the Kraken.
27:48And Reserve Bank Governor makes good point.
27:52Banks should not be doing money laundering.
27:56Well, something to muse on until next we meet.
27:58The Catholic Church, it seems, isn't quite so Catholic
28:00when it comes to the LGBTI community,
28:03with the church threatening to dismiss staff
28:04who marry same-sex partners.
28:06That seems a bit severe.
28:08Why not just move them to another parish?
28:10Goodbye.
28:16Giant baby.
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