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00:00Decided to let it go.
00:02And following the footsteps of my comedic brothers, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence.
00:06They don't have Oscars either, but they make millions of dollars making crap.
00:09And I can barely put fuel in my jet.
00:12Well, no more.
00:14After all, I can be funny too.
00:16Remember Heart Condition?
00:20Yeah.
00:21I hope you'll all come and see me in my new film,
00:23in which I go undercover as a sorority house mother in Huge Mama Fatso.
00:27Here's a preview.
00:33Huge Mama Fatso, we're here!
00:39As God is my witness,
00:41I promise to do everything I can into fooling these young women
00:44into thinking I'm not an undercover narcotics agent.
00:46But rather their sorority house mother.
00:49Huge Mama Fatso.
00:51And be funnier.
00:54It's showtime.
00:57My, my, my.
01:05If it isn't the sorority girls that live here in the sorority house.
01:08Come over here so Huge Mama Fatso, which is me,
01:12can get a good look at you.
01:13Oh.
01:14Hmm.
01:15Hmm.
01:16Oh, Huge Mama Fatso, I've missed you so much.
01:20Hmm.
01:20Hmm.
01:20Hmm.
01:23Huge Mama Fatso, what are you doing?
01:25Well, I was just trying to sample some of that chocolate ass of yours.
01:29Well, let me explain in a comedic way.
01:33See, everybody's got an ass,
01:34but every ass is not as fine as yours.
01:37Or Rosa Parks,
01:38who had the courage to sit hers down in the front of that bus.
01:41Your ass brings up emotions in me.
01:43For it is only through courage and commitment
01:45to strive for what is right,
01:47no matter the sacrifice,
01:49that defines me as a man.
01:51Which I'm not.
01:53Huge Mama Fatso.
01:54That's who I am.
01:57Huge Mama Fatso,
01:58you are so crazy.
02:01And funny, too.
02:09Ooh, Huge Mama Fatso,
02:11excuse yourself?
02:12Excuse yourself, young lady.
02:14You need to learn something.
02:16Something about freedom.
02:18Freedom is like a cool breeze on a warm summer night.
02:21Freedom is everyone's right.
02:23Like my forefathers who lived in slavery
02:25so we could all be free.
02:26Unlike Martin Luther King,
02:27who marched for freedom for all of us.
02:31Swing button those pants, ladies.
02:33Let that freedom ring.
02:38That's right.
02:39Let that freedom ring.
02:41Let it ring from here to the mountaintop.
02:43Good God Almighty,
02:45we are free at last.
02:48You know that,
02:49so you are so funny.
02:51That's what I've been trying to tell them.
02:56Now that's got to at least
03:01win an American Comedy Award.
03:03Or a BET Award.
03:04Or a Source Award.
03:06Damn, even that low-rent fool Chris Tucker
03:08won a Blockbuster Award.
03:10Therefore, I implore all of you,
03:13brothers and sisters,
03:15do what is just.
03:16Do what you know is right.
03:18See Denzel in huge Mama Fatso.
03:21Hey there, it's Alex Borstein,
03:32and I'm here with Lance Bass.
03:34We're talking about your new movie,
03:35On the Line.
03:36First, I just want to thank you so much
03:37for chatting with me.
03:39Hey, no problem.
03:40I'm like a chatty Cathy, my nism.
03:42Oh, okay.
03:45So, Lance, tell me,
03:46what was it like making a big Hollywood movie?
03:48Oh, it was fly.
03:50Getting paid freak-tastic cash
03:52to make out with my co-star,
03:54Emmanuel Cheeky.
03:56Cheeky.
03:57Cheeky.
03:57Cheeky.
03:58It was way dope.
03:59So there were a lot of sparks
04:00between you two?
04:01Oh, most deaf, most deaf.
04:04Some days we didn't really shoot,
04:06we were so busy getting busy.
04:07Hey, guys.
04:11What's going on?
04:13Uh, um, I'm, I'm doing an interview.
04:17Who the hell are you?
04:19I'm Lance Bass.
04:21That's funny,
04:22because I thought I was Lance Bass.
04:24That is, that is funny.
04:26Lance Bass, nice to meet you.
04:27I'm Lance Bass.
04:29You know, Will.
04:30Who's Will?
04:31Will.
04:32I'm Lance Bass.
04:33Who's this Will guy?
04:34Uh, okay.
04:36Who do you tour with?
04:37I'm, I'm in the, uh,
04:39the popular singing group,
04:41NSYNC.
04:42Maybe you've heard of them.
04:43That's funny,
04:43because I thought I was in NSYNC.
04:46You, you might be.
04:47I don't know.
04:48I've noticed from you there,
04:49but, um, there's,
04:50there's a lot of them.
04:51Us, there's, there's a lot of us.
04:53Uh-huh.
04:53And if, if you're in NSYNC,
04:54so, tell me,
04:55what are the other guys' names?
04:57I don't, I don't think
04:58they'd be comfortable with me
04:59sharing anything.
05:00Just between us Lance Bass's.
05:02Just tell me.
05:04Okay, well, there's, uh,
05:05um,
05:06J, uh,
05:08Jumpy.
05:09And, um,
05:10Jimmy.
05:12Mm-hmm.
05:12And, um,
05:13uh, Carl.
05:16And, uh,
05:17Lance Bass.
05:18And me.
05:19Hey, how about this, guys?
05:20How about I interview
05:21the both of you?
05:23Fine.
05:24Hey, that sounds fly-diggity-fresh.
05:25Okay.
05:26Go ahead.
05:26So, when this Lance came in,
05:30I was already talking to this Lance
05:32about, uh, your co-star.
05:34And you said that you made out
05:35all the time.
05:36I never made out all the time.
05:38I never made out with all the time.
05:40Okay.
05:41Um, so, that's fine.
05:42Then, but you got along well.
05:44I mean, you had a good working relationship.
05:46She was cool.
05:47She was great.
05:47I mean, I think she's a
05:48wonderful actress.
05:51Kayla,
05:51I think you guys can do this
05:53much better without me.
05:54Enjoy each other.
05:55Okay, bye, Alex.
05:56Yeah, bye.
05:56Nice meeting you today.
05:57Oh, jeez.
06:00This is freaky.
06:01Yeah.
06:02Dude.
06:03Hey.
06:03Likewise.
06:04What's going on?
06:06Hey, look.
06:06It's my co-star,
06:08my bootylicious co-star
06:10from my movie
06:11on the line.
06:13Hi, Emmanuel.
06:13Emmanuel.
06:14Shriek.
06:15Shriek.
06:16Shrieky.
06:17Hi.
06:17Hi, Lance.
06:18Hi.
06:18Um, who's this guy?
06:20He says he's the real Lance Bass.
06:22Uh-huh.
06:22Because I am.
06:23Really?
06:24Uh-huh.
06:25And, um, he also says, um,
06:27that you guys made out
06:28a lot on the set.
06:30Uh-huh.
06:30Would you, um,
06:31like to demonstrate
06:32on how y'all made out
06:34all the time on the set?
06:36Sure.
06:37Uh.
06:37I'd like to see this.
06:37Step aside,
06:38you whack perpetrator.
06:40Yeah, but that would be
06:42in your dreams.
06:44That's right.
06:44The real Lance Bass
06:47would be more like this.
06:50Yes.
06:51Sweet your hot out.
06:53Okay, Lance.
06:55Number two.
06:57Oh, so close.
06:58Did you see that?
06:59Yeah.
06:59Oh, man.
07:00All right.
07:01It's MAD-TV.
07:09Starring...
07:10Grant Horstie.
07:14You're so crazy.
07:16Crazy.
07:19Andrew Daly.
07:23You're so crazy.
07:24You're so crazy.
07:25You're so crazy.
07:26You're so crazy.
07:27Andrew Daly.
07:28Will Sasso.
07:32Barry Spears.
07:36Stephanie Weir.
07:41Deborah Wilson.
07:44Featuring Catherine Fiore.
07:46And Bobby Lee.
07:48Guest-starring Lance Bass
07:50and Joey Patong.
07:51I don't know what you want
07:52to do.
07:52I don't know what you want
07:52to do.
07:53Thank you so much
07:58for picking me up.
07:59My car breaks down
08:00on the side of the road
08:01and no one is willing
08:02to stop and help me.
08:04You know, I would hate
08:04to think that it had
08:05anything to do with racism,
08:06but, uh, I don't know.
08:08It had made me wonder
08:09after the 100th car
08:10passed me by.
08:12You know, that's pretty sad,
08:14huh?
08:19Not as sad as being
08:20Middle Eastern in America,
08:22I think it is.
08:23I can't imagine what you must
08:44be going through right now,
08:45but it's obvious to me
08:46that you're very patriotic.
08:48Hell yes, lady.
08:50USA all the way,
08:52all the time,
08:53always.
08:56So how long have you
08:57been in this country?
08:5819 years.
08:59I'm a citizen.
09:00Legal.
09:01Look, look, look.
09:02Here, I have my green card,
09:04my social security card,
09:06my blockbuster frequent
09:07rental car.
09:08I love this country.
09:10Favorite movie,
09:12America's Sweetheart.
09:13Favorite television show,
09:15Love American style.
09:16Favorite newspaper,
09:18USA Today.
09:19I love this country.
09:20Do you want me to go on?
09:21Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
09:22Please, you don't have
09:23to convince me.
09:24Oh, yes, I do, lady.
09:26I have to convince everybody
09:28all the time, always.
09:30But I don't mind.
09:32I don't mind at all.
09:33I love this country.
09:35I love it.
09:38My wife and I,
09:39we are expecting a baby.
09:40If it is a boy,
09:41we are going to name it
09:42Benjamin Franklin.
09:43If it is a girl,
09:45Bonnie Franklin.
09:47I bet I know more
09:48about this country
09:49than you do.
09:50Well, I don't,
09:50I don't know about that.
09:52Do you know the preamble
09:53to the Constitution?
09:54Do you?
09:56Actually, I do.
09:58Then let's do it,
09:59do it, brown sugar.
10:02We, the people,
10:03in order to form
10:04a more perfect union,
10:06establish justice,
10:07ensure domestic tranquility,
10:09provide for the common defense,
10:10promote the general welfare,
10:12and secure the blessings
10:13of liberty for ourselves
10:15and our posterity,
10:17do ordain and establish
10:18this Constitution
10:19for the United States
10:20of America.
10:21High five.
10:22All right.
10:25Woo!
10:26A great hug.
10:28Wow, you know what?
10:29You are all right,
10:30Mofaz.
10:30You really are.
10:31And I'm glad you're in this country.
10:33I'm glad you love this country.
10:34You know,
10:34it just so happens
10:35that I have a lot of friends
10:36that are Muslim.
10:37So do I,
10:37but I am not Muslim.
10:39To me,
10:40Mohammed is a boxer.
10:42I was raised
10:43without religion.
10:44You know what I worship now?
10:46What?
10:46Television.
10:48My Bible is TV Guide.
10:50I can't help it.
10:51I love this stuff.
10:53I care about
10:54who is the father
10:54of Rachel's baby on Fred.
10:56Oh.
10:57I believe the love
10:59between Niles and Daphne
11:00is real.
11:01I believe it.
11:02This is what I do.
11:03You know,
11:03I think Scrubs
11:04is going to be a hit.
11:05My husband and I,
11:08you know,
11:08we really don't watch television
11:09on the weekends.
11:10You know,
11:10we kind of feel like
11:11it gets in the way
11:12of our sex life.
11:13You know what gets in the way
11:15of my sex life?
11:16What?
11:16My wife.
11:19Mofaz,
11:20I think she doesn't want
11:21to have sex with you
11:22because she's pregnant.
11:23Oh, no.
11:24She has sex, all right.
11:26Just not with me.
11:27You see,
11:28my wife loves this country
11:30in her own special way.
11:32She has sex
11:33with our congressman.
11:34Well,
11:35I guess it's nice
11:36to know that our government
11:37is doing something
11:38to help comfort people.
11:40Sure.
11:40I support the American government
11:42whatever it wants to do.
11:44They want to attack
11:44Osama bin Laden.
11:45I say,
11:46do it to it,
11:46Uncle Sam.
11:47Kick ass.
11:50I kick Osama bin Laden's ass,
11:52too.
11:52Every day in my bathroom,
11:54I take a picture of him.
11:55I put a bullseye target on it.
11:57I put it in the toilet.
11:58I sit down
11:58and I do my own form of
12:00how you say
12:02hello, hello, hello.
12:05I call it biological warfare.
12:08No, you really are
12:09a good American.
12:11Tell your friends.
12:12Tell all your friends
12:13all the time, always.
12:15Email it.
12:16Sky write it.
12:17Tell them all.
12:18Tell them,
12:19I love this country.
12:20I love this country.
12:21Please, please tell them
12:23I love this country.
12:23All right, all right.
12:25Oh, thank you so much, Mofaz.
12:28No problem.
12:29You know what?
12:30As a woman of color,
12:31I can really sympathize
12:32with what you're going through.
12:33But at the same time,
12:35I have to believe
12:36that deep down inside,
12:37people are really good.
12:39Aside from Jerry Falwell,
12:41I agree.
12:44All I can say is
12:45amen to that.
12:47Please, no,
12:47I'm not religious.
12:48No, please.
12:49Please go.
12:50Please go.
12:52You don't feel blue.
12:54You don't feel sad.
12:55You don't feel depressed,
12:56upset, or even slightly mad.
12:58Cause you had a chat
12:59with an even sadder cat
13:01than you prospered
13:02for your tow truck, man.
13:04I love this country.
13:06I love it.
13:07Liz?
13:16Liz?
13:17Liz Allen?
13:17Lori!
13:18Oh, my God!
13:20Lori Rika!
13:21Oh, my God!
13:34Lori Rika!
13:36Yeah!
13:36Oh, my God!
13:37Oh, my God!
13:38Oh, my God!
13:39Oh, my God!
13:40Oh, my God!
13:41Oh, my God!
13:41Oh, my God!
13:42Oh, my God!
13:42Oh, my God!
13:43Oh, my God!
13:43Oh, my God!
13:44Oh, my God!
13:44Oh, my God!
13:45Oh, my God!
13:45Oh, my God!
13:46Oh, my God!
13:46Oh, my God!
13:47Oh, my God!
13:47Oh, my God!
13:48Oh, my God!
13:48Oh, my God!
13:49Oh, my God!
13:49Oh, my God!
13:50Oh, my God!
13:50Oh, my God!
13:51Oh, my God!
13:52Oh, my God!
13:53Oh, my God!
13:54Oh, my God!
13:55Oh, my God!
13:56Oh, my God!
13:57Oh, my God.
14:14Oh, my God.
14:25I almost ordered without you.
14:27I ran into a girl from high school.
14:29Oh, my God. Liz, are you all right?
14:31Do you remember Lori Rika?
14:34Who?
14:35Oh, honey, the bully, the girl in high school who made my life a living hell.
14:40I've talked about her a million times.
14:42Oh, wait, is that the girl that used to bark at you?
14:44Yes, yes.
14:45She and her little clique would bark at me so that I could speak my native tongue,
14:51which I guess was supposed to mean I was a dog or something.
14:54I don't know, but anyway, I just, I ran into her in the bathroom.
14:58What did you say to her?
14:59I didn't say anything.
15:01Something just came over me, and I beat the crap out of her.
15:07You beat the crap out of her?
15:08I did.
15:09Liz, that's great.
15:12Oh, yes, that's great.
15:13I feel wonderful.
15:15I do.
15:15I feel like I have finally vindicated that pimply, overweight little girl that I was 15 years ago.
15:23I didn't know you were overweight.
15:25Oh, I was very heavy, yeah.
15:26Oh, yes.
15:27When I would turn around to sit in my desk, Laurie Rika would go, boop, boop, boop.
15:35No, no, don't.
15:36I'm sorry.
15:37Don't feel sorry for me because I feel vindicated.
15:41I feel like I have renewed faith in this world, you know?
15:44I want to celebrate.
15:46I do.
15:46Waiter.
15:47Waiter.
15:48Could we please get a bottle of champagne?
15:50Your most expensive bottle.
15:54Oh, my God.
15:57Here she comes.
15:58Just ignore her.
15:59Act cool.
16:05That's Laurie Rika?
16:06Yeah.
16:08The one with the crutches?
16:10I didn't see those.
16:12I didn't know she had those.
16:13Honey, don't stare at her.
16:15Don't stare at her.
16:16Laurie, what happened?
16:18Are you all right?
16:19Yeah, it's nothing.
16:20I slipped.
16:21All right.
16:22You beat up a handicapped person?
16:24No, she didn't used to be handicapped.
16:27Something must have happened to her.
16:29Oh, God.
16:30Liz, that's awful.
16:31Don't, no, no.
16:32Don't do that.
16:32Just because she has a disability does not make her some sort of saint.
16:36She is a cruel and a vicious person, and she wants to put up posters all over school that said lost dog, and it had my picture on it.
16:45She deserves to be pushed around just a little bit, and she deserves to be pushed around just a little bit.
16:49Okay.
16:50All right.
16:51Surprise!
16:52Surprise!
16:53Happy birthday!
16:54Happy birthday!
16:55Happy birthday!
16:55Happy birthday!
16:55Happy birthday!
16:55Happy birthday!
16:56Happy birthday!
16:56Happy birthday!
16:57Thank you!
16:58I am so surprised!
17:00Aw, jeez, Liz, it's her birthday.
17:03We made up a crippled person on our own surprise party.
17:07Stop it!
17:08Maybe you should apologize.
17:09No!
17:10No!
17:11No!
17:11This is not fair!
17:13All right?
17:14Nobody ever apologized to me when I walked around school all day not knowing there were maxi pads stuck to the sides of my shoes.
17:23Mommy?
17:24Oh, dear God.
17:26I'm over here, honey.
17:27Follow Mama's voice.
17:28You're precious.
17:29I'm here.
17:30I'm over here.
17:32I'm here.
17:33This is my present to you for being my mommy and the only one who loves me so much.
17:41Aw.
17:43Come on.
17:44Come on.
17:45Oh, thank you.
17:46Liz, get over there and save your soul from the fiery depths of hell.
17:53Excuse me.
17:54Excuse me, everybody.
17:56I'm sorry.
17:57I'm sorry to interrupt you.
17:59I'm Liz Allen and I used to go to school with Lori.
18:02Lori.
18:03And I just wanted to come over and I wanted to say I'm sorry.
18:06I'm...
18:07I am so ashamed of the way I treated you in the bathroom.
18:11Lori.
18:12Are you all right?
18:13Yeah.
18:14Yeah.
18:15Oh, God.
18:16The very worst part of all of this is tonight I became the cruel person that I always despised
18:21in you.
18:22I'm no better than you.
18:23I'm no better than you.
18:24Lori.
18:25And at least you had the excuse of being immature and I don't have an excuse at all except that
18:29I'm thoughtless.
18:31I'm so sorry.
18:32That's okay.
18:33Well, let's go.
18:34Happy birthday.
18:35Happy birthday.
18:36Happy birthday.
18:37Happy birthday.
18:38Boof!
18:39Boof!
18:40Boof!
18:41Boof!
18:42Jag, woh, woh!
18:43Youth!
18:44Oh!
18:45Oh!
18:46Uh-oh!
18:47Oh!
18:52Oh!
18:57Oh!
18:58Ohio!
18:59We're not gonna take it, no, we're not gonna take it, we're not gonna take it anymore.
19:09Congratulations, you're in the army now, your country thanks you.
19:13You'll need to report Tuesday morning at 0600 hours.
19:21Hey, town hot, man.
19:29The homeless shelter is five blocks that way, sir.
19:32Man, ain't nobody looking for no homeless shelter.
19:35I'm here to get my patriotism on.
19:38Besides, I want to join the army so I can be all I can be.
19:42And after about a fifth of that yak, I'm gonna be everybody.
19:48Okay, well, we don't really need your help right now, sir.
19:50You're a damn liar.
19:51I seen the TV down there at the bus depot.
19:54Y'all need some big-ass help.
19:57What's the name of that dude we're going after?
19:59Was it Billie Jean Ladeen?
20:02Oh, wait, I know it's Obi-Wan Kenobi.
20:07No, it's Osama bin Laden.
20:09Woo!
20:10Cool, man, because I'm not going after Billy Dee Williams.
20:13He made me cry in mahogany.
20:16That man can sing his ass off.
20:20Give me $5.
20:22Why don't you move along, sir?
20:24We really don't need your help today.
20:25Hey, man, you a liar.
20:26Don't you see what they doing to us, man?
20:28They changing our way of life.
20:31We done lost all our liberality.
20:33I can't sleep in the same doorway I used to.
20:36People ain't giving away money on the subway like they used to.
20:39Man, the economy way down.
20:42We in the recess, baby.
20:44What?
20:44Can you see some thing?
20:45All right, here go in.
20:48If it ain't little Miss Amber Princess sleep the day away,
20:52she finally decided to come over here.
20:54Okay, but look at all, listen.
20:58Look, girl, I told you, girl.
21:00I told you I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do.
21:03You ain't going to tell me what to do.
21:05Girl, every time I tell you, every time.
21:08See, listen, O'Casey, you cannot go and fight,
21:11because O'Casey, because it's like Marvin Gaye would say.
21:15You got to give peace a chance.
21:17Hey, that wasn't Marvin Gaye that said that.
21:20That was Martin Lawrence.
21:21Look here.
21:22I'm here to fight for her liberty, justice,
21:25and the freedom to give men mouth sex whenever she wants.
21:29Hey, give the general here some mouth sex for old glory, baby.
21:33No, no, no, no, no, thank you.
21:35Hey, relax there, soldier boy,
21:38and stop laments of the government.
21:40I said no, thank you.
21:45Hey, what time to bust leave for crap or stand,
21:48because I'm ready to fight.
21:49Hey, listen, Walter, listen, listen, listen, listen.
21:53See, okay, because look, you cannot go and fight,
21:55because if you did, see, then I would be left alone while you're going.
22:00Chill.
22:00Girl, I'd have told you I'm going,
22:02and when I say I'm gone, I'm gone,
22:05and that's the place I'm going to be.
22:06Oh, no, oh, no.
22:08Oh, girl, is she all right?
22:09Oh, man, that's what you do.
22:11Girl, I ain't falling for that mess.
22:13Get your behind up.
22:15Hey, look, man.
22:16You can get that for a fee.
22:20Listen here, man.
22:21What do I got to do to be in this honor?
22:23Well, you just have to answer a few questions.
22:26Uh-huh.
22:27All right, what's your name, sir?
22:28Walter Cronkite.
22:33You're Walter Cronkite.
22:34What you trying to say?
22:35A brother can't do the news?
22:37No, man, I'm just playing.
22:39It's Walter Hemphill, like Shirley Hemphill from What's Happening.
22:42Hey, hey, hey.
22:43Hey, prior military training.
22:48Yeah, in the Army.
22:49You've already been in the Army.
22:50Yeah, Salvation.
22:51I was down there yesterday.
22:54Ma'am.
22:56Ma'am, put that back.
22:57Put that back.
22:58You cannot take our punch.
22:59Hey, man, leave her alone, man.
23:01Hey, we the only dumpster without one.
23:04Listen here, little Ralph's mouth,
23:06because listen, okay,
23:07because, see, you got to tell me what the address is
23:10where you be sending my Walter, see,
23:11because when you go after that key, man,
23:13I'm going to want to send some pear cackages,
23:15ke-packages, packages.
23:21Well, the problem, ma'am,
23:25is that we don't really know where the bad guys are right now.
23:27Now, wait a minute.
23:29Time out.
23:31Now, how are you going to fight somebody
23:33you don't even know where he is?
23:35I've been looking for my daddy for 27 years.
23:37We're in the same streets,
23:38and I can't find that son of a bitch nowhere.
23:48Good luck trying to find Aladdin.
23:52Bin Laden.
23:53Osama.
23:54Don't you talk about my mama.
23:56Hey, look here, man.
23:58What is the deal?
23:58Because I'm getting a feeling
23:59you don't want me to be in the Army here.
24:01Yeah, I really don't think it's going to work out, sir.
24:03Let me tell you something, man.
24:05I might be a mess,
24:07but I'm still an American.
24:11He an American mess.
24:12He listens.
24:13Right.
24:15You know what, sir?
24:17You're right.
24:18We do need everybody to do their part right now,
24:20and in your own strange way,
24:22you've shown a great amount of patriotism.
24:23That's what I've been saying.
24:25I think we've got the perfect job for you.
24:27Oh, baby, this is what we've been waiting on.
24:28Get the living room.
24:29I got the living room.
24:30Come on.
24:31Hurry up, girl.
24:31This is it.
24:32I've done trained my whole life for this.
24:35Yeah.
24:36We need someone to squeegee the windows in the tanks.
24:39You think you're up for the job?
24:41Oh, fuck.
24:42General Walter C. Hemphill
24:45reporting 024-711.
24:49That's where I get the...
24:50You know what, Walter?
24:53What's that?
24:53See, you my hero.
24:55Oh, damn.
24:58Thank God.
25:08Thank you, Alex Borstein.
25:10I am here at the press trunket for On the Line.
25:13It's an incredible film.
25:16It moved me.
25:17I'm here with Joey Fatone.
25:18How you doing?
25:18He's a member of this small group.
25:20I don't know if you've heard of it.
25:21It's called NSYNC.
25:24Okay.
25:25And you're in this film, On the Line.
25:26Yep.
25:27And this is the lady.
25:28Yes, that's Manuel Schreke.
25:29This guy, he wants to get the lady.
25:32He doesn't, yes.
25:33And you're friends with him.
25:34Yes.
25:35And you try to help him get the lady.
25:37Yes, but I also try to get other ladies because all these ladies start calling him up.
25:41So I try to get his other ladies that he doesn't want because he's looking for that lady.
25:45What about this lady?
25:47That lady's hot.
25:48But that lady works with that man.
25:50That man.
25:51That man.
25:52And that man works with that lady who works with the guy that's in the window that you can't really see that's really small.
25:57That man works with that man with that lady.
25:59And then this lady is the same as that lady.
26:02Yes, and the same one and the lady on the...
26:04And there's a gentleman here from the Cubs.
26:06That's Sammy Sosa.
26:07Sammy Sosa.
26:08Say it with me.
26:10Sammy Sosa.
26:12And what does he, does he do anything with that lady?
26:14No, he hits a ball into that guy's groin area.
26:19That guy?
26:19No, the lower one.
26:20That one.
26:21Nope, higher.
26:22That one?
26:22No, higher.
26:23That one.
26:24No, the other one.
26:25That one.
26:25That one, right.
26:27That's GQ.
26:28Oh.
26:28And I understand you sing a classic Dee Snider, Twisted Sister.
26:34Yeah, but do Twisted Sister also do...
26:35Oh, We're Not Gonna Take It.
26:36Could we hear a little bit of that?
26:38Oh, my goodness.
26:39Only if you sing it with me.
26:40I will.
26:41Ready?
26:41We're not gonna take it.
26:45No, we're not gonna take it.
26:47Now!
26:47We're not gonna take it anymore.
26:50Oh, we're not gonna take it.
26:51What the hell are you?
26:52That's good.
26:53You want to have a drink?
26:53Yeah, sure.
26:54No, I can do that.
27:01Hey, Dean.
27:03These are folks?
27:04Um.
27:06Yes, we are.
27:07Well, that was a great game.
27:11And our Katie topped the pyramid.
27:13Oh, my God.
27:14She sure did.
27:15And the Panthers won.
27:17I think this calls for Ice Cream Sunday.
27:19Yay!
27:19Yay!
27:21Oh, hey, Katie.
27:22Oh, hey, Maya.
27:23So, are you going to Trevor's party tonight?
27:25Yeah, totally.
27:26I mean, we should go together.
27:27Oh, yeah.
27:27Yeah.
27:28If you'd like, uh, you girls can borrow the candy.
27:31Oh!
27:34We have a ride already?
27:37Well, I know, but I just figured, you know, it's no trouble if you want.
27:39Oh, my God, Dad, it's totally okay.
27:44I'll see you later.
27:45Cool, see ya.
27:45Okay, bye.
27:49Okay, I totally know what I want.
27:52Yeah, the triple fudgy wudgy.
27:54Oh, yum.
27:55Okay, check it out.
27:55Yeah, look at that.
27:56It's a fudge brownie with three scoops of ice cream
28:00and loaded with M&M's, hot fudge, and whipped cream.
28:06Hey, do you want to split that?
28:07We could all split it.
28:09I know, forget about that.
28:10I'm having Uncle Joe's whipped cream banana parade boat.
28:14Whoa!
28:18Hey, Katie.
28:19Oh, hey, Dean.
28:20What's up?
28:20Hey, guys, great game.
28:22Hey, thanks.
28:22Thanks a lot.
28:26What?
28:28Could you just not talk to people and do that?
28:32Do what?
28:34Oh, my God.
28:35Hey there, you guys about ready?
28:37Oh, we sure are.
28:38My daughter and I, we're going to split the fudgy wudgy.
28:40Oh, you don't have to tell her what we're going to do with it.
28:45So is that going to be enough for two?
28:47Oh, you betcha.
28:48It'll put you in a chocolate coma.
28:49Oh.
28:51Okay.
28:52Yeah, well, why don't you just bring two plates?
28:55Oh, she's busy.
28:58God, shut up.
29:00It's really no problem.
29:02What can I get for you, sir?
29:03Well, if it's all right with my daughter,
29:06I think I will have Uncle Joe's whipped cream banana parade boats.
29:14Good choice.
29:16Katie, what is your problem?
29:21It's you guys.
29:23I mean, look how you behave.
29:25God, it's so embarrassing.
29:27What about the way you're behaving?
29:29We're just sitting here, pumpkin.
29:31Wait.
29:32Just don't talk to anyone, okay?
29:36Hey, Katie.
29:38What's up?
29:39Hey, Dean.
29:40Are these your folks?
29:42Um, yes, we are.
29:44Hi, Dean.
29:48I'm Mr. Williams.
29:49Oh, my God.
29:49We've got a couple of great sides today.
29:50All right.
29:51Well done.
29:51Thank you very much.
29:52Yeah.
29:53Hey, is your mom Kathy Farrell?
29:55Oh, come on.
29:57She and I, we went to Penn State together.
29:59Because back then I was Ann Williams.
30:01I don't care, Claire, do I have to college, you stupid idiot?
30:04Don't care, I don't care, you don't care.
30:08Okay, yeah, well, just, um, anyway, tell her that, uh, Ann McGuire said...
30:12Oh, shut up!
30:13Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
30:16At any rate, tell her, tell her hi.
30:18I will.
30:19See you guys later.
30:20Nice meeting you.
30:20Bye, Katie.
30:22Okay, we've got Uncle Joe's banana.
30:26I hate you.
30:31Okay, and the triple fudgy wudgy.
30:33That's us right here.
30:35God, I wish you would die!
30:43Can I get you guys anything else?
30:45Uh, just the check as soon as possible.
30:47Yes.
30:51Aw, oh, you're disgusting.
30:55I mean, look how you eat!
31:01God, you second me!
31:05I mean, everybody in this restaurant is staring at you, you fools!
31:09God, I wish I were dead!
31:11Oh, yum, that looks so good!
31:22Save me some blue M&M's.
31:24They're my favorite.
31:32Good evening.
31:33Barbara Walters is recovering from a botched power peel.
31:36She'll be back as soon as the left side of her face is re-attached.
31:41And now, sitting in for Barbara Walters is Connie Chung.
31:45Good evening.
31:46Barbara Walters is recovering from a botched power peel.
31:49She'll be back as soon as the left side of her face is re-attached.
31:52Get well soon, Babs.
31:54Tonight, we salute a man who has dedicated his life to entertainment.
31:57He is the voice of young America, Mr. Aaron Spelling.
32:00He's brought in such hits as Charlie's Angels, Beverly Hills 90210, and The Love Boat.
32:07Join us now as we spend the day in the life with television's Uber producer.
32:11We caught up with Mr. Spelling here at the WB Network Studios nestled between the L.A.
32:16County Jail and the Spearmint Rhino Gentleman's Club.
32:19Get out of the way!
32:23What are you looking at?
32:24Out of my way, lady!
32:26Damn it, Helen Brewer.
32:27Move it.
32:30I own every damn one of you.
32:37No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
32:40Why does it have to be a church camp?
32:42Make it a topless salad bar instead.
32:46Damn it, every week I tell you idiots the same thing.
32:49Yeah, we at the WB are thrilled that Mr. Spelling produces two hours of television for us every week.
32:55Is there extra pressure on Mr. Spelling's shows to perform now that you made the mind-boggling decision to let Buffy move to UPN?
33:04Yeah, it's true.
33:05We lost Buffy, but, uh, we got Reba.
33:08These cards contain all of my ideas for television shows.
33:15This one was for Seventh Heaven.
33:18Church plus nipples equals rating.
33:22Excellent.
33:24You bet your booty, Hong Kong Phooey.
33:27Here's another one.
33:29Witches plus six nipples equals charm.
33:32Book of Shadows, I invoke thee.
33:37Who approved that costume?
33:40I want cleavage.
33:42Bend down, bend down and jiggle when you read.
33:44Book of Shadows, I invoke thee.
33:47You call that jiggling?
33:48I do more jiggling when I'm jumping out.
33:51Book of Shadows, I invoke thee.
33:51That's it.
33:52That's it.
33:52Spirits.
33:53Woo-hoo!
33:54You're making the demons too scary.
34:01Aaron, don't you recognize me?
34:03It's Candy, your wife.
34:06Sadly, I do.
34:08Alzheimer's, take me away.
34:11You talked about the man behind the shows.
34:14What's to tell, really?
34:15I mean, he's just a nasty little man obsessed with nipples.
34:19I see.
34:20Does he have any regrets?
34:21Look, I told you, I am not going to talk about Tory.
34:24As I ended my day with Mr. Aaron Spelling,
34:28he gave me these words of wisdom to ponder.
34:31Jiggle, China doll jiggle.
34:33Hey, everybody, good night, sweet dreams.
34:58Thanks for watchin'.
34:59I always tell Joey that he's the most talented in the group,
35:14and that he's more talented than me.
35:16Do you mind if I say it?
35:18I'm sorry, do you mind?
35:18This is so much fun.
35:19I say to Joey, I say, I'm probably the least necessary member of NSYNC.
35:27No.
35:28Get out of here.
35:29Get out of here.
35:29I say, I'm going to go.
35:31You're the base voice.
35:31You carry it all the time.
35:32I'm going to go.
35:32How many times do singles?
35:33I say, you guys go do your thing, and I'm going to go fill in for aging.
35:37Hey, maybe later we could go pick up some chicks like we always do.
35:46Always, yes, definitely, definitely.
35:47Well, no, I'm confused.
35:48Why don't you have your cousin coming?
35:50Trevor has to get to sleep early.
35:51He's a Mormon.
35:52I love being a pop star.
35:53So what are you going to do now with all your money?
35:55Whatever I want.
35:57Oh, Lance.
35:58Yeah.
35:58Yes, I get them my liver.
36:00Well, he doesn't need it because Trevor doesn't drink.
36:03He's a Mormon.
36:04Right, right, exactly.
36:05Yeah.
36:05I need it because Lance, I'm Lance Bass, and I'm a raging alcoholic.
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