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00:00okay let's get back to the countdown entering the countdown at number five
00:07it's in sync with their new hit baby keep it real real and at number four
00:14after 78 weeks on the chart we have the backstreet boys with the theme from spy
00:18kids number three we have Lil Kim's I'll suck it for a dollar and at number two
00:28we have in sync again with Funkatronic squeeze machine and now the number one
00:34video which you're actually going to see it's Sugar Ray's tribute to MTV titled
00:40the music's over
00:43the music's over there's no time on MTV
01:03the music's over
01:08unless it's by and sync or me
01:13the video
01:16had to go
01:22sorry bro
01:24had to go
01:26all the songs that they used to play
01:28research says they got in the way
01:31the MTV that you used to know was tossed out the window
01:35now they bring you the Tom Cruise show
01:3819 commercials in a row
01:40Kitty born with the undressed cast
01:42followed by Jackass
01:45and did you know
01:47the channel's run by rich old white guys
01:51yes it's true
01:56they'd strangle kittens if you'd watch it
02:01sounds like fun
02:02and didn't you know
02:05no
02:06no
02:06no
02:08the CEO
02:09of MTV
02:11it's 103
02:14all the songs that they used to play
02:16research says they got in the way
02:19the MTV that you used to know was tossed out the window
02:23grab a friend to sit down and watch
02:26behind the scenes of Britney's clutch
02:28the MTV that you used to know was tossed out the window
02:33happy 20th anniversary MTV
02:42you rock
02:43stay tuned for the real world road rules
02:46real road rules show
02:47after these words from
02:48absolute vodka
02:49clear soul
02:50trojans
02:50sketches
02:51tommy hillfighter
02:51red bow
02:52loves
02:52the cap
02:53macedo
02:53playstation
02:54diorio
02:54and the good people of zola
02:56and sharon williams
02:57and pez
02:58and nike
02:58and reichard
02:59and budweiser
03:00and anything else you can possibly think of
03:02that can be sold by anyone on this level
03:03if you want to know who you want to know
03:04so thank you all very much
03:05hey is this the fan club meeting?
03:10you got it
03:11come on in
03:11where is everybody?
03:13looks like red buddy
03:14but uh
03:15hey
03:15you only need two to party right?
03:17yeah
03:17okay let's start
03:19uh
03:20I hereby bring to order
03:23the first annual
03:24Hamilton University fan club meeting
03:25of the one
03:26the only
03:27Mr. Craig Kilburn
03:29oh yeah
03:36hey you know what
03:38it's starting to feel like couch time
03:40let's use these cushions
03:42alright
03:42yeah
03:43how you doing
03:45Kevin Mitchell
03:45what's up Kevers
03:47Doug Shelberg
03:48cool name Shelby
03:49ladies and gentlemen
03:51please welcome into the room
03:52Mr. Doug Shelberg
03:54I'm liking this guy
03:56Kevers
03:57Shelby
03:58Kilby
04:00oh yeah
04:02first order of business
04:04how long
04:06have you been
04:06into the craggers?
04:07old Shelby here
04:08has been into the craggers
04:09since
04:10the daily show
04:11lightweight
04:12I got that beat
04:13I saw him doing
04:14the farm report
04:15from my playpen
04:16and just like Kilby
04:17I could pick up
04:18an olive
04:19with my ass
04:20oh yeah
04:21and now
04:23Mr. Doug Shelberg
04:25reflects on his first minute
04:26in the Kilby fan club
04:28I'm liking this place
04:30not too crowded
04:32room to play
04:33good folks
04:34and you know what
04:35the president of the club
04:37is pretty cool too
04:38oh yeah
04:40nice job
04:42try this one
04:42and now
04:43Shelby gives us
04:45a moment for us
04:46you know
04:47I don't know about you guys
04:49but dating a supermodel
04:50is not all
04:51it's cracked up to be
04:52they're rich
04:53they do a lot of drugs
04:55and they don't eat much
04:57hey wait a minute
04:58that sounds
05:00pretty good
05:01oh yeah
05:02Kevin did you see
05:04a black notebook?
05:05ladies and gentlemen
05:06the resident audio
05:07of Brewster Dorm
05:08a botany major
05:09that I'd like to
05:10plant one on
05:10please welcome
05:11Ms. Cheryl Pinsky
05:13Kevin did you
05:15see the notebook
05:16or not
05:16I mean just
05:17tell me
05:17only if you answer
05:18tonight's five questions
05:20question number one
05:22who would you rather
05:22have hot girl
05:23on girl action with
05:24Tyra Banks
05:26or Piper Parable?
05:29bite me freak home
05:30she wants you
05:32Shelby
05:32you think?
05:34I know
05:34oh yeah
05:36you know what that means
05:38it's time to dance
05:39dance
05:40dance
05:41hey what are you doing
05:51we got this room reserved
05:52yeah well time's up
05:53we're watching Conan
05:54Conan sucks
05:56please state for the minutes
05:57that Conan is
05:58the antichrist
06:00also please state
06:01that Mr. Craig Kilborn
06:02is a player
06:04also state that
06:05I'm gonna beat
06:06both your asses
06:07if you don't move
06:07your little gay club
06:08out of here
06:09we've got the room
06:12bizarre
06:12now
06:13shall we
06:15covers
06:16wanna go back
06:17to my room
06:18and take a look
06:18at the new Maxim
06:19who's on the cover?
06:21Alyssa Milano
06:22oh yeah
06:24shut
06:24up
06:25guys I mean it
06:34shut
06:35alright
06:35oh no
06:41it's MADtv
06:50starring
06:52Paul Steen
06:54Frank Caliendo
06:58Mo Collins
07:02Andrew Daly
07:06Michael McDonald
07:11Will Sasson
07:16Eric Spears
07:20Stephanie Weir
07:24Deborah Wilson
07:29featuring
07:30Catherine Fiori
07:32the following program
07:39contains graphic scenes
07:40viewer discretion is advised
07:42welcome to fear factor
07:44I'm Joel Roglan
07:46Rogem
07:48well the cue cards
07:50are going a little
07:50fast
07:50maybe we can
07:51slow them down
07:51the stunts
07:55you are about
07:56to see
07:56are very
07:57very dangerous
07:59try them
08:00at home
08:00whatever I just
08:04said
08:04there's supposed
08:05to be a
08:05don't in there
08:05somewhere
08:06so
08:06maybe we can
08:07slow the
08:08cue cards
08:08down
08:08huh
08:09tonight
08:10on an
08:11all-star
08:11celebrity
08:12fear factor
08:13you know why
08:23because I am sharp
08:24that's right
08:25I am as sharp
08:25as a tack
08:26tickety-tack-tack-tack-tack
08:27speaking of that
08:28I need me a tic-tac
08:29because my breath
08:29be stinking
08:29you know what
08:30girlfriend
08:31I ain't afraid
08:32of nothing
08:32well except
08:33neck wrinkles
08:34and snakes
08:35and bugs
08:36plus I don't
08:37like wind
08:38and superficiality
08:39of any sort
08:40I ain't gonna
08:41stand for it
08:42I ain't afraid
08:43of nothing
08:44but I ain't
08:45old though
08:45hey
08:46except maybe
08:46a candy
08:47disappeared from
08:47there
08:47give me that
08:49hi I'm
08:51Kenny Rogers
08:52welcome to
08:53the Kenny Rogers
08:54Invitational
08:55Golf Classic
08:56what a beautiful
08:58day it is
08:59here in
08:59Charlottesville
09:00Virginia
09:01golf tricks
09:02young and old
09:03like Chick Malloy
09:04and Billy Mummy
09:05will team up
09:06with today's
09:07two hottest stars
09:08Cindy Lauper
09:09and Patrick
09:10Duffin
09:11okay celebrities
09:13and Cisco
09:15here is your
09:16first stunt
09:16you will stand
09:18against this wall
09:19let me tell you
09:19something
09:19I can stand
09:20against the wall
09:20that's easy
09:21watch this man
09:22I'm gonna stand
09:23against the wall
09:23I'm gonna have
09:23my back right
09:24up against the wall
09:24I'm telling you
09:25you better have
09:26my money
09:27I make too much
09:27money for you
09:28I'll be messing
09:28with me
09:28I'll be messing
09:29with this
09:29you will stand
09:30against the wall
09:31and try and
09:32dodge a pitching
09:32machine
09:33Chris
09:34ow
09:35also you
09:37can't scream
09:37or fall
09:38you ready
09:39Chris
09:40Chris
09:41you're out
09:42you're out
09:43you're gone
09:44how does it feel
09:45man I feel
09:47like Rodney King
09:48no justice
09:49no peace
09:49get off me man
09:50what you trying to do
09:51to me
09:51did I win anything
09:52just stand up
09:54against the wall
09:55with balls
09:55flying in my face
09:56now I know
09:57what Christina Aguilera
09:58feels like
09:59I can't feel your balls
10:16I can't feel your balls
10:20I can't feel your balls
10:21at all
10:21because I'm
10:22shot full of antidepressants
10:23and welcome back
10:28to Kenny Rogers
10:29Invitational Golf Class
10:31if you didn't join this
10:33Billy Mooney is about to serve
10:35I'm a bitch
10:36I can't just
10:37I broke my booze
10:40Chris and Cisco
10:41have been
10:42a lemon
10:43a lemon
10:45hey Kenny
10:47do you know that word there
10:48nah man
10:49I don't even know
10:50where I live
10:51I'm gonna kick your ass
10:54Marlon Brando
10:55and Rosie
10:56you fat booze bag
10:57booze bag
10:58you calling me a
10:59hey I kind of like that
11:01hey celebrities
11:03are you hungry
11:05every minute of the day
11:07oh yeah
11:08one two
11:09three o'clock
11:09four o'clock
11:10eight
11:10five six
11:11seven
11:11even seven
11:12eight
11:12seven thirty
11:13eight o'clock
11:13nine o'clock
11:14ten o'clock
11:15shut up
11:16Danny DeVito
11:17let's bring out
11:19the box
11:20well the box
11:21I've seen this
11:22this is the part
11:23where they eat
11:23live eaters
11:25oh when I saw it
11:26it was with worms
11:27this time it's better
11:28we got live kittens
11:30the celebrity who
11:34eats the most
11:35kittens gets the grand prize
11:38come here you
11:39come on
11:40get rosy
11:41come on
11:41sleep mama
11:45this is tough
11:45I have eaten
11:46a tire of a truck
11:48and a bucket
11:48a bowl barons
11:49but Rosie can't do it
11:51I can't bring myself
11:52to eat them
11:52let's move it
11:53tough guy
11:53come on
11:54here
11:54alright
11:56well you
11:57I'll take the mustard
11:59can as well
12:00you did it man
12:07you ate the kittens
12:08man
12:08how does it feel
12:10well to be honest
12:12I could have used
12:12some potatoes
12:13but I ain't complain
12:15beer is not a factor
12:25for you Kenny Rogers
12:27you have just won
12:28$50,000
12:29$50,000
12:32$50,000
12:32you man
12:34I wiped my ass
12:34for $50,000
12:35tell me this Joe
12:37how crazy golf tournament
12:38is this
12:39what's that
12:39whoops
12:44hit the bunker
12:45hey Joe wait
12:46I want to beat
12:46I'm going to rebel tootanize
13:04the way you fry bologna
13:05what's that Mike
13:07the Mike Tyson grill
13:09anybody home
13:30no
13:31what do you mean no
13:44no I mean no
13:46listen lady
13:56are you the owner
13:57of gorgeous pretty beauty
13:58nail salon
13:58who wants to know
14:03I do
14:05that's why I'm asking
14:06okay ask
14:08I just did
14:10what
14:12I asked you
14:14if you're the owner
14:15of gorgeous pretty
14:15beauty nail salon
14:16okay
14:17you go ahead
14:18ask
14:18I just asked you
14:21can't you understand
14:21what I'm saying
14:22no
14:23no
14:23you can't understand
14:24what I'm saying
14:24no you don't hear me
14:25talking right now
14:26can you hear me
14:26no
14:27no you don't hear me
14:28you don't hear a word
14:28I'm saying
14:29no
14:30no
14:30no
14:30all right
14:31how about now
14:33no
14:34okay
14:35yeah
14:35no all right
14:36yeah
14:37real nice place
14:38you got here
14:39oh thanks
14:40yeah
14:41I cannot even look
14:42at it unless
14:43I'm a little bit stoned
14:44still uh
14:49business seems
14:51it's pretty good
14:51it's pretty good
14:51oh yes
14:52you better take a number
14:55that's funny
14:57that's good
14:57take a number
14:58yeah
14:58no come on
14:58take a number
14:59take a number
14:59come on
15:00hey lady
15:01listen
15:01I did not come here
15:03to get my nails done
15:04alright
15:04I came to talk to you
15:05you wanna talk
15:06take a number
15:07what number
15:12you got
15:1288
15:14number 5
15:17come on
15:20what are you kidding
15:20anybody
15:23alright listen
15:24lady
15:24I'm not playing around
15:25here
15:25I don't got all day
15:26with you
15:26alright
15:27okay
15:27okay
15:27okay
15:28alright
15:32listen
15:32hey
15:33don't you make me mad
15:35alright
15:35you are making me
15:36very angry
15:36you do not
15:37want to see me angry
15:38come on
15:39yes I do
15:40come on
15:41that's the premise
15:42for all these fun sketches
15:44yeah
15:44I know
15:46I'm a huge fan
15:47actually
15:47it's a real pleasure
15:48to meet you
15:48that's great
15:49okay
15:50I'll go first
15:50stand up
15:50alright
15:51number 87
15:52number 80
15:55yeah
15:55right here
15:56oh hello
15:58what can I do for you
15:59the question is
16:01what can I do for you
16:02oh you know
16:04you can go
16:04and buy me
16:05some of this
16:05spicy peanut
16:06oh I love it
16:08it's so good
16:09lady
16:09I'm not gonna buy you
16:10some spicy peanuts
16:11alright
16:11I'm here
16:12I'm telling you
16:12you got a nice place
16:13here
16:13lady
16:14up here
16:15lady
16:15it'd be a real shame
16:17if something
16:17would happen
16:17to this nice place
16:18huh
16:19like what
16:20oh I don't know
16:22something like this
16:24you mean
16:28something like this
16:31right
16:38right
16:39it'd be a real shame
16:40if this whole place
16:41got busted up
16:42busted up like this
16:45oh hey
16:46whoa
16:47right
16:49right
16:49right
16:50lady
16:50hey
16:50lady
16:51accidents like that
16:52and this can be avoided
16:53you mean accident
16:55accident like this
16:56okay
16:57no no no
16:58don't mess around
16:59with that
16:59whoa whoa whoa
17:00jeep
17:00right
17:01okay yeah
17:02accident
17:02calm down
17:03no no no
17:04don't do that
17:05just leave the bright
17:06stuff like that
17:07right
17:07all that stuff
17:08can be avoided
17:09and all you gotta do
17:11is give me $500 a week
17:13for what
17:14for what
17:15for protection
17:16that's what
17:16I don't need protection
17:18I got this
17:19oh gee
17:20oh
17:21anybody mess with money
17:24swan
17:25we all go straight to hell
17:26okay
17:26all right
17:26all right
17:27lady
17:28lady
17:28put the grenade down
17:29all right
17:30we'll get something like that
17:31all right
17:33calm easy
17:33all right
17:34the grenade
17:34listen lady
17:36if I don't walk out of here
17:37with $500
17:37my boss is gonna kill me
17:39all right
17:39okay
17:40then you need protection
17:41number 89
17:45no no no
17:46wait hold it
17:47hold it
17:48today you gotta take another number
17:49okay that's it
17:50lady
17:50that's it
17:51all right
17:52you are gonna give me that $500
17:53or you're gonna give it to me right now
17:55swan give you $500 for nothing
17:58yeah that's right
17:59that's right
17:59that's the way it's gonna be
18:00no
18:01swan spend that kind of money
18:03on a guy
18:04she want to get a little something
18:05in return
18:06you know
18:06what do you want
18:08huh
18:08what do you want
18:08for me to give you $500
18:09huh
18:10what do you want
18:10for me to have to get out
18:11huh
18:11maybe
18:12maybe not so big acting
18:14maybe bring it in a little bit
18:15okay
18:15what do I gotta do
18:18to get $500 out of you
18:20huh
18:20oh that's very good
18:21that's good
18:21uh
18:23I know
18:24you
18:24you can go in the back
18:26with me
18:26and fix my pipe
18:28you want me to fix your pipes
18:31yeah
18:32yeah but really
18:32yeah but really
18:32a leaky pipe
18:33not a sexual euphemism
18:34fine
18:35now fix your pipe
18:36good
18:37where's your pipe
18:37come on
18:38it's over here
18:38look up for the TV
18:40all right
18:40okay
18:41that's
18:42okay
18:42you're doing good
18:44all right
18:45okay
18:46all right
18:46ah it's just the old pipes
18:47really
18:48look at this
18:48make sure you're doing good
18:50I will
18:50I will
18:51you got that money
18:51I'll do it
18:52oh I got that for $100
18:53all right
18:54I got it for you
18:56okay
18:56no no no no no no
19:00no all right
19:01get back in here
19:01come on
19:02come on
19:02hey
19:03what are you doing
19:04you left me in here
19:05come on
19:06you're such a big swan
19:07fan you should have
19:08seen this coming
19:09oh my god
19:18you're having a fear
19:19Brian
19:19yes you are
19:20why else would you
19:21smell like lavender
19:21no I'm not
19:22I'm not
19:22I just
19:24okay
19:30let's see here
19:31a couple more
19:33the house is finally
19:36clean
19:37I am so nervous
19:38about meeting your family
19:39oh they're gonna
19:40love you honey
19:41just relax
19:42I'll try
19:43Brian did you light
19:45one of those
19:46scented candles
19:47no why
19:50there's just this
19:52overpowering smell
19:54of lavender
19:55do you smell that
19:55no that's
19:57that's weird
19:58no
19:59wait a minute
19:59wait
20:00that's coming
20:01from you
20:02Brian
20:02no
20:03that's perfume
20:04no
20:04oh my god
20:05you're having an affair
20:06Brian
20:06yes you are
20:07why else would you
20:08smell like lavender
20:09no I'm not
20:09I'm not
20:09listen honey
20:11you see
20:13you see I
20:14just
20:15farted
20:17Ryan
20:24you expect me to believe
20:25your farts smell like lavender
20:27yes
20:30listen sit down here
20:32I gotta tell you something
20:35I know this is gonna be hard
20:36for you to believe
20:37but
20:37I can
20:39customize
20:40the smell
20:41of my farts
20:42show me
20:49what
20:51can't you just believe me
20:53no I
20:53no I can't
20:54show me
20:55oh
20:57okay
20:59you
20:59you want more lavender
21:02no
21:04no it should be something different
21:06so that I can tell it's fresh
21:08I don't suppose that you can do citrus
21:14lemon or lime
21:17lime
21:21fine
21:23oh my god that smells like real lime
21:33see yeah that's what I told you
21:34that's unbelievable
21:36honey oh I'm sorry
21:37I'm so sorry I doubted you
21:39no don't be sorry
21:40I should have told you soon
21:41it's weird I know
21:42it's so crazy
21:42I know
21:42I know
21:43it smells
21:44oh my gosh
21:45that's my family
21:46wait until I tell them about your secret skill
21:49no wait maybe we shouldn't
21:50let's not
21:51hey
21:52how you doing girl
21:54don't wait dad
21:55come on in
21:55hello
21:56hello
21:57Brian this is my family
21:59everyone this is my fiancee Brian
22:02hey Brian how you doing
22:03heard a lot about you
22:04oh we sure have
22:06we sure have
22:07do I smoke key lime pie
22:08no
22:10and you're not going to believe it
22:12when I tell you what it really is
22:13Marcy
22:14tell him Brian
22:15no
22:15come on
22:16come on
22:17share with us Brian
22:18come on
22:19all right
22:23you are all
22:26inhaling
22:28one of my
22:29lime scented
22:31farts
22:32come on
22:34I swear
22:35I swear
22:36it's true
22:37no dad
22:38no listen
22:38it's true
22:39Brian show him
22:39he'll show you
22:40he'll show you
22:41no
22:41I'm meeting your family
22:43for the first time
22:44they don't want me to
22:45rip one in front of them
22:47yes you do
22:48come on
22:50as your future mother-in-law
22:52insists
22:52now are you going to deny me
22:53I guess not
22:57Mrs. Rubishaw
22:58what would you like
23:01your fart to smell like
23:02well he does requests
23:05huh
23:05yeah he's like a butt DJ
23:07oh
23:07you know
23:11well I have always loved
23:12the smell of the ocean
23:13can you make a little
23:14fanny burp that smells like that
23:16sure
23:18holy Christmas
23:31it's like I'm at Vero Beach
23:32wow
23:32hey Brian
23:36do me now
23:36come on
23:37come on
23:37I think we get the idea
23:39no no
23:40come on over here Brian
23:41you did it for her
23:42don't be a party pooper
23:43oh
23:43a party pooper
23:44did it for you
23:45a party pooper
23:46very funny
23:46because it's a party
23:47coming out
23:47yeah
23:48a party pooper
23:49it's very funny
23:49all right
23:50now get over here
23:50now
23:51can you do foods
23:53yes
23:54yes I can do foods
23:56all right
23:56hey
24:03hey
24:03it's roast beef
24:05oh
24:07with asparagus
24:10that's black bean sauce
24:18that's black bean sauce
24:18that's black bean sauce
24:19isn't it Brian
24:19that's fantastic
24:20my turn
24:22my turn
24:23what's for dessert
24:25sonny
24:25oh grandma
24:27rubishaw
24:28in order for me to do
24:30sweet smells
24:31I'd have to get down
24:32on the floor
24:32and change positions
24:33oh come on
24:34well get over here
24:35help your sister
24:35Marcy get the table
24:37out of the window
24:38yeah let Brian do a thing
24:39come on
24:39do it
24:40honey come on
24:41all right
24:43how about some ice cream
24:44make it rocky road
24:53yeah
24:53rocky road
24:55rocky road
24:57rocky road
24:58rocky road
25:00let's get some of that
25:02that smells good enough to eat
25:07do me now
25:10I want mine to smell like a real
25:12rank smelly fart
25:15hey
25:15that's a great idea
25:17son
25:17no actually that's not a great idea at all
25:18you have no idea what the repercussions would be of something like that
25:21I'm just warning you
25:22okay
25:22no seriously we can't do it
25:24there's an oven on
25:25no
25:26Brian come on
25:27no I can't do it
25:28no I refuse
25:29it's not Brian fart for the boy
25:30I can't do it
25:31you know what that's it
25:32let's squeeze it out of him
25:33this guy's old man
25:34come on
25:35come on
25:35come on
25:37this scene is dedicated to all those who find scatological humor amusing
25:47it's only funny until someone gets hurt
25:50isn't it folks
25:51Kmart is proud to introduce its new line of ladies apparel for every day and evenings out
26:01York wear
26:05for summer days
26:07she said York pork shorts
26:13and then she made a sound
26:24this week's blue light special
26:27buy one Bjork wear reindeer head crew neck sweater
26:30get a pair of puppy skin shag plaid check culottes
26:32for half off
26:33Bjork wear at Kmart
26:36yes Kmart
26:37Kmart
26:38yes Kmart
26:40say it with me
26:52say it with me
26:52you are
26:52K
26:53no no
26:54focus up
26:55Kmart
26:58you can
26:59ride
27:00the horsey
27:02in front
27:02of the
27:04star
27:04for
27:07a
27:08closer
27:09and now live from the viper room in hollywood california it's the first annual telephone
27:37for Celebrity Exhaustion
27:44and now the host for the evening Whitney Houston and Celebrity Exhaustion sufferer Bobby Brown
27:54come on y'all my Bobby
27:56we suffer from Exhaustion
27:59we suffer from Exhaustion
28:01we suffer from Exhaustion
28:03I was tired as could be
28:05it should be plain to see
28:07we suffer from Exhaustion
28:09we suffer from Exhaustion
28:10we suffer from Exhaustion
28:11give it up for the King of R&B my Bobby
28:13my Bobby
28:14hey
28:15interesting
28:16if I'm the King of R&B won't you let me sing
28:20that's right
28:22hey
28:23hey
28:24hey bitch
28:25hey
28:26what
28:27Whitney why you always got to outdo me it embarrassing
28:30embarrassing
28:31the only thing is embarrassing
28:32you trying to give up that old ass
28:33damn
28:34hey
28:36hey
28:37and what Korean woman did you scout to get that damn wig
28:39hello y'all
28:42hey
28:47yes
28:48you know let me tell you
28:49you know how hard it is to be a celebrity
28:51okay
28:52let me tell you first of all
28:53you know you're making crazy loot
28:55crazy loot
28:56and you're being loved
28:57and you're being adored
28:59by everybody
29:00they love you cause you're a diva
29:02a diva
29:03a diva
29:04and you know it's just
29:05all that money how hard it is
29:07you stay exhausted
29:08counting all that money gets piled up
29:10high
29:11and speaking of high
29:12Bobby
29:13Bobby
29:14tell him Bobby
29:15tell him Bobby
29:16yeah I ain't
29:17I ain't never even heard of
29:19it till I woke up exhausted
29:21right
29:22cause my Bobby Bobby
29:24yes
29:25he had it
29:26and you know what
29:27the tabloids okay
29:28the tabloids had the nerve to say
29:29that he was up all night
29:31smoking
29:32pot
29:33and drinking
29:34which was a
29:35look at me look at me
29:36total eye
29:37matter of fact
29:39let me tell you something
29:40I'm gonna set the record straight
29:41yes
29:42the reason why I was suffering
29:43from this celebrity exhaustion
29:44mhm
29:45was due
29:46bitch
29:49was due to my hectic recording schedule
29:51yes
29:52do you know
29:53do you know how hard it is for Bobby to record an outgoing message on our answering machine
29:56bitch
29:57bitch
29:58just get in front
29:59you ain't got to argue with me
30:00what the fuck
30:01what the fuck
30:02what the fuck
30:04wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait
30:10ladies and gentlemen
30:12please welcome Miss Angelina Jolie
30:16Did you ever love someone so much
30:31That you wanted to stab them in their sleep
30:33But I'm not here to talk about love
30:37I'm here to talk about celebrity exhaustion
30:42Celebrity exhaustion
30:44Was first discovered in 1983 by Liza Minnelli's publicist
30:50Since then
30:53Celebrity exhaustion has become an epidemic
30:58Of epidemic proportions
31:00I'm so exhausted right now
31:08I just want to leave
31:10Where's my brother?
31:14Who the white woman in the house?
31:30Who the white woman over there?
31:32Oh lord, who the hell popped that ass on that mouth?
31:37What are you doing?
31:39What you, we got, you gonna play me like that?
31:41No, get, wait, why you having me?
31:43Bitch, get it, let me tell you something, bitch
31:45Okay, I'm from Jersey
31:46Don't touch my man, I will beat your ass
31:48You know, I cut myself
31:51I'm not afraid to cut you too
31:52Oh, let me tell you something
31:54My man been to jail ten times and got twelve kids
31:58Let's go
31:58That sucked blood for a midnight snap
32:01Uh-huh
32:03Hey
32:04The Celebrity Exhaustion Telephone will continue in a moment
32:11Ladies and gentlemen
32:24Please welcome this year's Celebrity Exhaustion poster child
32:28Brandy
32:29And the always exhausting
32:30Robin Williams
32:32Oh my god, what an incredibly wonderful place
32:42But who the hell does your decorating?
32:43Oh, and take a look over here
32:44What's going on?
32:45Fluffy, I remember you when you were in my backyard
32:47A lot more fun now
32:48Here we go
32:48Oh my god, what's going on?
32:50Mountaintops, no-nos
32:51Here we go, let's play a game
32:52Oh my god, let's see what's going on here
32:54And it's the Tim Burton car wash
32:56Who wants to play along?
32:57And we're back
32:57Oh my god
32:59Now we're back to driving Miss Brandy
33:00I was supposed to drive you to the store
33:02Come on, let's play that funky music
33:03Get down, get up again
33:05Here we go
33:05Oh my god, we're playing a game
33:07And it's not even that much fun
33:08Until you think about it what it is
33:09And that's what it was
33:10And here it is, coming at you
33:11Okay
33:11Think about it
33:14There's such things as a shot of Brandy
33:15And then a splash of color
33:16A little throat pill would make this
33:18Whole stage come to light
33:19Here we go
33:19Run, run, run, run
33:20Okay, I don't know what is more tiring, okay
33:22Your act
33:23Or that weed with them Krispy Kreme things
33:26Still on my head
33:26Hey, Rob
33:29Echo, bitch
33:30I'm a diva
33:30I'm a diva
33:31Diva
33:32Welcome back to Star Wars
33:34Here we go, okay
33:35Celebrity exhaustion
33:36It's incredibly bad
33:38And amazingly sad
33:40All the six stars in wheelchairs
33:42Saying
33:42Come on, Robin, okay
33:46The show is only about 12 hours long
33:48Stick to the cue cards
33:49Whitney Houston, we have a problem
33:51And that problem is celebrity exhaustion
33:58Come on, give us your dollars
34:00E.T., phone home
34:01Give money
34:02Come on, let's take a look at the table
34:03Here we go
34:04I don't even know why you sick
34:26We got four whole hours of this
34:27All right, how about some ice cream
34:44Mmm, make it under
34:47Thank you
34:50Oh, my God
35:03Oh, my God
35:05That smells so good, we could eat it.
35:25Do me now!
35:30You want mine to smell like a real?
35:46Grab a real shot, and I suppose you want dessert.
35:50Yes.
36:00Alright, how about some ice cream?
36:15Oh yeah!
36:17Oh yeah!
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