00:00 But that madman, the self-proclaimed Bishop of the Ruins, is our biggest critic.
00:05 He calls our playing the devil's bagpipes.
00:08 Welcome to Mojo Plays, and today we're counting down our picks for the moments in the Assassin's Creed franchise that gave us a laugh.
00:16 Give us a hug.
00:18 Before we begin, we publish new content all week long, so be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to get notified about our latest videos.
00:30 Ezio's Cameo - Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag
00:34 Ezio Auditore da Firenze is many players' favorite, and we give anything for one more game with the Italian assassin.
00:46 However, we'll have to settle for this subtle cameo for the moment.
00:50 In the Assassin's Creed IV Black Flag mission, A Governor No Longer, Edward Kenway is tasked with tailing and eventually assassinating an Italian diplomat, Ruggiero Faro.
01:02 Well, Faro isn't a fan of anywhere other than Italy, apparently, as he trashes his surroundings and the Brits for the entire tale.
01:17 At one point, he even says, "Oh, how I miss the warm and winding streets of Firenze."
01:23 He is voiced by none other than Ezio's voice actor, Roger Craig Smith.
01:28 Fun fact, the character's name translates loosely to Roger Blacksmith. See what they did there?
01:39 Age is just a number - Assassin's Creed Odyssey
01:46 AC Odyssey has a ton of side quests, some interesting, some dull, and some disturbing.
01:54 A side quest in Focus puts Cassandra or Alexios in charge of seeking Bearscrotum and Deertongue in order to make an elixir to re-spark the love lives of an older couple.
02:05 Think ancient Grecian Viagra. There's nothing like putting your life in peril in order to provide Grandma and Grandpa with a cure for erectile dysfunction.
02:14 Upon returning with the ingredients, Gramps is terrified of his future exertions. So what's Amistios to do?
02:22 Well, you can choose to bed Granny and give the old man a few days' respite.
02:27 Or you can just take the money and run. Your choice. But we won't kiss and tell.
02:43 Duccio De Luca shows up multiple times in Ezio's trilogy.
02:48 He is a swarmy, predatory creep who first appears in AC2 in one of the introductory scenes.
02:54 He has been unfaithful to Claudio Auditore and Ezio beats him up, much to our delight.
03:08 He again appears in AC Brotherhood, still being a creep, this time with many cronies.
03:14 Ezio kicks his and his cronies' collective asses. Duccio really asks for it, honestly.
03:30 He appears a third and final time in AC Revelations, first an honorable mention in Ezio's minstrel song, later in his attempt to woo Sofia.
03:40 This time, Duccio is absolutely and hilariously terrified of Ezio. According to AC lore, he eventually dies of rabies, which seems fitting.
03:52 "Piss liquor!"
03:54 Sparta's Olympic Champion - Assassin's Creed Odyssey
03:59 "I hope you're ready!"
04:02 With a game this big, there is an elevated likelihood of schoolyard humor.
04:08 One of the quests in AC Odyssey, Delivering a Champion, requires the escort of Spartan champion Testicles to the Olympic Games in Elis.
04:17 Like the stereotype, Testicles the athlete lacks in brains what he makes up in Brawn. He also loves wine.
04:25 This is ultimately a lethal combination. Upon arriving at the Games, he drunkenly trips and falls into the ocean, only to be promptly eaten by sharks.
04:42 The lore reveals that Testicles has a twin brother Testiclose, because of course he does.
04:47 His twin is a mercenary and goes by the moniker Testiclose the Nut. Get it?
04:52 "I set sail soon. I want you to be with me when I do."
04:56 Father and Son - Assassin's Creed III
04:59 "What stayed your hand?"
05:02 "Curiosity. Any other questions?"
05:06 Though Connor isn't much of a laugh riot, AC III still provides us with some subtle humor.
05:12 Connor's father is Templar Grandmaster, Hathem Kenway, and the two coincidentally meet and end up working together for a while.
05:20 The father-son dynamic is quick to follow and it's definitely entertaining, with Connor basically being an angry teenager and Hathem his strict and serious dad.
05:31 "Good. I would like to have those supplies returned as soon as possible."
05:35 "Of course. I wouldn't want to keep you from your lost cause. Come along then, follow me."
05:40 As the two travel together, we see the typical interactions of a father and child, including criticizing Connor's driving, steering the ship, and the classic "because I said so" moments.
05:51 The conclusion between the two men isn't so great, but these prior moments provide some nice comic relief.
05:58 "I will not weep and wonder what might have been. I'm sure you understand."
06:04 "What's a matter?" Assassin's Creed Brotherhood.
06:07 If you were holed up underground for long periods of time surrounded by buzzing computers and a snarky, obnoxious Englishman, what would you do in your spare time?
06:16 In AC Brotherhood, we get a little moment in which Desmond Miles is taking a break.
06:21 He approaches the statue of Altair and asks, "Hey, what's a matter you, Altair?"
06:27 Rebecca chimes in from her post, claiming it's racist, leading to a sort of sibling tiff. It definitely gave us a laugh.
06:35 The two are shushed by Mama Lucy as she reminds them of the task at hand. "Behave, children."
06:41 "Look, everyone's under a lot of pressure." The Prodigy. Assassin's Creed Valhalla.
06:46 "Go back to the hellhole you crawled out of. This is our home."
06:52 When AC Valhalla was in its programming stage in 2019, British musician and The Prodigy frontman Keith Flint passed away.
07:01 His memory was honored in an AC side mission aptly named The Prodigy.
07:06 Eivor comes upon a group of musicians in an argument with a bishop.
07:10 The group's spiky-haired leader, Keith, complains of the bishops' rantings about their "devil music."
07:16 After attempting to reason with him, Eivor ends up in a fistfight with the clergyman, which of course ends with the Norseman prevailing.
07:23 Keith is then free to play as he pleases and is inspired by Eivor to sing a new tune, "Smack My Bishop."
07:30 If you know, you know.
07:32 "May you continue to make merry harmonies." "Smack my bishop! Smack my bishop!"
07:38 The Stink Eye. Assassin's Creed Odyssey.
07:41 "No one on this island is allowed to say that word!"
07:46 "Did he say 'Cyclops' or did he hurt your feelings?"
07:50 "I don't like it when people call me that!"
07:52 As seen previously, AC Odyssey has interesting quests and a strange sense of humor at times.
07:59 Do you want a ship? Well, you'll have to shove a fake eye into a goat's butt.
08:04 No, really.
08:05 Cassandra Aurelixios shows up at Crimeboss the Cyclops' hideout in Kleptos Bay carrying his lost false eye.
08:12 Instead of handing it over, however, the Spartan shoves it into the nearest goat's rear end.
08:18 Cue battle, everyone dies, Barnabus is rescued, and the ship is yours.
08:23 Oh, and if you want the eye back, you can return and murder random goats until you loot it.
08:29 This will actually grant you a secret achievement called Stink Eye.
08:34 "Go get it!"
08:36 What part of France? Assassin's Creed Brotherhood.
08:42 "You speak French?"
08:44 "There were a couple of French girls in Firenze."
08:47 The story of Ubisoft is an elaborate one.
08:50 The company actually started out in early 1980s France as a farming support business,
08:56 then moved on to the software game, settling in gaming by the late 80s.
09:01 The studio began branching out worldwide over time, establishing a major studio in Montreal, Quebec in 1997.
09:09 The Montreal studio developed Assassin's Creed in 2007,
09:13 and has since become the principal hub for development of the subsequent games.
09:17 As a result of this, they snuck a little nod to themselves in AC Brotherhood.
09:22 Ezio is disguised as a French guard, and upon being questioned as to what part of France he hails from,
09:28 he shouts, "Montreal! Well played."
09:31 "Que venez-vous faire ici?"
09:33 "Mes soldats rejouissent le capitaine italien en son excellence, le Baron. Ils vous sourondent."
09:39 "What part of France are you from?"
09:42 "Montréal!"
09:43 It's a who? Assassin's Creed 2.
09:46 "You want to leave Ezio? To throw away everything your father fought and died for?"
09:51 We couldn't leave this gem out of our list.
09:54 It's an AC classic.
09:56 AC2 has its many comedic moments, from Ezio's snarky taunts to the boisterous Bartholomew, and much more.
10:03 Admit it, you need a bit of comic relief after watching the tragedies unfold.
10:08 One of the most memorable moments is Ezio meeting his uncle.
10:12 He's Italian, he's portly, he has a mustache, and his name is Mario.
10:18 So how else can he introduce himself?
10:21 It's a small but hilarious moment, and a clever nod to Nintendo's plumber hero, Mario.
10:27 The comparison stops at the name.
10:29 "Do I know you from somewhere? Don't you recognize me?"
10:33 "It's-a me, Mario!"
10:35 Which Assassin's Creed moments had you laughing out loud? Let us know in the comments.
10:41 "All things get better with age, don't they? Even you."
10:45 Check out these other great clips from Mojo Plays.
10:48 And be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to get notified about our latest videos.
10:52 [outro music]
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