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00:00What goes on?
00:30Do it!
00:31Do it!
00:32Do it!
00:33Do it!
00:34Do it!
00:35Do it!
00:36Do it!
00:37Dust off your telly, find the remote and reattach your arm.
00:42It's Friday, we're live and it's time for the last leg.
00:48Tonight on the show, we ask if Donald Trump has served up peace in the Middle East,
00:53find a few faults with recent immigration coverage
00:56and show a bit of love to some sumos.
00:59Plus we'll be joined by comedians Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner
01:03on the show that's not afraid to take a swing at the news.
01:24G'day!
01:26Hello!
01:28Oh my goodness!
01:29Oh my goodness!
01:30Oh my goodness!
01:32Oh my goodness!
01:34G'day, I'm Adam Hills.
01:35Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that's definitely not part of a Chinese plot to destabilise British culture.
01:40With me as always is the pride of Dartmoor Josh Whittacombe and the man who thought MI5 was a 90s boy band, Alex Brookha!
01:46Now, a lot has happened to us over the last six months, a lot's happened in the news, we'll get to that.
01:58The biggest thing for me, I just want to say this, I went to the Paris Standing Tennis World Championships in Barcelona in June.
02:04I came home with this as a doubles world champion.
02:08Oh!
02:09Oh wow!
02:10Oh wow!
02:11You know what?
02:14Yeah.
02:15Very impressed, it's a lovely trophy, it's amazing what you can buy at Timpson's at an hour's notice.
02:24It's the only trophy in sport that looks like the head of a Power Ranger.
02:28What for?
02:29You don't want them Mexican wrestling masks.
02:31It does.
02:32Old Limpo Libre over there.
02:35It is very impressive.
02:37Very excited.
02:38I won with my partner Alex Hunt, who is my favourite disabled...
02:41Sounds a bit like a thing you say to me sometimes.
02:47Sorry, he is my favourite disabled person called Alex.
02:51LAUGHTER
02:54Um, here is the winning moment.
02:57Oh.
03:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:16I'm not!
03:21I'm not like a tennis expert, but just on the basis of that clip...
03:28Yeah.
03:29It feels like the other guy hits it a lot.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Like, your partner, he hit it, he hits it a lot, doesn't he?
03:38Yeah, he does.
03:39It does kind of...
03:40Hilsie does it, Hilsie takes...
03:41Hilsie does it share.
03:42You did share.
03:43They cut out the bit where Hilsie carried the rackets to the court.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:46It feels...
03:47The other guy is really good though, isn't he?
03:49Oh, yeah, look.
03:50I've said it before, I'll say it again.
03:51Tennis is like life.
03:52It helps if you've got the right partner.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54And mine is 31, really fit in a former professional tennis player.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58And to my credit, I did do a lot on the court.
04:01I know you didn't see it there, but a lot of points,
04:03I shouted the word yours.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:06LAUGHTER
04:07Very loudly.
04:10So, that was my last six months.
04:13Josh, big news for you.
04:14I've moved home to Devon.
04:16You have moved home?
04:17Come home to Devon.
04:18Yeah.
04:19Genuinely, I've bought a house and the reason,
04:24and this may be a mistake, this is 100% true,
04:28we were walking around the house and within a minute,
04:30the estate agent said,
04:31you're not going to believe who used to live here.
04:34Mm-hmm.
04:35Noel Edmonds.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37Wow.
04:38And what am I if not Noel Edmonds for the TikTok generation?
04:41LAUGHTER
04:42Please tell me you had to call up to make an offer.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:46So, yeah, it's not, just to be clear,
04:48it's not Crinkly Bottom, just to be clear,
04:50we haven't got a gunge tank in our sitting room.
04:52But that is the rumour about it.
04:54And, like, and I didn't think it was true,
04:56but I'm still getting his post.
04:58Look, here we go.
04:59Mm-hmm.
05:00To Noel Edmonds.
05:01Yeah.
05:02So I just open it, fuck it.
05:03He's in New Zealand who gives a shit.
05:05It's normally something pretty inoffensive,
05:07but, um, what's this?
05:09Oh, dear.
05:10This doesn't look good.
05:12We have Mr. Blobby.
05:14LAUGHTER
05:16Well, that looks...
05:17And to show we're serious, oh, what is this?
05:20Oh, God, they've got...
05:22LAUGHTER
05:24Look, I...
05:27I'm hoping it's a finger.
05:29LAUGHTER
05:35Otherwise, Mrs. Blobby's probably not going to want him back.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39Erm...
05:40I'll take it on if it's going.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:43You had a big achievement of your own.
05:45Yeah, I did.
05:46I had a massive achievement this summer.
05:49I painted a lot of roundabouts.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:53LAUGHTER
05:54You'd have been so proud how neat I was.
05:56No, erm, so...
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58So, er, yes, so I now have a title of my own as officially
06:02er, the person with the smallest hands in my house.
06:07Because the other day, my seven...
06:09Your hamster died?
06:10No!
06:11LAUGHTER
06:12My seven-year-old daughter, er, for some reason, she just went,
06:15Daddy, put your hand up next to mine.
06:17And I noticed at that moment...
06:18Oh, no.
06:19..that, yes, she...
06:20I ha...
06:21I now have the hands of a seven-year-old girl.
06:23Er, look at that.
06:24She's got bigger...
06:25bigger...
06:26bigger hands than me.
06:27Which, do you know what?
06:28Isn't...
06:29Isn't all...
06:30Bad news, really?
06:31Yeah.
06:32Because I tell you what, she's got some mittens I've had my eye on
06:33for fucking ages.
06:34LAUGHTER
06:35I tell you what, you're going to see me at the arsehole scene
06:37with a pair of K-pop demon-hunter mittens.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40She's getting too big for them.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43So, yeah, but, er, um...
06:45So, yeah, I've got...
06:46Oh, dear, that's really...
06:47That's disgusting.
06:49LAUGHTER
06:50Genuinely, that's really hard of making it up.
06:53But, yeah, it wasn't, er, it wasn't, er,
06:55kind of all good news for me over the summer
06:58because, er, I've realised that I'm starting to go grey.
07:03Oh!
07:04My beard's going grey.
07:05Now, I always thought this is a trade-off,
07:07this whole hands-and-foot thing.
07:09I thought that they'd go,
07:10Do you know what?
07:11Obviously, some bits you don't have, but you'll always...
07:13In my head, I was like,
07:14but I just will never go...
07:15Things are going grey.
07:16Even though, obviously, I realise that, with you,
07:18that clearly has happened.
07:19LAUGHTER
07:20But I never, like...
07:21I never...
07:22I've noticed it.
07:23Like, with you, like,
07:24I always just imagined you being, like, old,
07:26but now, like, I'm...
07:27LAUGHTER
07:28It's, like, in my beard,
07:29and it's, like, obviously, no, I can't...
07:31I can't dye the beard because I'm colour-blind,
07:33and I'm not rolling that dice.
07:35LAUGHTER
07:37So...
07:38I know...
07:39Don't panic.
07:40Look, I mean, I'm...
07:41Did you get grey hairs on the fake leg as well?
07:43LAUGHTER
07:44Look, I'm here to let you know, it's fine.
07:47You know, if you become a silver fox,
07:49I think you're going to look great.
07:50We've made up a mock-up of what Alex will look like
07:52in 20 years' time.
07:53LAUGHTER
07:55LAUGHTER
07:56I really kind of am...
07:57I really am on my way to, like, my ideal job
08:00of being, like, a shopping centre Santa.
08:02LAUGHTER
08:04You look like the head of an ad company
08:06who's about to lose his job to AI.
08:08LAUGHTER
08:10Um, by the way, this is what Josh will look like
08:12in 20 years' time.
08:13LAUGHTER
08:14APPLAUSE
08:15LAUGHTER
08:16No, I'm kidding, this is what Josh will look like
08:27in 20 years' time.
08:28LAUGHTER
08:29Jesus Christ, you look like Harold Shipman!
08:32LAUGHTER
08:34It's like the pensioners shitting themselves!
08:38LAUGHTER
08:39My God!
08:40All right, we are live on your television.
08:42LAUGHTER
08:43Would you like to see God a lot earlier than you thought?
08:46LAUGHTER
08:47Would you like to see me in your will?
08:49LAUGHTER
08:50Um, which means you can, uh, send us any questions
08:52you want to ask us about the news,
08:53message us on Instagram, the hashtag is OK.
08:56Um, use WhatsApp, the number is 07956175908,
09:00or you can scan the QR code on the screen.
09:03For example, uh, is it OK that after six months off-air
09:06we're back refreshed with a whole bunch of new insights
09:08into the news?
09:09Yes.
09:10Is it OK that none of it will be as funny
09:11as this incredible moment from the traitors
09:13during the week?
09:15Welcome to the worst team-building away day
09:18experience in history.
09:21Mm-hm.
09:22LAUGHTER
09:26What just happened?
09:27I just farted.
09:28LAUGHTER
09:31I'm so sorry.
09:32I'm so sorry.
09:35It's nerves.
09:36But I always own up.
09:38I know.
09:39I always own up to.
09:40LAUGHTER
09:41APPLAUSE
09:42You can't even trust your bowels on that show.
09:52LAUGHTER
09:53One thing we know about the British public,
09:55you love an old fart on television.
09:57LAUGHTER
09:58I'd love it if in years to come
09:59we'd look back on the BAFTA moments of the year,
10:01and 2024 was Chris McCausland dancing on Strictly,
10:04and then 2025 is Celia Imrie farting on Strictly.
10:06LAUGHTER
10:07And now, look, we have prepared a show for you tonight,
10:09but in the last few hours,
10:11it's been revealed that Prince Andrew
10:13has decided to give up all his royal titles,
10:16which means the Duke of York is up for grabs.
10:19Ironically, that's what got him into trouble in the first place.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:24APPLAUSE
10:26Yeah.
10:28Uh...
10:29What the...?
10:30Could I...
10:31Can I be the first to refer to him
10:33as the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew?
10:35LAUGHTER
10:36Lovely.
10:37It must be quite...
10:38It must be quite stressful for him,
10:39all of this going on today.
10:41He's probably sat home just thinking,
10:42I just need to get away.
10:43If I only had a mate who had an island,
10:45I could have gone to.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:47But the most incredible thing I've thought about it is,
10:49he said he's giving it up after discussions.
10:52After discussions with the king.
10:54After discussions with the king.
10:55That's like me saying,
10:56I gave up my right foot after discussions with my surgeon.
10:59It was going.
11:00LAUGHTER
11:01Well, he didn't even say I'm giving them up.
11:03He said, I'm not using them anymore.
11:05Yeah.
11:06It was the letter he said.
11:07So that would be like you having your foot amputated
11:09and then saying,
11:10oh, I haven't given it up, I'm just not using them.
11:12LAUGHTER
11:14Look, on the other news now,
11:16the question of the week is,
11:17has Donald Trump solved world peace?
11:19Because this week the tangerine tyrant
11:21became the pumpkin-faced peacemaker
11:23when he announced a ceasefire agreement
11:25had been reached between Israel and Hamas.
11:27Lee Allen said,
11:28Is it OK?
11:29I felt like I was living in a parallel universe
11:31when Donald Trump was the one that brought peace
11:33to the Middle East.
11:34I know, it's weird, right?
11:36Donald Trump did something good.
11:38It's like being reminded that Jimmy Savile
11:40raised money for charity.
11:41LAUGHTER
11:47Does Donald Trump deserve credit this week?
11:50LAUGHTER
11:51I think there's level...
11:52I think you've got to judge,
11:53you've got to give him some credit.
11:54Yeah.
11:55There's obviously a scale, isn't there?
11:56So there's the top level of credit,
11:57which would be like, you know,
11:59Diego Maradona winning the 1986 World Cup single-handedly.
12:03Yeah.
12:04That'd be like ten,
12:05and then zero,
12:06which is what you brought to the Paris standing tennis.
12:08LAUGHTER
12:10I don't think he's somewhere in between that.
12:13Mm-hm.
12:14I kind of go, fair play?
12:16Fair play to him,
12:17but it just feels like so out of character.
12:20For someone like him just to be so peaceful.
12:23You know like when you see like a video pop up on Instagram?
12:25Mm-hm.
12:26Like a gorilla,
12:27and it's become friends of a little kitten.
12:29Yeah.
12:30And you go, everything about me says
12:31this should have ended fucking badly.
12:33LAUGHTER
12:34He's just not, like,
12:35he's just not in his character.
12:37To want peace.
12:38Mr Gizu can't go a day on social media
12:40without saying he hates someone.
12:41He tweets in capital.
12:43LAUGHTER
12:44Well, he released a 20-point peace plan for Gaza,
12:46and maybe there is something in it for Donald Trump,
12:49because point ten of the 20-point peace plan says...
12:53It's difficult to say, isn't it?
12:54It is.
12:55Point ten is this.
12:56A Trump economic development plan to rebuild and energise Gaza
12:59will be created by a panel of experts.
13:02So Donald Trump's best mate destroyed a city
13:04with weapons supplied by Donald Trump,
13:06and now Donald Trump will be in charge of the redevelopment.
13:09I just think, because Trump economic development plan,
13:12that's essentially, that's branding.
13:13Yeah.
13:14And I know a lot of the world is branded these days,
13:16but I don't feel like, like, branding is something that should
13:19come into, like, peace, peace agreements.
13:22Mm-hm.
13:23You know, like, if it was, like,
13:24the Select Carlees and Good Friday Agreement.
13:26LAUGHTER
13:27Or the Geneva Convention in association with Domino.
13:30Hoo-hoo!
13:31LAUGHTER
13:33LAUGHTER
13:34It's not about the same.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:41So I guess...
13:42I guess the big question is,
13:43how much of this was Donald Trump trying to get
13:45the Nobel Peace Prize?
13:46And does it matter?
13:48Well, in a way, it doesn't matter,
13:49because him just wanting to win a prize
13:51is probably the most innocent motive he's ever had in anything.
13:55LAUGHTER
13:56Yeah.
13:57And also, maybe it means we could just encourage him
13:58to do other stuff with prizes.
14:00If he's that simple in pleas,
14:02you just go,
14:03Yeah.
14:04Have you heard about the prize for the man
14:05who stops global warming?
14:06Yeah, yeah.
14:07Or have you heard about the prize for the man
14:09who does Home Alone 3?
14:11Just stuff like that.
14:12LAUGHTER
14:13Oh, yes, please.
14:14Oh, but...
14:15The thing is, I think it's such a motivation...
14:17Genuinely, for him, he desperately wants
14:19the Nobel Peace Prize.
14:21Yeah.
14:22And I do feel like it's like, you know,
14:23when your kids want, like, time on the iPad?
14:24Yeah.
14:25You know, Melania's been going around the house
14:26just going,
14:27I'll tell you what, Donald,
14:28if you're tired of your room,
14:29you get a couple of hours on the Nobel Peace Prize.
14:30LAUGHTER
14:32He looks like he's got a token for a trolley.
14:34LAUGHTER
14:35He looks like a grandfather clock.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:37Two seconds after that,
14:38another assassination attempt failed
14:39because it hit him on that thing.
14:40LAUGHTER
14:41He looks a bit like Flavor Flav.
14:42Between them, the two of them are public enemy.
14:44It's worth pointing out, Bo,
14:45though, that while Trump is angling for the Nobel Peace Prize,
14:46back home, another one of his critics has just been indicted
14:48and may now face court.
14:49That's the third Trump critic to be indicted
14:50in the past few weeks.
14:51Which is why I'm going to say it right now.
14:52I think Donald Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
14:53LAUGHTER
14:54And I'm not just saying that because I want to be let
14:55into the United States in 2028 for the Paralympics in Los Angeles.
14:57I've always said it.
14:58How many times have I said it?
14:59Oh, you've always said it.
15:00You've always said it.
15:01You've always said it.
15:02You've always said it.
15:03You've always said it.
15:04You've always said it.
15:05You always talked about tennis,
15:07Donald Trump's Peace Prize.
15:08Yeah, look, here's evidence.
15:09I've actually said it on the show.
15:10Can I just say that Donald Trump...
15:11..is the other one of his critics has just been indicted
15:13and may now face court?
15:14That's the third Trump critic to be indicted
15:16in the past few weeks.
15:17Which is why I'm going to say it right now.
15:18I think that Donald Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
15:20And I'm not just saying that
15:21because I want to be let into the United States in 2028
15:25for the Paralympics in Los Angeles.
15:27I've always said it.
15:28How many times have I said it?
15:29You've always said it.
15:30You've always said it.
15:31You've always said it.
15:32So great surely he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize
15:44See you in 2028 America
15:47By the way, if you're wondering how much input Keir Starmer had this week into what that whole deal this cringe-worthy clip
15:52Sums up how important he was to the process
15:55Where's the United Kingdom? Where's our friend?
16:02Is everything going good? Very good
16:04It's very nice of you here
16:06These people all came in like
16:0820-minute notice
16:10And I think it's interesting
16:14You know, he says like, where's United Kingdom? Where's our friend? He's forgotten his name
16:20Oh, absolutely
16:22You know when you've forgotten, so here he is
16:24Here he is, here he is, here he is
16:26You're our buddy, here's our specs
16:28This guy, this guy
16:30Here he is my man
16:32Donald Trump calls him up, then won't let him near the microphone
16:34His summer is like the posh spice of world leaders
16:38The irony is Tony Blair seems to have done most of the work on the deal
16:41And considering his record in the Middle East, that would make him scary spice
16:44Graham messaged us on Instagram to say
16:46Is it okay Donald Trump seems more concerned with how he looks on the cover of Time magazine
16:50Than with what's happening in Gaza
16:52Yeah, so Donald Trump made the cover of Time magazine this week
16:55He was less impressed, less than impressed with this grandiose shot
16:59He didn't like that at all
17:01It looks like he's mistakenly taken a selfie on the way to work
17:08He just looked at his phone, he's got 15 of those photos
17:10He went on Truth Social and he wrote
17:14Time magazine wrote a relatively good story about me
17:17But the picture may be the worst of all time
17:19They disappeared my hair
17:21And then had something floating on top of my head that looked like a floating crown
17:25But an extremely small one, really weird
17:27I mean Time is definitely disappearing his hair, but not the magazine
17:33It's kind of amazing that someone's skin can be so thin while wearing so many layers of makeup
17:37All right, it does kind of look like an orangutan squatting over a mirror
17:42But do you not like, in fairness, I don't want this to be like all defending him
17:50But that photo, like if that was someone took that of you
17:53You ain't sticking that on your Instagram mate
17:55That ain't making the gram
17:56Absolutely
17:57No
17:58One of the things that he mentioned like the hair and the crown and everything
18:00He doesn't mention his neck, how bad his neck looks
18:03And for me, that's the worst part
18:05I think he didn't want to admit he's got a neck gina
18:19His tie is literally grabbing him by the pussy
18:21So it's interesting to you, I see bollocks, I see nexticles
18:28Yeah, it's like a weird Rorschach technique
18:34But to be fair, you make a good point
18:36I mean, I think we'd all be annoyed if we were on the cover of Time Magazine
18:39With our least favourite photos
18:40Yeah
18:41So, and to prove a point, we've mocked them up
18:43This is Time Magazine with my least favourite photo of it
18:46That's me really angry on the rugby pitch
18:49And the reason I'm really angry is because I was chasing Alex
18:55That was the first time you said Alex Hunt
18:58That was amazing
18:59That was amazing
19:00Josh, if we imagine, imagine you
19:01Yeah, I know what this is going to be
19:02Yeah
19:03And this is the cover we use
19:05It was a different time, it was a different time
19:11A better time
19:13And Alex, I mean we've gone through to find a photo of you
19:16Imagine it
19:17Alex Brooker, the cover of Time Magazine
19:19Yeah
19:20And this is what they use
19:21Oh, Jesus Christ
19:24I look like, I look like King Charles is going to take my titles away
19:28To be fair, you are the same colour as Trump in that picture
19:32Alright, let's welcome tonight's guest
19:34She's a comedian who streams online
19:36He's a comedian who streams three times a night
19:38Please welcome Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner
19:40Hi, Stevie, Frank, welcome to the show
19:57What are your thoughts on the Middle East?
20:00Oh, I've solved it
20:02Have you?
20:03No
20:04And I can't
20:06And I won't be doing it now live
20:08Frank?
20:09I like the speech that he did to the, whatever they call, the kinetic in Israel
20:17When I like it, when he goes off autocue and starts doing new material
20:21It's really, he could say anything
20:24And when he tried to get Netanyahu a pardon and stuff, it was brilliant
20:28But I agree with you, it's, when bad guys start doing good things
20:32You don't know how to respond
20:34Yeah
20:35Like when the tourists start, like, woman leader, woman leader, brown man, black woman
20:39You think, well, you just, you're the bad guys, what are you doing?
20:44Meet Sir Keir Starmer
20:47So, I, he has got peace, it seems
20:50Yeah, who knew?
20:52And I really felt sorry for him on Time Magazine
20:55Because I, I got, um, vid, well, shot, filmed recently
21:00And it was quite windy
21:03And when I watched it back, I could see my throat was moving
21:07Like a chicken's waffle
21:09Yeah, just moving
21:11No, you don't want that
21:12Listen, I want to throw some more political news at you this week
21:14Um, former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
21:17Oh
21:18Has been caught in steamy photos with pop star Katy Perry
21:22Yeah
21:23Ah, that's, I mean, that's what you, known as a, used to be in power couple
21:27How, how do I, I mean
21:29She, sorry
21:31No, go on, I'm just saying
21:32The, the, the, the other famous one is her with Orlando Bloom
21:35And he's got his knob out, isn't it?
21:36Yeah
21:37Though at least it's not that
21:38On the paddle board, yeah
21:39Yeah
21:40I always think, he's behind the standing up
21:42I always think she didn't know
21:45And he's, his penis is sort of here
21:48Yeah, it's like this
21:49She's sort of going
21:50What is that?
21:52Hang on
21:53Where's the blobby, where's the blobby finger?
21:54We'll recreate it
21:55Oh, sorry
21:56Yeah, sure
21:57There you go
21:58There we go
21:59There we go
22:00There we go
22:06Um, it was, he wasn't in full bloom
22:09Is it true you met Justin Trudeau?
22:14Yeah, I was at the Montreal Comedy Festival
22:16You know when you do comedy abroad
22:18You try and find someone who lives there
22:21Yeah
22:22Who you can sit with and go through your material
22:24To see if all the references are there
22:26And I said to these guys
22:27I need to talk to a Canadian
22:29And they said, well there's the Canadian you should talk to
22:32I didn't know who he was
22:33And I said, can I, can I ask you some questions about references for Canada?
22:38And he went, um, yeah
22:41So I sat down
22:42And this is my act
22:43You know what my act is like?
22:45It's borderline disgusting
22:47And I was saying, do they say teabagging in Canada?
22:53And he said, er, that sounds very English
22:58Which it does when you stand back from him
23:00But I had, I had no idea
23:03That he was the son of the president
23:05When he became president
23:06I didn't recognise him
23:08Because when I met him in Montreal
23:09He was in blackface
23:14But yeah, so I was asking Justin Trudeau
23:17To explain Canadian references
23:20Did he have his knob out?
23:21Not, not immediately
23:24Sure
23:25As we got closer
23:27Meanwhile, er, a book this week alleges Margaret Thatcher
23:31Had at least two affairs while she was in office
23:34That's right, turns out the lady was for turning
23:38How do we feel about Margaret Thatcher having an affair?
23:40Whilst in office?
23:41Does anyone care?
23:42Well...
23:43Good honour?
23:44Yeah
23:45I interviewed Carol Thatcher once, her daughter
23:48And she said when I was growing up, the motto in our house was
23:52Just get on with it
23:54And I thought, that's what you want to hear in the bedroom
23:56Yeah
23:59My kind of woman
24:00I can imagine
24:01I mean, I've always really fancied the tiger in Kung Fu Panda
24:10And she's got that intimidating, slightly scary thing
24:15I did think lots of people would go, yeah
24:23No
24:24Nothing
24:25No
24:26I mean the panda, clearly
24:28Stevie
24:31Stevie, what did you make, like, of Trump's time cover
24:34Like, is there an awkward photo of you you wouldn't want to see in public?
24:38Oh, I don't know, Alec, I'm not successful enough to have that many photos
24:41But when you Google me, the photo isn't me
24:47It's a lovely woman
24:49Oh, yeah, we've got a copy
24:51Have you got...
24:52Oh, yeah, that's me
24:53Yeah
24:54Her name's Stevie Simonette Martin
24:56She's from Atlanta
24:57And if you go to...
24:58Who is she?
24:59Yeah, she's a makeup artist
25:01I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to go to America
25:04At some point and get a selfie with her
25:07And put it as my Wikipedia page
25:09And then the internet will just explode
25:11And so then...
25:12So, ideally, your worst time cover would be this?
25:15I guess so
25:18Which feels...
25:19She looks amazing
25:20She does?
25:21I could never wear that
25:22I'm good for her
25:23And Frank, look, just, you know, so you're not left out
25:25We've done a bit of research to find out what might be the worst photo to put of you
25:28So many times...
25:29My wife recently described our 13-year-old son as a good-looking version of me
25:36LAUGHTER
25:38Well, this is your time cover
25:41LAUGHTER
25:43Oh, yeah
25:44Yeah
25:45All right, well, listen, we'll have one last link for you after the break
25:47We're going to cover immigration issues with this guy
25:52Buh!
25:55We'll see you in a little bit
25:56APPLAUSE
26:13Welcome back to The Last Leg
26:14We've joined by Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner
26:16Time for a headline now
26:17I never thought I'd be saying on television
26:19Paddington Bear is suing Spitting Image
26:22Actually, the makers of Paddington are suing the makers of Spitting Image
26:25for creating a coke-snorting, foul-mouthed version of Paddington
26:29that looks like this
26:31LAUGHTER
26:32So sorry, my mistake
26:33That's an incredibly stylish shot of Liam Gallagher
26:35This is the version of Paddington
26:37LAUGHTER
26:42That's good
26:43Now, Frank, you wrote an article about this during the week
26:45You had a problem with it, right?
26:46Yeah
26:47I think that, um
26:49Paddington is a very
26:51positive image of a migrant
26:53Mm-hm
26:54He's genuinely caring
26:55And he arrives with
26:56just the only paperwork
26:58He comes into the country
26:59He says
27:00Please look after this bear
27:02You know, it's so beautiful
27:04The trust in the British public
27:06and the compassion
27:07And I think this sort of plays into
27:10a sort of more reform
27:12Oh, they're all on drugs
27:14and they're selling, uh
27:15Mm-hm
27:16They're selling guns
27:17and stuff like that
27:18Also, I used to
27:20If I sort of thought I was getting slightly involved with a woman
27:25I used to have a question that I used as a sort of test
27:28and I would very casually say
27:30Would you be okay knocking a nail into a teddy bear's face?
27:34LAUGHTER
27:36And if they said
27:38Yeah
27:39I knew that, um
27:41that love would
27:42never
27:43And you could have sex after that?
27:47I couldn't have sex after that
27:49No
27:50It was too much like knocking a nail into a
27:53LAUGHTER
27:54No, but I genuinely asked it
27:56because I think that
27:58I do think
27:59Did you have the nail and the teddy bear?
28:01I just honestly think that if Nigel Farage had walked along that platform
28:06He would have reported Paddington to the authorities
28:09Agreed
28:10Yeah
28:11And you get the Brown family
28:12You get the Farage dad
28:14And he's won over by the compassionate and caring women and children around him
28:19Yeah
28:20So, um, I think you should leave Paddington alone
28:22Stevie?
28:23Yeah
28:24APPLAUSE
28:26I agree
28:32But I do think, like, you, you know, it is also mad to sue someone for a joke
28:38So I wanted to challenge and, and say, maybe Disney could sue me for doing this
28:47I'm Winnie the Pooh and I'm a bee-hating piece of shit
28:51LAUGHTER
28:53Thank you
28:58Thank you
29:00Thank you
29:01Balls in your court, Disney
29:04LAUGHTER
29:05I'm genuinely, I'm genuinely concerned about this
29:08Because I was about to launch a new animated series called Bonnie Bluey
29:12LAUGHTER
29:15Oh God
29:16Oh God
29:17Oh God
29:18What is that theme song?
29:19That da da da da da da da
29:20Mum
29:21Dad
29:23Dad
29:24God
29:24Godczedadadadada
29:26God and a mask
29:29We really need to move on
29:31That does lead into something that we were going to talk about, Frank
29:33Because a lot of things have happened since we were on air
29:36One noticeable change
29:37Has been the rise in emotional language around immigration
29:40And look I know it's Friday night
29:41I know it's late
29:42But I want to show you a few graphs
29:44That's right
29:45Things are about to get graphic
29:46Okay
29:48These are from the Migration Observatory at the University of Oxford, and this is the
29:56first one.
29:58Now before I explain it, I need to point out that the UK has what's known as a service
30:02economy which relies on a certain amount of immigration to cover the jobs that need doing.
30:07So this is the graph of immigration to the UK from 1991 to 2024.
30:12Now as you can see, immigration dropped really sharply in 2020.
30:17If you remember what happened that year, it corresponded to a sharp rise in people watching
30:21Tiger King and making banana bread.
30:25The government then chose to increase the amount of people coming into the country, mainly
30:29international students.
30:30Those levels peaked in 2023, then fell by the greatest amount ever.
30:36But, what about asylum seekers you might ask?
30:39Well, have a look at this graph.
30:41This is non-EU immigration to the UK from 2019 to 2024.
30:45As you can see, people here mainly came for work and for study.
30:49Meanwhile migration from EU countries since Brexit is pretty much negative.
30:54Now asylum grants down here have gone up a little bit, but really not that much.
30:59Humanitarian arrivals, yes they went up in 2022, but that corresponded to a very sharp decline
31:03in Airbnb bookings in Kyiv around the same time.
31:09So, how does this compare to every other country in the world?
31:13Well, this is the percentage of the population born in another country.
31:17And the UK?
31:19Pretty much right bang in the middle.
31:21It's there with the United States, France and Spain.
31:24So why does it feel like immigration is such a problem here?
31:26Well, look at this graph of countries where Nigel Farage lives.
31:32And it all makes sense, or at least it starts to.
31:36So now you can see why people are concerned by immigration, especially when our politicians
31:40won't stop banging on about it.
31:42But when reform leader Nigel Farage says immigration is out of control, that is bullshit.
31:48When conservative leader Kemi Badenok blames Labor for immigration levels, that's bullshit.
31:53Because the peak actually happened under the Tories.
31:56And when the Prime Minister said, we're in danger of becoming an island of strangers,
32:00even he had to apologise and call out his own bullshit.
32:04The truth is, Britain is built on immigration.
32:06They deliver your food, they pour your beers, they prop up your NHS and they host your TV shows.
32:11So the next time you hear a politician say immigration is the problem, just remember
32:28that is...
32:29A turd the size of Disneyland Paris.
32:31LAUGHTER
32:32Now, while we're talking immigration, there was an issue at the Australian
32:41border this week, when Big John Fisher was turned away for not having the right visa.
32:47Who is Big John Fisher, you might be asking?
32:49Alex.
32:50Well, Adam, to me, Big John Fisher, he's a hero.
32:53Yep.
32:54He's a hero, he's a social media personality, he loves his Chinese food, and he says the word
33:00Bosh.
33:01Er, a lot.
33:02If anything, he, for me, is very much the British Kim Kardashian.
33:05Um, here's Big John in action.
33:08Bosh!
33:09Saturday night, as Sean Bean would say, I'm having a bastard Chinese.
33:15Bosh!
33:16This lovely Chinese from the Blue Orchid!
33:19Oh, look at that.
33:21Roast buck, Chinese style.
33:23Got all the flavours in there.
33:25Salt and chilli chicken can fuck off.
33:27Bosh!
33:28Bosh!
33:29What was it that he didn't like?
33:33I'm too high, I'm too high!
33:35Look, it's not often I feel like I've missed out on a lot in life with having small hands,
33:41but doing a proper Bosh, genuinely, it is one of them.
33:45But, so, John went to Australia.
33:46He was turned away by your border for, so normally I love that programme, but he was turned away,
33:50um, and he had to fly all the way back.
33:53And, you know, John's a great guy, he's done a lot of stuff for the community.
33:56You know, he helped a Chinese restaurant in York that was vandalised during all the summer protests.
34:01He's a top bloke.
34:02And I wanted John to know that even though there might not be a place for him in Australia,
34:07and, you know, I've had my time with problematic Australians,
34:11there's a place, there's a place for him here, at The Last Legs.
34:15Tell us more.
34:16Please welcome, Big John Fisher.
34:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:29Thank you very much.
34:34Cheers, John.
34:36It's going to take my way, innit?
34:38Yeah, you'll be all right.
34:39Yeah, that's all right, we made it.
34:41So, John, thank you for coming on the show, mate.
34:44Um, so tell us what happened in Australia.
34:4717-hour flight, direct from London to Perth.
34:51Got off the plane, then taken to immigration, five hours in immigration.
34:56I landed legally, but they weren't happy with one or two things.
35:00I said, like, I won't do anything, I'll just be here on holiday.
35:02It wasn't to no avail.
35:04Night in a detention centre, and then fly straight back next day.
35:08So, what have you, you went over there to do some gigs?
35:12To do some meet-and-greets.
35:13But didn't have a work visa?
35:14I've never needed a work visa, because you can work on a tourist visa
35:17like what I was doing, but they said,
35:19because people were earning money off of me...
35:21Yeah. ..then it wasn't right.
35:23And I said, right, I totally get that, I respect what you're saying.
35:25I said, at this point, have I done anything illegal?
35:27They said, no, you're all fine.
35:28Yeah.
35:29I said, right, I'll cancel everything, and I'll just have a week's holiday.
35:32I could have done with a week's holiday, because I've been non-stop,
35:35but to no avail, they sent me back.
35:37And it was your...
35:38On my birthday.
35:39It was on your birthday.
35:40Yeah.
35:41The flight attendants, so, John, they were good with you, weren't they?
35:43Qantas crew were amazing.
35:45Got me a birthday cake, sang me happy birthday.
35:48So, out of bad comes good.
35:50I met some wonderful people on that flight, so thank you.
35:52John, you've been through it this weekend,
35:54and you had a tough birthday,
35:56so I wanted to present you with something,
35:58in honour for being such a legend.
36:00For bringing the word boss into the British language.
36:04This is the very first, the only, Last Leg Peace Prize.
36:08John Fisher, this is for you, my friend.
36:10There you go.
36:11There it is.
36:12There it is.
36:13Wah!
36:14Wah!
36:15Wah!
36:18Thank you very much, John.
36:19That's all right, mate.
36:20This spring rolls, and also, the number in Roman numerals
36:23is that for the Blue Orchid in Romford.
36:25So, there you go, mate.
36:26Big up the Blue Orchid.
36:27We'll have more last leg for you after the break.
36:29We'll unveil our first mystery guest of the series,
36:31and we'll find out what happens when you cross a sumo with the Beatles.
36:34We'll see you in a little bit.
36:35Right, right.
36:37Thank you very much.
36:38Thank you very much.
36:39Welcome back to the last leg where you all know Steve Martin and Frank Skinner.
36:42Welcome back to Last Leg.
36:53We're John May, Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner.
36:55I just want to give a quick plug for a fundraiser I'm doing on Sunday.
36:58It's called An Afternoon with Mike McCartney.
37:00Now, Mike McCartney had hits with the songs Lily the Pink and Thank You Very Much
37:04when he was in a band called Scaffold.
37:06But Mike got a camera at the same time that his brother Paul McCartney
37:10got his first ever guitar.
37:13So Mike's got all these amazing photos of his own career,
37:15having number one hits, that he goes through in the show,
37:17as well as Paul's attempt to start a band in Liverpool.
37:21All these photos that no-one else has got.
37:23We're doing the show at 3pm Sunday at the Park Theatre in Finsbury Park,
37:27but I caught up with Mike this week to go through the show.
37:29And he just pulled out a photo out of nowhere.
37:31It's a set... It's a photo of a set of ten-pin bowling scores
37:34when he went bowling with him and his brother and their mates.
37:38If you look, the names are Paul, John, George, Mike.
37:43What a ten-pin bowling set that is.
37:46John got 76.
37:48Yeah.
37:48John Lennon... I never thought I'd say this,
37:51but I think I'm better at bowling than John Lennon.
37:53LAUGHTER
37:54LAUGHTER
37:55LAUGHTER
37:56LAUGHTER
37:58LAUGHTER
37:58LAUGHTER
37:59LAUGHTER
38:00LAUGHTER
38:01Very happy for you.
38:03Yeah.
38:04Um...
38:05Does he call himself Mike McCartney?
38:07Because he was massive when I was a kid,
38:09but he called himself Mike McGeeer.
38:11Yes.
38:12So he didn't cash in.
38:13I had a weird thing with Paul McCartney.
38:15I was with my partner, who I've since has become my wife,
38:18and we were a group of us talking, um, after one of his gigs,
38:23and he said, can I just have a word?
38:24And he took her off to one side.
38:27And afterwards, I said, what did Paul McCartney say?
38:30And he said... She said, er...
38:31Oh, he said, is he treating you all right?
38:34LAUGHTER
38:34LAUGHTER
38:35LAUGHTER
38:35LAUGHTER
38:36LAUGHTER
38:36LAUGHTER
38:37LAUGHTER
38:38Paul McCartney...
38:40Cos I said...
38:41Yeah, I bet he actually said,
38:42you're really lucky to have him.
38:44LAUGHTER
38:45LAUGHTER
38:45But, see, that's...
38:46That's what he said, apparently.
38:48Oh, look, while we're plugging,
38:49you're on tour at the moment, Stevie.
38:51Oh, yes.
38:51Doing live shows...
38:52A live show.
38:53..round the country.
38:53Yes.
38:54Um, Frank, you've got a book, a story coming out.
38:56There's a book of P.G. Woodhouse tribute short stories,
39:01and I'm first in the book, and I did the audio book,
39:05so I had... I don't know if you know P.G. Woodhouse,
39:07but I had to do the audio book, go,
39:09Oh, I say, Jeeves, I really can't...
39:12It's very...
39:13I don't know how posh people talk like that all the time.
39:16Well, yeah.
39:16Yeah, it really hurts your throat.
39:18LAUGHTER
39:18Which was wobbling around.
39:20Yeah, OK, exactly.
39:22I didn't slap you, did I?
39:24No, you didn't.
39:24It was...
39:25LAUGHTER
39:26Um, very briefly, in sporting news this week,
39:28the second ever grand sumo tournament outside of Japan
39:31has taken place at the Royal Albert Hall,
39:33which means sumos were spotted all around London this week.
39:38Uh...
39:38Not that hard to spot.
39:40No, that's a good point.
39:41That's a good point.
39:42Um, but they look really incongruous.
39:44Someone took this sneaky photo of some sumos on lime bikes.
39:48LAUGHTER
39:49I wondered why my delivery didn't turn up.
39:54LAUGHTER
39:54Um, and look, we're going to bring some sumo to you
39:57at the end of tonight's show.
39:58Josh and Alex and I will take on a sumo
40:01in a three-on-one match in the studio...
40:04LAUGHTER
40:04..to the death.
40:06LAUGHTER
40:07Or at least to the end of the credits.
40:08Right now, though, we're going to bring on this week's mystery guest.
40:12Oh, yeah.
40:12Someone from the news.
40:13Uh, Frank and Stevie have to try to identify them.
40:16Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
40:19APPLAUSE
40:20OK, why has this man been in the news this week?
40:34Let's please have the tense lighting change, please.
40:38So, this is Brian, but why was he in the news?
40:43Was it because A, he broke a world record
40:45after driving his shed at 123 miles an hour?
40:49B, he broke a world record by staying in his shed
40:52for 16 months and 12 days without leaving?
40:55Or C, he broke hearts by marrying his shed?
40:58LAUGHTER
40:59So that's like a mannequin driver's shed.
41:01So we need an answer before the ad break.
41:04Um, what do you think?
41:05Any thoughts?
41:05I think he probably stayed in his shed for a long time.
41:10No, you're wrong.
41:11No, that man can drive a shed.
41:13No, but...
41:14LAUGHTER
41:15Obviously, I can smell the turps on him.
41:17LAUGHTER
41:19He can drive the turps.
41:20Yeah.
41:21I think...
41:22What do you think?
41:23I think...
41:23He lives in his shed.
41:25I can tell you...
41:26Well, actually, you can have one.
41:27You can have one.
41:27You can have one.
41:28Can I?
41:29Yeah.
41:29Oh, equality.
41:30Erm...
41:31LAUGHTER
41:33In action!
41:34APPLAUSE
41:36This is it.
41:37Yeah.
41:38This is the final battle of the sexes.
41:40Who's going to get it right?
41:41He drove the shed for women!
41:43LAUGHTER
41:44All right.
41:45We'll find out after the break.
41:46We'll uncover the mystery guests.
41:47We'll try a spot of sumo.
41:48We'll see you in a little bit.
41:49LAUGHTER
41:50APPLAUSE
41:51Welcome back to The Last Leg.
42:07We're joined by Stevie Martin and Frank Skinner.
42:09We are ready for sumo.
42:11Erm, but before the break, we challenged Stevie and Frank...
42:13Oh, yeah.
42:14..to work out how our mystery guest, Brian, was connected to the news.
42:17Alex, can we have the options again, please?
42:19Yes.
42:20So, was Brian...
42:22Did he break a world record driving at 123 miles an hour in his shed?
42:26Did he break a world record for staying in his shed for 16 months and 12 days without leaving?
42:30Or did he, er, break hearts by marrying his shed?
42:33So...
42:34Stevie's gone driving.
42:35Yep.
42:36Frank's gone, erm, staying in the shed.
42:38OK.
42:39Er, Brian, please reveal the correct answer.
42:42Oh, my God!
42:43That's crazy!
42:44APPLAUSE
42:45Greatest reveal in history.
42:49What's really annoying is I saw that parked outside instead.
42:55LAUGHTER
42:56LAUGHTER
42:57What else could it have been?
42:59LAUGHTER
43:00Um, so, Brian, you all right in there, mate?
43:02Yeah, good.
43:03So, Brian, just a quick question.
43:04How did it...
43:05Well, how did it come about?
43:06Yeah, no, erm...
43:07Yeah, I was a great fan of record-breakers as a child.
43:08Um, Roy Castle playing his, erm, trumpet singer in the shed.
43:09Sorry, I saw that parked outside instead of...
43:10LAUGHTER
43:11LAUGHTER
43:12What else could it have been?
43:13LAUGHTER
43:14Um, so, Brian, you all right in there, mate?
43:18Yeah, good.
43:23So, Brian, just a quick question.
43:25How did it...
43:26Well, how did it come about?
43:27Yeah, no, erm...
43:29Um...
43:30Yeah, er, he was a great fan of record-breakers as a child.
43:34um roy castle playing his um trumpet singing um dedication is what you need yeah and hang on
43:42so what makes this a shed and not a car he identifies as a shed
43:54and and so what why what was the previous world record and why did you do this um the previous
44:01record was 106 yeah and um that's what my grandchildren ask as well granddad why are
44:08you bolting a shed onto a car well the simple answer is to get away from the big bad wolf
44:14oh yeah so you've now turned this into a uh a kid's book that is raising money for a charity
44:21called reach reach that's right i'm an ambassador that alex is an ambassador for so it's coincidence
44:26yeah i mean you've done 123 miles an hour but you've also come full circle
44:30i never thought i'd say this to someone in public but can you uh thank you for being
44:34on the show can you please reverse your shed out of here
44:53uh josh has been saying bosh to the last seven days have you got a clip for us yeah would you
44:57like to see an inopportune clip of a bird having its life saved for 2.6 seconds yes please
45:07just nature in action this just nature oh no who's that coming up oh oh oh no don't i don't know if
45:14this is the best oh no oh oh uh uh we are about to take part in a bit of para sumo live in this video
45:26i've ever seen bill oddy making an ofcom complaint before we do that though would you please thank our
45:32guests for tonight stevie martin
45:38frank skinner
45:41and big john fisher
45:46i'm my co-host josh rinnecom and alex brooker
45:52we'll be back next week with comedians catherine bowhart laura smith and richard
45:54iowati but right now let's get ready to sumo
46:04and he weighs 160 kilograms and he runs a sumo themed karaoke bar it was a toss of a coin sumo or dance
46:16alex please step into the ring so they bow now the the ritual and alex steps into the ring to take
46:24on george alex you have to both you don't the belt starts when both fists are on the ground are you taking
46:30a fucking piss okay should you take will you take one knuckle yeah good because i'm gonna
46:37fuck you apart okay go on alex three two one sumo and the bout begins
46:46sit the bench go on alex go on alex
46:49alex showing tremendous
46:51oh he's calling for help he's calling for help and now josh has gone in as well
46:59and now all three of them
47:01big hands for jork zilk in tonight's champion
47:12tremendous work
47:16thanks for watching the last leg my name's adam hills see you next week for the next leg
47:31is
47:38is
47:40is
47:42is
47:46is
47:48is
47:52is
47:35
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