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BRITCOM III
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00:00Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:08These simple lines be good for your health
00:10Keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:13Live my life like you just don't care
00:15My thighs are leaders never scared
00:17Ranging noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, you still appear from my dead
00:22Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:24Get up, you're sure you're dead
00:26Get up, you're sure you're dead
00:28Get up, you're sure you're dead
00:30Get up, you're sure you're dead
00:32Look at the forecast, close the windows
00:40and check your cabinet for leaks
00:42It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for The Last Leg
00:46Tonight on the show, we break down a big week for Donald Trump
00:50Keir Starmer scrambles to stay in charge
00:53And we ask whether it's eggy to start Christmas early
00:57Plus we'll be joined by comedians Rosie Jones and Mike Wozniak
01:00And author and presenter Richard Osmond
01:02On the show that never cracks under pressure
01:05G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to The Last Leg, the show that heard Britain is about to be hit by Storm Claudia and assumes it'll be small, blustery and with powerful bangs
01:18With me as always are the pride of Dartmoor Josh Whittacombe and the man who thought misrepresentation was a disability beauty pageant, Alex Brooker
01:37Now we will get to the big news in a sec but it appears a few of our viewers last week were a little bit confused by what Alex was wearing
01:50Some people accused him of wearing war medals disrespectfully
01:55Alright, have a look at him here, look at the close-up
01:57It's a pattern on the top, right?
01:59Major inspiration, reporting for duty
02:02Major inspiration, you look like Zelensky
02:07You look like you're about to be thrown out of the White House for disrespect
02:13It's just a pattern, it's a pattern on a jumper
02:17I know, I may look like I've been in combat but I'd never impersonate someone who has been
02:23No, and if there's a word I've never thought applied to you, it was army
02:31Oh, wow
02:37This is show, and I know this, 360
02:40Yeah
02:41And there's still jokes about Alex's arms we haven't made
02:44It's unbelievable, isn't it nice, isn't it?
02:46Look, you might be wondering why anyone would wear fake medals
02:48Turns out this week someone else did
02:50This suspected fake admiral was charged after taking part in a remembrance service in Landudno
02:55But the giveaway was when he claimed to have a medal of bravery for defeating Thanos at the Battle of Helm's Deep
03:00Do you know if you're going to pretend to be an admiral?
03:03Just go for slightly less medals
03:05That is an insane amount
03:07I was worried when I heard fake admiral
03:09I thought it was like fake taxi
03:11So I didn't know which way this was going to go
03:13There's a lot of fakes there
03:16That's not an old woman, that is two eight-year-olds in a long coat
03:21By the way, we have pixelated his face for that picture
03:24He didn't lose it in the Gulf War
03:27We thought we'd get you some actual medals though, Alex
03:30Oh, yes, sorry
03:31Oh, yes, please
03:32You've earned them
03:33You've earned them
03:34You've done everything with us
03:35Yeah, yeah, yeah
03:36The first we've got two overseas services medal
03:38One is for a tour of Magaluf
03:40And the other is for...
03:42Two tours of Ibiza
03:43Two tours of Ibiza
03:44There we go
03:45The slogan, we will fight them on the ocean beaches
03:50Oh, this is great
03:51A bravery medal for hosting the first series of The Jump on Channel 4
03:54Not many people came back from that
03:59Lost a lot of good men
04:03And finally, this is a very special one
04:04Oh, this is...
04:05For services to British banter
04:07This, Alex Brooker, is the Victoria Bosch
04:10Oh, what...
04:11Oh, yes, please
04:12Thank you very much
04:17Oh, yeah
04:19There you go
04:20Oh, yeah, thank you for giving me the box as well
04:22I'll have the box back
04:23You don't want the box, do you?
04:24No, thank you
04:25We are live on your telly right now
04:26You can send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
04:29Message us on Instagram
04:30The hashtags is it okay
04:31WhatsApp
04:32Use the number 07956175908
04:34Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:36For example
04:37Is it okay that this week
04:38Russia unveiled their first ever AI robot?
04:42Yes, it is
04:43Yes, I was just sorry
04:44Is it okay that judging by this exposing clip
04:45We kind of don't need to be scared by Russian AI just yet?
04:52There's a record there
04:53Words
04:54There's a record there
04:55You can see
04:56One thing
04:57And then
04:58You can see
04:59It's okay
05:01You can see
05:02We could do it
05:03There's a record there
05:04That's amazing
05:05I love her. I love the fact that the robot was walking like someone had put the charger lead up the wrong hole
05:28I love the sheet. You've got to have, if you've designed an AI robot you shouldn't be bringing a sheet across like you're about to kill a horse after the ground
05:37The poor AI robot going, I can't believe you gave me the feeling of shame
05:44That robot was called C-3PO, oh shit
05:49Alright let's get stuck into the big story this week
05:53Most of the country this week were asking, is it okay that the BBC edited a speech by Donald Trump?
05:59So, this week Donald Trump threatened to sue the BBC for $1 billion
06:04After they were found to have aired an edited version of his speech from January 6th on Panorama
06:10This interesting comparison clip demonstrates the difference between what the BBC aired and what was actually said
06:15We're going to walk down to the Capitol and I'll be there with you
06:22And we fight, we fight like hell
06:25And if you don't fight like hell, you're not going to have a country anymore
06:29We're going to walk down to the Capitol
06:32And we're going to cheer on our brave senators and congressmen and women
06:41And we fight, we fight like hell
06:48And if you don't fight like hell, you're not going to have a country anymore
06:51Now, there's a phrase I heard recently that I think sums this up
06:55And it's this, cock up over conspiracy 90% of the time
06:58And I think that was definitely a cock up
07:01Because it made it seem, that edit made it seem as though what Trump said was all one coherent sentence
07:05Which in retrospect should have been the giveaway that it was edited
07:09Because when has Donald Trump ever uttered one coherent sentence
07:14What they should have done is indicate the passing of time
07:17Like put a white flash between the bits
07:19Or a title on the screen
07:20Or even just do the Scooby-Doo wavy arms thing
07:23It's now been revealed that Newsnight made a similar edit to the same speech
07:27So lads, were those edits okay?
07:29No
07:29No
07:29I feel really sorry for Donald Trump actually
07:32I feel really sorry because like
07:33It's just been bad edits
07:35It's just been bad edits
07:37Like I had no idea that all this stuff that he was saying was always bad edits
07:41So like that time when he said like if you drink bleach it helps cure Covid
07:45And then there was that time when he kind of insinuated that he fancied his own daughter
07:48And it was just, it was just bad edits
07:50And I feel really embarrassed because all this time
07:52I spent all this time thinking he was just a bit of a weird geezer
07:55But it was just the edit
07:56That grabbing pussy thing, someone asked him
07:59Which animal do you save from a burning house first?
08:06I, I, I, it's a bad edit, it's unfair
08:10Yeah
08:10I think Donald Trump has to now take security measures
08:13To not let that happen to him again
08:16Yeah
08:16So I think he should wear one of those big clocks around his neck like Flavor Flame
08:20Look there's no doubt that Trump tried to block the result of a free and free
08:26Fair election, there's no doubt he used the word fight dozens of times in that speech
08:30But when you're the most trusted news organisation on the planet you can't afford to make a mistake
08:35That's like David Attenborough being caught dumping a fridge in a canal
08:37Even if it only happens once you question everything else he does
08:42Exactly, he's allowed to do it just don't get caught David
08:45Right, Trump gave the BBC a deadline of 10pm tonight to apologise or else he was going to sue
08:51We know what 10pm tonight means
08:52What?
08:53Last leg
08:53Donald Trump is a huge fan of the last leg
08:56He wanted it cleared up so that he could enjoy Richard Osman, Rosie Jones and Mike Wozniak like the rest of the country
09:02I like the idea that like this week like BBC had been panicking scrolling around on Moonpig to find the right sorry card
09:08And he'd just end up with one of like Justin Bieber saying is it too late now to say sorry
09:15But if he had to sue them, if he did sue them for a billion they couldn't have paid that
09:20No
09:21So imagine if like he'd have started sending like Bayliss around to confiscate like the BBC's most prized possessions
09:26You know like Claudia's Fringe
09:29Like the Queen Vic or like the Blue Peter Tortoise
09:32The chairman of the BBC
09:35What a country that they're the top three
09:37We really, do you know what?
09:39That's a lot about my understanding of the BBC
09:41I loved the BBC until that speech, no I'm worried it's not worth it
09:46The chairman of the BBC did apologise last night but not before the director general and the head of news both stepped down
09:51White House press secretary Caroline Levitt described the BBC as and I quote
09:56A leftist propaganda machine
09:58That's right, the channel that brings you antiques roadshow, songs of praise, country file and the king's speech on Christmas day is part of the resistance
10:05Is the BBC a leftist propaganda machine?
10:10Yeah, it is, it is actually
10:11Is it?
10:11Yeah, because look, don't tell anyone but I know who the new host of Strictly are
10:15Billy Bragg and Chairman Mao
10:17Yeah, I remember
10:20And the new host of The One Show, a kneecap
10:22And it gets worse, do you know who the new host of Match of the Day is?
10:27What?
10:29Gary Lineker
10:30I thought we got a bit much when Shea Guevara won goal in a month
10:34On Match of the Day
10:36This is, this is the thing with like the BBC, like how much they try to be balanced
10:41Is when things like this happen, you see this week
10:44BBC reporting on the BBC being shit
10:48So what you, basically, they're in the same office
10:51So it's basically someone just going
10:53Hey Dave, can I get a quick quote from you about how you messed up that edit?
10:56I just made you a cup of tea, you're strapping me up!
11:00Nigel Farage refused to take part in a BBC documentary this week
11:04As he jumped on the bandwagon like an adult who's just found out what 6'7 means
11:08This from the man who's been on Question Time 38 times
11:12Nigel Farage spent so much time at the BBC, the canteen now has a sandwich named after him
11:16If you're wondering, it's gammon on really white bread
11:19It's worth pointing out though that the report that highlighted the edits of the BBC
11:25Also found that overall, BBC News had been totally unbiased and impartial in its coverage of the US election
11:31The truth is, the BBC is one of the last bastions of real news
11:35And this week, Keir Starmer said absolutely nothing to defend it
11:39So, we will
11:42Listen to me, Donald Trump
11:44The BBC might not be perfect, but it's called Aunty for a reason
11:48Because it's family
11:49Sure, it's a family member whose views we don't always agree with
11:52Whose decision making is sometimes annoying and who's weirdly obsessed with Vernon Kay
11:56But we love him
11:57And by crikey, we're inviting them to dinner anyway
12:00So, I'm going to say this to you, Donald Trump
12:02Something I reckon you hear a lot at family dinners
12:04Stay the fuck away from our Aunty
12:07Oh my God!
12:11You absolute dick
12:13You're the one here with two real feet in your messing glass
12:17Oh
12:26You absolute dick you're the one here with two real feet in your bed and glass
12:33You two are all right. I've got double the chance of stepping on that
12:39Fucking hell. I'm so sorry. I got so excited by the BBC. I smashed a glass
12:47Sorry move on god. Why are we dwelling on this?
12:51Look it is weird to see Donald Trump accusing anyone of being gaudy. You know what I mean?
12:55This is a man who bragged that he could grab women by the pussy was found liable in a civil court of sexual abuse
12:59And who still refuses to release his tax returns?
13:02I mean when has Donald Trump ever had the moral high ground?
13:05It's difficult for me to talk about the moral high ground at this point
13:09Look you can't take away from there's that time in home alone 2 where he showed Kevin McAllister where the lobby was
13:15Yeah, and when he won the WWE Royal Rumble that was another time. Yeah, Rumble-o's cup draw the Rumble-o's cup draw
13:21Yeah, hey, do you know what quite a few times?
13:25So why wouldn't Donald Trump want a robust press well probably because investigative journalists tend to investigate people for things like
13:31I don't know hanging out with a known pedophile
13:35This week emails were released in which Donald Trump was referenced by disgraced sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein in one email Epstein said quote
13:42I have met some very bad people none as bad as Trump not one decent cell in his body
13:48Which is ironic because when Epstein died there wasn't one decent body in his cell
13:52It is something though when Jeffrey Epstein calls you a bad person. Yeah, I mean that's kind of like it's not like it's not being the wrong-uns wrong-un
14:12Isn't it? It's like when you're voted for by your peers like the PFA players player of the year
14:16Yeah, it's like getting the Paul Hollywood handshake of sex offender
14:20Another email from Epstein claimed Donald Trump was so distracted by young women swimming in a pool
14:27He walked straight into a door and left a big orange nose print on the glass
14:31And from what we've heard a tiny orange mushroom print a few feet
14:38All these emails just going to turn into like a carry-on film
14:43On a banana skin and ended up with his face in a woman's boobs
14:47Next week votes going to be held on whether to release all the Epstein files and look
14:50I'm not saying Trump's nervous
14:51But there are four Republican women voting for the release of those files and this week Trump tried to meet with all of them
14:57Two of them did meet with the administration in the fully soundproofed situation room
15:02There's nothing dodgy about that is there?
15:04You know when you when you obviously you want to be completely transparent the best thing to do is is meet people in the soundproof room with no cameras
15:11Yeah, the soundproof situation room sounds like where he goes to the toilet when he's got a dicky tummy
15:18Brooker needs a soundproof situation room
15:21So how do you think he's gonna react if these files are released next week?
15:24I just think he's like he loves it whenever bad news comes out he loves like he has to do something to kind of distract
15:29Everyone from it so like if these are gonna get released
15:31I think we could be like a couple of weeks from him just go look so I'll just open up area 51 and show you like the alien
15:40Look the thing is Trump's not gonna stop trying to silence the press. He's done it to Colbert
15:44He's done it to Kimmel and look just today. He took a pot shot at our show. I know here is the hundred percent
15:50unedited footage of
15:52Of the tangerine tyrant hating on the last leg
15:56Are you watching the last leg of show on television with the United Kingdom hosted by his majesty?
16:03Mr. Adam, the guy can't walk
16:11He doesn't have a clue what the hell. We're talking like he knows he's got guys around him that are pretty smart. He was begging for my endorsement. I
16:19Could have said Adam dropped your knees he would have dropped
16:22He was begging for my endorsement. He was begging for my endorsement. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. We're suing. A billion and one dollars. Billion and one
16:32All right, let's welcome tonight's guests two comedians who've got killer lines and an author whose lines contain killers
16:38Please welcome Rosie Jones Mike Wozniak and richard osman
16:41All right, I mean what do we all think about what happened to the BBC this week?
17:06I don't I don't think they should have apologized. I think if they should apologize to the license fee payer
17:16Mm-hmm and it should have been the older there's more than one of them. Yeah
17:20And then the old two fingers. Yeah, richard. That's a really good idea. Yeah, you know how to deal with Trump. I think so
17:27Yeah, I think yeah apologize and then let him get on with something else give them a bit of house of games wheelie luggage
17:33No, I do not think they should
17:41Apologize
17:43It was a bad
17:45That
17:47That should not have happened
17:50But Trump is a bully and I think the BBC and all of us should
18:03Stand up to him and like he always says
18:08It's a free world and if we want to say that
18:16Trump is a dangerous bully who needs to be stopped
18:25We should
18:27Yeah
18:28That is spoken like a woman who knows she's got some ideas in with the BBC at the moment
18:41And he's not touring America any time
18:44Also they can be acted
18:49I do not have a billion dollars
18:53So please
18:56Don't sue me
18:58Um, okay, I'm interested in this. What do we all think of the Epstein files?
19:04All right
19:06Anyone want to or should we just move on?
19:12That's why it's so grim, isn't it?
19:14You know, I mean we all sympathise with the poor victims. It's completely gross, but I mean
19:20I mean it's gonna kick off nasty
19:22It's like you're saying he's gonna he's gonna find something else to distract because it's gonna kick off and yeah
19:28I wouldn't want to be living in the the borderlands of Canada at the moment for example. Do you know what I mean?
19:33It's it's invasion time
19:36Anywhere he can fire a new cat
19:38Yeah
19:40And look at his has been a rough week for the BBC and even though they have apologised to the US president
19:45The threat of another billion-dollar lawsuit is still now always going to be hanging over their heads
19:50Which puts the chairman of the BBC in a sticky situation
19:53How does he maintain journalistic integrity while also having enough money to fight off any future legal action from Donald Trump?
20:00We think we found a solution
20:02Hi, I'm TV's Adam Hills
20:04You know me from such shows as The Last Leg, The Last Leg of the Year and The Last Leg in Paris
20:10And I'm here to talk to you about a very important cause
20:14Every year the BBC comes together to help those in need and this year no one's in more need than the BBC
20:23That's why I'm proud to present
20:25Chairman in Need
20:27This is the chairman of the BBC and he needs your help for just one billion pounds you can give him the chance to maintain journalistic freedom in the UK
20:39And more importantly do another series of celebrity traitors
20:43That's what we really need to say
20:44Seriously BBC, if you're looking for a disabled for series two, this little hand's in the air boy
20:49We all make mistakes
20:52Sometimes you might forget to empty the dishwasher
20:54Other times you might inadvertently edit a speech that makes it look like the world's biggest man baby did a thing that half of Americans think he did anyway
21:02If each BBC licence pair can spare just £41, the world's largest orange toddler can fund important initiatives
21:11Like a golden ballroom, hush money to a porn star, bitcoin scams and half-arsed lawsuits
21:20Honestly, I don't mind if I'm a faithful or a traitor
21:23But all I say is, I've thought about murdering these two a few times
21:26And I look great in a hood
21:28So join us for a very special night of laughter, music and the erosion of democracy
21:34BBC's Chairman in Need
21:36It'll be great
21:37Won't it, Trumpsy?
21:40What's that?
21:42Oh yeah, your ear has healed up nicely
21:44We'll have more last week for you after the break
21:53We'll check in on who's been giving Keir Starmer nightmares on Downing Street
21:55And we'll take a look at a calendar
21:56You'll be Russian to be Putin on your wall
21:59Oh yeah, that's right
22:00See you in a little bit
22:01Welcome back to Last Leg
22:18We're joined by Rosie Jones, Mike Wozniak and Richard Osmond
22:20By the way, shout out to the one person who actually texted in to donate to the Chairman in Needham
22:25Well done, well done whoever you are, love your work
22:29Right, let's get back to the news now
22:31And look, it's fair to say it's not been a great week for the Prime Minister
22:34As the BBC story rumbled on, turns out the White House Press Secretary doesn't quite know our Prime Minister's name
22:41As seen in this revealing clip
22:42I will say I know the President has a very good relationship with Prime Minister Sharma
22:48You have been there, you've seen them in their interactions
22:51Prime Minister Sharma
22:52Imagine being the Prime Minister of Great Britain and you still have your name mangled like you're at Starbucks
22:57I think the most depressing thing is no one picked her up on it
23:01Things didn't get any better for the Prime Minister Sharma
23:06When rumours abounded that Health Secretary Wes Streeting was mounting a challenge for the leadership
23:12Streeting went on Sky News this week to defend himself
23:15And he did so with a forced cultural reference
23:17Delivered like a comedian who has no confidence in his own punchline
23:21Here's the cringeworthy clip
23:22I think whoever's been briefing this has been watching too much celebrity traitors
23:27And this is just about the worst attack on a faithful I've seen since Joe Marla was kicked out and banished in the final
23:33I wouldn't tour it
23:38Here's the thing though, he delivers the fundaments of that show is
23:42If you're saying you're a faithful, there's a very good chance that you are a traitor
23:46Yeah, yeah
23:47Exactly, so Wes Streeting, he's going to be up in the turret
23:50Straight after that with Bridget Philipson saying
23:52Kies on to me
23:53I think it's too obvious to murder him tonight
23:57The lovely thing is, he delivered that
23:58Like, you know when you're a comedian and you're delivering a joke for the first time
24:01You're like, I'm not sure if this is funny, this is funny
24:03And then it gets a bit of a laugh and you go
24:04Alright, I feel a bit confident now
24:06Because not long after that, Streeting delivered the same joke on the BBC
24:09But this time with a little confident flourish
24:11Yeah, someone's definitely been watching too much celebrity traitors in Downing Street
24:17I think they should swap it for Countryfile in future and calm down a bit
24:20I am a faithful
24:21In fact, what you've seen from a silly number 10 source overnight
24:25Is probably the worst attack on a faithful since Joe Marler was banished in the traitors final
24:31See what I mean? A bit more confidence
24:33He's workshopping it
24:34Then he went, he honed it back to the best bits
24:38Went on ITV
24:39Okay
24:40Added the Countryfile bit back in again
24:42And did it again
24:43Whoever's behind this has been watching far too much celebrity traitors
24:48And what they've said about me is probably the most unjustified attack on a faithful
24:51Since Joe Marler was banished in the in the final
24:54Maybe they should spend a bit more time watching Countryfile
24:56Yeah, that's better
24:57I'll tell you what he needs
24:58Small hands
24:59You get 360 episodes out of this
25:01To be fair to Wes Streeting
25:04He had thought no one on earth is sad enough to watch three Wes Streeting interviews in a row
25:09What do you think? Should he be trotting out the same material over and over?
25:16Yeah
25:17Well, Richard says that I say absolutely not
25:26Oh, no
25:26And Joe's so angry right now with Brody Way Streeting
25:35And the whole of the Labour government
25:39Because I've been a lifelong Labour supporter
25:45And this is not a Labour government
25:49That I no support or recognise
25:54They need to stop watching TV
26:00They need to stop saving money in the short term
26:08Because in the long term
26:11It's really affecting vulnerable people
26:17So stop trying to be relatable
26:24Watching the traitors
26:28Rosie's on the warpath tonight
26:34But Rosie, he's like Joe Marler, don't you get it?
26:43Look, things are only going to get tougher for Prime Minister Shawarawadi
26:46With a budget on the way, local elections coming up in May
26:51In fact, delivering the budget has been described by one minister as like
26:54Quote, wrestling a squirrel across a minefield
26:57Which does sound like an Australian euphemism for something
27:00Sorry, I'm late boys
27:02Had to wrestle a squirrel across a minefield
27:04Wouldn't you let the squirrel go first?
27:07Yeah
27:08To see how it does?
27:10Why are you...
27:11Josh, Josh
27:12That's crazy
27:13What would you do, then?
27:14Why would you throw a squirrel over a minefield?
27:17What, just chuck it over?
27:19Yeah
27:20Yeah, but then it's over and then you're stuck
27:21It's fine, man
27:22That's okay
27:23Yeah, I've already lost one foot
27:24I'm not...
27:25What does the squirrel have to get across anyway?
27:29But, do you know what I mean?
27:30What's on the other side?
27:31Like, loads of nuts
27:32It would have to be a lot of nuts for a squirrel
27:34I think we've gone off track
27:36That's what they want!
27:39Government sources...
27:41But what has happened, he's stored his nuts for winter
27:43Yes
27:44And then they've installed the minefield between him and his nuts
27:47And he's gone, oh, for fuck's sake
27:48I am going to be digging a lot of holes
27:50Or am I feeling nervous?
27:52Yeah
27:53I'm still thinking about the squirrel
27:58Non
28:00Government sources are now saying that after threatening to raise income tax
28:04The Chancellor has now changed her mind
28:06Which didn't get the positive response she might have liked
28:09It was kind of like saying to your partner
28:11Hey, honey, I was about to cheat on you, but I'm not going to anymore
28:14Because she said no to me
28:17So, to sum up
28:19The Prime Minister is facing an upcoming budget that might be unpopular
28:22Local elections in May that might be catastrophic
28:24And rumours of a leadership challenge from Wes Streeting
28:27Maybe the PM needs to take a leaf out of Vladimir Putin's book
28:30Or more appropriately, his calendar
28:32This week the Russian leader released his calendar for 2026
28:35Featuring classy photos of Putin with snappy patriotic quotes
28:39That include
28:40And I'm not making these up
28:41Russia's border doesn't end anywhere
28:44And this is my favourite
28:45I'm a dove
28:46But with very powerful iron wings
28:48I mean, I prefer Nelly Furtado's version
28:52I'm a dove
28:54Maybe the dove with iron wings could pick the squirrel up
28:57LAUGHTER
28:58APPLAUSE
29:00There we go
29:02It's like the fox, the grain and the chicken
29:07Look, we think Keir Starmer probably needs to do something similar to Vladimir Putin
29:11And that's why we would like to give you tonight a sneak peek at the 2026 Prime Minister's calendar
29:16Oh lovely
29:17Complete with our version of Starmerism's little quotes
29:19Yeah
29:20Here's January
29:21With the quote
29:22Promise people nothing and you can't let them down
29:24LAUGHTER
29:25February sees the Prime Minister fishing with the line
29:28My favourite drink is room temperature tap water
29:31LAUGHTER
29:32In March
29:33He's scoring for Arsenal
29:35With the quote
29:36There's no I in fun
29:37LAUGHTER
29:38And in April
29:39He's wrestling a bear with the line
29:41No matter what happens in next month's local elections
29:43I will always be your leader
29:45LAUGHTER
29:46Let's skip to May now
29:47And as you can see
29:48We're streeting as Prime Minister
29:49LAUGHTER
29:50With the quote
29:51I am and always have been a traitor
29:53LAUGHTER
30:01We'll have more last week for you after the break
30:03We're going to step into Christmas a little bit early
30:04And we'll unveil this week's mystery guest
30:06We'll see you in a little bit
30:07APPLAUSE
30:09Welcome back to The Last Leg
30:22We're joined by Rosie Jones, Mike Wozniak, Richard Osman
30:25Everyone is on tour at the moment
30:27Mike, you're doing a stand-up tour called The Bench
30:29I am, yeah
30:30Why is it called The Bench?
30:31Ah!
30:32It's about a bench
30:34LAUGHTER
30:36So it's been rigorously tested by a sales team
30:40Yeah
30:41And, um, yeah, it's...
30:42We just wanted to see whether or not people were interested
30:44in coming to a show that might be about a bench
30:46LAUGHTER
30:47And, er...
30:48I think the nation's up for it
30:49I think the game is
30:50You're also appearing in a TV show
30:51Yes
30:52It's based on a teenage novel by, um, Adam Kay
30:55Adam Kay, illustrated by Henry Packer
30:57Yeah
30:58To Proctor, the ten-year-old doctor
30:59Yeah
31:00I play the dad
31:01That's why I've got the sort of Britain First haircut at the moment
31:02Because I had to, um...
31:03LAUGHTER
31:04I had to sort of shave a chunk of my hair off at the top
31:07Uh, sort of 70s-style baldness, basically
31:09Right
31:10Um, but yeah, that's a lot of fun
31:12I think that's coming out sort of Christmasy
31:13I think it is on the BBC
31:14BBC
31:15BBC?
31:16Uh, Josh is on tour as well at the moment
31:18Oh, no
31:19And had another awkward moment with a disabled audience member this week, right?
31:23So the week before, obviously, well, not obviously, but I had the problem where I didn't realise the guy was blind
31:29Yep
31:30So this week, er, I got talking... I asked someone in the audience something and he replied
31:35And I said, what's your name?
31:37And then, er, someone shouted, Jeff
31:40Yep
31:41And I said, oh, is it Jeff? And they said, no, no, no, Seth
31:45And I was like, Steph, it turned out they were shouting that this guy was deaf
31:50LAUGHTER
31:52So I had, yeah, so I've offended a blind person and a deaf person in two weeks
31:57I'd have thought the best way to enjoy your show would be not to hear your voice
32:00LAUGHTER
32:06It's fair play
32:07It's fair play
32:08You're attacking my lot
32:10Rosie, you're on tour as well
32:12Have you ever had any faux pas with disabled audience members?
32:14Yeah, I do
32:16Well, I have a lot of disabled people come to my gigs
32:23Which is a nightmare
32:27LAUGHTER
32:29Because they care for the disabled toilet
32:34LAUGHTER
32:35Awful
32:36LAUGHTER
32:37Well, a few weeks ago, a non-disabled man met me in a pub on top
32:48And we got talking and they were big into yoga
32:55Anyway, four points down
33:00He tried to convince me that he could stretch the cerebral palsy away
33:13LAUGHTER
33:14And I was like, um, A, I don't think that's how brain damage works
33:25Yeah
33:26But B, please don't do that
33:30Cos cerebral palsy has made me rich
33:37LAUGHTER
33:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:43Yeah, yeah
33:44Yeah
33:45Preach, sister! Here's to being disabled!
33:49LAUGHTER
33:50CP's in the crowd are going off tonight, too
33:52Now, as Christmas lights are being turned on in various British towns tonight
34:04Families on an Air Force base in Florida
34:06Have been ordered to dismantle their Christmas decorations
34:09Because early holiday decorations were not allowed in their lease agreements
34:13Here's the question
34:14Is it too early to start being Christmassy?
34:16Yes
34:17Yes?
34:18Yeah, absolutely
34:19I feel like I speak for gay people everywhere
34:26And we need November to get over gay Christmas
34:34Which is Halloween
34:36LAUGHTER
34:38Er, you're not a fan of early Christmas?
34:40No, well, my birthday is at the end of...
34:42I know it's not all about me, but my birthday is at the end of...
34:44LAUGHTER
34:45..isn't it?
34:46Er, my birthday is at the end of November, November 28th
34:49Right
34:50So you can't start Christmas before then because it pulls focus
34:52I think it's really unacceptable
34:54LAUGHTER
34:55I'm a baby here, yeah, similar problems with the early...
34:59Yeah
35:00Yeah, I can't handle it
35:01Nothing before December, absolutely not
35:03Wow
35:04And they are problems, they genuinely are problems
35:05I've never said this on a show before
35:07But everything I've just heard from you lot has made me feel physically sick
35:11LAUGHTER
35:12I love Christmas, I start it early
35:14I think they should do... they should do advent calendars that go from August
35:18LAUGHTER
35:19Imagine having 120 chocolates
35:21What a fun that would be
35:22You know me, I love my Christmas
35:24Well, we... look, we had a meeting for the last leg
35:26What was going to be on the show this week
35:27And Brooker, like, halfway through went
35:29Is it too early to do Christmas?
35:31Yeah
35:32And we started thinking about what's in the news at the moment
35:33And went, do you know what?
35:35There is so much shit in the world right now
35:37We are going to start celebrating early
35:39So at the end of tonight's show we're going to turn the lights on in the studio
35:41But we do want to know who should be the angel on the tree
35:44Message us on Instagram, hashtag lastlegangel
35:47WhatsApp, the number's 07956175908
35:50Scan the QR code on your screen
35:51Next week we'll put the angel on top of the screen
35:53On top of the tree
35:54I'm going to say I think Joe Marla
35:56Should be the angel
35:58Well, he was the only pure soul in Traitors
36:00And like Jesus, he was betrayed at the Last Supper
36:02LAUGHTER
36:04I think maybe IB for final boss
36:07Could have IB for final boss
36:09Would be a good one
36:10Make him more Christmassy
36:11Or maybe even like, maybe bunny blue
36:13Oh
36:14Just like a little queue of wise men
36:16Just
36:17LAUGHTER
36:20Can I just say I don't endorse that message?
36:23LAUGHTER
36:24I can now make a bid for Celia Inry
36:31Who for me is the hero of the year
36:36But I would like you to stick her face to a fart machine
36:45LAUGHTER
36:46Yeah
36:47Perfect
36:48And put her on top of the tree with the final needle up her bum
36:50Yeah
36:51Got it
36:52Alright, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest
36:54Richard, Rosie and Mike are going to have to work out
36:56How this person relates to this week's news
36:58Can we have the mystery guest, please?
37:00Oh
37:02Mysterious guest
37:04I want to get close to you
37:09Josh, Alex, who's the mystery guest?
37:11This is Rhi, she's been in the news this week
37:14But why was she in the news?
37:16Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
37:21So, was Rhi in the news because
37:23After a mistaken eBay purchase
37:25She ended up as the owner of 40,000 double-decker bars
37:29Or, after a mistaken eBay purchase
37:32She ended up as the owner of 200 kilos of free Deidre Rashid memorabilia
37:37Or our final option
37:39After a mistaken eBay purchase
37:41She ended up hatching and raising an emu
37:44One of those is correct
37:47Okay
37:48So, double-decker bars
37:50Free Deidre Rashid memorabilia
37:52Or your emu
37:53What are you thinking?
37:54There aren't 40,000 double-deckers left in the wild are there?
37:59That's something that you can still buy
38:03Well, you can buy one
38:04Well, maybe that explains where they've all gone, Charlie
38:07I think it happened before this week
38:09I want it to be the emu
38:11Yes
38:12But if that is the case
38:13Then I want to know where is the emu now?
38:17Well
38:18Why aren't you nurturing the emu?
38:20If that is the answer
38:22We will find out after the break
38:23And you can ask those questions
38:24Okay
38:25Because we will reveal
38:26The mystery guest after the break
38:28When we have a little bit more last leg for you
38:30And we start Christmas early
38:32What are you thinking?
38:33Are you thinking emu?
38:34Yeah
38:35And I want emu to come on
38:42I think that's the one thing the nation can agree on
38:45We will see you after the break
38:46See you in a little bit
38:56Welcome back to Last Leg
38:58We are joined by Rosa Jones, Mike Wozniak, Richard Osmond
39:02Now before the break
39:03We challenged our guest to work out how this person was connected to the news
39:08Can we have the options again please?
39:10Yes
39:12So was Ria in the news because she made a mistake in eBay purchase of 40,000 double-deckers
39:17Whoa!
39:18Sorry mate
39:19Don't realise my point was that strong
39:21She bought 200 kilograms
39:24Kilograms
39:25Of free Deidre Rashid memorabilia
39:27Or
39:28She made a mistake in eBay purchase and ended up hatching and raising an emu
39:32What do you think the answer is?
39:33Are we allowed to ask three questions or are we just like
39:35Yeah go on
39:36It's a really good idea
39:37Yeah
39:38Are you interested in the consumption of rare meats?
39:41I can't say it's ever crossed my mind
39:46How big an egg do you like at breakfast?
39:50Yeah, yeah
39:51Portion sizes are minimal at breakfast
39:54Oh my god, a clever one
39:57Yeah
39:58What is your favourite chocolate butter?
40:02That is clever
40:03Yeah
40:04I don't want to give things away too much
40:06But I can safely say that between chocolate and eggs
40:09I have got more of a sweet tooth
40:12It was a clever question
40:13What if it was a Capri's emu?
40:15Yeah
40:16I know it would be fun to have the emu out
40:18But it would be even more fun to have 40,000 double-deckers
40:20If you want
40:21So what do you think?
40:22What do you think the answer is?
40:23You guys think emu, don't you?
40:25I'll go double-decker just for some Jeopardy
40:27You're saying double-decker but you're both saying
40:28Oh, it's the producer
40:29I've changed to double-decker
40:31Change to double-decker?
40:32No, don't do that because then the Jeopardy is absurd
40:34Well, I think it's possible she's playing me like a harp
40:38Right
40:39But I'm willing to take the risk
40:41Rosie
40:42Okay, I'll say emu because I really want to call you an emu
40:49Okay
40:50Okay
40:51It sounds like a terrible idea
40:52We really want a double-decker
40:53Yeah
40:54Rhee, can you give us the answer please?
40:57One night I went on eBay and I mistakenly bought an emu egg
41:02namu egg
41:12Okay, let's see him
41:13Did you think you were on timu?
41:15Timu emu?
41:16That's not a bad joke
41:18But I served it
41:19I don't think anyone heard it
41:20Oh, I said did she think she was on timu?
41:22And this is why it could have easily been from anywhere so one night I had
41:38I'd actually taken a sleeping tablet and I was sort of in that twilight zone of falling asleep not being asleep
41:45mistakenly decided to do a bit of late-night shopping online and
41:48Bought a series of quite unhinged purchases that I had no recollection of until the next morning
41:55When I had an email notification that came through to say my emu egg had been dispatched
42:02How did you end up obviously you've hatched it so how did you end up going about
42:07Well, how did you hatch an egg? Oh, so naturally as you do
42:11naturally
42:13I had an incubator
42:16Well Scott, you could buy some stuff for Phoebe didn't you?
42:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, you know again some of the unhinged purchases came in useful in this situation
42:25So now you have a full-grown emu? Yeah, yeah, my pride and joy
42:33Six foot how old is it now? So she's now three
42:37Okay, yeah, do you have like a funny sign and a door? What are we talking what's what do you do with anything with three pre preschool?
42:45What's the other thing?
42:46Well, we went we went through that last year
42:49Yeah, and and they they do sort of accelerate with their aging process a little bit so now she's actually looking for a husband
42:57So she's she's actually just made a tinder profile
43:00Well, you know where to go people really thank you so much for being on the show
43:14All right Josh has been threatening to sue the last seven days
43:17What have you got the first one is some footage we've got during the show?
43:21How does a man with a moustache prepare for part two? Oh, I don't know
43:32It's got a little moustache comb
43:35It's got a secret little moustache comb
43:45I have a comb for every part of my body
43:50And if you subscribe to my YouTube channel you can see them on the show
43:54What else have you got?
43:56Oh, yes, so it's been it's been a bad week for the BBC, but this is better. Would you like to see some terrifying local news footage in which a man
44:06Get some seagulls away from his chips. Yes, please
44:10Would you mind please please no, please don't eat my chips get off my chips
44:17That seems to work
44:20It was a bad edit. He did say please
44:27All right, we did ask you to nominate an angel for the last late Christmas tree the suggestions have come in a few people have said Miriam Margulies
44:32Oh Dick Van Dyke because he turns a hundred in December
44:36The new New York mayor Zoran Mamdani
44:40Alan Carr a few for Joe Mahler
44:42Where's Sarah Cox's shout out?
44:44I mean, it's the last thing she needs at the moment
44:46Do you know what I mean?
44:47She's in a recovery phase
44:48She's literally just about to say the majority of votes that have come in for Sarah Cox
44:52Oh good on her
44:53Sarah Cox has done an amazing 135 miles
44:56Yeah
44:57Yeah
44:58We will unveil the winner next week and keep voting
45:04We're about to end the show by stepping into Christmas early
45:07But before we do would you please thank our guests
45:09Rosie Jones
45:10Mike Wozniak
45:13And Richard Osman
45:15And my co-host Josh Widdicom
45:19And Alex Brooker
45:21We'll be back next week with comedians Jack Dee and Harriet Kemsley
45:25But right now with the world full of Epstein files, leadership challenges and scary budgets
45:30We've decided to step into Christmas a little bit early
45:34So break out the decorations, crack out the eggnog and get ready to celebrate the 41 days of Christmas
45:41Music please
45:43We've decided to have an early Christmas
45:54Just a little bit
45:59With a budget on the way
46:02Someone's going to pay
46:04It's feeling like the world has gone to shit
46:07So we're going to have an early Christmas
46:11Gather round a tree
46:16Cause Trump dislikes the news
46:19There's a chance we're going to lose
46:21The BBC
46:23An Epstein surprise reform on the rise supported by angry men
46:29The world's on fire, temperatures higher, a fight in number 10
46:34The king and queen have both decreed that Andrew's out again
46:38So, fuck it, fuck it, it might as well be Christmas
46:44Everywhere you go
46:48So ignore the burning world
46:51Every boy and every girl can bury their heads right underneath the snow
46:56So screw it all, let's string out Christmas
47:01Make it last for half a year
47:05There's nothing left to lose
47:08So let's all stay off the booze until he stirs here
47:16Merry fucking Christmas everyone
47:19Fuck
47:24Thank you
47:25Thank you
47:26Thank you
47:27Thank you
47:28Thank you
47:29Thank you
47:30Thank you
47:31Thank you
47:32Thank you
47:33Thank you
47:34Thank you
47:35Thank you
47:36Thank you
47:37Thank you
47:38Thank you
47:39Thank you
47:40Thank you
47:41Thank you
47:42Thank you
47:43Thank you
47:44Thank you
47:45Thank you
47:46Thank you
47:47Thank you
47:48Thank you
47:49Thank you
47:50Thank you
47:51Thank you
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