- 5 months ago
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00:00I just want to know, who's the culprit that keeps using my couches as a bin?
00:06Oh...
00:07Oh...
00:09Well, if they're not salt and vinegar, they're not mine.
00:12Oh...
00:13I guarantee you that.
00:14It's either you or you.
00:15No, no, no, that's him.
00:16That's him.
00:17Onion rings?
00:18Really?
00:19When do you ever see me eating onion rings?
00:20Roo on the sides of them yolks there then.
00:23See, see, see, can we find that and...
00:25Usually he does the chocolate wrappers and he blames you.
00:29There you go!
00:31Don't get it!
00:32Don't get it!
00:33Oh!
00:34Uh-oh!
00:35It did what?
00:37It's finished.
00:39Is it?
00:40It's not!
00:41It's rotten!
00:42Oh my god, I want to die for him!
00:46Ew!
00:47Oh!
00:48No!
00:49No!
00:50No!
00:51Guys, that's crazy!
00:52Don't give you any more of them!
00:53A wooger.
00:54I need a cup of tea after that.
00:57Perfect!
00:58Perfect world!
00:59Perfect world!
01:01In the week when Conor McGregor decided he wouldn't be our next president after all,
01:08we watched loads of great telly.
01:11RTE1 got us reacquainted with Flatley and his flute.
01:20Is he still going?
01:21Oh, no, that's going on too long.
01:22Sorry, Michael, I love you, but Jesus Christ.
01:25Try the water, Adam Patrick.
01:27Virgin Media 2 had us all feeling a little squeamish.
01:31Small neither.
01:32I, for one, am fascinated to see how this works.
01:35Oh my.
01:36That's longer than his Johnson.
01:37Jesus.
01:38This is like when I got me in-grown toenail taken out.
01:40Yeah, I don't think that and your being willy is the same kind of thing.
01:43And Netflix had us breaking bread with royalty.
01:49Looks nice to be fair.
01:50Yeah, it says it does.
01:51She's nice, I don't believe a word of it.
01:54She's what the fuck would she know about cooking?
01:56In Kilkenny.
02:02Happy birthday to you.
02:07Meet Katie, her boyfriend Jack and the rest of the Saunders family.
02:13Happy birthday dear love of my life.
02:19For fuck's sake.
02:20Happy birthday to you.
02:24Hip hip.
02:25Hooray.
02:26Hip hip.
02:27Hooray.
02:28Hey.
02:29Wait, wait, wait, wait.
02:30Bobby, come here.
02:31Bobby.
02:32Bobby, come here.
02:33Bobby, what have you got to say?
02:34What have you got to say?
02:35We'll give you something.
02:36Happy birthday.
02:37Hey.
02:38Thanks, Bob.
02:39On Tuesday, RTE1 brought us more mystery and intrigue from Slain Castle.
02:45Previously on The Traitors.
02:48Oh.
02:49Oh shut up, my show is on.
02:51Best thing on TV.
02:52No, Anita, I must be the only one in Ireland that hasn't been watching this.
02:56This is The Traitors.
02:59Right, you know that game?
03:00You know that one where you don't know who the killers are?
03:02Oh.
03:03Well, it's like that.
03:04Cluedo?
03:05Yeah.
03:06On the show, we watch the nation's newest style icon deliver the latest shocking twist in the game.
03:12The Traitors murdered in plain sight.
03:15One of the faithful is dying slowly in front of your eyes.
03:19This is my favourite kill.
03:21This is the secret kill.
03:22Did anything weird happen to any of you or something?
03:26Who touched the champagne bottle?
03:27Faye, you touched it.
03:28I opened one.
03:29And then I tried to help you open it.
03:30Yeah, me and you opened one.
03:31Who opened it one?
03:32She's so good.
03:33She's on the ball.
03:34Yeah.
03:35We watched as Christine and the rest of the players tried to work out who would be dead by the end of the mission.
03:42Please follow me into the castle.
03:44You see him?
03:45That's Nick.
03:46He had to hug someone and they don't know that they're dying.
03:50Does the person themselves know?
03:51No.
03:52Not right now.
03:53Wake me up and this is horrible, will ya?
03:55Can't fucking follow this fucking shit at all.
03:58He's the biggest traitor, that fella there.
04:00He's from there.
04:01God, you little look at him.
04:03I'll be honest with you, I actually at one stage, Charlie was at a funeral.
04:07I was, thanks very much for coming, the whole lot.
04:09Lord above, he's just a legend.
04:11I wish Paddy was my dad, so lad.
04:14They all started taking tea and sandwiches.
04:17Oh, look, they're having the tea and all.
04:19So nice.
04:20They hit different.
04:21What, when there's a corpse in the room?
04:23They just taste nicer.
04:25Ben.
04:27Faye.
04:28Christine.
04:29Oh my God, they look at the...
04:31What in the...
04:32No.
04:33Oh my God, I would die.
04:35There's no way you would put me into that.
04:37I'm as claustrophobic.
04:38They're going to bury him.
04:39I'd die.
04:40Oh, you wouldn't get...
04:41You couldn't pay me to do that.
04:43Oh, I would.
04:44I'd enjoy the bloody rest.
04:45She's terrified inside, isn't it?
04:46Well, it wouldn't be nice to lie in a coffin, would it?
04:48Very.
04:49And if you were about to lose 50,000 euro, wouldn't you be nearly on the verge of tears?
04:53You'd be on the verge of tears.
04:54You'd be on the verge of tears if you lost a fibre.
04:56The person who has been cursed by the traitors and been murdered is Christine.
05:05Well, they've just lost 300,000 viewers in Cork.
05:09We've won nothing this year.
05:10Please, can we close the coffin of Christine?
05:13Oh my God, they're going to close it on her.
05:15Oh no, they don't.
05:17They do.
05:18Oh, Jesus Christ, can you help me?
05:22No.
05:23Oh my God.
05:24Go on, close the lid.
05:25Rest in peace, Christine.
05:27I can still hear you.
05:29Bye.
05:30My head would be melted.
05:32You see, the problem now is I don't trust anyone anyway.
05:35No, we know that.
05:36You'd be an excellent traitor.
05:38You're very duplicitous.
05:39With another round table and the offing, the faithful have a chance to enact revenge immediately.
05:45So now what they're going to do is they're going to discuss and nominate who they think the traitors are to boot them out.
05:51Have you finally worked out who to trust?
05:53I don't trust any of the fuckers.
05:55Who wouldn't trust you even if we were playing it?
05:57You'd be right to.
05:59I'd hang me own mother for 50 grand.
06:02Are the two ye walking together?
06:05Nick said he was asked to be seduced and refused.
06:10I think Pawdy is genuinely learning the rules and the game just as he's going along.
06:16Yeah.
06:17And he's getting better at it.
06:18You're obviously trying to get me out before I get you.
06:20Somebody's obviously told you that.
06:22Nobody has told me anything.
06:23What is his deal at the round table going after the other traitors?
06:27You know how I made my theory about it being traitor and traitor and traitor?
06:32Get him, Ian.
06:33She's brilliant.
06:34She's on the money all the time.
06:36You could be absolutely right or absolutely wrong.
06:38You told me you could be absolutely right.
06:39And I said to you, how do you know there's only three?
06:41No, no, no.
06:42Oh, why is he doing this?
06:44Jesus Christ.
06:45Go home to your son.
06:47Daddy.
06:48You put my name down and I go.
06:50Well, I'm asking you to watch what you're doing.
06:53Oh, he is good.
06:54He is good.
06:55Please write down the name of the person who you think is a traitor.
07:00Oh, here we go, Connor.
07:02Ian, we'll start with you.
07:04Please don't pick potty.
07:05Please don't pick potty.
07:06Um, I voted for you, potty.
07:08No.
07:09Not my man, potty.
07:10I do think that you are protecting unknowingly a traitor.
07:15Oh.
07:16Not the traitor being a traitor to the traitor.
07:22For the final vote, Ben, who do you believe is a traitor and why?
07:28I'm going for you, potty, eh?
07:31Ah!
07:32No!
07:33I can't.
07:34No, it was time for him to go.
07:35No.
07:36Oh.
07:37Oh.
07:38Oh.
07:39Paulding, you have received the most votes.
07:42Bye.
07:43Get out, you old bastard, you.
07:44On my way home to my wife, my four beautiful children.
07:49You might know my family, but you've met one of them.
07:52My son, Andrew, and I am a traitor.
07:55Ah!
07:56Ah!
07:57Amazing!
07:58Mic drop!
07:59Mic drop!
08:00Ah!
08:01Mic drop!
08:02Mic drop!
08:03Ah!
08:04Mic drop!
08:09I am so shocked he lasted so long.
08:12He thought he was going in for fucking Wheel of Fortune, I'd say.
08:15Jesus Christ, I can't believe party's gone.
08:16Right here, shall we do a little toast to party?
08:17Yeah, to party.
08:18Party to party.
08:19Rest in peace.
08:20In Dun Laoghaire, I was always very odd about getting older, right?
08:27And then when I turned 44, I was like, I look okay for 44.
08:30I do.
08:31Friends, David and John.
08:33Do you know when you go back home, and you meet someone that you were in school with,
08:37that obviously bullied you, and they are in bits!
08:41There's nothing better!
08:42Oh my god!
08:43And you're there with your lovely moisturised face.
08:45Yeah, and they were like the shit in school, and they made you feel fucking awful, and now
08:50you're just like the fucking stadia.
08:51But you know why it is?
08:52God, being gay is great.
08:53It's because those people reached success too early, so they felt like they didn't have
08:56to put an effort in, whereas we constantly had to claw.
08:58Yeah.
08:59Our self-doubt and hatred continues.
09:01Yeah.
09:02Well, we look well.
09:03It's worth it.
09:04This week, Netflix invited us all around to this fancy gaff.
09:10We are making starter for sourdough.
09:14We have to gather.
09:15Oh, Jesus, it's our self!
09:17Prince Harry's woman!
09:18Oh!
09:19For fuck's sake!
09:21It is a very lengthy process.
09:24You know, sourdough is a labour of love.
09:26I heard that making sourdough is like making a yeast infection in a bowl.
09:30I don't know.
09:31Sourdough.
09:32Yeah.
09:33It's supposed to be beautiful bread.
09:34Sourdough.
09:35As we know with baking, the specificity of measurements is a real thing.
09:40She's what the fuck would she know about cooking?
09:43I feel a little nervous.
09:45I'm going to have patience for this.
09:47Ah!
09:48Have you put everything in a fucking bowl like our grandmother did?
09:52Yeah, mix it up with a big spoon and then your hands.
09:54Oh, yes.
09:55Oh, I've done it.
09:57Okay, day two.
09:58It does not look like much has happened.
10:03It's not funky.
10:04If this bread tastes like ours, I'm going to have to be almost...
10:07That looks wrong.
10:08This process is called feeding the starter.
10:12It kind of looks like the bottom of a tiramisu.
10:15Oh, shit.
10:16Hey, three.
10:17Back to her resting spot.
10:22I will say, each day it's getting easier.
10:30There's this whole Netflix show about who are making fucking bread.
10:33One loaf of bread.
10:34One loaf of bread.
10:35We're actually going to make our bread.
10:37It'll end soon, I promise.
10:39It's going on for so long.
10:41Woo!
10:42I can't wait to see how it'll turn out.
10:44But first, we wait again.
10:47What I love about it, though, is how natural it feels.
10:55Looks nice, to be fair.
10:56Yeah, it does.
10:57I don't believe a word of it.
11:02Look at how the design came out.
11:04You did it.
11:05Yeah.
11:06Wait till you see it now when you cut it.
11:08Oh.
11:09It does be fabulous.
11:10Oh, I love a sourdough, though.
11:12Sourdough.
11:13The royal family can't do it because they're all in bread.
11:17After a fruitful seven days, Megan brought a famous friend around to sample the goods.
11:23I know you love flowers, so I thought we might do our own project.
11:26And make little pressed jewelry.
11:27But we'll make them with the flowers of our kids' birth month.
11:30So cute.
11:31Yeah, I have to look up what the kids are.
11:32We both have May and June birthdays for our kids.
11:35Yeah, yeah.
11:36Look, I had to get a tattoo of their birthdays.
11:37Because I don't remember.
11:38She's a bit young to be losing her memory.
11:40She doesn't even know her own children's birthdays.
11:43Ugh.
11:44Wait, is that 16 or 18?
11:45Oh, no.
11:4618.
11:47Oh, no.
11:48That's just, yeah.
11:49Yeah, it's a little bit blurry.
11:50What's fucking Prince Harry down drawing all this?
11:52He's down the town now, right?
11:54Million points.
11:55Oh, I wouldn't say that.
11:57Where's, where's Megan?
11:58Oh, I shouldn't have got Megan bread, lads.
12:00I can't go back for a week and a half.
12:02Yeah.
12:03You'll see there's so many tiny darling flowers, like the cosmos there, those pansies.
12:10Oh, my goodness.
12:11They're so removed from reality, it's bananas.
12:14See, this is what you do, right?
12:16When you marry a prince.
12:17Yeah.
12:18We have big money.
12:19That doesn't really want to be a prince anymore.
12:21Welcome to the craft barn.
12:23Stop.
12:24Isn't it so good?
12:25Oh, my gosh.
12:27There is nothing more annoying than super, super wealthy people cosplaying normal people.
12:34Oh, cool.
12:35Oh, my gosh.
12:36Oh, wow.
12:37I can't believe that that's preserved that much color.
12:41Yeah.
12:42I mean, I think those are done.
12:43It's like a really affluent art attack.
12:46It is.
12:48Sweet.
12:49Gosh, it's beautiful.
12:50Oh, that's so beautiful.
12:51I take it all back.
12:53The girl is a genius.
12:54Wait, I love this a lot.
12:56I really love it so much.
12:57No, not Ork.
12:58Good woman.
12:59I can't watch anything but her.
13:01Oh, good woman.
13:02I'm going home.
13:03Ah, there's a good girl.
13:05I feel dumber for having watched that.
13:07Ha, ha, ha, ha.
13:26In Clare, Tighe and his granny, Etty.
13:31How was Fenora?
13:32Fabulous.
13:33The tranquillity and the...
13:35We were three minutes from the beach.
13:38Yeah.
13:39And, er...
13:40Sorry as well, I farted.
13:41Just fair warning to you.
13:43Listen here.
13:44Ah, you don't have to tell me.
13:46I think it's common courtesy
13:47that if you flatulate around someone
13:48that you warn them
13:49that you know it's going to smell.
13:50If it's a quiet one
13:52that you don't think is going to smell yet
13:53then don't say nothing.
13:54There's no need to make a show
13:55because your...
13:58defecation particles...
14:01Listen, I don't want to hear that, Tighe.
14:04OK?
14:05It's a gas that you release.
14:07Yeah.
14:08OK?
14:09You'd just say excuse me.
14:10But, er...
14:11I couldn't say enough.
14:12No one was lovely.
14:17Everything's shit.
14:18On Thursday,
14:19the RTE News brought us news
14:21about RTE on RTE One.
14:26For the first time in 60 years,
14:28Ireland may not submit an entry
14:30to the Eurovision Song Contest next year.
14:32Oh, excellent.
14:34Oh no, not the Eurovision.
14:36RTE has announced that it will not take part
14:38if Israel does.
14:40But how the fuck is Israel in Europe, anyway?
14:42This is what I don't understand.
14:43Why are they allowed to perform
14:44when Russia's gone?
14:45Because the rules are different
14:47for Israel.
14:48I used to be obsessed with the Eurovision.
14:50I used to love watching it every year.
14:52Not anymore, though.
14:53It's lost its magic.
14:55The Eurovision Song Contest,
14:56produced by the EBU,
14:57the European Broadcasting Union,
14:59is the world's biggest live
15:01annual televised music event.
15:02They were in it last year.
15:03Everyone was pissed off last year
15:05and said,
15:06don't send an act.
15:07This is a disgrace.
15:08Why are you going?
15:09Nothing has changed within that year.
15:11It has only got progressively worse
15:13on all accounts.
15:14And now it's just like,
15:15oh, now we won't go.
15:16Also, we're fucking shite,
15:17so what's the point?
15:18And over the last two years,
15:20it has been the focus of much criticism
15:22for the ongoing participation of Israel
15:24in the contest.
15:25It's full of gays,
15:26and let me tell you,
15:28they know how to hold a grudge.
15:30If you start a war and commit genocide,
15:32they're going to be annoyed
15:33that you're at their concert.
15:34RT feels that Ireland's participation
15:36would be unconscionable
15:38given the ongoing and appalling
15:39loss of lives in Gaza.
15:41No offence, RT,
15:42but why is it now?
15:43Why wasn't it last year?
15:45What, does it get through
15:46a certain number of deaths?
15:47Yeah, yeah.
15:48And you're like,
15:49now's too far.
15:50And that RT is also deeply concerned
15:52by the targeted killing
15:53of journalists in Gaza.
15:54It's shocking.
15:55Like, the fact that they're purposely
15:57targeting journalists
15:59so that the actual news
16:01of what's happening in Palestine
16:02can't go out to the wider public,
16:04it's fucking disgraceful, like.
16:06This is an independent decision by RT.
16:08This is a decision that they have taken
16:10as a broadcaster.
16:12I love the way he's using this now
16:14as a platform,
16:15to have a big bloody poster behind him
16:16and his party name as well.
16:18The NUJ from the Dublin Broadcasting Branch
16:20here welcoming,
16:21strongly welcoming the statement
16:22and saying they feel it reflects
16:23the views of the staff working in RT
16:25and indeed the public.
16:26So one time I can actually say,
16:28good for you, RT.
16:29I know.
16:30I hope they stick to their guns now
16:31and don't give in.
16:32Listen, if there's one thing
16:33that we've been doing
16:35is sticking to our guns
16:36when it comes to this,
16:37our stance on this,
16:38the whole country has.
16:40This is the 70th anniversary
16:42of the Eurovision next year,
16:43so it's a particularly significant one.
16:45Jesus, you were five
16:47when the Eurovision started.
16:48Did you watch the first one?
16:50No, we didn't have a television.
16:52We should not get it on YouTube
16:54on your phone, no?
17:01In Cork.
17:03So you booked a synagogue
17:04house down, right?
17:05Tootsies.
17:06Dale and her wife Dawn.
17:08I get really self-conscious
17:09every time I go there.
17:10So I only go there
17:11like once every six months
17:14because I don't care.
17:15Yeah.
17:16But it's when
17:17they go at my heels
17:18and I know they're judging me.
17:20Oh, because that flakes off
17:21like cheese, don't it?
17:22It's literally like cheese.
17:23Yeah, I know.
17:24It's disgusting.
17:25How do I not cheese?
17:26See, the thing...
17:27The thing is with you, right,
17:31is that
17:32I see them lift up your foot
17:34and they get out this fancy grate
17:36and you don't think
17:37for zest and lemons.
17:38It's just hard skin, like.
17:39And they be zesting...
17:40Great.
17:41They're not playing the violin, like.
17:42They might as well.
17:43Donny, it looks like someone
17:44has gotten a miniature grater
17:46to a potato and it just...
17:48Potato?
17:49And then you have the audacity
17:50then to go to this to me.
17:51Why are you making eye contact
17:53with me without flaking off you?
17:55I still love you though,
17:56but Jesus.
17:57On Wednesday,
17:58a new prime video drama
18:00had us questioning
18:01some relationships.
18:03Oh!
18:04This is meant to be absolute sensational trash!
18:19Fighting?
18:20Are we messing?
18:21What's happening?
18:22Like a shark, wasn't it?
18:23The way they twist you around.
18:24This is a romantic tossing.
18:25Yeah, obviously.
18:26It's not normal for an old lady
18:30to be that strong.
18:31What the heck is going on?
18:33I'm so happy you're here.
18:35I've missed you.
18:36Wow, Mom.
18:37You've been away so long.
18:38I've got quite neglected.
18:39Mom!
18:40Get off him!
18:43Dad tells me
18:44that you haven't been sleeping
18:45at home very much.
18:46Who is this one?
18:47You remind me of her.
18:49Or she reminds you of me.
18:53I know where this is going.
18:54This is some weird
18:55fucking mom-girlfriend thing
18:57or something, is it?
18:58Yeah, yeah.
18:59I've recently got really into saunas.
19:00Who?
19:01Saunas.
19:02My God.
19:03It's like every wanker bucket checked.
19:05Well, there's so many around here.
19:07Did your personal trainer
19:08or your therapist tell you to go?
19:09Both.
19:10Did you?
19:11You must have popped out
19:12when the cleaner was here.
19:14The show had us on edge
19:16as we watch Daniel bring his girlfriend round
19:19to his mom's house.
19:20Hello.
19:21Hello.
19:22Lovely to meet you, Mrs. Anderson.
19:23And please, call me Laura.
19:24Laura.
19:25I remember the first time
19:26you brought me home to meet your ma.
19:28What did you get interrogated?
19:29Fuckin' 20 questions.
19:31Well, it didn't put you off.
19:32You stayed for 40 years,
19:33so I think we're okay.
19:35You are ravishing.
19:38It wouldn't be the type of dress
19:40you'd be going to wear
19:41to meet your in-laws
19:42for the first time, is it?
19:43No.
19:44I actually have no idea what I wore.
19:46Because it was a long enough drive, like, so...
19:48Probably the same thing you are now.
19:50Probably.
19:51So nice to meet you.
19:53Nice to meet you too.
19:54The mother is sensing something about her, isn't she?
19:56It's like, why are they giving each other the eyes?
19:58Who is this?
19:59That's Moses.
20:00He's gorgeous.
20:02Oh shit, the window's open.
20:04That cat's getting out.
20:05He's a resident prisoner.
20:07He's an indoor cat.
20:09Okay, I'm calling it now.
20:10The cat dies.
20:11We watched as Laura witnessed a surprising blow
20:15to her son's relationship.
20:17Now, what is she going to see?
20:19Is there a fucking need?
20:24What is happening?
20:26Ah, no.
20:27That's disrespectful, Jackie.
20:28I think it's great.
20:31I think it perfectly suits you, Terry.
20:34Fuck!
20:35Fuck!
20:36The bitch!
20:37She done that intentionally.
20:38If ever there was an Irish mammy way of saying I don't like you,
20:41it's hot gravy in the vag.
20:43Terry, I'm so sorry.
20:44What the hell?
20:45It's fine.
20:46No, it's fine.
20:47Sorry, it was just really, really hot.
20:49I'm so sorry.
20:50Is something wrong with you?
20:51Yeah, she's a lot kiss.
20:52Maybe the mother's the psycho.
20:53Yeah.
20:54The mother is the psycho.
20:55That's what I said to you.
20:56Oh, I thought she was the psycho.
20:57The young one.
20:58Hi, Moses.
20:59Ow!
21:00Ah!
21:01You wee fuck.
21:02Shit.
21:03Oh, not the window.
21:05She's crazy.
21:06Did she show you?
21:07Oh my God, it's a house clown.
21:08The show took us back to Cherry's mam's,
21:09where she got a little relationship advice.
21:11What is wrong with loving someone who happens to you?
21:14Mom?
21:15They'll never marry you.
21:16Okay.
21:17Look, I'm a butcher and your father was a builder, love.
21:18She's a butcher?
21:19No way.
21:20They stick to their own.
21:21Okay.
21:22Okay.
21:23It's boring now, Mom.
21:24What a weird way to talk to your daughter.
21:25In her own little way.
21:26She's trying to keep her from getting hurt.
21:28We got a glimpse into Cherry's previous life,
21:29as we saw a little relationship advice.
21:31What a weird way to talk to your daughter.
21:33In her own little way.
21:34She's trying to keep her from getting hurt.
21:36We got a glimpse into Cherry's previous life,
21:38as we saw a little girl.
21:39She's trying to keep her from getting hurt.
21:41We got a glimpse into Cherry's previous life,
21:43as we watched her have a run-in with her ex.
21:46Stop stalking me, you creepy little fuck.
21:49What?
21:50What the hell's going on?
21:51I'm getting married on Saturday.
21:53It's over, okay?
21:54Move on.
21:55I have moved on.
21:56I can't believe I actually used to fuck you.
21:57You make my skin crawl.
21:59Fair play.
22:00Oh, lovely.
22:04Later, the weirdness continued,
22:06as Cherry spent the evening in her mam's butcher shop.
22:10Da-doom, da-doom, da-doom, da-doom.
22:13Animals flow.
22:15You're in the mind of a cannibal chain.
22:17Where chaos and panicky roam.
22:19Oh, my God.
22:20Oh!
22:21Mary had the little lamb,
22:23whose fleece was white as snow.
22:25Oh.
22:26Woman of many talents, I see.
22:27Horrific, explicit, I'll be parasitic,
22:29acidic, I'll meet in your flag.
22:31What is happening?
22:32This is good, isn't it?
22:33I am the belly, I am the piece.
22:35Oh, my God, she's going to the wedding!
22:37Oh, my God, what's she going to do?
22:40Yes, I'm an animal.
22:41Yes, I'm an animal.
22:42Yes, sometimes the things I say
22:43I will be waging more from that capital.
22:45Yes, I will...
22:46Oh!
22:47Oh!
22:48Oh, you mad bitch.
22:49She's a fucking lunatic, I love her.
22:51My phone's in a paddling pool.
22:52Yes, I'm tyrannical, girl.
22:54I'm on her side.
22:55Animal.
22:56Okay, so this girl is obviously a psycho.
23:00I will watch every episode of that with absolute joy.
23:07Book delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
23:13Book delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
23:19In, Carlo.
23:23I was doing work there during the week.
23:26I was getting a cup of tea at the tea station.
23:29Mates, Greg, John and Eric.
23:32You bring in your own tea bags, coffee, whatever.
23:35Tea in, fill up the hot water, open the fridge.
23:38There's a two litre jug of milk.
23:40About halfway down, no name on it.
23:42So I took out and I was about to pour myself a drop of milk.
23:46And lady came up and says, excuse me, that's my milk.
23:49And I was like, oh, sorry.
23:51She goes, I'll have you know it's not a free for all.
23:55You see, you could say that she overreacted,
23:58but you can't say she had no grounds to react.
24:00You can't live a two litre of milk underneath where you make tea
24:04and not expect somebody to throw a drop in a cup of tea in your coffee.
24:07I don't think it's the quantity that matters.
24:08It's the action of it though.
24:10But I think it's general understanding.
24:11If you put milk in a fridge without your name on it, that's communal.
24:14I'd be queer embarrassed, but I also wouldn't have the neck to call someone out on it.
24:18No, I nearly respect it.
24:19On Friday night, an old favourite was back on our screens on RTE1.
24:29You're coming too early as usual Dave.
24:31Oh, sorry.
24:41Now ladies and gentlemen, let's have a welcome for Patrick Cutie.
24:44I'm only copping on that's gay born's voice.
24:46Is he not that?
24:47Would you please welcome, Mr. Michael Flatley!
24:50Michael Flatley?
24:51Michael Flatley, again.
24:53He's always on this fucking show.
24:55You know who Michael Flatley is, don't you?
24:57He's your man from Riverdance, from the Eurovision.
25:01Up until last week, we thought we were going to be swapping Michael D for Michael F.
25:06Question we're all asking, what happened?
25:10You didn't dance your way into the RSDC.
25:13I decided the timing wasn't right.
25:16Because no one wanted you to be president.
25:18Slash, I realised I would get no votes or could be nominated.
25:21You know, these things in life, you have to take it very seriously.
25:25And I do take it seriously.
25:27He's got a real Irish accent now, wasn't he?
25:29No.
25:30And now what's your first act as president?
25:34I think I can serve the people of Ireland a lot better.
25:37Continuing to do what I do.
25:39Promoting Ireland and Irish culture globally.
25:42Representing what?
25:44What's exactly?
25:45Well, in fairness, Tracey.
25:47Riverdance.
25:48Yeah, he didn't invent Irish dancing in ETA.
25:50He modernised it.
25:51He's annoying me.
25:52That's typically the Americans.
25:54You know, it would be mendacious of me to say that I have a clean bill of health right
25:59now as well.
26:00I don't think that would be fair.
26:02Is he sick?
26:03Yeah, he had cancer, didn't he?
26:05Did he?
26:06No.
26:07I'm sorry for giving out about him.
26:08How are you doing?
26:09I know you're still getting treatment for your cancer.
26:11Oh.
26:12Oh, I feel bad now.
26:13To be fair, he wasn't talking about having cancer five seconds ago.
26:16He said he was running for...
26:18What was he talking about?
26:19Yeah, I'm good.
26:21Patrick, the good times outweigh the bad.
26:24You know, I feel great.
26:25I feel like I'm on the way back.
26:26He looks healthy for a man with cancer.
26:28He does.
26:29But inside in me, I was still lonely because I knew that it was me and this terrible disease.
26:35Yeah, cancer does leave its mark, doesn't it, really?
26:38Definitely.
26:39We're now lumping me throat over Michael Flatney now.
26:40That's sad, isn't it?
26:41That was sad, yeah.
26:42Put things into respect of it.
26:44Imagine knowing that that's going on.
26:46You couldn't enjoy anything.
26:47No.
26:48We have a flute just behind you here tonight.
26:52Last time you were here...
26:53Just by accident.
26:54Just by accident.
26:55Oh, there's his flute now.
26:57He's whipping his flute out now.
26:59You can't tell a serious story about cancer and then look down at a flute like it's a rifle.
27:04That's Patrick's sin to say, can we please cheer things up a little bit?
27:09Yes, I will.
27:10I tried to play the flute before, actually, it's really hard.
27:13You've tried playing the recorder and my ears have not recovered.
27:15Eh, I can play the recorder, not I tried to.
27:17He's able to play it though.
27:18But that one could have been the president, lads.
27:19Just saying.
27:20Everyone in that audience is complicit.
27:22I just clapped.
27:23I feel like I'm complicit.
27:24Is he still going, Jesus Christ?
27:25Yeah, he is, yeah.
27:26Oh, no, that's going on too long.
27:27Sorry, Michael, I love you, but throw the water on him, Patrick.
27:29Like, I actually think I might be able to go take a shower and come back.
27:36That's his party piece.
27:37I'd say that's all he can play on the flute.
27:38Well, you don't like him, you ever.
27:39No, I don't dislike him, actually.
27:40I just don't think that because you've done that.
27:41That's all he can play on the flute.
27:42Well, you don't like him, you ever.
27:43I don't dislike him, actually.
27:44I just don't think that because of the notion that you'll go and put yourself forward from
28:09Phil the flute or whatever his fucking name is.
28:12In the Liberties...
28:14Rolling, rolling, rolling.
28:16Keep your boom rolling right.
28:21Friends, Tracy and Anita.
28:24I love your energy.
28:25Stop touching me.
28:27Why do you keep doing that?
28:29I just, you're very irresistible.
28:31You do that to everyone.
28:34I hate anyone touching me.
28:37Well, people be with you, peace be with you in mass.
28:40And instead of shaking someone's hand, you're all over them, hugging them.
28:43You bring up mass every single time we sit down and you're never there.
28:48On Monday, BBC One Northern Ireland gave us a revealing look at life north of the border.
28:57True north.
28:58I've recorded this.
29:00I think this is about strippers.
29:02There's nothing I can really...
29:04Oh.
29:07Do, like, I have this and I want to have it for the rest of my life.
29:13Oh, she's a stutter, bless her.
29:14Oh, bless her.
29:15Imagine how hard that is to try and actually talk, but you just can't get it out.
29:21My brother used to stammer when he was younger.
29:24Yeah.
29:25In Northern Ireland, an estimated 5% of adults and 1% of children stammer.
29:31Courtney Adair knows this well.
29:34So there's not a time in my life when I remember not having a stutter or being able to speak fluently completely.
29:40That's never been a thing.
29:41I also don't know anybody in the community who has a stutter.
29:48The terrible thing is, it's human nature.
29:51I've done it myself.
29:52When you're talking to someone with a stammer, you're nearly trying to finish a sentence for them.
29:56I know.
29:57You think you're helping, but you're not.
29:58I remember being taken for, er, being taken out of, out of, class, er, to go to, er, speech therapy.
30:15Our brother had a terrible stammer.
30:17It was awful.
30:18God love him.
30:19And then people, you go, b-b-b-b-b-b-b.
30:22I got into more rows and things over that.
30:25Terrible.
30:26He mocked my brother.
30:28In case I was a bitch.
30:30Courtney and Nathan are taking part in the Maguire Programme, an intensive three-day course led by individuals with a stammer.
30:37For new students, you can see how the coaches opposite are putting on their belts.
30:45I've seen something a bit like this.
30:47So if they start doing it, it starts training you how to go, drawing a breath, and then the world will come out then.
30:54So the belt acts as a reminder to take that full breath.
30:58Oh.
30:59Okay.
31:00Must be very uncomfortable for women.
31:02The tat-tas.
31:03What did I call them today?
31:05The booblets or something.
31:07Yeah.
31:08New students, now it's your turn.
31:11Breathe.
31:12Good.
31:13Release that air, release that air, and pause.
31:19I'm nearly braiding with them.
31:22You do?
31:23The intensity of the course has taken its toll on Courtney.
31:26I would literally get people ringing me and no caller ID and just pretending to have a s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s.
31:39Imagine actually picking up a phone to just slag someone off like that.
31:41Oh, no!
31:42I just got to the point where I felt like I was never going to stop around.
31:50It made me feel like I was nothing and I isolate myself all the time over it because it's easier to hide than get embarrassed trying to speak to people.
32:02She's years of emotions, God love her.
32:05It's difficult. It's harder than I thought.
32:08It's harder than I thought it would be.
32:13Like when someone can't communicate, it's just soul-destroying.
32:18Like I see that with the brother, like the fact that he's non-verbal.
32:21Can't stop crying.
32:22It's okay. It's okay.
32:26It's an emotional time.
32:28Come on, you can do it.
32:30I'm not being an asshole, but I'm wondering if this entire process would have gone much better for them if there weren't cameras there.
32:37I would say that.
32:38Do you know what I mean?
32:40We nervously followed Courtney and Nathan later in the show as they took their newfound skills to the streets.
32:46Our last challenge is to do a speech in front of the public.
32:52Oh, that's a tough one.
32:54That's difficult for a lot of people.
32:55I even have a problem with this.
32:56I struggle now with this.
32:59And I have perfect diction, John.
33:00And exhibitionist tendencies.
33:02New students, when you're ready.
33:04Come on, lads.
33:12Courtney Adair.
33:13No.
33:16Nathan Tate.
33:17Oh, man.
33:18I have been through all the emotions, although I've fought through, and I've got to where I am today.
33:30And I am so proud of myself.
33:37I feel like I have finally found my voice.
33:43Well done, both of you.
33:46That was lovely.
33:47Now, it wasn't the stripper program I thought it was going to be.
33:49Book Delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
34:00Book Delivery sponsors Gogglebox Ireland.
34:10In Betty's town...
34:11I have a genuine question.
34:13Have you ever heard of Bovril?
34:16Connor and his sister, Emma.
34:18Are you high?
34:19No.
34:20No.
34:20Do you know what it is?
34:21No.
34:22I was giving out food the other day when I was in work.
34:25And I had loads of people coming up to me and being like, do you sell Bovril?
34:28And I literally turned around to them.
34:29I'm going to be honest with you.
34:30Loads of people have asked me that tonight.
34:32I don't know what Bovril is.
34:33So I googled it.
34:34It's like this beef yeast extract thing.
34:37It looks rotten, right?
34:39But if you mix it with water, it turns into like a beef drink yolk, right?
34:44Okay.
34:45Never heard of it.
34:46Sounds rotten.
34:47So then there was a whole debate then.
34:49Everyone that I asked in work, everyone over the age of 40 was like, how do you not know
34:55what Bovril is?
34:55Bovril's massive.
34:56And everyone that I asked that was there right, she was like, what the fuck is Bovril?
34:59So I just wanted to test me too.
35:01You don't know what it is either.
35:02Yeah.
35:02No, it's new.
35:03But I was just like, what else do we not know about that like our mom would know about?
35:09The Great Depression.
35:10On Thursday, a former Love Islander was back on Virgin Media 2 to show us the modern world
35:18of makeovers.
35:20I'm Olivia Ratwood.
35:23And I know a lot about the pressures to look perfect.
35:26Come with you, a Love Island one, what you?
35:27Yeah.
35:28It's gone too far.
35:29Everyone looks like an alien now.
35:35What's long and thin, covered in skin, red and packed and goes in tarts?
35:40Rhubarb.
35:41Men are not talking to each other about their penises.
35:46No, they don't.
35:47Do you and your male friends talk about this?
35:51No.
35:52It's not really on the agenda.
35:54And I think maybe the casualness in which we approach talking about penises and penis size
36:01does have an effect on male confidence and ego.
36:05Growing up, I don't ever really remember feeling under pressure over penis.
36:10Olivia brought us to meet a specialist to find out the lengths people will go in the
36:16pursuit of perfection.
36:18Some of them, they don't feel confident.
36:19Yeah.
36:20They feel really down.
36:21Yeah.
36:22Sometimes I understand them because they really need it.
36:26Is it all about getting injectables in their penis?
36:27Yeah.
36:28He's going to make it bigger.
36:30And I, for one, am fascinated to see how this works.
36:33Oh, my God.
36:34Hi.
36:35Hi.
36:35Hi.
36:35How are you?
36:36Long time ago, when I was a teenage, I had an ex and one time she mentioned that, no,
36:42it's not good enough for me, something like that.
36:44Well, then tell her to fuck off.
36:46Yeah, she's not his girlfriend anymore.
36:48Yeah.
36:48Have a seat here, please.
36:51I want to ensure that...
36:52It's not painful, no?
36:53No, it's not.
36:54It's a small needle.
36:55And even there, when I'm being nervous, I mean, the old dick has a tendency to retreat.
36:59You're fantastic.
37:00That's fine.
37:02Do you know what I mean?
37:02Yeah.
37:03Like, if that goes up, what's wrong with him?
37:05You wouldn't want any more.
37:06He's putting a bit more batter on the sausage like he's not...
37:08Oh, stop.
37:09Don't call it batter.
37:09Oh, now that's the one going in now.
37:12It's bigger than I thought it was going to be.
37:15Oh, just size that needle.
37:17Ah!
37:17That's longer than his Johnson.
37:19Oh.
37:20This is like when I got me ingrown toenail taken out.
37:22They put a fucking injection on the top of your toe.
37:25Yeah, I don't think that and your bleeding willy is the same kind of thing.
37:28I feel something moving there.
37:30Oh.
37:32Oh, my God.
37:32My own penis has crawled up to my lungs.
37:35Why are you like...
37:37Because people think they can do whatever they want with their bodies
37:41and they're probably right, they can.
37:43Oh, my God.
37:44Oh, he's doing it in the tip.
37:45Oh, my God.
37:47Ouch.
37:50Ouch.
37:51Jesus, man.
37:52Fucking hell.
37:53That's surely not worth it.
37:54That helps him to say.
37:55Oh, shit.
37:58He's regretting his choices now.
38:00This better be the size of a fucking baguette by the time he's done.
38:03You okay?
38:04Are you okay?
38:05You just put a full syringe up me or eat, really.
38:09Here is the result.
38:11What do you think?
38:12Oh, my God.
38:13It's good.
38:13It's much better now.
38:14It's just good.
38:14Like, is it done?
38:16It's the same.
38:16I can't tell the difference.
38:18It's actually smaller.
38:19It's amazing.
38:20Yeah, of course, yeah.
38:22It looks smaller in the after.
38:23It's like a limp prawn.
38:25How much did you pay for the treatment?
38:27It's 1,600.
38:29What?
38:291,600 euros, and it's going home with a little plaster on it.
38:34Asher, God love it.
38:35A little sling.
38:36Yeah.
38:36Asher, did you want a crutch as well, love?
38:39Later, we watched Olivia have a phone call with the secretive man named Chris.
38:44When did you first become aware that your penis was, like, smaller than average?
38:49About years ago.
38:51About 17, 18.
38:53Do you know what?
38:53Men are slag for it so much, though.
38:55Slag for it.
38:56They can't help it, like.
38:57What is the size, if you don't mind me asking?
38:59What?
39:00It's around about two inches.
39:03Oh.
39:03Okay.
39:04Well, then, look.
39:04Oh.
39:05It'll even be.
39:06Oh.
39:07What's two inches like that?
39:09No.
39:10What's two inches?
39:11Like that.
39:12Is that two inches?
39:13Is that two inches?
39:15Hi, guys.
39:16Hello.
39:17How are you?
39:18Blur his face, but let his engorged penis fly.
39:23Ah.
39:24He's shuffling it.
39:26Ah.
39:26Ah, Chris.
39:29It looks like Swanson's nose from the side profile.
39:32It fucking does.
39:32Doesn't it?
39:33Yeah.
39:33He must be in a really bad place if he's going to go through all this.
39:37Well, fair play to him to go and get the surgery.
39:39Yeah?
39:39The surgeon burns through the layers of skin in order to access the suspense.
39:43The surgery ligament, which attaches the penis to the pubic bone.
39:46But I thought a penis didn't have a bone.
39:48It's called a boulder.
39:49He then inserts his finger to manually detach the ligament.
39:52Yeah, Jesus.
39:53My son.
39:54Is he awake for this?
39:56Yeah.
39:56If he's...
39:57Oh!
39:57The earlier fat taken from the pubic area is gradually injected back into the penis in order
40:03to increase the girth.
40:05Oh, it could never be a surgeon, I swear to God.
40:07And I can give you the mirror, just so that you can have a look.
40:10Best thoughts?
40:13It looks bigger.
40:14Yeah?
40:15Yeah.
40:15It's arguably worse looking.
40:18After it's poor surgery.
40:19Once the swelling goes down, you'll be able to see it.
40:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:22Oh, I'm happy.
40:23Yeah.
40:23It's actually a fair lot bigger now, to be fair.
40:25No, look, if it makes his life better, who cares?
40:29That penis is burned into my eyelids.
40:32We light a lamp for him, will we?
40:34Jesus.
40:35Is there a saint for that?
40:39Saint Richard!
40:40In Dunleary.
40:47What were you saying to me about your draining board?
40:49John is shopping for his new house.
40:52I just wanted someone to pick a draining board.
40:54So, like, something that you just put your dishes in, there's not that much variation of them.
41:00There's not.
41:00I've seen ones for €14, ones for €75.
41:03But they probably look the same.
41:04I just need you to help me buy a draining board.
41:06Why don't we just get a little narrow dishwasher?
41:08What?
41:09You can get the little narrow ones.
41:10I am not that expensive.
41:11Why is no...
41:12But I need a draining board for the dishes at the moment.
41:15Where do you drain your dishes?
41:17Am I using the right word?
41:18No, where do you...
41:19But, like, do you have your sink?
41:21Yeah, there's a...
41:21Is there, like, a draining board attached to it?
41:23But are we using the same word?
41:25There's the...
41:26So, you have your sink, and then the metal part...
41:29The metal part.
41:29...is the draining board.
41:31Yes.
41:31Yeah.
41:31Yeah.
41:31So, you want an additional draining board.
41:33No, I want the thing that you sit on the draining board.
41:36You just put the dishes on the draining board.
41:38Oh, my God.
41:39I want the rack that you stack dishes in on the draining board so they dry.
41:47I didn't know that was a thing.
41:48This week, a new Netflix doc brought us a story of small-town cyberbullying.
41:55Do you know what a catfish is now?
42:02Catfish?
42:03Yeah.
42:03Oh, yeah, that's shite, yeah.
42:05There was a girl in my class that threw a Halloween party every year, and all of our classmates would go.
42:10When the high-to-COVID and the Americans are having a party, sounds about right.
42:13We were about a year into our relationship, me and Lauren, and she was not invited, but, like, I, like, basically invited her.
42:21Like, if I'm going, you're going to come with me.
42:23They shouldn't even be boyfriend and girlfriend.
42:25They're too young.
42:25I don't know what that fucking weird is.
42:27How many kids?
42:27They liked a lot of the same stuff, you know, a lot of the sports.
42:31They went trick-or-treating together.
42:33About two weeks before the Halloween party, we got a text from an unknown number in a group chat.
42:41Hi, Lauren.
42:42Ellen is breaking up with you.
42:44Hmm.
42:45He no longer likes you and hasn't liked you for a while.
42:49Who's this bitch?
42:50Unknown number.
42:51We don't know.
42:52Not sure what he told you, but he is coming to the Halloween party, and we are both down to fuck.
42:58DTF, they're only 13.
43:00What?
43:01The unknown sender called me by my nickname, Lo.
43:05So it really made me think it had to be someone who had been around me or one of my close friends before.
43:11Well, definitely a girl.
43:12100%.
43:13My mom was like, just ignore them.
43:15I told her just to keep being her and just not even worry about anything, right?
43:21I didn't believe anybody would do anything harmful.
43:23I have no idea how parents in 2025 navigate technology and children and school.
43:31Like, how?
43:32And then it started to get worse and worse.
43:38Owen and I down to suck finger fuck.
43:41Jesus.
43:42What?
43:43The fuck does that mean?
43:45Do you need me to explain?
43:47His dick and fingers, my pussy and mouth.
43:50Nice.
43:50What the fuck?
43:52Not the most literate individual.
43:54Yeah, it was like, who talks like a fucking idiot in school?
43:57All they want us to do was break up.
43:59But then when we broke up, it seemed like the messages got worse.
44:06I would have never told my parents any of this.
44:09I'd just get the phone and just throw it in the bin.
44:11That's what I would honestly do.
44:13I wouldn't be arsed.
44:14Probably start getting pigeons at the door.
44:17As things continued to escalate, we heard that the FBI got involved.
44:22Sheriff Mike Mayne requested some assistance in a case he was investigating.
44:27I found one phone number that kept coming up, being connected to that IP address at the
44:31time these messages were sent.
44:34Look, look.
44:37Oh, they're getting a hiss.
44:38They're getting a hiss.
44:39Who was it?
44:40And the phone number was...
44:45Lauren's mom, Kendra.
44:50What the fuck?
44:52The mother!
44:58You guys are going to think I'm the crazy lady.
45:01You are 100% certifiable, my friend.
45:05I was somebody different in those moments.
45:08I was in an awful place mentally.
45:11I don't even know who I was.
45:13Oh, I want to slap her so bad.
45:16After her mother's stint in prison, Lauren gave us an update on the pair's relationship.
45:22I'm not allowed to see my mom now that she's out of prison.
45:26I want to see my mom when the time is right.
45:29You'll never ever trust anyone in your life if you can't trust your mother.
45:32It's been about a year and a half since I've seen her.
45:36We both know that we're with each other no matter what.
45:43God almighty, what a bitch.
45:45I just want her to get the help that she needs.
45:48Rebuilding our relationship will help both of us a lot.
45:51I love her more than anything.
45:56That is frightening.
45:57Yeah, at least when you send me abusive text, Mom, your number is turned on.
46:03That's not abuse.
46:04That's fucking parenting.
46:06That's what I'm saying.
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