- 2 days ago
Brian Wilde takes over as the new Boss from this Series.Brian would be a better fit in a comedy than John Woodvine I think.Anyway in Series 2 opener he has to be away for a Morning.Leave Cheese and Egg in charge,who proceeds to be the type of Boss everyone hates.Decent and funny Edition.
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00:00The dustbin men.
00:01The dustbin men, P619 stroke 7, edited.
00:09Fifteen seconds.
00:37The dustbin men.
00:38Hey, Mum!
00:38Rot!
00:39The dustbin men!
01:00Malcolm.
01:01Number four, gang.
01:02Morning.
01:04Margaret's number five, gang.
01:05No relation.
01:06Morning.
01:12You're new, aren't you?
01:14Brand new and untouched by human hand, laddie.
01:17Name?
01:17Clewellyn, number three, gang.
01:19Morning.
01:20Eric Clewellyn.
01:22I have a middle name as well.
01:24Oh, really?
01:24A Welsh one.
01:25Oh, that's very nice.
01:26It means, at the end of the valley by the streams, a little cottage with a yellow thatched roof on
01:30that keeps falling in, so mind your head.
01:32I can't remember.
01:33I tell it you in Welsh.
01:34But if I get one little word wrong, it means, excuse me, constable, your flies are undone.
01:41Oh, Moses.
01:42Oh, heavy breathing.
01:44He's in number three gang as well.
01:49This is the weekend, heavy breathing.
01:53Weekend?
01:55One?
01:56One?
01:56Is that all it was?
01:59Oh, well.
02:00May I see you again next weekend?
02:03Now, what have we to learn to be in life, darling?
02:06Grateful.
02:07And what not to be?
02:09Greedy.
02:09And how often is it your turn?
02:12Every third weekend, except when it falls in Christmas week, so you can take your wife to see Ken Dodd.
02:18Right.
02:19Go on, go on.
02:24You the new inspector?
02:26Who?
02:27Well, your mouth's open.
02:36Morning.
02:37Morning.
02:38Who are you?
02:38Who the hell are you?
02:39I asked first.
02:41C.E.
02:41Petty, cheese and egg.
02:42The leader of number three gang.
02:44And the Bell Peace Prize winner, 1968.
02:47As will you kindly make entrance into the office a moment?
02:54We can't be in lumber already.
02:56We haven't had time to terrorise him yet.
02:57Perhaps our record gets passed on from inspector to inspector and to the thousandth generation thereof.
03:03Quentin up, brethren.
03:05That'll soose to show Bloody Delilah who's boss.
03:08He's not Bloody Delilah.
03:10The last one was Bloody Delilah.
03:12Now recuperating at the Southport Convalescent Home.
03:15For gentle women.
03:18He's an inspector, isn't he?
03:20They're all Bloody Delilas as far as I'm concerned.
03:30Were you gonna say something?
03:31No.
03:32You bloody were.
03:33I wasn't and don't swear.
03:35What were you gonna say?
03:36The cloth pickings.
03:36Well, don't.
03:37I wasn't going to.
03:38Now before you say so much to a Chinese dicky bird friend, the facts of life.
03:41One.
03:42I've emptied more dustbins than you've had out flushes.
03:45Two.
03:45It's against my religion to put the welfare of any inspector before the welfare of my lads.
03:51One for all.
03:52All for one.
03:53Me and the lads.
03:55Friends, colleagues, brothers.
03:57Me and the lads.
03:59Yes, well, tomorrow morning I have to attend a meeting.
04:02Or in the modern idiom, and perhaps more appropriately, a muck-in.
04:09Yes, well, it's in the borough surveyor's office.
04:11I wonder if you would mind acting as deputy inspector in my unfortunate absence.
04:15You what?
04:16I'm sorry to inconvenience you thus in my first week.
04:19But would you mind taking charge of the office tomorrow morning?
04:22Me?
04:23Well, you are the senior refuse collector.
04:26Well, it's just for one morning.
04:28It's deserting the lads, though.
04:30Oh, but only for five or six hours.
04:32It's like asking Michael Foote to take the Queen's corgis for a walk.
04:36Yes, well, in that case, of course, I'd better find somebody else to...
04:39No, no, no, no, no, no.
04:40I've been called.
04:41I know my duty.
04:43To you.
04:44To the depot.
04:44To the muck-disposing public of this fair city.
04:47But the statements you were just stating, as stated...
04:51I suppose it had to come.
04:53The mantle of responsibility.
04:55The burden of office.
04:56The challenge of leadership.
04:58It's 1940 all over again.
05:02No, it's not.
05:03It's 1970 for the first time.
05:05I'll do it.
05:06Cheese and egg!
05:07You wouldn't!
05:07Fret not, brothers.
05:08We're bound to.
05:10You'll be one of them.
05:11Not inside, Eric.
05:13Things will be just the same between us.
05:14I won't change.
05:16I wouldn't.
05:18I couldn't.
05:20He bloody has.
05:23I'll give you an egg.
05:24Have you clocked on yet?
05:26But I haven't got to the window yet.
05:28Well, get a piggy motorbike.
05:31Twist.
05:32Stick.
05:34Play 21.
05:35Buy me.
05:37Duh.
05:38What's this, then?
05:39Free and easy night at the Baghdad Doss House for retired Nancy boys.
05:42Where's the funeral?
05:43Here, if you don't get your backsides airborne.
05:47Has he started a formation dancing thing?
05:49He might have had bad news.
05:50A United supporter once went funny after City won the cup.
05:53He sat on top of Queen Victoria's statue in his underpants eating embossed wallpaper.
05:57Right.
05:58Name.
05:59Eh?
06:00Name.
06:03You know his bloody name!
06:05Depot regulations paragraph 12 when clocky on state name and gang number.
06:09Name.
06:10Shirley Bassey.
06:11Gang number.
06:13And that'll do for me clocking up and all.
06:15I'll see ya.
06:15Where are you sloping off to?
06:16London.
06:17West Ham v City.
06:18Evening kick-off.
06:19Up the blues!
06:20What about dustbins?
06:21Up down my nose.
06:23I'm going to Kentles Beddy department for the day.
06:25Have a good kip.
06:26They've no sales ladies here.
06:28Well, be safe.
06:28I'm going to the TV department with me man to look at test cards.
06:32In colour.
06:33Sir.
06:34Pardon?
06:35All inspectors are addressed as Sir.
06:38Oh.
06:39What if he doesn't?
06:40Yeah.
06:40What if he doesn't?
06:41He's fired.
06:43Ignore him.
06:44He couldn't fire a pig in pop gun.
06:47Winston?
06:49Yes, madam?
06:50You're fired.
06:51And there's your P-45 to prove it.
07:05All over the bin itself then.
07:08Pardon?
07:09Just emptying the lid light.
07:11Oh.
07:13Oh.
07:14Oh.
07:16Oh.
07:18My heart just isn't in it.
07:20No.
07:23Even though it is peaceful without Winston burbling about city.
07:27A cheese and egg used to call me Eric, my flower in the old days.
07:32Our old mate turning into a bloody Delilah.
07:36My best friend.
07:38The best friend I ever had.
07:40Next to Elwyn.
07:42Who the hell's Elwyn?
07:44Elwyn Toshak.
07:45Oh.
07:47Who the hell's Elwyn Toshak?
07:49My best friend at school.
07:51No.
07:51He could wee right over the top of the bicycle.
07:53Oh.
07:53He could be.
07:59Oh well.
08:01Get grafting, I suppose.
08:03Oh.
08:05Oh well.
08:06I wish I'd stopped in bed the weekend.
08:09I thought he did.
08:11That's not what I meant.
08:14What are you doing here?
08:16Diving for oysters, you great butter.
08:18We always do this street Tuesday mornings.
08:20Cheese and eggs reorganise the rounds.
08:22You're now supposed to be on the Faistree, Oak Street and Charity Locality.
08:31Good old cheese and egg.
08:32We've just done this gang's work.
08:34Oh, heck.
08:35We've got twice as much to do now, and only the two of us to do it.
08:38Oh, heck.
08:39And in half the time.
08:41And if you say, oh, heck again, I'll set fire to your leg.
08:44Oh.
08:47Your tea is pig-in-served, sir.
08:49I suppose I can treat myself to a two-minute tea break.
08:54Two?
08:55It'll go with that three-hour one you just had, Peggy Mussolini.
08:58Did you say something with that toothless gob?
09:01I was singing.
09:02Selections from her as sung by John Hanson.
09:07By hell it's all go.
09:09Making top-level policy decisions.
09:12Organising.
09:13Grasping the broad view of muck and its full municipal context.
09:22Oh, Mrs. 23-Villatter Street.
09:24Yes?
09:24Oh, we've just had a message from our depot, for want of a better word,
09:27inspector, to deliver you a new bin.
09:29Oh, no.
09:30I'll finish up under Dr. Gilmore again.
09:33Didn't you ring up for a new bin?
09:35Yes.
09:35Oh, and I've regretted it.
09:37I've roared that phone call.
09:39Eh?
09:40Put it with the others.
09:52I think our depot, for want of a better word,
09:55inspector, has made a slight mistake.
09:57It's stopping the sunlight from getting into my kitchen.
10:00My granddad's sat in there thinking what's been declared.
10:16Your lunch hour lasts for 30 minutes.
10:2030 minutes means 30 minutes, so watch it.
10:24See, patty, cheat.
10:26I've warned you once.
10:29Sorry.
10:32I'm not hungry.
10:33I'm not.
10:36I caught cheese and eggs stood in front of a mirror, giving a speech.
10:41Who the L2?
10:42Security council at United Nations.
10:45And when he'd finished, he started clapping.
10:49He sent number four and number five gang, both to Bordesier Terrace at the same time.
10:55They crashed head on, outside the co-op funeral parlour.
11:00And he really used to look after me in the old days.
11:05He showed me how to strike a match on my bum.
11:09And how to drink a pint in one go, and then how to be sick.
11:13He took me to New Brighton when August bank holiday.
11:16And lent me as Billy's weekly liar to put on my head when it rained.
11:21He used to call me Eric, me flower, and be my friend.
11:27Now I hate him.
11:29Worse than me, ma'am.
11:31All right, don't stand up.
11:33And not in your leisure time.
11:34There's no need to show respect for your superiors in your leisure time.
11:38Your leisure time is your own.
11:40Enjoy it.
11:46Right, back on the wagons.
11:47Another day to break tomorrow.
11:58It's a bad cough, that cheese and egg.
12:00You ought to take something for it.
12:02I believe potassium cyanide's very good.
12:10Back on that chariot, sweetheart.
12:13We've only just got in, thanks to you.
12:15True.
12:16Bloody true.
12:16I'll make a note of it.
12:18And if it happens again, I'll dock your wages for skiving.
12:23Move!
12:24And that is the situation as I, uh, as I, uh...
12:28See it.
12:29See it.
12:30Cousins.
12:31Again.
12:32Brothers.
12:33Sir.
12:33In that case, I'll...
12:35I'll...
12:36Convey your decision to the management.
12:38Convey your decision to the management.
12:40Move!
12:50Why didn't you give the speech yourself?
12:52Is to tell him Brother Eric what to say.
12:55Cos if there's victimisation afterwards, Brother Eric will be fired instead of me.
12:59Good thinking, Brother.
13:05Why aren't you men on your pigging wagons?
13:08Cos when I'm pigging straight.
13:11What?
13:12No need to swear.
13:14Sorry.
13:15You can always appeal to us as reasonable men to make a gesture.
13:19I appeal to you as reasonable men to make a gesture.
13:26So.
13:28No.
13:50It does have been men, P619, stroke 7, part 2, take 1.
14:25Pleasure.
14:28What are they?
14:30Fino Barbito.
14:32It's not true what they say.
14:33About Dixie?
14:35About this depot being a clearinghouse for contraband from Istanbul.
14:39Have another.
14:41Whence, then, did they come?
14:43The last inspector bought them in bulk.
14:45He was on 94 a day at the finish.
14:47I don't know why.
14:49Oh, jeez, and hate.
14:50This entire episode passeth understanding.
14:53I leave a thriving depot for six hours and I return to a ghost town
14:57where even the poltergeists are on strike.
14:59How was your mocking?
15:01I'm not as mucky as yours, evidently.
15:04I hope you didn't upset them.
15:06You're one of them again now.
15:08Yes, that's true, isn't it?
15:11Yes.
15:12Yes.
15:14Well, all right, then.
15:15Come on.
15:15How did it happen?
15:16Oh, without wishing to contravene cleansing depot practice.
15:19Do you mind if I tell you the truth?
15:20It might help to get me off the Fino Barbitone.
15:25I think you upset them.
15:28But I was miles away.
15:29I was dunking digestive biscuits in soapy coffee with a butter surveyor.
15:33You and what you stand for.
15:36All inspectors.
15:37Now, if you were to let them off early on Fridays with an extra ten bob for the lead of
15:41the gang...
15:41Jesus, get them back on the bins.
15:45Tell them I'll convey their demands to the chairman of the cleansing committee as soon as he's back from Honolulu.
15:53Oh, good.
15:54Oh, good.
15:54Which pub are they in?
15:56They're not.
15:58Pardon?
15:59Not then.
16:00Oh, but they must be.
16:02I mean, I think it's laid down by the TUC.
16:04All men on strike go and sit in pubs.
16:06Not dustbin men.
16:08What's the record for this old, then?
16:11Why'd you do it in last Sunday?
16:12I'm really close.
16:14Right.
16:16Here you go.
16:17Pralinecus rides again.
16:21Oh, lads.
16:23Lads, it's me.
16:25Your mocha.
16:26Good old cheese and egg.
16:29Who's winning?
16:35Who's winning?
16:39Playing golf, are you?
16:41You two ate me flour.
16:43Excuse me.
16:44Dustmen are not allowed in this club.
16:46What the hell are you?
16:48Unemployed.
16:48With our names down at the Labour Exchange for vacancies in the Bank of England.
16:53So fuck off.
16:54Fuck off.
17:02I thought I heard human footsteps.
17:05You're not a mirage, are you?
17:06Why?
17:07What have you got against them?
17:08What's your name?
17:09Matt Busby.
17:10What's the charge?
17:11Oh, the one conscientious man in the depot.
17:14The one loyal, selfless bastion of public service.
17:18The one loyal, selfless what of public service?
17:20Bastion.
17:21If a Crystal Palace supporter called me that,
17:23he might very well end up as the most interesting case in medical history.
17:27Look, mind lumbering or what?
17:29In a state of grace.
17:31The one man who returned to work.
17:33Oh?
17:34Look, would you believe me if I said the reason I'm here is I got chucked off the train at
17:37rugby
17:38for carving Colin Balford King on the Buffy Bar counter.
17:41And I've come back to stuff this rack.
17:43Look, cheesnakes big and omelies.
17:45Oh, I like a good laugh.
17:47You don't believe me, do you?
17:48I'm like a man with a sense of humour.
17:50So do I.
17:51So I've come to work here in the first big in place.
18:03Shall we get back to work now, lads?
18:05Eh?
18:06Two hundred and one.
18:08There's another walking stick.
18:09Well, you've tried all the clubs, why don't you try the bags?
18:14Lads.
18:16Well, the workers.
18:18Friends and colleagues.
18:22I don't mean to put a club right on record, but for you.
18:25Two hundred and two.
18:28I'll let you off early on Fridays.
18:31I'll let you keep your share of the tips.
18:35I'll start buying the occasional round when we go out for a pint.
18:40I'll shoot meself if you like.
18:43Done.
18:48We'll raise the scarlet, burn the high.
18:52Beneath the shade we'll live or die.
18:55Let go and switch and trade to scare.
18:59We'll keep the red flag flying here.
19:03By hell, it's good being together again, lads, isn't it?
19:07Isn't it, Eric, my flower?
19:10Good without Winston, isn't it?
19:11No, watching all about football and City and Cullinbell.
19:15I can hear the birds singing for the first time.
19:20Speak to me.
19:21No, you've been sent to Nottingham.
19:24My girl.
19:26It's all.
19:39It's only human nature what I did.
19:43Take you lot, for instance.
19:46You terrorise cats.
19:48Cats terrorise mice.
19:52Mice terrorise women.
19:56Women don't terrorise nothing, though.
20:00Yes, they do.
20:02Bloody men.
20:04Everyone tries to come in over someone else, giving up a chance.
20:08It's dog eating dog, isn't it?
20:13And you should know.
20:15If you were made into a pedigree Dalmatian bloodhound,
20:19just for one morning, you'd be the same.
20:23It's human bloody nature.
20:31Well, will you?
20:32Certainly dream about if that's what you want.
20:36Anything.
20:37All right.
20:38You're melting the leather.
20:50Excuse me.
20:51These gentlemen want to know if you've emptied number 17's bin.
20:54Not yet.
20:56He says not yet.
20:58Well, tell him he is supposed to be doing this, side.
21:00It is his lousy functioning life.
21:01He says you are supposed to be doing that, side.
21:04It is your lousy functioning life.
21:05Tell him I've got things on me mind.
21:08He says he's got things on his mind.
21:11Tell him he'll have something else on his mind in a minute.
21:13Like a damn great dustbin to get your finger out.
21:17How was that?
21:19Perfect.
21:21Bloody Delilah Snoopin.
21:24They do six months with the Russian secret police, you know.
21:28He says it's bloody Delilah Snoopin.
21:31They do six months...
21:31Oh, bog off, interfering old bag.
21:35I'm sure you've got what you were after.
21:39Lads.
21:41We mustn't fall out amongst ourselves.
21:44For the muckies shall inherit the earth.
21:48They're our natural enemies.
21:52We're...
21:52We're brothers.
21:58True.
22:01Very true.
22:03I am sorry I was cheeky, cheese and egg.
22:05I'm sorry I gave you a cause, Eric, me flower.
22:08Don't start kissing each other.
22:10It's like Winston's poncy team when they fluke a goal.
22:13We'll never hear anything about City again.
22:15It's a beautiful thought, Eric.
22:17You could say it to music.
22:18I might miss Winston.
22:20But not his team.
22:30I'm just seeing how your labours are progressing.
22:32Oh, fret not, sir.
22:33I'll soon get them mobile.
22:35They haven't our sense of responsibility.
22:37No, cheers and egg.
22:38Sir?
22:38Yesterday when you took charge of the office,
22:40a whole treasure chest of interesting things happened.
22:43Including two wagons trying to climb up each other
22:45in Boedicea Street.
22:46One housewife receiving 64 new bins
22:48and 63 housewives none.
22:50And one wagon finishing up on the Fleetwood Ferry
22:52to the Isle of Man and a general strike.
22:55Now, the only thing that your refuse collectors didn't do
22:57was collect refuse.
22:58I shall therefore be out all tomorrow morning
23:00getting things back to normal.
23:02Nice move.
23:02I like the thinking behind it.
23:04Therefore, I shall need an acting deputy in the office.
23:07Naturally, sir.
23:08This is my opinion.
23:09There's only one man for the job.
23:10Naturally, sir.
23:11If you could see your way to fill in that cigarette box
23:13on the desk, I'd...
23:14Not you.
23:15Not me.
23:16The only conscientious man in the depot.
23:19Do I know the gentleman?
23:22Matt Busby.
23:25Well, not the actual...
23:26Actual inspector, madam.
23:28More of your acting pigging deputy inspector.
23:33No, madam.
23:34I don't imagine number three gang has emptied your dustbin.
23:38I happen to have sent them on a special job
23:41for a couple of hours.
23:42Something I've wanted to do for years.
23:46Because the pigging will deserve it, the lousy pigs.
23:49Yes, it is lovely.
23:52With no Winston burbling about city.
24:00Sat sitting, watching an empty, bloody pitch.
24:05I'd sooner even be working.
24:08Winston said it was revenge for the good of our souls
24:11and to show us who's boss.
24:14So get cheerin'.
24:17Of the pigging blue.
24:44Of the pigging blue.