- 23 hours ago
Cheese and Egg takes early retirement in this Episode.He goes on Holiday to Blackpool,but misses the Lads.And they miss him on the Job,though none of them can admit it to themselves.Another one with a bit of pathos to it.
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00:04The dustbin main piece, 619, stroke 4, part 1, take 1.
00:36Hey, Mum!
00:37What?
00:38The dustbin main!
01:05Go on, clog me to death, you great buttock!
01:08You know I have a delicate skin, I bruise very easy.
01:10Sorry!
01:11Cheese and egg?
01:14I called you a great buttock.
01:16True.
01:17And you didn't seize me by the throat.
01:19Also true.
01:20And you said you were sorry.
01:22Sorry.
01:33Go on, mark of bloody Fontaine, I hear you, great clodopinch stumer.
01:38Excuse me.
01:39Excuse me.
01:42Did he say, excuse me?
01:45Has he been soaking his dentures in marijuana again?
01:47He's saying you're sorry to me.
01:50Never.
01:50Twice.
01:51He doesn't know the pronunciation.
01:55I've just had a frightening experience.
02:02You just met cheese and egg?
02:04Yeah.
02:05And he didn't smash your face, eh?
02:06No.
02:07He just sort of, er, smiled.
02:09Sort of bitter-like.
02:10Like he were in love with me but knew I was promised to another.
02:13It's like Colin Bell suddenly taking up hopscotch.
02:24Perhaps there's been a death in the family.
02:26His wife's got a budgie.
02:28It might have passed away.
02:29I passed away last Christmas from alcoholic poisoning.
02:31He got it tanked up during the Queen's speech.
02:35499,998.
02:37Aye, aye.
02:38Sir.
02:41499,999.
02:43Because yours.
02:47500,000.
02:48That's it.
02:49Finished.
02:50Half a million.
02:51Pardon?
02:52Bins.
02:53Pardon?
02:53And then?
02:54I've emptied.
02:55It's taken 14 years, 13 weeks, 2 days and 20 minutes each day.
02:59Week in and week out.
03:01Half a minute.
03:02And what is half a million, my little sisters?
03:04Enough.
03:05And what is enough?
03:06Hey, bloody enough!
03:27Hey, missus!
03:29There's three lads out here want to know, can they have their bin back?
03:32South of the border, down Mexico way.
03:37Aren't they pathetic?
03:39Like bloody big girls.
03:54Can I keep the chain?
03:56I have three guesses.
04:02Well, it's a lot, lads.
04:03I won't say I'll miss you, cos I won't.
04:06Hey, how are you coming out on the next load then?
04:09Doing what?
04:09Empty in dustbins.
04:11Empty in?
04:12Pig in dustbins.
04:14Pig in?
04:15Well, where are you going then?
04:18To the end of the rainbow.
04:19To the land where the bong tree grows.
04:22Who knows?
04:24I don't.
04:26I do!
04:28Back emptying dustbins according to his birthright.
04:31No chance.
04:32He's dropped out.
04:33Doing his own thing.
04:35In his case, standing behind a tip, seeing if he can spit in a dustbin from 25 paces.
04:39He's a child.
04:41He's a piggin' genius at this job, his cheese and egg.
04:44A silly, obstinate child.
04:47And how, for example, do you make a silly, obstinate child wash his face if he doesn't want to?
04:55Smash it in!
04:58Tell him you don't want him to.
05:03Clever.
05:06You've taken exams, haven't you?
05:11Oh, very good.
05:14Nice.
05:15I like it.
05:15I like it.
05:16I missed.
05:18Very nice bit of spitting, nevertheless.
05:20It's not the winning.
05:21It's the taking part.
05:22No.
05:23Pardon?
05:25No more bins.
05:26The 500,000s were the last.
05:28Finished.
05:29Final.
05:29Caput.
05:30Angliceri sold that.
05:31Tre bon.
05:32Good.
05:35Good.
05:37Well, any human person emptying refuse for 15 years.
05:4014 years, 13 weeks, 2 days and 20 minutes.
05:44Exactly.
05:45We're not a day off for sickness.
05:47Once.
05:481958.
05:49When Princess Margaret visited the depot.
05:52I stayed in bed as a mark of respect.
05:53Well, it's only to be expected.
05:55What is?
05:56Why, that you'd be over the hill.
05:59Or the tip, as we say in the trade.
06:01I mean, slowing down.
06:03Not keeping up with all the latest technological advances.
06:06Go and dangle your feet over your desk, darling.
06:10It won't work.
06:1114 and a quarter years.
06:14If I'd have been a brain surgeon,
06:16I could have done half a million heart transplants in that time.
06:19I'm not sure brain surgeons actually do heart transplants.
06:22I'd like you to accept a week's notice.
06:26You're not really hanging up your protective clothing.
06:28Forever.
06:29No more bins.
06:31None?
06:33None.
06:33Then what prayer are you going to be doing while you're working out your week's notice?
06:39Take in the week's holiday.
06:41That's owing to me.
07:06Oh, my God.
07:10Off then.
07:11Off.
07:12You'll send us a postcard, won't you?
07:14Grow up.
07:15Sorry.
07:16I'm what they call a holidaying on the continent next year.
07:19If cities in the European Cup, like.
07:23I thought of going to the Isle of Levant.
07:25They've got no pants on there most of the time.
07:27Well, don't.
07:28You could do me a change.
07:29Where are you going, cheese and egg?
07:31To where the rainbow ends and the land where the bong tree grows.
07:35Blackbell!
07:36Stop!
07:37Stop!
07:38Stop!
07:41Well, shall we get emptied then?
07:48I might go and watch city training.
07:52Watch Malcolm Allison smack the back of the legs for swearing.
07:57I might go see the sound of the music and have a kip.
08:00I'm ashamed of you two.
08:02Just because we've got no leader.
08:04We'll have a new leader tomorrow.
08:06Who though?
08:08Exactly.
08:09Exactly.
08:10Precisely.
08:11Number three gang!
08:16Does John Anson know about him?
08:20Oh.
08:22Well, stay there.
08:23I want you to meet the man who's going to be the leader of your gang for the next week.
08:29Whoever it is, sir, we show him who's boss right away.
08:32Okay?
08:33Start as we mean to go on.
08:36Scare him bloody rigid.
08:37Okay?
08:38Richard, I'm out.
08:39Again.
08:40Roger, I'm out.
08:41Sir.
08:50No.
08:52No.
08:56You wouldn't.
08:57Am I, er, er, correct?
08:59Like, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er?
09:02Right.
09:03Off we go on the first load, then.
09:05Trafalgar Street and Environ.
09:07Now, I usually do it in 60 minutes.
09:08Let's see if we can do it in around 43.
09:11Move!
09:11Come on.
09:19Come on.
09:21Come on.
09:23Come on.
09:24For one glorious week.
09:26No more phone calls.
09:27No more reports to the town clerk.
09:29Back to life in the raw, where men are men.
09:33Trevelyan, welcome back.
09:37Cheese and pig and egg.
09:38I'll send him a pig in postcard saying wish you was here.
09:42Because we're missing him.
09:43Because I want a pig in paralyze him.
09:46Right, gang.
09:48Waggum's hole.
09:5420 to 8 in the morning.
09:57Cheese and egg will just be turning over.
10:16Hey!
10:18What?
10:20What's that for?
10:23Absurd friends.
10:24Have another.
10:29Agh!
10:30Abós!
10:34Agh!
10:35You lég .
10:35J Ä‘
10:35To me.
10:46You ag'aUnÃssimil.
10:53Y
10:54Yes!
10:58My way,
11:29The Dustbin Men, P619-4, Part 2.
12:01Well, put it a shoulder, laddie.
12:03The higher lift it, the easier it will be.
12:06I'd make it harder, actually.
12:07Only on account of it being a ton weight.
12:09Granted, who knows best, laddie?
12:11Well, it is me outlifting it.
12:12Put it another way.
12:14Who's been a depot inspector with diplomas to prove it
12:16longer than your mother's been watching Coronation Street?
12:18Well, it's still me outlifting it.
12:19Put it another way.
12:20Who's in the best position to judge?
12:22It's still me out...
12:22Put it another way.
12:23Do as you're told.
12:34Good.
12:36Right.
12:37Back into the breach.
12:39The, er...
12:39The entry.
12:41Oh.
12:43Hang on.
12:49Should you have lifted a tyre?
12:59It's sickening to watch.
13:02Shut your eyes, then.
13:03Heavy breathing.
13:04A normal man walking briskly but with dignity
13:07can get up that entry and back in one minute.
13:10It's taken you 17
13:11and you come back looking 10 years older than when you left.
13:14I wonder if there was any rhyme or reason for it.
13:17I often wonder the same.
13:23Is that how you lift a refuse receptacle?
13:26On the return trip, yeah.
13:30And is that lipstick on your nape?
13:37Where's my nape?
13:39Your nape.
13:40Luke, if you want a divorce, just say so.
13:44And what man do you have asked me for?
13:47Give him traffic signals, sort of.
13:57Just look at the state of you.
14:01The three of you.
14:02We're thinking tired, the three of us.
14:05You probably haven't felt it yourself, like,
14:08with the not actually moving any actual muscles or anything.
14:12Laddie, we're all tired.
14:15Some of us complain, but some of us soldier on.
14:18I was a lance corporal in the war.
14:20You didn't know that, did you?
14:21We had a feeling.
14:32We had a feeling.
14:39We had a feeling.
14:41No.
14:45We had a feeling.
14:56We had a feeling.
15:00Lolüsses.
15:01We had a feeling.
15:04Please.
15:05Wait till we go.
15:36Morning.
15:40The tide's coming in, I notice.
15:44On the sand's light.
15:50Keep Blackpool tidy.
15:55It's a bit early for fish and chips, I know.
15:58But I go up too late for breakfast.
16:03In the digs light.
16:07Keep you busy, are you?
16:12Where do you go for your holidays?
16:19Listen, Lulu.
16:20There's a lot of people in this town who have gone to a lot of trouble for you.
16:23They build bingo halls, dance halls and boozes.
16:26They're not open yet.
16:27A pleasure beach, a zoo, even a tower with a bloody flag on top.
16:31The sand, seas, candy floss.
16:34Noted for fresh air and fun.
16:36Famous for Three Piers, Two Red Monsters, Stanley Park, Stanley Matthews, Stanley Mortensen and Reginald Dixon.
16:43Driving himself bloody punch drunk on his organ.
16:47I'll get you a brochure if you like.
16:49But go and play somewhere else.
16:56It's just someone to talk to, like.
16:59You get a bit lonely, you know, on your tod.
17:02Until Yates is open.
17:05I'm just passing the time of day, like.
17:07Yeah, well it's quarter to eleven.
17:08So pass off.
17:14Any tourist?
17:16Don't get closed down.
17:29Are you imputing that I was asleep?
17:32Probably.
17:33And I don't even know what it means.
17:36No, I was just, er...
17:39I was just, er, thinking hard about how we can improve our efficiency.
17:43My grandma's representing Pakistan in next year's Eurovision Song Contest.
17:48Singing Lily the Pink.
17:50You what?
17:51Wearing a diver's helmet and boxing gloves.
17:53But what are you talking about?
17:55Skiving pig.
17:58I, er...
18:00I suppose, er...
18:01I suppose it wouldn't be time for tea break by any stretch of the, er...
18:04Oh, not that I want it to be mine, no.
18:06But heavens, no.
18:07Certainly not, er...
18:09Oh, er...
18:10Not for another three quarters of an hour yet.
18:13Or an hour.
18:13Or roughly three quarters.
18:15Or exactly an hour.
18:17Good.
18:18Right.
18:19Yes.
18:19Well, on we go then.
18:21On.
18:21On, on.
18:24He must have a more crucifying love life than me.
18:28LAUGHTER
18:37Look, er...
18:38Mate, there must be 10,000 golden opportunities on the Golden Mile.
18:42All wiggling about in the bikinis.
18:45There must be one you'd fancy more than me.
18:47Can I tell you something?
18:49Without causing offence...
18:50I wouldn't lay odds.
18:52You're doing it wrong.
18:53Doing what wrong?
18:54Good job.
19:01But, yeah, you...
19:03Do you know any other good jokes?
19:06Only I'm in the trade as well.
19:0814 years, 13 weeks, 2 days and 20 minutes, approximately.
19:12How many bins have you emptied?
19:14Well, you should know.
19:15You've been watching us all morning.
19:16In your entire career.
19:18Why? Who's counting?
19:19You seem to have mastered the practice nicely,
19:22but you're a bit, er...
19:23on theory.
19:25Oh, are we?
19:26I'll explain.
19:27Don't bother.
19:28You're giving yourself a lot of trouble.
19:30Er, correction.
19:32Pussycat.
19:35You're giving yourself a lot of trouble.
19:39Now, lads.
19:40Oh!
19:41Oh!
19:41Oh!
19:53Oh, what's up with her now?
19:55Perhaps she's got morning sickness.
19:58You always drive at 90 miles an hour with a handbrake on.
20:02Except when you're going round corners, when you drive at 90 miles an hour with it off.
20:05I've been driving ten years and never had a ticket.
20:08Or a licence.
20:11You men carry on as instructed.
20:14I'm afraid that I, er...
20:15Unfortunately, I have to get on with my office work.
20:17Er, alas.
20:18Er, as luck would have it, I'm sorry to say, er...
20:21Well, er...
20:23Much as I'd prefer to be with you, of course.
20:25All right, well, this afternoon, perhaps.
20:28I hope.
20:30Hope and pray.
20:32All right, now.
20:33Just carry on as best you can without me.
20:46Send him a telegram.
20:49He's only over there.
20:51Jesus, Ed.
20:53Come on, all is forgiven.
20:54He'd feed it to the pig and seagulls.
20:57We could go and get him.
20:58By bloody helicopter.
20:59In the wagon.
21:00We'll be on Central Prom in an hour.
21:02Yeah, he's given his notice in, though.
21:03We'll stop with Mr Bloody Delilah till we die.
21:06How do you make a child wash its face if it doesn't want to?
21:09Hang on.
21:10Tell him you don't want him to.
21:12Pass me another...
21:13Rub it in muck.
21:14It didn't work when Bloody Delilah tried it.
21:17Sweetheart, I'm a football fan.
21:19I fight muckier than most.
21:22Oh, man.
21:36Oh, my God.
22:06Oh, my God.
22:50I still don't think we should have left the Blackpool wagon in the middle of that turnip field.
22:54And I still don't understand what you lot were doing going to Blackpool.
22:58I told you.
22:58It was so gushy without you, we finished early.
23:01We were going on our trips every night.
23:03Southport, Morecambe, Bournemouth.
23:05It was belting without you.
23:06Belting.
23:07Bloody belting.
23:09How was your holiday, cheese and egg?
23:11I told you.
23:12Belting.
23:12Everything was.
23:13Weather, digs, beer.
23:14Black eyes.
23:15Yes, well, some bird's husband.
23:16I forget his name.
23:18Nice lad.
23:19If it was so belting, what are you doing back here, then?
23:21I have a responsibility to my public, you great buttock.
23:24And there's such a thing as January trade figures.
23:27And you lot can't have been doing your job properly if you were swanning off to Tenerife every bloody afternoon.
23:32But you didn't know that.
23:33I did.
23:33How?
23:34You just told me.
23:34Oh, yeah, well, I was after it.
23:38Oh.
23:39Belting, holiday.
23:43And you never thought about dustbins?
23:45Not once.
23:46Or us.
23:47Even less.
23:49And it was belting without me?
23:51Belting.
23:54So was my holiday.
23:55What?
23:55Belting.
23:56Oh.
23:58So was work without you.
24:00So was my holiday.
24:04At ease.
24:09I've checked with vehicle maintenance.
24:11They still say you used an extra 50 miles worth of petrol yesterday.
24:15Ignore them, sir.
24:15They don't understand these things.
24:17They haven't got your diplomas.
24:22Right.
24:2320 to 8.
24:24Wagons ho.
24:25Welcome back, Petty.
24:26I wish I'd stayed in Blackpool.
24:28We do.
24:29I do.
24:30Oh, how I envy you, lads.
24:33The open air.
24:34The good, honest toil.
24:36Still, one has to make sacrifices, I suppose.
24:41Somebody has to stay behind and get through all this lot.
24:50There's nothing bloody there.
24:53Move!
24:55Move!
24:55Move!
24:56Move!
24:57Move!
25:00Move!
25:04You agree!
25:05Butcher, you're not bruising, he's at.
25:07True.
25:08Have another one to match.
25:11I think he's in chance again.
25:13I know for certain when he covers me one.
25:19Just like bloody big girls.
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