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00:03Ask each to host a festive dinner party
00:07Then get them to score each other in secret
00:13On today's show
00:15I know I come across as a bit of a princess
00:17But actually really I'm not
00:19Debbie gets devilish
00:20You see the thing is
00:21I might be worse than all of you
00:24She said that there's a dark and mysterious side
00:26He's there
00:27And heirlooms go awol
00:31I dropped sleighted by the chuck and pan
00:33As they battle to win £1,000 for charity
00:38This is Celebrity Christmas Come Dine With Me
00:41Dick's head was very striking and mine wasn't
00:50It's Christmas
00:51The time of year that brings people together
00:54No matter what their background
00:57And looking to narrow the north-south divide is our next unlikely Christmas culinarian make-up vlogger and reality star
01:04Charlotte Dawson
01:06As I am a northern bird and I love northern grub I just thought I'd put a bit of a
01:13northern feast on for everyone
01:15Well let's hope you can improve on last night when Australian drag star and celebrity big brother winner Courtney Act
01:21served a vegan feast
01:23I lost a fingernail while doing the mash so if you find the fingernail in the mash you get a
01:27special surprise
01:28I think my guests were queries
01:30I think my guests were queriesome of my food
01:32Is definitely one way of putting it
01:34YouTube sensation Steve-o the madman however had a more physical reaction to the offerings
01:41Courtney's food overall
01:44It was painful for me
01:46What's going on Steve why you don't eat
01:47I don't eat salad in that man
01:52Children's TV presenters and bogeys
01:55Yellers Dick and Dom were more sympathetic to Courtney's efforts
01:58It's hard doing vegan food for meat eaters
02:01There were just certain experiments that didn't quite work out
02:05That'll be the pink mash then
02:06It was vegan so you know I was taking people outside their comfort zone
02:11And it wasn't just the food that was shifting zones of comfort
02:15I love burping
02:19Especially for legendary trick-foil Debbie McGee
02:23Last night was a cultural experience
02:26Not
02:29I've had a real argument with my missus
02:31She doesn't fart in front of me
02:33Too, too, too, too, too much information
02:36And despite all that Courtney didn't do too, too, too, too, too badly
02:40With a respectable 24 out of 40
02:48So how are our celebs feeling about the prospect of Charlotte in the kitchen?
02:53I can't imagine her having the finesse of Delia
02:57Well, who does?
02:59I think she is one of those people that kind of plays it down
03:04So that we are more thinking, oh, my God, Charlotte, you've done this
03:08I mean that in a very nice way
03:09Oh, well, she's not
03:12I can't cook
03:14Like, I don't even know how to turn the oven on
03:15And yet here you are in a cooking competition
03:18First course for Charlotte to experiment on is her main festive fish and chips with glittery gravy
03:23Yummy
03:25That's because you've called it festive
03:27Fish and chips is fish and chips, Char
03:30It's so hard to cook
03:31I think it's harder than cooking something that appears more complicated
03:35I think she has just gone to the local chippy
03:37Whether there's a good local chippy around the corner from her
03:40Then we might be all right
03:41Unfortunately not, Debra
03:46Charlotte's on her own with this one
03:49I've got no idea how to make battered fish
03:52I think I'm going to have to ring my mum
03:54How old are you?
03:59Hi, darling
04:00Hi, mum
04:01Mum, the main issue that I've got is I don't know how to make batter
04:07Oh, right
04:09125 grams of plain flour
04:11Mum, you know I'm not very good with numbers
04:14Whilst mum explains the complex science of making a quick batter
04:17Here's a few shots of the outside of the house
04:20It's nice, isn't it?
04:21Edwardian, I think
04:22Lovely, charming
04:24Six beans
04:25Mum, I love you so much
04:27Thank you for everything
04:28You can call me any time
04:29Bye
04:29Love you, bye
04:31Right
04:32That's the batter done
04:34Mum, having filled in the details
04:36Next, Charlotte checks the fish
04:37Ooh, smells delightful
04:39The fish better be good
04:41What fish would it be?
04:43I've never thought about that
04:44Would it be cod?
04:44Would it be haddock?
04:45There's only fish as I know, really
04:46Is shrimp a fish?
04:48No
04:49These fabulous haddock fishies
04:52Are going to be smothered in this belting batter
04:56Later on
04:57Ooh, aye, the lucky beggars
04:59For the vegan and vegetarian
05:01Charlotte is making a tofu substitute
05:04I've never ever seen tofu in my life, so
05:06Why doesn't that surprise me?
05:09Tofu can be very temperamental
05:11It's a tricky one to cook in a fish and chip style context
05:17For Charlotte, it's going to be tricky to cook full stop
05:20Ooh
05:20The tofu is sliced into slabs
05:23It's so smooth
05:25It's definitely not as smooth as my hairy legs in winter
05:28I'm not altogether sure what that means
05:30Let's get back to the cooking
05:31Charlotte soaks her 2x4 tofu in lemon juice
05:35And delicately coats in breadcrumbs
05:38Oh, that's dainty
05:39She'll fry along with the fish later
05:42Next up, the starter
05:43Merry mushy pea soup
05:45When has peas ever been merry?
05:48Peas, high in protein
05:49Good for a vegan
05:51But not for Charlotte
05:52So I'm going to crack on
05:55With peeling an onion
05:57I've never done that before
05:59Really?
06:00Well, you wouldn't know
06:02Charlotte, a knife might help
06:04So I don't use the peeler?
06:06Not in this instance
06:08She's taking the absolute pee
06:10Ooh, not your best work, Steve-o
06:13Having worked out what knives are for
06:15Charlotte sets to work on the onion
06:16I think I want to sneeze
06:18But I want to cry
06:19Oh, I know the feeling
06:22Onions chopped
06:23She fries them
06:24With garlic
06:25Potatoes
06:26And frozen peas
06:28Do I suit doing this?
06:30Do I suit it?
06:31Not really, no
06:33In goes the stock
06:34Then the tricky business
06:35Of the mushing
06:36But if you're angry
06:37Just mush peas
06:39Come on
06:40How hard is it to mush peas?
06:44Well, if you're Charlotte
06:45What's a kitchen for Dawson?
06:47Quite hard
06:49Stop that, please
06:52I haven't been able to eat mushy peas
06:54Since we used to do our show
06:55On Saturday morning TV
06:56Where we used to throw mushy peas
06:57You'd find them solidified
06:58In your ear two weeks later
07:00And the smell, the rancid smell
07:02Of mushy peas
07:02Will always haunt me
07:03Well, I think that's the least of your worries
07:05She'll heat that lot up later
07:09Dessert, please
07:10Crimbo crumble
07:13Well, this sounds good, doesn't it?
07:15I love a good crumble
07:16Ah, so the rumours are true
07:18I like a crimbo crumble
07:19Cinnamon-y type thing
07:21Cinnamon-y
07:22Cinnamon-y
07:24Cinnamon-y flavour
07:25Cinnamon-y
07:25I love that
07:26I'm an afters guy
07:27Will it be apple?
07:28Will there be raisins in it?
07:30I have never, ever peeled an apple
07:32Well, it can't go worse than the onion did
07:36Charlotte scrapes the skin off apples
07:38And then taunts them with her rage
07:39If you get angry with someone
07:41You can start peeling stuff
07:43Just getting a little bit of anger out
07:45I think are on the apple
07:47Run for it! Save yourself!
07:50Unlucky
07:50Apples detained
07:51They're unceremoniously chopped into bits
07:54And sent to sea wing
07:55Well, a glass bowl
07:56Dry fruit is added
07:57Then sugar
07:58I am so sugary
08:02And nutmeg
08:03If she can get into it
08:04Can you help me with it?
08:06I'm not your mother
08:06Oh, go on, give it here
08:08Oh, thank you so much for that
08:12There's an invoice in the post
08:15Once mixed
08:16She dumps the whole lot into a baking dish
08:18And prepares the crumble
08:21Melted vegan butter goes onto sugar, flour and powdered hazelnut
08:25This is my big moment
08:27This is when I'm going to apply the crumble to the apple
08:30Stand back, everyone
08:31Literally anything could happen here
08:35Crikey!
08:36It's actually going into the dish
08:37I actually want to be this, like, really cute housewife for my boyfriend
08:41Like, when he comes home from work
08:43I'm there with the pinion, hot pot in the oven
08:46And maybe I'm going to be that housewife I've always wanted to be
08:51What kind of housewife is that?
08:55Fruit base covered, that's it
08:56She's done it
08:57And no one was injured in the process, thank goodness
09:00Woo!
09:03I'm a crumble goddess
09:08Ow! Oh, my God, I just got cramp
09:10Oh, spoke too soon
09:12Dress code, glitz and glam
09:13Right, easy
09:14That's not now
09:15So we need to go and get dressed
09:17Yes
09:17I'm going ashamed tonight
09:19But I do have a black chiffon pussy bow
09:22With a lovely sequined jacket
09:23And I might even glitter my nips
09:25Well, it is Christmas
09:26All I need to do now
09:28Is turn myself into not a catfish
09:31I'm going to go from zero
09:33To ten in a matter of hours
09:36I mean, it takes an army
09:37Dawson Dazzler Division, ready for action
09:40It's not a flashy menu
09:42But quite often the meals you love best
09:45Are the more simple dishes
09:47Yeah, this could be my competition
09:51Oh, I see Charlotte's just left her empties on the doorstep
09:54I am ready for my glitz and glam party
09:57And I hope everyone else chuffing is
10:01Well, Debbie's definitely chuffing ready
10:09The welcome as we arrived was just amazing
10:12Let me see what's underneath this
10:13Oh, wow
10:16I mean, Debs, wow
10:18You are the queen of glitz and glamour
10:21I just want to eat her all up
10:24Oh, please don't do that
10:25So, ching, ching, Debs
10:27Happy Christmas
10:28Happy Christmas
10:30Ooh
10:31Next in, Steve-O
10:34Hey!
10:36Oh, God
10:37Merry Christmas
10:38Come in, let's get a beverage
10:40Slow enough
10:41I can just shut the door in my face
10:42Sorry
10:44Oh, ching, ching, ching, ching
10:46Ching, ching, ching, ching
10:47Everybody, yeah
10:47Happy Christmas
10:48Then Dick and Dom
10:50If we can prize them away from the girl in a glass
10:52Oh, ching, ching, ching, ching
10:56It is
10:56Woooooh
10:57Oh, yes
10:59Now that is glitz
11:00Hello, guys
11:02Hello, hello, hello
11:03Hello, hello
11:04All that soapy stuff that looks like snow
11:06Has made your hair go wet
11:07Yeah, sorry, Dom
11:08It is snow
11:09I like your menu
11:10Bit of stodge
11:10Okay
11:11Bit of stodge
11:12You've been down the chippy to buy it, yeah?
11:14You wish
11:16Finally, it's Courtney
11:17Who is now Shane with glittery nips
11:19Keep up, everyone
11:20Ooh, it's my favourite girl
11:24But I'm a boy
11:25Oh, here she is
11:30Oh, here she is
11:32How are you?
11:33Oh, my God
11:34Good to see you
11:35I know, it's snowing outside
11:37Bit of a shock, you know
11:38You heard the voice come through the door
11:40The front door
11:41And you're thinking
11:42Here comes Courtney
11:43There was Shane
11:44Never above ya
11:45Yeah
11:46Never below ya
11:47Always beside ya
11:49Amen to that
11:50Thanks, everyone
11:51And just, uh
11:51Oh, you're
11:52Sorry
11:53Dickie
11:53You're not in the bungalow now
11:55Yeah, anyway
11:56Coming up
11:57I think it's time to shake things up at this party
12:00Caring considerations
12:01To see Charlotte
12:04Vulnerable
12:04And to worry
12:06Um
12:06It was cute
12:08And comical coverings
12:11Actually, the batter on the fish
12:12It wasn't actually batter
12:13It was like a film
12:15Oh, we shouldn't do this
12:16It's not fair
12:17I know
12:21It's the second night
12:23Of our Christmas cooking competition
12:24Not keeping you up, are we?
12:26Here's to it
12:27Round two
12:27Yeah
12:27With reality star Charlotte Dawson hoping to bag a grand for her charity with a northern festive banquet
12:35You lot make yourself at home and I'm gonna go and crack on with a starter
12:39I'll be back
12:40Don't miss me too much
12:41Aw
12:42Off to the chip shop she goes
12:43Yeah, she's sweet
12:44I'm feeling really, really nervous, you know
12:46Like
12:47I've never cooked in my life
12:49I'm sure they'll love it
12:50Ooh
12:52It looks a bit tacky, like, but
12:54Nonsense
12:55It's the best thing since sliced bread
12:57Right, how do I serve this?
12:59In those round white things
13:01Ha-ha, there we go
13:03Merry mushy pea soup
13:05Well, mushy peas
13:08Pea's a jolly good fellow
13:10And so say none of us
13:12Mushy pea soup
13:14Yeah
13:14More bread, Dom
13:15Thank you
13:16Thank you
13:18It really was quite an extraordinary way to start a dinner party
13:23Are we using a fork or a spoon?
13:25I'll go for a shovel
13:26It almost felt like when you'd go to your crazy auntie's house
13:30She would give you minging food and you'd have to eat it
13:34This is good
13:35I didn't mean to sound so surprised when I said that
13:38So
13:38I actually really love this starter
13:41Is everybody liking this shit?
13:43I'm loving it, bro
13:43Well, the white slices are going down a treat
13:46I'm done
13:47I love it
13:48That's pleased, Dom
13:49I do
13:50Well, honey
13:51That's my mushy pea soup for ya
13:54Shane
13:55Yes
13:55You were Courtney last night
13:57It's funny because I didn't even realise
14:00That I was different tonight
14:02Mmm
14:02I guess in different situations
14:04We all have different hats
14:06Or wigs that we wear
14:07Charlotte, do you have different personas that you put on?
14:10I think maybe
14:11What persona are you putting on right now?
14:13I'm really nervous
14:13I'm petrified
14:15I mean, Charlotte was definitely feeling the pressure of cooking the meal tonight
14:18You know, being a hostess is one thing
14:20But cooking the food is another thing entirely
14:22To see Charlotte vulnerable
14:24And to worry
14:26Um
14:27It was cute
14:28Cute?
14:29What we're known for is being chaotic
14:32And everyone's like
14:33Ooh, it's Dick and Dom
14:33Watch out
14:34When people meet you in real life in the street
14:36They're kind of a bit confused that you're not being
14:38And shouting bogeys in the face
14:40Because you're just being yourself
14:41I hate that
14:42I hate that
14:43That's the pressure
14:44That you don't want to be that experienced
14:45That someone says
14:46I used to love them until I met them
14:48Yeah
14:49I met one of my idols
14:50Want to say who it was
14:51And I went
14:52Can I buy your drink?
14:53And they just went like that
14:55Yeah, sorry about that Dom
14:56I was very busy
14:57Being in the public eye sometimes
14:59When you're not feeling very well
15:00Or you're exhausted
15:01Can be hard work
15:03I am older
15:05So I've been in the public eye a lot longer
15:07And I just listen to you think
15:09I'm really lucky
15:10Because I just always play myself
15:11You know, I know I come across as a bit of a princess
15:14But actually really I'm not
15:16Debbie's got deep
15:17It's my night
15:18And I want it to be all fun
15:20Not deep
15:21Debbie had to kind of give us her advice again
15:24What I'd say is
15:25Yeah
15:26Just be yourself
15:27The thing is
15:28You've never seen me in the supermarket
15:29And I go
15:30Here's my shopping
15:32I've seen you Debbie
15:34In the two for one aisle
15:37Everyone's getting a bit deep tonight
15:38But they're about to get even deeper
15:41Because they're about to get deep fat fried
15:43In fish and chips
15:45Hooray!
15:47Charlotte flowers up her haddock
15:49Dips into her prepared batter
15:51Then into the pan
15:53Then adds more batter with a spatula
15:56What are you doing?
15:57I don't know
15:58I'm putting batter on the fish
15:59Yeah, you're supposed to do that before you
16:02Oh, never mind
16:03She adds more batter
16:05Then hoicks the fish out
16:08How's that? Dreadful?
16:10Mmm
16:10Hmm
16:11Mary's own
16:12Is it though?
16:14Charlotte fries all the coating off
16:16The tofu slams
16:18Adds glitter to powdered gravy
16:20And there you have it
16:21Festive fish and chips with glittery gravy
16:23And tofu with a watery drizzle for the flesh-phobes
16:26Happy chuffing Christmas
16:28For sure
16:29Oh
16:30Got hit all
16:31Glittery gravy
16:32You made these chips, isn't it?
16:35Chopped?
16:35No
16:35Oh no
16:36They are actually oven chips
16:38This is my bag shot
16:40Mmm
16:41It was alright
16:42It was nice
16:42The fish was decent
16:44I know nothing about food to be honest
16:46It was alright for me
16:47Ah, ignorance is bliss
16:50The mane I empathised with
16:52Um, not because it looked like it had been dragged behind the back of a car
16:55But she had attempted to batter it
16:58And the batter hadn't stuck
16:59Actually, the batter on the fish, it wasn't actually batter, was it?
17:03It was like a film
17:04There was no crunch
17:05It's hard
17:06Oh, we shouldn't do this
17:08It's not fair
17:09I know
17:13My main meal
17:16It didn't go down as bad as I thought it would
17:19I think
17:20Steve-o, out of everybody
17:23Demolished it
17:24I worry about gravy
17:25Because I worry about glitter
17:26Because, as I say
17:28Pedible
17:28Any time I get glitter on me
17:30No, my girlfriend thinks that I've been somewhere
17:32Ah
17:33Even this, if I'm pooing out the glitter
17:35She'll probably still be checking it
17:36You know what I mean?
17:38Sorry, Deb, sorry
17:39Do you all think I'm mother superior?
17:41My goodness
17:42You're our moral compass
17:43Yeah
17:43You see, the thing is
17:44I might be worse than all of you
17:46Ah
17:47Oh!
17:48Don't talk about it
17:49Oh, Debbie, you little devil
17:51Part of me is I like being secretive
17:54Oh!
17:55She said that there's a dark and mysterious side
17:59Is there?
18:00Probably not
18:02Back at the table and Dick wants to air some dirty laundry
18:06I hate changing beds
18:08Me too
18:08Yes
18:09Yeah, yeah, yeah
18:10Always get it wrong
18:10Someone just told me that you're meant to change your sheets once a week
18:14Once a week?
18:15I do it once a quarter
18:16When we lived together, I was about that, wasn't I?
18:18Yeah, you were
18:19My sheets are about once a quarter
18:20Yeah, they were crusty
18:21Your bedroom stank, though
18:23Whoever invented duvet covers need shooting
18:27All right, Debbie
18:29Hope you all enjoyed it
18:30Thank you
18:31Yes, we did
18:32Yes, we did
18:33Something funny jabs
18:34I think it's time to shake things up at this party with Shazza's Christmas makeover
18:40Sounds dangerous
18:42So guys, you're probably all thinking, what is going on?
18:46Yeah
18:47I've been thinking it all night
18:48Other than being a reality reject
18:51And Les Dawson's daughter
18:54I am also a makeup artist
18:55This is a Christmas makeover challenge
18:58And you have got five minutes to make these fabulous mannequins look like me
19:04And the winner wins
19:07A blankety-blank checkbook and pears
19:09Hold on, you missed something
19:12Oi
19:13A blankety-blank checkbook and pears
19:15It was a show her dad hosted in the 80s
19:19Asking Nan
19:20Time starts now
19:23And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the theme tune
19:28Hey, don't write them like this anymore
19:30What are you doing, Dom?
19:31Hair
19:32One minute to go, darling
19:38And that is time
19:43Shane, show me
19:46Right, okay, ouch
19:47I felt somewhat limited with the tools that were there
19:51And I know they say a poor tradesman always blames their tools
19:53Steve-o
19:55I feel mine look the best
19:57It looks like I've gone really overboard on the filler guys
20:00It is mine
20:00Aw, that's nice
20:02Spot on
20:04Et voila
20:04Oh, look at the weave is still coming off
20:07Okay, you ready?
20:08Here we go, dish
20:08Oh my god
20:10Oh!
20:11Glint and glam
20:11Oh!
20:13We've even got the...
20:14What? The eyelashes?
20:15The little eyelashes
20:16She's not put it down
20:17No, I know
20:18Yes, yes
20:19Oh no!
20:23So I dropped the blank to blank checkbook and pen that I've had since I was born
20:28No!
20:29Dropped an ear
20:30Oh no!
20:31No!
20:32I mean, I think it was my dad
20:34I think my dad dropped it
20:35He's here
20:36He's here
20:37Yes, and he's clearly not impressed
20:39It's not good
20:40It's between Debbie or Dick
20:43Debbie's is very demure
20:46Dick's has got a lot of character
20:47Yes
20:48So I think I'm going to go for the character
20:51Yeah!
20:52So I really think that Dick's head was very striking and mine wasn't
20:56Dick's head? Did you just say Dick's head?
21:02Debbie! I think the moral compass has gone south
21:05Oh dear!
21:07Yay!
21:10Well done!
21:11I think the main meal, you know, has slipped away from me a bit
21:14It didn't go as well as my starter
21:15So hopefully I can pull it back with my crumble
21:19Having climbed inside a goose, Charlotte heaves her crumble out of the oven
21:23And then attacks it with a spoon
21:27And there it is, Charlotte's Crimbo Crumble
21:30With cream
21:31This is alright
21:32It's alright, isn't it?
21:34Do you know how it actually tastes of Christmas?
21:35Are there nuts in here?
21:37It's not like nuts, it's hazelnut
21:38Yeah, there's still nuts
21:40She makes me feel so smart
21:42Hazelnut
21:43Right, time to go then, Texas!
21:46The crumble was definitely the best course of the evening
21:48Crumble was spot on, actually
21:50My Christmas crumble went down a chuffing treat
21:54Yeah, no, I like the dessert
21:55I like the dessert
21:56I set my expectations very low
21:58And they were surpassed
22:00Don't think the food was really Christmas dinner party
22:03And more like Friday night supper
22:05So it wasn't very festive
22:06So because of that, I'm giving her a four
22:10No vegetables tonight, I loved it
22:12So I'm giving her a seven
22:14Tonight I'm scoring Charlotte a Santa-fuelled seven
22:18Tonight we will be scoring Charlotte a very festive five
22:22Five
22:23Sending Charlotte's northern festive feast slightly south of top spot with 23
22:31Next time
22:34Wow
22:36Daring Debbie
22:42And Steve-O's spicy sauce
22:44It's got scotch bonnet in it
22:45It's the hottest chili you can get
22:47Oh my god, I'm dripping
22:48Oh my god
22:49I actually thought I was gonna die
22:51It's mad
22:54It's mad
22:55It's mad
22:55It's mad
22:55I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
23:06That's my god
23:08I feel lonely
23:12I'm calm
23:15Well the dream
23:17I can't
23:17You can't
23:17You can't