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00:00on it oh then they had a sausage butter then he had quazant and coffer oh I had a lot
00:08of pastry
00:09and bread and cake what sort of bread did you have on your sausage uh one of them what uh
00:15no
00:16quite sweet sort of bunny type thing like a broccoli type ball not a bit crisper all right okay right
00:29oh I didn't talk here we go high octane stuff he's done it again hi guest armor she drama oh
00:39he's got
00:39the one-liners well it looks like a dogging area to me what why am i watching this ah my
00:47eyes oh my god
00:49that man's got 180 children when will it end how to speak without saying anything volumes one two
00:55and three cover yourself in bovril and let's get on with it in the week we bid a fun farewell
01:02to
01:02acting legend dame penelope keith we enjoyed lots of great telly emergency calls were coming through
01:11thick and fast on channel five yes the patient's breathing i have a gentleman here who seems to
01:22have tripped i've never been in an ambulance i've never ever been in a number do you know what i
01:26don't think i've ever called 999 have you yeah no or 111 no i don't think i don't even know
01:32what i would
01:32do they go hello hello they ask who you want to speak to do they have you ever called fire
01:39police or
01:40ambulance what would you say whichever one you need rachel was jumbling things up on channel four
01:49and the final vowel please uh final a i'm dyslexic bruv so i'm coming out of about four words you
01:56know
01:56your thing is just a what you're on a conundrum went then not yeah two you know you know when
02:06you watch
02:06it and you like i've got five words and someone's like i've got eight yeah eight how you got eight
02:11bro and junta road was reinventing the sandwich on this morning you take that with you on your
02:17picnic and you know that you've got something delicious inside yep and and as well not using
02:21lots of plastic no that's it wait wait wait all right don't don't sigh when she says about saving
02:28the planet no that was so unnecessary do you know i mean i don't need a moral lecture i just
02:33want a
02:33sandwich do you know what i mean can i get a sandwich using cling film you piece of
02:37shit i'm like all right i just i just sort of sandwich josie all right
02:48in north london the hot weather it's all you're comfortable with it yeah i love it most of the
02:54time me too i think it's quite sexy does it get you going nigel gets me going julian and his
03:01good
03:01friend nigel what do you mean sexy well you know sexy what does it does it turn you on yeah
03:10the hot
03:11weather hmm and what is the consequence of this i have to ask my missus oh oh she must dread
03:21the
03:21morning she opens the curtains it's a hot day on friday we were on the edge of our seats for
03:28the grand
03:28final of series 93 of this can i have a drum roll now drum roll faster please do your feet
03:36as well do
03:36your feet do your feet countdown final let's get it countdown final pat patrick's back let's go patrick
03:47apparently like the woman on this not her carol vodafone but another woman on this my mom knows her
03:54mom small world mate small world thank you so much for tuning into this big day in the countdown
04:01calendar series 93 final 100 years they've been doing countdown for it's amazing if it's series 92
04:08they've been doing it for nearly 100 years wow that's incredible there could be an element of chester
04:13this right because are you going to play aggressive look this is patrick he's like he's like the countdown
04:19don how do you play aggressively at countdown yeah i don't i don't know what that means
04:23i i give me your confidence all right from the bottom of all our hearts the same best of luck
04:29to
04:29charlie and patrick come on charlie and patrick now these guys are really quick aren't they and
04:35they're great with numbers why aren't one of them chancellor of the exchequer well he's a finalist
04:40on countdown which is probably more fun no a consonant please good luck to you to start the final
04:45with s please spell out tosser or something fun chlamydia i like rachel's dress n and another
04:57d oh this is where it loses me when all the letters come out and a vowel o and another
05:03i
05:05sod slund we'll just need an e we've got a slade sland
05:09lond loins loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin loin and another e
05:16sliddoor a
05:19dailer oh yeah dailer that's dailies i've got oh so now without please promising start and a final oh oh
05:30okay is there a soldier soldier no you're thinking bandolera
05:36slader slader i'm going with that we're only not using two that's quite good soldier off
05:43slinder what we're doing the workings out in the red slender oreo oh oreo
05:48salero salero's not bad how many is that
05:54mine's daily helmet how many daily is patrick eight eight what he's got an eight he's got an eight
06:00eight there is soldier there isn't it s o l d i e r seven patrick uh idylons oh piss
06:10off
06:10what does that mean okay we're making up words now are we learned idylons charlie idylons they
06:17both got the same one they are in the dictionary and they are idealized people or things oh there you
06:24go that's not how i'd have spell either who thought we'd have an e at the front uh constant please
06:29rachel thank you patrick p uh oh it's tense in it and another t the vowel brilliant give me an
06:37a rat
06:39yes so close an a and a now the promising selection a final o grab it grab it we've got
06:45ego ego yeah
06:48wherever ego i go
06:53have they got the word already already already
06:58he's put his pen down you've got to have a nine letter to just sit there smugly haven't you
07:06operating patrick nine yeah show off i'll piss off what is it nine he's got them all patrick
07:12uh operating operating operating well it was as clear as the nose on my face operating two smooth
07:24operators they've got the same they both got the same he didn't get that single-handedly my greatest
07:32ever achievement and another s and a vowel nutted n t d look at some lovely letters here and a
07:41final
07:43vowel please who's going to break the deadlock that's the question denise i think this is the
07:47deciding one you know final e oh my gosh what have you got sectioned this could be another nine i'm
07:54telling you sectioned section i've got section yeah sectioned sectioned oh mommy that's all of them
08:03is it i got all of them you haven't done it again have you you have
08:12patrick's done it already wait is it done already are they done flipping no way
08:19they want to have brought their knitting with them patrick and nine charlie nine jennifer nine
08:24uh patrick sectioned sectioned he's done it again hi sectioned and charlie section
08:33they've both got the same word again mate this might be going to conundrum it has to we wanted it
08:39to be a
08:39crucial countdown conundrum we are there what i don't know what a conundrum is what what's a
08:45conundrum we are conundrums what is a conundrum a a chaotic mess and the only thing that could make
08:52this final better would be two crucial countdown conundrums colin is absolutely buzzing we are in
09:01continent with excitement all right so it's all on the life of charlie if he gets this right
09:05neck and neck what then they have to go again they have to go this is basically like sudden
09:09death at this point oh my lord come on patrick patrick charlie let's reveal come on charlie
09:16this crucial countdown conundrum give us a tiebreaker
09:21patrick for the title oh oh what go on ecuador correct
09:27cartouche let's have a look unbelievable there's no point is there oh what how does he get that he
09:35did it in three seconds cartouche in three seconds cottage will play cottage
09:43honestly i'd climb over that desk i'll wring his neck
09:48in essex wherever i get dressed in in the morning is what i will go
09:52until i go to bed and then when you go to bed oh nicky nicky times i knew you'd be
09:58a naked sleep
09:58bath vicky and a good friend pete yeah who wears things to bed me gross i can't stand my
10:06fucking flesh touching other bits of my flesh what so you know when you're asleep i don't know about
10:11you but i sleep like the number four so i sleep with one leg straight and one leg like this
10:15the
10:16number four right right and if that part of my leg touched that part and have a mental breakdown
10:23sweaty skin oh you'll hate the way i sleep then for some reason i feel like you just sleep like
10:28this
10:28i'm not i'm not count dracula get up i'll show you how to sleep this is this is me asleep
10:34come on you
10:35ready yeah
10:38it's not much better than dracula
10:41on friday night the queen of pop turned up on bbc one graham norton and madonna two absolute
10:49legends british icons she's not british she's american she's american her kid's british she american
10:57madonna's america she american i didn't know madonna was american i thought she was i've always thought
11:01she was british she's like 67 mate looks wicked still smashing her career dragon a fella half her
11:08age pop off queen we love to say women in male dominated fields yeah clock in clock it in 1983
11:18madonna played her first ever uk gig the camden palace it's only one man who can tackle madonna and
11:23that's graham norton okay i don't want to be rude about graham norton because i'm always trying to get on
11:27his show uh what are the chances he's very a-list i'm afraid to tell you nigel i'm always nervous
11:34meeting madonna but i do adore her would you be nervous interviewing madonna terrified would you
11:40yeah terrified to be honest sometimes i get nervous just to chat on the phone to my electrician
11:46yeah madonna would be more intimidating yeah than my electrician there are some recording artists
11:51who reflect history then there's madonna who defines it is that a real name actual name madonna
11:58louise giconi gay her music her face her name have been part of my life and yours for over four
12:07decades
12:08do you know madonna is exactly the same height as me yeah and the same age i did know that
12:15because you
12:15know what have i told you that every single birthday okay she sold 450 million records and counting
12:21one or two more than us ab yeah i'm so ready for this interview come on how come you keep
12:29coming back
12:30to dance music what's so important about dance music and dance floors well that's how i started i was a
12:35dancer i've only just sold up to being a dancer well because you just didn't know what it was yeah
12:41well
12:41yeah and it's just like really hard things to own up to be it just creates community and sometimes
12:49relationships or dance oh yeah the dance of dance of love sure this feels weirdly awkward it's like
12:59they've had a rile yeah but they're having to work through it yeah thinking back to the first
13:03confessions album and you know the huge success of hung up i think that must have been an amazing
13:09moment it was because we didn't have any idea how brilliant it was just it's giving small talk when
13:17you first arrive at a party isn't it yeah oh if it's a dinner party and they're gonna sit you
13:21down
13:22you're just thinking when are we gonna sit down and eat yeah i can eat something yeah i need a
13:26bread roll
13:26i've actually got something to show you it's a little visual reminder of 2005 when you were here
13:31and lots of other 2005 she's like was i here
13:42yeah i'm wearing the same boots in honor of that no love she's the same shoe size as she was
13:49back then
13:49well yeah period that tends to be what happens when she's still an adult woman you use things again so
13:55i do i do yeah i'd like to prove to myself that i can still fit into my clothes i
14:00reckon i'll get
14:00in mine i think so yeah it is i can get the legs in and i can get the arms
14:05so i'm halfway there i am
14:08so looking forward to a drink wait what we haven't even had a chat oh she's sitting down now i'm
14:14nice
14:15this is awkward but i'd like a drink and then we can chat you want to you sound boring no
14:19no i just
14:20we've got to pre-organize this but still no drinks imagine making mcdonald a drink you'd be so nervous
14:25you would this barmaid now must be shaking oh no kylie minogue hello darling
14:33kylie kylie what did you know kylie was going to be here no shut up i knew what you both
14:40wanted
14:40thank you well i pre-ordered i mean this is a gay man stream graham is going to faint in
14:45a minute
14:45he's gonna love it if jay mcdonald walks in as well that'll finish him off it's a moment it's a
14:51moment it's a moment oh the claw the claw the claw a bit weird i don't know what's going on
14:58why is
14:59just doing a big thing aren't they why is kylie madonna say if he madonna drinks look kylie i don't
15:04like
15:04this drink there we go don't send it back but i'm not going to send it back okay she's complaining
15:11about her drinks from kylie you don't complain to kylie okay i've got to ask uh there will all be
15:16rumors that uh kylie is on confessions too oh so you are on confessions too why do you have to
15:24know
15:24everything she's being very secretive it's like she's under police caution isn't it it's kind of
15:30like yes no no comment no comment you've been a long time fan and i've been a long time fan
15:38thank you
15:40maybe we're all gay what maybe we're all gay well they got gay icons aren't they i've been oh you're
15:47you don't get it what your debut album oh my sister and i hammered that album love was born
16:00and it was everlasting wow she just looks unimpressed at everything well i don't think her face can move
16:07very much it might be that i'm gonna have to google her later oh madonna what do you need to
16:13know
16:14i can't actually remember what my first album i bought was well i didn't buy mine i stole them
16:20pinups by david bowie unki dora and rod stewart er rod stewart fucking everything no rod stewart
16:28with maggie may on it me what was it called that one uh so i robbed them free from scan
16:331973.
16:37three consecutive documentaries about stone axes chris and his stepdaughter megan i went to see four
16:45the other day in a museum where i went deliberately to to a museum to look at four where did
16:50you go
16:50dublin museum you went to dublin yeah yeah were they were they good oh so i went back three times
16:58i went
16:59back the following morning and went back and looked at them again could you not have just taken a picture
17:03i
17:03did take photos but then you could you could have just had a lion and looked it on your phone
17:07and
17:08then but then i decided i'd go back and see them again but what did you get out of the
17:12second visit
17:13went straight to see the axes and then i tried to distract myself by looking at other archaeological
17:17relics and then i went back to the axes then i went back to the hotel following morning got up
17:22went
17:22back to the axes and another look but but what did you achieve out of that joy joy joy this
17:29week it was
17:29an oscar-winning horror giving us the creeps on sky all right i've been waiting for this day let's go
17:35how long have i told you to watch this for long time oh i'm gonna watch it how i watch
17:40every horror
17:40film what i've heard of this film weapons have you i purposely didn't watch it because my kids
17:51disappearing oh in one scene we saw a concerned teacher trying to figure out what had happened to
18:00all the missing kids
18:03i bet she's our amateur sleuth she just wants to get to the bottom of it because every single person
18:09thinks it's her oh everyone's blaming her everyone's blaming her hello no one there was no one answering
18:21the door he definitely went in there didn't he oh newspaper why is all the windows papered up
18:37oh don't go around the back do you like going around the back nigel no no not as much as
18:42you
18:45but there's a gap she's gonna have a look
18:50oh god what's she gonna see
18:56what's in there all the lights are off it's so weird in that house do you know what i'm
19:00getting nervous i can feel my heart rate going up oh my goodness me oh what was it what was
19:12it sat
19:13on the sofa just like this
19:20they're not moving bro they're not moving after hearing about the strange goings on at alex's house
19:26the head teacher scheduled a meeting
19:33oh who's this who are you oh you're not strange principal miller and gladys you won't
19:41fuck with her would you no you won't mess about with her she looks evil i know i've met alex's
19:46father
19:47before i'm alex's aunt why are you there then so where's his parents yeah they're sitting still
19:52on the sofa a concerned individual has lodged a welfare complaint and unfortunately i need to
19:58make contact with the child's legal guardian what the hell did she just look at then what are they
20:02ribbons what are they for but frankly i'm not convinced that anything is wrong who made the
20:08complaint see that's too who made it complete yeah she is ready for war people like that mostly live in
20:17kent in chatham yeah my brother lives in kent well there you are gee more ants
20:29oh no thank god you're home oh she's a bit out of breath won't she tell about his house
20:38could i please have some water no no sorry let her in no dehydrate for all i care go away
20:45i'm afraid
20:45that's right of course you can have some water oh thank you so much no what are you talking about
20:52this woman is not to be trusted she is up to no good my guy oh i absolutely love this
21:00house look
21:01a giraffe and a green chinese that's original in there i bet it is she's recovered quickly hasn't
21:07she she's now a perky yeah moment she perked up i'm grabbing her by the fringe and dragging her
21:11straight back out oh marcus get her a glass why is he buying that as a real cough
21:21marcus get her a glass what a bowl please a bow it's not a single thing she does it's normal
21:28no
21:29it's a peculiarity of mine i don't even try to rationalize it anymore
21:35fair enough that's fine you've got a few of those gladys i'm really gonna have to insist that you
21:41are what's that what is she doing is is that my ribbon oh the ribbons from the office that she
21:49was
21:49looking at why she got those she's gonna do she's like a witch she's gonna do some spell of some
21:55kind
21:55what is this oh my god oh my what's she doing could you get me a rag sweetie
22:07scissors big scissors here we go nigel i know i'm ready buckle up
22:12ah she cut his hair she cut his hair call 999 911 911 911
22:20oh my god and that's his hair that's his hair watch what's about to happen to him
22:26just snap the twig no don't snap the stick don't snap i mean i don't know what's going
22:30to happen but please don't snap the stick oh no oh he's possessed
22:39this is weird oh his poor partner well that's gay marriage for you
22:48oh jesus fucking hell no what is that oh i don't fucking know
22:55oh he just nutted him he's going to headbutt him to death
23:01whose hair is this now someone else's hair is the teacher
23:10he's going to get the teacher no no oh it's the weapon oh my god that's why it's called weapons
23:16she makes some weapons that's why it's called weapon that's why they're called weapon that's that's
23:21it i need a break let's do one of the year i need a break no i'm getting a drink
23:25oh do you want
23:26anything uh just a water please okay in a bowl shut up
23:35there's a bowl of water on the side there's a bowl of water on the side
23:45it's because the dogs so they don't get like oh that's a picnic for somebody else
23:50they think oh someone's put some coleslaw so that's what lovely my level nick and his niece
23:56live i also in this weather got air conditioning bought an air conditioning unit like basically for
24:03the dogs so it's like quite cool for them keep finding them outside on sun loungers i'm like
24:10get inside you're gonna die on sunday night there were more misbehaving mutts on channel five
24:17i watch it just to see how good my dog is because i think actually she doesn't do that that's
24:25pretty
24:25great that's actually quite nice in the heat wave oh yeah this is nice about these two dogs on me
24:30do you
24:30know what i can't even have this on sometimes because it sets my dogs off as soon as i hear
24:34the dogs on this so your dogs behave badly because they're watching dogs behaving badly
24:41i don't think there is such a thing as a bad dog i just think it's a bad owner 100
24:45i love this
24:47yeah dogs behaving badly that's like me you well yeah we're dogs and we behave badly
24:55graham's next case takes him to the garden of england kent famous for its oysters and iconic wines and
25:04criminals it's home to some seriously discerning diners come and eat some tindins oh look oh we've
25:11got a fussy eater is it nice you want to get this is nancy cockapoo roman lives with his head
25:18chef
25:19no no social worker stephanie this is ridiculous i've never seen my dogs not eat their dinner in
25:27under five seconds when i put roman's feed down on the floor uh he will look at it he will
25:32smell it
25:33but he will refuse to eat it i was always told eventually when the dog's hungry it will eat yeah
25:38but they say that about kids as well and it's not it's not true is it because roman knows
25:44come here something is missing he likes his cheese cheese oh my god it's basically my husband
25:53he would put it he'd put cheese on his cornflakes really cheese on everything i'll warm it up
26:00oh my god she warms it as well i'm sorry he likes it very melty does he does he now
26:07me too roman
26:08would he turn his nose up if it's not melted enough oh come on i wouldn't feed my dog that
26:15literally and of course no fine dining experience would be complete ready steady go without exemplary
26:24service what what well you know what what she's done she's turned it into a game with it just to
26:31get
26:31him to eat i'll take it out in my hand like this oh my god what's she doing and just
26:36roll it into a
26:37ball just to disguise the food as a ball making sure he eats a whole pack of food can take
26:42up to six
26:42hours of my time six hours oh my goodness i wish i took six hours and a lot of exercise
26:48to eat food
26:50this could hey this is this could be this could be the solution for me
26:56i need to have a new fad diet i need to run after a ball you have to get a
27:01social market to roll it
27:02into a little ball for you and chase you around the garden yeah i do steph's been performing this food
27:09theater blimey for the last three years three years she's been doing this i actually saw him eating
27:16out of a bowl yeah at his daycare center there's no nonsense happening at daycare roman's taking the piss
27:24yeah look at that he's eating out of a bowl oh roman you little naughty boy so the dog is
27:33a liar
27:35graham wants to introduce a set meal time done i see it yeah five o'clock is when the dogs
27:41get fed
27:42and they know if he chooses not to tuck in during his allocated sitting his dish will be returned to
27:48the kitchen and it'll stay there till it's there even if it's there a month later
27:54all we're going to do is give him anything if he doesn't have it we'll take it up
27:58it's not going to stay there forever and it's there i might take it away that makes him think
28:02there's urgency yeah he might be thinking oh thanks i haven't got to play that game for six hours
28:08look he's going towards the farm oh my god he's eating he's gonna do it could the tables have turned
28:17okay he's gone away he's not having it there's no cheese on me tea they make countless attempts
28:24you can have some dindings come on ray but roman refuses to take a single bite it's probably quite
28:31hard to break the habit of the weird lasagna bowl game well i'm a bit disappointed because i was hoping
28:38at one stage that we were gonna see a minor miracle but not today roman beat graham he's
28:44he's not the dog man he says he is well it's amazing what you can make tv out of isn't
28:50it it is
28:50the dog eating its dinner oh sorry i was eating this without running around the garden and
28:55having it shall i throw it for you come on come on mommy come on in manchester you've crossed your
29:08legs like princess diana no that's that they don't cross their legs like that you have to put
29:13yeah the royals yeah friends mark and kelly well like that yeah that's what you have to do then you
29:20but you but then your upper body has to be but you can do that they can do that i
29:25can't i can't
29:26with my back bend your knees a bit more which way have you gone hang on let me go the
29:30same way as you
29:31right right and then like that but no but raise your knees a bit i can't my body doesn't do
29:37that
29:38but but your legs are the wrong way put your bottom leg over there my legs aren't the wrong way
29:42put your bottom leg this way right and that one over and then sit what's wrong with you
29:49this week we were back at clarkson's gaff on prime video who'd have thunk it after all these years
29:56never thought i'd be a jeremy clarkson fan you love a farm i love a farm i love a farmer
30:02farming stock
30:07already right that's not what a farm looks like most farms are horrible monocultures which have been
30:13sprayed with deadly chemicals time and time again the ground pumped full of fertilizer
30:18and loads of the animals are indoors in crates being crushed and kept in the dark that's an
30:23idealistic view of a farm and it puts the wrong idea in people's minds now that's only the titles
30:29oh god what's my blood pressure in the program jeremy was up at the crack of dawn to meet bird
30:36enthusiast hannah i know loads of people across the country come to deadly squat but this guy has
30:43traveled 8 000 miles how does she know this she doesn't look like a birdwatcher what does a bird
31:02yeah yeah yeah just double checking what's this is just your list of things you've heard yes oh
31:08that's a wren she's got a bird spreadsheet yeah exactly i love that me too you don't get an app
31:13don't you what you can get an app which you just start going it listens and it tells you what
31:21the
31:31yes yes in you listen listen listen can you hear the lorry reversing
31:37to it's a bird but it sounds like a lorry reversing
31:43yeah that's a greater white throat oh greater white throat she's quicker than the app oh my
31:49god she's incredible she's like a sommelier but of birds well yes like she's a bird sommelier
31:58do you do it when you're just walking along and you you're constantly tuned into oh look skylocks
32:04well i can't see any yeah i love skylock it's like shut up yeah god would you love to say
32:12that
32:12to jeremy clarkson yeah shut up shut up skylock skylock so this is rye grass this was part of the
32:19scheme caleb's look he's been along and he's making silence oh what's happened oh that's bloody awful
32:26so i might vomit in your car oh no he's killed birds there's a very good chance if you silage
32:31too soon you kill all the chicks oh no all the chicks she's he's killed all the chicks imagine if
32:42you were baby skylock with that coming towards you what caleb yeah king caleb oh caleb's gonna get it
32:50now hey he doesn't know what he's in for hannah this is caleb hannah lovely to meet you hello oh
32:55tense yeah lovely to meet you you're about to spoil my harvest you want to go out there literally
33:01now yeah and cut it and you say if he goes out there now he is going to decapitate 24
33:08chicks we're
33:09going to be short on cow food we're already short now we might have to start feeding our winter
33:12resources now this is quite brutal it's the cows versus the chicks yeah it's hard isn't it it's the
33:18balance between profit and wildlife well it's got to be wildlife surely so i've got to make a decision
33:26jeremy's in a bit of a pickle isn't he here he's got to make the right decision here otherwise i'm
33:32driving to wherever that place is you know i don't know what i'm going to do when i get there
33:38but i will
33:39be arriving in an electric vehicle
33:43in my life before and thankfully you give me some tablets there i thought i was going to die
33:48with a fever eye pollen then innit yeah i've never had it before sean and bears it's amazing what uh
33:57placebo effect does in it well you know what i've already better placebo with because i've got one of
34:03your tablets and that placebo in the way i already feel better but they do they like antibiotics and
34:10they said anti-psychotics antibiotics they take about we could do with some anti-psychotics as well
34:15i've got some of them you want yeah somebody as well yeah anti-psychotics and antibiotics they've got
34:22a pill for everything these days i've got a pill i've got a pill for everything
34:28this week we got a dose of blue light action on channel five i thought i was having a heart
34:34attack
34:35once did you and my husband called an ambulance how did you feel how did you know oh well i
34:40was in
34:41terrible pain and the titan they you know they speak to on the phone i had all the symptoms and
34:46then the ambulance came around do you know what it was what trapped wind was it really do you remember
34:51when we went to hospital because you were putting beads in my hair and i put one of the beads
34:55up my nose yeah didn't you go to the hospital when i put a book on your head as well
34:59i think we
35:00managed to get that off with the garden shears oh yeah yeah ambulance code red i'm already cringing
35:07i'm not good with blood you like those sort of things sometimes but i don't really like seeing
35:13people ill so this isn't going to be i don't like why is that my crack is it no
35:21shazam no chesham okay where's chesham don't know yeah yeah the patient's breathing the patient's
35:31breathing well that's a good sign i have a gentleman here who seems to have tripped out
35:36charoonie um i think he's broken his ankle it's a bit low-key that isn't it i mean it's
35:42are you not happy with the you're not happy with the the level of drama do you know how i
35:46break my arm
35:47no getting a wasp out the window no i fell over the fell off the chair oh god he's in
35:53a very
35:54awkward position that uncle seems to be like very bent over no it's always i'm imagining it and it's
36:01already bad it's just in a like a right angled position but his knees up where knees up at right
36:08angle oh like that oh wait so if he's like that it's like facing that so what happened how did
36:15you
36:15fall oh here we go what happened how did you fall we're at a wedding he's very drunk it's very
36:20dark
36:21and he tripped over at the park oh here we go free bar no one's paying for a drink at
36:27that wedding
36:27yeah i think there's a blanket tim and matt are the first to arrive at the hotel where the patient
36:33is
36:33still in the garden where he fell oh man let's see this i'm matt this is tim what can we
36:39call you
36:40sir robin oh robin oh robin do you remember falling robin not really no i don't remember
36:49that's just judgy why it's too many beers again telling him about this oh i can't watch this i
36:55don't want to see the ankle i'm desperate to see the ankle do you remember falling oh no tell me
37:04when
37:05it's gone tell me when it's gone no no it's still there but there's a bone okay i'm going to
37:08describe
37:08it he's got a loafer on i don't need to know what shoes he's wearing he's got a loafer on
37:15and the
37:15loaf is pointing downward we've not got any significant critical skin but it definitely is oh my god oh yeah
37:22that's badly broken there isn't it it's definitely broken richie it's not how an ankle should be you
37:28need to be careful when you're stumbling around gardens late at night that could happen to you nigel
37:33with your brittle bones tim will be giving robin ketamine we know this joke it's all right this
37:40one he's going to be happy it's not all right it's not all right what are you giving him carey
37:46you're
37:46fucking mad i don't like it yeah it's going to be off his head see you just nice deep breaths
37:54we're with you you're safe this is all happening outside on the floor i know he's going to think that
38:00head torch is a glow stick where where am i am i i'm in ibiza no robin you're in chesham
38:09if you're
38:09having sort of hallucination-y type feelings all of that's normal with this medicine if i've got three
38:16heads on purple don't panic it's all right you're just hallucinating robin okay just enjoy it just
38:22enjoy it i'm now going to take your snapped in half leg okay robin is that all right robin lovely
38:28robin
38:28enjoy robin are you happy if i start getting the straight oh you don't want to look now
38:35so when i lift the whole leg up jesus christ i can't what i can't watch them do this no
38:40don't don't no
38:43no no oh with robin fully sedated matt can begin the process of realigning the bones in his leg
38:53helped by one of the hotel staff oh yeah yeah anyone else want to have a car she's obviously done
39:00the
39:00first aid course yeah yeah yeah she's a first aider you're doing well there robin so they're just
39:05straightening out that broken leg for you now mate right so they've taken his socks off he's
39:09got nice feet it looks like it's all going beautifully down there look at that it's straight
39:14now beautifully it's got nice legs and nice with this handle i want you to pull it here
39:19be careful not to flex it why is she doing it yeah where's his mate gone robin's leg is straight
39:26the skin is intact and it's been successfully splinted for the trip to hospital smashed it lads
39:32that's the job well done that i cannot believe that they just did that in a car park i'm not
39:38sure
39:38how much you remember of the last hour or so but ankles in a splint looks good you're fixed robin
39:46main thing now is to get you as comfortable as we can get you off to hospital
39:54whatever i'll have a vodka and coke please and let's get on with it whatever they just
39:58got like life-saving exactly amendments to his leg whatever whatever have you got robin ash showing
40:04me love thanks great in north london are you all right what's happened with your voice i think i
40:13sound a bit sexy you've got a touch of the mariella frost drops she's a very attractive intelligent
40:18woman that's what it is best mates sarah and claire what have you been doing now have you been out
40:24and
40:24shouting no i stuck a fan in my face when it was dead hot you stuck a what in your
40:29face a fan fan fan
40:33so well i'm very open-minded you're very modern
40:38so you put a fan in your face yeah how long for all night i think i slept with my
40:43mouth open
40:45just drying off your innards on friday itv filled our morning with another cheery mix of this and that
40:55but you know what i am what someone called me they have a nice skinny fat oh i hope you
40:59give him a clip no i've got a muffin top and tits i've actually been going to bed with a
41:03cold flannel yeah i've been doing cold flannel i've also been doing a sheet but like oh i imagine jesus
41:10christ might have gone to bed like just like a loincloth love you love you it's too early mate
41:21relax horizontal stripes dermot not for everyone to complete the week john charodes in the kitchen
41:27today with the perfect picnic sandwich now you know i don't do you like a picnic can't be bothered
41:32yes it looks like a christmas pudding but actually inside there is going to be a sandwich and i'll show
41:38something you could put through someone's window if you threw it at it it's about a sandwich you
41:42take that with you on your picnic and you know that you've got something delicious inside i haven't
41:46got room for anything else job what you're going to do is take a round loaf of bread this is
41:50called
41:51a muffaletta a muffa what a muffin letter a muffin you go around the outside then you get a nice
41:56little
41:56round top so that's your your top comes off okay that's scalping if he takes all the bread out of
42:02this i'm going to i think that's what he does do so you're going to take out quite a lot
42:06of your bread
42:07that's the best bit i'm going to take some of that bread that's in here i can't watch him dig
42:13it out
42:13and then expect me to eat it oh do you want a sandwich no i'm all right thank you so
42:20i've got
42:20some green olives here which have been filled because we want it to be nice and colorful inside
42:23our sandwich what is this man doing this is a very olivey sandwich yeah some vinegar parsley parsley
42:32parsley and olive oil i'll be honest oh my gosh i think of the you know six ingredients so far
42:39the
42:39only one i like is bread we've got olives and parsley and bread i cannot stand olives it's going
42:44to be interesting to see how how that is actually a sandwich rather than the bowl full of olives some
42:49prosciutto okay salami some artichokes some olives did he say olives again yeah black olives oh for
42:58sake some peppers and then some mozzarella as well so all this stuff goes together like a big pizza this
43:03isn't my perfect picnic sandwich is it yours no it really isn't my perfect picture if i'm going to put
43:09it out there this is pissing me off you make these overnight so the next day when you go on
43:13a picnic
43:13you've got no preparation to do my god i've got to make it the day before i'm going on a
43:18picnic i don't
43:18have time for all this in the of an evening i'm busy watching love island sliced cheese so sliced
43:26cheese and there but it's not a sandwich it's a bucket a bread does look a bit like when you
43:31look
43:32into the bin and it's all your leftovers add to that now some black olives he's got more olives in
43:39there when will it end when will it end so many layers put the lid back on under there and
43:45now what
43:45do i do with it you wait it just before you put it in the fridge if you just want
43:49to get it oh
43:51in like john push it all down and wrap the whole thing in a tea towel and then put that
43:57in your
43:57fridge overnight oh go yourself i don't think so do you instead of having all your picky bits on
44:04plastic containers and trays and all that sort of stuff within your picnic basket you know the way it's
44:08nice you've got this and it's really impressive because you open it up and you go well look what
44:13i bought guys to my our perfect picnic who invited john is what they'll say amazing sandwich
44:23do you know what i'm coming play fair play well i'm going to say i'm back in the room
44:29i am back in the room i'm intrigued how you get your my friend that well you don't you're not
44:35supposed to
44:35get your mouth how should you do it how are you meant to eat it if you're not supposed to
44:38get your
44:38mouth around it just ask the most important question go on go on i want to see it happen
44:42should you slice it and then eat knife and fork what i do is i do like that don't say
44:46you take
44:46it apart john and then you can actually just choose the bits you want oh no that's not a sandwich
44:55it's
44:56not is it it's a shambles it's you've put it all together and then you get to the picnic
45:02and then you take it all apart you know what if i was john to road i'd come off the
45:05section
45:06and i'd be throwing it i'm going do you know what you don't deserve my muffaletta that's what i
45:09would say do you know what kelly i don't want your muffaletta what a waste of time i'd say mark
45:14you're never getting anywhere near my i don't want to be anywhere near your muffaletta
45:22stupid idea especially if it's got an olive in it