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  • 2 days ago
Desperate Housewives S01E19
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00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:02Grandma's here.
00:03In life...
00:04It's called a post-nuptial agreement.
00:06I'm not signing this.
00:08Sign it!
00:09Stop! You're hurting me!
00:11This is Elise. What are you doing here?
00:13You can't change what's already been done.
00:16People leave trails. One of those trails will lead to Deirdre.
00:19I'm not taking my money to the grave. I'm going to use it to save your ass.
00:22Or who people really are.
00:24Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay.
00:34Every morning as she went to take out her trash,
00:37Lynette Scavo would indulge in a little daydream.
00:40The details of which were always the same.
00:45One day, her nasty neighbor, Karen McCluskey, would keel over and die.
00:53And her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family
00:57with two adorable twin daughters.
01:00The families would form an everlasting friendship.
01:05Culminating in their daughters marrying her sons at an elaborate wedding,
01:11the Scavo's wouldn't have to pay for.
01:17Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydream.
01:20But Mrs. McCluskey always had a way of pulling her back to reality.
01:27Hey, hey, hey, hey!
01:30Why are you stealing my garbage cans?
01:32Garbage pickup was two days ago.
01:34These cans have been on the street ever since.
01:35I just assumed you didn't want them anymore.
01:37Oh, that's very cute.
01:39That's good.
01:40Here, give them hair.
01:42Stand up, we gotta look at that god-awful color you painted at the house.
01:45We shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end.
01:48You want to talk about good neighbor etiquette?
01:50How about you hire a gardener to take care of that jungle you call a lawn?
01:53I am on a fixed income.
01:55Oh, well, perhaps you should consider moving somewhere less expensive,
01:58like a nursing home.
02:00Go to hell.
02:00Run by Germans, hmm?
02:05And, you know, oh, oh, Mrs. McCluskey?
02:11Mrs. McCluskey, are you all right?
02:16I'll get the door.
02:20Mrs. McCluskey?
02:21For a brief moment, Lynette was presented with an interesting choice of options.
02:29And though she knew she'd hate herself in the morning,
02:32Lynette chose to do the right thing.
02:35Lynette, where are they taking me?
02:37You're going to the hospital, Mrs. McCluskey.
02:39You're going to be fine.
02:40Well, I don't want to go alone.
02:42Come with me.
02:42Oh, um, these are trained technicians,
02:46and I've got a roast in the freezer.
02:49Please.
02:50I'm scared.
02:55Yeah, I'll come with you.
02:57Okay, here I am.
03:00If I die, I don't want it to be with strangers.
03:04You're not going to die.
03:05How can you be so sure?
03:09Of course, Lynette didn't respond.
03:12How could she tell her neighbor
03:14that some dreams are just too beautiful to come true?
03:43You're not going to die.
04:07Life is a journey.
04:09One that is much better traveled
04:11with a companion by our side.
04:13But sometimes we lose our companions along the way,
04:19and then the journey becomes unbearable.
04:24Noah?
04:26I didn't know you were a religious man.
04:29What's with the rosary?
04:31They found Deirdre.
04:33What?
04:36Her body had been stuffed inside a toy chest.
04:39Can you believe that?
04:43A kid's toy chest.
04:50She'd been dismembered.
04:57Oh, my God.
05:03Cops ID'd her from her dental records.
05:09She's been dead 15 years.
05:13All that time I was looking for,
05:16she was already gone.
05:21I'm so sorry.
05:25I have to bury my baby.
05:29I came out here to, uh,
05:31figure out what kind of tombstone to get her.
05:36You shouldn't be doing this now.
05:38Let's get you home.
05:41There's a cop I want you to talk to.
05:44A cop?
05:45His name is Sullivan.
05:47I paid him to take the heat off you
05:48for your neighbor's murder.
05:50He'll get you the file on Deirdre's case.
05:54Apparently, they have some leads.
06:04I don't know.
06:05I think we may be making a huge mistake.
06:07We made our decision.
06:08Let's just stick to it.
06:09Let's say we leave him here three more weeks.
06:12What's the worst that could happen?
06:15Our son just told us that he might be gay.
06:18There are 200 other boys in this camp.
06:21Now, I could explain to you
06:23what might happen if we left him here,
06:25but I'm a lady,
06:26and I don't use that kind of language.
06:33Now, I bet we're worrying ourselves sick over nothing.
06:35This is probably just a phase.
06:37Exactly.
06:38So we'll get him home,
06:39we'll get him into Christian counseling,
06:40so it won't become a lifestyle.
06:42Well, whatever's going on with him,
06:43he's still our son, and we love him.
06:46Why would you say that to me?
06:47Because it's obvious how freaked out you are
06:50by the whole gay thing.
06:52I may be freaked out,
06:53but that doesn't change how I feel about him.
06:55I'm just saying, be cool.
07:00Be cool.
07:01Be cool.
07:02Be cool.
07:03Be cool.
07:04Be cool.
07:15It'll be nice to have you back.
07:19Andrew,
07:20I would love you
07:21even if you were a murderer.
07:35Mommy, the alarm's not moving.
07:37Oh, for Pete's sake.
07:40Oh, my gosh.
07:41Oh, that's a bell.
07:46Mom.
07:47Mom, kids are waiting.
07:49Oh, honey, Hector here teaches salsa dancing
07:52at the community center.
07:53I give private lessons, too.
07:55Oh, I bet you do.
07:57Mom.
07:58What?
07:59Could you please not flirt with the ice cream man?
08:01Why not?
08:02Do you need a reason beyond the fact
08:03that he's the ice cream man?
08:05It's called moving on with your life.
08:09You just broke up with Morty two weeks ago.
08:11Don't you think you can at least pretend
08:12to mourn the relationship?
08:13Oh, you are such a stick in the mud.
08:16We should be out there having fun.
08:19I know what we can do tonight.
08:20We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys.
08:24Mom.
08:25Oh, it'll be great.
08:27I'll say I'm 42 and you can be 28.
08:31What?
08:33Oh, you can pull it off.
08:41Miss McCluskey, you're back from the hospital already?
08:44Turns out I OD'd a little bit
08:45on my arthritis medication.
08:47One pill I can open, a jar of four pills,
08:48I'm face down calling for my life.
08:51You'll find out about that soon enough.
08:55Well, I'm glad to hear you're all right.
08:57Here.
08:58It's my way of saying thank you
09:00for not letting me die out there on the lawn.
09:02Oh, Miss McCluskey, you don't have...
09:03I hate that.
09:04It's genuine Tiffany.
09:06It's been in my family for years.
09:08I don't know what to say.
09:10It's stunning.
09:26I didn't fight you in, but...
09:28Well, I wanted to tell you what my doctor said.
09:29It seems that arthritis is the least of my problems.
09:31See, I had this skin tag,
09:33or what I thought was a skin tag,
09:34but it turns out it might be more serious.
09:42What do you think you're doing?
09:43Please, I can't sleep in the den anymore.
09:46I need to sleep in a bed.
09:47Well, then you might want to try a motel
09:48because you're not coming back in here.
09:53How many times have I got to say I'm sorry?
09:55Obviously a few more.
09:58I am not proud of what I did.
10:01I admit I was way out of line.
10:04You went back in this bed?
10:06You know what to do.
10:09I'm not tearing up the post now.
10:11Why not?
10:12Because it's the one way that I can ensure
10:13you'll be here when I get out of jail.
10:16Well, then have fun at the motel.
10:19Fine.
10:20Tomorrow I'm canceling your credit cards.
10:23What?
10:24And I'm taking away your ATM as well.
10:26What am I supposed to do for money?
10:28Maybe once you see how good you've got it here,
10:30you'll start treating me with a little respect.
10:32You want my respect?
10:33Then tear up the post now.
10:35Give me my pillow.
10:39One more thing.
10:40If you ever hurt me again,
10:42I will kill you.
10:43If you ever leave me for another man,
10:45I'll kill you.
10:50Boy, with all this passion,
10:52is it a shame that we're not having sex?
11:13I feel trapped.
11:15You want me to open a window?
11:16No, I'm talking about my life.
11:19Oh.
11:20Are we done making out?
11:22No, no.
11:23Keep going.
11:26So what's up?
11:28I'm unhappy.
11:29Carlos and my marriage.
11:31I feel like I don't have options
11:33and it's driving me crazy.
11:35Every time something went south in my life,
11:37I always had a plan B.
11:38Now I feel like I have nothing.
11:39What about me?
11:41And can I be your plan B?
11:42Damn it, John.
11:43What is our new rule?
11:45Stop pretending we have a future.
11:49Well, can't you just walk out?
11:50No.
11:51Because if I leave,
11:52then I'll be broke and that's awful.
11:54If I stay, then he's in control
11:55and that's horrifying.
11:57And he cut up all my credit cards,
11:58which means I'm married to him
12:00and unable to shop.
12:01Which is probably the worst
12:03of all possible worlds.
12:05I'm sorry.
12:06I'll figure something out.
12:10I'm not much fun today.
12:11I'm gonna go.
12:16Wait.
12:20What's this?
12:21You deserve nice things.
12:23And if Mrs. Solis won't provide them,
12:25I will.
12:27With your student credit card?
12:29I own my own business.
12:31You mow lawns.
12:32I make good money.
12:33You know, I have 20 houses
12:34and I'm this close to getting
12:35the driving range of the country club.
12:36I can't.
12:37Yes, you can.
12:45I'll pay it off.
12:47If you want.
12:48But you don't have to.
12:51Mrs. Solis,
12:52to take care of you,
12:55it's my dream.
12:57Well, far be it for me
13:00to stand in the way
13:01of a young man's dream.
13:04Okay, Tom.
13:05Yeah, I will swing by the dry cleaners
13:07after I hit the market.
13:08Mm, I don't know.
13:09Porter has a dentist appointment
13:11at 4 o'clock,
13:12so the car might have to wait
13:14until tomorrow.
13:15Okay.
13:16Yeah.
13:16I love you, too.
13:18Bye-bye.
13:19Hi, there.
13:19I brought you some avocados.
13:21I have a tree in back,
13:22but I hate them,
13:23and your family seems like
13:24the kind that would eat guacamole.
13:26Um, Mrs. McCluskey,
13:28thank you.
13:28That is very nice.
13:29So let's make up a batch.
13:30Oh, um,
13:32now's not a good time.
13:33I'm on my way out.
13:35I have a ton of errands.
13:36Oh, you know, that's great
13:37because my car's on the fritz
13:38and I could hitch a ride.
13:40I need to drop by the pharmacy anyway.
13:41No, I can't.
13:42I'm sorry,
13:43but I have a lot of things to do.
13:45Well, maybe you could take me later.
13:46I can drop by tomorrow.
13:48Mrs. McCluskey,
13:49I'm not going to have any time tomorrow.
13:50Oh.
13:52It sounds interesting
13:52that you can't spend two minutes with me,
13:54but you have no trouble
13:55taking my Tiffany lamp.
13:58Oh, for God's sakes.
14:02Here.
14:04You should take this back.
14:05I...
14:07I don't have a place for it.
14:08But that was my thank you
14:10for saving my life.
14:11I know,
14:11and it was a beautiful gesture.
14:14Really.
14:14But I just...
14:16Save it, Lynette.
14:18I get the picture.
14:27Oh!
14:33Oh!
14:33Oh, God!
14:34Susie,
14:35this is Tim.
14:38Sorry if we startled you.
14:40Oh, uh...
14:42That's okay.
14:43I...
14:43I just didn't expect
14:45to see anybody up
14:46at a quarter to one.
14:47Oh, Susie,
14:48you should have come out tonight.
14:50I met Tim here
14:52at the Island's Bar,
14:53and he introduced me
14:54to this crazy drink
14:56at the dirty volcano.
14:58Oh!
15:00And then we danced,
15:01and he dipped me.
15:04Sophie's very limber.
15:07Um, Mom,
15:08could I just talk to you
15:10in the family room
15:10for a minute?
15:11Oh, sure.
15:12Susan is your daughter?
15:15Yep.
15:16No, she can't be.
15:18Yes.
15:19No.
15:19Yeah?
15:20No!
15:20Yeah?
15:21No!
15:22Okay, we get it.
15:24She looks young.
15:30Oh, man has magic fingers.
15:32What are you doing?
15:33I have a teenage daughter
15:34in the house.
15:35You can't just bring
15:35strange men you meet
15:36in bars here
15:37in the middle of the night.
15:38I just haven't few laughs.
15:40What's the big deal?
15:41Look, I know you're
15:42trying to get over Morty,
15:43but this is not the way
15:44to do it,
15:44so can you please
15:45just go out there
15:46and tell him to go home?
15:47You know how blue I've been.
15:50Why can't you be supportive?
15:51I have been plenty supportive.
15:52No, you haven't.
15:53You really haven't.
15:55Now, Tim is my guest,
15:57and he will go home
15:58when I say so.
16:02If he's not gone
16:03in five minutes,
16:04I'm going to go out there
16:05and tell him exactly
16:06how old you really are.
16:16Tim, it's time for me
16:18to go sleepy-bye.
16:29Delfino.
16:32Yeah.
16:34He must be Sullivan.
16:38The file on Noah's daughter.
16:41Yeah, he said you had some leads.
16:44Yeah, sure.
16:45We got some leads.
16:47Is there a problem?
16:49Gee, I don't know.
16:51I'm handing a confidential
16:52police report over
16:53to a killer and drug dealer.
16:56Why should that be a problem?
17:02Thanks.
17:04Is this what our justice system
17:06has come to?
17:06Guys like you
17:07walking the streets
17:08without a care in the world?
17:11I did my time.
17:12Not nearly enough,
17:13you piece of garbage.
17:19You know,
17:19I'm glad we had
17:20the chance to meet.
17:23Because apparently
17:23I'm no longer
17:24a murder suspect,
17:25thanks to you.
17:27So I don't want
17:27to seem ungrateful.
17:29But just out of curiosity,
17:31how much does it cost
17:32to buy off
17:33a homicide detective
17:34these days?
17:40Thanks again.
17:43Hey, Delfino,
17:44one more thing.
18:03Now, this file
18:04was misplaced.
18:07Understand?
18:09If even a whisper
18:11of this gets traced
18:12back to me,
18:13there will be
18:14one less cop killer
18:15on the street.
18:23For God's sakes,
18:25he'll get any blood
18:26on the file.
18:53Ma'am,
18:55I'm sorry,
18:56but your credit card
18:56has been declined.
18:58What?
19:00Oh, no,
19:00that's impossible.
19:01It's a new card.
19:02I just went shopping
19:03with it.
19:04Try it again.
19:05Ma'am,
19:06I ran it three times
19:07and then I called the bank.
19:09Now, may I try
19:10another card?
19:12Of course you may.
19:13Will you just
19:14give me a moment?
19:22Hello?
19:24It's me.
19:25I've been trying
19:25to call you,
19:26but you turned
19:26your cell off.
19:27Because I'm in
19:28a lovely restaurant
19:28having a lovely meal
19:29that I now
19:30can't pay for.
19:31Did you order already?
19:32I ate already.
19:34Look,
19:34the credit card company
19:35called my mom.
19:36I mean,
19:36they said that there
19:37was unusual activity
19:38on my card.
19:39I bought shoes.
19:40Well,
19:40I didn't know that,
19:41you know,
19:41and then my mom
19:41started asking
19:42all these questions,
19:43so I just blurted out
19:44that the card was stolen
19:45and she canceled it.
19:46Why would they call
19:47your parents
19:47as your account?
19:49They co-signed for it.
19:51Look,
19:52if you just explain
19:53to the waiter.
19:53What?
19:54That the credit card
19:55was canceled
19:56by my lover's mommy?
19:57What other options
19:58do you have?
19:59Unless you return
20:00the shoes
20:00and get the money back.
20:01Return the shoes?
20:03I can't talk to you
20:04when you're being hysterical.
20:08So, ma'am,
20:09what would you like
20:10to do about the bill?
20:25Afternoon.
20:26I've got a package
20:26for your neighbor,
20:27Karen McCluskey.
20:28Man signing?
20:29Well, isn't she home?
20:30She usually never goes anywhere.
20:31No one answered.
20:33All right.
20:38Okay.
20:51So, let me get this straight.
20:53You play tennis,
20:54you know wine,
20:56and you speak Mandarin.
20:58Does every other man
20:59in the world
21:00want you dead?
21:01Well, I'm not that impressive.
21:03I pulled a gray hair
21:05out of my chest this morning.
21:07I don't know.
21:08I'd watch your back.
21:09Hmm.
21:11You know,
21:12I've really enjoyed
21:12talking to you.
21:14You, uh,
21:17well, you made my day.
21:19I was thinking
21:20if you'd like
21:20to get together again.
21:24Well, Sam,
21:25to tell you the truth,
21:26I'm kind of
21:26in a relationship right now.
21:28I just wanted to be honest.
21:30It's perfectly okay, Tina.
21:34By the way,
21:36this is on me.
21:37Oh, no, you shouldn't.
21:39Oh, please.
21:41It's my pleasure.
21:49This is gonna be a disaster.
21:51It'll be fine.
21:52It'll be fine.
21:54Andrew?
21:55Honey, hurry up.
21:56Dinner's ready.
21:57It's like we're
21:58setting a trap for him.
21:59It's for his own good.
22:01You'll see.
22:03It smells good.
22:05What are we having?
22:06I'm making homemade bratwurst
22:08with sweet and sour cabbage.
22:10It's a recipe I found
22:11in an old German cookbook.
22:15I'll get the door.
22:16Honey, why don't you
22:17pour the wine?
22:21Isn't Danielle
22:22spending the night
22:23at Wendy's?
22:24I believe she is.
22:25Well, then why did Mom
22:26set the table
22:27for four places?
22:29Huh?
22:30Uh, I asked
22:31who's coming for dinner.
22:34Andrew,
22:35you remember
22:36Reverend Sykes,
22:36don't you?
22:38Oh, come on.
22:40Um, Reverend,
22:41why don't you
22:41have a seat
22:42and I will get
22:43some refreshments.
22:46Ah.
22:48So,
22:49Andrew,
22:51it's been a long time.
22:53Yes.
22:54Yes, it has.
22:56Would you like
22:56some water?
22:57I have flat or bubbly.
22:58Oh, bubbly, please.
23:00Sue,
23:02your mother tells me
23:04you've started having
23:05some sexual desires
23:06for other boys.
23:13I don't suppose
23:14I could get some of that.
23:15Nope.
23:16I'm going to need
23:17every drop.
23:20And over the years,
23:21we've had so many young people
23:23come to our ministry
23:25hating themselves
23:26for their unnatural desires,
23:28and within a few months,
23:29they've found
23:30an inner peace
23:30and a tranquility
23:32that is nothing
23:33short of miraculous.
23:34Oh.
23:35All it takes
23:36is a little faith
23:37and a desire
23:38to change.
23:39I'm sorry,
23:40but I really don't want
23:42to talk about
23:42my sex life.
23:44Well,
23:45that's just too bad
23:46because this needs
23:46to be discussed.
23:47Bree,
23:48please,
23:49let the boys speak.
23:50Go on.
23:52Well,
23:52I appreciate
23:53your offer to help.
23:54I do,
23:55but
23:56I don't hate myself.
23:58So,
23:59I'm good.
24:01Son,
24:02I know what it's like
24:02to be a teenager.
24:03It's a very confusing time.
24:05I'm not confused.
24:07I know exactly
24:09who I am.
24:15Well,
24:17if you ever do want to talk,
24:19my door is always open.
24:27Reverend,
24:27I don't mean to criticize,
24:29but
24:30it sounds like
24:31you're giving up.
24:33We can't force him
24:34on a path of righteousness.
24:36He himself
24:37has got to want
24:38to make the journey.
24:40Well,
24:40then what do we do?
24:41Just stand by
24:42while he starts
24:42dating boys?
24:44And by the way,
24:45the correct word
24:45is not gay.
24:46It's sodomy.
24:47We're in the middle
24:47of dinner.
24:48So?
24:48So can you at least
24:49wait till dessert
24:50before calling our son
24:51a sodomite?
24:52How you can sit there
24:52and be so casual
24:53is beyond me.
24:54For starters,
24:55I knew this dinner
24:55was a bad idea
24:56the moment you suggested it.
24:58Well,
24:58at least I'm trying
24:59to be proactive.
25:00Please,
25:00there's no need
25:01to get upset.
25:01I am upset
25:02because there is
25:03a problem here
25:03and no one
25:04seems to notice it
25:04but me.
25:05As far as I'm concerned,
25:06if Andrew is happy
25:07with who he is,
25:08then it is our job
25:09to support him.
25:19your father is into S&M.
25:21Bree!
25:22He makes me beat him
25:23with a riding crop
25:24and I let him.
25:25It's no wonder
25:25you're perverted.
25:26Look who your parents are.
25:35excuse me.
25:39What a fun night.
25:41You know,
25:41we should really do this
25:42again sometime.
26:00Hey!
26:02Hey!
26:03Good news!
26:05I know why you've been
26:06so furious at me.
26:07I haven't been furious at you.
26:08Well, yes you have
26:10and I don't blame you.
26:11Men have been coming
26:12on to me
26:13from left and right
26:14and I just,
26:15I've been having
26:16so much fun
26:16and just enjoying life
26:18and, well,
26:19what do I do?
26:19I throw it right
26:20in your face.
26:21I'd hate me too.
26:23Mom,
26:23I don't hate you.
26:25Well,
26:26be that as it may,
26:27from here on out,
26:28I'm including you
26:29and all the fun.
26:30The fun.
26:31Mm-hmm.
26:32Your mother's come through.
26:34What have you done?
26:36You and I
26:37are going on
26:37a double date tonight.
26:38What?
26:39Tim has a friend
26:40from the box factory
26:41and I thought
26:42the four of us
26:42could hang out,
26:43have a few drinks
26:44and more d'oeuvres
26:45and...
26:45I got it.
26:46What, Susie?
26:47Mom, I'm sorry.
26:48I'm just not in the mood
26:49to hang out these days.
26:50Susie, sweetie,
26:51please,
26:52I can't cancel now.
26:53Oh, of course you can.
26:54Just call him up
26:55and tell him
26:56not to come over.
27:02Tim.
27:03Oh, hi, Susie.
27:05Hey, this is,
27:05this is my buddy,
27:06Lamont.
27:07I brought peppermint schnapps.
27:22I'm sure she's fine.
27:24She never leaves
27:26her mail sitting out there.
27:27I mean,
27:28how many times
27:29has she thrown
27:29hours away
27:30because we didn't
27:30pick it up
27:31the second it came?
27:32That would be five.
27:33I don't know, Tom.
27:35I think something's
27:36happened to her.
27:36Okay, so go over
27:37and check on her.
27:38But if I'm wrong,
27:40then I'm sucked
27:40into a two-hour
27:41conversation about
27:43bunions.
27:43Don't go check on her.
27:44But six months
27:45from now
27:45when they find
27:46her mummified corpse
27:47at the bottom
27:47of the basement stairs,
27:49what do I tell the kids?
27:49Oh, yeah,
27:50I let Mrs. McCluskey die.
27:52Yeah, and why
27:52would they care?
27:53Like they're gonna miss
27:54the dry-cleaning coupon
27:55she hands out
27:56on Halloween.
27:57Oh, Tom.
27:58Listen, honey,
28:00what can I say?
28:01You're damned if you do,
28:01you're damned if you don't,
28:02so, uh,
28:04good luck with that.
28:06Honey, I'm hating you
28:07a little bit right now.
28:14Hi, honey.
28:15Look at my new shoes.
28:17Yeah.
28:18Aren't they gorgeous?
28:19Honey, I'm trying
28:19to watch the game.
28:23Sorry.
28:29How'd you buy new shoes?
28:31Shh, talk later.
28:33You're watching the game.
28:34No, I want to talk
28:35about it now.
28:36You don't have any money,
28:37so what's the story?
28:38Oh, you've heard it before.
28:40Girl meets boy,
28:41boy buys girl things,
28:43girl leaves happy.
28:44What did you do?
28:45You know, I forgot
28:46how generous men could be.
28:48I also forgot
28:49I have options.
28:50A whole bunch of them.
28:52What the hell
28:52are you talking about?
28:53I don't need
28:53your credit cards, Carlos,
28:54and I don't need
28:55your money,
28:56but if our marriage
28:57is going to work,
28:58I need your respect.
29:00I'm not ripping up
29:00the post number.
29:01Yes, you are,
29:03because if you don't,
29:04I'm going to put on
29:05my new shoes
29:06and walk out the door.
29:09Are you threatening me?
29:10No, I'm just pointing
29:11something out.
29:12I'm a pretty girl,
29:14and pretty girls
29:15are never lonely.
29:25What?
29:29Oh!
29:32Stop.
29:33I'm really ticklish.
29:35Oh, shit, shit.
29:36So, um,
29:37children's books, right?
29:39Don't.
29:40Well, I hope you know
29:41how lucky you are.
29:42Not everyone gets
29:43to realize their bliss.
29:45Yeah, it can be rewarding.
29:49Why don't you join me?
29:54No.
29:56I'm really ticklish.
29:58Come on!
30:00What's wrong?
30:01For God's sake,
30:02Tim, she's ticklish.
30:03How many times
30:04do you have to be told?
30:05No.
30:06This is so much fun.
30:07Come on, let's find
30:08another CD.
30:10Another.
30:11Don't you think
30:12it's getting a little late?
30:13Come on!
30:15You haven't even
30:16finished your schnapps.
30:25The perfect capper
30:26to the perfect evening.
30:27So, good night.
30:29It's been lovely,
30:30and, Lamont,
30:32good luck
30:32with all your inventions.
30:33What?
30:34It's only 11.30.
30:36I want to hit the club.
30:38I know a great place
30:39just off the interstate.
30:40Come on.
30:41Let's warm up
30:41the old doorway.
30:42Come on, move it!
30:45You are not getting
30:46in a car alone
30:47with those two.
30:48You barely know them.
30:49I have great instincts
30:50about people.
30:51I always have.
30:52Susie, you know that.
30:53You've been married
30:54four times.
30:55Yes, but twice
30:57to the same guy.
30:58I...
31:00Mother!
31:02Susie, please.
31:03You are embarrassing me.
31:04Oh, I'm embarrassing you?
31:06Yes.
31:06Then I've had it.
31:08All night long
31:09I've been trying
31:09to get you
31:09to something so crappy,
31:11and you refuse
31:12to let me help.
31:14Oh, and your idea
31:15of helping
31:16is letting Tim
31:17just grope you?
31:18Hey, you shouldn't
31:19talk to your mother
31:20like that.
31:21She's a fine lady.
31:22Tim, could you
31:23just stay out of it?
31:23Yeah, mind your own business.
31:26Yeah, what's your problem, pal?
31:27Dude, you were
31:28feeling up her mother.
31:29It pissed me off, too.
31:30Come on, Susie.
31:32Let's go back inside.
31:34Let's go back inside?
31:35Lamont, give it up.
31:36You're not getting any.
31:40Why are you being this way?
31:42Just...
31:43I'm just trying
31:43to lighten things up.
31:45If you stop acting
31:46like tonight
31:46was about helping me,
31:48you wanted to go out
31:49and have fun,
31:49and Lamont over there
31:50needed a date.
31:51That's not true.
31:52No, yes, it is.
31:56Okay, fine.
31:57It's true.
31:58I wanted to get out
31:59and have fun.
32:00Why shouldn't I?
32:01You know how depressed
32:02I've been over
32:03my breakup with Morty.
32:04Yeah, I do.
32:05And that's what makes
32:06me so crazy.
32:07You know, the difference
32:07between you and I,
32:08that you could be
32:09heartbroken,
32:10and you can just
32:11move on,
32:12and I...
32:14am just broken.
32:21I know, you're sad.
32:23No, Mom.
32:24I'm not sad.
32:26And I'm not crabby.
32:28I'm devastated.
32:30And you keep acting
32:31like all I need
32:32is a couple of aspirin.
32:34Morty was just one guy
32:36in a series of guys for you.
32:38And Mike...
32:41he was the one.
32:45Why don't you get that?
32:58It's Lynette.
33:02Hello?
33:06Mrs. McCluskey?
33:10Mrs. McCluskey?
33:12You all right?
33:13How did you get in here?
33:14Uh, Mr. Mullins
33:16had a spare.
33:19Why didn't you open the door?
33:20Because I was hoping
33:21that you'd go away.
33:25Have you been taking
33:25your arthritis medication?
33:27I don't need to.
33:28Sometimes the pain
33:29goes away by itself.
33:30Uh-huh.
33:32Is that why you didn't
33:33open the door?
33:34Because of your hands?
33:38Mrs. McCluskey,
33:39do you have anyone
33:40that could help you out?
33:41A relative?
33:42A friend?
33:44I'm fine.
33:48Okay.
33:53Okay.
33:55Uh, before you go,
33:58open these, would you,
33:59and put out the pills?
34:03Yeah.
34:05And don't get your hands
34:06all over them.
34:07God knows what your kids
34:08have picked up.
34:08Last thing I need
34:09is a case of pink eye.
34:12You're a piece of work,
34:13you know that?
34:15Well, this is crazy.
34:16Why'd they give you
34:16childproof caps?
34:18Yeah.
34:18First thing tomorrow,
34:19I'm taking you to the pharmacy
34:20and we'll get you new bottles.
34:22Don't do me any favors.
34:23You don't even like me.
34:24I don't want you doing anything
34:25because you feel obligated.
34:27Let me tell you something.
34:27Half of life is obligations.
34:30You don't want to go to
34:31your husband's company
34:32Christmas party,
34:33but you do.
34:34You don't want to sell candy
34:35so your kid's band
34:36can buy piccolos,
34:37but you do it.
34:38You attend your third
34:39cousin's wedding.
34:40You pick up the dry cleaning.
34:41That's life.
34:42It's obligations.
34:44And you are now
34:45my obligation.
34:46So tomorrow morning,
34:47I'll pick you up
34:48and we'll go to the pharmacy.
34:49Gee, I'm touched
34:50by your outpouring
34:51of compassion.
34:52We don't have to be friends,
34:55but we're two human beings
34:57living on the same piece of earth.
34:59We can at least try
35:00and help each other out
35:01once in a while.
35:07You know what?
35:12I am going to take this.
35:16Fine.
35:17I'll see you tomorrow morning.
35:19Pick me up at nine.
35:21And don't be late.
35:30Andrew, come here.
35:31I want you to see this.
35:36Um, what are you looking at?
35:38I'm looking at your baby pictures.
35:42Look at that one.
35:45How old was I there?
35:46Just four weeks old.
35:57I never told you this,
35:58but when I gave birth to you,
36:00there were complications.
36:03The umbilical cord
36:05wrapped around your neck
36:06and you stopped breathing.
36:08The room got very quiet
36:11and I knew you were in trouble.
36:13So I turned to the doctor
36:15and I very calmly said
36:16that he was not to worry about me,
36:18that his job
36:19was to save your life.
36:21When I say I would die for you,
36:25that's not an expression.
36:28I mean it.
36:31Yeah.
36:31Well, um...
36:34I'm going to go eat my sandwich.
36:37Andrew, please,
36:39just go and talk to Reverend Sykes.
36:41Oh, for God's sakes.
36:41He can counsel you.
36:43It can help.
36:44Mom, I don't need any help.
36:46All right?
36:46I'm fine.
36:48Why do you keep going on about this?
36:50Because if you don't change who you are,
36:52then you won't go to heaven.
37:01You, um...
37:02You don't think I'll go to heaven?
37:06No, I don't.
37:08And I need you there.
37:10I would be so lonely without you.
37:19Well, I guess I better go talk to Reverend Sykes.
37:26Andrew, thank you so much.
37:27You don't know how much that means to me.
37:35Oh, my gosh.
37:38Uh, are you okay?
37:39Oh, yeah.
37:40I just, uh, fell down the stairs.
37:42I'm fine.
37:43What's up?
37:44Susan still loves you.
37:48Wow.
37:49Um, okay.
37:52Look, this is just not a good time for this conversation.
37:54She just misses you so much.
37:57Sophie, I just found out that someone I was very close to is dead.
38:01I really got to figure out what I'm going to do,
38:03so I just don't have time to think about Susan right now.
38:06She's just very, very unhappy, and if you could just...
38:09I really don't.
38:12Sorry.
38:14Sorry.
38:44I really don't know.
38:52I swear before Almighty God, I won't reveal a word that's said here today.
38:59Now, what's on your mind?
39:03Well, here's the thing.
39:05I lied to my parents.
39:07I'm not gay.
39:09You're not?
39:10Not really.
39:13Look, all I know is I wanted to get the hell out of that camp.
39:17So, I lied to my parents, and I told them that I was really worried,
39:21that I was having feelings for other guys,
39:23and they did exactly what I wanted them to.
39:27They are such tools.
39:29I'm sorry.
39:29Just so I'm clear.
39:31Are you a heterosexual, or aren't you?
39:35Look, I love vanilla ice cream, okay?
39:40But every now and then, I'm probably going to be in the mood for chocolate.
39:44You know what I'm saying?
39:48I do, but God would prefer you stick to the vanilla.
39:53I don't believe in God.
39:55You don't?
39:57No.
39:58I'm sorry.
40:01You know, your mother's going to be devastated.
40:04She's been praying so hard for you to change.
40:06Well, that's the good news.
40:08I am going to change.
40:10Big time.
40:11I'm not sure I follow.
40:13I don't know.
40:17You know what my mom said to me last night?
40:20She said she doesn't think I'm going to heaven.
40:24Can you believe that?
40:27I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but the only way you can know paradise is by repenting
40:33your sins.
40:38When she said that to me, it suddenly hit me how I was going to get back at her.
40:44From now on, I'm going to be so good.
40:47I'm going to eat my vegetables.
40:50I'm going to get good grades.
40:52I'm going to say yes, ma'am, and no, ma'am.
40:54I'm going to make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle.
41:01Until one day, when she least expects it, I'm going to do something so awful that it's going to rock
41:10her world.
41:11I mean, it is really going to destroy her.
41:16When that day comes, trust me, I'll know paradise.
41:36Yes, life is a journey.
41:40One that is much better traveled with a companion by our side.
41:45Of course, that companion can be just about anyone.
41:50Miss McCluskey!
41:52We're going to be late for the doctor!
41:55A neighbor on the other side of the street.
41:57I'm coming, jeez.
41:58Hold your water.
42:03There you go.
42:05No more post-nut.
42:06Or the man on the other side of the bed.
42:15The companion can be a mother with good intentions.
42:18Thank you for a wonderful service, reverend.
42:21Thank you so much for me.
42:22Or a child who's up to no good.
42:26Very inspirational.
42:33Still, despite our best intentions, some of us will lose our companions along the way.
42:48You see, human beings are designed for many things, but loneliness isn't one of them.
43:23Do you either?
43:25Or something is a test Certificate order for!
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