The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:00Who you with?
00:18How's it going?
00:21Come on, let's see.
00:28Hey, mother's name, RCU Stacy.
00:32They bet I do a criminal background check.
00:37Father or guardian, Bernard McCullough. Why you put that?
00:41It's your name, isn't it?
00:43Don't nobody know Bernard McCullough, but everybody know Bernie Mac.
00:47You gotta know how to use the angles. That's the name of the game.
00:50I thought the idea was to get in on my own, Mary.
00:54And I don't want to use any angles.
00:57Honey, she's right.
00:59So, Nessa, what are you gonna write your essay about?
01:03I don't know yet. It's supposed to be a personal statement.
01:06Well, you personally know Bernie Mac.
01:09A lot of kids can't claim that.
01:14America, you know me.
01:16And I don't usually like to play the Mac man card, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
01:21And I'm desperate to get at least one of these kids out of my house.
01:26Damn.
01:28Hey!
01:29Come on, let's go, dinner!
01:31Let's go!
01:32Come on, let's go!
01:35Hey, baby, drop it like it's hot.
01:38Come get it while it's hot.
01:40Honey, it smells fabulous, but I gotta go. I'm in a rush.
01:43What?
01:44Yeah, honey, I'm going to that sales conference at the Westin.
01:47Babe, I gotta roast serve for six. Me plus four. Come on, now!
01:51Oh, and you know what? Don't wait on the kids.
01:53Jordan has play rehearsal, Brianna has soccer, and Vanessa's having a salad in her room.
01:57Fine. I ain't dinner by my doggone self.
02:00I ain't got to worry about nobody belching at the doggone table, chewing with their mouth wide open,
02:05and sitting up there a man grabbing without asking.
02:08I'll have me a nice, quiet dinner in a civilized atmosphere.
02:11Then where you going?
02:12Then we'll find a TV. Where else?
02:21I'm hungry. I need dinner.
02:23You have a thing to call?
02:25Sorry.
02:27Here. You're a big girl.
02:30Eat it yourself.
02:48I hear that silly thing. You best not beatin' my fuzz strips.
02:53What's up?
02:55Lord!
02:56Now, baby girl know better than put an aluminum foil in the microwave.
02:59She ain't got the sense God gave a pigeon.
03:07I hear that.
03:12I can't do it.
03:13I do it.
03:13I can't do it.
03:15I can't do it.
03:18Wait a minute.
03:18I can't do it.
03:18I can't do it.
03:26I can't do it.
03:36Mrs. Mack, would you like to bring your children up now?
03:40They're not my children.
03:42You can take them anywhere.
03:44Children?
03:57What are we supposed to do up here?
04:00Act sad or something.
04:04Uncle Bernie! Uncle Bernie!
04:07He can't hear you. He's dead.
04:09But I need sour cream.
04:17I mean, he looks good. He did a good job. He looks so lifelike.
04:22Yeah, except his gums aren't flapping.
04:25I don't think I've ever seen him this quiet.
04:27It's actually kind of nice.
04:31Well, I'm out of here.
04:39Thanks for the escalade.
04:43Oh.
04:47You don't need this where you're going.
04:49Might burn up.
04:54Go ahead. Take my chain.
04:56I'm still gonna haunt you.
05:10Is he dead?
05:11Should I poke him?
05:12No, he's still breathing.
05:14Uncle Bernie?
05:16Uncle Bernie?
05:17He's coming to you, he's coming to you.
05:18What's wrong?
05:19Is he sick?
05:24Oh, angels.
05:28My darling angels.
05:30He's delusional.
05:35Oh.
05:40Mr. Mack.
05:41Mr. Mack.
05:43Mr. Mack, I'm going to take your blood pressure.
05:47Oh.
05:48Did you see the angels?
05:50Pupils are slightly dilated.
05:53Oh.
05:54BP's 100 over 60.
05:56Mr. Mack.
05:57Angel.
05:58Mr. Mack, do you feel any pain?
06:00Do you feel the pain?
06:03Oh, the kids are angels.
06:07I knew they were angels.
06:10He's in shock.
06:11Mr. Mack.
06:12Mr. Mack, do you know what day it is?
06:14Don't you know what day it is?
06:17It's my birthday.
06:18I've been reborn.
06:20I know what's going on now.
06:22They say they're going to angels.
06:24I've been angels all for telling you about them.
06:27America, they're birthday's angels.
06:29And it's my birthday.
06:40All right, honey, here we go.
06:44Here we go.
06:45Where are they?
06:47Honey, are you okay?
06:48I'm fine.
06:48I just want to see them.
06:49Oh, look.
06:49There they are.
06:54Uncle Bernie, are you okay?
06:57I'm nothing.
06:59I'm fine.
07:01Thank you so much for asking.
07:03You're such a caring person.
07:06And thank you for saving my life.
07:09Does it hurt Uncle Bernie?
07:11Maybe he'll develop superpowers like Incredible Hulk when he was exposed to gamma radiation.
07:16Have you experienced any changes?
07:17Like what?
07:18I don't know.
07:19Like maybe his bedpan is sticking to his butt like a magnet.
07:24Oh, you're such a funny little lad.
07:27You have a clever mind.
07:30Promise me you won't ever change.
07:32Promise me.
07:33Bernie won't ever change.
07:34I promise.
07:36Oh, my little angel.
07:38Don't hit me, Uncle Bernie.
07:40I didn't mean to kill you.
07:41Please don't be mad.
07:42No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:44I'm not mad.
07:45You're my little angel.
07:48Oh, you're all my angel.
07:51Your precious in my face.
07:55Oh, that's sweet, honey.
07:56All right, someone's had a long day.
07:58Let's let your uncle get some air.
08:00Come on, honey.
08:00Let him go.
08:02Come on, lean on me.
08:03Come on.
08:04I love you.
08:05Let's see what the doctor said.
08:07I think that's shock Friday's brain.
08:10Okay.
08:12Yeah, deep front.
08:15America, I could have died tonight.
08:17And what if I did?
08:19Who teach those kids?
08:21I'm the only father figure they got.
08:23And Jordan, he's only 13.
08:25Who's going to teach them how to drive?
08:27And what about Nessa?
08:28I'm supposed to be the one she's watching to learn how to choose a husband.
08:31And I don't know if you know this, America.
08:34She's not watching me yet.
08:36And baby girl.
08:38There's so much baby girl don't know.
08:41America, I don't have a moment to lose.
08:44Now, Jordan, each layer of meat is separated by the cheese.
08:50Turkey, Swiss.
08:52Ham, provolone.
08:56Corned beef, mustard.
08:59Now, there's a mac sandwich right there.
09:03It's huge.
09:05Now, remember, the key is mustard.
09:07Life is too short for cheap mustard.
09:12Hey, Nessa, want me to teach you how to make a mac sandwich?
09:16Um, I'm good, thanks.
09:18Once you forgetting to say something to me?
09:21Goodbye.
09:22No, I love you.
09:24If I could teach you kids one thing, that's to always say I love you.
09:29Because you never thought you were going to get another chance.
09:36I love them.
09:38And I love you too.
09:40I love you.
09:42You have a glass of water, a fork, and a cucumber.
09:46Now, which one of these three items does not belong in the microwave?
09:52Well, no one likes our cucumbers.
10:00You tighten the lug nuts in a star pattern.
10:03You hear that, Jordan?
10:04A star pattern.
10:05Now, don't forget that.
10:07What's a star pattern?
10:08Well, it's easy.
10:08It's just like this.
10:09No, no, no, no, no.
10:10Listen, Jordan, this is very heavy.
10:12What is it?
10:13Every other nut.
10:15Microwave popcorn.
10:17Food in a microwave-safe container.
10:20Or a fork.
10:28You got your gators.
10:29You got your crease and your britches.
10:31Now, there you go.
10:32That's Chi-Tai.
10:33That's how we do it, boy.
10:35They used to tell me,
10:36Bernie Mac, you crazy.
10:37You can't put your sweat inside your slacks.
10:39Who crazy now?
10:41Start tucking.
10:43Now, make sure your T-shirt is even, okay?
10:46And when you tuck your sweater in,
10:48make sure that everything,
10:49you don't have no bowls in the back.
10:51You look like you can't be washed away.
10:52That's what my way you just ask me.
10:55And I say it's taking him so long
10:58Cause we've got so far to come
11:04The bowl's in foil!
11:07Yes!
11:08Why can't they say that, hey?
11:22You see, son,
11:23jazz is not like all the other music.
11:25It feeds the mind and riches the soul.
11:29Joy, when I think that I might have passed from this earth
11:33and never introduce you to the joy of Coltrade,
11:35I just...
11:37Uncle Bernie, can I borrow some of your CDs?
11:39I'd like to continue enriching my soul in my room.
11:42Of course you can.
11:44Oh, thank you, Uncle Bernie.
11:46Oh, wait.
11:47That boombox in my room?
11:49The bass is broken in the left speaker.
11:52I guess I just can't hear the bass.
11:54What?
11:55Are you crazy?
11:57That's Charles Mingus, man.
11:59You've got to hear the bass.
12:00You've got to smell the funk, baby.
12:02Oh, we'll get you a new boombox.
12:04Oh, thank you, Uncle Bernie.
12:06You're welcome.
12:18Baby girl, baby girl.
12:20Please wake up, baby girl.
12:21Wake up, wake up.
12:22Do you know why I keep my gun?
12:24You have a gun?
12:27No, never mind.
12:28Go back to sleep.
12:34Ooh, ooh, Nessa.
12:36You got some mail here.
12:38Stanford University.
12:39Baby.
12:40Hold on, wait a minute.
12:41No.
12:41Join us.
12:42Stanford, meet and greet.
12:43Can I help?
12:44Meet the representatives from Stanford University.
12:47Seize the Stanford spirit.
12:49Oh, Nessa, you got a chance to score some points.
12:52Oh, we're going to this.
12:54We?
12:54Yeah, it says Vanessa, Tompkins, and family.
12:58I'm family.
13:00Can I have my mail?
13:02Mm-hmm.
13:04You know, Nessa, you could really learn a lot from me if you wasn't so hard-headed.
13:12I love you.
13:16I do.
13:18She's a tough nut to crack, America, but I'll get through to her, just like I got through
13:24to the boy.
13:25He's soaking it up like a sponge.
13:26I want a punch, uncle.
13:27Go.
13:34Let me love.
13:35Who?
13:35Who?
13:36That's me.
13:37Let me love.
13:38Let me love.
13:38What size playin'.
13:39That's me doin' it, doin' it.
13:41Rhyme, rhyme, say it.
13:42Come get me, girl.
13:43Oh.
13:44Wee.
13:44Uh-huh.
13:44I'm gonna make it happy, girl.
13:59Hey, Nessa?
14:00No, I am not done.
14:02I haven't even started, so stop asking.
14:05What was I gonna ask you about your essay?
14:08I wanted you to have this.
14:10What is it?
14:13I was watching Oprah.
14:15Last night, she had a lady on there that was dying of cancer.
14:18So she made her daughter tape to share all her life wisdom.
14:24So this is my gift to you.
14:26Just one in many.
14:29You watch Oprah?
14:31Religiously.
14:49All right, Nessa, here we are.
14:52Go on over there and introduce yourself.
14:53Go ahead.
14:54They're talking.
14:55They'll be talking to you if you'll go over there.
14:56Come on, I'll go with you.
14:57No.
14:58I'll do it by myself.
15:00Okay.
15:05What do I say?
15:06Just go over there and stretch your stuff and do the Bernie Mac five step.
15:10The what?
15:12The Bernie Mac five step.
15:13On the tape I showed you.
15:14You did watch the tape, didn't you?
15:18She didn't watch the tape, America.
15:20You remember that Bernie Mac card I told you about?
15:22I'm about to play it.
15:25Nice to meet you.
15:29Oh, man, am I glad that's over.
15:30Let's go.
15:31Okay, you get to the con, we'll use the bathroom.
15:33I don't know.
15:40Hey, you get it.
15:42All right.
15:43A perfect martini.
15:45But when you grow up, you use gin instead of soda.
15:51What's wrong, Jordan?
15:52Drink up.
15:55It's just I'm worried about losing your convert, am I?
15:58What if I do?
16:00Who would teach me that?
16:03Uncle Bernie, would you make me tapes?
16:06You want tapes?
16:08I'll make you a hundred of tapes.
16:10Jordan, I'll teach you everything I know.
16:12You would do that for me?
16:15I'll be honest.
16:17Thank you, Uncle Bernie, but I'm just worried about the VHS format.
16:21I'm worried it'll cost a lead.
16:26You think about that, Jordan?
16:28I know.
16:30This is one of Oprah's favorite things.
16:33Entirely digital.
16:34You can load them onto this and watch them forever.
16:37Oh, thank you, Uncle Bernie.
16:39You're welcome.
16:39Is this a sexy gig?
16:42I love you.
16:45Jordan's tape number 34, Boxers or Briefs, part one.
16:51How could you?
16:52How could I what?
16:53I talked to my guidance counselor.
16:55You went behind my back and pulled your I'm Bernie Mac routine.
16:58Why would you do that to me?
17:00I was just trying to help.
17:02Well, I don't need your help.
17:03I don't need anything from you.
17:12Where'd you get that?
17:13Uncle Bernie gave it to me.
17:15Why?
17:16Because he's crazy.
17:17No, he's not.
17:19He's not?
17:19Then why does he walk around like this?
17:26When you poach an egg, don't use too much water.
17:29Always chum your nose here, it's counterclockwise.
17:32Oh, and low-snow-booth boy actually ain't cute.
17:37What?
17:44I tried to tell you.
17:49This tape is for you, America.
17:52Parenting tip number one.
17:54If you want to be happy, don't have kids.
18:00You know, honey, I'm just saying, I can help you with the essay.
18:03I'm a little concerned that you're kind of running out of time here.
18:06No, thanks.
18:07I'm not going to Stanford.
18:09Everybody knows I'm not smart enough to get in, so why pretend?
18:12Forget it.
18:13Oh, you don't believe that?
18:15And you know we don't believe that?
18:17Then why did Uncle Bernie go behind my back and practically bribe everybody to let me in?
18:25Hey, I don't know what your uncle did, but I know whatever he did, he did it because he believes
18:31in you.
18:33Yeah, right.
18:36You know what?
18:38Come with me.
18:40Come on.
18:42Come here, look at this.
18:44Your uncle has spent 30 hours making these tapes.
18:49Okay, now look.
18:51Moisturizing part one.
18:52You know there's a part two.
18:54Small engine repair.
18:56Tipping.
18:57Why?
18:58See, look at that.
19:00For my college graduate.
19:03Now does that sound like someone who doesn't believe in you?
19:10Hey.
19:13Hey.
19:15Hey, you don't have to say anything.
19:18Aunt Wanda already told me that you don't want to go to Stanford.
19:22Vanessa, I really feel you can get in there.
19:25But if you don't want to write the essay, no worries.
19:28No worries.
19:30Too late.
19:31I already finished it.
19:41Tell about the person who most influenced your life.
19:56That's what you want to say about me.
20:03Because I don't know what to say.
20:07I don't know how much I...
20:08I know, I know.
20:10Please don't say it again.
20:13All right.
20:15All right.
20:20Love you, too.
20:28America?
20:29Uncle Bernie.
20:31I came here to apologize like a man.
20:33Just like you taught me.
20:36I'm sorry.
20:38Oh, Jordan, that's okay.
20:40Will you still teach me?
20:42Of course I will.
20:44In fact, I got something I want to teach you right now.
20:48And that is, it's okay for a man to cry.
20:52Remember that.
20:53And that's why I'm giving this to your sister right now.
20:59You see, America, the boy's the last one.
21:02And I'll continue to teach these kids as long as they're continuing to teach you.
21:07Remember that.
21:09And shut up.
21:10Please, Uncle Bernie.
21:11Shut up.
21:12I should have fired on you when you were talking about behind my back.
21:15Sometimes you gotta let a person think they win it.
21:17Oh.
21:18He thought he had me.
21:20Yeah.
21:24You know what?
21:26I think it's time for me to teach you how to fix a flat tie.
21:29But...
21:29Come on, let's don't teach a flat tie.
21:32I love you.
21:33I love you.
21:33I love you.
21:37You want tapes?
21:38Yeah, I want tapes.
21:40I'll be born in heaven than making tapes.
21:43Really?
21:43You do that for me?
21:46You jumped my line.
21:47I ain't tell you what I'm gonna do.
21:48I'm sorry, everybody.
21:49I'm sorry.
21:50I'm sorry, everybody.
21:51I'm sorry, everybody.
21:52Noellevelce.
21:53Noellevelce.
21:59Noellevelce.
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