- 2 days ago
Last Of The Summer Wines S04 Ep5 Who Made A Bit Of A Splash In Wales Then
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00:13¶¶
00:35How long's Foggy been away?
00:37Four days.
00:39When's he due back?
00:40Oh, well, about ten days. Stop whittling. He's only just got there.
00:45He's supposed to de-marry you.
00:47Then she'll have to excel at knock-tying and map-reading.
00:51Yeah, well, you'd better watch out.
00:53Oh, don't panic. They just hold hands.
00:56Is that all?
00:57It gives them both the illusion of romance
01:01without any of the disadvantages of actually spending their lives together.
01:06Oh!
01:11I wish I'd just get me legs together.
01:16Oh!
01:35It was good of you to push my mother-in-law.
01:40I don't know why we come all this way just to stare at ducks. I don't really.
01:44But it's lovely out here, Nan.
01:46When you've seen one duck, you've seen them all.
01:48Especially from behind.
01:50I always think it's romantic out here.
01:54What are you thinking of? Staring out over the water with your soulful English eyes?
02:02I was wondering...
02:06If we took the break off your mother-in-law, would the water completely cover her chair?
02:13Come again?
02:14Well, I think it's a great idea.
02:16Ivy's got to visit her sister in Wales.
02:18So we could drive her down and leave her at her sister's for, say, what, 12, 15 months?
02:22Just a few hours will do, thank you.
02:25Anyway, we could drop her off at her sister's.
02:27And the three of us carry on the extra few miles, collect foggy.
02:30We could even spend the day with her.
02:32Then get my little woman here safely back.
02:34But not necessarily before closing time.
02:37Well, what are you driving me in?
02:39In the van.
02:40Oh, no, you're not.
02:41I'm not turning up the damn Maureen's being dropped off like a sack of spuds from that ratty old van.
02:46You can sit in the front.
02:48Oh, thank you very much.
02:50I can have the best spot, can I?
02:52Over the sunshine floor.
02:55Almost the last of the convertibles are, van.
02:58The roof stays put, being slapped back the floor damn near everywhere.
03:02Why don't we hire a car?
03:06Oh, well, I just thought I'd throw it in as an idea, you know.
03:14They're coming to collect me on Wednesday.
03:18They've hired a car.
03:20That's nice, love. I'd like to meet your friends.
03:23Ah, yes.
03:24Well, perhaps I thought to tell you about one of them.
03:27He's a bit, um...
03:28Oh, put down.
03:30Oh, he's quite happy.
03:31Oh, that's nice.
03:32Oh, he's perfectly happy.
03:33It's just the rest of us he makes miserable.
03:36Oh, I mean, what can you do?
03:37We're lumbered with him.
03:38You know how it is.
03:38You can't have him put down.
03:40Good heavens, no.
03:41No, I know.
03:42We made inquiries.
03:45Whatever you do, keep your eyes above his belt.
03:48Well, I've tried, no.
03:49Well, it's never advisable to look too closely at his trousers.
03:54I couldn't anyway, love.
03:57Not without my reading glasses.
03:59It's just that he's a bit careless about his buttons.
04:02Well, when I say careless, I mean criminally negligent.
04:07Try not to scream if you see anything move inside his trousers.
04:12See, he keeps ferrets in his pocket.
04:16I think the worst thing for a stranger is when he tries to feed them.
04:21Don't worry, love.
04:23I'm a widow, not a shy young girl like yourself.
04:28But she'll have to keep him away from your late husband's mother.
04:31Where is she?
04:32Having a lie down.
04:34She likes to close her eyes and sharpen her tongue in darkness.
04:38But what can you do?
04:39You can't have him put down.
04:42She doesn't like me.
04:44Well, if she's an old woman, love, give her time.
04:47Well, if she's an old woman, how much more time has she got?
04:50She could have years, yet.
04:52That's true.
04:54Greg?
04:55Are you there?
04:57Are you there?
04:59Yes, Nan, I'm here.
05:01What are you doing?
05:03Get a garden in, love.
05:11Hey, this is a bit of all right, Cleggie.
05:15I wonder how fast she'll go.
05:18Don't interrupt him while he's concentrating.
05:20He doesn't know where all the switches are yet.
05:22It's not the first car I've driven, you know.
05:27Well, that's the trouble with these hard cars.
05:30Some damned idiot's been confusing his gears.
05:34After this next car, Clegg, there's a gap after this next car.
05:36Is it all right?
05:37I can see it.
05:38Put your foot down, Cleggie.
05:47Some fools assembled this gearbox back to front.
05:51Some fools assembled you back to front.
05:54Look, after we've scraped that garage and tended off the pavement,
05:58why don't we go barbos?
06:23Let's go barbos.
06:39Where have you been?
06:40We've just had a slow-motion nightmare.
06:43Sure, you're all right.
06:45Isn't he a good driver?
06:47Good.
06:47I've never seen anyone take so much care.
06:49Oh, aye.
06:50It takes him 20 minutes to change gear.
06:53Well, I'm not going if he's not a good driver.
06:55Do you think I'd let you go with anyone that wasn't a good driver?
07:00Why don't you drive?
07:02Well, he's hired it.
07:03You mean you want to get tanked up while I'm at Maureen's?
07:06You know, sometimes I get this impression you don't actually trust me.
07:10Would you like it in writing?
07:12Man, it's only just an impression.
07:14There's nothing I can really put my finger on,
07:16which is not a bad description of our love life.
07:21Did you lock that back door?
07:23Oh, how are you?
07:24Go home.
07:26Hey, up.
07:27Here comes speedy Gonzales.
07:30It's just a matter of familiarising oneself with the control.
07:34Oh, aye.
07:34So we can go hurtling past parked cars at seven miles an hour.
07:38Keep your voice down.
07:40Try and think positively.
07:41We don't want any last-minute changes of plans, do we?
07:44Go with.
07:45Well, A, Ivy would be terribly disappointed.
07:48That's true.
07:49And B, I'd kill you.
07:50It's always interesting to hear the other person's point of view.
07:54No, I'm afraid I'm not too confident at the wheel.
07:57Well, my driving style belongs to a rather earlier age,
08:01a sort of quaint ye old English early suicidal.
08:05Well, now, proprietor, have we time for a cup of tea
08:08and some thin buttered toast before we head for the open road?
08:12Not really.
08:13Oh.
08:16Hey, up.
08:18That's looking very tasty, Ivy.
08:21You know, I get this sudden urge sometimes
08:23to run off with a married woman.
08:25Well, you're not running off with me.
08:28See, she won't even consider it.
08:34I like your hat, Ivy.
08:39You know, normally, I've always thought of your Ivy
08:42as a non-starter when it came to the romantic stakes.
08:45I mean, she stops about here in her apron full of garbage
08:49like being in the hospital.
08:50And then suddenly she is transformed.
08:53I can tell you, city,
08:55if I were an oil sheik,
08:56I'd have one like her on my domestic team.
08:59A good, solid lass that can hold a tackle.
09:02No!
09:30Oh, I could spend the rest of my life
09:33fixing your safe belt.
09:34Hey, give us a kiss.
09:37When you get in the car, let's be on our way.
09:44Oh, I could spend the rest of my life fixing it.
10:14Oh, I can't go through my life just thinking about yourself.
10:24I bet if you work on it, it's possible.
10:26But what about me?
10:27A few stolen moments off the leash.
10:29I mean, we paid for the car.
10:30I was hoping to get around some of them Welsh barmaids.
10:33All right, don't go to pieces.
10:35I suppose I'd best do it if you plan to use your time so productively.
10:41Oh, come on, Cleggie, get the finger out.
10:44Come on, then.
10:44We don't want to get behind schedule.
10:52Come on.
10:58Oh, my God.
11:34Here, get your finger off Llandudno.
11:37Finger marks.
11:39I thought it was a range of mountains.
11:41You were lost, aren't you?
11:43Come on, come on, admit it.
11:45You are lost.
11:47No, I am not lost entirely.
11:49I just wanted to calculate the most appropriate route.
11:53I've got this car sickness feeling.
11:55Quite magical.
11:58You missed your chip van?
12:00He's not fit to drive.
12:02I'm fit because I've paid.
12:04There's a book of roadmaps here.
12:07Don't spoil our fun, Ivy.
12:08It's more exciting by ordnance survey.
12:11Let me know, Ivy, if you want me to adjust your chastity belt.
12:15Get out.
12:16We've got to get ourselves orientated.
12:19Come on.
12:21We've got to line it up.
12:23Until the north of this map coincides with the north in reality.
12:29Welsh north?
12:30Well, it's the same north.
12:32A land of thin sliced hammered eternal lettuce.
12:35We had a kid in the army, what was Welsh?
12:38What does these things to people?
12:39I think the Jerry's took him prisoner.
12:41Well, they wouldn't know he wasn't English.
12:43Will you come along and grab hold of the map?
12:46You too, Sidney.
12:47Come on.
12:49Now move it around.
12:55Where is this north you think that it is about?
12:58Well, we've got to find the sun.
13:00And at this time of the day,
13:03north will be almost opposite the sun.
13:07What, down there?
13:09Do you think the north is down past the wellies?
13:12Kindly humour me by rotating the map.
13:22Hey.
13:24When you look at men,
13:26is it any wonder that some women prefer miniature poodles?
13:35This is almost better than knowing where we are.
13:38Just gently.
13:42There it is.
13:43I've seen it.
13:45Bangalore.
13:49We go straight on for three miles to the next major road,
13:53then we turn left.
14:03Oh, they're very late.
14:07You know, I thought Sid could have kept them on schedule.
14:10They can be handled,
14:11provided you always treat it as an exercise
14:13in the art of escorting prisoners.
14:16The scruffy one needs a very firm hand.
14:18Trouble with him is,
14:19there are so very few places you care to put it.
14:24What are you looking for?
14:25Oh, she wants some music.
14:27She can't find the tune her grandfather wrote.
14:30Oh, what a pity.
14:31Oh, it'll be here somewhere.
14:32Oh, that's a relief.
14:34Perhaps they won't have brought him.
14:36Oh, no, they would have brought him.
14:38You can't get rid of him.
14:39Oh, God, he'd be worth a thousand votes
14:41to the Welsh nationalists.
14:45Oh, come, she's got the rhythm, hasn't she?
14:47She does that entirely by ear.
14:50Yes, nun, what is it, love?
14:52It's, lady, sir.
14:56She says there's a car.
14:58Yeah, it's them.
15:00They're here.
15:01Look, go and head her off
15:03before the scruffy one gets out of the car.
15:11I'm telling you,
15:13it's that one next door.
15:16Ignore him, Clegg.
15:17He's the one you've just left.
15:18Will you make up your mind?
15:20He's the one you've just left.
15:22Oh, God.
15:24Oh, God.
15:27Oh, God.
15:28Oh, God.
15:30Oh, God.
15:39Oh, God.
15:53There you go then, Foggy!
15:59You're under observation.
16:01Plant talk without opening your mouth.
16:03You ever thought I'd sit in like this, Foggy?
16:06In Wales?
16:07Stay in your seats.
16:09Don't let him out.
16:11Quite an enjoyable run, really.
16:15You got any beer in, Foggy?
16:17I could murder a pint.
16:19Couldn't you have got him done up a bit?
16:22Well, we were only coming for the day.
16:23It hardly seemed worthwhile.
16:25I had a wash.
16:27Don't let him get out.
16:29And don't look now, but you're being observed
16:31from an upstairs window.
16:35God, that bird of yours, Foggy!
16:38She's horrible!
16:41She's a bit unsolid, Clint.
16:45That happens to be her mother-in-law.
16:49Now, Clegg, I'd like you to get this vehicle in off the street.
16:52Just reverse it into that driveway, and that should take us nicely out of her line of vision.
16:56Say no, Paul.
17:01It's not a very wide drive, Foggy.
17:06Oh, don't panic, man.
17:08Perfectly simple manoeuvre.
17:10Not to worry, Foggy.
17:11He should be able to hit that space between them gates.
17:15I mean, after all, he hit that cyclist, and you should have seen how small he was.
17:21It was great.
17:23It was great.
17:27What's next?
17:30Just sleeping.
17:37Alrighty.
17:42Take your time and wait.
18:00I can't see the, you see, I can't see the paint, but...
18:09Put a bit more snap into it, Clegg.
18:12In front of all these gelts. Damn it, there's a pair of irons behind every curtain.
18:17Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it!
18:39They're such a friends with you.
18:41They've been here. And there. And there. And there. And there.
18:49He's a bit heavy-footed, isn't he?
18:52Not a natural on the organ, that one, you shouldn't say that.
19:03Steady, Cleggie. Steady.
19:18Now, here, so the, er, the trick is plenty of left hand down.
19:24Throttle and clucks, throttle and clucks. There we are.
19:27All over somebody's front garden.
19:30He's done and tell us something.
19:33You can see what Foggy thinks of you a-driving.
19:37That is a wicked slander.
19:39The man is merely in the grip of some powerful emotion.
19:43The English are not as reserved as the world pretends.
19:51If there's anything we can do to help Foggy, don't hesitate to us.
19:57Yes. You can get your damned vehicle off my foot.
20:07Get it off!
20:09Well, it is good to see you.
20:12Hey, I had a terrible drive with those three lunatics.
20:15I don't think I've seen you since I've papered the lounge.
20:18There was one fool driving
20:19and another sat behind me breathing in me ear.
20:22Hope you like pale mustard.
20:24Wanting to adjust me safety belt.
20:26Now, in the question of how far you dare go with the carpet.
20:30Mind you, mine's just as vague and useless.
20:33It's a shack pile.
20:34Aren't they all?
20:39Did they go a funny collar?
20:41If he'd asked me to drive on his foot, I'd never have hit it.
20:47I'll say this for Foggy.
20:48He might act a bit Tory.
20:50But when the chips are down, he can swear as good as me any time.
20:55I thought a lot of it was unnecessary, especially in a built-up area.
20:58There was somebody playing the organ.
21:00All the time that Foggy was uttering that colloquial Anglo-Saxon,
21:04there was somebody upstairs playing the organ.
21:07The Welsh can put anything to music.
21:10The ambulance is on its way.
21:14It's funnier than we thought it was.
21:17Foggy, Foggy, are you going to have it off?
21:22Get off.
21:23Get off.
21:24Get off.
21:24Get off.
21:24Be careful.
21:25Get away.
21:25Oh, it's a real treat watching him being so brave.
21:29You've already crushed it to a pulp.
21:30I don't want it twisting off.
21:31No, I think you should wait and have it seen you properly in the hospital.
21:34You're under the anaesthetic.
21:35I agree.
21:36Be brave, love.
21:37Be brave?
21:38What's he got to be brave about?
21:39He's only got a bruised foot.
21:41Mind you, they said that about Long John Silver.
21:43And look what happened to him.
21:47I don't think there's anything broken.
21:49What makes you say that?
21:51Oh, well, nobody made me say it.
21:53I just threw it in.
21:55Mind you, there's no reason why you shouldn't have a second opinion.
21:58Now, come on.
21:59Wiggle your toes before rigor mortis sets in.
22:01Oh, no.
22:02Yes, try, love.
22:03I'll hold your hands.
22:04Is the tea ready, then?
22:07Don't you be holding hands?
22:09Well, it's only sympathy, Nan.
22:10He's been injured.
22:11Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
22:14In pain, is he?
22:16It's agony, madam.
22:17Oh, there's a pity.
22:20Can he wiggle his toes, then?
22:22Oh!
22:23Oh!
22:24Oh!
22:25I'll never hear when anything interesting happens.
22:28This damn stick.
22:29Hey, come on.
22:30It's nearly opening time.
22:31We're not going to spend all day watching him wiggle his toes, are we?
22:33Can you wiggle it, love?
22:35I think you ought to try, really.
22:37Will it hurt?
22:38Oh, yes.
22:40He is inclined to put his foot in it.
22:43Or under it.
22:44Oh!
22:45Nice fella.
22:46Nobody likes him.
22:47Too bossy.
22:48Yeah, never stops.
22:50He's always talking about the army.
22:52I tell you, if he marries your Gwen, he'll have her doing everything by numbers.
22:56Ha, ha, ha!
22:58Ha!
22:59Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
23:00Oh, you make me laugh.
23:02More than that fella in there does, I can tell you.
23:06Look at you, the English have neglected you.
23:09Aye.
23:11I'm all alone, except for young Archie.
23:13Your son?
23:14My ferret.
23:15Ha, ha, ha, ha!
23:17But it's not the same as the company of a woman.
23:21I need somebody to share me fireside.
23:24To put the shilling in me gas meter.
23:27I want to see a pair of corsets hanging over the end of me bed.
23:33You're cheeky.
23:37Now, look.
23:39Look after this lady until they've finished with me
23:41and keep her well away from him with that ferret in his trousers.
23:44Well, he hasn't brought his ferret with him, Tommy.
23:47Well, in that case, keep her even further away.
23:50Why don't you need to see, driver?
23:55Fingerprints I had already.
23:57The tyre prints were entirely by courtesy of that unforgettable sequence
24:01known as the Clegg reverse turn.
24:05Well, it's been a memorable day.
24:07From that damn first sensation of disbelief
24:10when you see this hired car passing over your sock.
24:13Stop.
24:16Rump, rump.
24:21Oh, my God.
24:23Look, I want you never to do that again.
24:25I've forgotten how spectacular is the sight of him bending down.
24:30Place him round behind me.
24:32Let the Welsh have the benefit of it.
24:35Let them make what they can of that little welcome in that little hillside.
24:39Well, come on, move on.
24:43I don't know what the old woman saw in you.
24:47I hope it wasn't that.
24:50Well, don't jog me.
24:52Try to think of it as the flat season.
24:54Let's have a bit less of this over the sticks.
25:01Oh, come along, come along.
25:02I want to see the pond.
25:03I want to see the pond.
25:39You know, I'm glad he's asleep.
25:41I didn't realise he was so heavy.
25:43It's this Welsh gravity.
25:45Is it?
25:45Oh, yes.
25:46The Welsh tend to weigh very heavy for their size.
25:51Are you sure?
25:52Oh, yes.
25:53They wear our piano stalls quicker than the English.
25:57Of course.
25:59They're mountain folk, basically.
26:02Ah, you mean like goats?
26:08I think so.
26:10Especially if they play rugby.
26:21You know, you never find anything worthwhile in a cast-off fat package.
26:26You keep looking, though, don't you?
26:28Oh, ah.
26:32When you look closely at life, it makes you wonder how it is that Foggy is heading for the pond.
26:42I should have let it go.
26:43I should turn or something, Foggy.
26:47Watch your front, Foggy.
26:49You're a fine one to be giving that sort of advice.
26:52Mind your foot, Foggy.
26:53Oh, hup, hup.
27:03Oh, hup, hup, hup.
27:19Oh, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup,
27:26hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup,
27:27hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup,
27:31hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup,
27:57Shall I have a fish cake as well, or will that be mostly data?
28:02It'll still go down in great mouthfuls.
28:05It's right watching men forking hay through a barn door.
28:10Hey, Foggy's been in a foul mood since we brought him back from Wales.
28:14Well, you know why?
28:15Why?
28:16Well, if you married the old lady, and he'd married the other one, that would have made you his father
28:22-in-law.
28:24Oh, listen, son.
28:26Wouldn't you like to bring your dear old dad another place to chip off?
28:29You shouldn't go wandering, Foggy.
28:32Malcolm Ramsdale never found true happiness with all his restless wanderings.
28:37Why? Where did he go?
28:39Up at Leadfield Street.
28:41How do they get fish just the right size for this batter?
29:05Susan employs a cleaner who turns out to be Mrs. Doubtfire.
29:08I hope she keeps her frock on.
29:09My family starring Robert Lindsay tonight at 9 on UK TV Gold.
29:13And there's a younger incarnation of Mr. Lindsay next as Wolfie Smith.
29:17Stay with us.
29:20Aplausos.
29:28Aplausos.
29:29Aplausos.
29:31Aplausos.
29:31Aplausos.
29:32Aplausos.
29:34Aplausos.
29:34Aplausos.