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Last Of The Summer Wines S04 Ep4 Flower Power Cut
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00:26Thank you very much.
00:35Oh, breathtaking.
00:38It doesn't do your legs much good either.
00:41I wonder who's won the 330.
00:43Don't you feel any sense of humility at how impermanent we are in the face of all this grandeur?
00:51Why don't we see who can whistle the loudest with their fingers in their teeth?
00:57Oh.
01:01You don't want to waste your whistle out here in the open air.
01:06Maybe you're right.
01:07It's much more effective when you use it indoors as nature intended.
01:11That's true.
01:12Don't encourage him.
01:14Well, look what happened when you used it the last time to speed up the landlord of the black bull.
01:20He threw us out.
01:21Well, there you are, you see.
01:22I thought at the time.
01:23Fine.
01:23God, that's effective.
01:25I don't wish to be reminded of that incident.
01:27It's the first time a Dewhurst had been asked to leave a place of refreshment.
01:31He didn't ask you to leave.
01:32He told me to...
01:35Can't you lift your mind for one moment above that kind of sordid detail?
01:41Surely there must be something in all this magnificence to interest you.
01:45The subtle colors of the hillsides.
01:47The ever-changing panorama of the sky.
01:59Oh, you see, you see, he said there'd be something in all this magnificence to interest you.
02:08Were you looking?
02:09Did you see that?
02:11I landed on the old feet just like a leopard.
02:14You've got a few sore spots, you know.
02:18Paratroopers reflex.
02:21Well, when you've been trained like a steel blade, you never lose that fine edge.
02:28Would you like us to turn away, Foggy, while you have a quiet scream?
02:35Oh!
02:41Oh!
02:43Oh!
02:46Oh!
03:05I've no regrets that foggy dragged us all that way you get up there amongst all
03:10that magnificent scenery you look out over the valleys you see foggy falling backwards off a
03:19wall and suddenly it's all been worth while
03:34me Murdoch they're taking him back for his funeral late morning oh Murdoch hi
03:45I see he still drives like a lunatic
03:55he was ready to go who was Murdoch just as well then isn't it because he went anyway
04:05he was in here only a week before don't say that you fool they think it was something he picked
04:10up
04:10in here I once picked up Lily Gilchrist in here you'd have been better off with food poisoning
04:24who ordered salad
04:29he never looked quite right in his uniform Murdoch some people never quite achieve the military figure
04:36especially when the worker is a lollipop man I was thinking of war aren't you gonna finish your tea
04:42first I was thinking of when Murdoch was called to the colours in 1940 our kid were called more
04:48than once called more than once and he used to call with these two sucking great military
04:54policemen with red hats typical isn't it typical yes but that kid was inspired by the prime minister's
05:00speeches no sooner had he heard the words we shall fight them in the hedgerows and they found their
05:04kids struggling gamely in a hedge bottom with a huge lady from the ATS they were engaged and we know
05:12what that don't we well that's the way it was in more time you had to snatch a bit of
05:17pleasure as it
05:18passed yeah I know about the snatching system seems in dread of being taught me I'm under account
05:30will you shut your big mouth well whose fault is it the wives round here make lovers if it's
05:35shut lifted get out of here what are you doing here come up come away from that door come away
05:47from
05:47that door at once have a bit more consideration for the people's privacy you realize they're up the
05:54hill that's the first time that Murdoch's ever passed us without raising two fingers you must
06:01not allow yourself to become a slave to an inferior little impulse like curiosity oh I don't mind being
06:06inferior it's better being in Lancashire it is all a question of exerting the power of the will maybe
06:13it's nothing personal maybe Murdoch stopped waving at everybody the will must be exercised until it
06:20becomes master of all the impulses oh my hip foggy it's marvelous how you master the impulse not the
06:31leap back and sharp put that thing away here you are my little beauty I'm a little liberal at that
06:38here we are yep you're not going round lopping the heads off flowers are you who are you Percy
06:47Thrower's hit man but it's already dead but is it well of course it is it's been dug up ain't
06:55it but Murdoch's dead and they're just about to dig him in
07:10well he's better dressed than he used to be that's not Murdoch I don't look out like Murdoch
07:20well you don't suppose he's managed to talk anyone into changing places do you
07:28you know what's wrong don't you well of course we know what's wrong he's dead
07:35what's wrong is his ties not straight oh I think it would be more than that foggy I don't suppose
07:42that killed
07:43him well straighten it uh no no maybe it's just an observation oh all right I'll straighten it
07:53come out come out look you want it straight don't know you it's not up to us well it's no
08:01good waiting
08:01for Murdoch to do it you know what I think I'd rather remember him with his tie knocked straight
08:13yeah I don't suppose it'll matter just this once
08:21just one thing what when I'm dead will you make sure that nobody as scruffy as me comes to my
08:28funeral
08:31oh hey good of you to come oh it's only proper Annie he knew we were dying you know really
08:39oh why
08:41I told him you needn't think you're getting over this one I said I've seen it all before and I
08:49had
08:49with me sister's husband she'd tell you just the same I said and no doubt she did
09:13oh yes a lot of empty vases in the cup you know couldn't you do better than that listen if
09:19Murdoch's got
09:19any complaints he can change them and you're supposed to write a card you know as well green
09:25fly you mustn't despise his flowers foggy plants are sensitive things you can hurt their feelings
09:35scientists have discovered that they respond to fear and affection now you give me a bunch of flowers and a
09:43few twigs and I can transform a squad of fighting men beyond all recognition even the bright sunlight the
09:48trained infantrymen come melt into his background like a what's so interesting about a bunch of
09:53flowers did you see that see what they flinched who flinched the flowers one loud thoughtless word from
10:01you and then and they flinched how do you mean they flinched well they went like
10:10one complimentary word from you and they all shrank back into themselves all hurt and introspective
10:25what did I say that was uncomplimentary what so in what's so interesting about a bunch of flowers you
10:34said in a loud military voice developed on the battlefields of Europe yeah and the Middle East
10:40yes well I intended no criticism just that you can't remove all traces of command overnight oh I
10:48sometimes wonder if the old war horse he never really settled down to this placid raising in
10:53civilian pastures what a load of conkers he were only a couple side right yeah well you try doing
10:59classical Roman capitals under shot and shell listen there's only one thing I got to say to thee and
11:04that is ah well you've done it now oh you feel them they've gone completely tense
11:13did they flinch again well you'd have missed it if you weren't watching carefully it's not as if
11:18they're an excitable species placid by nature oh yes notorious for hiding its emotions is the marigold
11:26is it oh yeah well they are British you know if it's sheer plant hysteria you're looking for
11:33then you've got to get yourself at bars of that exotic subtropical rubbish you know especially
11:40that variegated variety that's all wind and pistils well I didn't see it move did you see it move
11:49foggy no no it's not the kind of thing that a trained sniper would miss well it was mainly this
11:54fella here though the one next to him has a rather more rugged personality oh gentlemen please we have a
12:02temperamental marigold in here no not in a flower one word out the place and we could have pollen all
12:11over the place
12:19oh
12:19and take unto himself and take unto himself the soul of our dear brother may be part of it we
12:24therefore have his body
12:26the soul of our dear brother come from earth to earth ashes to ashes dust to dust in the dust
12:32in the
12:33sure and certainly hope of the resurrection to eternal world to our Lord Jesus Christ who shall change our
12:40higher body that it may divide into his glorious body according to the mighty good whereby he is able to
12:51recover all right I do you viciously
13:04oh well I don't reckon after funerals
13:08I want to celebrate being alive
13:10I want to feel the blood rushing through me wellies
13:13I want to do something memorable to Nora Batty
13:16Oh, come on, let's have a bit of service in here, well, are you?
13:22If you mind, can't you attract that attention more politely?
13:25All right, neither will
13:26Oh, dear
13:30Ahem
13:33Ahem
13:35Shop, please
13:40Shop, you big nana
13:45Now, knock, knock, knock
13:46If you want service, press the bell
13:48That's what it's there for
13:50All right
13:55It don't work
13:56How do you know?
13:57You can't hear it
13:58Oh, but you can hear it in there
14:00How do you know?
14:01Well, if they couldn't hear it in there, they wouldn't answer it, would they?
14:04It's like the light in a refrigerator
14:07Oh, well
14:09Well, you're not inside the refrigerator
14:10You don't know whether or not the light goes off when you shut the door
14:14You want to be in a refrigerator?
14:18It's the bell, Foggy
14:19The bell, the bell, it doesn't work
14:22See, look
14:22Well, perhaps it does work
14:24But it doesn't work, you big trollop
14:26No
14:27There
14:27Come here
14:28Oh
14:30Oh, come on
14:31Oh, come on
14:32Don't go away from that door
14:35Don't go away from that door
14:36Knock it down, why don't you?
14:40Perhaps you'd like me to dismantle the place
14:42So you can lay it out on the road and run over it with a lorry
14:46Oh, tell her, tell her it wasn't me banging
14:48Well, don't talk to me, I'm just waiting for the only bus
14:52If you want service, ring the bell
14:55Well, we rang the bell
14:55Well, I never heard it
14:57What, did I tell you?
14:58Well, we rang it
14:59Oh, God, the battery's flat
15:01Well, all we want's a bit of service
15:03Ring the bell and wait
15:05Until they get another battery
15:07Oh, don't we
15:08Only one sweet cup of tea
15:11Look, you can bear testimony
15:13Can't you mean it wasn't me banging?
15:15You can be a witness
15:16A witness against a seminite?
15:17You're asking me to be a witness against a seminite
15:20Doesn't he know how big your Eric is in bone-crushing circles?
15:25The bigger they are, the harder they fall
15:28And now Eric's got the long weight to fall, mate
15:31I tell you
15:33And that's just his left leg
15:37You've heard of Bonnie and Clyde
15:38Well, Eric's more your ugly and Clyde
15:42Who's been stirring up, my missus?
15:47Look, all I need for the completion of my domestic harmony
15:51Is some long, gangling twallop upsetting my wife
15:53Well, why me?
15:54Has it ever occurred to you you might be mistaken?
15:56Every two hours for the past 25 years
15:59How many times have I told you to get a new battery for that bell?
16:02As far as I recall, that's the first time, my love
16:04Well, don't be all day about it
16:05Or they'll lock the door down
16:11Aye
16:11I can see, even from here
16:14That you've got some individual baked fruit pies
16:17We're trying a new line
16:18So am I
16:19We know about it
16:20Oh, aye
16:22Yeah, well, I won't get in anywhere with the old one
16:25No, I tell a lie
16:26There was that one magical night when we had a bar cut
16:29And I blew out a candle
16:32Oh, yes
16:33And what's this new approach, then?
16:35I don't see why I should furnish you with all my trade secrets
16:39How do I know that you won't all rush away and have your way with her?
16:43Oh, that's a fair question
16:45She's foul, tempered
16:46And horrible
16:47And that's a fair answer
16:48Ah, but she has a kind of weathered beauty
16:52Oh, yes
16:56You know how beautiful the old public wash houses look in the moonlight
17:02And you wonder maybe if there is a god after all
17:07And suddenly for a few minutes you want to do something reckless like
17:10Comb your hair or wash your feet
17:15Well, that's how I want to be, we know what I
17:18But I've been romancing her all this job and he's got me nowhere
17:22Romancing her, he says, you haven't got a romantic bone in your body
17:24Listen, if I want any advice on romance, I won't come to an unqualified buff
17:29Hey, are you telling me what he's wrong for, Lins?
17:32What?
17:33How do you know he's not a qualified buff?
17:36That's right, you remain a bachelor for professional reasons
17:39And straight away the riff-raffs start making insinuations
17:42I've gotten out against bachelors
17:44Well, you think you haven't, your father was one
17:49All right, then, come on
17:50Come on, tell us
17:51For what professional reasons did they remain a battery?
17:55I came to the conclusion there was no place in marriage for a professional fighting man
17:59There's a place in my marriage for one
18:03Look at him
18:04Look at him, he wouldn't know what to do with your birds
18:06Look, what we're interested in is
18:08What are you doing with this new approach to Nora Batty?
18:10It wouldn't be anything as constructive as smartening yourself up or having a shave
18:14Oh, women like the untamed look today, buddy
18:18It looks like an ancient sex pistol
18:22Hey, now, can I have your attention, please?
18:25Huh?
18:34I think I may be getting through
18:37What's up with him?
18:39Sad, isn't it?
18:40I think funerals upset him
18:44Mind you, by that look on Burdock's face
18:47I don't think it was doing him much good, either
18:50I just read somewhere that scientists have discovered that plants can show signs of fear or pleasure
18:56They laughed at Galileo
18:57I should think they did laugh at Galileo if he was playing teacup to a bunch of daisies
19:03It's no good
19:06Hey, who's going to watch this lotto?
19:08That's like asking Liberace to powder his own piano
19:11No, you can't really
19:13Pluck at the heartstrings with just six chipped cups
19:18We need something more musical
19:22Don't we, fellas?
19:24Eh?
19:24Hello?
19:25Hello?
19:27Hello?
19:28Hello?
19:28Hello?
19:36Oh, here we are then
19:43Yes
19:47Yes, an enchanted quiet spot for practising on borrowed instruments.
19:54It's ridiculous.
19:56I don't think I know that. How does it go?
19:59Well, this whole experiment is ridiculous.
20:03Will you put that away?
20:06Oh, he just took it out.
20:07The sooner we become proficient in one simple melody, the sooner we can get back to the cafe and continue
20:15with the experiment.
20:16Yes, well, at least I'm glad to see you've had the tact and discretion to choose a place free from
20:22prying eyes.
20:24Look, wrap your lips round that flute and shut your gob.
20:30Thank you, Sir Malcolm Sergeant.
20:33All right, entry. One, two, three, four.
20:59the
21:01the
21:01the
21:01the
21:01the
21:06the
21:25Oh, my God.
21:47Well, come along, that man.
21:50And about, and about, a way to ignore Nora Batty.
21:55Ignore her?
21:56Yes.
21:57That's me new approach.
22:00I'll come out and I'll give her a daily dose of ignoring.
22:03Is it working?
22:04It's driving her crackers.
22:13This could be very interesting.
22:20Ah, I think I'll have a little blow on my recorder.
22:25I like to have a little toot on my recorder now and again.
22:30Not too much, just a little toot.
22:48She's putting a damn good face on it, isn't she?
22:51Get stuffed.
22:56We'd better catch him up.
22:58I never like to leave a disappointed man with a loaded recorder.
23:05Do what?
23:06It's all right, you scoffing, but ask yourselves this.
23:09What makes certain farmers play romantic music to their milk cows?
23:18Extreme loneliness.
23:20Rubbish.
23:21Soothing music increases the milk yield.
23:24I still don't see the point of warbling at a daisy.
23:27I mean, even if you did learn how to milk a daisy, would there be any demand for it?
23:32All right, all right.
23:33I can see that you don't believe that these very attractive plants will respond to music.
23:39Highly unlikely.
23:40Life is full of rich surprises, Foggy.
23:42Not civilian life.
23:44Oh, I miss the raw excitement of battle.
23:47You want to try that last bus from Huddersfield?
23:50You can't go through life with a closed mind, Foggy.
23:54Well, you don't make corporal without a wide intellectual curiosity.
24:08I was thinking last night when I was mending your vest, how the years go by.
24:14How soon it is when the man you married, when he was young and stupid, turns out to be quite
24:19old and stupid.
24:23Did you get that battery for the bell?
24:25Yes, I did, my beloved.
24:26Oh, my beloved.
24:33Come on, sit down.
24:35Sit down.
24:35Oh, I knew it wouldn't be long before the Fuhrer took over.
24:39Right.
24:40Now, stage one.
24:41Before we play music to the flowers, we have to get them into the right frame of mind.
24:46Now, please raise your index fingers.
24:49Sometimes known as the four fingers.
24:53Two fingers are not an acceptable substitute for the four fingers.
24:57He means the first or index finger.
24:59I know.
25:01Not the one you scratch with, the one you poke your ear with.
25:05I've got it now.
25:06I know.
25:07We've seen you scratching it.
25:08He's had that for some while.
25:09Yes.
25:10Well, now, stage two.
25:12Extend the index finger gently in the direction of the flowers until it rests with a feather-like
25:19touch upon the head of an individual bloom.
25:31Oh, come on.
25:32Get on with it.
25:37Now, what do we do?
25:39Smile.
25:40You won't.
25:41Smile.
25:42It's no good sitting there frightening them to death.
25:58Now, I want you to clear your minds of all hostile thoughts.
26:03What a load of...
26:04Especially...
26:06All right, well, what do we do now?
26:09Begin stroking.
26:10You what?
26:11Start stroking it.
26:12Stroking what?
26:13That delicate little head that your finger was resting on.
26:16Start stroking it.
26:17What for?
26:18Well, how else is it to believe that you're fond of it?
26:21How else are you to win its trust and affection?
26:25Well, shh.
26:28You see, we live in a mysterious universe.
26:32We have to go through life with that attitude of quiet expectancy,
26:36which belongs to the motorist parked on a double yellow line.
26:40No.
26:42Oh, stage three.
26:43Three.
26:44I will have a little bet with you all right now
26:48that if we all play together...
26:51Play together?
26:52Yeah, yeah, what do we do all that?
26:53If we play music to the flowers together...
26:57Ah, a little bet?
26:59A little bet.
27:00Oh.
27:01That if we combine the power of our recorders
27:04and aim the full melodious force of the music and aim the full melodious force of the music at these
27:09shy little blooms,
27:10then I will bet you all one pound that you will all be in for a surprise and a shock.
27:25Oh, you give us a pound if we play at them flowers and nothing happens.
27:30Done.
27:31Oh, don't waste your money, Clay.
27:33Hang on, prawn face.
27:36It's a free country.
27:37If he wants to waste his money, that's his democratic right.
27:41All right, lend us a quid.
27:43Right, what are we going to play?
27:44Queen sleeves.
27:45Oh, his signature tune, eh?
27:46It's got to be done with feeling.
27:48Just want to have a feeling somebody's crackers round here.
27:50No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
27:51Now, if we get no reaction from them, we win a quid.
27:57Correct.
27:57Unless there is a definite reaction which surprises you all, you all win one pound.
28:03Now, are we all ready?
28:04Oh, yes, we're ready, buddy.
28:07Well, keep your eyes on the flowers and wait for the reaction.
28:12All right.
28:13One, two, three, four.
28:41What the devil are you doing now?
28:44Have you seen yourselves?
28:46Three grown men.
28:47I could get you certified.
28:49No bother.
28:49As for you, you, you wheat-brain-whats.
28:52That's what you told me to school, dear.
28:57I knew you'd be up to something, but I never dreamed that I'd find you tootling in concert
29:02to a vase of flaming daisies.
29:05Greenslee's in your book.
29:06You're sitting there tootling and the doctor pleased them.
29:22Ricky Gervais and Monty Python make for a star line-up on Parkinson over on UKTV Gold tonight at 7.
29:30Coming up next here on Drama, there's an emergency meeting in the next District Nurse.
29:35A gentleman that I'd love for you.
29:39A baby!
29:41A baby!