- 14 hours ago
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00:00:00In the year 1750, England was going through a period of lawlessness unprecedented in her history.
00:00:07Highwaymen terrorized the roads, footpads and cutthroats ran riot in the towns.
00:00:11Doesn't change much, has it?
00:00:14In an effort to combat this wave of crime, King George set up a special police force called the Bow
00:00:19Street Runners,
00:00:20under the command of a man who had a reputation for being always on the job, Roger Daly.
00:00:25And you men have been especially chosen for one task, to wipe out crime and violence.
00:00:32And I know I can depend upon you to do a good job.
00:00:36Carry on, Captain Fancy.
00:00:38Thank you, sir.
00:00:39Bow Street Runners, attention!
00:00:42Hey, turn!
00:00:44Your duties! Quick, roll! Quick, roll! Quick, roll! Quick, roll! Quick, roll!
00:00:51Hold!
00:00:53All right, everybody out!
00:00:56Hands up, mate!
00:01:01And over, your valuables!
00:01:08Out and hand over!
00:01:13But despite these initial successes, there was one notorious highwayman who constantly eluded the Bow Street Runners.
00:01:20One Richard Turpin, more commonly referred to as Big Dick, owing to the unusual size of his weapon.
00:01:31Get ready!
00:01:39Get ready!
00:01:43Down and deliver!
00:01:45What's the meaning of it?
00:01:48Keep calm, dear.
00:01:49Oh, dear.
00:02:08This is an outrage!
00:02:11You don't know who I am!
00:02:15I'll have your head for this!
00:02:34Down and deliver!
00:02:39What is it? Where have we stopped?
00:02:41It's Dick Turpin, ma'am.
00:02:43Blimey.
00:02:45I'll handle this.
00:02:47Will you stay where you are?
00:02:48Behave yourselves now. Behave yourselves.
00:02:51You, get out of the road.
00:02:54Unless you want this broken across your head.
00:02:58Excuse me, madam.
00:02:59I don't think you've noticed what I've got here.
00:03:01That doesn't scare me.
00:03:03I've seen bigger ones in my time.
00:03:05That doesn't surprise me.
00:03:07You are wasting your time. We have nothing to give you.
00:03:11Madame Desiree and her birds of paradise.
00:03:17And you say you've got nothing to give us, you must be jesting.
00:03:21My girls are not fancy women. I warn you, they will fight for their honour.
00:03:25Will I?
00:03:26Come on, out of here, lullaby.
00:03:28No, you don't. Stay where you are, girls. I insist, stay where you are.
00:03:31All right, lads.
00:03:33Get your bags.
00:03:34I'll have the big blonde.
00:03:36You saddlebags, you fool.
00:03:39All right, ladies. We just want your clothes and your valuables.
00:03:42Oh, is that all?
00:03:44That'll do, Lizzie.
00:03:54All right, ladies, don't worry. The only arm you'll shuffle will be physical.
00:04:01You'll get nothing from us, I tell you. Not a thing.
00:04:03Do you mind, madam? They know what I want.
00:04:10Shall I rush them now, Sergeant?
00:04:12No, I think we'll let them uncover a little more evidence first.
00:04:16Oh, no!
00:04:17I see what you mean, Sergeant.
00:04:19Catch them right in the act, eh?
00:04:21I'll not leave it as late as that.
00:04:23That's far enough.
00:04:25You can see they're not hiding anything.
00:04:28Now, there, what about you?
00:04:29No, you are not having it off.
00:04:31That's not what I had in mind.
00:04:33What's on the end of that gold chain?
00:04:35No.
00:04:35No, you must not touch that.
00:04:37It is my only means of support.
00:04:38Come on, let me have a look at it.
00:04:39No, you mustn't.
00:04:43I told you it was my only means of support.
00:04:53Stay where you are.
00:04:54We're Ball Street Runners and you're under arrest.
00:05:00Drop them.
00:05:01She's just dead.
00:05:02No, no, no, the pistols.
00:05:04Oh, these.
00:05:08All right.
00:05:09Stand away from them, ladies.
00:05:11How do we get them away from here, Sergeant?
00:05:14Uh, yes, I was just wondering about that.
00:05:17Well, that should be any problem.
00:05:18We've got our horses over there.
00:05:19Oh, yes.
00:05:20You'd love that, wouldn't you?
00:05:22I wasn't born yesterday.
00:05:24Of course you were.
00:05:25You're too clever for the likes of us.
00:05:28But what else are you going to do?
00:05:29You can't use the ladies' coach, can you?
00:05:31No, we can't use the ladies' coach.
00:05:33We, we, we...
00:05:34Uh, why not?
00:05:36Can you think of a better way?
00:05:37You see?
00:05:38I told you you were too clever for us.
00:05:41That if it's all right with you, ma'am.
00:05:43Just to take them to the nearest lock-up.
00:05:45With pleasure.
00:05:47Yes, thank you, ma'am.
00:05:48I'll send it right back for you.
00:05:50All right, you.
00:05:51Get in.
00:05:54After you, Sergeant.
00:05:56Oh, very kind, sir.
00:05:57That's very nice of you, doesn't it?
00:05:59Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:06:00Oh, no, you must think I'm a right mug.
00:06:03Get in.
00:06:03Come on, the lot of you.
00:06:05Quick as you like.
00:06:06I've covered all the time.
00:06:08Use your loaf.
00:06:08I'll save promotion for you.
00:06:10Oh, right.
00:06:11Leave it to me, Sergeant.
00:06:12Good, lad.
00:06:12That's it.
00:06:14Make a bit of room for me, lads, if you will.
00:06:16I'll just sit on the outside.
00:06:18Ah!
00:06:19Ah!
00:06:21Ah!
00:06:23Ah!
00:06:24Ah!
00:06:25Ah!
00:06:25Ah!
00:06:26Ah!
00:06:27Ah!
00:06:29Ah!
00:06:30Ah!
00:06:31Ah!
00:06:32Ah!
00:06:34Ah!
00:06:35Battle!
00:06:46We're here, me lad. No street.
00:06:48Get in there and bring out Captain Fancy immediately!
00:06:51Yes, me lad.
00:06:52I suppose I could wear a codpiece.
00:06:55I wouldn't advise it, my Captain. The price of a cod it is today.
00:06:59Yes, what is it?
00:07:01Begging your pardon, Captain.
00:07:03Oh, Bullock, I told you I was not to be disturbed.
00:07:07Yes, Captain, but the Chief's outside.
00:07:09The Chief? Sir Roger, my coat.
00:07:13Why didn't you tell me, you fool?
00:07:15But I just did, Captain.
00:07:16No bandy words with me out of the way.
00:07:21Sir Roger, what an unexpected pleasure.
00:07:25We hadn't expected you back for over a week.
00:07:27Nor would I be, were it not for that rich turpin.
00:07:29You mustn't let these trifling matters concern you, sir.
00:07:32We have the matter well under control.
00:07:34It may be of interest to you to learn that he robbed me on the road to York last night.
00:07:39And he's taken everything we've got.
00:07:41Oh, well you better discuss this inside, sir.
00:07:43Oh, I beg your pardon, me lady.
00:07:46He really did take everything, didn't he?
00:07:48Everything.
00:07:49Where exactly did this happen, did you say?
00:07:51On the road to York.
00:07:52Just outside Denture, Captain.
00:07:54Would that be upper or lower Denture?
00:07:56About halfway between the two.
00:07:58In that case, sir, we've nothing to worry about.
00:08:00You may have nothing to worry about, Captain, but you have not been travelling all night with your bare buttocks
00:08:06on cold leather.
00:08:07No, sir, I mean I've had one of my best men patrolling that stretch of road, Sergeant Strap.
00:08:12And if Turpin was around, he'll have had him.
00:08:14You can be sure of that.
00:08:15I hope for your sake that you're right, Captain Fancy.
00:08:20You can depend on it, sir.
00:08:21Nothing gets past old jock Strap.
00:08:26Ah, here he is now.
00:08:27Well, Strap, what happened?
00:08:30Oh, well, sir, I thought I'd better report to you personally, sir.
00:08:33Yes, yes, good.
00:08:34You see, we ran into Turpin's gang last night.
00:08:36And you apprehended him?
00:08:37Ah, well, yes, sir, yes.
00:08:38There, what did I tell you?
00:08:40Good old jock.
00:08:42Yes, well, there's one slight problem, sir.
00:08:43He got away.
00:08:45I knew he wouldn't let me die.
00:08:46He got away?
00:08:48How?
00:08:48Well, it's a long story, sir.
00:08:50I don't want to hear any long stories, you incompetent dunderhead.
00:08:53Get out of here.
00:08:54I'm sorry.
00:08:55It's been a slight mishap, my lord.
00:08:57I know.
00:08:57I heard.
00:08:58But don't worry.
00:08:59I intend to take personal charge from now on.
00:09:01And I can promise you that I'll have Dick Turpin hanging from a gibbet within a month,
00:09:05or my name is not Desmond Fancy.
00:09:08There's only one comment I have to make on that, Captain.
00:09:12And that's it.
00:09:14Pardon?
00:09:16You're quite right, my captain.
00:09:17There's definitely something wrong with the hang of the breeches at the front.
00:09:21Could you just stand still a moment?
00:09:22I'm far too busy to worry about that at the moment.
00:09:24Go on, Strap.
00:09:25Well, as I was saying, sir, all these hold-ups seem to have been happening within a 20-mile radius
00:09:30of this area here.
00:09:31Oh, I guess, yes, well.
00:09:32And so we can deduce from that that Turpin's headquarters are somewhere around there.
00:09:37What?
00:09:38Oh, any imbecile could see that man.
00:09:41Yes, well, I just wanted to make sure that you did.
00:09:43Well, of course I did.
00:09:45Are you implying that any imbecile has got more sense than I have?
00:09:48Oh, no, sir.
00:09:48I should hope not indeed.
00:09:51Any fool can make fatuous generalizations like that.
00:09:53What I want to know is where is his headquarters?
00:09:56Where?
00:09:57I was just coming to that.
00:09:59Well, get on.
00:10:00There's a notorious in, just as you go into lower danger here.
00:10:03The old cock on the right.
00:10:05Well, that's where we've been going wrong.
00:10:07Yeah, what?
00:10:07I've made provision on the left.
00:10:09Will you shut up other wretched britches?
00:10:12Oh, go on, Strep, go on.
00:10:13Well, sir, the old cock's been well known as a meeting place for criminals for many years.
00:10:18And I think that is where we should start looking for Turpin.
00:10:29Down, down, deliver!
00:10:31Deliver, I say, deliver!
00:10:36Oh, well, you can't win them all.
00:10:50I think we'll have a word with the good rector.
00:10:54What for, Captain?
00:10:55It never does any harm to have the godly on one side.
00:11:00Whoa!
00:11:06Oh!
00:11:22Good day, gentlemen.
00:11:23May I be of help?
00:11:25Possibly.
00:11:25Are you the rector here?
00:11:26That is my good fortune, sir.
00:11:28The Reverend Flasher.
00:11:29Well, Reverend Flasher, is there somewhere confidential we can talk?
00:11:33In the vestry.
00:11:34Follow me.
00:11:45Thank you, Tom.
00:11:46I'd like to speak to these gentlemen privately.
00:11:52This looks more like an armory than a vestry, rector.
00:11:56We do find it useful to keep a few pistols handy.
00:11:59Against thieves, you mean?
00:12:00And reluctant bridegroom.
00:12:02Oh!
00:12:03Thank you, Tom.
00:12:04You may go.
00:12:04Thanks.
00:12:06I've got the odd feeling I've seen that man somewhere before.
00:12:09Gentlemen, I don't like to rush you, but I have a marriage and a christening to perform today.
00:12:14Sounds as if they keep you busy, rector.
00:12:16Happily, the same parties are concerned in both events.
00:12:19Me think someone's been putting the cart before the horse.
00:12:25That's the usual practice here, I'm afraid.
00:12:27Yes.
00:12:28A rump in the hay is worth a bun in the oven any time.
00:12:33All right.
00:12:34We don't wish to know that, Sergeant.
00:12:36Sergeant.
00:12:36Yes.
00:12:37Confidentially, we are Bow Street Runners.
00:12:40In truth?
00:12:40In truth.
00:12:41I am Captain Fancy.
00:12:43This is Sergeant Strapp.
00:12:44Then why be so secretive about it?
00:12:46We don't want anyone in the area to know who we are.
00:12:49Especially the one they call Big Dick.
00:12:52Then why tell me?
00:12:53A man in your position has everyone's confidence.
00:12:56You might hear of something that would be of value to us.
00:12:59Ah, yes, Captain.
00:13:00But even if I did, I couldn't possibly betray that confidence.
00:13:02You know that.
00:13:03There's a reward of 100 guineas for information leading to his capture.
00:13:08Perhaps I could make an exception.
00:13:10I thought you might.
00:13:12Well, I'm a mere man like yourself, Captain.
00:13:14And I would like to get my organ in use again.
00:13:17I beg your pardon.
00:13:18The bellows are leaking.
00:13:20And it does cost so much to repair it.
00:13:22Well, if you do hear anything, we shall be at the old Cock Inn.
00:13:25Ah, yes. I know it.
00:13:27Incognito, don't forget. So mum's the word.
00:13:30Yes, ma'am.
00:13:33Beg your pardon, sir?
00:13:34Yes, Harriet. What is it?
00:13:36Mistress Hockett sent me to say the wedding party is coming.
00:13:39Well, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me.
00:13:40Yes. Well, we'll be leaving you now.
00:13:42Thank you. That way?
00:13:43Of course, yes.
00:13:47A comely wench, indeed.
00:13:49Wouldn't mind putting me cart before her.
00:13:59That tall one. I'm sure he was one of the Bow Street runners the other night.
00:14:04They both are.
00:14:05How do you know?
00:14:06They told me.
00:14:08They want me to help catch Big Dick.
00:14:12Here, does this mean we've got to lie low for a bit?
00:14:14Well, we'll see.
00:14:15What did he mean when he said he wanted to put his cart before me?
00:14:19Well, that's a bit difficult to explain in so many words.
00:14:22Oh, couldn't you show me?
00:14:25Rector!
00:14:27Oh, blast.
00:14:28Yes, Miss Hockett.
00:14:29Rector, the wedding party has arrived.
00:14:33So I hear.
00:14:35Would you please start playing the wedding music?
00:14:37Very well, Rector. The usual march.
00:14:40Fight the good fight.
00:14:41Very good, Rector.
00:14:45Tonight, we're going to go to the old Cock Inn. Are you game?
00:14:48Oh, yes, sir.
00:14:50Oh, I'd do anything for you. You know that.
00:14:54You mean that? Anything?
00:14:56Anything.
00:14:58Well, in that case.
00:14:59Yes?
00:15:01Go and pump the organ.
00:15:14Evening, ma'am.
00:15:15Don't you even me, you wretch.
00:15:17What are my girls doing down here?
00:15:18I don't know. I haven't been watching them.
00:15:20You know my orders.
00:15:22They are only allowed down here to perform.
00:15:24I thought that's what they were doing.
00:15:26That's enough.
00:15:28That's enough, all of you.
00:15:30Go on!
00:15:33You all know better after all, I care for sale in.
00:15:36Go on, get up and start.
00:15:38You minx, madam.
00:15:43And I am warning you lot for the last time.
00:15:47This is for the next man who tries to make free with one of my girls.
00:15:55I don't fancy a poke with that.
00:15:57What did you say?
00:15:58Your blade, ma'am.
00:15:59You handle it too expertly for my liking.
00:16:01Well, I shouldn't worry.
00:16:02You don't look as if you've got much to lose.
00:16:05What to lose?
00:16:06Shut up.
00:16:08Remember, we're supposed to be criminals.
00:16:10Try to act like one.
00:16:12Here, give us your tuppence and be off.
00:16:14Tuppence for a quote?
00:16:16That bloody robbery is what it is.
00:16:18I think it's right.
00:16:20There are two porters, please, landlord.
00:16:23Hello, sir.
00:16:24Room all right?
00:16:25It'll do.
00:16:26We can't be too particular when one's on the run.
00:16:29Are there a lure after you, then, sir?
00:16:31After him?
00:16:33You've obviously never heard of Dandy Desmond.
00:16:37Randy who?
00:16:39Dandy.
00:16:40Dandy Desmond.
00:16:41He's wanted for robbery in six counties.
00:16:45It's a great honour to have you with us, then, sir.
00:16:47If I can do anything for you, don't you forget to give me the nod.
00:16:50Well, there is something you may be able to help me with.
00:16:52I'm very anxious to meet this highwayman I've heard so much about.
00:16:56What is it you call him?
00:16:57The Big Dick?
00:16:59You mean Turpin?
00:17:01Ah, that's him.
00:17:02Yes, do you know him?
00:17:03No, sir.
00:17:03Nobody does.
00:17:04Except old Maggie over there.
00:17:06Yeah, she claims Big Dick went to her for treatment once.
00:17:09He must have been hard up at the time.
00:17:13No, sir, not that sort of treatment.
00:17:15She's a local midwife.
00:17:17Midwife?
00:17:18What on earth could have been wrong with him?
00:17:19Maybe it was his birthday.
00:17:21Birthday.
00:17:23Shut up.
00:17:24Come along.
00:17:26I've on earth possessed you to give me a name like Dandy Desmond.
00:17:29Well, I don't know.
00:17:30It just sort of popped out.
00:17:32It does seem to suit you.
00:17:33Wanted in six counties?
00:17:35With a name like that, they'll be wondering what for.
00:17:37He's only trying to help.
00:17:38All right, all right.
00:17:39Well, in future, kindly leave the talking to me.
00:17:41Ah, good evening, missus.
00:17:44Mind if we join you?
00:17:46What do you want?
00:17:48I was told, sir, you might be able to assist us.
00:17:51Oh.
00:17:53I understand you've met Dick Turpin.
00:17:56Oh, maybe I have.
00:17:57Maybe I haven't.
00:17:59I rightly remember.
00:18:00And now then, Maggie, I feel sure we may be able to jog your memory a little.
00:18:05Oh, it's just come back to me, sir.
00:18:08I thought it might.
00:18:09Big Dick come up my place one night with a bit of buckshot in his cheek.
00:18:12Ah, so you saw his face then?
00:18:14No, not that cheek, silly.
00:18:16You mean he kept his face mask on?
00:18:18Course.
00:18:19But I'd know him anywhere again with his britches down.
00:18:24Really?
00:18:25How?
00:18:26Dear, oh dear, it's gone again.
00:18:28Memory do play queer tricks, don't it?
00:18:31Oh, he comes back to me now.
00:18:32Yes, go on then.
00:18:33How would you recognise him with his britches down?
00:18:36Well, he's got this funny birthmark on his diddler.
00:18:39On his what?
00:18:40Diddler.
00:18:41You know what a diddler is, don't you?
00:18:42A diddler is a slang term.
00:18:46Oh, flap me sideways.
00:18:48I've never heard it called that before.
00:18:50Well, you haven't been diddled as often as me, ducky.
00:18:53Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:18:56ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:18:57ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:18:59ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:00ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:02ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:03ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:03ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:03ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:03ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:06ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:19:06ha
00:19:06identification parade. I'm well aware that any suggestion I make will be quite
00:19:10useless. Quite. And to point out that Big Dick might well be someone in this room
00:19:15utterly stupid. The height of folly indeed. Distinguishing birthmark or not.
00:19:21Sooner or later he's got to answer the call of nature. The call of what? I don't
00:19:24follow you. No but I'll follow him. Oh jock my dear fellow. They don't call you
00:19:31jockstrap for nothing. Don't hang about. With your permission sir I'll start on
00:19:36that one.
00:19:42Sorry.
00:20:04What are you up to?
00:20:06Nothing. Nice place. Do you come here often?
00:20:31Come here.
00:20:33Well?
00:20:34Not that one, but I'll keep trying.
00:20:36What a place to look for clues.
00:20:39Right now then, could I have a bit of quiet, please?
00:20:42Nice and quiet, because this is the moment we've all been waiting for.
00:20:46It's my great pleasure to introduce Madame Desiree and her eyes...
00:20:51...as was...
00:20:54...Madam Desiree and her bloody birds.
00:21:16The glories of all women, their charm and their traditions...
00:21:20...we are now proud to show to you in different positions...
00:21:26...the Sirens of the Rock.
00:21:35These maidens lured all sailors to their doom in ancient history...
00:21:41...though who did what and how...
00:21:43...has forever been a mystery.
00:22:04All right, let's go in.
00:22:09All right, let's go in.
00:22:16Good evening, Rector.
00:22:18Good evening, Rector.
00:22:19Good evening, Rector.
00:22:19What's going on?
00:22:20Oh, it's just a travelling show, Rector, to amuse the lads.
00:22:22Oh, yeah.
00:22:24Oh, yeah.
00:22:24Hey!
00:22:24Cannibals!
00:22:26The vastal virgins of old Rome, who from their birth were taught...
00:22:32...to stay forever pure and chaste, but never to get caught.
00:22:41Very instructive.
00:22:42Are those the ones that were held up on the road the other night?
00:22:45Ah, that's right, Rector.
00:22:46By Big Dick.
00:22:48Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:22:49The quicker that villain's caught, the better, eh, Dom?
00:22:51That's right, sir.
00:22:52No one's safe from Big Dick, and that's a fact.
00:22:55Alas, yes.
00:22:56The shepherdesses who spent the day in search of a stray lamb...
00:23:01...and oft would spend most of the night looking for...
00:23:05...a ram.
00:23:12Look over there.
00:23:14The nymphs of the forest.
00:23:19The maidens of the woodlands, they hunted for sheer love of it...
00:23:25...were oftentimes called nymphs, because they couldn't get enough of it.
00:23:34Do you mind?
00:23:36Do you have strangers in, Budkins?
00:23:38Oh, them.
00:23:39Ah, they're coming from London today.
00:23:41He calls himself Dandy Desmond.
00:23:43Dandy Desmond?
00:23:45Perhaps I can get them into the choir, we're short of a soprano.
00:23:48And finally, our maids at rest.
00:23:51So langless, and so sightly.
00:23:55Tis not the show that tires them so, but doing it twice nightly.
00:24:02Twice nightly!
00:24:04Oh, yes, Victor!
00:24:07You wait here.
00:24:10Hello, Maggie.
00:24:11Where have you been?
00:24:12I didn't see you in church on Sunday.
00:24:14I'm not surprised, Rector, I wasn't there.
00:24:17Another meeting of the Purity League.
00:24:22William, don't you think it's time you came to church again?
00:24:24What do you mean, Rector?
00:24:25Don't you remember?
00:24:26I was there last Sunday.
00:24:27I took the collection.
00:24:28I know.
00:24:29Next Sunday, I want you to bring it back.
00:24:33Excuse me, gentlemen.
00:24:35Mind if I join you?
00:24:36By all means, my dear, Rector, by all means.
00:24:38As long as you don't start lecturing us on the error of our ways.
00:24:43Have you had any luck with your investigations?
00:24:45Yes, we have an important clue as to his identity.
00:24:49You have?
00:24:50And what is that?
00:24:52It appears he has a curious marking on his,
00:24:55if you'll pardon the expression, Reverend,
00:24:57on his diddler.
00:24:59Diddler?
00:25:00I don't know what that is.
00:25:02Oh, well, perhaps a more familiar word for you would be...
00:25:06Oh!
00:25:07But I fear that won't be of much use to you.
00:25:09Why not?
00:25:10Well, so many folk round here keep poultry, you see.
00:25:13I don't mean that kind of...
00:25:14This is very difficult.
00:25:16If I may be permitted to speak.
00:25:18You see, what he means, Rector,
00:25:20is that he's got a birthmark on his...
00:25:23Ah!
00:25:25Now he's got it.
00:25:26Ah, you've got it.
00:25:27Yes, now I have got it, yes.
00:25:29But I honestly don't think it's possible that Jack the Woodcutter...
00:25:32Jack the Woodcutter?
00:25:33Well, he's the only one I know that has a chopper.
00:25:36A chop...
00:25:36Oh, no.
00:25:37Oh, this is...
00:25:38This is ridiculous.
00:25:40Um, Reverend, do you know the difference between a man and a woman?
00:25:43Oh, yes, of course.
00:25:44Well, that's it.
00:25:45The difference.
00:25:46It's on his difference.
00:25:49Oh, yes.
00:25:50Now I understand.
00:25:52Yes.
00:25:58Oh, dear.
00:25:58I hope I haven't said anything to upset your friend.
00:26:00Oh, no, no.
00:26:01He's going to have a look.
00:26:02At what?
00:26:03At his difference.
00:26:04At a diddler.
00:26:04Oh, don't let's start that all over again.
00:26:06Yes, well, I can't tarry any longer.
00:26:08Duty calls.
00:26:08Don't let me detain you, my dear Rector.
00:26:10Goodbye, my son.
00:26:11And I will pray for success to follow up your every endeavour.
00:26:15And up yours, too, Rector.
00:26:19That's funny.
00:26:21What?
00:26:21What's funny?
00:26:22It looks like rain.
00:26:24Rain?
00:26:24Yes, outside.
00:26:26You see...
00:26:26No, I didn't mean...
00:26:28Aha!
00:26:46Well, anything?
00:26:48Nothing.
00:26:49I fear this is going to be a long job.
00:26:52Well, if it is, it'll be easier for me to see, won't it?
00:27:07Who's there?
00:27:08A friend, ma'am.
00:27:10Come to wish you well.
00:27:11In this place, I should say so.
00:27:20Forgive the intrusion, ma'am.
00:27:21I am the Rector of Upper Denture.
00:27:22Oh, well, then, do come in, Rector.
00:27:28Oh, I hope I haven't come at an awkward moment.
00:27:31What?
00:27:32Oh, no, I was just tidying up.
00:27:35Oh, allow me.
00:27:36Oh.
00:27:36I felt I had to come, ma'am,
00:27:39after hearing of your terrible experience at the hands of that ruffian turpin.
00:27:42Oh, that's very kind of you, I'm sure, Rector.
00:27:45When I think of it, those lovely young ladies of yours being made to strip half-naked.
00:27:50Oh, I wish I'd been there.
00:27:52What?
00:27:53To offer my protection.
00:27:55Oh!
00:27:55Oh, yes, of course.
00:27:57If ever a man deserved to be hanged, it's him, after what he did to me.
00:28:01Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
00:28:05Oh, no, he didn't do anything like that.
00:28:07Just a quotation, ma'am.
00:28:08Galatians, chapter 6, verse 7.
00:28:11Oh!
00:28:11Oh, yes, of course, yes.
00:28:12Yes, also, it seems terrible that was such a definite clue to his identity.
00:28:16We cannot bring him to book.
00:28:18Oh?
00:28:19What clue is that?
00:28:21Oh, dear.
00:28:22You haven't heard?
00:28:22No.
00:28:23What is it?
00:28:24Well, it is of a somewhat delicate nature, ma'am.
00:28:27I don't know that...
00:28:28Oh, I'm sure you can tell me, Rector.
00:28:30Huh?
00:28:30Well, perhaps if I may whisper.
00:28:36Really?
00:28:37Oh!
00:28:38How very unusual.
00:28:40Not that I have had experience of these things, of course.
00:28:43Well, I did warn you it was a somewhat delicate matter.
00:28:46Well, it is not quite the same as comparing fingerprints or anything else, is it?
00:28:50No, indeed.
00:28:52No.
00:28:53It's also so frustrating when I almost know for certain who he is.
00:28:56You do?
00:28:57Oh, yes.
00:28:58But there, what can I do about it?
00:29:01Perhaps if I were a woman.
00:29:04Oh, yes.
00:29:06I see what you mean.
00:29:08There's 300 sovereigns for information leading to his apprehension, isn't there?
00:29:13That is so, ma'am.
00:29:14Then if I could provide the necessary proof for you...
00:29:17What?
00:29:17Oh, no.
00:29:18No, no.
00:29:19I couldn't possibly allow you to expose yourself to such an indignity.
00:29:23I should not be exposing myself, Rector.
00:29:26Oh, but even so, ma'am, I...
00:29:28But think what a service I would be doing for the community.
00:29:32Yes.
00:29:33Perhaps that might be worth the sacrifice.
00:29:35Of course.
00:29:37Now, who do you think this tap-in is?
00:29:39At this very moment, ma'am, he is sitting downstairs.
00:29:54Here cometh the first lesson.
00:29:56Why?
00:29:56What's going on?
00:29:57It's what's coming off that matters.
00:30:02Do you know, I could just manage them two.
00:30:17I'll be in there all night.
00:30:20I'll be in there for now, maybe no one is wrapped up for someone...
00:30:41I'm done.
00:30:41I'm going through the toilet.
00:30:41I like the interwebs.
00:30:41Okay, this photograph.
00:30:41It's myămâ frameworks.
00:30:48Thank you, Mr. fellow.
00:31:02It's working.
00:31:14You-hoo!
00:31:15Is anybody there?
00:31:20Ah!
00:31:21There you are, you little minx.
00:31:23Your note, I believe.
00:31:25Was it a great surprise to you?
00:31:27To be frank, I don't know.
00:31:28I have what you French call a certain je ne sais quoi.
00:31:31Yes.
00:31:31And I hope to see it, mon cher.
00:31:34You sure?
00:31:35My dear.
00:31:35All in good time.
00:31:36Oh, don't rush me.
00:31:38We think that two people like us living in the same place should get better acquainted,
00:31:42no?
00:31:43Oh, very definitely.
00:31:44Oui, oui.
00:31:45What exactly did you have in mind?
00:31:48I was about to have a bath.
00:31:50Perhaps you will join me.
00:31:51It's all the same to you.
00:31:52I'll have a cup.
00:31:53A bath?
00:31:53A bath together, you mean?
00:31:54Oh, you English.
00:31:55You say such very naughty things.
00:31:57Oh, but I'm-
00:32:14No, no, no, no!
00:32:16No!
00:32:19No!
00:32:21No!
00:32:22No!
00:32:23No!
00:32:25No!
00:32:26Don't leave it!
00:32:27Get them off, girls!
00:32:29And raise them!
00:32:33Oh, don't leave it!
00:32:35Oh, no!
00:32:35Oh, no!
00:32:35Oh!
00:32:36Oh, no!
00:32:37Look!
00:32:37Oh!
00:32:43Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, hey, get off me, will you?
00:32:52Sorry, I'm having fun. No, you've got it all wrong.
00:32:54I'm not a peeping, Tom. You don't understand. I was on there on business.
00:32:59Look, hey, ah!
00:33:01Ah, get off, mother!
00:33:04Leave me alone, my girl!
00:33:09Let's go.
00:33:17He who covets another man's weapon shall himself be smitten.
00:33:22Isaiah?
00:33:23No, the Reverend Fletcher.
00:33:51Oh!
00:33:52Oh, Rector, sorry.
00:33:55Don't apologize.
00:33:58Tom, you better pump the organ today.
00:34:06Have we got enough out there for a good collection?
00:34:08Oh, I'll just pop out and see.
00:34:10You pop out any more, we'll have standing room only.
00:34:12Two, one.
00:34:37Find out a little man's weapon.
00:34:38As I look round my little flock, this beautiful day I cannot help but be sure,
00:34:42struck by the thought that seldom under one roof can there have been gathered
00:34:46such a fine collection of thieves and fornicators oh yes you may well look
00:34:56guilty and ashamed all of you what has become of the priceless gift of
00:35:01virginity gone what has become of the promised sanctity of marriage gone if
00:35:09there is one man just one man amongst you who can say in all truthfulness that
00:35:14within the past week he has not committed adultery then he may leave this
00:35:19church now and go with my blessing ah we have at least one good man with us well
00:35:27done brother bodkin oh it's not that rector you just reminded me where I left my at
00:35:32last night
00:35:41bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye thank you rector for a most interesting sermon thank you ma one
00:35:50can
00:35:50but sow the seed and pray that it will bear fruit oh but of course uh i must tell you
00:35:56that the man
00:35:57you suspect of being dick terpin i'm afraid we did not succeed in getting a look at his uh
00:36:02uh you know oh well ma'am no matter i've since learned that he doesn't have one oh dear the
00:36:10poor man
00:36:10uh birthmark i mean oh i see
00:36:14good day ma'am
00:36:17i should advise caution in your dealings with that woman rector oh how sir cheers not to put too
00:36:23fine a point on it a shameless doxy oh i'm afraid you misjudge her sir misjudge her the minute i
00:36:30entered her room she asked me to bath with her perhaps she wanted to show you the beauties of
00:36:34that fair city not that bath but you're not far from the truth i know what beauties she wanted to
00:36:39show me that is terrible terrible tell me did you man certainly not i came here for one thing and
00:36:47one thing only that is what i was asking you did you to apprehend this rogue turpin ah yes of
00:36:53course
00:36:54i i shall pray for your success in that venture sir don't worry rector i'll have him on the end
00:36:59of
00:36:59a rope's end or my name's not desmond fancy
00:37:05he'll have to go
00:37:07i think that covers it sergeant have important clue to identity of turpin investigation proceeding
00:37:13sounds all right captain
00:37:15let it off to the chief right away
00:37:19i often wonder what chance crime has against the modern scientific methods at our disposal
00:37:24none sir none
00:37:25it seems incredible but that message will actually be in london this time tomorrow morning
00:37:30it's like a miracle sir all right we'll get it off then yes
00:37:36look out sir oh filthy beast give me a bit of paper don't be silly that pigeon will be miles
00:37:45away
00:37:45by now oh yeah stop if you value your lives don't make a move what do you want the one
00:37:56who calls
00:37:57himself dandy desmond that's him which one of you is looking for big dick he is what do you want
00:38:04with
00:38:04him speak up or would you rather a shot through your guts you heard the man tell him uh well
00:38:10we know
00:38:10where we can get our hands on a great deal of money you see that's right a fortune and well
00:38:15the job is a
00:38:16little bit big for just the two of us much too big so we thought he might like to join
00:38:20us that's right
00:38:21share what exactly is this job well no no we'll not discuss this with anyone else but big dick personally
00:38:29that's really not personally very well be on the london road at ten o'clock tonight four miles out by
00:38:35the
00:38:35blasted oak we'll be there come on and where the what about that i've tricked him he's fallen right
00:38:51into my trap your trap don't you see you'll meet me face to face well well and i suppose i
00:38:57had nothing
00:38:57whatsoever to do with it nothing i have the sweet smell of success i'm glad about that i thought it
00:39:04was the pigeon
00:39:09hello bobkin what have you got you there for then i got involved in a fight with katie's husband
00:39:15it was bad luck what do you mean bad luck wow he found my hat before i had time to
00:39:20get back there
00:39:21too much to a gentleman you are next time keep your hat on you rotten soul so get out of
00:39:28me i should get my
00:39:29own back well i should i should piss in your rail
00:39:51afternoon constable you busy there no no no of course i'm not good because i wanted to have a word
00:39:59with you shall i come in no no no no oh there come out there
00:40:10well forgot the locket oh that's all right katie's not a prisoner no she's coming here to make a
00:40:16complaint she said her husband beat her up oh i see well she was showing me how he did it
00:40:25yeah i saw
00:40:26that as well well would you mind telling me what it is you want please oh i mean hurry oh
00:40:31yes yes now
00:40:32what was it now something important oh for pretty's sake i've got it yeah so have i i do hear
00:40:42us out
00:40:42you're after this thick turkey fell is that right well of course we are what about it yeah you're out
00:40:48on
00:40:48the london road ten o'clock tonight by the old blasted oak there ten o'clock by the blasted oak
00:40:59here they come right on time
00:41:08this looks like the place that's not a blasted oak it's a bloody you no no no that one there
00:41:13sir
00:41:14oh that's right i see mask oh it's me oh yes put your mask down
00:41:20that should be the constable
00:41:25i can hear something what i said i think i hear something coming i know what you said but what
00:41:31it sounds like a coach what would you be doing in a coach i don't know but it's bang on
00:41:36ten o'clock so
00:41:37it must be in all right or i don't panic pistol what i haven't had a drop no sir pistol
00:41:46oh get ready lads we're coming up to it now you wait here i'll get in position
00:42:01stand and deliver that's him get him lads
00:42:11leave me alone get your arms off me immediately
00:42:15you have no right to behave
00:42:17all right turpin the game's up you might just as well come quietly i'm not turpin oh no of course
00:42:26not
00:42:27i have i have captain fancy of the bow street runners in name chitania queen of all the fairies
00:42:45right back to business
00:43:10it's after 10 o'clock sir goodness gracious me i feel as if i've been up all night you have
00:43:18sir
00:43:19well you didn't get in until after two o'clock this morning was it that late i had no idea
00:43:26no matter as long as you've got what you wanted
00:43:32what do you mean by that miss hoggett you went to squire trelawney's to get the donations for the
00:43:36church sale tomorrow of course i did even so i was surprised it took you so long well i did
00:43:44drop in
00:43:44to see old mrs giles she's very poorly i'm afraid oh can it be wondered at her husband treats her
00:43:51shamefully
00:43:52i hear you'd never believe he was once a night it's too much for a woman of that age
00:43:59speaking of that sir i think you ought to do something about harriet soon
00:44:05in what way miss holly well she was very late in again last night only two minutes before you
00:44:12i think she's up to no good oh i'm sure there's some quite innocent explanation well i'm not
00:44:18not and i discovered quite by chance of course quite a large amount of money hidden away in the drawer
00:44:26in her room really yes now i don't know where she's getting it but i'm sure she's not getting it
00:44:33from
00:44:34you you're dead right there you're quite right with huggett i'm afraid i'll have a serious talk with her
00:44:41oh by the way news came through from the constable they've caught dick turpin well
00:44:49that really is wonderful news now all innocent god-fearing people can travel about in safety
00:44:57stop it you don't know who i am i'll have you all arrested
00:45:01go away leave me alone oh it's humiliating
00:45:06oh waste of good food and all is that all you can say after getting me into this dreadful
00:45:11predicament me what did i do nothing that was the trouble couldn't you see we were being led into
00:45:17a trap excuse me but i was distinctly under the impression that they were walking right into your
00:45:22trap if you can't talk sense such a trap oh oh oh the chief would see me now oh stop
00:45:30it go away
00:45:44urgent message from the parish constable upper danger sir right give it here
00:45:49stone the crows arch chief what is it urgent message just come in sir can't you deal with it
00:45:56i'm very busy but it says they're called turpin sir what
00:46:02let me see that step me sideways it's true did captain fancy have anything to do with this no sir
00:46:09not that i know of yeah that doesn't surprise me tell your counselor i shall come myself right
00:46:13sir i'll order your couch sir no not yet i have a bit of business to clear up here first
00:46:18i shall travel overnight and be with him in the morning
00:46:21yes miss huggett i have harriet here sir oh yes the talk bring her right here please come along harriet
00:46:28the rector wants to have a word with you
00:46:37miss huggett i think it would be better if you left us i may have to say things that could
00:46:41prove shocking
00:46:41to anyone of your gentle upbringing oh very well sir thank you
00:46:46miss huggett i must have a very serious talk with you oh oh yes sir i am very shocked to
00:47:13hear from miss
00:47:14huggett that you have been staying out late at night on several occasions is this true oh i cannot
00:47:19tell a lie sir i have been a bad girl it must stop right away you hear oh but sir
00:47:25you see i cannot help
00:47:26myself somebody gets the better on me then you must fight the good fight fight against it get thee behind
00:47:31me satan oh anything you say sir you must learn to resist the the temptations of the flesh and fight
00:47:38against the devil and and he's and that that when he beckons most strongly and the flame of purity
00:47:43burns at its weakest oh i i will try sir i promise you now now is the time to cry
00:47:48enough oh from now
00:47:50on i swear i'll be a good girl oh very good it is not enough to say that you will
00:47:54be good he'd speak
00:47:55more powerfully the word the temptation to sin is forever with us you've got to get on top of it
00:48:00i am on top of it now i i'm sure of that sir get off you little devil oh not
00:48:07likely i might not get
00:48:08another chance like this oh sir all i want is your forgiveness give it to me please give it to
00:48:14me i wish
00:48:15i had the time no no no first you must prove yourself by stopping what you're doing ah you must
00:48:21become
00:48:21once again in thought indeed get off get off the road to ruin and let go let go let go
00:48:27the devil in
00:48:28his ways start thank you miss hoggett i feel much better now
00:48:47oh rector oh rector are you all right oh yes thank you it's always so distressing to me a scene
00:48:57like
00:48:57that poor girl don't waste any pity on her sir she was more than ready for it how right you
00:49:05are miss
00:49:09oh rector i couldn't bear to see you unhappy like this oh no not again oh let me comfort you
00:49:17well i still don't see why i had to come with you i thought you would enjoy seeing the rich
00:49:28who
00:49:28stripped us of all our belongings behind bars well it's reassuring it can never happen again
00:49:34certainly exactly my dear hold stand and deliver what the devil's going on everybody out oh no it can't be
00:49:55all right tom stable up
00:50:13you did very well tonight harriet oh oh thank you sir i must say it is a pleasure working for
00:50:20you
00:50:21you're a good girl oh you don't want to believe everything you read in my references don't tell me
00:50:26a nice young girl like you has gone and strayed from the primrose path oh no it was indoors i
00:50:32hope it
00:50:32was only once well i don't know nobody ever taught me how to count proper well we'll have to do
00:50:37something
00:50:37about that won't we oh will you teach me sir i'd be very happy to count right up to a
00:50:42hundred
00:50:45well up to three for a start three how many is that well for instance that's one and that's one
00:50:54too
00:50:54well i know that no no no we'll start again hang on that's one and one makes two yes and
00:51:04two and one
00:51:06makes three oh that's lovely show me again with pleasure who's that down there it's all right miss
00:51:14hoggett it's only me you nip off to bed and don't forget to say your prayers what for i never
00:51:19seem to get
00:51:20what i asked for have patience oh miss hoggett you shouldn't have waited up for me i was worried
00:51:35about you rector i didn't know where you got to i didn't get anywhere i'm afraid but it's after
00:51:39midnight it is oh well i stopped by with old mrs giles she's failing fast i fear oh sir again
00:51:46you give
00:51:47far too much of your time to people in need i fear well you know what the good book says
00:51:51it is
00:51:52better to give than receive what you need sir is someone by your side to comfort you share life's
00:52:01burdens warm you if needs be oh i don't know miss hoggett i do have my warming pan you know
00:52:07yes but where
00:52:08would you be without me to put it in for you hey oh yes miss well i must say you
00:52:14are an admirable
00:52:15housekeeper and i really don't know what i should do without you but a housekeeper is more limited in
00:52:19ways she could be of service than say a wife yeah true true miss hoggett i think it's time i
00:52:26got to
00:52:26my warming pan oh sir don't you see what i'm trying to tell you sir for 10 years now i've
00:52:32run your house
00:52:33for you looked after you cooked for you and i am most grateful miss hoggett i nursed you when you
00:52:38were ill and helped you with your work and being at your basic court here at night and i appreciated
00:52:43miss hoggett miss hoggett yes thank you very much miss hoggett you're very kind miss hoggett three bags
00:52:48for all miss hoggett you think that's all i want in exchange well i do reimburse you adequately
00:52:52but i have more warmth with all your warmth and sneeze i would bother that much more i really don't
00:52:59understand it miss hoggett if you're not happy oh but i am there's no one else for me no one
00:53:04i'll
00:53:04serve you to the end of my days but it's only natural i should want something more shall we talk
00:53:09about this in the morning good night i may be wrong but i think she's after a rise
00:53:25i must say it's wonderful of people to part with such valuable looking items in these hard times
00:53:30well sometimes they do need a little persuading dashed if i could afford to give a coat like that
00:53:35oh come now squire you're one of our chief benefactors aye mom i've not given a damn thing
00:53:42no one's asked me to but i understood from the rest i think that we ought to let them in
00:53:47now excuse me
00:54:04i'd like this horn you've got one mrs charles i'm so pleased to see you've recovered from your
00:54:10indisposition what indisposition there's nothing wrong with me but the rector said you were confined to
00:54:17your bed here stop that you old devil but the rector said you were sinking first what me oh dear
00:54:27no
00:54:31looks like we got another big success oh not surprising where else could you get a fur coat
00:54:35and a silk dress just for a few shillings don't ask me i'm only a poor rector i've saved a
00:54:41little
00:54:42something for you for me what for for being a good girl oh oh if this is what i get
00:54:50for being a good
00:54:51girl just think what i could get being a bad one you'll find out one day promises promises
00:54:57if it goes on like this would be sold out within the hour we'll have to start another collection
00:55:01straight away won't we don't like the look of that we did that one last night didn't we and the
00:55:13week
00:55:13before probably go to the paris constable that's what i'm afraid of shall i go down there and see
00:55:19what happens good idea good you change first go with it sorry i was just having me grab we'll look
00:55:36lively will you it's the chief of the runners
00:55:44and give us something to cover ourselves with hang on a minute
00:55:58coming here you are and something for the lady to shoot
00:56:06what a funny way to travel you stay there my dear you're the parish constable that's right
00:56:13so you're the fella that claims to have caught topping yeah and his mate too sir
00:56:21i caught him red-handed i did sir really may i see them of course right this way sir
00:56:31let's sleep
00:56:33i knew it
00:56:41i knew it
00:56:54all right all right well captain in all my experience i can safely say i've never heard
00:56:59of such blind blundering stupidity yes i agree i thought turpin would behave more cleverly than
00:57:05that i mean your stupidity has it not occurred to you that the man who told you where to meet
00:57:09him last night was probably turpin himself oh no sir no in fact between you and me i think our
00:57:15presence here scared him all then i'll wager he's across the border by now well it might interest
00:57:20you to know that the man who was so scared by you last night robbed us of everything we damn
00:57:24well got
00:57:25he took my most treasured possession oh come milady surely that went long ago my mother's bracelet
00:57:35here you stay here and i'll try and get near enough to hear what they're saying
00:57:39well give me excuses
00:57:45i know how these villains work this is the only one word
00:57:50ah good idea sir well as far as i'm concerned we're right back where we started
00:57:56all this talk about big dick i've had enough of it
00:58:00oh
00:58:05strap me vitals what's the matter with you over there strap it's him but who the man the man
00:58:11who tricked you last night the man who tricked me last that was you never mind about that are you
00:58:16quite sure fancy yes sir positive right i'll take charge now constable sergeant cover the door
00:58:26oh
00:58:27look out
00:58:42oh excuse me
00:59:05all right say exactly where you are
00:59:08hey what's going on don't be alarmed ladies you're about to witness the capture of the notorious dick turpin
00:59:14who are you oh afraid not they've made a mistake you're quite sure it's him fancy quite sure sir
00:59:21you'll have a job proving it as it happens i won't he's a very distinctive birthmark sir in a rather
00:59:27unusual place oh well now he's not called a big dick for nothing sir oh
00:59:33hey god do you mean it's honest with your permission sir by all means carry on fancy
00:59:39you sir take your clothes off right would you ladies mind retiring into the next room please
00:59:50come on
00:59:51all right carry on you're making a big mistake you know i don't think so well all right then
01:00:15that's enough
01:00:21that won't be necessary
01:00:27well fancy it's it's a woman sir brilliant
01:00:31a masterpiece of deduction you blithering jackass i'll have you hide for this
01:00:35but sir he could still i mean she could still be dick turpin couldn't she yes and where's your
01:00:41precious birthmark and where's the thing it's supposed to be on i just realized oh she's the rector's housemaid
01:00:55that's all i needed to hear yeah wait till the rector hears about this no i'd prefer that you didn't
01:01:03mention
01:01:03this through anyone what in heaven's name is going on here oh my bracelet what
01:01:14oh it's blood so it is i told you she was something to do with it i told you
01:01:22good men take her away and lock her up come on my girl i'll get away with you in the
01:01:26locker
01:01:31oh
01:01:32most successful miss hoggett how much did we make rector i must talk to you
01:01:38yes what is it miss hoggett rector i've always been loyal and honest with you haven't i yes of course
01:01:45miss hoggett then why should you lie to me you of all people lie to you yes you said you'd
01:01:54gone to visit squire trelawney the other night but you didn't and mrs giles oh yes well i did
01:02:01tell you a little white lie miss hoggett why why should you do such a thing to me it's another
01:02:07woman
01:02:08isn't it i must now tell me is it miss hoggett please it is i knew it oh how could
01:02:14you after all the
01:02:16love and attention i've lavished on you playing your oracle breaker breaker oh excuse me yes tom what is it
01:02:28bad news i'm afraid damn and blast it tom tom no news is so bad that it merits the use
01:02:37of a
01:02:37cuss word particularly in front of miss hoggett sorry rector but they've got ariot bloody hell
01:02:43oh all right all right no point in your staying in this wretched place my dear you go on back
01:02:52to
01:02:52london but why can you not accompany me i wish i could dear heart but i fear i cannot trust
01:02:59that
01:02:59fool fancy to bring this business to a successful conclusion be it so
01:03:25your servant ma'am why your lordship are you not returning to london i could not ma'am i wanted
01:03:31to
01:03:31see more of you oh la sir after helping me out of that bath there is little more to see
01:03:37yes but
01:03:38one doesn't view a luscious ripe peach without wanting to sink one's teeth into it a peach is that
01:03:45not what you english play cricket on no ma'am though i must confess i'd relish an innings with you
01:03:52i do
01:03:53not play the game sir well ma'am perhaps if we went somewhere a little more private
01:04:00i could teach you oh do you think i am a damn detective cockney wench with an absurdly bogus
01:04:08french accent all right and i know what a peach is but it doesn't mean i'm easy to pluck
01:04:14i'm a very wealthy man and influential at court well in that case perhaps we should go somewhere more
01:04:29private it's not good i can't get any sense out of her leave it to me i know how to
01:04:34handle this
01:04:35baggage now look here my girl come along we know very well you're a member of big dick's gang
01:04:42then why do you keep asking me where can we find dick oh search me i've been living here for
01:04:49ten years and i've never found any yeah we have ways of making you talk torture that's against
01:04:55the law nowadays you're a comely wench there's nothing to stop me forcing my attentions on you
01:05:01oh promises promises oh oh get off she's incorrigible let me out let me out are you all right
01:05:10is it dreadful creature
01:05:16yes it's the rector wants to see the captain oh i will show him anything
01:05:23so it's true harriet what have you done oh it's no good rector you won't get a word out of
01:05:29her
01:05:30what is her crime this may come as a bit of a shock to your rector but she's suspected of
01:05:34being a member of turpin's gang i cannot believe captain let me take her home with me i'm sure i
01:05:41can get the truth out of that that's not possible i'm afraid she is the sprat to catch the mackerel
01:05:45what do you mean well i have your word that you'll keep this plan strictly to yourself of course oh
01:05:50yes
01:05:51of course well let us suppose that you were dick turpin what a ridiculous supposition i know
01:05:59that absurd yes but if you were and you learned of her arrest what would you do i would try
01:06:07to
01:06:07rescue her exactly and how would you stop me from doing so i have men all around the house you'd
01:06:13get
01:06:13in all right but you'll never get out in that case captain i'm very glad i'm not him i would
01:06:19hate to
01:06:19pick my wits against a man of your brilliance it's right enough what the captain says the constable's
01:06:32got his men all around the house no wonder his lordship looks so happy
01:06:41there must be some way we can get her out of there take a bit to do him all right
01:06:46now come on
01:06:47let's go down nice and quiet again because once again it's my very great pleasure to introduce
01:06:52madame de ziri and her oiseux des paradis
01:07:05i've got it come on
01:07:15the glories of all women their charms and their traditions we are now proud to show to you in
01:07:23different positions
01:07:30the maidens of the woodlands they hunted for a sheer love of it were oftentimes called nymphs because
01:07:38they couldn't get enough of it
01:07:44the vestal virgins of old rome who from their births were taught to stay forever pure and chaste but never
01:07:55to
01:07:56get caught
01:07:56and finally our maids at rest in languorous sleep so sightly it is not the show that tires them so
01:08:09but doing it twice nightly
01:08:15that's
01:08:16not the
01:08:24that's
01:08:38for a room please dad certainly
01:08:52Just a minute, dear.
01:08:53Give him!
01:09:01Captain.
01:09:02Captain.
01:09:05Captain Fancy.
01:09:08Don't move!
01:09:09Oh!
01:09:09Oh!
01:09:10Oh!
01:09:10Oh!
01:09:10He did give us a shock.
01:09:11Who are you?
01:09:12And what are you doing here?
01:09:13His Lordship sent us across with a bottle for you.
01:09:15Oh, how very thoughtful of him.
01:09:17And he suggested we stay and keep you company for a bit.
01:09:20Well, I could do with a bit.
01:09:22Saucy.
01:09:24All right, Constable, you can leave us now, eh?
01:09:27All right, sure.
01:09:28Well, you're not exactly a couple of fillies, are you?
01:09:33A gentleman of taste.
01:09:34We'll just have a couple of noggins to loosen things up, eh?
01:09:38Lovely.
01:09:40Here.
01:09:40Oh.
01:09:42Is that the one who's supposed to belong to Dick Turbin's gang?
01:09:45That's right, love.
01:09:46Fancy you being a highwayman?
01:09:47Ain't you afraid she'll get away?
01:09:49No chance of that.
01:09:51You never know.
01:09:52If you got too near the boss, she could reach through and grab you from behind, couldn't
01:09:55she?
01:09:55Oh, come over here, my dear.
01:09:58Yes, sweetheart.
01:10:00And, eh, what's your name, my little pretty one?
01:10:03Bridget.
01:10:04Oh, Bridget.
01:10:05Most of the fellas call me Bridge.
01:10:07Bridge?
01:10:07Why?
01:10:08Because I come across.
01:10:09Oh, dear.
01:10:11Oh, dear.
01:10:12Oh, dear.
01:10:12Get off me.
01:10:14There you are, my dear.
01:10:16Oh, dear.
01:10:16And what might your pretty little name be?
01:10:19Oh, well, darling, you can call me Big Dick.
01:10:22Oh, what a pretty...
01:10:23What?
01:10:24Ha!
01:10:25Ha!
01:10:25Ha!
01:10:26Now, Harriet, what are you doing?
01:10:28What the...
01:10:28Ha!
01:10:29What do you want?
01:10:30I'll tell you what I want.
01:10:31Get over that door.
01:10:31Come on.
01:10:32Ha!
01:10:32Do what I tell you.
01:10:34Constable?
01:10:38Yes, Captain?
01:10:39Go over to the inn and fetch us another bottle of rum.
01:10:42What?
01:10:42Already?
01:10:43Don't argue now.
01:10:46All right, Captain.
01:10:49All right, for sure.
01:10:51What did you come for?
01:10:52You know what I've come for.
01:10:53Get your clothes off.
01:10:54What?
01:10:55You heard.
01:10:55Get them off.
01:11:00Oi, butkin.
01:11:04Another bottle of rum for the Captain.
01:11:09What the devil?
01:11:11Excuse me, Del.
01:11:18Constable!
01:11:19You're supposed to be on guard.
01:11:20I know, sir, but the Captain sent me across for another bottle, sir.
01:11:24Another bottle?
01:11:25What the place is for?
01:11:25Well, I suppose they must have finished the one what you sent them, sir.
01:11:29When I sent them?
01:11:30What the devil are you talking about?
01:11:32Well, you know, sir, the one you sent them two old women across with, sir.
01:11:36Two old women?
01:11:37What do you mean?
01:11:40Didn't you, sir?
01:11:42What?
01:11:43What?
01:11:44I've been nobbled.
01:11:45Oh.
01:11:46Oh, wow!
01:11:47Wow!
01:11:48Come on!
01:11:49I was silly old constable.
01:11:53Come along now, Gappy.
01:11:55Who's had too much to drink then?
01:11:57He has.
01:11:58Who's gonna be yiggy-dicky in the morning?
01:12:02Who's gonna be yiggy-dicky in the morning?
01:12:26Who's gonna be yiggy-dicky in the morning?
01:12:26Will!
01:12:27Well, nothing definite, I'm afraid, sir.
01:12:29It seems one of the constable's men did see the women leave last night with someone they thought was me.
01:12:35And you know who that was, of course.
01:12:36Oh, no, it wasn't me, sir.
01:12:37I'm pretty sure of that.
01:12:38I'm talking about the two women, you fool!
01:12:40Ah, now you come to mention it, sir, there was something familiar about one of those women.
01:12:44I could have sworn we'd met before somewhere.
01:12:46It was chirping, you blasted oaf!
01:12:48Who else would bother rescuing the girl?
01:12:49Ah, yes, I had considered that possibility, sir.
01:12:52Oh, my God!
01:12:54What I don't understand is, he must have known about the trap we set.
01:12:58How?
01:12:59Did you tell anyone?
01:13:00What?
01:13:01Oh, certainly not, sir.
01:13:02Ah, except the rector.
01:13:04Oh, the rector, yes, well, here.
01:13:05Are you certain you told no one else?
01:13:08I'm positive, sir.
01:13:09Well, well, what is it, sir?
01:13:12Where did you get that cloak from?
01:13:13Well, you know, I lost all mine, and the landlord very kindly lent me years.
01:13:16Pretty awful, I know.
01:13:17It's mine!
01:13:18Oh, I don't think so, sir.
01:13:21He told me he got it at the church sale.
01:13:23Church sale?
01:13:27Do you suppose it's possible?
01:13:28I was just thinking the same thing, sir.
01:13:31Of course!
01:13:32That's who the woman reminded me of.
01:13:35Who?
01:13:35The old rector.
01:13:37So similar, it could almost have been him.
01:13:40And you told him about our plan to catch chirping.
01:13:45Yes, that's right.
01:13:47I...
01:13:47Oh.
01:13:49I'll deal with you later.
01:13:51Strap, sir.
01:13:52Go to the constable and get all the many hands.
01:13:53Yes, sir.
01:13:54And meet me at the church.
01:13:55Yes, sir.
01:13:56You know, I suspect you've given right from the beginning.
01:13:59I think...
01:14:00Oh, my God.
01:14:05The text from my sermon today comes from the Book of Numbers.
01:14:09Be sure your sins will find you out.
01:14:12Indeed, it astonishes me that you come here Sunday after Sunday
01:14:16and look me in the eye without shame.
01:14:18Me, your spiritual and moral leader.
01:14:21Me, whose only sin has been to let you continue in these sinful ways.
01:14:26I tell you now.
01:14:47Where was I?
01:14:48Oh, yes.
01:14:49Now I will tell you.
01:14:53The day of judgment is nigh.
01:14:57Yes, indeed.
01:14:58I can say that again.
01:15:01Yes, sinners.
01:15:03The agents of retribution are all around us.
01:15:06It's in the middle of the service, sir.
01:15:08Good.
01:15:09Then we have him.
01:15:09May I, sir?
01:15:10Certainly not, Captain.
01:15:12Have you no respect?
01:15:13We must let him finish it.
01:15:15Constable, how many exits from this church?
01:15:17Just that one, sir.
01:15:19And the one in the vestry, sir.
01:15:20Right.
01:15:21You and your man cover that.
01:15:23We'll take this.
01:15:28Even now they are getting closer.
01:15:32And so, my friends, it seems that we have a bit of a problem on our hands, doesn't it?
01:15:38Believe me, we have.
01:15:42Oh, you might say to yourselves, I am quite safe in this place.
01:15:47Nobody would touch me here, would they?
01:15:55Praise be to heaven, you're right.
01:15:58But what will happen after this service is over, and you have to leave this sanctuary?
01:16:06We will now sing hymn 202.
01:16:12Oh, God, I helped in ages past.
01:16:32You saw him?
01:16:33Yeah.
01:16:34We've got to get out of here.
01:16:35This way?
01:16:36No, no.
01:16:37They could never be that stupid.
01:16:39Or could they?
01:16:40Hang on.
01:16:43Bless you, my children.
01:16:47See what I mean?
01:16:48I think we've had it.
01:16:49Never, never.
01:16:50Harry, it's still hiding in the crypt.
01:16:51Tell her what's happened.
01:16:52Bring her up here.
01:16:53Yeah, right.
01:16:55Leave me the shadow of a hole.
01:17:13Leave me the shadow of a hole.
01:17:17Like a great man in Jesus' love.
01:17:21For all years, she'll live high ground on the low.
01:17:27And a great man in Jesus' love.
01:17:40Oh, look at me!
01:17:53Is this the best you can do on this, the day of retribution?
01:17:57We'll try it again.
01:17:58This time, give.
01:18:01Hymn 202.
01:18:02Oh, God, I helped!
01:18:10Hey, what are we gonna do?
01:18:11Come on, quick.
01:18:12Get in there.
01:18:14Come on.
01:18:15Come on.
01:18:20Come on.
01:18:22Come on.
01:18:24Come on.
01:18:25Come on.
01:18:27Come on.
01:18:27Come on.
01:18:29Come on.
01:18:30Still here, gentlemen?
01:18:31Sorry, Rector, but I've been ordered to arrest you.
01:18:35Oh, but the service isn't over yet.
01:18:37Oh, well.
01:18:38I'm just about to say my final prayer.
01:18:40Oh, well, in that case...
01:18:43Would you care to join me?
01:18:45Eh?
01:18:45Come in.
01:18:46Come along.
01:18:47Come right in.
01:18:49Come along.
01:18:51There you are.
01:18:56Kneel, please, gentlemen.
01:19:01Over here, please.
01:19:27Bless these, my children.
01:19:29Give them the strength to carry out their duties.
01:19:32And for what they are about to receive.
01:19:34May they be truly grateful.
01:19:40Amen.
01:19:41Tie them up.
01:19:41Come on.
01:19:43Oh, blimey.
01:19:49Get over there.
01:19:50I'll be back.
01:20:01To say that I am disappointed is to put it mildly.
01:20:04Has everybody given?
01:20:05I'll write it.
01:20:06Is that a gentleman at the back?
01:20:09Oh, no.
01:20:10I can go to them.
01:20:11Then do so.
01:20:13Ah.
01:20:14During this collection, we will sing hymn 202, O God, Our Help.
01:20:19Oh, help.
01:20:26Oh, help.
01:20:28Oh, God, our help.
01:20:30Oh, help.
01:20:30In angels.
01:20:32Oh, help.
01:20:34Oh, help.
01:20:35Oh, help.
01:20:37Oh, help.
01:20:39Oh, help.
01:20:40Oh, help.
01:20:42All right, Arienia.
01:20:42I think we'll borrow his lordship's coat.
01:20:44Tom, go and persuade the coachman.
01:20:46Very good, Rector.
01:20:59There's something funny going on here.
01:21:01I was just going to say the same thing, sir.
01:21:03I don't like it.
01:21:04Strap, go to the vestry and see if everything's in order.
01:21:07Yes, sir.
01:21:08Any sign of Tom yet?
01:21:09Oh, I'll have a look.
01:21:10Right.
01:21:15Ponstable! Ponstable!
01:21:18Look out! The sergeant's coming!
01:21:20Oh, no! At the belfry, quick!
01:21:26Where the hell have they got to?
01:21:32Hang on. This'll fix it.
01:21:36Right.
01:21:40Help!
01:21:42Help!
01:21:45Help!
01:21:47Help!
01:21:50Help!
01:22:19He's coming.
01:22:25Get ready.
01:22:31Now.
01:22:52Let me say bells to all this.
01:22:58You hang on here a minute.
01:23:01Come on.
01:23:04Fire!
01:23:05Fire!
01:23:08Run!
01:23:18Give me the money.
01:23:20Help!
01:23:28Come on.
01:23:29Hurry.
01:23:30Yes, sir.
01:23:30Hurry!
01:23:33Out of the way.
01:23:34Get up.
01:23:36Right.
01:23:37Come on.
01:23:38Get up.
01:23:39Come on, boys.
01:23:39Come on.
01:23:47Without bleeding, Doug, you are the most useless...
01:23:53...that ever grew...
01:23:56...breath.
01:24:10You're safe now, Rector.
01:24:11We're over the border.
01:24:16Oh!
01:24:18Oh!
01:24:18Oh!
01:24:19Oh!
01:24:19Oh!
01:24:19Donned and deliver!
01:24:22That's just what I was about to do.
01:24:24And about time, too.
01:24:25It hasn't happened, too.
01:24:27Undynever ho semester.
01:24:29Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
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