- 21/07/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Ben!
00:02Job duty's over, Ben!
00:04Ben!
00:10Ben?
00:16Hubba. Hubba.
00:18Who says hubba hubba?
00:20I'm sorry, I don't have the great track record with the ladies.
00:22Which makes you and your, um,
00:24apparent interest in me,
00:26lovely, unbelievable.
00:30Ah, this is a trap, isn't it? Yeah.
00:32Stop talking out loud, Graeme.
00:34Always doing that.
00:36Ah, it's Spectrum!
00:47Your foraging team have been gone three weeks now.
00:50Hence my invention.
00:52A high-tech homing beacon.
00:54You and Stevie spent, like,
00:56one night together.
00:58Not afraid of looking just a tiny bit desperate.
01:00Hey, what's that on my sleeve, Susan?
01:02Well, looky here.
01:04It's my heart.
01:06And I'm happy to keep it there.
01:08What's took him so long, anyway?
01:10Oh, I gave Stevie a little mission on the side.
01:12Strictly need to know.
01:14Stevie!
01:16Stevie!
01:18Stevie!
01:20Stevie and Giggles!
01:22Stevie!
01:24Stevie's back.
01:26Found this fella on the road.
01:28No sign of the killer.
01:30All right, Stevie.
01:32I missed you, mate.
01:33I missed you, too.
01:34Yep.
01:35He's dead.
01:36Tragic!
01:37Still!
01:38Peckish!
01:39I thought you weren't a cannibal no more.
01:41We talked about it, remember?
01:42Can't you see I'm trying?
01:44You've got a heart of stone.
01:46Oh, this is all flesh and blood.
01:48OK.
01:50Wrong choice of words.
01:51And I thought you understood me.
01:53Oh, it's it!
01:55Stevie!
01:56Right there!
01:57Stevie!
01:58Enough talking to you for the rest of the day!
02:00Listen, Tom, before they get here...
02:02Who?
02:03Susanna!
02:04Mum!
02:09Shit!
02:11Shit!
02:41I love you, Mum.
02:42You know I do.
02:43It's just, I did kind of spend winter on that road drinking my own urine to get away from her.
02:55Darling!
02:56Wonderful!
02:57Your daddy would have loved it.
02:59Too bad his new wife's busy milking him into a turkey baster.
03:02Which totally makes sense to mention.
03:04How are you coping, Mum?
03:05I'll let you be the judge.
03:07Whoa!
03:09Badly.
03:10It drives my new man crazy.
03:13You remember your old PE teacher?
03:15Mr Probert?
03:16What?
03:17That American sex pest.
03:18I mean, Mr Probert was OK.
03:19Once.
03:20When we were swimming.
03:21Saved me from drowning.
03:22Oh, yeah.
03:23I mean, the flip side of that is what were you doing in his jacuzzi?
03:26Pete!
03:27Pete, darling!
03:28Here they are.
03:29Susie and Tim.
03:31Damn.
03:32She's all grown up.
03:34Oh, Mr Probert.
03:35You've, uh, looked...
03:37Good?
03:38Mmm.
03:39Yeah, sure.
03:40Lost a few pounds.
03:41Nuclear holocaust has been good to me.
03:42Uh-uh.
03:43Come to Mama.
03:44Mmm.
03:45Mmm.
03:46Mmm.
03:47Mmm.
03:48Mom?
03:49Mmm.
03:50Mmm.
03:51Mmm.
03:52Mother?
03:53Mmm.
03:54So, this is your...
03:55Lover?
03:56Fancy man.
03:57Oh, no!
03:58Oh!
03:59They, uh, your boyfriend.
04:02Whoa!
04:03It's the B word.
04:04This gang-banger me swing harder than my big balls in the breeze, baby.
04:08Hence my fellow swingers.
04:10Still sexy.
04:11I'm the Pied Piper Poontang.
04:14Spreading the love.
04:16Oh!
04:17Oh!
04:18Oh!
04:19Oh!
04:20Oh!
04:21Oh!
04:22Oh!
04:23Oh!
04:24I think something inside me just ran itself an acid bar.
04:27Oh!
04:28Oh!
04:29Oh!
04:30Oh!
04:31Oh!
04:32I finished my teaching exchange and I was this close to being back with my beautiful president.
04:36Back where cellulite is some kind of European myth.
04:37Oh!
04:38Oh!
04:39Like philosophy.
04:40Then judgement day comes and I'm trapped in hell with all you faggy, mumbling, cartoon
04:46queefs.
04:47By which you mean the British.
04:49Exhibit A.
04:50Oh!
04:51This is nice.
04:52Yeah.
04:53Feels like a lifetime since we were trapped in a tiny basement together.
04:56Oh!
04:57Suze!
04:58Guess who we saw on our way here.
04:59Ex-boyfriend of yours.
05:00Oscar!
05:01Oscar!
05:02No, no, no.
05:03Nice boy.
05:04Tall.
05:05I don't remember anybody.
05:06Yes, yes you do.
05:07You were very smitten.
05:08I taught him for sure.
05:09David?
05:10David was not a gentleman.
05:11He couldn't keep his hands off you.
05:12Chris, was it?
05:13Sam?
05:14Ben.
05:15One of the Bens.
05:16One of the Bens.
05:17Ben...
05:18Ford.
05:19Ben Clark, maybe?
05:20He was barely a boyfriend.
05:21I can't keep him up.
05:22Clearly.
05:23Ben Taylor!
05:24That was his.
05:25Oh, right.
05:26Er...
05:27How is he?
05:28He's dead.
05:29Yes, found him on the side of the road.
05:31His head was stuck on a spike.
05:33It's these youths.
05:34Broken homes.
05:36Broken Britain.
05:37Look at your brother, Barney.
05:39Mr Moody.
05:40Keeps going on about death.
05:42Oh, he just needs some fresh hairs off.
05:44Ow!
05:45Get off!
05:46Stop it!
05:47Well, er, Tom organises games for the kids.
05:49They love it.
05:50Er, maybe Barney could...
05:51Pop your penny on, Tim.
05:52I'll handle gym class.
05:54After all, I was your games muster.
05:57I only had one games muster.
06:00Sir Patrick Moore.
06:01And that great man is dead.
06:03Plus, I can teach PE standing on my head.
06:05Don't be ridiculous.
06:07Laura, your Pop was the only kid in his grade,
06:10couldn't do a handstand.
06:12We had a kid in a wheelchair.
06:14I mean, she's pretty messed up,
06:15but she always wiped her ass with this fella.
06:18I give you dodgeball.
06:21Now, technically, it's dodge rock.
06:23And it gets better.
06:24Tomorrow, two teams, one destiny.
06:25It's our very own Super Bowl.
06:26How'd you ever survive in school?
06:27If I'd have been in your class,
06:28I would have torn you a new asshole every day of the week,
06:30plus weekends and public holidays.
06:31I would have served your own assholes up to you by the dozens
06:33like your life was one long humiliating trip to Dunkin' Donuts.
06:36Well, if you could fantasize at length about my asshole somewhere else,
06:39because I'm giving a PE lesson.
06:40Gee, this must bring back a lot of memories
06:42of being a clumsy, blind coward twice a week for ten years.
06:46Okay, I'm not clumsy, I'm not blind, and I'm not a coward.
06:48Dad, dodge this!
06:49Ah!
06:50Jesus!
06:51Christ, Laura!
06:52Ah!
06:53I could be so mean to you right now, you hobbit!
06:55I hate you!
06:56This isn't over.
06:57Ah!
06:58Ah!
06:59Ah!
07:00Ah!
07:01Ah!
07:02Ah!
07:03Ah!
07:04Ah!
07:05Ah!
07:06Ah!
07:07Ah!
07:08Ah!
07:09Ah!
07:10Ah!
07:11Ah!
07:12Ah!
07:13Ah!
07:14Ah!
07:15Ah!
07:16I'm the only sportsman around here.
07:18Ah!
07:19Ah!
07:20Ah!
07:21Ah!
07:22Ah!
07:23Ah!
07:24Ah!
07:25Ah!
07:26Ah!
07:27Ah!
07:28Ah!
07:29Ah!
07:30Ah!
07:31Ah!
07:32Ah!
07:33Ah!
07:34Ah!
07:35Ah!
07:36Ah!
07:37Ah!
07:38Ah!
07:39Ah!
07:40You're the first human being I've seen in three fucking years.
07:42I thought I was the last person left on Earth,
07:43so I made a deal with God.
07:44The first man I saw, I would instantly make him get me pregnant.
07:47Adam and Eve shit.
07:48Mm-hmm.
07:49Only then I got paranoid,
07:50because can you imagine if Adam and Eve didn't fancy each other at all?
07:53And Adam's like,
07:54Uh, so are we gonna...
07:55And Eve's like,
07:56Uh, you're not my type.
07:57Adam's like,
07:58But we're gonna have to at some point.
07:59Eve's like,
08:00Can you stop doing that?
08:01We have nothing in common.
08:02And Adam's like,
08:03What are you talking about?
08:04You're made from my rib.
08:05Eve's like,
08:06Well, great.
08:07Then you can suck your own cock.
08:08And then Adam's like,
08:09I'm going to kill each other for the sake of humanity.
08:10I mean,
08:11How can you not fuck after that?
08:12I'm Ash.
08:13Can you get off my boyfriend?
08:15Hey.
08:17How did that get there?
08:23It's all right.
08:24It's all right.
08:25It's all right.
08:26It's all right.
08:27It's all right.
08:28It's all right.
08:29Well done.
08:31Wow.
08:36This is great.
08:37Thank you, Tom.
08:38You're my hero.
08:43Wow.
08:44You're shiny.
08:45Are these shorts too much, honestly?
08:46Too much.
08:47Too much.
08:48Too little.
08:49Sure you're not cold?
08:50Please, Suze.
08:51I envy you.
08:52I'm loving this whole feminist thing.
08:54I never said I envied you,
08:55but whatever.
08:56Drag?
08:57Thanks, but I'm loving the whole anti-cancer thing.
08:59Oh, you're right.
09:00God, I've missed having a mother figure around.
09:02Not that you're mumsy.
09:03More like a sister.
09:04An older sister.
09:05Wise.
09:06Owlish.
09:07Hug.
09:08Tom.
09:09Outside.
09:12Tom!
09:13Right.
09:14I've been thinking.
09:16One person's dead, another's missing.
09:18Who's responsible for that?
09:20Spectra.
09:21But what if the killer's here?
09:24A new face, perhaps?
09:26A stranger?
09:27You think Ash...
09:28We don't know anything about her.
09:30Where she came from, who she is, how the hell she shaved her legs.
09:34Look, Ash is just a woman who's young and fit.
09:37Ting in with us, and you're intolerant of that.
09:41Intolerant.
09:42I'm intolerant.
09:43Well, at least you're honest.
09:44I've got my eye on her.
09:45So do I.
09:46You know what I mean.
09:48Thank you, guys and girls.
09:51Yeah.
09:52Oh, oh.
09:53Oh, oh.
09:54Oh.
09:55Oh.
09:56Oh.
09:57Oh.
09:58Oh.
09:59Oh.
10:00Oh.
10:01Oh.
10:02Oh.
10:03Oh.
10:04Find a chair.
10:05Find a chair.
10:06Oh.
10:07Oh.
10:08Oh.
10:09Oh.
10:10All right, Barney.
10:11That team need a defensive midfielder with a deep bounce in their locker.
10:16Back to the wall, Barney.
10:18Thought this was dodgeball.
10:19It was.
10:20Until Zorbitron sprained his wrist.
10:22His parents were furious.
10:24Yeah, Zorbo.
10:25Snitchers live in their chairs.
10:27So, I invented a new sport.
10:29Have you ever done that?
10:31No.
10:32Thought not.
10:33Oh, so you invented musical chairs.
10:36I'll take it from here, Tim.
10:38No chance.
10:39All right, how about this?
10:40I'll coach the greens.
10:42You coach the reds.
10:44If I win, these kids' asses belong to me.
10:46Fine.
10:47If I win, you leave the camp.
10:49Deal.
10:50Bitch.
10:51Are you sure it's okay for me to stay here?
10:53Of course.
10:54What are you talking about?
10:55I saw Laura.
10:56She called me a homewrecker.
10:57I guess it's a word she must have heard from somewhere.
10:58She's always cracking jokes.
10:59Chip off the old block.
11:00Ladies and gentlemen, those who are about to swing.
11:01I salute you.
11:02I've got to get this douche out of my life.
11:03I've got to get this douche out of my life.
11:04Want to talk tactics at my place?
11:05I've got more cigarettes.
11:06Yeah.
11:07Yeah.
11:08tactics.
11:09Just tactics.
11:10Just tactics.
11:11Formations.
11:12Both nines.
11:13Scrummages.
11:14President of Legoland.
11:15Ah!
11:16As I said at Margaret Thatcher's funeral.
11:17She's always cracking jokes.
11:18She's always cracking jokes.
11:19Chip off the old block.
11:20Ladies and gentlemen.
11:21Those who are about to swing.
11:22I salute you.
11:23I've got to get this douche out of my life.
11:26Want to talk tactics at my place?
11:27I've got more cigarettes.
11:28Yeah.
11:29Yeah.
11:30Tactics.
11:31Just tactics.
11:32Formations.
11:33Both nines.
11:34Scummages.
11:35What?
11:36What?
11:37What?
11:38President of Legoland.
11:40Ah!
11:41As I said at Margaret Thatcher's funeral.
11:42Shaggers and bitches unite.
11:45Whoaa!
11:46Prime Minister you are a naughty boy.
11:49Goddamn right sugar tits.
11:51I'm just bananas for couche.
11:54Oh.
11:55I haven't had this much fun since I dismantled the welfare state.
11:58Brick by fucking brick.
12:00Do you think people can fall in love at first sight?
12:11I mean, you and Pete, how did you...
12:13Well, I remember we were by this lake
12:16and Pete undid my shoes and threw them into the lake.
12:21Wait, so he took off your shoes and...
12:23Threw them into the lake.
12:25Luckily, they were crocs, so no harm done.
12:27Mum, this sounds a lot like a Kate Bush song.
12:29I think I remember falling in love.
12:31OK, in this memory, do you get chased by a pack of hounds?
12:34You've heard this story before.
12:36Yes, from Kate Bush.
12:38What's the matter, Suze?
12:39I'm a survivor, Mum.
12:41I can build shelters, start fires, poo discreetly.
12:45How do I make a relationship survive?
12:47Right, you know this swinging business, it's tricky.
12:50OK, if this is about audio etiquette,
12:51I might have to go feed myself to a pack of cannibals.
12:53Oh, Suze, you don't actually think I'm a swinger.
12:55I saw you snog the Prime Minister.
12:57Peter's having a massive mid-life crisis.
12:59I'm just running the storm.
13:01But how can you do that?
13:02To keep him.
13:03So there's no hope, basically.
13:05Listen, if you really love Tom,
13:08don't let anybody come between you.
13:10What's going on?
13:21You'll come with us.
13:26Our homeland security is under threat
13:28by known knowns, known unknowns,
13:31and unknown unknowns,
13:32so unknown that we don't even know,
13:33we know that we don't know,
13:34we know that we don't know what anything means.
13:37Hmm?
13:38Any questions?
13:39Where'd you get a kim mask?
13:43Mum was murdered yesterday.
13:45And I'm sorry for you...
13:46Loss, why?
13:47Why am I sorry?
13:48Why did they die?
13:49Mind if I smoke?
13:50No.
13:51Did you do a little wee?
14:08No.
14:09A tiny one.
14:10It's like a thimble fall.
14:12Is this some sort of mind game?
14:13Yeah, yeah, that's it.
14:15I'm messing with you.
14:16This is good cop, shit cop.
14:20Oh, where's Creepy Cop gone?
14:25What do you call that?
14:26Twerking?
14:26No, we don't twerk on this team.
14:28Don't make it rain, baby.
14:30Give me some juice.
14:31Laura, I need you to focus.
14:33I'm not playing.
14:34Look, I was wrong to shout at you,
14:36and I'm sorry.
14:37Mates again?
14:39Yeah.
14:39Jesus Christ, Barney.
14:44What the hell is wrong with you?
14:46Hey, hey, Pete.
14:47Let's time out.
14:48If Barney doesn't want to play...
14:50Life is a game, Tim,
14:51and this game has no rules.
14:54So it's not really a game?
14:55I'm going to crush you,
14:56you J.P. Dickens-y dog turd.
14:59I don't think so, pal.
15:01Because I can beat you.
15:07Standing on my head.
15:08Who's ridiculous now?
15:11Hi, Tom.
15:12Ah!
15:12We need to put you in clogs.
15:14It's Suze.
15:14She's gone too far.
15:16So, what happened last night, hmm?
15:18Is this about Tom?
15:20This is about a murder,
15:21which is why I need to know
15:22exactly what happened last night.
15:24We just chatted.
15:26A man is lying dead
15:27with an arrow on his back.
15:29So we need to know...
15:31Was there any petting?
15:34Or, you know,
15:35was it one of those
15:36really hot, slow builds?
15:38Are we getting a bit off-topic?
15:40Suze, I promise.
15:41Nothing happened
15:42between me and Tom.
15:43OK, hold her down.
15:50Susan!
15:51What?
15:52What are you doing?
15:53What does it look like?
15:53I am waterboarding her.
15:55What?
15:55Outside.
15:56You think I'm jealous
16:02of you and Ash?
16:04Oh, please.
16:05She's a total babe.
16:07Do you really think
16:08she'd fall head over heels
16:08in love with you at first sight?
16:10No.
16:11Look,
16:11you feel like Ash is your rival,
16:14like she's threatening you,
16:15but just because she feels something
16:16doesn't make it true.
16:17Listen to you
16:18doing your impression
16:19of an adult.
16:20God,
16:21you're pleased.
16:22You love that she likes you.
16:24She doesn't like me
16:26like me.
16:27Does she?
16:29OK,
16:29maybe a little bit.
16:30Stop smiling!
16:32You're so shallow!
16:33Here we go.
16:34I'm so this,
16:35I'm so that.
16:36Spent my life getting shot on
16:37trying to live up
16:37to your expectations.
16:39Tell you something,
16:39I wouldn't get this from...
16:41Oh, who?
16:42No, go on.
16:42Who?
16:42Who?
16:43Us.
16:45Ow!
16:48Ow!
16:49Simpson!
16:50Kathy,
16:51I refuse to die of boredom.
16:53I am not boring.
16:55You're not gripping.
16:57He wants me to take this.
16:59Since when did you have cocaine?
17:021999.
17:03My brother's bachelor party.
17:04I made sure Hunter
17:05crashed out of singled him
17:07on a blaze
17:08of candy-coated bazongas.
17:10Brrrr!
17:11I am not taking cocaine.
17:12It's irresponsible.
17:13It's meant to be irresponsible.
17:15Suze, tell her.
17:16Drugs can be fun.
17:18Susanna has not taken drugs.
17:20Yes, I have not
17:21taken drugs.
17:23But I hear
17:24that they can be
17:25quite pleasantly
17:26great.
17:27I thought we could do it
17:28and make love
17:29with the Prime Minister.
17:32You are making me
17:34incredibly unhappy, Pete.
17:35Kathy?
17:36No.
17:38No, I'm not going to
17:39share you any longer.
17:39You've got to choose.
17:41It's either swinging
17:42or me.
17:45Oh, Kathy.
17:48I've come home.
17:50No.
17:54Probat!
17:56It's time.
17:57One, two, three, go!
18:15I've got to get through this.
18:16Let's do this, guys.
18:17I've got to get through this.
18:18I've got to make it,
18:19I've got to make it,
18:20I've got to make it through.
18:22Said I'm going to get through.
18:23I'm going to take my,
18:25I've got to make my mind.
18:28Go, yeah!
18:29Go, go!
18:32Give me just a second
18:36and I'll be all right.
18:38Surely one more moment
18:40couldn't break my heart.
18:42Give me till tomorrow
18:43then I'll be okay.
18:45Just another day
18:47and then I'll hold you tight.
18:49When your love is pouring like the rain
18:52I close my eyes and it's gone again
18:54When will I get the chance to say I love you?
18:58Go, Laura! Go, Laura!
19:00No!
19:02Unlucky, Laura!
19:05This is it.
19:06Mano, Imano.
19:08I'm taking your ass down.
19:11Shut up and dance.
19:12I got to get through this.
19:19I got to get through this.
19:21I got to make it, got to make it,
19:23got to make it through.
19:24I said I'm going to get through this.
19:26I'm going to get through this.
19:28I got to take, got to take my mind off of you.
19:31Give me just a second and I'll be alright.
19:35Sure that one more moment could break my heart.
19:38Give me ten to marble and I'll be okay.
19:41Just another day and then I'll punch you tight.
19:47Go, Laura!
19:47Go, Laura!
19:48Go, Laura!
19:49Go, Laura!
19:49Go, Laura!
19:58You're going to get so much pussy.
20:09What was she saying?
20:11Oh, um, congrats.
20:13It was nothing.
20:15Well, well done.
20:18Well, good to see you guys.
20:20I guess the love caravan is rolling on.
20:23You don't have to leave.
20:25Just don't be such a colossal prick.
20:27Don't worry, we're going on a spa break.
20:29Rebuild our relationship.
20:30Nukes tore open the earth around Billericay.
20:32A few hot springs and a shitload of magma.
20:35I'm happy for you, Mom.
20:38You're a natural athlete, Tim.
20:40So fast.
20:41When you have this innate, wonderful rhythm.
20:45I'm going to take all of that face value.
20:46I'm going to take all of the body.
20:48I'm going to take all of you.
20:51Wait.
20:52I'm going to take all of you.
20:55Sure.
20:56You are killing him.
20:57I do not mean to save you.
21:02Yeah, I do not mean to not me.
21:04You have to go with the aunty.
21:05Bye now.
21:06Boom.
21:06Wait, wait, wait, wait, what am I doing?
21:33I'm sorry, Ash, I can't do this.
21:36I just can't.
21:37Everybody wants to get to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
21:41Okay, that's suitably weird.
21:46What's that?
21:56What's that?
21:57Laura!
22:04Laura, run!
22:06I'm the Prime Minister!
22:07Laura!
22:08I'm the Prime Minister!
22:09Laura!
22:10It's democracy!
22:11Laura!
22:12What are you protecting?
22:13There's nothing here that Tom wasn't willing to throw away just like that.
22:17All for one kiss.
22:18Who are you?
22:19You call us Spectrum.
22:20Surrender or die.
22:21You've got a week to the side.
22:22As a dead man once said, shaggers and bitches unite.
22:30As a dead man once said, shaggers and bitches unite.
22:36I see a bad moon rising.
22:43I see trouble on...
22:44Oh no!
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