Too Late To DATE? CALL IN SHOW

Stefan Molyneux

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux breaks down a caller's trauma resentment toward women and dating stagnation to ignite past truths for healthy relational power.  Chapters: 0:00:00 Friendship Dilemmas  0:07:35 The Final Straw  0:08:31 The Weight of Intelligence  0:15:19 Understanding Unhappiness  0:17:36 Patterns of Conflict  0:23:36 The Blame Game  0:34:08 The Cost of Immaturity  0:39:59 Personal Reflections  0:49:43 Toxic Relationships  1:15:00 The Weight of Time  1:20:18 Reinforcing Limitations  1:20:50 A Mirror of Truth   GET FREEDOMAIN MERCH! https://shop.freedomain.com/  SUBSCRIBE TO ME ON X! https://x.com/StefanMolyneux  Follow me on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@freedomain1  GET MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING', THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI, AND THE FULL AUDIOBOOK! https://peacefulparenting.com/  Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!  Subscribers get 12 HOURS on the "Truth About the French Revolution," multiple interactive multi-lingual philosophy AIs trained on thousands of hours of my material - as well as AIs for Real-Time Relationships, Bitcoin, Peaceful Parenting, and Call-In Shows!  You also receive private livestreams, HUNDREDS of exclusive premium shows, early release podcasts, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!  See you soon! https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2025

Transcript

00:00:00The first category is a friend of mine that I'm still deciding if I am going to interact with anymore.

00:00:09The other two are kind of general, just basically a girl's motivation.

00:00:19I have a fourth one.

00:00:20I'm not sure if I should read it.

00:00:24But basically, I wanted to see what your opinion was on a friend of mine that I cut off in

00:00:37October.

00:00:40And yeah, I have a couple of things written down about why I decided to cut the game off.

00:00:48And yeah, I just wanted to go from there.

00:00:51Sure, go ahead.

00:00:54So, he was having a bit of a rough patch back where he used to live.

00:01:01Can I name just states in general?

00:01:05Sure.

00:01:07So, I'm from California and he's from California.

00:01:13And that's where he's living.

00:01:15He's having a hard time.

00:01:16And so, he's having such a hard time that I was like, hey, why don't you come to Texas?

00:01:23It's a little bit easier out here.

00:01:26The financial freedom is a little bit easier to make money out here and whatnot.

00:01:33So, it took him a few months to get everything ready and then he came out here.

00:01:41And when he came out here, I'd had some problems with him in the past.

00:01:50It's like, he's very confrontational, kind of aggressive.

00:01:55But for the most part, when there aren't instances like that, we get along very well and, you know, talk

00:02:03and whatnot.

00:02:05But the night that he arrived was, or the day that he arrived was the day before New Year's.

00:02:15And he kind of smelled bad.

00:02:21And so, I didn't say that he smelled bad.

00:02:25I said, hey, before you go out tonight, because we were going to go out to see New Year's fireworks

00:02:32and whatnot, you should probably put on some deodorant.

00:02:38And he got really offended by that.

00:02:42And I wasn't sure why, because I thought I was doing him a favor by not having him smell bad

00:02:49in front of other people that we might run into and meet.

00:02:54That was one incident.

00:02:57The other incident was I was giving him directions because he didn't want to put on a GPS to get

00:03:08to a place that we were going.

00:03:11And I guess I was too specific with my directions.

00:03:15And he kind of scolded me for telling him how to drive or something like that.

00:03:22When he's kind of new to the place, and I know how people drive around here more than he does.

00:03:31So, I was kind of, I thought I was giving him good advice on how to drive around here compared

00:03:38to where we're from.

00:03:41And, um, the fourth incident was we were playing a game of Risk.

00:03:48Do you know what that game is?

00:03:50I've heard of it. I've never played it.

00:03:52Well, it's a board game.

00:03:54It's kind of like you capture territories with pieces and then roll dice and see how the battle goes.

00:04:00Um, so we were playing that game and again, he's new to the game.

00:04:06He, uh, like you's probably heard of it and probably played it once or twice, but he, um, he's like

00:04:14brand new to it basically.

00:04:15And I was kind of giving them the rundown of how to play and, you know, the rules and everything.

00:04:21And then, uh, I was kind of giving them suggestions on what he could do.

00:04:26And he took it as I was telling them what to do when they were just general suggestions on basically

00:04:35his position in the game and what he could do from there.

00:04:40Um, and he snapped at me and scolded me in front of two other friends.

00:04:47And I was just like, I got really upset about that.

00:04:50And I, when it's someone I care about, I kind of shut down and think if it's my fault or

00:04:58not.

00:04:59And then, but in that moment I shut down for about two minutes and then I got the courage to

00:05:05say, no, uh, don't talk to me like that.

00:05:08I didn't do anything wrong.

00:05:12I was just giving you suggestions.

00:05:15Um, so that was the incident with, uh, the game of risk.

00:05:20And then the last one was kind of the final straw for me, uh, cause, uh, it was pretty big

00:05:30in my eyes.

00:05:32Um, a month previous to the last event, uh, I had rolled my ankle and, um, it was just starting

00:05:42to heal.

00:05:42Uh, cause I'd been, uh, going to the gym and, uh, working out my legs and my ankles, um, to

00:05:50get it fully back up again.

00:05:52Um, but I was still limping pretty bad.

00:05:55So we were, we were on a walk on a trail and it's a paved trail.

00:06:02So, uh, I wasn't like, it was a paid trail.

00:06:06Um, and I wanted to show him a funny song and the funny song is kind of,

00:06:12edgy kind of provocative, um, whatever, but I preamble what to expect from the song and

00:06:24why it's funny and blah, blah, blah before I showed him so that, because I know he's sensitive

00:06:30to these types of things.

00:06:32Um, and so when I did show him the song, he, after only three or four seconds of hearing like

00:06:40the first, yeah, again, the first five seconds of the song, he just handed my phone back to me

00:06:47and got really upset, flipped his arms, uh, wide and then walked off without me.

00:06:55Um, and again, I'm limping along so I can't like fast walk with him.

00:07:00Um, so he just kind of leaves me in the dust and he waits for me about like 20 or

00:07:0830 feet ahead of me.

00:07:09And he waits for me.

00:07:11And when I get back next to him, um, he kind of tells me why he got upset.

00:07:20And I'm just like, okay, well, I don't like, I don't like being around people that just get all, uh,

00:07:29uh, uh, flustered like that for no reason.

00:07:32And plus you're rocking with me and you know, I'm injured.

00:07:36So you would, and in my eyes, you feel like damn near abandoned me.

00:07:42Uh, so that wasn't cool.

00:07:45Uh, that was the final bet.

00:07:48And, uh, sorry, how long ago was that?

00:07:50In October.

00:07:51Okay.

00:07:52Got it.

00:07:53And, uh, when, and you broke with him October, is that right?

00:07:56Yeah.

00:07:57Okay.

00:07:58Got it.

00:08:00Okay.

00:08:00Go on.

00:08:02I'm, I'm debating on whether I want to contact him or not, but the thing is, uh, I've only listened

00:08:11to a few of your calling shows.

00:08:14So I'm not sure about your demeanor on how to talk, uh, to oneself, but, uh, I don't consider myself

00:08:24very high IQ and that friend in particular is

00:08:30way higher IQ than me.

00:08:33And so if, if I would talk to him again, I would be at risk of falling into the almost

00:08:42like falling under a spell again.

00:08:44And like, uh, he could convince me to keep being his friend again.

00:08:50If I decided to talk to him again, does that make sense?

00:08:55Yeah, it does for sure.

00:08:56Go ahead.

00:08:57Um, so I'm still debating that.

00:09:00But the other thing with this friend is, um, in that moment and at other times during our friendship, he

00:09:09reminded me of, he, he didn't remind me of, but he gave me the same feelings as when I get,

00:09:16when I'm around one of my two brothers who used to beat me when I was a kid.

00:09:24Right.

00:09:24Okay.

00:09:25Go on.

00:09:26Well, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

00:09:29Cause he's been my friend since, uh, middle school and, you know, been there for me.

00:09:35Uh, yeah, it's just kind of hard to let go completely.

00:09:41But at the same time, I kind of know that if these things keep on happening and, uh, it's just

00:09:52going to be the same thing over again.

00:09:54And I hate feeling the way I feel when he gets upset at me.

00:10:00And it makes me feel as though I, I need to protect myself or something.

00:10:09Okay.

00:10:10And how old are you?

00:10:1331.

00:10:1431.

00:10:14Okay.

00:10:15And how old is your friend?

00:10:17Same age?

00:10:1830.

00:10:1930.

00:10:19Okay.

00:10:19And is it only more recently that the friendship has become a problem or have there been problems or big

00:10:27problems in the past?

00:10:31Um, there's been little things, uh, here and there.

00:10:34Like, um, this is how we first met.

00:10:38We were on the school bus and I was kind of horsing around on the school bus.

00:10:43And I was going under the seats of the school bus because there's enough room under there to, you know,

00:10:49crawl or whatever.

00:10:50And, uh, he kind of stomps on my feet and, uh, I talk with him after the bus ride and,

00:11:01uh, somehow we became friends after that.

00:11:03Um, and then throughout our friendship, there's been times where I feel like he unnecessarily snapped at me, scolded at

00:11:13me.

00:11:14Um, and, uh, there's, there's one conversation I remember where we were over the phone while I was, uh, in

00:11:26Texas and he was still in California.

00:11:29And I wasn't getting a concept that he was trying to say to me.

00:11:36And, uh, after he explained it twice, I still didn't understand the concept.

00:11:42And he, again, just snapped at me and was like, you're not listening to me.

00:11:47Or, uh, it was, it was more than just that, but it was, it was abrupt and out of nowhere.

00:11:53Uh, so, yeah, a little, a little bit of those things over the course of our friendship.

00:12:02Okay.

00:12:03And how is his life going as a whole?

00:12:06Oh, as a whole?

00:12:07Uh, not very well.

00:12:09Um, I don't want to reveal too much, but he, he went to a college.

00:12:14He went to a good college.

00:12:16Um, he got good marks.

00:12:18Uh, he, uh, saved my life.

00:12:23Money and, um, got into an industry that was, uh, well, good.

00:12:31He lived around where the industry was.

00:12:34Um, and as soon as he was able to find, uh, like an in with the industry, a COVID-19

00:12:45happened.

00:12:45And his boss didn't say this directly to him, but in a roundabout way, he got fired because

00:12:54he didn't take the COVID-19 vaccine.

00:12:57So, uh, that kind of started him on a pessimistic, uh, more pessimistic, uh, outlook of life.

00:13:09Um, and he, he was stating this, this girl and, um, he said that she was nearly perfect for

00:13:23what he wanted, but she didn't want kids and he did.

00:13:27So, uh, he parted with her, uh, so that's been a struggle for him.

00:13:32Um, and, uh, as, as for his parents, I, his dad is awesome.

00:13:42Um, but I know he's had abuse from his mom before.

00:13:48Okay, so is he unemployed or underemployed and without a woman?

00:13:55Um, no, he, uh, he, I think he works at bars or brewery, breweries now.

00:14:02Um, one of his last jobs while he was in California was, uh, uh, at a, a bar.

00:14:10Yeah, I was a bar and, uh, he was a bartender.

00:14:16Sorry, I thought he was this very high IQ guy.

00:14:20Uh, well, the industry that he went in was, um, I don't know exactly what it was, but it

00:14:28was winemaking.

00:14:30Um, and he studied biology before that.

00:14:35Well, but I mean, he's in his, he's, he's 30, you said he's working as a bartender.

00:14:39Yeah.

00:14:40I mean, that's not great relative to his IQ, right?

00:14:42And we can say, you know, I mean, COVID was tough on everyone and so on, but we can say

00:14:47that's not great, right?

00:14:50Yeah.

00:14:51Okay.

00:14:52Now, and this is not to blame him.

00:14:54I'm just sort of, is he happy in his life?

00:14:57I really don't know.

00:14:58I, I would say.

00:15:00No, no, come on, come on, man.

00:15:02He's been your friend for 20 years.

00:15:05Well, he's not happy about his life.

00:15:08I, I don't know.

00:15:09So that's what I'm asking.

00:15:09Like, I can't have, I don't know if you've known the guy for 20 years or 25 years or whatever

00:15:15it is.

00:15:15Right.

00:15:15So, so is he happy in his life?

00:15:19Overall now.

00:15:20Okay.

00:15:20Now, what is it?

00:15:21What do most people do when they're unhappy?

00:15:24I don't know.

00:15:26Well, most people, when they're unhappy, take it out on other people.

00:15:31Oh, okay.

00:15:32I mean, have you noticed that?

00:15:34Uh, misery likes company, that sort of thing?

00:15:38Well, no, that's a little bit different because miserable people prefer being around other

00:15:42miserable people, but people who become miserable most often end up making everyone

00:15:50around them miserable.

00:15:51Oh, okay.

00:15:54So unhappy people take it out on other people.

00:15:57Well, it's the most common response to unhappiness is to take it out on other people.

00:16:05So, for instance, if he's frustrated in his life, then he's most likely to end up making

00:16:13other people frustrated.

00:16:15People who are, have you ever been around a depressed person?

00:16:18Oh, yeah.

00:16:20I've been quite depressed myself.

00:16:21Yeah.

00:16:22Okay.

00:16:23So, when you're around a depressed person, imitate for me, how do they talk?

00:16:30Uh, without hope and negative all the time.

00:16:34Yeah.

00:16:35So, you know, depressed people, they just kind of talk in this heavy way and it's kind

00:16:42of negative and kind of hopeless.

00:16:44And it's like they're putting out this kind of brain fog poison, you know?

00:16:50Yeah.

00:16:51And so, most times, if people are acting a way that produces strong emotions in us, it's

00:16:58because they're refusing to admit those emotions and process those emotions in themselves.

00:17:04So, have you ever been around a passive aggressive person?

00:17:09Yes, I believe so.

00:17:11So, passive aggressive people are angry, but they're not honest about it.

00:17:16So, what they do is they provoke other people into anger.

00:17:21Oh.

00:17:23So, most times, when we are getting strong emotions from someone, it's because they're

00:17:29not being honest about and processing those emotions themselves.

00:17:35Hmm.

00:17:35Okay.

00:17:36Didn't know that.

00:17:37So, when you were trying to explain, remind me of the conflict when you were trying to

00:17:42explain the game, the board game risk.

00:17:46Uh, yeah.

00:17:47Um, we had started the game, he knows the rules now, we're in the game, and, uh, there

00:17:54comes a point where he has to make a decision on his next move, and I'm making suggestions

00:17:59for him.

00:18:00Um, and then he tells me, I forget exactly the words that he used, but he nearly laughed

00:18:10out, and he, he, I, I think he put it like, don't play the game for me.

00:18:17Okay.

00:18:18So, did he accuse you of being sort of rude or intrusive or something like that?

00:18:23I think that was insinuated.

00:18:26Okay.

00:18:29So, did you feel kind of dumb for trying to help him, or bad?

00:18:34I felt embarrassed because he scolded me and two other people that I'm friends with.

00:18:39Oh, he scolded you in front of two other people?

00:18:42Yeah.

00:18:43Okay, so it was kind of humiliating, right?

00:18:45Yeah.

00:18:46Okay, so he inflicted an emotion called humiliation, right?

00:18:51Yeah.

00:18:52And that's why I asked how his life was going.

00:18:57Because do you think, given his education and his intelligence, do you think he feels

00:19:04proud to be working as a bartender?

00:19:06Oh, no, probably not.

00:19:09So, I imagine that he finds his life humiliating.

00:19:14Hmm.

00:19:15Yeah, yeah, that would ring true.

00:19:17Now, he can't be honest, I assume, I'm guessing, I don't know the guy, right?

00:19:22But he can't be honest and say, hey, man, you know, I feel really bad about my life.

00:19:28I feel like I'm a smart guy, I'm well-educated, you know, COVID came along, and now I'm stuck

00:19:33working as a bartender, and this is not where I pictured my life when I was 30, and I can't

00:19:38even get this woman to want to have a child with me, and the whole relationship blew up,

00:19:41and I just, I feel really bad about my life.

00:19:45I mean, has he ever said anything like that?

00:19:48Yes.

00:19:49Okay.

00:19:50And how often does he talk about that stuff?

00:19:56It comes up fairly often, but not every conversation.

00:20:02Maybe out of five conversations, maybe one.

00:20:06Okay.

00:20:07And how does it, so pretend to be him as he's talking about it, so I can get a sense

00:20:12of how

00:20:12he processes where he's at in his life.

00:20:15So pretend to be him telling you about his life.

00:20:21This isn't the America I was told as I was growing up.

00:20:27I was told I would be able to live out the American dream and did everything right.

00:20:34I got good grades in high school, and I went to college and saved up my money, and I didn't

00:20:44get a girl pregnant, and when I did finally land a job, I went to college four and got good

00:20:51grades in college four.

00:20:54I got ousted from the industry, and this just isn't what I was sold on.

00:21:06I did everything right, and now life pretty much screwed me.

00:21:13I don't think America just screwed me.

00:21:17Wow.

00:21:18Isn't that interesting?

00:21:19So he feels that he followed the rules, and therefore he is owed success.

00:21:27Yes.

00:21:28And then you had an argument in some ways about the rules of the game called risk.

00:21:34Yes.

00:21:36I mean, it's not an accident, right?

00:21:38These things tend to have a pattern to them.

00:21:42I've never connected to that.

00:21:45That's why I do that voodoo that I do so well.

00:21:48All right.

00:21:49So you're saying you should change your strategy in the game called risk.

00:21:57Is that right?

00:21:58Yes.

00:21:59Well, I was suggesting it.

00:22:01I wasn't...

00:22:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:02You were suggesting it, for sure.

00:22:03So you were suggesting that he should change his strategy in the game called risk, and he gets angry at

00:22:09you.

00:22:10Mm-hmm.

00:22:11Because he tried being obedient, and it didn't work.

00:22:18Right.

00:22:20Now, whose fault is it that he believed the government?

00:22:27I guess when you believe it's your fault.

00:22:30Well, it's funny because it's government propaganda that says, well, you know, you've got to keep your grades up, kid,

00:22:38and you've got to go to university, and you've got to take on this debt, and blah, blah, blah, blah,

00:22:42blah.

00:22:42And then everything will be good, and you'll have a good living.

00:22:45This is all government propaganda.

00:22:47Mm-hmm.

00:22:49And so it's funny that he thinks that America is somehow about believing government propaganda and doing exactly what the

00:22:58government tells you to do.

00:23:00Yeah, I think he no longer believes that.

00:23:03But, yeah.

00:23:04No, but he's still blaming the government.

00:23:07Oh, right.

00:23:08I mean, what person with half a brain over the age of 12 believes the freaking government?

00:23:15Yeah.

00:23:16I mean, America was, was it founded on believing the government?

00:23:21No.

00:23:22It was actually founded on shooting the government.

00:23:26Right, yeah.

00:23:28So he's frustrated that although he obeyed government propaganda about how to succeed, it didn't work out.

00:23:36And rather than saying, huh, well, I believed what the government told me and what the retarded university told me,

00:23:45I believed all of that, and it didn't work out, rather than saying, well, maybe I should be more skeptical

00:23:50of propaganda, he's angry at the government or whoever lied to him.

00:23:56Right.

00:23:57So he is not taking responsibility for his mistakes.

00:24:02Now, if he was 20 or 21 or 22, I would have more sympathy for him, but he's 30.

00:24:10And when things don't work out for us, I mean, everybody faces this choice in life, right?

00:24:16You have, I still do.

00:24:19When things don't work out for us, we have a choice.

00:24:25We can either say, I made a mistake, or we can say, the system screwed me.

00:24:33Yeah.

00:24:35Now, which do you think is better for long-term mental health?

00:24:40Oh, definitely taking accountability.

00:24:43Yeah.

00:24:44Yeah.

00:24:45Yeah.

00:24:47And the example that I would give, I got deplatformed, like, I don't know, six years ago or five or

00:24:54years ago, whatever it was.

00:24:56And I said, I chose that.

00:24:59I chose to deal with very controversial topics, and I got deplatformed.

00:25:05Okay.

00:25:06And I could say, well, the people who deplatformed me were wrong.

00:25:10And yeah, okay, they were wrong, for sure.

00:25:12But I know that there are wrong and bad people in the world, and I still chose to do it.

00:25:17But it's like the guy who goes into a biker bar and calls everyone some derogatory slur for homosexual.

00:25:26And then he gets beaten up, and he says, the guy, they were wrong to beat me up.

00:25:30It's free speech.

00:25:31And I'm like, well, yeah, they were wrong to beat you up, but you were stupid to do that.

00:25:38Yeah.

00:25:40You can have freedom of speech.

00:25:41Sorry, go ahead.

00:25:42You can have freedom of speech, so long as you're okay with freedom of consequences.

00:25:48Well, sure.

00:25:49And yeah, you should be able to call people the derogatory slur for homosexual and not get beaten up.

00:25:56I mean, in the same way, you should be able to walk down the street shouting the N-word and

00:26:00not get beaten up.

00:26:01But, you know, the world is what it is, right?

00:26:05I'd like to go out and not have to put on SPF 9000 on my German-Irish ass, but I

00:26:11can't do that because I'll go full tomato.

00:26:15So your friend is choosing to blame everyone except himself.

00:26:24Is it?

00:26:25Is it odd that I want to maybe explain a little bit more about his personality or beliefs to defend

00:26:37him?

00:26:38No, listen, I mean, I would rather not.

00:26:40It's certainly it's up to you, but I want to talk about your brother.

00:26:44Okay.

00:26:46So you said you had a brother who was mean to you.

00:26:49Oh, yeah.

00:26:51So what happened?

00:26:52What was he doing as a kid and what is he doing now?

00:26:57Uh, I don't even know what he does now, but I know he works with his hands.

00:27:02So, uh, electrical plumbing, um, technical.

00:27:07No, sorry.

00:27:08I mean, the mean stuff.

00:27:09What was the mean stuff he did to you as a kid?

00:27:12Oh, I see.

00:27:13Um, so I have, uh, two brothers, one sister and, uh, the brother that I'm talking about.

00:27:19Uh, I'm the youngest and, uh, the brother I'm talking about is, uh, the middle brother.

00:27:27Um, and, uh, the only one I can remember just because I don't know what happened to all the other

00:27:35memories, but I know he beat me several times over the course of years.

00:27:39Um, but, uh, the only one I can remember is we were playing this game called Halo 2 and, uh,

00:27:47it was supposed to be a two-player game.

00:27:50Um, and, uh, I was, I was a kid just being a kid, so I just kind of, I jumped

00:27:57off the map and, you know, died and he, he, uh, he got frustrated, uh, started beating me.

00:28:04Um, but other than that, I can't remember a reason why I would give him to go ahead and beat

00:28:11me.

00:28:12Um, the only other thing I remember from my childhood that, uh, he did that was stressed me out very

00:28:20much was, uh, I had a stack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards and I had them exactly in the order

00:28:28that I wanted them on the dresser.

00:28:31And he, I don't know who he was angry at, but he picked them up and then threw them across

00:28:38the room and they all scattered.

00:28:40And that really, it sounds like a little thing, but that just really pissed me off.

00:28:46Um, and, uh, yeah, he did other things to the family to terrorize them.

00:28:56But, um, as far as all I remember is, uh, I remember just my sister saving me from the beating

00:29:05several times, but I don't remember actually being beat that much.

00:29:12Okay.

00:29:13So with the Halo 2 thing, if your brother were to be asked why did he beat you, what would

00:29:21he say?

00:29:22Because, uh, because I wasn't, uh, progressing the game with him.

00:29:27Right.

00:29:27So he would say, I beat my brother because he jumped off the map or fell off the map, right?

00:29:35Yeah.

00:29:36Is that true?

00:29:38Uh, practically, yes.

00:29:40No, it's not true.

00:29:42Oh, okay.

00:29:43I mean, is there anything in physics that says if you jump off the map in Halo 2, your brother

00:29:51has to beat you up?

00:29:53Oh, no.

00:29:54No, it's a choice, right?

00:29:56Mm-hmm.

00:29:56Yeah.

00:29:57Now, your brother would say, I beat my brother up because he jumped off the map in Halo 2, but

00:30:05that's not true.

00:30:07What's the most honest thing he could say why he beat you up?

00:30:12And he had a lot of anger.

00:30:14And what was he angry about?

00:30:17I, I really don't know, but I think he was bullied in school.

00:30:21Okay.

00:30:22So, uh, so did he experience physical punishment at home?

00:30:26Uh, oh yeah.

00:30:27We, we were all spanked as kids.

00:30:29Yeah.

00:30:29Okay.

00:30:30So he's hit at home.

00:30:32He's bullied at school.

00:30:34He's got a lot of anger, right?

00:30:36Mm-hmm.

00:30:37Yeah.

00:30:37So he probably felt helpless and easily frustrated.

00:30:42And so he would say, I beat my brother up because I was being bullied and I chose to bully

00:30:53him to feel better.

00:30:55In other words, I beat my brother up because I was being as much of an asshole to him as

00:31:03mom and dad and people at school were being to me.

00:31:07Uh, yeah, I guess so.

00:31:09Um, I mean, this is a theory and, and it, and it doesn't, I mean, the particulars of why aren't

00:31:15as important as the fact that your friend did not yell at you because you played him a song.

00:31:24Your friend did not yell at you because you gave him, him suggestions in the game of risk.

00:31:31And your brother did not beat you up because you jumped off the map in Halo 2.

00:31:36Hmm.

00:31:37It's because of their own lack of honesty about their own problems.

00:31:44People either talk about their feelings or they act them out.

00:31:50So your brother could say either, I feel really scared and helpless about being hit at home and bullied at

00:31:56school, or he's going to act out that helplessness by transferring that helplessness to you.

00:32:03You know how in the story of the, one of the stories in the Bible is Jesus took the demons

00:32:09out of the people and put them into the pigs and the pigs ran off a cliff.

00:32:13In other words, you can't get rid of the demon unless you say its name.

00:32:16If you don't say its name, all you can do is put the demon into someone else.

00:32:21So your brother was feeling scared and helpless and bullied.

00:32:26So he made you feel what?

00:32:29Scared and helpless and bullied.

00:32:33In danger all the time.

00:32:35Yeah.

00:32:35And so your brother felt in danger at home and at school.

00:32:40And so he made you feel scared all the time.

00:32:44Your friend feels humiliated by his own choices.

00:32:50And so when you try to present him more choices, he humiliates you.

00:32:57Now, the song that you played with him on the walk, when, after you rolled your ankle, was a song

00:33:04that was not politically correct or anti-woke or something like that?

00:33:10Yeah.

00:33:11Yeah.

00:33:11Okay.

00:33:12So this was a song that broke the rules, right?

00:33:19Yeah.

00:33:21And he's angry at having followed the rules.

00:33:25Yeah.

00:33:26We were out in public, too.

00:33:28Right.

00:33:28So he's angry because he followed the rules and it went badly.

00:33:33And then you say, listen to this song that breaks the rules and he gets really upset.

00:33:39That's an interesting way to put it.

00:33:42Well, I think it's accurate.

00:33:44Because people get triggered by things that are very specific and usually for a very deep reason.

00:33:53Okay.

00:33:54Sorry if I'm not responding with the expenses.

00:33:57I'm trying to take this all in.

00:33:59Well, no, no problem.

00:34:00So I don't know, obviously, whether you should keep this friend in your life.

00:34:07But I will tell you this, he is immature and he will continue to act out his emotions on you,

00:34:16which means that you will continue to be frustrated, upset and hurt from time to time.

00:34:22Yeah, that put me in a, well, that feeling of danger that my brother gives me, that after the last

00:34:34time I hung out with my friend, I kept having that feeling every day for two weeks, even though I

00:34:41was nowhere near him and not really talking to him.

00:34:45And so I, I just don't want to feel like that again.

00:34:49And obviously I'm not, I'm a big boy.

00:34:54I can make my own decisions, but, and I pretty much already have, but I just wanted to hear what

00:35:01you would have to say about that.

00:35:03Well, does your friend, does your friend know that you were bullied by your brother?

00:35:07Yeah.

00:35:08Okay, so then when you know things about people, you have a special responsibility to not reproduce what upset them.

00:35:18So if I have a friend who, I don't know, um, if I have a friend who's very easily startled

00:35:27because he was bullied a lot as a child, then I should not think it's very funny to do a

00:35:33jump scare on him.

00:35:34Right.

00:35:35Right.

00:35:36Because that's really upsetting to him.

00:35:39My other friend might just laugh, but this friend would be very upset by that.

00:35:44So I shouldn't do it.

00:35:45Right.

00:35:45Cause I know my friend, I know that jump scares are not fun for him because of his history.

00:35:49So I wouldn't do it.

00:35:50Right.

00:35:51Yeah.

00:35:53If, uh, if I have a very thin friend and I call him fatty, I'm not that I would, but

00:35:59let's just say, right.

00:36:00You know how like giant guys in the motorcycle gangs are always called tiny.

00:36:05Oh yeah.

00:36:06So if I have a friend who's very thin and I call him fatty, I mean, it wouldn't be as

00:36:12offensive as if I have a friend who's obese and I call him fatty.

00:36:17Yeah.

00:36:18So now, I mean, if your friend goes to therapy or studies some self-knowledge or figures out the cause

00:36:24and effect, but he's blaming society for his bad choices.

00:36:30Now I'm not talking about when he was 18 or 19 or whatever.

00:36:34And, you know, maybe he's got a lot of student debt and that's another reason why he's frustrated.

00:36:39Maybe that's why he feels he's trapped now and so on.

00:36:41Um, but there's a big lesson to be learned, which is, okay, I followed the thing that the government told

00:36:48me to do and it didn't work out.

00:36:50So maybe I should be more skeptical of the government and stop swallowing propaganda like a fish with a hook.

00:36:56Okay, then, then you've learned an important lesson, but instead he's blaming everyone and everything but himself, which means his

00:37:06life isn't going to get better.

00:37:07I mean, our life only gets better to the degree that we take responsibility for our life.

00:37:12Yeah.

00:37:13Well, the funny thing is the only reason why I know of you is because of this friend and his

00:37:23dad.

00:37:24So I'm not, I'm not sure why he, uh, he wasn't able to parse that out himself.

00:37:30Well, there's lots of people who listen to me the same way that someone might flip through a diet book,

00:37:35but never change their diet.

00:37:38You know, I, I remember flipping through Arnold Schwarzenegger's book on working out.

00:37:43Do you think I look like Arnold Schwarzenegger?

00:37:45Oh, no.

00:37:47I do not.

00:37:48I will tell you that.

00:37:49I do not.

00:37:50Uh, okay.

00:37:51All right.

00:37:51So what's the second thing that you wanted to talk about?

00:37:56Um, well, I wrote down something.

00:37:59The second thing that I think would, uh, add to this, uh, conversation, um, it's labeled beliefs about myself.

00:38:09Um, I'm sure I have more than this, but this is what I could think of in time that I

00:38:13had.

00:38:14Uh, so, um, I already told you that I, uh, score a little bit low on IQ.

00:38:24Um, um, I don't really recognize when people like me, so people kind of have to tell me that they

00:38:32like me.

00:38:33Um, that's, that's something that I've noticed.

00:38:36Um, I like dipping into taboo beliefs.

00:38:42Um, and then the last one is, I know I can do anything, uh, I want to, but I burn

00:38:52out pretty quickly and lose those motivations.

00:38:58Um, so under, under one of the other categories that I wanted to talk about was motivation.

00:39:05And, um, I have here that I am not really driven that much by money.

00:39:11So if I was driven by money, then I'd be either working, you know, 20 hours a day or getting

00:39:18some sort of training to make more money in whatever field, uh, stuff like that.

00:39:24Um, um, as I said before, I periodically get depressed and I don't have much hope for the future.

00:39:35Um, and the last one is more practical.

00:39:40I can't seem to stick to a healthy lifestyle.

00:39:43Um, so now I'll go maybe two or three months to the gym and, you know, eating healthier, not necessarily

00:39:52all the way, but healthier.

00:39:54And, uh, and then I burn out pretty quickly on that.

00:40:00Um, not sure what we can talk about as far as that, but, uh, that's what I have written down.

00:40:09Well, what is the status of dating and family formation?

00:40:16I haven't dated in about eight years.

00:40:19Why the hell not?

00:40:21Well, hold on.

00:40:22Let me count.

00:40:24Oh, no, no, no, no.

00:40:25Sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:40:26Counting way too far back.

00:40:29Uh, six years.

00:40:31Yeah.

00:40:32Yeah.

00:40:32That's not as big a difference as you think it is.

00:40:36Well, I just want to be accurate.

00:40:38Okay.

00:40:39Um, why don't you date?

00:40:43I, well, I don't want to be provocative to you.

00:40:48I don't know how you'll take this, but if I read you something or you're going to be like upset

00:40:54at me or whatever.

00:40:56I mean, I doubt it.

00:40:57I, I'm not easily offended, but go ahead.

00:41:00Well, the first thing isn't very provocative.

00:41:02I've had two exes that were completely toxic.

00:41:07Um, I learned a little bit about woman psychology and I kind of resent it.

00:41:15Um, and then the last one is I no longer really take women seriously or really respect them.

00:41:22Um, oh, so are you judging women as a whole by your screwed up ex-girlfriends?

00:41:29Um, yeah, and my mom, yeah.

00:41:33And your mom.

00:41:34Okay.

00:41:34All right.

00:41:35So those are three examples of toxic women and this flows out to billions and billions of women.

00:41:42Yeah, no, it's kind of messed up.

00:41:45Well, no, I'm just, I just, just want to make sure I understand where you're coming from.

00:41:50Yeah.

00:41:50So basically when I see a woman, um, I hardly look at her as a potential someone that I could

00:42:00potentially date.

00:42:01Uh, yeah, it's, it's just kind of hard for me to do that.

00:42:07Sorry, you said the ideal woman.

00:42:09I didn't quite follow the thought.

00:42:12Um, whenever I, I see a woman, I don't see someone that I can date.

00:42:20I see someone that takes and doesn't give.

00:42:25Okay.

00:42:25Got it.

00:42:26Okay.

00:42:27That's, that's fine.

00:42:27So that you don't date because you think that all women are toxic.

00:42:32I'm not mocking you.

00:42:33I'm just want to make sure I understand your, your thinking.

00:42:35If that's what it boils down to, then yes.

00:42:39Well, I don't want to go on a theory.

00:42:42You said you understand female psychology and you think that all women are takers.

00:42:49Uh, I have only like a few examples of good women.

00:42:53Um, and, uh, yeah, I'm not sure what to do with that.

00:42:59Okay.

00:42:59So I know, I know me, I'm sorry, go ahead.

00:43:01I know all women aren't toxic and I know all women aren't just out to take and not give.

00:43:10But, um, when, when you can't tell the difference and you have a hard time even categorizing what's a red

00:43:20flag and what's not a red flag, uh, in real time, then I'm just constantly on guard.

00:43:27Um, got it.

00:43:28Yeah.

00:43:29I mean, if I can't tell the difference between wolves and dogs, I don't want to be around either.

00:43:34Okay.

00:43:35So tell me what was toxic about your mother and your two ex-girlfriends.

00:43:40Uh, well, uh, I, I know a little bit about your beliefs, so, uh, this might sound wrong in your

00:43:49perspective, but my dad spanked me when I did something wrong and my mom hit me even if I didn't

00:43:57do anything wrong.

00:43:59Um, so in my mind, one was right and one was wrong.

00:44:04Um, and she did other things and she played favorites on, uh, the kids, um, and, uh, I can't think

00:44:20of clear examples except for one thing.

00:44:23And I was, I was kind of, uh, rolling around in my head what went wrong with my ex, uh,

00:44:29years back.

00:44:31And, uh, um, I got, I got to, uh, a one word, um, thing where it, you know, I was

00:44:39trying to think about it.

00:44:40And then, uh, I thought in a roundabout way that it was my fault and, um, I was talking to

00:44:49my parents about it and when I was blaming her or blaming toxicity or whatever, um, my mom would be,

00:45:01oh, I don't know what the word, dismissive, um, more dismissive of the conversation.

00:45:08But the one time I say that it was my fault, she, she says, oh, good.

00:45:17Yeah.

00:45:17Or something like that.

00:45:19She's like, she, she pretty much was like, yeah, you're right.

00:45:23And I was just like, are you kidding me?

00:45:26Like you're supposed to be my mom.

00:45:28Your mom said you're right.

00:45:30It is your fault.

00:45:31Yeah.

00:45:32Okay.

00:45:33So do you think that your mom is worse than your father?

00:45:37Oh, yeah.

00:45:38Yeah.

00:45:38Uh, you're wrong.

00:45:40Oh, okay.

00:45:41Sorry to be, sorry to be annoying.

00:45:42No, because your father chose your mother.

00:45:45Oh, oh boy.

00:45:47Yeah.

00:45:47Okay.

00:45:47He chose to date her.

00:45:49He chose to get engaged to her.

00:45:51He chose to get married to her.

00:45:52He chose to have a bunch of kids with her and he chose to keep her around.

00:45:57Yeah.

00:45:58If I bring home a rabid pit bull that bites members of my family, would people be mad at the

00:46:05pit bull?

00:46:06Oh no.

00:46:07They'd be mad at the master.

00:46:09Yeah.

00:46:09They'd be mad at me bringing home the pit bull.

00:46:11Your father chose to have children with a violent and abusive mother.

00:46:18Yep.

00:46:19And he did not protect you from her, right?

00:46:23No, quite the opposite.

00:46:25He kept you in the environment.

00:46:26Did he ever say to your mother, you've got to stop hitting the kids.

00:46:30You've got to stop yelling at the kids.

00:46:31You've got to stop playing favorites and you've got to be nicer.

00:46:35Did he ever tell that to her?

00:46:39Sorry.

00:46:40Could you hear me?

00:46:40I said no.

00:46:41No.

00:46:42Okay.

00:46:43So how is he better than her if he chose her, gave her children and kept her in authority over

00:46:52his children?

00:46:54Uh, if you want a real answer, uh, because he didn't treat us that way.

00:47:00Well, if he didn't treat you that way, then he thought it was wrong to treat children that way.

00:47:06Okay.

00:47:07Do you see what I mean?

00:47:09Oh, yes.

00:47:10Yes.

00:47:10I see what you mean.

00:47:11Yeah.

00:47:12She, she would never do it in front of him.

00:47:15Hey, I don't, I don't remember.

00:47:18I don't even know if he specifically knew, but, uh.

00:47:22No, hang on, hang on.

00:47:23So, if you had a good enough relationship with your father and you truly trusted your father,

00:47:30if your mother abused you, what would you do?

00:47:35Uh, I suppose I would tell him.

00:47:38Yeah, you'd say to dad, hey man, you hit me, at least I know why she hits me, I don't

00:47:42even know why.

00:47:44And what would you expect your father to do if he was a really good man?

00:47:50That's a loaded question.

00:47:52Not really.

00:47:53He thinks it's wrong to hit children for no reason.

00:47:57So, if your mother is hitting you for no reason and you tell your father, what would he do if

00:48:01he was a really good man?

00:48:03Uh, if he was a really good man, uh, I still have a hard time with that question.

00:48:12If I told him that, then he would say there, there was a, there was a reason for it, or

00:48:18she had a good reason for it.

00:48:20Okay, so you didn't tell your father because he would side with your mother.

00:48:26Yes.

00:48:26Okay, so he believed that she was in the right and you were in the wrong and that she was

00:48:32a good mother for hitting you when you didn't deserve it, at least in this formulation.

00:48:38Yes.

00:48:40So, how is he better than her?

00:48:43However, if he agrees with her and supports her and defends her right to hit children whenever she wants.

00:48:50In that context, it's not, or he's not.

00:48:55Yeah, I mean, I always, I call it the one parent who gets away.

00:48:59Well, my mother was really bad, but my dad was great.

00:49:02No, they're a team.

00:49:04They're like the bank robber and the getaway driver.

00:49:07The getaway driver doesn't rob the bank, but he's the reason why the bank is being robbed.

00:49:13In other words, if they didn't have a getaway driver, they wouldn't rob the bank, right?

00:49:17Right.

00:49:17And so, your mother was able to harm you and your siblings because she knew for sure that your father

00:49:27would side with her and support her in what she did.

00:49:31Yeah.

00:49:31So, how is he better if she only did it because of his approval and defense?

00:49:39Uh, yeah.

00:49:40No, that's not better.

00:49:42No.

00:49:44So, what was toxic about your exes?

00:49:49Um, and I, uh, so there's this girl that another friend of mine introduced me to, and, uh, she was

00:50:01kind of shocked.

00:50:01Uh, so we just hung out and talked for a little while, um, and, uh, eventually over, over course of

00:50:11days or however long, uh, we started dating and, um, she, uh, she, she liked to play it.

00:50:20Um, and she liked to tell me different stories about the same event that ended differently with me versus other

00:50:33people and then try and pit people against each other around her.

00:50:38Um, and, uh, um, she, she acted like a victim, uh, in front of other people and, uh, like blamed,

00:50:52uh, people around her for, uh, her feeling like a victim.

00:50:58Um, it was so long ago.

00:51:00A little, a little bit like your friend, but anyway, go on.

00:51:03Yeah, it was, it was so long ago now that I, I can't remember like specific examples.

00:51:08Okay, no, that's fine.

00:51:09So, so why were you with her?

00:51:12Oh my goodness.

00:51:14I was so naive about people.

00:51:18No, you weren't.

00:51:19Come on.

00:51:20You, you grew up with a toxic mother.

00:51:21What do you mean you were naive?

00:51:23Well, this was a long time.

00:51:25This is about, oh, I don't know.

00:51:28I was probably.

00:51:30How attractive was she?

00:51:32She's very attractive.

00:51:34Okay.

00:51:34So you were horny.

00:51:36Yeah.

00:51:37Yeah.

00:51:37I mean, that's fine.

00:51:38I'm, I've no, I've no problem with that.

00:51:39That's why we're all here.

00:51:40So I'm not going to complain about it.

00:51:42So you were with her because of sex.

00:51:48Uh, we didn't have sex.

00:51:51No.

00:51:51And how long did the relationship last?

00:51:54It was on and off for about three years.

00:51:57And this was in your early twenties?

00:51:59Uh, late, late, mid to late teens.

00:52:02Okay.

00:52:03And what about your second ex?

00:52:05The one that you last dated six years ago?

00:52:09Um, man, that one, she was, I don't know how else to put this, but she was like a fanatical

00:52:18liberal.

00:52:18And at the time I was not really that political.

00:52:22Um, and so I didn't see the red flags there, but, um, she, oh, I don't know how to put

00:52:33it.

00:52:33But she was so depressed that she made me depressed.

00:52:38Um, and she would, I don't know how she managed to do this, but she isolated me to the point

00:52:48where I, at one point, wasn't hanging out with my friends at all.

00:52:54Uh, barely talked or saw my parents.

00:52:58Um, and, uh, and then, um, there were points where, like, we, we were just, I don't know, going through

00:53:12the motions of everyday life.

00:53:14And there would be random points where she would say, like, oh, I don't, I don't know if the way

00:53:23you talk to me is abusive or not.

00:53:27Um, I kind of want to put this on, or post, uh, post this on Facebook and, um, see, see

00:53:36what other people think.

00:53:37I'm so sorry.

00:53:38Post what on Facebook?

00:53:39Recordings of you?

00:53:40Uh, I think there were texts between us.

00:53:43Okay.

00:53:44So, sorry.

00:53:44So how, how long were you together with this woman?

00:53:47For about four years.

00:53:48Okay.

00:53:49And I assume you had sex with her.

00:53:52Yes.

00:53:53Okay.

00:53:53Now, if she was someone that you knew you couldn't have sex with, for whatever reason, maybe she was asexual,

00:54:01maybe she was a lesbian, or maybe she was married to someone.

00:54:04If she was just a woman that you would have no sexual access to at all, would you have been

00:54:09her friend for four years?

00:54:12Not for that long, no.

00:54:13Maybe for about two.

00:54:14You would have been friends with a depressed super liberal who tried to isolate you for two years, even with

00:54:21no sexual access.

00:54:22I mean, she was fun to talk to.

00:54:27You and I both know that there's no way in hell that you would have been friends with such a

00:54:32depressed, crazy woman for years if there was not the possibility or fact to sexual access.

00:54:38Probably not, no.

00:54:39Now, when your mother was younger, how attractive was she?

00:54:44I don't know.

00:54:46You've never seen a picture of your mother when she was younger?

00:54:49I've seen pictures of her, but, like, I don't know how else to say this, but if you're mean to

00:54:57me, your face looks ugly, and if you're nice to me, your face looks attractive.

00:55:03So, she's never...

00:55:04Okay, don't snow me, bro, because I already asked you about the girl who was mean to you in your

00:55:09mid to late teens, and you said she was very attractive.

00:55:12Oh, you got me there.

00:55:13Yeah, sorry.

00:55:14Nice try.

00:55:15Listen, that's a really good try.

00:55:16I appreciate the effort.

00:55:17All right.

00:55:18What's your...

Category

Transcript

Comments

Recommended