- 13 hours ago
Philosopher Stefan Molyneux's 22 April 2026 flash livestream unpacks "The Remains of the Day"'s vulnerability voids, British repression chains and hoarded emotions to forge honest growth and unbreakable bonds.
0:00:00 Thoughts on "The Remains of the Day"
0:26:27 The Challenge of Honesty
0:33:20 The Fear of Vulnerability
0:39:09 The Power of Directness
0:46:15 A Call to Action
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0:00:00 Thoughts on "The Remains of the Day"
0:26:27 The Challenge of Honesty
0:33:20 The Fear of Vulnerability
0:39:09 The Power of Directness
0:46:15 A Call to Action
GET FREEDOMAIN MERCH! https://shop.freedomain.com/
SUBSCRIBE TO ME ON X! https://x.com/StefanMolyneux
Follow me on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@freedomain1
GET MY NEW BOOK 'PEACEFUL PARENTING', THE INTERACTIVE PEACEFUL PARENTING AI, AND THE FULL AUDIOBOOK!
https://peacefulparenting.com/
Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free!
Subscribers get 12 HOURS on the "Truth About the French Revolution," multiple interactive multi-lingual philosophy AIs trained on thousands of hours of my material - as well as AIs for Real-Time Relationships, Bitcoin, Peaceful Parenting, and Call-In Shows!
You also receive private livestreams, HUNDREDS of exclusive premium shows, early release podcasts, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!
See you soon!
https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2025
Category
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LearningTranscript
00:00Hey, good evening, my friends. Hope you're doing well.
00:04Flash live stream tonight. Happy to take questions. Have some thoughts.
00:08Some interesting thoughts. I hope you guys don't mind.
00:11Too, too much if I get a little bit personal, a little bit open the heart to the skies above
00:20and the digits that surround us. I think it'll be helpful. I think it's important.
00:24Because I was talking to some friends today about a movie 33 years ago called The Remains of the Day.
00:36I don't know if you've seen the movie with Emma Thompson and Anthony Hopkins.
00:41And I think Christopher Reeve shows up in it after his battle with depression and insecurity and so on.
00:47And prior to his terrible fall off a horse and his subsequent death from a variety of cancer treatments
00:56that were supposed to restore his spine and so on.
01:00But I was talking about it with some friends today, the movie.
01:04And you don't have to have watched the movie.
01:06I'll simply reference it as a starting point.
01:08You don't have to have watched the movie in order to get a value out of what it is that
01:15I'm talking about.
01:15But I think it's a really important topic.
01:18So, the movie is kind of about a twisted, almost love story,
01:25a twisted, tangled, repressed, almost love story
01:28between, you know, a sort of fairly fiery young feminist
01:32and a very stodgy older British man who is super professional and cold-hearted.
01:41I think it was actually written originally by a Japanese fellow.
01:44And it seems to be a little bit more Japanese than British.
01:48Britain has, of course, its famous...
01:50England has its famous repression, but it also has its sex pistols.
01:54It has its Russell Brands and other kinds of anti-establishment figures.
02:02It has its Monty Pythons and so on.
02:04Not really so much of that in the Japanese world.
02:08So, I think it's a little bit more of a Japanese story than a British story, but it's an interesting
02:14story.
02:14And I wanted to tell you what I got out of it, which actually was quite life-changing.
02:19And led me closer down the path of falling in love and staying in love,
02:23which is kind of the fruit and point and joy, really, of life as a whole.
02:30So, I'll give you a little bit about it.
02:33Love to get your thoughts about what I'm saying or about whatever else is on your mind.
02:39So, again, this is going to be a little personal,
02:43but the personal is the philosophical in many ways.
02:46Because the life lessons that I've got from philosophy
02:49have had by far the most impact and effect on my personal life.
02:54So, I kind of wanted to share all of that.
02:57So, I'll tell you what I think.
03:00Now, vulnerability is a very interesting thing in the world.
03:04A very interesting thing, indeed.
03:07Vulnerability is when you are honest about things that upset you.
03:12In particular, vulnerability can also be...
03:15It's showing your emotions, but vulnerability tends to be the hardest
03:20when someone has done something to upset us.
03:25And vulnerability, very often, and this is certainly true when I was in boarding school
03:30and other places, sort of neck-deep or knee-deep in the British culture,
03:34vulnerability was very tough because you would just be mocked and laughed at
03:39and scorned and eye-rolled.
03:41And Douglas Murray does this exquisite, vicious, verbal, cold-hearted, semi-sociopathic attack
03:49on all that he disapproves of and so on.
03:52It's catty as hell and low testosterone as far as it could be conceived of.
03:57But vulnerability.
04:00Vulnerability.
04:01So, for me, when I was younger...
04:04I think this is true for a lot of people.
04:05I want to speak for me.
04:06For me, when I was younger, when I was hurt, when someone had done something to upset me,
04:14I pulled a full-on plate armor armadillo.
04:19And I would retreat to my lair.
04:23I would curl up and I would...
04:26It's funny, you know, there's a kind of sick joy in that isolation.
04:32Well, I'm going to show them how hurt I am and so on.
04:36And I remember my mother was always nagging me to clean up and to tidy up and so on.
04:40And I'm actually a pretty tidy person as an adult, but I kind of hated it as a kid just
04:44because I hated her authority in general.
04:47And I remember having this thought as a kid, which I had quite repeatedly, which was that
04:55my mom just liked to sit down and blather.
04:57I mean, just honestly, just blather and blather at me, just this absolute stream of language.
05:06I reproduced it a little bit with the mother in my recent novel called Dissolution, which
05:10you should definitely check out, freedemand.com slash books.
05:13It's free.
05:14It's great.
05:14It will expand your heart and mind, guaranteed.
05:19And I remember I would take this pleasure almost as a little kid because she'd constantly
05:24been nagging me to tidy up.
05:26And then whenever she would sit down and corner me, oh, it was gross.
05:32She'd sit there and corner me and tell me all about her love life and her health issues
05:35and what was going on at work.
05:36And it's just, you know, some people just come at you with endless amounts of language,
05:41says the guy who has over 6,000 podcasts.
05:43But it's different, man.
05:45And I'm trying to connect and I remember thinking, okay, fine, fine.
05:48You can nag me.
05:49You can nag me to clean up all the time.
05:51Then the next time you sit down to swallow me up, whale and Jonah style and one of your
05:58endless Germanic gab fest, what I'm going to do is say, oh, I'm sorry, mom.
06:01I can't talk right now.
06:03I have to go tidy.
06:04Oh, there was this little petty jab of satisfaction, even at the thought and the idea.
06:09And of course, when my mom was in a bad mood, then she would, you know, pace around
06:15the place and look for something to criticize and then just unleash and unload on that.
06:19She always needed an excuse.
06:20Everybody needs an excuse when they are feeling super crabby to unleash, unload.
06:29And I remember the couple of times that I said, oh, I can't talk.
06:34I've got to go tidy.
06:35Of course, she said, no, you can do that later.
06:39Right?
06:40Because she wanted to talk.
06:42And if people had upset me, if people had upset me,
06:45people had been, you know, as I perceived it, you know, heartless or cold or mean or
06:49thoughtless or inconsiderate or selfish or whatever it was, then I would just not literally
06:54curl up, but in my mind, I would just sort of curl up in a ball, show my armored side
06:58to the universe and not let anyone in.
07:03And there's two little scraps of songs that have always given me goosebumps about this kind
07:07of early mentality.
07:09One is from a song by Pete Townsend on the novel White City.
07:13From my window, I see rooms.
07:15And at the end of the song, he says, I got to hide out.
07:18Yeah, hide out.
07:20And it's just really, he's quite passionate about it.
07:22And that hiding out, this sort of curl up in a ball, don't let anyone in.
07:27There's a Alan Parsons song, Don't Let It Show, similar sort of idea.
07:32And then there's a song, very early Queen's song.
07:36I should be waiting for the song, but anyway, I've got to hide away.
07:42And ba-da-da-dum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum, and that, I gotta hide away, I've gotta keep myself
07:47safe, there are predators out there, I've gotta curl into a ball, don't let it show.
07:52That hoarding of emotion was one of the biggest temptations I had as a child.
08:01To be superior, to be indifferent, to make other people work to please me, to be emotionally
08:06distant, to be judgy, to be superior, to be, all of these things, was such a drug.
08:13Oh my gosh, tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.
08:18I loved it, and hated it, and so on.
08:20It was a kind of sickness.
08:22I will certainly accept that as a generalized thesis.
08:26It was a kind of sickness of self-protection.
08:30And in that movie, and I thought about it sort of beforehand, when I read, one of the
08:35first books I read on self-knowledge was The Psychology of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel
08:40Brandon, which I came in through my friend who was into Rush, the drummer was into Objectivism.
08:45I read Ayn Rand, and through Ayn Rand, who took as her lover, the psychologist Nathaniel
08:50Brandon, I got into Nathaniel Brandon, and started to really pursue self-knowledge that
08:56way.
08:56And I remember, I think Nathaniel Brandon, one of his wives, drowned in a swimming pool,
09:02and he just, you know, howled with agony, curled up, and just let all the feelings course
09:08through him.
09:10And I've always had a sort of question, I've mulled it back and forth, I think I've settled
09:16on it to some degree.
09:18I've always had a, what happens to emotions that you don't express, right?
09:22What happens to emotions you don't express?
09:25You like some girl, but you don't say anything, what happens to that?
09:31What happens to that?
09:32You're angry, but you don't say anything.
09:34You're hurt, but you keep it to yourself.
09:37You're frustrated, but you pretend you're fine to look cool.
09:40You're nervous, but you put on a brave face, a brave front.
09:43What happens to all the emotions that aren't expressed, that you don't speak, that you don't
09:49say, that you don't reveal, that you don't communicate?
09:52Where do they go?
09:53Now, of course, there's a theory.
09:55There's a theory which says that if you don't express your anger, it's bottled up, it seethes
10:03down there like an overheated boiler on a ship or a train.
10:09It just heats up.
10:11It glows.
10:12It gets orange.
10:13The coal gets fed in.
10:15It doesn't get any release.
10:16And then it blows.
10:17And that's sort of a theory of violence, that there's all this repressed anger, maybe fear,
10:23coursing around in your innards.
10:25The body keeps the score.
10:26It just gets bottled up, it circulates, it increases, it pushes against the boundaries
10:32and then it blows out.
10:33And that's a theory.
10:37There is a big theory of art that says the actors express what we cannot on the stage and
10:47we are released of those emotions.
10:50We are released of those emotions.
10:53I don't know that that's true, but that's sort of a theory of art.
10:58And I will say, from the ripe old age of pushing 60 years old, I will say that I don't
11:05particularly
11:06believe that anymore.
11:09I don't particularly believe that anymore.
11:11I'll tell you why.
11:12And I think this is really important because if you can't be honest, open, direct, and vulnerable,
11:16you can't be in love because you can't connect with anyone.
11:19You end up hauling around this big, giant, fiery, dull moat around you and nobody can
11:27get close.
11:28Nobody can get close.
11:29And it's a lonely, ghastly, empty experience.
11:35I say this having had some experience of that isolation, but it's brutal.
11:40I'll tell you what I think of emotions that are unexpressed.
11:45I think emotions that are unexpressed, vulnerabilities that aren't talked about, sadness that is not
11:52spoken of, I don't think it bottles up.
11:55I don't think it bottles up.
11:57I think all those feelings just die.
12:01They just die.
12:03I'll give you an analogy.
12:05I know that analogy, of course, is not proof, but hopefully it will clarify what it is that
12:08I'm talking about.
12:09And I will sort of end this little speech with a plea for directness and honesty.
12:15So think of emotions like muscles.
12:18Now, if you don't exercise, your muscles atrophy, they wither, they fade.
12:24You end up with pure on Timothy Chalamet toothpick arms.
12:28You've got nothing, nothing on your bones but tendons and skin and weakness and sorrow and
12:36laziness.
12:37So if you don't exercise, your muscles don't burrow somewhere deep in your body and then
12:44get stronger and stronger until they blow and bust out like Elizabeth Smart at a bodybuilding
12:51competition.
12:51They just wither and die and just aren't there.
12:59All the unexpressed emotions, all the unexpressed thoughts and passions, they don't burrow into
13:07the body and begin to heat and vibrate and shake and build up pressure until they blow
13:15any more than if you don't work out, you don't lift weights.
13:18Your muscles don't just burrow down into your body and only seem to disappear, but instead
13:23gain strength in there and suddenly you're super jacked because you're upset and you just
13:29can't hold it back anymore.
13:31That's not the way that works.
13:33Unexpressed emotions don't burrow and plot and grow and stretch and strive against resistance.
13:43Unexpressed emotions curl up in your heart, tap weakly on the glass, take a deep breath and
13:51just fucking die.
13:54No, just die.
13:56If you like a whole series of girls, but you don't talk to them, you don't act on it, it's
14:02not like this massive liking of girls takes residence and then will blow and you'll go and
14:07talk to all the girls later.
14:08No, it just dies.
14:10It ends.
14:12It fades away like unstressed, untested muscles.
14:19And if you hoard your feelings your whole life, you don't go to your grave full of anything.
14:25You go to your grave empty of everything.
14:30There is zero price at the end of your life for all your unexpressed thoughts and feelings.
14:37There's no backup price.
14:39There's no consolation price.
14:42There's no reward.
14:44Everything that you hoard dies with you.
14:48Everything you share lives on.
14:51You know, if you're a wealthy guy and you decide to, later in your life, you take all your money,
14:59I don't know, $10 million, a lot of money, right?
15:01Take all your money and you convert it to gold and you bury it in the middle of nowhere
15:05in an unmarked spot.
15:09Well, do you get any prizes for that when you die?
15:12You do not.
15:13But all that happens is that all the wealth you hoarded, all the wealth you built up,
15:19all the wealth you grew, all the wealth you refused to share, dies with you.
15:24And it's like it never was.
15:27And that movie, The Remains of the Day, was about a man who failed to express his emotions.
15:33In other words, he was a liar.
15:36He was a liar.
15:38He was a liar.
15:38He felt things but denied them.
15:40He claimed to be absolutely practical, non-sentimental, uninterested in romance.
15:46And then the woman finds him reading a silly romance novel.
15:52And he says, I only read it for developing some language skills,
15:58not because I care about this silly story.
16:00But he did care.
16:01I mean, everybody knows that Anthony Hopkins is a fantastic actor,
16:04particularly for repressed people.
16:07I would not be a great actor for repressed people at all.
16:11Anthony Hopkins is great at that.
16:15And what bothers me about emotionally repressed people and what bothered me about me
16:21when I was hoarding all of my emotions and curling up armadillo style
16:26and not calling and not sharing and not speaking the truth was I was a liar.
16:32Big, stinky, filthy, pig-nippled, bottomless, topless, endless, greased liar.
16:42I lied.
16:44Something bothering you?
16:45Nope.
16:46You okay?
16:46Fine.
16:48Anything the matter?
16:49Nope.
16:50You sure you're good?
16:50I'm good.
16:51I'm fine.
16:51That's called being a big old stinky pants on fire liar.
16:58If you care about people, for heaven's sakes, tell them.
17:04If someone does something that bothers you, for heaven's sakes, tell them.
17:11We're not mind readers out here.
17:14If you want something, for heaven's sakes, ask for it.
17:19If you don't want something, for heaven's sakes, say no.
17:23Because all of my coolness and misdirection and cover-up and counter-signaling and armadilloing
17:30was all hiding, I mean, one sort of basic essential fact, that I was lying myself into
17:38inert oblivion.
17:40I mean, it's an old cliche and a fairly mediocre song.
17:45Tomorrow never comes.
17:46Oh, I'll stop being more honest tomorrow.
17:49You say that every day, and you'll never do it.
17:52Because there's always tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow creeps in this petty bass from
17:56day to day to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools
18:00the way to dusty death out, out, brief candle-lifes, but a walking shadow of poor player who
18:05struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard in a morris, a tale told
18:10by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, nothing.
18:15I'll tell the truth tomorrow.
18:16I'll be honest tomorrow.
18:17I'll be open tomorrow.
18:18I'll ask for what I want tomorrow.
18:20I'll ask the girl out tomorrow.
18:21I'll do it tomorrow.
18:22I'll change careers tomorrow.
18:24I'll learn how to play guitar tomorrow.
18:26I'll do it tomorrow.
18:27I'll tidy up.
18:28I'll go to the dentist tomorrow.
18:29I'll do it tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes, and then, of course,
18:37you know, people say your life flashes before your eyes when you're dying, sort of Albert
18:44Brooks defending your lifestyle.
18:45Oh, it's gonna flash before your eyes when you're dying, and what flashes before your eyes?
18:54What flashes before your eyes?
18:56I was terrified of this, my friends.
18:59I was icy balls terrified of this, that when I would get to the end of my life, if I
19:07hoarded
19:07an armadillo and kept everything to myself, that it would all die with me, and I would
19:11all look back upon everything I had not done and say, well, what the fuck was the point of
19:19that?
19:20I didn't ask for what I wanted in life.
19:22Does that give me any prizes?
19:23Nope.
19:25I was scared to ask the girl out.
19:28Did I get any consolation prize?
19:30Nope.
19:31I didn't want to ask for that raise.
19:33I was too nervous to change jobs.
19:35I was bored, but I wouldn't do anything.
19:37Do you get anything back at the end of your life for all of that?
19:40No.
19:43Absolutely not.
19:45All you get is regret.
19:49On that last day, you know, I think we get a sense of this, assuming we're not like hit
19:52by a bus from behind or something like that.
19:54I think we get a sense of this.
19:56And what do we get a sense of?
19:57We get a sense that this is the last day.
20:02You know, you're in a hospital, and I've talked to people who've watched others die and so on,
20:07and you're in a hospital, and you know, you know, things start shutting down, you start
20:13going numb, and you're like, well, I guess this morning was the last sunrise I never saw.
20:19I don't really see sunrises.
20:20I like sunsets.
20:21I'm not such a big fan of sunrises.
20:22They're always kind of depressing.
20:24I never had to get up for anything good when I was a kid that was early.
20:28And you look and you say, well, that's it.
20:32All the stuff I never said, now it gets to die with me.
20:34And you look back and you say, what was the point of all that hoarding?
20:38It's like the guys who die, like with the $10 million in gold buried in some place,
20:43no one's ever going to find it.
20:44What was the point of all of that?
20:46You know, like all the people who nickel and dime and hoard so they can enjoy a long retirement
20:51and then die at the age of 65.1.
20:54What was the point of all of that?
20:56To live honestly is the most powerful tool of clarity and defense known to any carbon-based
21:08life form.
21:09You say to people around you, if they've done something that hurt you, maybe your friends
21:15went out and didn't call you and it upsets you.
21:18What do you say?
21:20Oh, it's fine.
21:21Oh, it's not a big deal.
21:22Oh, I'm sure they just forgot or I, whatever, right?
21:25I mean, it was easy to make up these lies in the past before you had a phone that tracked
21:30every movement, every phone call.
21:33And it seems like these days, every thought.
21:37But do you say something?
21:38No.
21:40And why don't we say?
21:41Why don't we say?
21:42Why don't we call them up and say, hey, I mean, guys, you did kind of go out.
21:45Like, have I done something?
21:46Is there something that bothered you?
21:48Because it, you know, I'm not going to lie.
21:51It stung a little bit.
21:52It stung a little bit.
21:53I would like to clear it up, right?
21:56That's fine.
21:58Do we say it?
21:59We do not.
22:00Why do we lie?
22:02Why do we lie?
22:04I mean, heaven help us if we know that our friends went out last night and you ask a couple
22:09of friends, what did you do last night?
22:10The friends who went out and they say, oh, nothing.
22:13Woo-wee.
22:14Not fun.
22:15Not good.
22:16Not plus.
22:16Double plus.
22:17Ungood, in fact.
22:19So do we say anything?
22:20No.
22:21What do we do?
22:22We withdraw.
22:23We withdraw into our little acid-hurt castle and raise the drawbridge and fill the moat
22:29and sit in our pit of self-pity.
22:35But they really cared about me if they're just...
22:37And why don't we say anything in these situations?
22:41Well, because we're terrified, of course, that they're not going to care.
22:48Yeah, we went out.
22:49Who cares?
22:50Doesn't matter.
22:51Don't make such a big deal about it.
22:53Don't be such a pussy.
22:53It doesn't matter.
22:54We don't have to do everything together.
22:55My God.
22:57Chillax.
22:57Doesn't matter.
22:58You gotta learn to roll with things, man.
23:01It's not like we go to everything you go to.
23:03It's fine.
23:04Like, people will just dismiss you and poo-poo you, which kind of means taking a dump on
23:10your heart.
23:10But that's what we're scared of, isn't it?
23:12That we're going to be upset and no one's going to give a rat's behind.
23:17And they're then going to heap scorn upon hurt and hurt us again.
23:23Oh, that's not fun.
23:26Oh, that's not fun.
23:28And, of course, we can't do that.
23:31That's just kind of the point.
23:32Like, we can't do that when we're kids.
23:34We can't say, hey, you teach, you know, can I just, can I just say something?
23:39You know, I find your teaching style kind of monotone.
23:43I find the subject matter not particularly interesting.
23:45I'm just wondering if there's anything we could do to make the topic more relevant or
23:49to spice it up a little.
23:50Woo!
23:51Good luck with that!
23:52In government education, straight to the principal's office.
23:56We will take a year of your life and lock you into a desk way too small for your hairy
24:01fingered frame.
24:03What about in church?
24:05Do we get to say, hey, uh, Mr. Priest, I'm like, I really, I'm so sorry to interrupt.
24:12I really am sorry to interrupt.
24:13But I got to tell you, reading out all these baguettes, it's kind of not, it's not, it's
24:20not hitting me in the feels.
24:21Like, I don't know how to connect with it.
24:23Is there any way that we could, like, you could just.
24:26You know, you've got a direct connection to God.
24:28Can you pray for some inspiration to make this stuff a little bit more relevant?
24:33At least to me.
24:33I don't think I'm speaking alone here.
24:35Like, I'm looking around the church.
24:36Half the people are nodding off.
24:38If you're praying for inspiration, you're not listening to the results.
24:42Can you just, please, I'm begging you, do something.
24:45Spice it up a little, make it a little bit more interesting.
24:47I mean, I love God.
24:48I love prayer.
24:50I love ideas.
24:50I love virtues.
24:51Fascinated by the Ten Commandments.
24:53I just can't connect with the stuff that you're saying.
24:55I'm really sorry, but I think God maybe told me to tell you that.
25:00That's what it feels like.
25:02I was just, like, I was just praying for how to handle this boredom.
25:07And God said, you've got to say something.
25:08So I hope that you'll accept something from God himself.
25:13Can you imagine?
25:15Can you imagine?
25:19Nope.
25:20Not even a little bit.
25:22Hey, Teach, I just, you keep pointing out how white people are bad, and that seems kind
25:27of racist.
25:28Hey, Teach, you keep pointing out that girls are superior.
25:33That's kind of sexist.
25:35And when I was in New Zealand with Lauren Southern, we got lured into these interviews.
25:42I mean, we knew they were going to be pretty hostile, and we were kind of making fun because
25:47they said, we weren't going to be allowed entrance into New Zealand, and there was this
25:50native archway at the airport, and we pretended that we were pushing through it, and so on,
25:54and posted the videos.
25:55It was kind of funny.
25:56Like, we're pushing through the borders and able to move through this magical force field.
26:01And of course, some reporter was like, that's disrespectful, you know.
26:06Disrespectful.
26:07I can't do much of a New Zealand reporter's accent because I don't speak fluent evil.
26:13Disrespectful.
26:14And I said to him, I said, wait, are you saying that the native population of New Zealand doesn't
26:21have a sense of humor, can't take a joke?
26:23You know, like people make jokes about white people, we can't dance, and so on, and we
26:25just roll with it.
26:26Are you saying that they can't take a joke at all?
26:28That seems kind of racist.
26:33Yeah, good luck with that.
26:35I mean, it's fun to say, but it doesn't get you far in any positive or productive way.
26:44So we can't say these things.
26:45Maybe you had parents who didn't listen to you.
26:48Hey, Dad, I, you know, I know you have a tough day at work and all of that.
26:53You kind of need to unwind.
26:54Is there any way we could find out some way that you can unwind with me rather than watching
26:59sports or playing video games or playing on your phone or your tablet?
27:03Like, is there any way that we could connect that you could find would be relaxing and
27:06enjoyable?
27:07Because I kind of miss you.
27:08I feel like we don't really spend much, I mean, if any, time together.
27:13And you just seem kind of tired and bothered.
27:15And, you know, my childhood is slipping away.
27:17And I just feel like I'd really like to connect.
27:19Yeah, good luck with that, right?
27:22Good luck with that.
27:23Mom, you spend a lot of time.
27:25And I've got to be honest with you, I mean, especially since COVID, you spend a lot of
27:30time doom scrolling.
27:32And I just, I feel sad about it.
27:35I miss you.
27:36I wish we could talk more.
27:37And I just, I really want to, I feel this kind of urge to take care of you, Mom, because
27:43I just, I can't imagine you kind of get to the end of your life and you say, oh, I'm
27:49really glad that 50 years ago or 40 years ago, I spent all that time doom scrolling over
27:53COVID rather than play Catan with my kids.
27:58Oof.
27:59Good luck with that one, too.
28:01Good luck with that one, too.
28:03So we're kind of trained in that way.
28:05A lot of us, certainly in school, to some degree in church, maybe slightly less than
28:09families.
28:09Good, there's good families out there.
28:11I don't have good schools, but there are good families.
28:14And nobody listens.
28:15Nobody takes our needs, preferences, concerns, or cares into consideration, he says, as he doesn't
28:22answer the listener's question, which we'll get to in a sec, I promise you, and I appreciate
28:25your patience.
28:26But everything you don't express dies within you, then dies with you.
28:33I see dead people everywhere I go.
28:37I see NPCs.
28:38I see people pouting, noses in the air, sniffing and snorting, criticizing, nagging, complaining,
28:46bitching, moaning, raging sometimes, but not being honest.
28:51Not being honest.
28:53It is only in reality that we can meet for real, almost tautologically speaking.
29:00It is only in reality that we can meet for real.
29:05Everything else is manipulation.
29:07Every time you don't tell the truth, you're just manipulating.
29:11Every time you don't ask for what you want, you're just manipulating.
29:15Every time you don't communicate when someone's upset you, you're manipulating.
29:20And you and I, and everyone who does these things, well, we're just lying.
29:27I've said from the very beginning of this show over 21, almost 21 years ago, that honesty
29:36is the first virtue, without honesty, no other virtues are possible either to achieve and
29:41certainly to maintain.
29:44Honesty is the first virtue, without honesty, no other virtues are possible.
29:49How many times have you or I faked knowledge?
29:52Oh, yeah, yeah, I think I know a little bit about that.
29:55Yeah, I think I've heard of that.
29:56Yeah, it's lying.
29:58It's lying.
29:59I've done it.
30:00You've done it.
30:01I think.
30:01I know I've done it.
30:03I know.
30:03I think you've done it.
30:05That's manipulation.
30:06That's lying.
30:07I try to be pretty honest.
30:09I mean, you've heard me a bunch of times when people say, have you heard of X or Y or
30:12Z?
30:13I say, nope.
30:14Or, you know, I've heard a little bit about it.
30:16Don't really know much.
30:17Whatever, right?
30:19But a commitment to the truth.
30:20What bothers me about the character in Remains of the Day, the Anthony Hopkins character,
30:26is he's a liar.
30:28It's not strength.
30:29It is weakness.
30:30Because if you want to take, if you want to have a good old healthy purge of your relationships
30:37to, you know, like how forests need to have that good old burning purge every once in a
30:45while, in fact, the natives in some of these demons and locations actually set these fires.
30:50You need that fire to burn through the forest, to clear away the dead wood, the undergrowth,
30:55renewal, and so on, right?
30:57I mean, brutal are the creatures, particularly the borrowing ones, but that's what's needed.
31:02You need to renew.
31:04And why do we lie?
31:06We lie because we don't want to find out that we're surrounded by liars.
31:11So maybe you have friends around, your family around, or whatever.
31:13Maybe lovers, maybe husbands, wives, or whatever.
31:15And they say, ooh, I love you.
31:17I care about you.
31:18You're the best.
31:19You're the greatest.
31:20You're the bee's knees.
31:21You're wonderful.
31:22Couldn't live without you, baby.
31:24Amazing, excellent, perfect.
31:27Splendiferous, as my brother used to say.
31:30Can't believe he's straight sometimes.
31:32But we lie, and we withhold, and we turtle, and we harmadillo, and we roll into a ball,
31:38and we take a ball, and we go home, and we retreat to our sick pit of self-pity with
31:44the moats and the drawbridge filled and up.
31:46We do all of that so that we don't find out whether the people around us who claim to care
31:53about us, we don't find out if they are, in fact, also stinky, bottom-feeding catfish
32:02liars.
32:03Because, you know, that seems kind of important to know, doesn't it?
32:07It seems kind of important to know.
32:10The people who say they care about you, ooh, quick question.
32:13Do they, in fact, care about you?
32:15People who claim to love you, do they, in fact, love you?
32:19Because can you claim to love someone, but not care about what they like or don't like,
32:24whether you've hurt them or not?
32:27Even if it's inadvertent.
32:29Even if it's inadvertent.
32:31Even if they misunderstood something.
32:33You made a joke.
32:34You thought it was a joke.
32:34They didn't know it was a joke.
32:36They got upset.
32:37I mean, if I turn around too quickly and smack my wife in the shoulder by accident, I'm still
32:42going to apologize.
32:44I mean, because she's fierce, man.
32:45You have to.
32:46She'll disassemble you and sell you for parts of the Greek Orthodox black market.
32:50I don't know.
32:51I mean, it could happen.
32:52I could be a little jumpy.
32:54But yeah, that's why we lie.
32:56Are people saying they love us, but don't actually care about us?
33:00Well, I mean, that's a paradox, of course.
33:01You can't love someone and not care.
33:04Hey, baby.
33:05The only thing I want to do is make you happy.
33:07You know, when you use that deep voice, it doesn't make me happy.
33:10Well, that's fine, but I'm still going to use my deep voice because that's what makes
33:14you happy.
33:14No, no, no.
33:15Just use your normal voice, please.
33:16Your deep voice does not make me happy.
33:20Like the woman with the guy in bed.
33:23And he says, oh, baby.
33:26And she says, deeper, deeper.
33:28And he says, oh, baby.
33:35Do they actually care about you?
33:37Well, as long as you tortoise and armadillo and raise the drawbridge and fill the moat
33:41and retreat to your sick pit of self-pity, or I do, we don't have to find that out.
33:45Now, of course, we do have to find out whether they care or notice, because that's kind of
33:51what we're doing.
33:52We won't say that we're bothered or upset, but we will give those indications that we
33:59are bothered and upset.
34:01And then, what do we hope?
34:02We hope that the person's going to notice and follow.
34:05I remember the first woman who did that.
34:11We'd had a conflict.
34:12I was upset.
34:13We parted.
34:15And she followed me.
34:16You know, like you always see these scenes.
34:18You know, someone's leaving on a jet plane and somebody's like running through.
34:20I have to talk to her before she goes and vaulting security and tackling the TSA.
34:25Not that I recommend it, but it's, of course, a story that's prominent in a lot of rom-coms
34:30and sitcoms.
34:32And I remember the first time that in a romantic relationship that a woman followed me and noticed
34:41and we worked it out.
34:42It was great.
34:43I remember when I was dating my wife, we were supposed to meet some friends.
34:46This is early on in our dating.
34:47And she just came from work.
34:49And she worked as a psychologist in a hospital, of course, for many years.
34:52And she came and we were running a little bit late.
34:55And I said, oh, we got to go.
34:56And she says, no, no, no.
34:58Before we head out, you and I have to connect.
34:59How was your day?
35:00What's going on?
35:01How was your writing?
35:01Because I was writing at the time.
35:03I was writing almost.
35:05No, no.
35:06Yes.
35:06Late?
35:07No.
35:08I was editing The God of Atheists.
35:10And she's like, no, no, no.
35:11Before we go storming out, you and I have to connect, right?
35:14Totally right.
35:16Very wise.
35:17Very wise.
35:18We're going out as a couple.
35:19We need to connect as a couple before we go out.
35:22Quite right.
35:23Very wise.
35:25Who chases you?
35:26My best friend's wedding question, right?
35:28Rupert Everett, was it?
35:30I was thinking for Rupert Grimes, but I don't think that there's a more opposite physiology
35:35than Rupert Everett and Rupert Grimes.
35:37Or Rupert the Bear.
35:38I think that's really an unholy trinity of opposites.
35:42RuPaul?
35:43Okay, stop with the Rupes, Steph.
35:44Move on.
35:45I can't.
35:47I'm stuck.
35:48Sorry, Squire.
35:49The record's stuck.
35:50All right.
35:51Pulling myself out of my own self-inflicted tar pit, I go on to say that we don't want
35:57to find out if people really care about us.
35:59So what we do is we indicate that we're upset and hope that people come.
36:02Hope the, you know, the knock comes on the door, right?
36:06You go into your room, you're upset.
36:07Your parents go, right?
36:08They're supposed to come in and say, are you okay?
36:10What's going on?
36:11Let's talk.
36:11Let's figure it out.
36:12Let's sort it out.
36:13All this kind of stuff, right?
36:14And a lot of times they don't.
36:16Fine.
36:17Let them stew.
36:18Let them be that way.
36:19I'm not going in.
36:21And it's a battle of hoarding everything that dissipates.
36:25You know, hoarding onto your emotions is like an open bottle of pop.
36:30Hoarding its CO2.
36:32Hoarding its bubbles.
36:35I'm not a chemist.
36:37Hoarding its bubbles.
36:38It's just going to go flat anyway.
36:40What's the point of hoarding it?
36:41All your feelings are going to go to nothing.
36:44You're going to lose all your money.
36:46You might as well spend it.
36:48Now, don't spend it like a whore.
36:49Don't unpack your heart to everyone, regardless of their quality.
36:53But don't hoard everything, friends.
36:55How is anyone supposed to get to know you if you're manipulative?
36:59How is anyone supposed to get to know you if you're a hall of mirrors?
37:05If you're a foggy maze, I mean, people don't have the time, they don't have the energy, and why should
37:12they expend the effort?
37:13You've got to make it easy for people to like you.
37:16And to make it easy for people to like you means you've got to not make them work so hard
37:21to know what you think and how you feel.
37:24Well, if you're bothered and you care at all about the virtue called honesty, if you're bothered, you say, I'm
37:33bothered.
37:34You're angry.
37:35I'm angry.
37:36You're sad.
37:37I'm sad.
37:38You're frustrated.
37:39I'm frustrated.
37:40Not blaming the other person, because almost always we want to blame someone for all of our negative feelings.
37:46I'm frustrated because you did X, Y, and Z, right?
37:49Mom would be, I'm just mad because you never listen.
37:53Never listen.
37:54Always a never, right?
37:55The way that you stoke up the fires of your own cuckolded outrage, right?
38:00What if?
38:01I mean, just look, I want to put this forward because, you know, everyone says, oh, so-and-so cheated
38:06on me.
38:07Well, are you cheating on the truth?
38:09Because the way that you show loyalty to your partner is you don't cheat with regards to the truth, right?
38:17So, I want you to try this.
38:20I really, I'm on my knees, absolutely begging you.
38:24Tears going down my cheeks and my face cheeks.
38:29Blood in my gums from my grinding teeth.
38:32Supplication in my eyes.
38:33Desperation in my quivering fingertips.
38:35I'm down on my knees, begging you.
38:38When you listen to this rant, when you finish listening to this rant, when this show ends, if indeed it
38:45ever will, that what you do is you say, write it on your forearm in Sharpie, whatever you, be honest.
38:53Don't lie.
38:53Be honest.
38:54Don't lie.
38:54Be honest.
38:55Don't lie.
38:55Don't hoard.
38:56Don't turtle.
38:58Don't curl up.
38:59Don't go hidey hole.
39:00Don't disappear.
39:01Don't despawn.
39:02Don't go to the back rooms.
39:03Don't do any of that stuff.
39:04If you got something to say to someone, just fucking say it.
39:10You admire someone, say, I admire you.
39:13You're frightened of someone, say, you frighten me.
39:16You appreciate someone's sense of humor, say, thank you for all the laughs.
39:20You don't appreciate someone's doom and glooming, say, you know, you kind of bring me down.
39:25It's heavy, man.
39:26You want to talk to a girl, for God's sakes, talk to a girl.
39:31You want to change careers?
39:33Make that plan.
39:35You want to say to your boss, I don't like the aggression.
39:38Say to your boss, I don't like the aggression.
39:40Not having sex with your spouse, sit down with your spouse and say, hey, um, I've got
39:46some P. Diddy oil.
39:48No, just say, you know, we got to, I'd really like to solve this.
39:50I don't know what to do.
39:51What can we do?
39:53If things are lacking in your relationships, the first thing you need to do is provide
39:58them and measure the response.
40:00Provide them and measure the response.
40:02I mean, if you think you've got a good to sell, you build it, you put it out in the
40:05marketplace and you see who buys it.
40:08That's what you do.
40:10If you and your wife are going through a chilly period, reach out, be affectionate.
40:14See how she responds.
40:15You might need to do it a whole bunch of times until she thaws.
40:17If she doesn't thaw, you've got to make a tough decision.
40:20If something's missing in a relationship, and in this case, I'm saying that what's missing
40:24in most of our relationships is foundational, is a foundational commitment to honesty.
40:28So when you lie to people, when you mislead them and you manipulate them, then you drive
40:34a wedge, you separate, and you become like an old guy in the Inuit on an iceberg floating
40:39away from the mainland into the chilly waters of eternity.
40:43Don't do it.
40:44Don't do it.
40:45Only connect, as the enforcer used to say.
40:48Only connect, and we can only connect by being honest and direct about what we think and
40:52feel.
40:53Don't avoid.
40:54Don't hoard.
40:56Don't deny.
40:57Don't lie.
40:58Don't lie.
40:59Don't lie.
40:59Don't lie.
41:00Listen.
41:01Like you're not already doing that.
41:03But listen, I have to say this to myself every day.
41:07I have to remind myself of this every day.
41:09Don't lie.
41:10Don't lie.
41:10Don't lie.
41:11Look.
41:12Obviously.
41:13See, I say listen now.
41:14I say, look, I'm absolutely commanding every one of your senses.
41:17Taste.
41:18Russell Brand.
41:19So, I have to say this.
41:22You know, Megyn Kelly, I don't know, not, it felt like five minutes ago, probably longer,
41:28was talking about how disgusting Russell Brand was for having sex with a 16-year-old when
41:35he was 30.
41:36Well, I was an immature 30-year-old.
41:38I don't care.
41:39Still a grown-ass man.
41:41And she found it repulsive.
41:43And it is, I think, pretty repulsive.
41:46I mean, age of consent, I get that.
41:49Personally, I think that the age of consent should be narrowed in terms of the ages that
41:54can consent.
41:55In other words, if you're 16, maybe you can consent unless the guy's 21 or like five years,
42:01whatever it is, right?
42:01But certainly, a reasonably Jesus-looking, rich, and famous, and charismatic comedian is a wee
42:11smidge of an overpowering mechanic regarding some girl who's barely in high school.
42:17Not a fair wooing at all.
42:21So like Megyn Kelly, like five minutes ago, was talking about how repulsive this was.
42:26And I think just today or yesterday or this week or whenever, she gives an oh-so-friendly
42:31interview to Russell Brand.
42:32And no problems, no worries, no problems, chitty-chatty, everything's fine and sunny and blah!
42:38God, it's vile.
42:39So I had this commitment to truth.
42:43And let's say, well, I think it's probably fair to say that there's been a fairly divisive
42:53scattering of pluses and minuses over me speaking the truth.
43:00Yeah, I would say that's true.
43:02I mean, the pluses, obviously, I have a good relationship with my own conscience.
43:07I'm happy.
43:08I didn't sign like Jordan Peterson did with CAA, the Harvey Weinstein fucking agency,
43:16or get hopped up on benzodiazepines and end up with akathasia, which is hell on earth.
43:23I've staggered through the fire, emerged relatively unscathed.
43:29So it's brought storm and stress to my public life, diminished my reach considerably, of course.
43:36But hey, I'm speaking to mankind, and in particular in the future, so they can look
43:43back and say, this is what society does to the truth-tellers.
43:46I mean, it's better than it used to be, not as good as it could be, for sure.
43:49So, in the public sphere, it has gained and cost me just about everything.
43:54I was the biggest public intellectual for quite a few years.
43:58Now, not so much, but that's all right, because the price of losing stadiums and playing jazz
44:07clubs, as I do, the price of that, or I should say the price of that, is you lose the
44:14public,
44:14but you keep the respect of your wife, your child, and your friends.
44:22And having my wife look at me with admiration, having my daughter show me respect, having friends
44:27who love me is worth a hundred thousand people in a stadium, all cheering your name, thinking
44:33you're the greatest thing since God invented pickleball.
44:37Sorry, that analogy may have gotten away from me a little bit, but I like pickleball.
44:42Just commit to telling the truth.
44:44The truth is a muscle that dies if you don't exercise it.
44:50Honesty, it's not like riding a bike, man.
44:53If you're dishonest for years, you lose the capacity for honesty.
44:57You lose the capacity to even remember that you're being dishonest.
45:00It just becomes the way you do things.
45:03You have to make that commitment to honesty, and it's going to feel like hell.
45:07It's going to feel terrifying.
45:09Your heart will pound as you approach the truth.
45:12But you've got to build up those muscles.
45:13I'm not saying you have to start with the very biggest thing.
45:15You don't necessarily have to open up the HR meeting with, hey, you know, ethnicity and
45:20IQ vary across population.
45:22I'm not saying you've got to start with all of that stuff.
45:24Just a little truth.
45:25Something bothers you, just say it.
45:27You want to talk to someone, go talk to someone.
45:30Just commit to the truth.
45:33And if you commit to the truth, the joys that that brings you will have you look back
45:38at your former lies and manipulations as hell on earth, as hell on earth.
45:45I'll believe Russell Brand when he starts paying restitution to those he's harmed.
45:50Otherwise, he's just a wanker, a prat and a wanker.
45:55All right.
45:56Well, I appreciate everyone's patience with that speech.
45:59I hope it was helpful.
46:00Be honest.
46:01Be honest.
46:02Be honest.
46:03You've got the rest of your life to not tell the truth after you die, according to my recent
46:08caller, the mystic.
46:10You have eternity to not tell the truth.
46:12You have a very short slice of life wherein you can tell the truth.
46:16And for God's sakes, please, I'm begging you, do it.
46:19Do it.
46:20Be honest.
46:21All right.
46:22I appreciate your patience.
46:24People have come and gone in the queue because I think they knew I was on a tear.
46:28And if you want to come on back, I promise to get you in.
46:32If you are just sort of reeling from the onslaught of language, I'm certainly happy to close
46:37it down.
46:37I'll just give a second or two in case people wanted to come back or if you have any questions
46:42or comments about what it is that I've said or criticisms, of course, more than welcome
46:49to come in and speak your mind.
46:53All right.
46:53It looks like I have either answered everyone's questions or addressed something that's not
46:58an issue to anyone because people are quiet, which is totally fine.
47:01Thank you, all my friends.
47:02FreeDomain.com slash donate.
47:04Hey, I'm honest about what I want, what I need.
47:07FreeDomain.com slash donate to help out the show.
47:09Really, really would appreciate it and it is very, very needed and very much appreciated.
47:16FreeDomain.com slash donate.
47:18Take care, my friends.
47:19Thank you for a lovely evening.
47:21All the best.
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