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Short filmTranscript
00:00:27To be continued...
00:00:54To be continued...
00:01:14To be continued...
00:01:17Look at this place!
00:01:19Oh!
00:01:28Oh!
00:01:35Who on earth would want to abandon...
00:01:37Such a wonderful little baby boy!
00:01:41Oh!
00:01:41Oh!
00:01:42Oh!
00:01:45Oh!
00:01:47Oh!
00:01:52Oh!
00:01:57Oh!
00:02:03Oh!
00:02:10Oh!
00:02:14Oh!
00:02:25Oh!
00:02:27Oh!
00:02:29Oh!
00:02:31Oh!
00:02:32Oh!
00:02:35Oh!
00:02:38Oh!
00:02:40Oh!
00:02:42Oh!
00:02:44Oh!
00:02:44Oh!
00:02:45Oh!
00:02:49Oh!
00:02:58Oh!
00:03:02Oh!
00:03:02Oh!
00:03:06Oh!
00:03:12Oh!
00:03:13Oh!
00:03:16Oh!
00:03:17Oh!
00:03:18Oh!
00:03:18Oh!
00:03:24Oh!
00:03:26Oh!
00:03:26Oh!
00:03:27Oh!
00:03:27Oh!
00:03:27Oh!
00:03:28Oh!
00:03:37I wonder if penguins can fly.
00:03:50You see, no one really ever accepted me.
00:03:54Who'd be that caring?
00:03:56Who'd be that loving?
00:03:57Who'd be that dumb?
00:03:59Oh, listen to this.
00:04:01It says here that Henry is a strong name.
00:04:04He's loyal and loving.
00:04:07Henry, Hank, Henri.
00:04:10That sounds like a loser.
00:04:11No, come on, think about it.
00:04:13Henry, Hank.
00:04:14Hank Aaron, that's a winner.
00:04:16How was school today, Hank?
00:04:17Great, Dad.
00:04:18Okay, Hank.
00:04:19That's got potential.
00:04:20Let's put a star down next to Henry.
00:04:21No, I don't like it.
00:04:23Oh, what about Donald?
00:04:25It says here that Donald is wealthy and powerful.
00:04:28Now, that's the kind of kid I want.
00:04:30Oh, okay.
00:04:30Look, Flo, I'll be happy no matter how he turns out.
00:04:33After all, he'll be our child.
00:04:34But it wouldn't hurt if he's also chairman of the board.
00:04:36So when is your child due?
00:04:39Oh, well, I'm not really pregnant yet.
00:04:42We're just planning ahead.
00:04:44Yeah, a little wishful thinking never hurt anyone.
00:04:46You know, here at the clinic, we pride ourselves on a 99% success rate.
00:04:51Little Henry Healy.
00:04:53Donald.
00:04:54Unfortunately, there is that other 1%, and you're it.
00:04:58I'm sorry, but the test came back positive.
00:05:01Oh, positive.
00:05:02That's good.
00:05:03No, positive is bad.
00:05:04No, positive is good.
00:05:05Negative is bad.
00:05:06No, negative is good.
00:05:08You see, you are positively infertile.
00:05:10You mean we've been doing it every night for nothing?
00:05:16Let me explain.
00:05:18This is your uterus.
00:05:21Well, that purple thing is your cervix.
00:05:23These green things here are your fallopian tubes.
00:05:26And this...
00:05:28That's not supposed to happen.
00:05:30Toss me that.
00:05:30Thanks.
00:05:31This yellow thing is your ovary.
00:05:33It fits right in there.
00:05:35Like that.
00:05:36Well, you know what?
00:05:38It doesn't matter.
00:05:39Because you don't even have a yellow thing.
00:05:41And your green thing is brown.
00:05:44Doctor, are you absolutely sure there's no hope?
00:05:47None whatsoever.
00:05:49Oh, but there are alternatives to having your own child.
00:05:54I tried to like it at the orphanage.
00:05:57But then I became interested in photography.
00:06:04After that, things kind of went downhill.
00:06:14Eat all of your stew, children.
00:06:17A growing body needs nutrition.
00:06:21And discipline.
00:06:22Well, if it's so nutritious, how come I don't see you eating it?
00:06:26Oh, children.
00:06:28Oh, children.
00:06:36I was never really sure which one I got.
00:06:39Nutrition or discipline.
00:06:51What are they putting this stuff?
00:06:53Hey, Jared, come on.
00:06:54Just eat your lunch.
00:06:55Please don't get us in trouble again.
00:06:58Oh.
00:06:59Oh.
00:07:00Oh.
00:07:01Oh.
00:07:01Oh.
00:07:03Oh.
00:07:04Oh.
00:07:04They kissed!
00:07:05Oh, boy.
00:07:09Oh.
00:07:11Oh, no.
00:07:15Junior.
00:07:16Oh, no.
00:07:20Oh, no.
00:07:30eat it. For once you
00:07:33behaved yourself.
00:07:34Thank you, Lord.
00:07:37Ow!
00:07:45Hey, lady, get us off the merchandise.
00:07:47You're going to hear us at the thing.
00:07:49Ow!
00:07:54All right, mister, you know the routine.
00:07:57Start mopping.
00:07:58Sister, I'm all packed to go.
00:08:00There's my favorite little boy.
00:08:03I'm going to miss you so much.
00:08:06Miss him? Where's he going?
00:08:08Haven't you heard?
00:08:09I'm getting adopted.
00:08:11I got a new mommy and daddy,
00:08:12and they're so nice.
00:08:14Really?
00:08:15Yes.
00:08:16Good little boys get good homes.
00:08:20Bad little boys get something else.
00:08:26Big deal.
00:08:27If you have to be a creep like Freddy,
00:08:29I don't want a family.
00:08:37A man described as evil incarnate.
00:08:39A man called the fiend of the century.
00:08:41Where are my cartoons?
00:08:43Oh, they did me wrong.
00:08:45They had it coming.
00:08:46All 34 of them?
00:08:47You fucking dick.
00:08:49Dude, this guy's pretty popular.
00:08:51He's on every channel.
00:08:53Since he escaped a week ago,
00:08:55residents of the neighboring three states
00:08:57have been afraid to leave their home.
00:08:59Beck, known infamously as the bowtie killer,
00:09:01was finally recaptured this afternoon
00:09:03and is now on his way back to the federal prison.
00:09:05Why is everybody always picking on me?
00:09:06I'm not a bad guy.
00:09:08I'm just misunderstood.
00:09:10Nobody cares about me but me.
00:09:12What a good-looking guy.
00:09:14...confirmed that because of this attempted prison break,
00:09:17Beck would have to serve additional time
00:09:18to an already lengthy sentence.
00:09:20When he is returned to the federal prison,
00:09:22Beck will be placed...
00:09:34there he is.
00:09:34There he is.
00:09:35There he is.
00:09:39There, son.
00:09:42What did you see?
00:09:44There's our boy.
00:09:45Oh, honey.
00:09:50Oh, I'm so excited.
00:10:08Have a good day, honey.
00:10:11Look, why don't you just take a look at this adoption literature?
00:10:14We can talk about it tonight.
00:10:15Why don't you look at it yourself?
00:10:17I don't wear second-hand clothes, and I won't have a second-hand kid.
00:10:20Adoption is out!
00:10:21Okay.
00:10:27Welcome to Big Ben's.
00:10:29The sporting goods store that has everything.
00:10:32Sporting goods made by Americans for Americans.
00:10:36And my fellow Americans, don't forget to vote for Big Ben for mayor.
00:10:40Hey, mister. You work here?
00:10:42I sure do, son. How can I help you?
00:10:44Well, I'm looking for a canteen with a compass on it.
00:10:47I saw your commercial, and they say you have everything.
00:10:50You bet we do. This is Big Ben's.
00:10:51We got canteen 365 days a year.
00:10:55Now, which one of these can I fix you up with?
00:10:57I like the sport.
00:10:58Hey, sport, where'd you run off to?
00:11:00Oh, this man was helping me find my canteen.
00:11:03All right. I'm sorry. I hope Hank wasn't bothering you.
00:11:05I guess he's kind of excited about this camping trip we're going on.
00:11:08You two really must have a lot of fun together.
00:11:11Yeah, these little rascals really make life worth living.
00:11:14I mean, what the heck else are we here for, eh, partner?
00:11:17Yeah.
00:11:17Come on, buddy. Let's go.
00:11:19And y'all. Did you get what you wanted?
00:11:21Yeah.
00:11:21Okay. Thanks a lot, buddy.
00:11:23My pleasure.
00:11:25Little Ben!
00:11:26What?
00:11:27Get your little butt in here. I got a big surprise for you.
00:11:32That's right.
00:11:34Big Ben's is 100% American.
00:11:37I'm selling the store to the Japs.
00:11:40I, I, I, but...
00:11:42I, I, but what?
00:11:43Thought I was going to leave it to you one day?
00:11:45Uh, yes.
00:11:46Well, I'm not.
00:11:48I'm selling to the Hirohito Corporation.
00:11:52Well, I, I, I still get the land, right, Dad?
00:11:54No, you won't. No, no.
00:11:57I'm selling that, too.
00:11:59Everything from here to the river.
00:12:00What?
00:12:01Dad, I, I, I can't believe this.
00:12:04I slaved for you for over 10 years without even a raise or a promotion.
00:12:09Is there a lesson to be learned from all of this?
00:12:12A lesson?
00:12:13How about don't trust anyone?
00:12:14Not even your own father?
00:12:16Especially your own father.
00:12:18You know your problem? You're too nice.
00:12:20I expect a little backstabbing from you.
00:12:22Some ruthless scrambling to get to the top.
00:12:26But you stubbornly refuse to follow my example.
00:12:35Today's my birthday.
00:12:36Look what they gave me.
00:12:38Junior?
00:12:40Junior?
00:12:41What is taking you so long?
00:12:44We start serving dinner in 20 minutes.
00:12:47I only got two hands.
00:12:49And I want these pots so shiny I can see my face in them.
00:12:53This one kind of looks like you.
00:12:56All right, smart mouth.
00:12:58Now you're going to pay for it.
00:13:06Yikes!
00:13:06A bank was in a pot!
00:13:08Help!
00:13:15I wonder if they want me to do the floor.
00:13:29Junior!
00:13:35Okay, kids, huddle up, all right?
00:13:37Now listen, we've got three more innings.
00:13:39Remember, if we win, we all get ice cream.
00:13:42Yay!
00:13:43And if we lose, what the hey, we'll have ice cream anyway.
00:13:47All right?
00:13:48Go take the field.
00:13:49I'm proud of you.
00:13:49Look mean out there.
00:13:51Look tough.
00:13:52Little Ben, can I talk to you for a second?
00:13:55I told you, Roy, I don't care how many runs you score, we're not going to force it.
00:14:00Hey, I don't care about this game.
00:14:01We got this thing won already.
00:14:03I just came over to share my happiness with you, little Ben.
00:14:06Harriet had a sonogram.
00:14:08Take a look.
00:14:09What is that?
00:14:11It's a boy!
00:14:13Congratulations, Roy.
00:14:14Oh, and I got one of these for you.
00:14:16Huh?
00:14:16Open up.
00:14:17Oh, I don't smoke.
00:14:17Oh, come on.
00:14:18Open up.
00:14:19Open up.
00:14:20Ooh!
00:14:22What?
00:14:27What do you know?
00:14:28Another home run.
00:14:30Way to go, Gary!
00:14:33Gary!
00:14:53Okay, now there's absolutely no proof that Junior was in any way connected with today's tragedy.
00:15:01Who needs proof he's evil?
00:15:03That's a wicked mind.
00:15:04Look what he did in art class.
00:15:05Skeletons?
00:15:05Headless corpses?
00:15:06Monsters devouring human flesh.
00:15:08All right, look, look.
00:15:09I don't claim to be like some kind of brilliant psychologist.
00:15:13I'm not.
00:15:14All I'm saying is maybe all the child needs is to be loved.
00:15:19Oh, that's a crap, Mr. P-Buddy.
00:15:22Either Junior goes or you find yourself some new nuns.
00:15:25No, no, no, don't.
00:15:26Please, please, don't hyperventilate.
00:15:28Don't hyperventilate.
00:15:29Just take a deep breath and relax.
00:15:31The only way we can straighten this out is by hearing what Junior has to say about it.
00:15:46I'm sorry, sisters.
00:15:48Please, please don't make me lift those heavy stones.
00:15:52And please don't make me scrub those dirty toilets.
00:15:55I just want to be a good boy.
00:15:57I promise.
00:15:58You see that?
00:16:00He said he's sorry.
00:16:02Please, give me another chance.
00:16:04I just want to learn my lessons and do my studies so I can be smart and become a priest.
00:16:10There.
00:16:11You see that?
00:16:12A priest.
00:16:14A priest.
00:16:14It's like a nun with a jacket.
00:16:16It's a boy nun.
00:16:17He wants to be a boy nun.
00:16:19Let me tell you something.
00:16:21It takes a big man to admit his mistakes.
00:16:25And there is a big man.
00:16:27It is in the opinion of myself and my agency, of which I represent, that Junior will not be removed
00:16:35from this orphanage.
00:16:36Removed?
00:16:37What do you mean, removed?
00:16:39Oh, don't worry about it, Junior.
00:16:41You see, the nuns just made a suggestion you might be happier outside of the orphanage.
00:16:49What's so funny?
00:16:50You are, you stupid dick.
00:16:53You see, he's wicked.
00:16:54You're not saying you'd rather not be in the orphanage, are you?
00:16:59Doy, think much, Peebrian?
00:17:01I want out.
00:17:03You see, Mr. Peabody, the child is incorrigible.
00:17:06I'm what?
00:17:07Why are you speaking English, lady?
00:17:09Uh, look, maybe what the child is trying to say is that...
00:17:15Maybe if I shrug my shoulders and move around my hands like this, maybe people will think I know what
00:17:20I'm talking about.
00:17:21Look, it's obvious that the kid's unbalanced.
00:17:24I mean, I knew that from the start.
00:17:26I was playing devil's advocate.
00:17:27Devil, you know.
00:17:29Ah, anyway, on behalf of myself and the agency, this child is going to be removed from this orphanage as
00:17:36soon as possible.
00:17:38Well, hurry the hell up.
00:17:39I'm not getting any younger.
00:17:58There's Ed and Sally and little Joey going into the whites.
00:18:01There must be a party.
00:18:04Look at her dress.
00:18:05That's a new...
00:18:07I've looked all over for shoes like that.
00:18:09I wonder why we weren't invited.
00:18:11Same reason we weren't invited to the Reynolds, the Burks, or the Curzins.
00:18:14You can't go to a kid's party if you don't have a kid.
00:18:17Hey, being a parent is power.
00:18:20And once you're in that circle, you want to just keep everyone else out.
00:18:23Flo, being a parent is about sharing.
00:18:26It's about a mom, a dad, and a kid.
00:18:29Except there isn't going to be a kid, Ben.
00:18:31It's just you and me, forever.
00:18:39Florence, why can't we adopt?
00:18:41We've been through this.
00:18:43I know, but we have so much love to give.
00:18:46Why waste it on these stupid pets?
00:18:48They are not stupid.
00:18:50Hello.
00:18:51Hello.
00:18:52Think of it this way.
00:18:54All those mothers had to make do with what nature gave them,
00:18:57but you and I, we get to pick out our kid.
00:19:00It'll be like shopping.
00:19:02Shopping?
00:19:02Uh-huh.
00:19:04But the neighbors will know we've adopted.
00:19:07What'll they say?
00:19:08The neighbors, what they'll say is they'll say,
00:19:11look, there's Ben and Flo Healy going out to yet another birthday party with their new son.
00:19:17Isn't he adorable?
00:19:19And look at how fantastic Flo looks in her new dress.
00:19:24Where did she ever get a bag to match those shoes?
00:19:27And then they'll say,
00:19:28let's invite that Healy family over for dinner.
00:19:31Oh, Ben, dinner's okay.
00:19:35Let's get a kid.
00:19:37All right, hurry up, students.
00:19:38Five more minutes for your pen pals, and then we have to work on our times tables.
00:19:44Dear Queen Elizabeth,
00:19:46how is England?
00:19:47It must be nice to be a queen.
00:19:50Dear Bishop Tutu,
00:19:52how are you?
00:19:53I am fine.
00:19:54I hope everything's going well with your marching.
00:19:57Dear Bowtie Killer,
00:19:58how's prison?
00:19:59There's a nice picture of you on the front page that I'm going to add to my collection.
00:20:04Even though we've never met,
00:20:06I feel we have a lot in common.
00:20:08Nobody understands us.
00:20:10I'm still wearing a bowtie,
00:20:12so I can look just like you.
00:20:14After all these letters,
00:20:16I've got good news.
00:20:17I'm getting out.
00:20:18Isn't that great?
00:20:20Your number one fan,
00:20:22Junior.
00:20:32Smoke.
00:20:45Sorry to disturb you,
00:20:46but this letter came for you.
00:20:53Read this to me.
00:20:56Hey, hey, it's a letter from J.R.
00:20:58Yeah?
00:21:00Someday we're going to meet up on the outside.
00:21:02We're going to do some serious damage.
00:21:05Good news.
00:21:06I'm getting out.
00:21:08What?
00:21:09He's getting paroled?
00:21:11They've got to be out of their minds.
00:21:13You know that guy?
00:21:14He's crazier than I am.
00:21:16Jill, the warden.
00:21:19Well, well,
00:21:20if it isn't our model prisoner looking so pretty today
00:21:22in his little bowtie.
00:21:25Hey, warden!
00:21:26Get out!
00:21:31You know, honey,
00:21:32I hope I'm not rushing you.
00:21:33We can always let nature take its course.
00:21:35Nature screwed us over.
00:21:36Let's give commerce a try.
00:21:41Okay, let's see what I can do here.
00:21:44You want a kid you can love?
00:21:45I'll put you on the waiting list.
00:21:47You should have a kid in about seven years.
00:21:50Seven years?
00:21:52Unless...
00:21:52Nah, nah, nah.
00:21:54Just, I didn't say a word.
00:21:55I did not say a word.
00:21:57No, what, what, what?
00:21:58What were you going to say?
00:22:00Well, I really put my foot in my mouth this time,
00:22:03but I don't know.
00:22:04I like you two.
00:22:06Kill me, I like the two of you.
00:22:08And when I like two people,
00:22:09I want to help them out.
00:22:11That's just my nature.
00:22:12I want to help out people that I like.
00:22:14Ha, ha, ha!
00:22:15Just this morning,
00:22:17I came upon a seven-year-old.
00:22:20Ah, smart as a tack,
00:22:21a little rambunctious,
00:22:23but weren't we all at that age?
00:22:25Ha, ha, ha!
00:22:26Oh, I think I even have a photo here for you.
00:22:30Oh, he does look very presentable
00:22:32in that little bow tie.
00:22:34Adorable.
00:22:35But I don't know.
00:22:36Seven is rather old.
00:22:38I wanted people to think I had the baby myself.
00:22:40That's understandable.
00:22:41A lot of women feel that way.
00:22:43You want a cute little infant.
00:22:44One that will start screaming
00:22:46in the middle of the night,
00:22:47and you'll have to stumble downstairs
00:22:49in the dark
00:22:50and change his smelly and soiled diapers.
00:22:53And, you know, you'll do your housework,
00:22:55and you'll eat chocolates
00:22:56and take care of the kids,
00:22:57and you'll put on 50 or 60 pounds.
00:23:00No diapers?
00:23:01Hey, you know, you like to sleep late.
00:23:02There'd be no baby waking you up in the morning.
00:23:04We could skip all that baby junk
00:23:07and move right into the good stuff,
00:23:09like parties
00:23:11and more parties.
00:23:13I could be president of the PTA by September.
00:23:16And it'd be nice for Fuzzball
00:23:17to have someone to play with.
00:23:18Yes.
00:23:19Fuzzball's our cat.
00:23:20I can't believe it.
00:23:22I think Junior, he loves cats.
00:23:24You hear that?
00:23:25Let's do it.
00:23:25Let's do it.
00:23:27Mr. Peabody,
00:23:29you've got yourself a deal.
00:23:30And you've got yourself a kid.
00:23:39Oh, here he comes.
00:23:41Flo,
00:23:42that's our son.
00:23:45Can you believe it?
00:23:46Oh, my God, I can't believe it.
00:23:47That's our boy.
00:23:48Oh, he's very handsome.
00:23:50I'll be the envy of the neighborhood.
00:23:52They look like a couple of yahoos.
00:23:54Oh.
00:23:58Hi.
00:24:01I think I'm gonna cry.
00:24:02You ever seen a grown man wear so much blue?
00:24:05Hey there, little buddy.
00:24:08I'm Ben.
00:24:09This is Flo.
00:24:11Put her there, partner.
00:24:12Hi.
00:24:12My name's Junior.
00:24:13My favorite color's blue.
00:24:14What's yours?
00:24:16Well, blue.
00:24:17My favorite color's blue, too.
00:24:19Can you believe it?
00:24:20He's perfect.
00:24:21He's wonderful.
00:24:22Come here.
00:24:24Sisters, goodbye.
00:24:25Goodbye, kids.
00:24:27Bye, everybody.
00:24:28Don't forget to ride.
00:24:36Hey, we must have gotten a pick of the litter.
00:24:38Look, everyone's come out to see him off.
00:25:01Here we are.
00:25:02Isn't this exciting?
00:25:04All right, everybody out.
00:25:05Everybody out.
00:25:06This is gonna be so great.
00:25:09Okay, now, everybody over by the house.
00:25:12This is Junior's first day at his new home.
00:25:15Okay, I want everyone over.
00:25:16Come on.
00:25:16Come on.
00:25:17Junior, put your suitcase down right here.
00:25:19Darling, I want you to hug him.
00:25:21A lot of teeth.
00:25:22I want everybody to be happy, all right?
00:25:24Smile and say, cheese doodles.
00:25:28Cheese doodles.
00:25:29That's great.
00:25:30That's terrific.
00:25:32So how come you adopted me?
00:25:33How come you just didn't have a baby?
00:25:37Well, gee, uh, you know, with a baby, you never know what you're getting.
00:25:42It could be a dud.
00:25:44But with you, see, there's no surprise.
00:25:46Mr. Peabody told us how terrific you are.
00:25:48He did?
00:25:49Sure.
00:25:49He said that you were voted most popular orphan two years in a row.
00:25:54That was smart, Logan.
00:25:57Here we go.
00:25:59Wow, this is a great house.
00:26:03And we're going to keep it neat and clean, aren't we?
00:26:11I hope you guys are insured.
00:26:15Oh, and you have a cat.
00:26:18Here, kitty, kitty.
00:26:20No, no, Junior, make nice with kitty.
00:26:24Only pet her this way.
00:26:26I've never seen Fuzzball act like that.
00:26:29Junior, come here.
00:26:30I want you to meet Polly.
00:26:31Come here.
00:26:33Polly, say hello to Junior.
00:26:36Hello.
00:26:37Hello.
00:26:38Is that the only word he knows?
00:26:40Yes, son.
00:26:41Come on, I want to show you the rest of the house.
00:26:43Uh-oh.
00:26:45Do I get my own bed?
00:26:47Your own bed, Junior.
00:26:48This is the big time you get your own room.
00:26:50Wow.
00:26:50I hope you like clowns.
00:26:57Oh, my God.
00:26:58They're retarded.
00:27:01What's up, Woody?
00:27:02Hey, big guy.
00:27:03Well, there sure are a lot of clowns.
00:27:06Yeah.
00:27:09That must be your new grandpa.
00:27:11Now, Junior, you stay right here.
00:27:12We'll give old Gramps a big surprise, okay?
00:27:14Shh.
00:27:16Shh.
00:27:17Shh.
00:27:17Shh.
00:27:18Shh.
00:27:19Shh.
00:27:19Shh.
00:27:20Shh.
00:27:22Shh.
00:27:22Shh.
00:27:23Dad, are we glad to see you.
00:27:25Come on in.
00:27:25Yeah.
00:27:26So what's this big surprise you drive me over here for?
00:27:29Well, Dad, here's a hint.
00:27:40You and Flo cooked up a cute little kid for my campaign.
00:27:44You know, I thought you were getting fatter, Mama.
00:27:47What did my little grandson do?
00:27:48Fatter?
00:27:49No, Dad, no, no.
00:27:51Fatter?
00:27:51Florence is not gonna have a baby.
00:27:54You rascal, you.
00:27:56You followed my advice and took your sperm to somebody who knows what to do with it, huh?
00:28:01A surrogate mother.
00:28:03Listen, tell me something.
00:28:04You make out with a cup or you get to bump a real life with you.
00:28:08No, no, Dad, we adopted.
00:28:11Are you insane?
00:28:14I thought you'd be happy.
00:28:17Come on.
00:28:18Happy.
00:28:19You don't know what you're letting yourself in for.
00:28:21Don't take mothers garbage blood.
00:28:23For all you know, his parents may have met in a loony bin.
00:28:25They might even be Democrats.
00:28:27He's a beautiful kid, Dad.
00:28:28Relax.
00:28:29Once you meet him, you'll love him like your very own.
00:28:31I would like to proudly present the newest member of the Healy family, Junior.
00:28:37No, Junior!
00:28:40You're in your $1,000 coat!
00:28:42Junior, are you in here?
00:28:43Junior!
00:28:44Junior!
00:28:45Oh, my God.
00:28:48It's the devil.
00:28:50Buddy, you okay?
00:28:51Yeah.
00:28:52Just a little smoky.
00:28:55Well, look, here's the problem.
00:28:57This clown must have shorted out.
00:29:00First they're coming out of his nose.
00:29:02I was so scared.
00:29:03Ah, little punk is lying.
00:29:05Dad, Dad.
00:29:07Well, I hope you kept the damn receipt.
00:29:10You got one bad receipt there.
00:29:12Keep your voice down.
00:29:12He could hear you.
00:29:13You'll hurt his feelings.
00:29:14It was just an accident.
00:29:16Accident?
00:29:17My ass.
00:29:17Get rid of him.
00:29:18Forget it, Dad.
00:29:18We've made our decision.
00:29:19Okay.
00:29:20But it's the last time I step foot in this house.
00:29:23Ah!
00:29:24Ah!
00:29:26Ah!
00:29:27Ah!
00:29:28Ah!
00:29:28Ah!
00:29:29Ah!
00:29:30Ah!
00:29:30Ah!
00:29:31Ah!
00:29:31Ah!
00:29:34Ah!
00:29:36Ah!
00:29:38Ah!
00:29:38The kids.
00:29:40Ah!
00:29:41Get rid of that kids!
00:29:43Ah!
00:29:43Ah!
00:29:43Get rid of them!
00:29:44Ah!
00:29:44Ah!
00:29:45Ah!
00:29:46Oh, I'll tell you.
00:29:47Get rid of that kids!
00:29:48Hey, kids!
00:29:49Ah!
00:29:51Ah!
00:29:54Ah!
00:29:55Ah!
00:29:55Ah!
00:29:57Ah!
00:30:04what about the fact that father's on his way to the hospital or or that juniors had such a traumatic
00:30:10first day did you stop and think about the poor boy he must feel horrible
00:30:17yeah but this might make me feel better
00:30:29oh i see a furry bunny and the furry bunny is running through delicate white snowflakes he's lying
00:30:41that's not what he sees i'm sorry i'm conducting an examination now what do you see martin see a
00:30:48battle pink flowers he's lying again how can he see pink it's a black and white picture
00:30:54there is no pink warden if you don't stop interrupting i am going to have to ask you
00:30:58to leave well there is no pink
00:31:03i see white fluffy clouds no you don't you see murder you see guts you see those seven bodies
00:31:11i'm going to ask you to leave all these damn liberal laws don't you understand he sees blood
00:31:16no that's what you see
00:31:17i am so sorry about that martin
00:31:25now let's get back to our examination
00:31:27shall we what do you see in this one
00:31:30i see
00:31:40i see
00:31:41hey doc how'd it go with the star patient
00:31:43oh that guy there's a few bricks missing from his building
00:31:47i have to say
00:32:17no
00:32:19hey what are you doing nothing gosh what happened here i was looking for some paper
00:32:27to write to get well note to big ben gee that's very thoughtful junior but these
00:32:33are mom's private drawers shouldn't go in there this is where she keeps her needle point and
00:32:38crochet i'm really sorry mr healy i was scared being all alone in my room of course i understand
00:33:00why you're scared this is your first night in your new home it's it's gonna take some getting used to
00:33:08you know junior i've got to confess i'm a little scared myself this is my first night being a dad
00:33:14well you'll learn quick enough learn learn what what it's like to be a dad and you'll get rid of
00:33:22me
00:33:24get rid of you junior we're never gonna get rid of you you're here forever
00:33:29the two of us we're gonna do everything together we'll ride bikes go fishing play catch i i really
00:33:37want to be a good dad i want to be a great dad and you know what i will never
00:33:42be too busy to sit
00:33:44down and listen to what's on my son's mind over a nice cup of hot cocoa
00:33:56hey sleepyhead y'all ready to go camping huh i was planning on watching cartoons don't be such a noodle
00:34:05when i was your age my father your grandfather was always too busy to ever take me camping you
00:34:12you are a lucky duck ben bring him come here junior i want you to meet someone mrs henderson
00:34:21little miss lucy what a nice surprise well we heard about your little accident and we thought this
00:34:31okay might cheer you up thank you i would like you to meet my son
00:34:37junior pleased to meet you ladies oh my he's a perfect little gentleman
00:34:44isn't he lucy he's so big yesterday they didn't even have a kid and now they have a seven-year
00:34:52-old
00:34:52that's gross i don't want him at my party lucy but mother he dresses like the man the cream
00:35:02mated uncle leo lucy's turning six this week but i don't think we'll have a clown this year
00:35:11or balloons or ice cream
00:35:18i'm having a birthday party saturday i think it would be nice if you came
00:35:28well we'll see you saturday too we'll be there mom lucy get my car thanks for the fruitcake i'll
00:35:35return the lovely platter thanks again this is wonderful we have finally been accepted this
00:35:40parent crap is really paying off i can't believe it it's a dream come true a birthday party now
00:35:45we're actually going camping with our own son not me pal i'm going to the mall to buy a dress
00:35:49for
00:35:49the party give me some money oh does what that mean you're you're not going camping with us not in
00:35:54your life oh okay junior this gives me an idea you know something i don't see why my son shouldn't
00:36:03be getting his very own allowance what do you say about that all right okay now this is going to
00:36:08give
00:36:09you a good opportunity to learn to manage money a buck how do you manage a buck come on mr
00:36:17molasses
00:36:18let's go we're late
00:36:25ah
00:36:28beep bears
00:36:30don't worry buddy bears rarely attack unless provoked
00:36:35now let's keep our eyes peeled for campsite number 32 that's the one roy reserved especially for us
00:36:43nice spot your friends reserved especially for us mr healy this is nature huh
00:36:50the sky the trees the toilets hey you guys you're not gonna see the sunset from over there come on
00:36:57over watching our riverbank come on i tell them to shove it mr healy oh it's no big deal more
00:37:03important why don't you call me dad i'd really like that i want to go home and watch tv tv
00:37:10what's tv
00:37:11compared to the to the call of the wild bobble ink and that spruce over there
00:37:18that's a pretty big bobble ink
00:37:20old mcdonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o
00:37:26and i'm in taylor bennett
00:37:31hey kids the weenies are almost done
00:37:34i don't believe this
00:37:37those are roy's kids
00:37:39they're sharing a brain
00:37:41the one on the end has it today
00:37:46little bed
00:37:48inside
00:37:48get in here
00:37:52so how does it feel your first night camping with your son
00:37:55oh boy it's great it's a dream it's a dream
00:37:57forget the fact that you had to go to the kid emporium and buy one
00:38:01big deal
00:38:02i mean we can't all produce six perfect little angels
00:38:04like me and harriet
00:38:06well i only got one but he's one in a million
00:38:14he's gonna give the kids a big scare isn't it
00:38:16well you got me
00:38:17wait a minute i got something
00:38:19i can't wait to see their little faces light up with excitement
00:38:22so real where'd you get this
00:38:25little ben
00:38:25now that your father
00:38:27try this all for size
00:38:33gee thanks roy
00:38:37the monkey thought it was all in fun
00:38:39pop goes a weasel
00:38:42a penny for a spool
00:38:44a thread
00:38:44a penny for a needle
00:38:46that's the way the money goes
00:38:49pop goes a weasel
00:38:51all right
00:38:52what do we do now
00:38:53let's tell ghost stories
00:38:55let's do some marshmallows
00:38:56let's light a forest fire
00:38:58don't you know it's bad to light forest fires
00:39:01that's the whole point
00:39:02i'm gonna tell my daddy on you
00:39:05i'm gonna tell
00:39:06i'm gonna tell
00:39:07let's give him the silent treatment
00:39:09yeah just ignore him
00:39:13ignore this
00:39:23this outdoor life is gonna be just the ticket for junior
00:39:26i think he's really gonna blossom out here
00:39:28we sure do enjoy it
00:39:30i bet you've never been camping before
00:39:32it's so much fun
00:39:34there's singing
00:39:37marshmallows
00:39:38and all sorts of stupid humans to scare
00:39:48you're a devil
00:40:08what's the matter kids
00:40:10you're afraid of a
00:40:11measly little bear
00:40:12he's not so bad
00:40:14this is great
00:40:16this is great
00:40:19let's see if he's ticklish
00:40:21mr bear ticklish
00:40:23goochie goochie
00:40:26goochie goochie
00:40:27that looks close
00:40:28you
00:40:32Roy?
00:40:33Roy!
00:40:35help!
00:40:37help!
00:40:38help!
00:40:49stay here
00:40:50stay here
00:40:51stay here
00:40:52stay here
00:40:54where'd he go?
00:40:55i think it left
00:41:19he must have learned it from the tourists
00:41:48i can't get it out of my head that junior was right there
00:41:51responsible for the camping thing you should have seen him laughing flow he was laughing his head
00:41:55off why don't you just lock him in his room tonight well it says here that children often
00:42:00misbehave just to get attention and we should resort to discipline only when other forms of
00:42:05positive reinforcement have failed reinforce that dickhead mrs. henderson your home is lovely
00:42:22call me marion marion this is fabulous there's nothing more wonderful than children playing
00:42:29hearing the sound of the little voices laughing excuse me but marion did you see junior's little
00:42:43well i hope so big ben means big business junior i got some buttons for the kids and some bumper
00:42:50stickers for their bikes now why don't you do your grandfather a big favor and pass them out among
00:42:55your little friends huh what for what for for ten bucks that's what's for sure grandpa
00:43:05kids huh
00:43:20hey put that down that's mine these are all my presents i was only looking at it well you're
00:43:26gonna break it get away from it's mine who's that he's a new boy but he can't play with us
00:43:33he's got
00:43:34cooties he's not even a real kid he's adopted ew gross all right boys and girls come on out time
00:43:43time for the magic show all right you can't come out why not because i said so it's my party
00:43:52and i get to say who
00:43:54who could watch my magic show and who can't
00:44:13why aren't you outside watching the magic show clowns are dumb it's tough being left out isn't it
00:44:23if if i were to give you something would you promise to take very good care of it
00:44:35my grandfather gave this to me just before he died
00:44:39what is it
00:44:42it's a prune
00:44:43hardened it's a it's a hardened prune
00:44:46the grandfather became a little senile toward the end he thought it resembled roosevelt
00:44:51but the important thing is that it's a bond between two people
00:44:59i've kept it in my pocket for almost 30 years
00:45:02ben get over here i want you to meet the hofsteaders
00:45:05coming sweetheart i know you'll take as good a care of it as i have
00:45:09ben move it
00:45:18you can't come to my magic show
00:45:23i had some magic of my own
00:45:26it's my party and i'll cry if i want to
00:45:29cry if i want to
00:45:31cry if i want to
00:45:33you would cry too if it happened to you
00:45:41nobody knows where my johnny has got it
00:45:45a shooting left the same time
00:45:49why was he holding her hand
00:45:52when he's supposed to be mine
00:45:55it's my party and i'll cry if i want to
00:46:00cry if i want to
00:46:01cry if i want to
00:46:03you would cry too if it happened to you
00:46:21you would cry too if it happened to you
00:46:24it's my party and i'll cry if i want to
00:46:29cry if i want to
00:46:31cry if i want to
00:46:33you would cry too if it happened to you
00:46:55judy and johnny just walk through the door
00:46:59like a queen with her king
00:47:06oh it's my party and i'll cry if i want to
00:47:14oh it's my party and i'll cry if i want to
00:47:16cry if i want to
00:47:16cry if i want to
00:47:18you would cry too if it happened to you
00:47:40perhaps this was the one step too far
00:47:42this could be a problem
00:47:43i think we've got a problem
00:47:45oh you think we've got a problem
00:47:46well you want to know what i think
00:47:48i think we should get rid of the kid and buy a new cat
00:47:51flow you're not making any sense
00:47:52oh you want to make sense
00:47:54why don't you show him who's boss
00:47:56here be a man
00:48:04please god i'm so sorry for what i've done
00:48:07i won't ever do it again i promise
00:48:10and i don't ever want to cause mr healy any trouble
00:48:13he's the only one that's ever been nice to me
00:48:19please don't spank me mr healy
00:48:23boy junior i don't want to but
00:48:25you're gonna have to be punished so
00:48:29i'm gonna take back your allowance
00:48:31the whole buck
00:48:33that's right now just hand it over
00:48:42i wonder if he's got changed for a 20
00:48:53okay i think you better go right to bed
00:48:56just use this time to think about what you've done
00:48:59and what you're going to do
00:49:02understand
00:49:06i hope you've learned a lesson
00:49:09good night
00:49:12what is this guy
00:49:14nice or something
00:49:28can i help you
00:49:37smiley pies
00:49:40i ain't had a smiley pie in 15 years
00:50:09i'll see you guys
00:50:18Now, Cold River's favorite son, Big Ben Healy.
00:50:25First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who's supporting me in my race for mayor.
00:50:32This is the Founders Day game. It really doesn't matter who wins or loses, just so long as Big Ben
00:50:38wins for mayor.
00:50:41And when you little fellas hit one out, and that scoreboard lights up, I want you to remember Big Ben.
00:50:56We go to the seventh inning, tied three to three.
00:51:13All right, shake it off. Now, somebody's going to have to pinch hit for Andy.
00:51:17Okay, buddy, this is it. Your big moment.
00:51:20Who, me?
00:51:21Of course you, junior. Come on, I need you to bat. Get up, grab a helmet.
00:51:27Get a bat, that's a boy.
00:51:30But, but I don't know how to play baseball.
00:51:32Well, now's as good a time as any to learn.
00:51:35But what happens if...
00:51:37It doesn't matter what happens.
00:51:39The important thing is that you stand up there and take your cuts, okay?
00:51:43Remember, I'll be proud of you no matter how you do.
00:51:46All right, buddy.
00:51:46Are you out of your mind, for God's sake?
00:51:49Putting our little monster in the game?
00:51:50I'm running a campaign here. I have to look good.
00:51:52Junior will do just fine, Dad. You can do it, buddy. You can do it. Come on.
00:51:55Nice little time, Moosebret.
00:51:58But you saw a lot of Girl Scout cookies wearing that.
00:52:00No batter, Corey.
00:52:09Franklin!
00:52:12You know, if that kid wasn't adopted, I'd swear he was your real son.
00:52:17Who are you, sweetie pie? You weren't on the team the last time we beat you.
00:52:21The guy I'm staying with is the coach.
00:52:23Oh, you mean that big dork who buys everyone ice cream.
00:52:27He is not a dork!
00:52:29Watch the pitcher, not the catcher, buddy. Come on!
00:52:32Come on!
00:52:45Oh, my new car! Oh, my God!
00:52:49Shake it up, okay? Just tighten up that grip, all right?
00:52:51All right, meet the ball.
00:52:52Whatever you do, hold on to the bat, okay?
00:52:55Come on, boy!
00:52:56Good idea.
00:52:57Yeah.
00:52:59Hold on to the bat.
00:53:00Son of dork!
00:53:02Son of dork!
00:53:03Son of dork!
00:53:05Son of dork!
00:53:07Son of dork!
00:53:30No, that's no good.
00:53:32Hey, you can't do that.
00:53:38Drop the bat, Junior.
00:53:41Are you nuts?
00:53:59Come on, little dork, I've got something for you.
00:54:09Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!
00:54:12Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!
00:54:19Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!
00:54:25We've adopted Satan.
00:54:27I don't know what you could have been thinking about.
00:54:30We've done everything we can of you. Now you wait right here, I'm gonna get the priest.
00:54:38Hello, Mr. Healy. Remember me? You sold me a canteen.
00:54:42Well, did we have a great camping trip. I caught three fish. My dad was really proud.
00:54:48Blow it out your ass.
00:54:53Junior! Junior!
00:54:56Get back here, you little heathen!
00:54:59Junior!
00:55:00Where are you, you little creep?
00:55:02Get back here, you little creep!
00:55:20Bless you, Father, for our sin. Father?
00:55:23Father?
00:55:26Father, I'm at the end of my rope.
00:55:28It's about my kid. He's a real problem. He does the most terrible things, hideous things.
00:55:33My, my, my, my father hates him. My wife hates him. Everybody hates him.
00:55:36Well, everybody except me. And I've had it with him myself.
00:55:40God, I failed, Father. The kid hates me.
00:55:43It's time I faced up to what I do have to do.
00:55:46I'm gonna take him back to the orphanage.
00:55:48Grandma, you don't wanna do that! That's the worst thing you could do!
00:56:07Can I call you back in five minutes?
00:56:09It's all yours.
00:56:10Ben, Blow, can we discuss this?
00:56:12There is nothing to discuss!
00:56:13We're signing him back over to you right now!
00:56:16Bad parents make bad children!
00:56:18Oh, so now I'm a bad parent just because I hate my kid!
00:56:21There's something very, very strange about that boy!
00:56:23He is twisted, and you're not gonna buy him off on us!
00:56:24You took him, he's yours!
00:56:26That's because you condescended him!
00:56:28What am I supposed to do with the little creep?
00:56:30He's already been returned thirty times!
00:56:33Well, this makes thirty-one, Charlie.
00:56:35Okay, Mr. and Mrs., we don't care about brown hair and brown eyes,
00:56:39we just wanna take him into our home and let him play with our disgusting cats!
00:56:42Hold it, hold it! Stop! Stop!
00:56:44Wait!
00:56:45What, what are we talking about?
00:56:47Thirty?
00:56:48Thirty times?
00:56:49Flo, did you hear that? He's been returned?
00:56:51My God, this is a human being we're talking about!
00:56:55Don't you give me that human being crap!
00:56:56That kid's a monster!
00:56:57Flo, don't you see?
00:56:58We're doing what everybody else has done to this child.
00:57:01I mean, it's easy to give up on a kid.
00:57:03Damn straight it is.
00:57:04But isn't that what's wrong with the world today?
00:57:08I mean, everybody's looking for the easy way out.
00:57:10They're, they're, they're, they're, they're hoping that their problems will just go away.
00:57:15But problems don't just go, Flo, you know?
00:57:20So, the question before us is what are we gonna do with our little problem child?
00:57:25I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
00:57:27Something that no one's ever done for him ever before.
00:57:31We're gonna love him, Flo.
00:57:33Oh, yes.
00:57:34We're gonna love him when he's bad.
00:57:36We're gonna love him even harder when he's worse.
00:57:38Until one day, he's gonna crack and say,
00:57:42Hey, these folks really do love me.
00:57:46They ain't gonna quit on me.
00:57:49I don't have to be bad anymore.
00:57:52What the hay?
00:57:53I can be President of the United States!
00:57:57President of the United States?
00:57:59Are you brain damaged?
00:58:01Junior's gonna be a convict before he's in third grade!
00:58:03Shh!
00:58:04Junior.
00:58:06Son.
00:58:08Junior, unlock the door.
00:58:09You said you were gonna keep me forever.
00:58:13I am.
00:58:14I'm sorry.
00:58:15I just made a mistake.
00:58:17Trust me.
00:58:17We're not gonna take you back to the orphanage.
00:58:21I don't believe you.
00:58:22You only pretended to be my friend.
00:58:24You're just like all the others.
00:58:27Junior.
00:58:29Now, come on, son.
00:58:32You moron!
00:58:34You left the keys in the car!
00:58:36Hey!
00:58:37Good drive!
00:58:38Boy, that's great!
00:58:40Look at you handle this, baby!
00:58:42I'm so proud of you, son!
00:58:46Junior!
00:58:47Junior!
00:58:49Hold it!
00:58:52Get out of the way, you jerk!
00:58:55Left! Turn left!
00:58:58You're right, Junior!
00:59:00Watch it!
00:59:04No!
00:59:07No, no, no, no!
00:59:08Shoot!
00:59:09Don't touch that!
00:59:10Don't touch that!
00:59:11Oh!
00:59:12Yeah!
00:59:19No!
00:59:23No, no!
00:59:25Watch it!
00:59:30Oh!
00:59:31Oh!
00:59:33I'm so proud.
00:59:34Born to be wild...
00:59:38Oh!
00:59:42Oh!
00:59:43Oh!
00:59:44Oh!
00:59:45Oh!
00:59:45Oh!
00:59:46Oh!
00:59:49Oh!
01:00:02hello
01:00:04ben jim o'connor are you sitting down yes bad news ben your father cleaned out your bank account
01:00:11to pay for the damage to his store look i know nothing can make up for the loss of your
01:00:15life
01:00:15savings but if we dad uh-oh he's lost it now
01:00:46all right
01:00:53private business hi
01:00:56get out of my way kid i'm looking for jr that's me junior
01:01:05i don't have time for this crap kid
01:01:09the guy i'm looking for is an ex-con and he's as mean as a rattlesnake that's me dummy i
01:01:17sent you
01:01:17all those letters man i drove a thousand miles to hang out with a seven-year-old i'm gonna be
01:01:25eight in two weeks don't count on it
01:01:33mr healy mrs healy i'd like you to meet the greatest guy in the whole wide world martin uh
01:01:42uncle marty yeah uncle marty marty this is mr and mrs healy and that's the three thousand dollar
01:01:48stereo system and the console tv how wonderful an uncle you absolutely must stay the night
01:01:55it is so wonderful to meet the uncle of our darling little junior
01:01:59did you hear that uncle marty we've got to treat this guy like royalty we've got to make him think
01:02:05that junior's an angel we can't let him leave without taking that little brat with him
01:02:10everybody just loves junior would you believe that for pocket money he helped some of the older
01:02:15residents with their groceries in that right ben
01:02:20but if only he had a blood relative taking care of him someone with a natural tie
01:02:26like an uncle more meatloaf marty yeah i'll get you some
01:02:32this guy is just so appealing i'll give you a hand
01:02:41your nephew is such a delight around the house he's always cleaning and tidying up after all of us
01:02:46perfect for a single man living alone are you a bachelor marty
01:02:53i ain't been with a woman in 15 years
01:02:57well women just love single male parents i mean if you had a kid like junior the women would be
01:03:02flocking over you
01:03:15did you say 15 years
01:03:21oh
01:03:28oh
01:03:29oh
01:03:30oh
01:03:30oh
01:03:30oh
01:03:38oh
01:03:39oh
01:04:00Hey, let me show you all the stuff I brought for our trip
01:04:03I got my ammo
01:04:04There's guns, hand grenades
01:04:07And even dynamite
01:04:13These are toys
01:04:14What are you jerking me around for?
01:04:17This is giddy stuff
01:04:20Hey, what'd you do that for?
01:04:23Don't we need supplies?
01:04:24What are you talking about?
01:04:26I'm not working with you
01:04:27But I thought we were going to be partners
01:04:30I thought you liked me
01:04:32Hey, I don't like no one
01:04:35I work alone
01:04:39Goodbye, Junior
01:04:40Goodbye, Flo
01:04:41Oh, I am so sad to see you go
01:04:45A hundred thousand dollars?
01:04:46Ha!
01:04:47You can keep them!
01:04:49Good morning!
01:04:50Hello, sunshine!
01:04:54I thought this was supposed to be our honeymoon
01:04:56You said you loved me
01:04:58You called me a little kumquat
01:05:00This is our honeymoon, you moron
01:05:03Moron?
01:05:05Moron?
01:05:06I went to Radcliffe
01:05:07I'm not just some uneducated bimbo
01:05:09You can tie up and do whatever you want with
01:05:11Shut up!
01:05:12I will not shut up!
01:05:13Hey, let me out of here!
01:05:15Look back to this house
01:05:15And you stupid pieces
01:05:17You're going to help me with this!
01:05:19Okay, you're going to have to open this trunk
01:05:20I'm going to be waiting
01:05:21And when I'm done with you
01:05:22You're going to be singing full set-o!
01:05:26Here's Daddy!
01:05:31Goodbye, Junior!
01:05:33Adios!
01:05:35Hasta la wazo!
01:05:38Sayonara!
01:05:43Yes, that's very creative, Junior
01:05:47Yeah, right on the money
01:06:10He liked me
01:06:13All this time, he actually liked me
01:06:28Over, Big Mac, here we go
01:06:34You can't go in!
01:06:36Your father's making a television appearance for his campaign!
01:06:38Three, four...
01:06:41Dad!
01:06:42Dad, I gotta talk to you
01:06:44What the hell are you doing here?
01:06:46I'm about to go on the air!
01:06:47Lawrence and Junior have been kidnapped!
01:06:49Five minutes, Mr. Eamon
01:06:50All right, all right
01:06:51I need $100,000
01:06:52Are you insane?
01:06:53That kid is a monster
01:06:54And your wife is the original pain in the ass
01:06:56This is the best damn thing that could have happened to you
01:06:59Dad, are you going to lend me the money or not?
01:07:01No, I'm not going to lend it to you
01:07:02You work for me, remember?
01:07:04I know what you get
01:07:05You're a damn credit risk
01:07:08Okay, then I quit as your son
01:07:10All right, just get the hell out of here, huh?
01:07:13I got a goddamn campaign to win
01:07:14Oh, your campaign
01:07:15The one thing you do care about
01:07:20Hey, Dad, why don't you go ahead and tell the voters
01:07:22What you really plan on doing with this town?
01:07:24I don't give a rat's ass
01:07:26Well, I guess we're ready with that live feed
01:07:29From Big Ben Healing on the campaign trail
01:07:31And you're not
01:07:32America for the Americans
01:07:34Do you believe that nonsense?
01:07:36Just stuart and I thought
01:07:37I'd sell my soul to the Japanese
01:07:39If that'd make me an offer
01:07:41And as for you
01:07:42Don't come sucking around me
01:07:43If you want something
01:07:44The only thing you'll get from me is this
01:08:05Hello
01:08:06You got the money?
01:08:09Uh, yeah
01:08:11Good
01:08:12Bring it to the circus
01:08:14I'll be waiting at the tiger cage
01:08:19Roy
01:08:20I need your car
01:08:21Hey, forget about it, Jester
01:08:23We're going hunting
01:08:24So am I
01:08:25Hey, little Ben
01:08:26You can't borrow it
01:08:27We're all packed up, ready to go
01:08:28What are you doing?
01:08:30Get comfortable in there
01:08:31You're not going anywhere, buddy
01:08:32Hey!
01:08:33Hey!
01:08:34Just wait a minute
01:08:35Oh, great
01:08:36Well, the joke's over
01:08:37I'm back
01:08:38Yeah
01:08:39What do you think you're doing?
01:08:41Hey!
01:08:44Hey!
01:08:46Hey!
01:08:46Get back here, you!
01:08:48Ben!
01:08:49Hey!
01:08:52Get back here!
01:08:55Gee, I've never been to the circus before
01:08:57I'd sure like to try a swizzle dog
01:09:00Yeah, well, I hate circuses
01:09:01Nothing worse than a bunch of clowns
01:09:03Trying to make you laugh
01:09:15Look, a giraffe
01:09:16Look, a fish
01:09:23Clowns
01:09:25Help!
01:09:26Help!
01:09:27Let me out of here!
01:09:29I know you're out there
01:09:30Get!
01:09:31Help!
01:09:32Why isn't anybody doing anything?
01:09:34I know you're out there
01:09:35I can hear you breathing
01:09:42Hey, Morton
01:09:43Let's go see the bearded lady
01:09:45No
01:09:45I've seen too many of them in prison
01:09:47Now stop bugging me
01:09:48Or you're going to get hurt
01:09:49What did you say, you bow-tied freak?
01:09:52Nobody hurts my boy
01:09:53Now let him go
01:09:55Forget it, big daddy
01:09:57Now this is my show
01:09:58I'm calling the shots
01:10:00Okay
01:10:01We make a switch on the count of three
01:10:04You toss the money
01:10:05And I release Junior
01:10:07Fine
01:10:09One
01:10:10Two
01:10:11Three
01:10:13Hey, what are you
01:10:14Sucker
01:10:14Give me the boy
01:10:15Why?
01:10:16He doesn't want to go with you
01:10:17He wants to go with me
01:10:19How about it, kid?
01:10:20We'll go on a crime spree
01:10:22We'll terrorize the whole state
01:10:24We'll eat smiley pies until we drop
01:10:27What do you say?
01:10:32Come on, let's have some kicks
01:10:34Telly me
01:10:35Telly me
01:10:36Yeah, kicks
01:10:38Good idea
01:10:45Tear you apart, you little brat
01:10:47Not while I'm around
01:10:48How'd you get right?
01:10:52My money
01:10:59Hold it
01:11:00The astounding Aslanian family
01:11:05Tumblearm
01:11:06The astounding Aslanian family
01:11:55I'll get you now!
01:12:15Junior, are you okay?
01:12:16Yeah, I'm fine, Dad.
01:12:19You called me Dad.
01:12:21Yeah, I guess I did.
01:12:30Hey, he's getting away.
01:12:31Nobody messes with the Heelys and gets away.
01:12:33Come on.
01:12:36There he is.
01:12:39There's nothing like going for an outing with your body.
01:12:43Wow, look what I found.
01:12:45Hey, that's Royce.
01:12:46Give me that.
01:12:46Why, you can't drive and shoot at the same time.
01:12:49What do we do?
01:12:49I got an idea.
01:12:54Go get him, Dad.
01:12:56Faster, son.
01:12:57Faster.
01:12:58That a boy.
01:13:00Shoot out his car, Dad.
01:13:03Hey!
01:13:07I think they had to drop their body.
01:13:14What the hell is going on here?
01:13:17Ben, I want a divorce.
01:13:19Shut up, Flo.
01:13:19You are the only one.
01:13:21You are the only one.
01:13:26You are the only one.
01:13:26You are the only one.
01:13:27Yeah.
01:13:36Whoa!
01:13:38I don't see you.
01:13:40Stop, Junior.
01:13:41Stop.
01:13:42Hit the brakes.
01:13:58Now what the hell's going on?
01:14:00What's that smell?
01:14:02Well, Flo always said she wanted to travel.
01:14:08Come on, let's go home.
01:14:10Move it!
01:14:14Get in, I'll traitor!
01:14:17No!
01:14:24No!
01:14:30Daddy!
01:14:31Daddy, please don't go.
01:14:34I'm sorry for all those bad things I did.
01:14:36If you come back, I promise I'll never do anything naughty again.
01:14:40Daddy, come back.
01:14:42I love you.
01:14:45I love you too, son.
01:14:48Dad?
01:14:48I don't believe it.
01:14:51I don't believe it either.
01:14:54Are you going to be okay?
01:14:56Uh, yeah.
01:14:59But the prune's had it.
01:15:02Please, don't leave.
01:15:03An ambulance is on the way.
01:15:04I'll be all right, officer.
01:15:05He got me in the prune.
01:15:08Okay.
01:15:09Now you're not going to hold me to all that stupid junk I said about being nice, are you?
01:15:14Of course not.
01:15:15I just want you to be yourself.
01:15:19Some people never learn.
01:15:22Come on, son.
01:15:39Come on.
01:15:42Why does this guy love me?
01:15:44Why do parents love any kid?
01:15:47Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know.
01:15:49Like, how high is up?
01:15:51Why is the sky blue?
01:15:53And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?
01:15:56Hey, your pig's making fun of noises.
01:15:58Yeah.
01:15:59Pig McGinn, he's got a bad stomach.
01:16:01Pig McGinn, he's got a bad stomach.
01:16:31At work until you're 93.
01:16:34Oh, you're 90.
01:16:39Now everybody says you're running wild.
01:16:44Your teacher's calling you a proper child.
01:16:50Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:16:53Oh, yeah.
01:16:54Oh, yeah.
01:17:00You're just a kid now, but soon you'll be a king of hearts.
01:17:05Hearts.
01:17:09Oh, yeah.
01:17:10That girl next door might turn into a work of art.
01:17:20Some people saying, put the boy on trial.
01:17:25He's guilty because he's just a juver.
01:17:29Oh, yeah.
01:17:32Oh, yeah.
01:17:35Oh, yeah.
01:17:36Oh, yeah.
01:17:37Oh, yeah.
01:17:39Oh, yeah.
01:17:40Oh, yeah.
01:17:41You make us crazy.
01:17:44You make us smile.
01:17:47Someday you'll grow a boy and you'll change your style.
01:17:51First, you'll be married with kids after a while.
01:17:57And one of them might want to be a broken child, yeah.
01:18:23You make us crazy.
01:18:25You make us smile.
01:18:28Someday you'll grow a boy and you'll change your style.
01:18:33First, you'll be married with kids after a while.
01:18:38And one of them might want to be a broken child.
01:18:43Oh, baby.
01:18:44Who wants to grow up?
01:18:46Who wants responsibility?
01:18:50Oh, yeah.
01:18:54Who wants to show up at work until you're 93?
01:18:59Oh, no, not me
01:19:04Now everybody says you're running wild
01:19:09Your teacher's calling you a proper child
01:19:14Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah
01:19:24You're just a kid now
01:19:27But soon you'll be a king of hearts
01:19:34Oh, yeah, that girl next door might turn into a work of art
01:19:46Some people saying, put the boy on trial
01:19:51He's guilty because he's just a juve
01:19:55Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
01:20:18oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
01:20:23oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
01:20:25oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
01:20:25oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
01:20:25oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah
01:20:25I love you.
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