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00:00:07They just walked out of there.
00:00:08Yeah, I know.
00:00:09I'm sort of sitting next to you.
00:00:10The whole Waters family.
00:00:12They just walked right out of there.
00:00:13Again, I was in the room.
00:00:14How do they all do it again?
00:00:19And next time we're going to catch them in the act.
00:00:22How?
00:00:31They always know we're coming.
00:00:33How do they always know?
00:00:35They're good.
00:00:36They work at it.
00:00:37And then they're going to stop.
00:00:38Oh, no, they're away.
00:00:40Oh, no, they're away.
00:01:08They're going to do this in the act.
00:01:12Oh, no, they're away.
00:01:21Oh, no.
00:01:37I don't know.
00:01:38I don't know.
00:01:39Yeah, very efficiently hacked. They must be bloody pleased with themselves.
00:01:44It must be.
00:01:51Right then.
00:01:53Ah, no! You've got to make the arrest. This one's yours, boss.
00:01:56No, call me boss before.
00:01:58Well, that's what happens when you're good.
00:02:00No, most days aren't good days. This is a good day.
00:02:04Not for the Waters family.
00:02:06OK, ten men on the roof. All exits covered. The bank's closed so we've no hostages to worry about.
00:02:11Sorry, no, go on, go on.
00:02:13We've got the tunnel entrance covered and Davis Willow and Christie are heading up on response on Macking Road.
00:02:19Sorry, I'd better get this.
00:02:20It's him, isn't it?
00:02:27I have to go.
00:02:28What?
00:02:29You make the arrest.
00:02:30No way.
00:02:30Sorry, you'll be fine. I'm cool with this.
00:02:32Jones will get all the credit if you leave now. You know he will.
00:02:36Yeah, it doesn't matter. I'll have to go.
00:02:43Back up! I need maximum backup! Baker Street now!
00:02:57What's going on?
00:02:58This is hard.
00:03:00What?
00:03:01Really hard. Hardest thing I've ever had to do.
00:03:05Are there any funny stories about John?
00:03:09What?
00:03:11I need anecdotes.
00:03:12You didn't have any trouble, did you?
00:03:17Oh!
00:03:19Oh!
00:03:46I don't know.
00:04:04Shut up, Mrs Hudson.
00:04:06I haven't said a word.
00:04:08You're formulating a question.
00:04:10It's physically painful watching you think.
00:04:11I thought it was you playing.
00:04:13Was me playing.
00:04:15I am composing.
00:04:17You were dancing.
00:04:19I was road testing.
00:04:20You what?
00:04:22Why are you here?
00:04:23I'm bringing you your morning tea.
00:04:25You're not usually awake.
00:04:27You bring me tea in the morning?
00:04:28Where do you think it came from?
00:04:30I don't know.
00:04:30I just thought it sort of happened.
00:04:32Your mother has a lot to answer for.
00:04:34I know.
00:04:35I have a list.
00:04:36Mycroft has a file.
00:04:39So, it's the big day then.
00:04:42What big day?
00:04:43The wedding.
00:04:45John and Mary getting married.
00:04:46Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, have a party, go on a short holiday, then
00:04:50carry on living together.
00:04:51What's big about that?
00:04:52It changes people, marriage.
00:04:54No, it doesn't.
00:04:55Well, you wouldn't understand because you always live alone.
00:04:59Your husband was executed for double murder.
00:05:01You're hardly an advert for companionship.
00:05:03Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine.
00:05:06As does lethal injection.
00:05:08My best friend, Margaret, she was my chief bridesmaid.
00:05:11We were going to be best friends forever.
00:05:13We always said that.
00:05:14But I hardly saw after that.
00:05:16Well, they're usually biscuits.
00:05:17I've run out.
00:05:18At the shops.
00:05:18She cried the whole day saying, oh, it's the end of an era.
00:05:22I'm sure the shop in the corner is open.
00:05:23She was probably right, really.
00:05:25I remember she left early.
00:05:27I mean, who leaves the wedding early?
00:05:29So sad.
00:05:31Anyway, you've got things to do.
00:05:33Not really.
00:05:34I've got plenty of time to...
00:05:35Biscuits!
00:05:36I really am going to have a word with your mother.
00:05:38Can, if you like, she understands very little.
00:05:56Right, then.
00:06:03Into battle.
00:06:05Into battle.
00:06:09Into battle.
00:06:21Into battle.
00:06:24Into battle.
00:06:34Unity��.
00:06:42Let's go.
00:07:06Congratulations.
00:07:07Okay, hold it there.
00:07:08I want to get this shot from the newlyweds.
00:07:11Just the bride and groom, please.
00:07:14Shall I?
00:07:15Oh, sorry.
00:07:17Okay, three, two, one, cheese.
00:07:28Famous Mr. Holmes.
00:07:30I'm very pleased to meet you.
00:07:32With no sex, okay?
00:07:34Sorry.
00:07:35You don't have to look so scared.
00:07:36I've already messed it.
00:07:38Bridesmaid, best man.
00:07:39It's a bit traditional.
00:07:41Is it?
00:07:42But not obligatory.
00:07:43That's the sort of thing you're looking for.
00:07:44The man over there in blue is your best bet.
00:07:46Recently divorced doctor with the ginger cat.
00:07:48A bone conversion.
00:07:50The history of erectile dysfunction.
00:07:52Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet.
00:07:54Yeah, maybe not.
00:07:55Sorry, there was one more deduction there than I was expecting.
00:07:57Mr. Holmes, you're going to be incredibly useful.
00:08:08Hello.
00:08:09Lovely to meet you.
00:08:11Beautiful, Mary.
00:08:14David!
00:08:15Oh, Mary.
00:08:17Congratulations.
00:08:18You look, um, very nice.
00:08:20Thanks.
00:08:20John, congratulations.
00:08:21You're a lucky man.
00:08:23Um, David, this is Sherlock.
00:08:24Um, yeah, we've, um, we've met.
00:08:32So, what exactly are my duties as an usher?
00:08:37Let's talk about Mary first.
00:08:39To what?
00:08:40I think you know what.
00:08:41You went out with her for two years.
00:08:43Uh, eight years ago.
00:08:44We're just good friends now.
00:08:46Is that a fact?
00:08:47Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes,
00:08:49regardless of time or current location,
00:08:51suggesting you have her on text alert in all your Facebook photographs
00:08:53of the happy couple, Mary takes center frame,
00:08:55whereas John is always partly or entirely excluded.
00:08:57I can't assume from that.
00:08:58I've still got some kind of interest in Mary.
00:09:01You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry
00:09:02on no less than three separate occasions.
00:09:04Do you have anything to say in your difference?
00:09:06I think from now I would downgrade you to casual acquaintance,
00:09:09no more than three planned social encounters a year,
00:09:11not always in John's presence.
00:09:13I have your contact details.
00:09:14I will be monitoring.
00:09:17Is that right about you?
00:09:19You're a bloody psychopath.
00:09:21High-functioning sociopath.
00:09:22With your number.
00:09:34Hello.
00:09:37Hello.
00:09:41Thanks, Nicole.
00:09:45Well done in the service, Archie.
00:09:47He's really come out of his shell.
00:09:49I don't know how you did it.
00:09:56Basically, it's a cute smile to the bride's side,
00:09:57cute smile to the groom's side,
00:09:58and then the rings.
00:09:59No.
00:10:00And you have to wear the outfit.
00:10:01No.
00:10:01You really do have to wear the outfit.
00:10:02What for?
00:10:03Grown-ups like that sort of thing.
00:10:04Why?
00:10:05I don't know.
00:10:06I'll ask one.
00:10:07You're a detective.
00:10:10Yep.
00:10:11Have you solved any murders?
00:10:12Sure, loads.
00:10:13Can I see?
00:10:15You're all right.
00:10:23What's all the stuff in his eye?
00:10:25Maggot.
00:10:26Cool.
00:10:26What?
00:10:27Hmm.
00:10:29He said you had some pictures for him.
00:10:30As a treat.
00:10:31Er, yes.
00:10:32If he's, um, good.
00:10:33The Hedding.
00:10:34Lovely little village.
00:10:36Hmm.
00:10:36I wanted to see.
00:10:45Nice.
00:10:51I'm starving.
00:10:53Thanks.
00:10:53Do you have so much weight to get into this dress?
00:10:56Hmm.
00:10:58He's nice.
00:10:59Traces of two leading brands of deodorant,
00:11:01both advertised for their strengths,
00:11:02suggestive of a chronic body odour problem manifesting under stress.
00:11:04Okay, done there.
00:11:05What about his friend?
00:11:10Long-term relationship.
00:11:11Compulsive cheat.
00:11:12Seriously?
00:11:13What a good cover in his smartphone.
00:11:15Yet his complexion doesn't matter.
00:11:16Doesn't indicate outdoor work.
00:11:19Suggests he's in the habit of taking his phone into the shower with him,
00:11:21which means he often receives texts and emails he'd rather went unseen.
00:11:23Can I keep you?
00:11:24You like solving crime?
00:11:25Do you have a vacancy?
00:11:28So, Harry?
00:11:29Er, no, no show.
00:11:30Darling, I'm so sorry.
00:11:31There's a bit of a punt asking her, I suppose.
00:11:34Still, free bar.
00:11:35Wouldn't have been a good mix.
00:11:39Oh, God, wow.
00:11:41Is that...
00:11:41He came.
00:11:46So that's him.
00:11:47I'm serious.
00:11:48Major Schulte.
00:11:49Uh-huh.
00:11:52They're such good friends.
00:11:54Why does he barely even mention him?
00:11:56He mentions him all the time to me.
00:11:57He never shuts up about him.
00:11:59About him?
00:12:00Mm-hmm.
00:12:01I chose this wine.
00:12:03It's bloody awful.
00:12:03It's definitely him that he talks about.
00:12:05Mm-hmm.
00:12:06I'm very, very glad to see you, sir.
00:12:10I know you don't really do this sort of thing.
00:12:13Well, I do for old friends, Watson.
00:12:15John.
00:12:17It's good to see you.
00:12:17You too.
00:12:21Civilian life suiting you, then?
00:12:23Er, er, yes.
00:12:24Well, I think so, sir.
00:12:25No more need for the trick cyclist?
00:12:26No, I don't now and then.
00:12:28Sort of a top-up.
00:12:30The therapy can be very helpful.
00:12:35Where are you living these days?
00:12:37Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere.
00:12:39You wouldn't know it.
00:12:41You look well.
00:12:41Everyone knows him, say his name.
00:12:43Well, he's almost a recluse, you know, since...
00:12:45Yes.
00:12:46I didn't think he'd show up at all.
00:12:48John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met.
00:12:50He is?
00:12:50He's the most unsociable?
00:12:52That's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy.
00:12:55Oh, Sherlock.
00:12:57Neither of us were the first, you know.
00:12:59Stop smiling.
00:13:00It's my wedding day.
00:13:02It's my wedding day.
00:13:04Grr.
00:13:32Yes, what?
00:13:34Sherlock.
00:13:35Sherlock.
00:13:35Why are you out of breath?
00:13:37Filing.
00:13:38Either I've caught you in a compromising position, or you've been working out again,
00:13:41in favour of the latter.
00:13:42What do you want?
00:13:42I need your answer, Mycroft.
00:13:44It's a matter of urgency.
00:13:45Answer?
00:13:46Even at the eleventh hour, it's not too late, do you know?
00:13:49Oh, Lord.
00:13:50Cars can be ordered, private jets commandeers.
00:13:53Today.
00:13:53It's today, isn't it?
00:13:56No, Sherlock, I will not be coming till the night do, as you so poetically put it.
00:14:00What a shame.
00:14:02Mary and John will be extremely...
00:14:04delighted not to have me hanging around.
00:14:06Oh, I don't know.
00:14:07There should always be a spectre at the feast.
00:14:11So, this is it then.
00:14:13The big day.
00:14:14I suppose I'll be seeing a lot more of you from now on.
00:14:17What do you mean?
00:14:17You're just like old times.
00:14:19No, I don't understand.
00:14:20Well, it's the end of an era, isn't it?
00:14:22John and Mary.
00:14:24Domestic bliss.
00:14:25No, no, no, I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter.
00:14:30What?
00:14:31Nothing.
00:14:31I have that silence.
00:14:32What?
00:14:34I meant to let you get back to it.
00:14:35You have a big speech or something, don't you?
00:14:37What?
00:14:38Cakes.
00:14:38Karaoke.
00:14:40Mingling.
00:14:41Mycroft.
00:14:41This is what people do, Sherlock.
00:14:43They get married.
00:14:44I warned you.
00:14:44Don't get involved.
00:14:46Involved, I'm not involved.
00:14:47No.
00:14:48John asked me to be his best man.
00:14:49How could I say no?
00:14:50Absolutely.
00:14:50Involved.
00:14:51I believe you.
00:14:52I believe you.
00:14:52Really, I do.
00:14:53Have a lovely day and do give the happy couple my best.
00:14:57I will.
00:14:59By the way, Sherlock.
00:15:00Do you remember Redbeard?
00:15:05I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft.
00:15:07No.
00:15:08Of course you're not.
00:15:09Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock.
00:15:31Ray silence for the best man.
00:15:39ladies and gentlemen
00:15:42family and friends
00:15:44and
00:15:48others
00:16:00also
00:16:06greg molly i just had a thought is that a brain what if john asks sherlock to be his best
00:16:11man
00:16:11well he will earn his best exactly so so he'll have to make a speech in front of people
00:16:17there'll be actual people there actually listening
00:16:22well what's the worst that could happen helen louise probably won't look the same
00:16:26helen louise
00:16:33oh hello dear i was just thinking if john does ask sherlock what the speech dear i know it'll be
00:16:39fine
00:16:39it's not just the speech though is it
00:16:51miss hudson
00:16:52oh my god i was coming to see sherlock and i thought you were possibly dying
00:16:58oh i'm sorry
00:17:01what's wrong
00:17:02the telegrams
00:17:05sorry what
00:17:06oh sorry
00:17:12telegrams
00:17:14right
00:17:18first things first
00:17:20telegrams
00:17:21well they're not actually telegrams we just call them telegrams i don't know why
00:17:23wedding tradition
00:17:25because we don't have enough of that already apparently
00:17:28to mr mrs watson so sorry i'm unable to be with you on your special day
00:17:32good luck and best wishes mike stamford
00:17:35to john and mary all good wishes for your special day with love and many big
00:17:40big squishy cuddles from stella and ted
00:17:44mary lots of love
00:17:48yeah pop it
00:17:50oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from cam
00:17:53wish your family could have seen this
00:17:58special day
00:17:59very special day
00:18:01love
00:18:01love
00:18:02love
00:18:02love
00:18:03love
00:18:03bit of a theme you get the general just people are basically fond
00:18:08john watson
00:18:12my friend john watson
00:18:16john
00:18:17when john first approached the subject of being best man i was confused
00:18:21gallop
00:18:22what was that noise downstairs
00:18:23it was mrs hudson laughing
00:18:25so that she was torturing an owl
00:18:26yeah well it was laughter
00:18:28could have been both
00:18:31is he
00:18:31i just occupy myself sometimes it's so hard not smoking
00:18:36mind if i interrupt
00:18:38that'd be my guest
00:18:42tea
00:18:44so
00:18:46the big question
00:18:49the best man
00:18:51the best man
00:18:52what do you think
00:18:53billy kinkade
00:18:55sorry what
00:18:55billy kinkade the camden garage
00:18:57the best man avenue
00:18:57vast contributions to charity
00:18:58never disclosed
00:18:59personally managed to save three hospitals from closure
00:19:01and run the best and safest children's home
00:19:04yes every now and again there'd be some garrottings
00:19:06but stacking up the lives saved against the garrottings on balance i'd say for my wedding
00:19:10for me i need a best man
00:19:12oh right
00:19:13maybe not a garrotter
00:19:14gavin
00:19:16who
00:19:16gavin lestrade
00:19:18he's a man and good at it
00:19:19it's greg and he's not my best friend
00:19:22oh mike stanford i see
00:19:24oh mike stanford i see
00:19:52well he's nice
00:19:52um
00:19:56you
00:19:59i confess at first i didn't realize he was asking me when finally i understood
00:20:02i expressed to him that i was both flattered and surprised
00:20:09i explained to him that i'd never expected this request and i was a little daunted in the face
00:20:13of it
00:20:13gel
00:20:18i nonetheless promised that i would do my very best to accomplish a task which was for me
00:20:21as demanding and difficult as any i had ever contemplated
00:20:23additionally i thanked him for the trust he placed in me and indicated that i was
00:20:27in some ways very close to being moved by
00:20:35that's getting a bit scary now later transpired that i'd said none of this out loud
00:20:45so in fact
00:20:49you you mean
00:20:50yes
00:20:53i'm your
00:20:55best
00:20:55man
00:20:59of course you are
00:21:04you're my best friend
00:21:13how was that
00:21:16surprisingly okay
00:21:20so you'll have to make a speech of course
00:21:38i'm afraid john i can't congratulate you
00:21:40all emotions and in particular love stand opposed to the pure cold reason i hold above all things
00:21:45a wedding is in my considered opinion nothing short of a celebration of all that is
00:21:49false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world
00:21:54today we honor the death watch beetle that is the doom of our society and in time one feels certain
00:21:59our entire species
00:22:07but anyway let's talk about john
00:22:09please
00:22:10if i burden myself with a little help make during my adventures this is not out of sentiment or caprice
00:22:15it is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he is overlooked in his obsession with me
00:22:19indeed any reputation i have for mental acuity and sharpness comes in truth from the extraordinary contrast john so selflessly
00:22:25provides it is a fact i believe the brides tend to favor exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day there
00:22:30is a certain analogy there i feel and contrast is after all god's own plan to enhance the beauty of
00:22:34his creation or it would be if god were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for
00:22:39the family idiot
00:22:43the point i'm trying to make is that i am the most unpleasant rude ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole
00:22:52that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet
00:22:55i am dismissive of the virtuous unaware of the beautiful and uncomprehending in the face of the happy
00:23:03so if i didn't understand i was being asked to be best man it is because i never expected to
00:23:07be anybody's best friend
00:23:10certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being i have ever had the good
00:23:17fortune of knowing
00:23:19john i am a ridiculous man redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship
00:23:24but as i am apparently your best friend i cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion
00:23:32actually now i can
00:23:35mary when i say you deserve this man it is the highest compliment of which i am capable
00:23:41john you have endured war and injury and tragic loss so sorry again about that last one
00:23:49so know this today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved
00:23:56in short the two people who love you most in all this world
00:24:00and i know i speak for mary as well when i say we will never let you down and we
00:24:03have a lifetime
00:24:04ahead to prove that
00:24:09if i try not him stop me
00:24:11certainly not
00:24:13ah yes now on to some funny stories about john
00:24:19what's wrong what happened why are you all doing that john
00:24:43you could all just cheer up a bit that would
00:24:48be better on we go so for funny stories one has to look no further than john's blog
00:24:55the record of our time together of course he does tend to romanticize things a bit but then you know
00:25:00he's a romantic we've tackled some strange cases the hollow client
00:25:12poison giant
00:25:24we've had some frustrating cases
00:25:31what is that
00:25:33a french decathlete found completely out of his mind surrounded by 1812 matchboxes all empty except
00:25:39this one and what's in that one
00:25:44inexplicable
00:25:48touching cases
00:25:51she's going to ring the doorbell
00:25:54oh no she's changed her mind
00:25:57oh she's gonna do it
00:25:58no she's leaving
00:26:00she's leaving
00:26:01oh she's coming back
00:26:02she's a client she's boring i've seen those symptoms before
00:26:07oscillation on the pavement always means there's a love affair
00:26:10and of course i have to mention the elephant in the room
00:26:17but we want something
00:26:19very particular for this special day don't we
00:26:23the bloody guardsmen
00:26:27need to work on your half of the church mary
00:26:30looking a bit thin
00:26:30oh
00:26:31orphans lot
00:26:32friends that's all i have
00:26:33lots of friends
00:26:34she should be organ music to begin at precisely 11 48
00:26:37but the rehearsal's not for another two weeks just calm down
00:26:39calm i'm calm i'm extremely calm
00:26:40let's get back to the reception come on
00:26:43john's cousin top table
00:26:44hmm
00:26:44hates you can't even better think about you
00:26:47seriously
00:26:47second class post
00:26:48cheap card
00:26:50brought her to petrol station
00:26:51look at the stab
00:26:52three attempts at licking
00:26:52she's obviously unconsciously retaining saliva
00:26:54aww let's take her by the bogs
00:26:56oh yes
00:26:59who else hates me
00:27:02oh great thanks
00:27:03priceless painting nicked
00:27:06looks interesting
00:27:07table four
00:27:07done
00:27:08my husband is three people
00:27:09table five
00:27:10major james sholto
00:27:11who he
00:27:12oh john's old commanding officer i don't think he's coming
00:27:14he'll be there
00:27:15well he needs to rsvp then
00:27:16he'll be there
00:27:17my husband is three people
00:27:19it's interesting
00:27:20says he has three distinct patterns of moles on his skin
00:27:23identical triplets one and half a million births solved it without leaving the flat
00:27:26now
00:27:27serviettes
00:27:28swan of sydney opera house
00:27:29where'd you learn to do that
00:27:30many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation
00:27:32fibbing sherlock
00:27:33i once broke an alibi by demonstrating the exact severity of a fault
00:27:36i'm not john i can tell when you're fibbing
00:27:37okay i learned it on youtube
00:27:38opera house please
00:27:39oh hang on i'm buzzing
00:27:42hello
00:27:44oh
00:27:45hi
00:27:47beth
00:27:47yeah
00:27:47yeah i don't see why not
00:27:50actually if that's beth
00:27:51it's probably for me too
00:27:52hang on
00:27:57he knows we don't have a friend called beth he's gonna figure out that it's code
00:27:59he's youtubing serviette
00:28:00he's thorough
00:28:01he's terrified
00:28:01you know when you're scared of something you start wishing it sooner just to get it all going
00:28:05that's what he's doing
00:28:06why would he be scared that we're getting married
00:28:09it's not gonna change anything we'll still do stuff
00:28:11we need to prove it to him i told you to find him a new case
00:28:13i'm trying
00:28:13you need to run him okay
00:28:14show him it's still the good old days
00:28:24that just sort of happened
00:28:29sherlock
00:28:30um
00:28:31mate
00:28:33i've
00:28:36i've
00:28:37i've smelled
00:28:38eighteen different perfumes
00:28:39i've sampled
00:28:42nine
00:28:42different slices
00:28:43of cake
00:28:44which all tasted identical
00:28:45i like the bridesmaids in purple
00:28:47lilac
00:28:48lilac
00:28:48um
00:28:49there are no more decisions left to make
00:28:51i don't even understand the decisions that we have made
00:28:54i'm faking opinions and it's exhausting so please before she comes back
00:29:00pick something
00:29:02anything pick one
00:29:04pick what
00:29:05a case
00:29:07your inbox is bursting just
00:29:09get me out of here
00:29:10you want to go out on a case
00:29:11now
00:29:12please
00:29:14sherlock for me
00:29:17don't you worry about anything i'll get you out of this
00:29:20oh
00:29:22dear mr hopes
00:29:23my name is bainbridge
00:29:24i'm a private inner majesty's household guard
00:29:27i'm writing to you about a personal matter
00:29:29when i don't care to bring before my superiors it sounds so trivial
00:29:34but i think someone's stalking me
00:29:35i'm used to tourists it's part of the job
00:29:38but this is different
00:29:40someone's watching me
00:29:44he's taking pictures of me
00:29:45every day
00:29:47i want to mention it to the major but it's really preying on my mind
00:29:54uniform fetishist
00:29:55all the nice girls like a soldier
00:29:57it's sailor
00:29:58and bainbridge thinks his stalker is a bloke
00:30:00let's go and investigate
00:30:02please
00:30:03elite guard
00:30:04forty enlisted men and officers
00:30:05this particular grenadier curious
00:30:07now you're talking
00:30:08okay
00:30:09bye
00:30:10ah
00:30:11we're just going to i need um
00:30:12sherlock to help me
00:30:13choose some uh
00:30:15tight
00:30:15socks
00:30:16why don't we go with socks
00:30:17yeah
00:30:17i mean you've got to get the right ones
00:30:19exactly
00:30:19to go with my outfit
00:30:22that'll take a while right
00:30:23my coat in there
00:30:24yes
00:30:27just gonna take him out for a bit
00:30:29run him
00:30:29i know
00:30:30you said you'd find him a case
00:30:31come shallot
00:30:32coming
00:30:40taxi
00:31:05we're here to see private steven baybridge
00:31:06he's on duty right now sir
00:31:08i'll certainly let him know when he's free
00:31:10and when will that be
00:31:11another hour
00:31:13another hour
00:31:26do you think they give him classes
00:31:28classes
00:31:29how to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds
00:31:32afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system
00:31:36who
00:31:36bummage
00:31:37oh
00:31:42so why don't you see him anymore
00:31:45who
00:31:45your previous commander
00:31:47schulter
00:31:48previous commander
00:31:49m and x
00:31:51previous suggests that i currently have a command
00:31:53which you don't
00:31:53which i don't
00:31:54of course you don't
00:31:55he was decorated wasn't he
00:31:57war hero
00:31:58not to everyone
00:32:00he led a team of crows into battle
00:32:02crows
00:32:03new recruits
00:32:04a standard procedure
00:32:05break the new boys in
00:32:06but it went wrong
00:32:08they all died
00:32:09he was the only survivor
00:32:10the press and the families gave him hell
00:32:12he gets more death threats than you
00:32:13i wouldn't count on that
00:32:14why have you suddenly taken an interest in another human being
00:32:19i'm chatting
00:32:24won't be trying that again
00:32:25changing the subject completely
00:32:29you know it won't alter anything
00:32:31right
00:32:31me and mary
00:32:32getting married
00:32:34we'll still be doing all this
00:32:35oh good
00:32:36if you will worry
00:32:37i wasn't worried
00:32:40hmm
00:32:43it's the thing about mary
00:32:45she has completely turned my life around
00:32:49changed everything
00:32:52but for the record
00:32:53over the last few years
00:32:55there are two people who have done that
00:32:56and
00:32:58the other one is
00:33:00a complete dickhead
00:33:36the next one
00:33:39the next one is
00:33:51time to be
00:33:51we foil
00:33:52the next two
00:33:53we are going to be
00:33:55the next one is
00:33:55the next one is
00:34:08It's Bastion.
00:34:27Can I ask what this is in connection with? Private Bainbridge contacted us about a
00:34:31personal matter sir. Nothing's personal when it concerns my troops. What do you
00:34:36really want? I'm here on a legitimate inquiry. Press?
00:34:41You can do some bloody royal story or something? No sir I'm Captain John Watson
00:34:465th Northumberland Fusiliers. Retired. You could be a used car salesman now for all I know.
00:35:08I know you don't I? I've seen you in the papers. Hang around with that detective with one
00:35:19with a silly hat. What the hell does Bainbridge want with a detective? I'm afraid I'm not at
00:35:24liberty to say. You're not at liberty to say? He's a soldier in my regiment. I'll be damned if he's
00:35:28going to get up to cloak and dagger nonsense like this. Sir. Sir. What's going on? It's Bainbridge sir.
00:35:33He's dead.
00:35:42Mark. Go on.
00:35:47Let me take a look sir. I'm a doctor. What?
00:35:50Sergeant. Arrest this man. No. I'm a doctor. You're a doctor now too. Sergeant.
00:35:54Let me examine them please. Sir. Call this one snooping around.
00:35:58Is that what this is all about? Distracting me so that this man could get in here and kill Bainbridge.
00:36:02What? Where's the weapon? What? Where's the weapon? Go on. Search me. No weapon.
00:36:07Bainbridge was on parade. He came off duty five minutes ago. When's this supposed to have happened?
00:36:10You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower. No.
00:36:13No? He's soaking wet and there's still shampoo in his hair. He got into the shower and then
00:36:17someone stabbed him. The cubicle was locked from the inside sir. I had to break it up.
00:36:20Must have climbed over the top. Well then I'd be soaking wet too wouldn't I?
00:36:23Major please. I'm John Watson. Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. Three years in Afghanistan.
00:36:27A veteran of Kandahar, Hellman and Bart's bloody hospital. Let me examine this body.
00:36:38Thank you. Suicide. No. The weapon again. No knife.
00:36:46Well. There is. A wound to the abdomen. Incredibly fine.
00:36:52Man stabbed to death. No murder weapon. Don't look from the inside.
00:36:56Head. Only one way or no out of here.
00:36:58Sherlock. Hmm?
00:37:00You're still breathing. Oh my god.
00:37:02What do we do? Then give me a scarf.
00:37:04Quickly. Now. Call an ambulance.
00:37:06What? Call an ambulance now.
00:37:09Do it. Nurse. Press here. Hard.
00:37:11Nurse? Yeah. I'm making do. Keep pressure on that wound.
00:37:15Stephen. Stephen. Stay with me.
00:37:18Private Bainbridge had just come off guard duty.
00:37:21He'd stood there for hours. Plenty of people watching.
00:37:23Nothing Apparently Wrong. He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead from a wound
00:37:27in his stomach. But there was no weapon.
00:37:30Where did it go?
00:37:31Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this.
00:37:33A murderer who can walk through walls.
00:37:35A weapon that can vanish.
00:37:36But in all of this, there is only one element which could be said to be truly remarkable.
00:37:42Would anyone like to make a guess?
00:37:47Come on, come on. There is actually an element of Q&A to all of this.
00:37:54Scotland Yard. Have you got a theory?
00:37:57Yeah, you. You're a detective, broadly speaking. Got a theory?
00:38:00Uh, um, if the, uh, if the, if the, if the, if the blade was propelled through the, um, grating
00:38:08in the air vent, maybe a, a ballista or a, or a, or a cassapole, um, somebody tiny could,
00:38:13could crawl in there. So yeah, we're looking, we're looking for a, a, a dwarf.
00:38:18Brilliant.
00:38:19Really?
00:38:19No. Next.
00:38:21Stabbed himself.
00:38:22Hello? Who was that? Tom.
00:38:27Got a theory?
00:38:31Attempted suicide with a blade made of compacted blood and bone.
00:38:36Broke after piercing his abdomen, like a meat dagger.
00:38:42A meat dagger?
00:38:43Yes.
00:38:44Sit down.
00:38:46No.
00:38:48There was one feature, and only one feature of interest in the whole of this baffling case,
00:38:53and quite frankly, it was the usual.
00:38:55John Watson.
00:38:56Who, while I was trying to solve a murder, instead saved a life.
00:39:01There are mysteries worth solving and stories worth telling.
00:39:06The best and bravest man I know, and on top of that, he actually knows how to do stuff.
00:39:10Except wedding planning and serviettes. He's rubbish at those.
00:39:13The case itself remains the most ingenious and brilliantly planned murder or attempted murder
00:39:17I've ever had the pleasure to encounter.
00:39:19The most perfect, locked room mystery of which I am aware.
00:39:23However, I'm not just here to praise John, I'm also here to embarrass him.
00:39:25So let's move on to...
00:39:26No, wait, so how was it done?
00:39:27How was what done?
00:39:28The stabbing.
00:39:31I'm afraid I don't know.
00:39:33I didn't solve that one, that's...
00:39:35It can happen sometimes, it's very, very disappointing.
00:39:39Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night.
00:39:41Of course, there's hours of material here, but I've cut it down to the really good bits.
00:39:46Murder scenes.
00:39:49Locations of murders.
00:39:51Mmm, pub crawl, themed.
00:39:52Yeah, but why can't you just do underground stations?
00:39:54It lacks the personal touch.
00:39:56We've got to go for a drink in every street where we...
00:39:57In every street where you've found a corpse.
00:39:59Delightful.
00:40:00Why do I come in?
00:40:01Don't want to get ill.
00:40:02That would ruin it.
00:40:02Spole the mood.
00:40:03You're a graduate chemist.
00:40:04Can't you just work it out?
00:40:05I like the practical experience.
00:40:08Meaning you think I like a drink?
00:40:10Occasionally.
00:40:10That I am a drunk?
00:40:11No, no.
00:40:16You look...
00:40:17well.
00:40:19I am.
00:40:21How's...
00:40:24Tom?
00:40:25Not a sociopath.
00:40:26Still good.
00:40:27And we're having quite a lot of sex.
00:40:31Okay.
00:40:33How would you calculate John's ideal intake and mine?
00:40:35Remain in the sweet spot for the evening.
00:40:37Lightheaded.
00:40:38Good.
00:40:39Urinating in wardrobes.
00:40:40Bad.
00:40:42Two beers, please.
00:40:44Points.
00:40:45443.7 milliliters.
00:40:56Are we on a schedule?
00:40:58You'll thank me.
00:41:13Cheers, cheers.
00:41:21Over there.
00:41:22What?
00:41:23Pilots.
00:41:24Any second now, you're getting...
00:41:25Hang on.
00:41:25Tell me after.
00:41:26I need balloons.
00:41:26Not scheduled.
00:41:28Hey?
00:41:28How's it go?
00:41:34How long?
00:41:36Sorry?
00:41:36Your visit.
00:41:38Estimate approximate volume discharge.
00:41:40Stop talking now.
00:41:45Oh, um, quick.
00:41:47One more.
00:41:48He mustn't see.
00:41:49Oh.
00:41:57Hang on.
00:41:59Cheers.
00:42:03I know Ash.
00:42:04Don't tell me I don't.
00:42:09Oh, oh, oh.
00:42:11Enough.
00:42:12That's...
00:42:12Oh, God.
00:42:14There you go.
00:42:15Here.
00:42:16Ash.
00:42:17I know Ash.
00:42:24I have an international reputation.
00:42:28Do you have an international reputation?
00:42:30No, I don't have an international reputation.
00:42:33No.
00:42:36And I can't even remember what for.
00:42:40It's...
00:42:40Crime.
00:42:42Something like that.
00:42:47Oh, what are you doing back?
00:42:49I thought you were going to be out late.
00:42:51Ah, I does.
00:42:52What time is it?
00:42:54I've only been out two hours.
00:43:06Am I a vegetable?
00:43:08You?
00:43:09Well, the...
00:43:11Buddy.
00:43:14Oh.
00:43:14I'd like another vegetable.
00:43:15Yoga?
00:43:19Uh...
00:43:20Am I human?
00:43:22Sometimes.
00:43:23Kind of sometimes.
00:43:24It has to be, um...
00:43:25Yes, you're human.
00:43:26Yes, I know.
00:43:26Okay.
00:43:26And am I a man?
00:43:28Yep.
00:43:29Tall?
00:43:31Not as tall as people think.
00:43:32Mm.
00:43:33Nice?
00:43:35Ish.
00:43:36Clever?
00:43:36I'd say so.
00:43:38You would.
00:43:39Am I impotence?
00:43:40Just some people.
00:43:42Do people like me?
00:43:45Uh, no, they don't.
00:43:46You tend to rub them up the wrong way.
00:43:49Okay.
00:43:50Am I the current king of England?
00:43:52We...
00:43:54You know we don't have a king.
00:43:56Do we?
00:43:57No.
00:43:58You'll go.
00:44:05I don't mind.
00:44:07Am I a woman?
00:44:11What?
00:44:13Yes.
00:44:14Am I...
00:44:15Pretty?
00:44:18Yes.
00:44:21Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences and role models.
00:44:26Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?
00:44:31I don't know who you are.
00:44:32I don't know who you're supposed to be.
00:44:33You picked the name!
00:44:34I thought I picked it around in front of the papers.
00:44:37You don't really get the hang of this game, are you sure?
00:44:39So I am human.
00:44:40I'm not as tall as people think I am.
00:44:43I'm...
00:44:43I'm nice-ish.
00:44:45Clever.
00:44:46Important to some people.
00:44:47But I tend to rub them up the wrong way.
00:44:51Got it.
00:44:52Fine, I love you, aren't I?
00:44:56Client!
00:44:57Hello.
00:44:58Hello.
00:44:59Oh.
00:45:00Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?
00:45:07I don't...
00:45:08A lot.
00:45:08I mean, I don't...
00:45:10Date all that much.
00:45:13You seem...
00:45:14Nice.
00:45:15You know?
00:45:16You seem to automatically connect.
00:45:19We had one night.
00:45:20Dinner.
00:45:21Such interesting conversation.
00:45:23It was lovely.
00:45:25To be honest, I'd love to have gone further, but I thought, no, this is special.
00:45:33Let's take it slowly.
00:45:35Exchange numbers.
00:45:36He said he'd get in touch, and then...
00:45:42Maybe he wasn't quite as keen as I was, but I...
00:45:48I just thought...
00:45:50At least he'd called to say that we were finished.
00:46:00I went round there...
00:46:02To his flat.
00:46:04No trace of him.
00:46:05Mr. Holmes, I honestly think...
00:46:09I had dinner...
00:46:11With a ghost.
00:46:17With a ghost, Mr. Holmes.
00:46:23With a ghost, Mr. Holmes.
00:46:24With a ghost, Mr. Holmes.
00:46:25Boring.
00:46:25Boring.
00:46:25Boring.
00:46:26Boring.
00:46:26No.
00:46:28Fascinating.
00:46:29John.
00:46:30John.
00:46:31Wake up.
00:46:31Poisonous.
00:46:35Rude.
00:46:35Rude.
00:46:36Rude.
00:46:37I checked with the landlord, and the man who lived there died.
00:46:42Heart attack.
00:46:44And there we are, having dinner.
00:46:47One week on.
00:46:48And I found this thing.
00:46:50Online.
00:46:51A sort of chat room thing.
00:46:53For girls, who think they're dating men from the spirit world.
00:46:57Don't worry.
00:46:59I'll find him in ten minutes.
00:47:00What's your dog's name?
00:47:01Yeah, I'm clear if you want...
00:47:03John, wake up.
00:47:06The game is...
00:47:08Something...
00:47:09On.
00:47:10Yeah, that.
00:47:11That.
00:47:11Okay.
00:47:20Oh, it's nice.
00:47:23Nice place.
00:47:29See anything?
00:47:30Hmm?
00:47:31Any clues, Mr. Holmes?
00:47:33Oh, er...
00:47:54I'm just gonna rip this out.
00:48:08I'm just gonna rip this out.
00:48:10Hmm.
00:48:11You alright?
00:48:12Hmm?
00:48:12Yeah, he's cluing.
00:48:13What?
00:48:14He's...
00:48:14Hmm?
00:48:15He's cluing for looks.
00:48:27Mr. Holmes?
00:48:33Mr. Holmes?
00:48:34I'll call in the police.
00:48:35Oh, no!
00:48:36Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:48:37This is a famous detective.
00:48:39It's Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson.
00:48:41What do you think you're doing?
00:48:43What do you think you're doing?
00:48:43Don't...
00:48:44Compromise...
00:48:45The integrity...
00:48:46Of the...
00:48:52Crime scene!
00:48:59Yep, that.
00:49:20Wakey, wakey!
00:49:21Oh, my God.
00:49:23Craig, is that great?
00:49:24Get out.
00:49:24I'm gonna put you two in a taxi.
00:49:26Manage to square things with a desk sergeant.
00:49:28Ha-ha!
00:49:29What?
00:49:30A couple of light rays.
00:49:31You couldn't even make it a closing time.
00:49:32Can you whisper?
00:49:33Not really!
00:49:37Come on.
00:49:38Come on.
00:49:50Well...
00:49:51Thanks for a...
00:49:53You know...
00:49:54An evening.
00:49:55It was awful.
00:49:56Yeah.
00:49:57I was gonna pretend, but...
00:49:59It was.
00:50:00Truly.
00:50:01That woman, Tessa...
00:50:02What?
00:50:03Dated a ghost.
00:50:04Most interesting case for months.
00:50:05What a wasted opportunity.
00:50:08Okay.
00:50:15How are you feeling?
00:50:16Hmm.
00:50:18It's just like old times, haven't you back here?
00:50:22I thought I'd make your favourite.
00:50:24One last time.
00:50:26Don't sound so final about it.
00:50:28I will be visiting, you know.
00:50:29Ooh, I've heard that one before.
00:50:31No, it's different now, though, isn't it?
00:50:32It's different to when we thought we'd lost it.
00:50:34Well, marriage changes everything, John.
00:50:36Does it?
00:50:37Yeah.
00:50:37You might not think it, but it does.
00:50:39Hmm.
00:50:40It's a different phase in your life.
00:50:41You meet new people, because you're a couple.
00:50:45And then you just...
00:50:46Let your old friend slip away.
00:50:48It won't be like that.
00:50:49Well, if you found the right one, the person that you click with is the best thing in the world.
00:50:54Well, I have.
00:50:54I know I have.
00:50:55Oh, I'm sure.
00:50:57She's lovely.
00:50:58Yeah, I think so.
00:50:59Yeah.
00:50:59What about you?
00:51:00Me?
00:51:01Did you think you'd found the right one when you married Mr Hudson?
00:51:04No.
00:51:05No.
00:51:05It was just a whirlwind thing for us.
00:51:07I knew it wouldn't work, but I just got sort of swept along.
00:51:10Right.
00:51:10And then we moved to Florida.
00:51:12We had a fantastic time, but of course I didn't know what he was up to.
00:51:16Drugs.
00:51:17Drugs?
00:51:17He was running, um...
00:51:19Oh, God.
00:51:20What do you call it?
00:51:21Um...
00:51:22Uh...
00:51:23Cartel.
00:51:24And got in with a really bad crowd.
00:51:26Right.
00:51:27And then I found out about all the other women.
00:51:29I didn't have a clue.
00:51:31So, when he was actually arrested for blowing someone's head off, it was quite a relief,
00:51:37to be honest.
00:51:39Oh.
00:51:41It was purely physical between me and Frank.
00:51:43We couldn't keep our hands off each other.
00:51:46And, um...
00:51:46There was one night...
00:51:48Who's that?
00:51:48Sherlock?
00:51:49Is it?
00:51:52That's Sherlock.
00:52:12There are going to be others.
00:52:13Others?
00:52:14Victims.
00:52:14Women.
00:52:15Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house.
00:52:17This ghost, however, is willing to commute.
00:52:19Look.
00:52:41Not you.
00:52:42Not you.
00:52:43Not you.
00:52:44Not you.
00:52:44Not you.
00:52:44Not you.
00:52:45Not you.
00:52:46Not you.
00:52:47Not you.
00:52:47Not you.
00:52:48Not you.
00:52:48Not you.
00:52:49Not you.
00:52:49Not you.
00:52:51Not you.
00:52:52Not you.
00:52:53Not you.
00:52:53Not you.
00:52:53Not you.
00:52:53not you
00:52:57Not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, you, you, you, or you, or not you,
00:53:00not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:04not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:07not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:10not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:11not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:11not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:11not you, not you, not you, not you,
00:53:23Robin
00:53:27Vicky
00:53:36How did you meet?
00:53:38Came up to me in a pub
00:53:39Same gym as me
00:53:40We just got chatting on the bus
00:53:41Online
00:53:42Name?
00:53:44Told you
00:53:44His name
00:53:45Oscar
00:53:46Mike
00:53:46Terry
00:53:49Love Monkey
00:53:50Your place
00:53:52His place
00:53:54Address
00:53:55Nothing happened
00:54:00It was just
00:54:02Very romantic
00:54:03Four women in four nights
00:54:04He must have something special
00:54:05He was very charming
00:54:06He listened
00:54:07He was sweet
00:54:08He had a lovely
00:54:10You okay?
00:54:12Let your food go cold
00:54:13Mrs Hudson will play hell
00:54:14Not loud, John
00:54:20Sorry about that
00:54:21He had a lovely manner
00:54:23Different names, different addresses
00:54:25Describe him
00:54:26Short blonde hair
00:54:27Dark hair
00:54:28Long ginger
00:54:29I like gingers
00:54:30Couldn't tell
00:54:32He had a mascot
00:54:35He's stealing the identity of corpses
00:54:37Getting the names from the obituary columns
00:54:40Bald single men
00:54:41He's using the dead man's flat
00:54:42Under the assumption it'll be empty for a while
00:54:45Free loveness
00:54:46I feel sick
00:54:47It's gruesome
00:54:48That's awful
00:54:49Clever
00:54:50Bustard
00:54:55Hello, Tessa
00:54:57Meanwhile, back to business
00:54:58No one wants to use a dead man's home
00:55:00At least not until it's been cleared
00:55:03So
00:55:04He disguises himself
00:55:06Steals the man's home
00:55:07Steals his identity
00:55:08But only for one night
00:55:10Then he's gone
00:55:11He's not a ghost, John
00:55:12He's a mayfly
00:55:13He lives for a day
00:55:15So
00:55:16What was it he was looking for?
00:55:19Job
00:55:19Gardner
00:55:20Cook
00:55:21Barbit nurse
00:55:22I do security work
00:55:23Maid
00:55:25Obvious
00:55:26You all work for the same person
00:55:40No, no, not the same employer
00:55:42Come on, we can do this
00:55:44Ideal night out
00:55:45Clay pigeon shooting
00:55:46Lion dancing
00:55:47Pictures
00:55:48Wine in front of the telly
00:55:50Dungeon
00:55:53Makeup
00:55:53Clarins
00:55:54Number seven
00:55:55Maybelline
00:55:56Nothing special
00:55:57Whatever's cheap
00:55:58Perfume
00:55:59Chanel
00:56:00Chanel
00:56:01Chanel
00:56:01Chanel
00:56:02Chanel
00:56:02Estee Lauder
00:56:04Ideal man
00:56:06George Clooney
00:56:07Home loving
00:56:09We'd have to like cuddling
00:56:11Caring
00:56:11Ten things
00:56:13One, someone who isn't competitive with other men
00:56:15Two, someone who isn't constantly trying to define himself by his masculinity
00:56:21It's a unifying factor there has to be
00:56:24None of you reported anything stolen
00:56:28Security guard, Gardner
00:56:29Cook
00:56:29Maid
00:56:30Private nurse
00:56:31He's romancing his way up a pecking order
00:56:33Somebody's pecking order
00:56:34Come on, think
00:56:34Unless
00:56:37Do you have a secret you've never told him?
00:56:39No
00:56:40Got you
00:56:41What do you mean?
00:56:42Everyone has secrets and they all replied too quickly
00:56:44Gotta go
00:56:44See ya
00:56:45No
00:56:46Bye bye
00:56:46Sorry sexy
00:56:47Some secrets have to stay secret
00:56:49Enjoy the wedding
00:56:53Why would he date all of those women and not return their calls?
00:56:56You're missing the obvious, mate
00:56:57Am I?
00:56:59He's a man
00:57:00Why would he change his identity?
00:57:02Maybe he's married?
00:57:06Married
00:57:08Obvious, really
00:57:09Our mayfly man was trying to escape the suffocating chains of domesticity
00:57:12And instead of endless nights in watching the telly
00:57:13Or going to barbecues with the awful, dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand
00:57:16He used his wits, cleverness and powers of disguise to play the field
00:57:20He was
00:57:24One second thought
00:57:24I probably should have told you about the elephant in the room
00:57:27However, it does help to further illustrate how invaluable John is to me
00:57:32I can read a crime scene the way he can understand a human being
00:57:35I used to think that's what made me special
00:57:36Quite frankly, I still do
00:57:37But a word to the wise
00:57:38Should any of you require the services of either of us
00:57:41I will solve your murder
00:57:43But it takes John Watson to save your life
00:57:45Trust me on that
00:57:46I should know he saved mine so many times and in so many ways
00:57:51This blog is the story of two men and their frankly ridiculous adventures
00:57:58Of murder, mystery and mayhem
00:58:02But from now on, there's a new story
00:58:06A bigger adventure
00:58:10Ladies and gentlemen
00:58:11Pray charge your glasses and be upstanding
00:58:15Today begin the adventures of Mary Elizabeth Watson and John Hamish Watson
00:58:21The two reasons why every single one of us is
00:58:41What did you say?
00:58:43You said John Hamish Watson
00:58:48You said that
00:58:49You said Hamish
00:58:50This is a famous detective
00:58:52It's Sherlock Holmes and his partner John Hamish Watson
00:58:55How did you know?
00:58:57How did you know his middle name?
00:59:00He never tells anyone
00:59:01He hates it
00:59:05John H. Watson
00:59:06Yep
00:59:14Henry?
00:59:15Shut up
00:59:17Humphrey
00:59:17Shut up
00:59:21Higgins?
00:59:22Go away
00:59:23Took him years to confide in me
00:59:29That's my birth certificate
00:59:30Yep
00:59:36The woman she knew
00:59:40Hamish
00:59:42John Hamish Watson
00:59:44Just if you were looking for baby names
00:59:46God knows where she is
00:59:53Out of my head
00:59:54I am busy
00:59:56There's only one time that name's been made public
00:59:58Does it have to be on the invitation?
01:00:00It's your name
01:00:02It's traditional
01:00:06It's funny
01:00:07Enjoy the wedding
01:00:12Enjoy the wedding?
01:00:13The wedding?
01:00:14You knew about the wedding
01:00:15More importantly
01:00:16You'd seen a wedding invitation
01:00:18Now barely a hundred people had seen that invitation
01:00:20The Mayfly man only saw five women
01:00:21For one person to be in both groups
01:00:24Could be a coincidence
01:00:25Oh Sherlock
01:00:27What do we say about coincidence?
01:00:29The universe is rarely so lazy
01:00:30Sir
01:00:31The balance of probability is
01:00:32Someone went to great lengths to find out something about this wedding
01:00:35What great lengths?
01:00:35They lied
01:00:36Assumed false identities
01:00:37Which suggests?
01:00:38Criminal intent
01:00:39Also suggests?
01:00:40Intelligence
01:00:41Planning
01:00:41Clearly
01:00:42But more importantly
01:00:44But more importantly
01:00:45The Mayfly man
01:00:47The Mayfly man is here today
01:00:51Sorry
01:00:52I
01:00:54Another glass, sir
01:00:56Thank you, yes
01:00:56Thank you
01:00:57Yes
01:00:57Something is going to happen
01:00:58Right here
01:01:02Now, where were we?
01:01:04Could be any second
01:01:08You have control of the room?
01:01:10Ah, yes
01:01:11Raising glasses are standing up
01:01:12Very good
01:01:13Thank you
01:01:13Don't lose it
01:01:15And down again
01:01:24Ladies and gentlemen
01:01:25People tell you not to milk a good speech
01:01:28Get off early
01:01:29Leave them laughing
01:01:31Wise advice
01:01:32I'll certainly try to bear in mind
01:01:34But for now
01:01:35Part two
01:01:36Part two is more action-based
01:01:39I'm going to walk around
01:01:40Shake things up a bit
01:01:43Who'd go to a wedding?
01:01:44That's the question
01:01:45Who would bother
01:01:46To go to any lengths
01:01:47To get themselves to a wedding?
01:01:51Well, everyone
01:01:52Weddings are great
01:01:53Love a wedding
01:01:54What's he doing?
01:01:54Something's wrong
01:01:56John's great, too
01:01:57Haven't said that enough
01:01:58Barely scratched the surface
01:01:59I could go on all night
01:02:01About the depth
01:02:02And complexity
01:02:03Of his jumpers
01:02:05And he can cook
01:02:06Does
01:02:07Uh
01:02:08Thing
01:02:09Thing with peas
01:02:11Once
01:02:12Might not be peas
01:02:13Might not be him
01:02:13But he's got a great singing voice
01:02:15Or somebody does
01:02:17Too many
01:02:18Too many
01:02:18Too many
01:02:18Too many
01:02:20Sorry
01:02:20Too many jokes about John
01:02:24Criminal intent
01:02:25Where was I?
01:02:26Ah, yes
01:02:27Extraordinary lengths
01:02:28Speech
01:02:29Speech
01:02:30Let's talk about
01:02:31All of which is suggestive
01:02:33Of
01:02:35Murder
01:02:36Sorry
01:02:37Did I say murder?
01:02:37I meant to say
01:02:38Marriage
01:02:39But, you know
01:02:41Quite similar procedures
01:02:42When you think about it
01:02:43The participants
01:02:43Tend to know each other
01:02:44And it's over
01:02:45When one of them's dead
01:02:47In fairness
01:02:47Murder is a lot quicker
01:02:48Though
01:02:48Janine
01:02:49What about this one
01:02:49Acceptably hot?
01:02:50More importantly
01:02:51His girlfriend's wearing
01:02:52Brand new uncomfortable underwear
01:02:53And hasn't bothered
01:02:53To pick this thread
01:02:54Off at the top of his jacket
01:02:55Or point out the grease smudge
01:02:56On the back of his neck
01:02:56Currently he's going home alone
01:02:57Also he's a comics
01:02:58And sci-fi geek
01:02:59They're always tremendously grateful
01:03:00Really put the hours in
01:03:02Jeff, the gents
01:03:03The lose now, please
01:03:04Craig
01:03:10Yeah, actually
01:03:11Now you mention it
01:03:11Sherlock, any chance of
01:03:13An end date
01:03:14For this speech?
01:03:15Gotta cut the cake
01:03:16Oh, ladies and gentlemen
01:03:17Can't stand it
01:03:18When I finally get the chance
01:03:19To speak for once
01:03:20Vatican cameos
01:03:21What did he say?
01:03:22What does that mean?
01:03:23Battle stations
01:03:24Someone's gonna die
01:03:25What?
01:03:27Narrow it down
01:03:28Narrow it down
01:03:31Narrow it down
01:03:32No!
01:03:34No!
01:03:35Not you!
01:03:35Not you!
01:03:38You
01:03:39It's always you
01:03:41John Watson
01:03:42You keep me right
01:03:45What do I do?
01:03:46You've already done it
01:03:47Don't solve the matter
01:03:49Save the life
01:03:51Sorry
01:03:52Off-piste
01:03:52A bit
01:03:53Back now
01:03:53Phew
01:03:54Let's play a game
01:03:55Let's play murder
01:03:58Sherlock
01:03:59Imagine someone's gonna get murdered
01:04:01At a wedding
01:04:02Who exactly would you pick?
01:04:04I think you're a popular choice
01:04:05At the moment, dear
01:04:06Someone could move
01:04:06Mrs Hudson's glass
01:04:07Just slightly out of reach
01:04:08That would be lovely
01:04:09More importantly
01:04:10Who could you only kill
01:04:12At a wedding?
01:04:15Most people can kill
01:04:15Any old place
01:04:16As a mental exercise
01:04:17I've often planned
01:04:18The murder of friends
01:04:19And colleagues
01:04:19Now, John
01:04:20I'd poison
01:04:21Sloppy eater
01:04:22Dead easy
01:04:23I've given him chemicals
01:04:24And compounds
01:04:24That way he's never even noticed
01:04:25He missed a whole Wednesday
01:04:26Once didn't have a clue
01:04:27Bastard
01:04:27So easy to kill
01:04:28It's a miracle
01:04:28No one succumbed to the temptation
01:04:29I've got a pair of keys
01:04:30To my brother's house
01:04:30I could easily break in there
01:04:31And asphyxiate him
01:04:32If the whim arose
01:04:33He's pissed, isn't he?
01:04:34Ow!
01:04:35So, once again
01:04:36Who could you only kill
01:04:38Here?
01:04:39Clearly, it's a rare opportunity
01:04:41So it's someone
01:04:41Who doesn't get out much
01:04:42Someone for whom
01:04:43A planned social encounter
01:04:44Known about months in advance
01:04:45Is an exception
01:04:46Has to be a unique opportunity
01:04:49And since killing someone
01:04:50In public is difficult
01:04:51Killing them in private
01:04:52Isn't an option
01:04:53Someone who lives
01:04:54In an inaccessible
01:04:55Or unknown location
01:04:56Then
01:04:56Someone private perhaps
01:04:58To test with personal security
01:05:02Possibly someone under threat
01:05:07Major James Sholto
01:05:08Who he
01:05:09I don't think he's coming
01:05:09He'll be there
01:05:10Where are you living these days?
01:05:12Oh
01:05:12Way out in the middle of nowhere
01:05:13The press and the families
01:05:15Gave him hell
01:05:15He gets more death threats
01:05:16Than you
01:05:19A recluse
01:05:21Small household staff
01:05:22Job
01:05:23Gardner
01:05:23Private nurse
01:05:24Maid
01:05:24I turn over
01:05:25For additional security
01:05:26I do security work
01:05:27Probably all sign
01:05:28Confidentiality agreements
01:05:29You have a secret
01:05:29You've never told them
01:05:30No
01:05:31There's another question
01:05:32That remains however
01:05:32Rather a big one
01:05:33A huge one
01:05:34How would you do it?
01:05:34How do you kill someone
01:05:35In public?
01:05:36There has to be a way
01:05:36This has been planned
01:05:38Mr. Hines
01:05:38Mr. Hines
01:05:39Oh hello again Archie
01:05:40What's your theory?
01:05:40Get this right
01:05:41And there's a headless
01:05:41Nun in it for you
01:05:42The invisible man could do it
01:05:43The who, the what, the why, the when, the where?
01:05:44The invisible man
01:05:45With the invisible knife
01:05:46The one who tried to kill
01:05:47The guardsman
01:06:12Oh not as planned
01:06:14Planned and rehearsed
01:06:18Ladies and gentlemen
01:06:18There will now be a short interlude
01:06:20The bride and groom
01:06:26Major Stolter's going to be murdered
01:06:27I don't know how or by whom
01:06:28But it's going to happen
01:06:29Excuse me
01:06:30Coming through
01:06:30It's something
01:06:32Stay here
01:06:33Excuse me
01:06:35Coming through
01:06:35Excuse me
01:06:38Sorry
01:06:39I'm sorry
01:06:40Thank you
01:06:42I'm sorry
01:06:43I'm sorry
01:07:05How can you not remember which room
01:07:06You remember everything
01:07:07I have to delete something
01:07:08207
01:07:17Major Solto
01:07:18Major Solto
01:07:19Major Solto
01:07:22If someone's about to make an attempt on my life
01:07:24It won't be the first time
01:07:25I'm ready
01:07:26Major
01:07:27Let us in
01:07:28Kick the door down
01:07:29I really wouldn't
01:07:30I have a gun in my hand
01:07:31And a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes
01:07:33You're not safe in there
01:07:34Whoever's after you
01:07:35We know that a locked room doesn't stop him
01:07:37The invisible man
01:07:38With the invisible knife
01:07:39I don't know how he does it
01:07:39So I can't stop him
01:07:40And that means he'll do it again
01:07:41Solve it then
01:07:42I'm sorry
01:07:44You're the famous Mr. Holmes
01:07:45Solve the case
01:07:46On you go
01:07:47Tell me how he did it
01:07:48And I'll open the door
01:07:49Please
01:07:49This is no time for games
01:07:51Just let us in
01:07:52You're in danger
01:07:52So are you
01:07:53So long as you're here
01:07:54Please
01:07:55Leave me
01:07:57Despite my reputation
01:07:58I really don't approve
01:07:59Of collateral damage
01:08:00Solve it
01:08:01Sorry
01:08:01Solve it
01:08:02And it'll open the door
01:08:03Like you said
01:08:03I didn't solve it before
01:08:04How can I solve it now
01:08:04Because it matters now
01:08:05What are you talking about
01:08:06What's she talking about
01:08:07Get your wife under control
01:08:07She's right
01:08:08Oh you've changed
01:08:09No she is
01:08:10Shut up
01:08:11You are not a puzzle solver
01:08:12You never have been
01:08:13You're a drama queen
01:08:14Now there is a man in there
01:08:15About to die
01:08:15The game is on
01:08:16Solve it
01:08:32Major Solve it
01:08:41Major Solve no one's coming to kill you
01:08:43I'm afraid you've already been killed
01:08:45Several hours ago
01:08:46What did you say
01:08:47Don't take off your belt
01:08:49My belt
01:08:50His belt
01:08:51Yes
01:08:51Bainbridge was stabbed
01:08:52Hours before we even saw him
01:08:53But it was through his belt
01:08:55Tight belt
01:08:55Worn high on the waist
01:08:56Very easy to push
01:08:57A small blade through the fabric
01:08:58And you wouldn't even feel it
01:08:59The belt would bind the flesh together
01:09:01When it was tight
01:09:02Exactly
01:09:02When you took it off
01:09:03Delayed action stabbing
01:09:04All the time in the world
01:09:05To create an alibi
01:09:06Major Solve
01:09:07So
01:09:11I wish to be killed by my uniform
01:09:14How appropriate
01:09:18He solved the case
01:09:19Major
01:09:20You're supposed to open the door now
01:09:21A deal is a deal
01:09:22I'm not even supposed to have this anymore
01:09:24They gave me special dispensation to keep it
01:09:27I couldn't imagine life out of this uniform
01:09:29I suppose given the circumstances
01:09:30I don't have to
01:09:34And so many want you dead
01:09:35It hardly seems good manners to argue
01:09:42Whatever you're doing in there, James
01:09:43Stop it
01:09:44Right now
01:09:45I will kick this door down
01:09:47Mr. Holmes
01:09:47You and I are similar, I think
01:09:49Yes, I think we are
01:09:50There's a proper time to die, isn't there?
01:09:52Of course there is
01:09:53One should embrace it
01:09:54When it comes
01:09:57Like a soldier
01:09:58Of course one should
01:09:58But not at John's wedding
01:10:02We wouldn't do that
01:10:03Would we?
01:10:04You and me
01:10:06We would never do that to John Watson
01:10:13I'm going to break it down
01:10:14Wait, wait, wait
01:10:15You won't have to
01:10:22I believe I am in need of medical attention
01:10:25I believe I am your doctor
01:10:43Pretty good
01:10:43Just hold your nerve on your tongue
01:10:45Why do we have to rehearse?
01:10:47Because we are about to dance together in public
01:10:49And your skills are a point
01:10:52Well, you're a good teacher
01:10:54And you're a brilliant dancer
01:10:56I'll let you know on something, Janine
01:10:57Go on, then
01:10:59I love dancing
01:11:00I've always loved it
01:11:01Seriously?
01:11:02Watch out
01:11:07Oh!
01:11:08Nobody comes up in crime
01:11:09But, you know, I live in hope of the right case
01:11:12I wish you weren't
01:11:15Whatever it is you are
01:11:17I know
01:11:17Well, glad to see you've pulled, Sherlock
01:11:20What with murderers running rise at my wedding
01:11:21One murderer
01:11:22One nearly murderer
01:11:23I don't know if I was to exaggerate
01:11:24You should try living with him
01:11:25Sherlock
01:11:27Got him for you
01:11:28Ah, the photographer
01:11:30Excellent
01:11:30Thank you
01:11:32May I have a look at your camera?
01:11:34Ah, what's this about?
01:11:35It was halfway home
01:11:36We should have driven faster
01:11:39Ah, yes
01:11:40Yes
01:11:40Very good
01:11:42There you see
01:11:44Perfect
01:11:45Wait
01:11:46Are you going to tell us?
01:11:47Try looking yourself
01:11:49Oh, but look for what?
01:11:51Is the murderer in these photographs?
01:11:53It's not what's in the photographs
01:11:54It's what's not in them
01:11:55Not in any of them
01:11:56Sherlock?
01:11:58The showing off thing
01:11:59We've discussed it before
01:12:01There is always a man
01:12:03At a wedding
01:12:04Who is not in any photograph
01:12:05We can go anywhere
01:12:06And even carry an equipment bag around with him if he likes
01:12:09And you never even see his face
01:12:11You only ever see
01:12:20The camera
01:12:21What are you doing?
01:12:22What is this?
01:12:23Jonathan Small
01:12:24Today's substitute wedding photographer
01:12:26Known to us as the Mayfly Man
01:12:28His brother was one of the raw recruits killed in that incursion
01:12:31Johnny sought revenge on Schulte
01:12:34Worked his way through Schulte's staff
01:12:35Found what he needed
01:12:37An invitation to a wedding
01:12:38The one time Schulte would have to be out in public
01:12:41So he made his plan
01:12:43And rehearsed the murder
01:12:46Making sure of every last detail
01:13:01Brilliant
01:13:02Ruthless
01:13:02And almost certainly a monomaniac
01:13:04Though in fairness
01:13:05His photographs are actually quite good
01:13:06Everything he needs on that
01:13:08You probably ought to arrest him
01:13:10Or something
01:13:11Do you always carry handcuffs?
01:13:13I don't know
01:13:13Come on, quick
01:13:15It's not me you should be arresting, Mr. Holmes
01:13:17Oh, I don't do the arresting
01:13:18I just farm that out
01:13:19Schulte
01:13:20He's the killer, not me
01:13:22I should have killed him quicker
01:13:26I shouldn't have tried to be clever
01:13:28You should have driven faster
01:13:39Right
01:14:16But I don't do the arresting
01:14:19You should have known
01:14:23Oh, really?
01:14:55Before the event begins properly, apologies for earlier, a crisis arose and was dealt with.
01:15:01More importantly, however, today we saw two people make vows.
01:15:04I've never made a vow in my life, and after tonight I never will again.
01:15:07So, here in front of you all, my first and last vow.
01:15:12Mary and John, whatever it takes, whatever happens, from now on I swear I will always
01:15:19be there.
01:15:20Always.
01:15:22For all three of you.
01:15:24I'm sorry, I mean two of you.
01:15:25All two of you.
01:15:26Both of you, in fact.
01:15:26I've just miscounted.
01:15:27Anyway, it's time for dancing.
01:15:29Play the music again, please.
01:15:31Okay, everybody, just dance.
01:15:32Don't be shy.
01:15:33Dancing, please.
01:15:34Very good.
01:15:35Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting.
01:15:37Deduction.
01:15:38Increased appetite.
01:15:39Stop.
01:15:40Change of taste perception.
01:15:41Oh, I chose this wine.
01:15:42It was bloody awful.
01:15:43You were sick this morning.
01:15:44You assumed it was just wedding notes.
01:15:46You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you?
01:15:47All the signs are there.
01:15:49The signs?
01:15:51The signs are three.
01:15:53Huh?
01:15:54Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test.
01:15:57Well, the statistics for the first trimester are...
01:16:00Shut up.
01:16:02Just shut up.
01:16:03Sorry.
01:16:05How did he notice before me I'm a bloody doctor?
01:16:07The day off.
01:16:08It's your day off.
01:16:09Stop.
01:16:09Stop panicking.
01:16:09I'm not panicking.
01:16:10I'm pregnant.
01:16:10I'm panicking.
01:16:11Don't panic.
01:16:12None of you panic.
01:16:14Absolutely no reason to panic.
01:16:16Oh, and you'd know, of course.
01:16:17Yes, I would.
01:16:18You're already the best parents in the world.
01:16:19Look at all the practice you've had.
01:16:21What practice?
01:16:21Well, you're hardly going to need me around now that you've got a real baby on the way.
01:16:24Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:16:31Oh well, you're already?
01:16:40Dance.
01:16:41Hmm?
01:16:41Both of you now go dance. We can't just stand here. People wonder what we're talking about.
01:16:45Right.
01:16:46What about you?
01:16:47We can't all three dance. There are limits.
01:16:48Yes, there are.
01:16:50Come on, husband. Let's go.
01:16:52This isn't a waltz, is it?
01:16:53No.
01:16:54Don't worry, Mary. I have been shooting.
01:16:55You did, you know.
01:16:56Baker Street behind closed curtains.
01:16:57Mrs. Hudson came in one time.
01:16:58I don't know how those rumors started.
01:17:00Come on.
01:17:25Oh, I've got a funny feeling when she falls.
01:17:32Oh, I've got a funny feeling when she falls.
01:17:34Yeah, I've got a funny feeling when she falls.
01:17:42I wonder why did it take so long to see the light?
01:17:49It seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right.
01:17:53What a lady was I.
01:17:56What a lady was thinking when she was a worker.
01:18:26You