- 12 hours ago
The boys' constant fighting has Granddad in need of a vacation to get away from it all, so Huey takes control of the house.
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FunTranscript
00:02I am the stone that the builder refused, I am the visual, the inspiration that made ladies sing the blues,
00:07I'm the spark that makes your idea bright, the same spark that lights the dark so that you can know
00:11your left from your right, I am the ballad in your box, the bullet, in the gun, the inner glow
00:15that let you know to call your brother son, the story that just begun, the promise of what's to come,
00:20and I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won, won.
00:34The sectarian conflict between myself and my brother Riley is heading into the eighth year with no signs of Sloan.
00:51The clunky smoke come back, what are you doing, believe, and fuck up my house!
01:01I- I'm tired of your two crumbs Снadoos, all you doing, fight , eat, and fuck up my house
01:09!
01:09You think I want to deal with this shit at the end of my life?
01:11You know what I'm going to do?
01:12I'm going to fill the bathtub with water.
01:14And I'm going to drown both your little asses.
01:15Now move the hell out of my way.
01:17I still got soap in my ass.
01:20I'm telling you, Tom, they drive women away.
01:22I used to have an exciting life.
01:23Have fun.
01:24Travel.
01:25Oh, fine wines.
01:27But not anymore.
01:27I can't even go to dinner.
01:29I can't even go to a damn movie.
01:30I come back, my house looks like Baghdad.
01:33I told you before you ought to drive them out to the middle of nowhere.
01:36Leave them for dead and just hope for the very worst.
01:38Sounds to me like you need a vacation.
01:40Shit, who you telling?
01:41I need to get my black ass away someplace far away and exotic.
01:45Absolutely.
01:46Splurge.
01:46It's like the rappers say, do it big.
01:49Do it big, huh?
01:50I like that.
01:51I could go on a do it big trip.
01:52Yeah, now you're talking.
01:54Yeah.
01:55Yeah.
01:56It might be time to bring Mr. Bitches back out
01:58to show them young boys how the real players play.
02:02Yeah, look out.
02:03Mr. Bitches is back on the scene.
02:06High five me.
02:07No?
02:08Okay.
02:09Yeah, you know what?
02:09You should go to Latin America.
02:11You know, someplace like Costa Rica.
02:14Oh, I can see it now.
02:15Mr. Bitches hit me clubs all night.
02:17Hello.
02:18Get a table in VIP.
02:20Pop a little cristal.
02:21Call the girl.
02:22Hey, baby.
02:22B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.
02:23Wait a minute, Robert.
02:25I don't think you're supposed to drink cristal.
02:27Says who?
02:27Says Jay-Z.
02:28It's a boycott.
02:29The owner said something racial.
02:31I don't know.
02:31Oh, hold on.
02:32I know what he said.
02:33He said, and I quote,
02:34I don't want no big nigga lips drinking my fine wine.
02:38And I applaud him for putting conviction over profit.
02:41Well, I don't know if that's what he said, but you're not supposed to drink it.
02:44But I want to drink cristal.
02:46Oh, white man.
02:47He can't have nothing nice for himself no more.
02:50Polo?
02:50Niggas got to that.
02:51Timbaland?
02:52Niggas got to that, too.
02:53Mercedes?
02:54Versace?
02:55White women?
02:55Niggas, niggas, niggas.
02:57Hey, Robert.
02:57If you want beef with the rock, that's on you.
03:00You just better hope the Jigga Man ain't there.
03:01Like I give a damn.
03:02Shoot, I drink what I want to drink.
03:04Besides, I packs the heat.
03:05I wish a nigga would try to tell me what to drink.
03:08Once you pop the cristal, that's when all the pretty senoritas come running
03:11because they know there's a rich American in the building.
03:13Yeah!
03:13I bet our dollar is probably worth plenty of them.
03:16Shoot, all you got to do is flash a little chain.
03:19Bowling!
03:19And then, oh, yeah.
03:22Yeah, you know what?
03:23I think I might join you.
03:27Damn, Tom.
03:28Are you sure you want to come?
03:29I mean, you're married.
03:30Are you even allowed to do it, babe?
03:32Oh, listen to this.
03:33Am I allowed?
03:34Sure!
03:35As long as I stay within the agreed parameters.
03:38Hey, I'm not dead, you know.
03:40I still do the darn thing from time to time.
03:42You and me, baby.
03:44Doing it big.
03:45It'll be great!
03:46Yeah, I guess so.
03:49Pictures?
03:50Yes!
03:51I'll take a dozen.
03:52Eight by ten.
03:53Yes, JC.
03:54Yes.
03:54Cousin of mine.
03:56First cousin.
03:57More cristal.
03:57You are so exotic and beautiful.
04:00Black sex, you a chocolate man.
04:03Waiter!
04:04Another Malibu and pineapple, please!
04:06Thank you!
04:08So then my dream got really weird,
04:10because I was a mummy in a Japanese girl pop band.
04:13I had a skirt on and everything.
04:14Do you know what that means?
04:16Huh?
04:16I am so bored.
04:18I want to go home.
04:18Well, we wanted to have a nasty threesome with Mr. Beaches.
04:22But if you guys want to leave...
04:23Huh?
04:24No!
04:24No!
04:25Please, wait!
04:26No!
04:26Wait a minute!
04:26I can't pass, but I don't...
04:27Huh?
04:38Told you so!
04:42So what do you say?
04:43Should I call my travel agent or what, huh?
04:45Uh, yeah.
04:46Let me, uh, check my schedule.
04:49In the past, granddad has had complications with babysitters.
04:54Oh my God!
04:55What should we do today?
04:55Board games?
04:56Hulu hooping?
04:56Hot wheels?
04:57Oh, I know.
04:57Maybe we should make s'mores.
04:58Tell ghost stories?
04:59Play hide and go seek?
04:59Can we play cops and robbers?
05:01I wouldn't.
05:02Cops and robbers?
05:03Sounds like fun.
05:06Bitch, this all you got?
05:07Three dollars and a prepaid cell phone
05:09with fucking two minutes, don't he?
05:12That landed us on don'tsitem.com.
05:14No teenager in the world would babysit us now.
05:17Granddad was forced to hire one of those
05:19no-nonsense British super nannies.
05:25Which actually worked out.
05:27Except...
05:28Granddad set up a nanny can.
05:29And this is when you use my damn telephone for five minutes.
05:32Who the hell you got to talk to for five minutes?
05:33And this is when you let the lights on in the kitchen.
05:34I don't see anybody in the kitchen, do you?
05:36Huh?
05:36Sitting up here watching television,
05:38all the lights on,
05:39using up all of my electricity,
05:41eating a sandwich.
05:41You know I like a sandwich myself.
05:43All my baloney is gone.
05:44What's wrong with you, woman?
05:46After that,
05:47Granddad had to be more creative.
05:49Excuse me,
05:49my name is Positive Brother Hakeem
05:51from Positive Big Black Brothers and Sisters of America.
05:54And I understand you have two misguided young brothers
05:56who need some positivity.
05:58Yep, bedtime's at nine.
06:00Have fun.
06:00Local calls only on my phone.
06:19Costa Rica for two weeks?
06:21How are we supposed to survive for two weeks?
06:23Man, what are we going to eat?
06:24Oh, man, you're worried about how you're going to make it without your granddaddy.
06:28Well, maybe y'all should have thought about that when y'all were fucking up.
06:30It's too late now.
06:31I may never come back.
06:33Shoot, it's Tom.
06:35Y'all can't tell him I left.
06:35Why not?
06:36He's going to go there and do a big trip, too.
06:38But I can't roll with a square like Tom.
06:39So I'm going to go and pretend I didn't go
06:41and never talk about it
06:41and take that life with me to the grave.
06:43So don't tell him.
06:43If the air, say I went to the store.
06:45You went to the store for two weeks.
06:46Yes, and don't you go snitching either.
06:48Well, it's harder to talk if my mouth is full.
06:50All right, fine.
06:52I left food money in the cabinet above the oven,
06:54but that's all you're going to get, so you better make it last.
06:55Hey there, Robert.
06:56I'd offer to help you with your bag, but you're a coon.
06:59What's he doing here?
07:00He's your babysitter.
07:00Come on, granddad.
07:01Me and Riley don't need no babysitter.
07:03We can take care of ourselves.
07:04Yeah, it's not like we're going to try to kill each other.
07:06Shut up.
07:07Do what Rucker says and don't mess up my house.
07:09Come on.
07:10Me and this punk fool right here.
07:12Okay, first of all,
07:13ain't nobody talking while I'm talking,
07:15so shut the fuck up.
07:16My name is Uncle Rucker,
07:18and I will be nigger-sitting you two until your grandfather returns.
07:22Your granddaddy picked me because I am a licensed zoologist.
07:26I have studied a variety of wild animals,
07:28and the African male is by far the most savagely cunning.
07:32This is an opportunity to observe you niggers in your natural habitat
07:36and collect data.
07:37But be warned,
07:38whatever nigger trickery you got up your sleeves
07:41does not affect me.
07:43Please do not look Muslim at the airport.
07:49Hijacking is against the law.
07:51Damn, I hate airports.
07:52This is all for show.
07:55Shoot,
07:56I bet you I can sneak a midget on the plane
07:57with a stick of dynamite up his ass.
07:59Not saying bomb at the airport.
08:00Yo, hurry up.
08:01I'm trying to do it big.
08:02Damn.
08:04Board and pass an ID.
08:06Due to a heightened level of security,
08:08no colored liquid or people are allowed to board a plane.
08:17Please do not bring AK-47s onto the plane.
08:21Board and pass an ID.
08:23I've already showed it to her.
08:24Sir, I need to see your boarding pass an ID.
08:27But I just showed it to her.
08:28I need to see it as well, sir.
08:30But I just showed it to her,
08:31then I walked straight to you.
08:32That's all I did.
08:33Sir, I don't have time for this.
08:34It's about time for my break,
08:35and you are stepping in on my time.
08:37You don't have time.
08:38Shit, I'm the one with a plane to catch.
08:39I don't want to show my ID again.
08:40The only thing I did was put my boarding pass an ID away,
08:43which is why I don't want to get it out again.
08:45Doesn't that make sense?
08:47I didn't become a different person in the last five feet.
08:51Mm-hmm. We got a problem here.
08:53Requesting backup?
08:54Okay, okay, fine.
08:55Damn!
09:01I hate damn airports!
09:06Board and pass an ID.
09:09The first time you break the rules,
09:11you get the cattle prod.
09:12The second, you get the electric dog collar.
09:15The third time, I'm calling up the lynching mob.
09:21Yeah, yeah, yeah, play it, play it.
09:23I get the clubs, get the little pretty girls,
09:26let them all kiss all over me, and just a bit.
09:47What the?
09:50Ow!
09:51Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
09:53My ball's back! My ball's back!
09:54Ow! Somebody help!
09:56Ow! Ow! Somebody help! Ow! Ow!
09:58Somebody! Anybody!
10:00Save me from these African hooligans!
10:03Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, Lord!
10:05Oh, please, Amy.
10:06Oh, Lord.
10:07Oh, oh!
10:07Ah!
10:09Oh, Lord!
10:10Why hast thou forsaken me?
10:12Yeah!
10:13Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
10:21Haters say huh? Haters say what?
10:24Cause if you hate on me you get started.
10:25This place is nasty. Clean it up.
10:26You ain't the boss of me, nigga.
10:28Ayy, while Granddad's gone, I'm in charge.
10:30Why do you get to be in charge? Why can't we take turns?
10:32Cause I'm the older.
10:33Yeah, well, you also the gayest.
10:35So I think I should be in charge.
10:37Man, clean it up now.
10:38Clean it up, bitch.
10:42Hey there, Huey. Is your grandfather in?
10:43I need to talk to him. We're planning a trip.
10:45He had to run out and get some things, Mr. Dubois.
10:47Did he say when he was gonna be back?
10:48Try and sell, Mr. Dubois.
10:50Oh, okay.
10:56Well, it's just that, well, his, um...
10:58his car is right there and, um...
11:01It won't start. He took a cab, Mr. Dubois.
11:04Oh. Okay.
11:08Riley! Riley, I'm going to the store.
11:10Figure out what you want to eat.
11:13The money.
11:17What up?
11:20What the?
11:21Now, before you start hating, ask yourself.
11:24Be honest. Ain't I'm clean? No.
11:26Man, how we gonna eat?
11:27I don't know, nigga. You in charge?
11:29Hey! Raise up off my gear!
11:38I'm saying you ain't had to ruin my shirt like that.
11:41I can't even pop my collar no more.
11:44I gotta figure out what we're gonna eat.
11:46Can't you just be happy to see another nigga fit it up?
11:48Looking dipped in butter and shining and glistening.
11:51We're gonna run out of food in a few days, Riley.
11:53You supposed to be in charge.
11:54You supposed to be the leader.
11:55Lead us to some breakfast then, nigga.
11:57Nigga.
11:58What? What you want some, nigga? Huh?
12:00All right, come on, nigga. Let's go.
12:02I've been waiting.
12:02No, I'm not gonna fight you.
12:04I'm grounding you. Ground me?
12:05What is this? Family ties?
12:07Nigga, you can't ground me.
12:08I just did.
12:09Don't leave the house.
12:13This nigga must have lost it.
12:15I wanna know what this nigga been smoking.
12:17Shoot. Talkin' about I'm grounded.
12:19I'm young Reezy.
12:20I goes where I wanna go.
12:26You're grounded.
12:28You better have eyes in the back of your head, nigga.
12:38Huey, where are my guns?
12:39I confiscated them for security reasons.
12:41I have supreme authority over the house until Granddad comes back.
12:43You have supreme authority over these nuts, nigga.
12:45I'm leaving.
12:46You wanna stop me, you gonna have to shoot me.
12:48Ow! Ow! Ow!
12:51Chris Dahlkos, how much? Oh, no, no.
12:53You got me Thunderbirds?
12:54I take Thunderbirds.
12:55Oh, excuse you, little lady.
12:58That's a nice suit you just...
12:59Put a nice personal space at...
13:03Hey there, Huey.
13:03Just me again.
13:05Is, um, your granddad around?
13:07He's still at the store, Mr. Dubois.
13:09Still?
13:11Uh-huh.
13:12Oh, really?
13:13Okay.
13:14I guess I'll just, um...
13:17Yeah.
13:19Man, that'd be the best time ever!
13:23Look at all the Spanish women!
13:26Riley made several more attempts to leave the house.
13:30Okay.
13:31Alright, here we go.
13:34Wait, move up!
13:35Hey, hey, hey!
13:36Quit playing, nigga!
13:37Huey! Huey!
13:37Quit playing!
13:38Huey!
13:43Eventually, he had to be forcibly restrained.
13:50Hey!
13:59I had no idea how we were gonna last until granddad came home.
14:02Assuming he ever came back at all.
14:05He's probably having the time of his life.
14:08Go back!
14:09No!
14:10No!
14:10Don't take the time off!
14:13Come on!
14:15We ran out of food and drinks.
14:18I was forced to start rationing what little we had left.
14:21More and more, I started to hate Riley for driving granddad away.
14:26Get outta here!
14:27Go next door, Spike!
14:29Come on in!
14:30Oh, it's great!
14:31The more, the more, the better!
14:32He was always watching.
14:34Always waiting for me to make a mistake.
14:36I rarely slept.
14:38He ran out!
14:40More windows!
14:42Ahh!
14:58I
14:59Soon forgot which one of us was the prisoner
15:19Hello, hey boy, hey granddad. Oh, how's the trip? You ready to come home?
15:24Are you kidding? I'm having a great time
15:26Hey, little girl stop tickling me talking to my grandson doing it big. So how's the house? Great. We're fine.
15:33No problem
15:33Okay, guess there's no need of me rushing home early anything, huh? Which is great for me cuz I'm doing
15:39it big
15:39So what's new? Would you manage this be? Hey, uh granddad I gotta go
15:43Wait, what's bad is the best?
15:51All right, now you go in the closet. Hey, hey man, let me out of here. Hey, I'm closet phobic
16:09I know where he is. I'm not stupid. He went on to do it big trip without me, didn't he?
16:13He's off having the time of his life granddad is running errands. Mr. Dubois barring an unforeseen catastrophe
16:19He'll be home soon. He better cuz I'm angry
16:23You ready to come out
16:40Oh
16:41Say hello to the back guy
16:43He he he he he he he he
16:45Damn you Riley, you ruin our family. You drove granddad away. Now he's never coming back
16:50Granddad left cuz of you. Nobody likes you, Huey, cuz you a gay ass, hater, faggy boy
16:56He he he he
17:10Ok, I've beenない
17:15How do you like that phoom?
17:18He he he he
17:32Why does it always have to end up like this?
17:35Because you's a bitch.
17:39Don't do it.
17:55Oh, thank you, Jesus.
17:58Robert!
18:00Why?
18:01What did I do?
18:02I'm fun!
18:03Why does everyone think I'm not fun?
18:05Why am I always the one getting ditched?
18:08I don't know why I'm not cool.
18:11Tom, you think I went all the way to Costa Rica and back in two days?
18:14Then, where were you?
18:16None of your damn business.
18:17We'll do the do-it-big trip some other time.
18:19Oh, okay.
18:21Cool.
18:23Oh, by the way, Robert, I left some joke voicemails that you can just go ahead and then delete.
18:36Boys!
18:39Granddad!
18:40Granddad!
18:41Hey!
18:42Give me a hug!
18:43Came home.
18:44You're home early.
18:45Because I figured y'all would destroy my house.
18:47Hmm.
18:50Doesn't look too bad.
18:53How was Costa Rica?
18:55Did you do a big?
18:57Shoot.
18:58You betcha.
18:59Mr. Bitches is back in effect.
19:02You should have seen it.
19:05They couldn't handle it.
19:07It sure is good to be home, though.
19:12Let's clean this up.
19:13Aye.
19:15You reached Robert.
19:16Please enter your password.
19:17You have 22 unheard messages.
19:20First message.
19:21Robert, them little niggas are evil.
19:22It was terrible.
19:23Oh, all of the things that they done.
19:25Deleted.
19:26Hey, Robert.
19:27This is Tom.
19:28Found out some great stuff about Costa Rica.
19:32Call me back.
19:33Deleted.
19:34Robert, it's big time.
19:36Holla back.
19:38Deleted.
19:39Hey, Robert.
19:40Deleted.
19:41What the hell, Robert?
19:42Did you go without me?
19:43You went without me, didn't you?
19:44I know you went.
19:45You did not go without me.
19:46Deleted.
19:47That's real nice, Robert.
19:48That's real fucking...
19:49Deleted.
19:50I know you did.
19:58I know you did.
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