- 12 hours ago
In spite of Riley's objections, Granddad retells the story of the boys' great-great-great-great granddad.
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00:03In a world of unspeakable brutality
00:10Freedom had a name
00:12And that name was Freeman
00:15Catcher Freeman
00:17This is the true story
00:20Of the man who missed everything for justice
00:28And love
00:31Savior, soldier, killer
00:35Hero
00:37And he was your great, great, great
00:40Great Granddaddy
00:42The story of Catcher Freeman
00:45Come on, Granddad
00:46I may not know nothing about history, but I ain't stupid
00:49None of that story is true
00:51It is true! Catcher Freeman was a hero
00:53And don't you ever forget it! Excuse me!
00:59I am the stone that the builder refused
01:01I am the visual, the inspiration
01:03That made ladies sing the blues
01:04I'm the spark that makes your idea bright
01:06The same spark that lights the dark
01:07So that you can know your left from your right
01:09I am the ballad in your box
01:10The bullet in the gun
01:12The inner glow that let you know
01:13To call your brother's son
01:14The story that just begun
01:15The promise of what's to come
01:17And I'ma remain a soldier
01:18Till the war is won
01:36And I'ma remain a soldier
01:37And I'ma remain a soldier
01:39And I'ma remain a soldier
01:39And I'ma remain a soldier
01:40And I'ma remain a soldier
01:40And I'ma remain a soldier
01:40And I'ma remain a soldier
01:41And I'ma remain a soldier
01:41And I'ma remain a soldier
01:47And I'ma remain a soldier
01:49slavery thing what nigga you know gonna work all day in a high field for no
01:53paper see that's your problem you be believing anything somebody tells you
01:57or put in a book see I keep my mental mind extra secure nothing gets in where
02:03you going don't you want to hear the rest of the catcher Freeman story no I
02:06don't want to hear no more your made-up story I told you catcher Freeman was
02:09real that's your great great great great great great granddaddy what about when
02:13you told us your cousin integrated baseball at school they said Jackie
02:16Robinson integrated baseball there's your fourth cousin on my uncle's side Jackie
02:20Robinson Freeman the freedom assignment now hutch up and pay attention catcher
02:23Freeman was the greatest black man who ever lived he was Malcolm X Nat Turner and
02:27Barack Obama all rolled into one okay I'm gonna start this beautiful story from
02:31the home me from the beginning it was the plantation of Confederate Colonel George
02:37Lynch water better known as Massacre only made him up shut your ass the slaves were
02:41out in the field singing songs of freedom guys what are you doing you know
02:46you're not allowed to sing that song stop guys I'm serious Mass is on his way
02:51Tobias didn't I tell you to tell these niggers to stop singing that damn song
02:55stop singing oh no Tobias told us Massa Connor likes that song that's a lie oh no
03:01Massa we feel niggas is too dumb to lie but you know Tobias is the lot of shades and
03:06he got that sharp sense of humor oh no no no that's a girl you're out here telling
03:10jokes Tobias
03:12oh my god please I knows you mad but don't tell you I don't pull Tobias if you
03:16beat him it's like you beat all of us but with considerably less effort on your part
03:21oh so the only nigga I gotta beat today is Tobias huh please don't like to see that
03:26that makes us work harder shit fire and save matches maybe I'll get to bed early tonight
03:31please hit him and make all of us scared and make us all just want to stay here we won't
03:36do nothing if you keep hitting him cause it's an example of what not to do well since you
03:40love these field niggas so much you can stay out here and work with them for a few days
03:44and if I hear that song again I'm cutting both your balls off
03:50you guys are real fucking assholes you know that come on man look on the bright side you
03:54get to hang out here in the field with the real niggas ain't you sick of the white
03:58man you know what I'm sick of you two blaming the white man for everything the white man
04:02this the white man that you'll never get anywhere with that attitude man fuck that white nigga
04:06that's your mess I don't know that nigga all I'm saying is you stop being a victim you might
04:10be able to better your life on your own you ain't said nothing I'm gonna do that I better
04:13believe it as soon as Captain Freeman rides through here with brigade and cuss that cracker's
04:17head clean off I'm out of here you ain't never seen no nigga be gone like I'm gonna be gone
04:21tell you something you ain't seen no nigga ride out like me and I'm gonna join the gang I got
04:25a letter saying I could join catch a Freeman brigade and ride out with that nigga damn you
04:30get mail nigga that's your plan catch a Freeman huh why not just wait for Santa Claus to take
04:36you away on his sled you don't believe in catch a Freeman of course I don't I don't believe in
04:42the Easter Bunny either telling you man catch a Freeman is real he go around from plantation to
04:46plantation freeing all the slaves and shit he like 14 feet tall got trapezius muscles and
04:52biceps crazy he ain't just no normal nigga he's super nigga he like a black ass Batman if you will
04:57he could fly underwater wait how they know who Batman is stop interrupting ha that's ridiculous I don't
05:04even know who Batman is and what's your plan house nigga I bet you don't even want to escape all
05:08on
05:09massive nut oh I'm gonna escape all right I'm gonna escape with this okay with my mind I've got this
05:15it's a play but for the screen what's great nigga we in the 1800s I thought of a new way
05:22to display
05:23moving pictures on a screen of course it's all abstract since I don't have any actual film or
05:26cameras or anything but I'm gonna show Massacre to my screenplay and when he reads it he's gonna
05:31notice could be a huge production nigga you trying to get off the plantation by selling the script
05:43yeah we're gonna get married have kids and live in master's house oh I may think about your way
05:53there was a great great great great great great great mother now Tobias was met in love with young
06:00Thelma but Thelma didn't want his old Uncle Tom ass besides she was about to meet the catcher for
06:05the first time young Thelma yearned for her freedom so one night she decided to make a run for it
06:11oh but
06:12that poor little sweet girl didn't get far we ain't go nowhere we ain't gonna hurt you too much I
06:17might hurt you
06:18I might hurt you yeah look at me the tree it's a bird no it's catcher Freeman come on
06:26watch it walk behind you catcher there you go hold up hold up this nigga jumping out of trees
06:32catcher Freeman was a master swordsman how this nigga learn all that ninja stuff they ain't even
06:37have karate flicks back then hush boy it was love at first sight he was tall he was handsome his
06:42trapezius muscles rippled through his shirt I granddad dang you're making me uncomfortable
06:47catcher Freeman was a sexy man and old Thelma was smitten hey hi I'm Thelma my name's catcher
06:54catcher Freeman you're catcher Freeman the catcher Freeman you've heard of me of course I've heard
07:01of you who has not heard of catcher Freeman where are you escaping from Colonel Lynchwaters I've been
07:06there for a while and I kind of feel like I got everything I can get out of that organization
07:10I can read and ride so hopefully that'll look good on my resume my brigade is nearby we're ready to
07:16kill Colonel Lynchwater and free all your friends and kinfolk but we'll need your help great that's a
07:22relief because all my friends about to be talking bad about me like Thelma in chains since she been
07:26free she forgot where she came from she'll never come around you know ah catcher was smitten too that
07:33night Thelma told the other slaves about the plan to escape with catcher let me get this straight
07:36so the plan is catcher gonna come through here with brigade cut that cracker's head clean off and
07:41then we gonna be free oh wait a minute now now I know we've all had our problems with master
07:48but
07:48uh this is murder oh okay the night before the reboot Thelma snuck away to see catcher one last time
07:57here take this you'll know what to do with it when the time comes why do you still wear shackles
08:04so I'll
08:05never forget those who are still in bondage even though you'll be free soon you must continue to
08:10be a soldier until the war is won but oh Tobias was hating with his punk ass boy wake up
08:23oh is it over so
08:25Tobias betrayed them because he was jealous yes but his betrayal cannot stop catcher man I already know
08:56the nigga gonna win at the end just wrap it up all right all right it's over catcher
09:01drop it drop it or she's dead I'm getting out of here kill him catcher do it
09:18oh the nigga blocked the bully with his handcuffs you're messing up the ending this is the best part
09:23you'll never see this coming
09:40and they live happily ever after oh that movie shut up I want my money back man that ending was
09:49hella
09:49cliche granddad that's exactly how it happened prove it how am I going to prove it catcher
09:53freeman lived 150 years ago did I hear somebody say something about catcher freeman the catcher
09:57freeman see even ruckus know about catcher freeman cause I know about catcher freeman greatest black
10:02man who ever lived did he really run around the woods like a superhero killing white people
10:06hell no catcher freeman ain't never do no shit like that must have been some kind of asshole told
10:11you that story boy hey now sit your black asses back and let old locker rocket tell you the real
10:16story of
10:21catcher freeman first of all the name wasn't even catcher freeman it was catch up freeman and he
10:27sure wasn't freeing niggas he was catching them I told you you was lying that's not true sure it is
10:32sure it is see back in slavery when the war made sense the white man had a problem niggas couldn't
10:38appreciate shit so they kept running away now in his strategic brilliance Mr. Charlie decided who better
10:44to catch a nigga than a nigga so they took a field slave named catcher freeman and turned him into
10:49the greatest slave hunter who ever lived catcher freeman retrieved over 700 pieces of human property to
10:56their respective owners doing slavery damn it ruckus you're gonna stop this right now dang granddad I'm
11:01trying to hear the story oh look at that look at that oh love you see that nigga flip from
11:05tree to tree
11:06like on some old tarzan shit wait wait wait bring that back I gotta see that key I'll be happy
11:11oh my god this is crazy nobody really knows why catcher is so good at tracking runaway niggas
11:20some believe he has supernatural power good job boy give him a biscuit one legend said catcher could actually
11:27talk to the dog whatever his secret didn't matter how fast they could run man this dude is off the
11:39chain catcher would find him anywhere that nigga caught it and I mean anywhere look out look out look out
11:48oh
11:49he came up out that water like jason oh he's so gangster see to understand the story of catcher
11:56freeman you gotta know a little something about slavery now if you think niggas is worthless and
12:00lazy today oh lord help me you should have seen them back in slavery days little old master colonel
12:06and plantation owners like him provided darkies all over the south with good job food housing
12:12I'm telling you slavery was the best thing that ever could happen to negro kind
12:16okay first of all none of that is true and don't trust them new niggas is not a spirit
12:21hush your mouth and learn your history boy slaves saying that and many other joyful songs all day
12:27they dance did artsy crafts crochet have water balloon fights everything except for work
12:33hey y'all masters are coming he's a coming y'all masters are coming here we come
12:38oh guys you asked me to take you in as slaves and this is how you repay me all you
12:43do all day is sing
12:45you just stop all right stop it stop it stop having so much fun hey master who can do me
12:51a favor
12:52and master these nuts in your mouth niggas come on y'all now that's enough i've had it y'all
12:57gonna get a
12:58time out everybody is in time out right now man you ever notice how white people sound when they get
13:03me i've had it i've had it everyone's getting a time out
13:12hey master deanda send a message for you i don't know anyone named deanda deanda who
13:18into my dick niggas now i have put up with this for long enough i'm not gonna put up with
13:27it
13:27anymore get to work now now i'm i'm sorry i had to speak at you so sternly but you brought
13:35it on
13:36yourself
13:38stop that slave masters have feelings too i just don't understand i try so hard with y'all
13:45man i says we murder that cracker i don't know maybe it wouldn't kill y'all to do a little
13:52bit of
13:52work what's wrong with you nigga we got the slave and shit hooked up just likes we like it and
13:56you
13:57wants to fuck it up with work now looks before we kills master we gotta get this nigga catcher freeman
14:02even if we could escape catcher come get us but castor freeman's stronger and faster than us
14:07percy hasn't gonna do that we'll use thelma that high yellow mulatto jezebel hussy hey that's my
14:14great great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother no need to get
14:18emotional robert i'm just reciting the historical record anyway the great great great great hussy in
14:24question was thelma and she was once again showing her disrespect for her kindly master by running away
14:39that night they devised their diabolical scheme to kill kind old mouse
14:55catcher come quick to the stables oh no don't go in there catcher come quick to the stables oh no
15:00don't go in
15:00catcher don't see nothing now catcher had never known the pleasures of the flesh before and he was
15:07no match for the temptations of them who in the darkness of night looked even less african than she
15:12actually was oh yeah catcher catcher and thelma rolled around in a hot sweaty naked embrace making
15:20passionate younger love lies all lies thelma freeman was a saint thelma was a hussy jezebel
15:27attempt now let me finish this story as catcher lay passed out after expending his manly seed
15:41the dark is attacked colonel master's men fought bravery but they were outnumbered and unprepared for the
15:47savagery of the negro
15:59the dark is the only one dark is tobias had the decency to try and stop this madness wait a
16:06minute
16:06y'all how's we gonna survive without master we can't do this it ain't right it ain't right thank you
16:13tobias i want you to know you've always been like a son to me except i would never ever lay
16:19with
16:19your black jungle bunny mama oh master kills them both
16:29having known no other one catcher married thelma and lived a miserable life as a free man in boston
16:36and that colored folks is the real story of catcher freeman
16:40ruggers i should kick in your damn door for telling them damn well come on you high yelling
16:43niggas i always forget in your place get the fuck out of my house you fat ass i'm telling you
16:47what
16:47if you were my house nigga i burned the house down around your back
16:50excuse me everyone i think we can resolve this quickly catcher tobias lynchwater better known as
16:56catcher freeman was a house slave on colonel lynchwater's plantation he was also colonel lynchwater's
17:01son although the colonel never claimed him wait what master's son uh-uh no no no that can't be
17:07he is believed to have written the first screenplay in secret several years before the invention of
17:12the motion picture industry what website is that made up monkey shit.com catcher fell in love with
17:17thelma but thelma wasn't looking for love she was looking for freedom i can't wait to tell the white
17:21man about how you lie then on one fateful day where are you going you smell like black jelly beans
17:30she knew the time for freedom had come
17:33once we're in the weapon shed we assault the house with everything we can get our hands on
17:38okay guys look look i think you're all missing a really big opportunity here with my script
17:42now i know most of you can't read but i'd be happy to read it to you
17:45catcher in one week we gonna kill massa
17:49at least let me show it to him before you kill him worked really hard on this
17:52you have one week
17:59you know i should hang you for being able to read and write but this is one heck of a
18:05of a what uh what you call it a script yes sir master colonel you got it it's a script
18:12first one
18:13never made right here well if you're selling i'm buying oh you are gonna be a very rich man
18:20son untrue falsehoods and untrue wait dad there's something i should tell you about thelma having
18:27sold his script catcher promptly betrayed thelma's rebellion oh man he sold the crew out for a script
18:33yo that's a bitch ass nigga oh my goodness and when were they planning such treachery a week from
18:39now three o'clock no you lying black bitch that wasn't a week
18:47forward come on
18:49i'll get him soon
18:50soon
18:53charge
18:54no messer no
19:00no
19:01no
19:01no
19:06that bitch can fight
19:07oh my god
19:09wait
19:10wait
19:11wait
19:11wait
19:12wait
19:12wait
19:12wait
19:13wait
19:14No!
19:19Stay still, bitch!
19:21No!
19:26Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
19:27He meant to shoot Thelma, but shot Massa instead?
19:30Now that's an ending!
19:31My ending was better!
19:32That ain't good fight history!
19:35But... the script?
19:37That's colored, man.
19:38You taught it.
19:39That moment, Catcher decided it was best to just go with the winning team.
19:45Uh...
19:46Die, Cracker!
19:47Die?
19:48Yeah!
19:49Take that, Massa!
19:51Huh?
19:52Yeah!
19:52You wanna beat up on the slaves, huh?
19:55Well, take this to your ass, motherfucker!
19:58Oh, Catcher!
19:59That's how I do it, baby.
20:00That's how I do it.
20:02And so was born the legend of Catcher Freeman.
20:04Catcher and Thelma married and moved to Canada.
20:08The script was never produced.
20:10And they all lived, more or less, happily ever after.
20:15Man, that's some old bullshit in all my life!
20:18Shut the fuck up!
20:19Hey, hold up, man!
20:20Where y'all goin'?
20:20I ain't had a chance to tell my story yet!
20:22And my Catcher Freeman story better than all y'alls!
20:24Know what I'm sayin'?
20:25See, my Catcher Freeman wasn't no slave, though!
20:27Cause he was like, fuck that shit!
20:29I'm a real nigga, know what I'm sayin'?
20:30Plus, he had like 300 hoes, and he had just no Thelma.
20:33He had all kinds of bitches, and he drove a Bentley coupe
20:35With 24's on it, with machine guns, and the rims!
20:38Nigga, what?
20:38Take our black asses outta here
20:43Won't you take our black asses outta here
20:48Won't you come save us, Catcher, and kill all these crackers
20:53Lord, take our black asses outta here
20:58Won't you take our black asses outta here
21:01Won't you take our black asses outta here
21:03Won't you take our black asses outta here
21:06GONNA BURN YOUR, SH-
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