- 2 days ago
Eddie Wuncler has unique ideas about how Granddad can repay the millions he owes on his house.
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00:00The stone that the builder refused, I am the visual, the inspiration that made ladies sing the blues.
00:04I'm the spark that makes your idea bright, the same spark that lights the dark so that you can know
00:08you're left from your right.
00:09I am the ballad in your box, the bullet in the gun, the inner glow that lets you know to
00:13call your brother's son.
00:14The story that just begun, the promise of what's to come, and I'm gonna remain a soldier till the war
00:19is won.
00:32This is Woodcrest, an affluent, quiet, tree-lined suburb.
00:36Here is where Robert Jebediah Freeman, war hero and civil rights legend, decided to spend his final days.
00:43But things didn't quite work out as planned.
00:48Boys!
00:49We're right here, Grandad.
00:51Important family announcement.
00:53We are leaving Woodcrest forever.
00:55Our lives have been a complete disaster since we moved here.
00:57True, Dad.
00:58Now that's true, Grandad.
00:59We were supposed to have safe, boring lives.
01:02I was supposed to find some hot, financially desperate, or sexually frustrated mama and settle down.
01:06But nothing worked out as planned.
01:08It's just been one ridiculous, stupid, bizarre episode after another.
01:11And it's all my fault for moving us here.
01:13I'm taking responsibility.
01:16Well, I say it's about time.
01:18I've been saying this place sucks since we showed up.
01:20Well, I have learned my lesson.
01:22We are leaving.
01:23Wait a minute, Grandad.
01:25What's going on?
01:26Whatever do you mean, Grandad?
01:28I mean you never take responsibility or learn a lesson.
01:31Ever.
01:33We're broke, aren't we, Grandad?
01:36Grandad broke?
01:38Healy, you crazy, boy.
01:40Everybody know Grandad got lots of paper.
01:43Tell him, Grandad.
01:46I'm sorry, boy.
01:48Oh, no, Grandad.
01:49You didn't.
01:50I told him that everybody's going to do it, and then he's going to do it later.
01:54Grandad, calm down.
01:55How bad is it?
01:57We have no money?
01:58Worse.
01:58Worse?
01:59What's worse than no money?
02:01We're in debt.
02:02Mm-hmm.
02:03How much?
02:04A couple.
02:05A couple.
02:06Thousand?
02:07Mm-mm.
02:07Hundred thousand?
02:09Millions.
02:13I refinanced with that damn adjustable-rate mortgage.
02:16The dancing lady in that pop-up ad looks so friendly.
02:21How could I know it would shoot up to 21%?
02:25Oh, Grandad.
02:26Thanks for killing our future.
02:28I'm sorry.
02:29I'm so, so, so, sorry.
02:31It's going to be real embarrassing being the only homeless kid at school, Grandad.
02:38Oh!
02:41Damn, damn, damn!
02:43Good night, anytime you need a payment.
02:47Good night, anytime.
02:49Yeah!
02:51Good night, anytime you have a wonder.
02:54Not getting hassled, not getting hustle.
02:57Keeping your head above water.
03:00Making a wave when you can't.
03:04Temporary layoffs.
03:05Good times, easy cradle rip-offs
03:08Good times, scratching and surviving
03:12Good times, hanging in a giant
03:15Good times, ain't we lucky we got em
03:22Good times
03:35Goddammit, boy!
03:36You really need all that damn orange juice
03:41From now on, that's all the orange juice you get
03:44Come on, Granddad, I'ma still be thirsty after that
03:47Then drink water
03:47Listen up, there's gonna be some changes around here
03:53There he is!
03:54Look over here!
03:58Morning, nigga!
03:59It's worth mentioning that Uncle Ruckus is running for mayor
04:02Why? A couple of years ago
04:04A new face in the Republican campaign race
04:07From seemingly out of nowhere, a Mr. Uncle Ruckus
04:11Financed by billionaire banking tycoons and Mr. Burns knockoff, Ed Wunzler
04:15And his economy-crushing son, Eddie Jr.
04:19This Mr. Ruckus is not, I repeat, not an African-American
04:23But rather, a Caucasian man suffering from a rare skin condition called Revitiligo
04:29Liberals are, of course, ridiculing this man's disease
04:32Which I can assure you is completely real, unlike rape
04:36Yes, that's right
04:37Uncle Ruckus ran for president and basically almost won
04:41His standout moment is during the first Republican primary debate
04:45Uncle Ruckus, give us your strongest critique of President Obama
04:48One minute
04:49I don't need a minute
04:50He's a black sumbitch from the sweaty jungles of Kenya
04:53I yield the rest of my time
05:00Once national news, now public access
05:03Ruckus continues his service to the American people
05:06You see, fellow white American
05:08This is why I am running for mayor
05:12Now, being black is bad, ain't no question about that
05:15And being poor is bad
05:17But this nigga has a nerve to beat both
05:20Pay your bills, deadbeat nigga
05:22Ruckus, I don't have time for this
05:24What are you doing here?
05:25Question is, Robert, what are you doing here?
05:28Here in the white man's house that you cannot afford
05:32Oh, what?
05:33What?
05:33You thought you could pay your mortgage with food stamps, nigga?
05:39Look, you fat one-eyed bastard
05:40I don't need this today
05:42This is the things I get
05:43I was on my way to tape Jimmy Kimmel
05:45And I thought I would stop by and see how y'all niggas was doing
05:48Hey, how did that black president thing work out for you?
05:52Ruckus, enough!
05:53How do you know about my house payments anyway?
05:55You come by to rub it in?
05:56No, sir, I did not
05:57I came by to tell you I quit
05:59Now that I'm an official Woodcrest mayoral candidate
06:02I will no longer work for y'all niggas
06:05Mexicans or swarthy Persians
06:07Bang!
06:08Beat it!
06:09Get off me, Robert!
06:10Get your nigga hands off me!
06:11Oh, what a surprise!
06:13The nigga is resorting to violence!
06:22You'll be okay?
06:23Ed Wunzler and I are old buddies now
06:25They'll find a way to make it work, right?
06:28I mean, last week was the first payment I missed
06:30So I figured I'd have about, uh...
06:34I hope that's that show that builds houses for poor people
06:43Robert... Freeman
06:46It's me!
06:47Ed Wunzler Jr.
06:48Oh!
06:49Huh?
06:50We never met, but my father talks about you so much
06:52I feel like I know you
06:53Dad turned over property management to me
06:56Whoa!
06:57You're Ed III's dad?
06:59Well, uh...
07:00It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wunzler II
07:02Call me Eddie!
07:04Can I come in?
07:10Oh, my goodness!
07:12Look at this!
07:13What a lovely home!
07:14The couch is beautiful with the carpet
07:17Oh, I'm sorry, this is my assistant, Vanderbilt
07:20You do have a lovely home
07:23I used to have a lovely home
07:25Let's see what we have
07:27Mm-hmm
07:27Hmm
07:29So look, I don't want to waste your time
07:31You know why I'm here
07:32We're not exactly where I need to be with the house
07:38Yeah, about that
07:40Look, I'm just here
07:41To get you
07:42The f***
07:44Out
07:48Ha, you should've seen your face
07:52Robert, it's me
07:53It's your nephew, Eddie
07:55Hey, I'd never kick you out of here
07:59Pocket change
08:00Don't need that
08:01Hey, check for hollow lot spaces
08:03Remember those f***ing nuns
08:05Trying to hide the thorny crowd on the wall
08:07F***ing sisters, man
08:08Hey, man, why are you stealing our stuff?
08:10Shut up!
08:11It's his stuff
08:12No, no, no
08:13This is asset remanagement
08:15Yeah
08:16Please, Mr. Eddie
08:17Help yourself
08:17It's your house
08:18It's your living room
08:19It's your, uh...
08:22Dear grandma, it's ashes
08:23Okay, so look
08:24I added up your title insurance
08:26And your homeowner's policy
08:27And the new rate on your subprime, nonprime, underprime mortgage
08:30Is $52,000.47
08:32You think you can get that to me in, let's say, a month?
08:36A month?
08:36I can't come up with that kind of money in a month?
08:39Well, not if you keep putting all that negative energy into the universe
08:42You gotta think positive
08:43Say, I will get Eddie's money in a month
08:46Say it
08:47Watch, you'll feel better
08:48I will get Eddie's money in a month
08:50Agreed
08:51Wait, no!
08:52Gotta run
08:53It's all gonna be okay
08:54I'll see you later
08:57Chop, chop, Vanderbilt
08:59Nothing is going to be okay
09:01Listen to me
09:01Fake your deaths
09:02Do you hear me?
09:03Fake your deaths
09:20Hmm
09:21Hmm?
09:23Robert
09:24Freeman
09:25My nigga
09:27Can I say that?
09:28Yes, I can
09:29Mr. Gumsler
09:30Uh
09:31Sorry to interrupt you on a Sunday morning at 7am
09:33I was just wondering if you, um, had that money
09:37Well, uh, money, we, we, uh...
09:41You got my money, right?
09:42Please
09:42Please, please
09:43Tell me you have my money, Robert
09:45Please
09:46Well, you see, Eddie
09:50Please
09:50Yes, well, I'm working on it, but I don't have the money right now
09:53You don't have my money
09:55Well, I don't have all of it
09:56How much you have?
09:57Riley
09:58Bring the suitcase with the money
10:06You're f***ing with me, right?
10:08Seriously
10:08Where's my money?
10:10You don't have my money?
10:11I can't believe this
10:12God
10:13Damn
10:14I
10:15Eddie
10:16Think
10:17Mate
10:18I got it
10:19What?
10:20The house
10:20We can make money
10:22Off the house
10:23Together
10:23We rent out each of the rooms
10:25As a separate unit
10:26Two bedrooms
10:27Guest room
10:28Living room and kitchen
10:28Attic
10:29How much is that Vanderbilt?
10:31More than you're getting now, sir
10:33What do you think?
10:34What do we think about having people move in here?
10:36Genius, right?
10:37Whoa, wait
10:38Yeah, man, slow down
10:39I'm telling you, it'll be great
10:41You guys will love it
10:42It'll be like a commune
10:44Huey
10:44You'll have plenty of people to talk to and share all your political ideas
10:47It'll be like Occupy, but right here at home
10:51Occupy my living room
10:52Where do we live?
10:53The garage
10:54It's damn near like a whole other house
10:56I'm telling you, y'all could HGTV that shit up
10:59Make this shit fly
11:07It's never too late to pick your own dad
11:14Whoa
11:15That's my name, that's my bed
11:17That's my bed
11:18Oh, what's the one?
11:22I don't have money in my pocket
11:24Can I help you?
11:33Can I help you?
11:35Yes, I'm the owner of the house
11:37You ain't the owner of the house
11:38Eddie once was the owner of this house
11:40Yes, well, I'm Robert Freeman
11:42Civil right
11:42I know who you are
11:44I know exactly who you are
11:46What the do you want?
11:48I was hoping to use the bathroom
11:49There's a bathroom downstairs
11:51Yes, but I would prefer to you
11:54I prefer you get the out of my face, nigga
11:55Are we about to have a nigga moment?
11:57Are we about to have a nigga moment?
12:00No, please
12:01I don't want to have a nigga moment
12:03I just have to go to the bathroom
12:18That's it?
12:18He rinsed my bathroom
12:19Oh, that's the whole house
12:21A man can't truly call himself a man
12:23Once a stranger's ass chick
12:24He's been on his private toilet
12:26This is all your fault, Granddad
12:28You really turned our life into good times
12:30Our life is not good times
12:32We still live in a nice neighborhood
12:33Yeah, for now
12:34You might have to get a job, Granddad
12:36Why do I have to get a job?
12:37Why can't y'all get jobs?
12:39Child labor laws, unsafe workplaces, really small hands
12:43That's garbage
12:44Your generation is just lazy, that's all
12:46Plus, who's even hiring now?
12:50Oh, come on
12:51I thought you gave up work to run for mayor
12:53I didn't give up, Mike
12:54I gave up working for niggas
12:56And other colors like Mexicans and sand people
12:58Now you better grab some suds and start waxing hoods
13:02Wax on, wax off, nigga
13:09Damn!
13:10What's this thing, electric?
13:17Come on, man
13:18Less sweat, more scrub
13:19Look
13:20Lou Gossett Jr. is washing my car
13:22Stop trying to hide inside my trunk
13:24I don't know why they fired the sand people
13:26Oh, look at that
13:35Feel that, nigga
13:36Feel that
13:37That feeling is called work
13:39That's what white folks been doing their whole life
13:42Shut up, ruckus
13:43When do I get paid?
13:44I don't know, nigga
13:45You fired
13:46Fired? Why?
13:47It wasn't me
13:48The car wash brass is cutting back ours
13:50Tough luck, nigga
13:51We'll call you when we need you
13:55I got laid off at the car wash today
13:57Aw, man
13:58What'd you do now?
13:59Nothing
14:00What do you mean?
14:00It was a temporary layoff
14:01Huh?
14:04What the?
14:08Uncle Ruckus is back on the scene
14:10Ruffling small town feathers with bold ideas
14:13Barack Hussein Obama
14:15Barack Hussein Obama
14:16Thinks black people made this country great
14:21Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute
14:23He almost right
14:24The white half of him right
14:26Because the white business man
14:28That white entrepreneur
14:29Who had the sense
14:30To look at a big black African negro man
14:34Put that nigga in chains
14:36Drag his black ass all the way over here to America
14:39To do some productive work
14:41Now that's what's made America great
14:43Thank you, friends, thank you
14:49That, my friends
14:51Is how come we are losing to the Chinese
14:53Because the China man uses slave labor
14:56And we don't
14:57Apple computers don't need to be using no Chinese slave labor
15:01They should be using good old fashioned
15:04Blacky American slave labor
15:10That's right
15:11It came in the mail today
15:12A Gangstalicious card
15:14It's our key to financial independence
15:16You got the Gangstalicious card, Grandad?
15:19That's right
15:19The one on the commercial
15:20Gangstalicious card
15:22Get cash back
15:23You ain't got to slang that crack
15:24What?
15:25I got all of them
15:26The Kardashian card
15:27Lil Wayne card
15:29You see, boy
15:30The key to smart finance is
15:31Did you read the fine print?
15:34Uh...
15:35Fifteen hundred dollars in fees?
15:37What the f***?
15:39God dammit, Lil Wayne
15:40From now on
15:41Nobody listens to Lil Wayne
15:43Or Gangstalicious in this house
15:44You mean garage
15:45Whatever
15:51Look at this place
15:52Yeah, it's so cozy
15:53And I love how you arrange the beds
15:55It's a very economical use of space
15:57I dig it
15:58Say, do you mind if we store, uh...
16:01Something here for just a couple of days?
16:03Sure
16:03Anything
16:08So we just came by
16:09Because the good news is
16:11We've rented all the rooms in your house
16:13The bad news is
16:14We're still not really making a dent in your debt
16:22I'll just put this in that nice cool corner
16:26Uh...
16:26Sure
16:27Yeah
16:33So, y'all have any luck with the money?
16:35Maybe a million at least?
16:37Something?
16:37Eddie, I'm sorry
16:39We just don't have it
16:40I wanna fix income
16:41Think, think
16:43Vanderbilt
16:44Find me a way to get Robert that money
16:46It's impossible, sir
16:47Their credit is piss poor, sir
16:49No
16:51No
16:52This man is a customer
16:53He is a dear family friend
16:55He is a war hero
16:56A civil rights legend
16:58We must find a way to help him
17:00Well, there is one way
17:06Huh?
17:07At Wunzler Banking, we do believe in offering quality banking services to those with damaged credit
17:11A loan?
17:12Yes, I'll take it
17:14Done
17:16Congratulations
17:16I believe in you, Robert
17:18I believe in the Freeman family
17:21Freeman family
17:23Freeman family
17:25Freeman family
17:26You're more stupid than I thought
17:31That went well
17:32Did you check the interest rate?
17:34150% interest
17:35What's that mean?
17:36Y'all know I don't do math
17:37It means now I'm another million in debt
17:40It was a rip-off
17:41Easy credit rip-off
17:43Good time
17:48Huh?
17:52What is that?
18:02Well, at least we're not sangin' in a hurry
18:04Those aren't the lyrics, Grandad
18:06What is it? Drink a lot of Jew wine?
18:07No
18:08Banging with the giant
18:08It's hangin' in the chow line, Grandad
18:11Good time
18:23Well, boys, this is it
18:25Moving day
18:35So, so unfortunate
18:37This is our male role model
18:38Oh, you listen, you broke, bald
18:41I don't give a
18:42About your chemo
18:44You hear me?
18:45I don't give a
18:45About your chemo
18:47You get me my money
18:48You're
18:49Dead
18:49You're
18:50Dead
18:51You're
18:51Dead
18:52Dead
18:53Okay, see ya
19:01Ow, ow, ow
19:02Whoops
19:03Sorry, I was just cuttin' some, uh, meat earlier
19:08I can't believe it
19:09This place
19:10This neighborhood
19:11Won't be the same without you guys
19:13Isn't there anyone who can help this man?
19:16Yes, sir, Mr. Conley billionaire white man
19:20Uncle Ruckus can help you with that broke nigga
19:26Look, it's former presidential candidate
19:28And the next mayor of Woodcrest, Uncle Ruckus
19:31You get in there, you don't think I'm talkin' about, isn't it?
19:34That's the only thing they understand
19:36Do they think you should break down
19:37Yeah, it's like the math and the math and the
19:44Slavery?
19:45I don't think about it as slavery
19:47I think about it as investing in people
19:50I invest in you
19:51You help me
19:52Help you do what?
19:53Yeah, what we gotta do in return
19:55It better not be nothin' gay
19:56No
19:57It just means you get to live in 100% of the house
20:00100% of the time
20:02And in exchange
20:02You own us
20:04No, I just own 100% of your time
20:06Until the debt is paid
20:07That's fair, right?
20:09No
20:09No
20:09Sure it is
20:10For example, let's say
20:12I come by unannounced
20:13In the middle of the night
20:14And I need you to lend a hand
20:15I don't know
20:16Washing my spaceship
20:17Or, say, digging a six foot hole in the ground
20:19You guys will help me
20:21Because that's what it's about
20:23People helping people
20:25Simple
20:27I'll take it
20:28Grandad
20:28You heard me
20:29Taking the deal
20:30I want my house back
20:31It's slavery
20:32It's literally slavery
20:33Oh, we're too good to be slaves?
20:35Your ancestors were slaves
20:36What they say on the internet is true
20:37You've forgotten where you came from, Huey
20:39Grandad, you can't sell yourself into slavery
20:42Who cares if he owns me?
20:43How many years do I have left anyway?
20:45I've been free my whole life
20:46And what has it gotten me?
20:48Three million dollars in debt
20:49I'm tired of living in that garage with you two smelly niggas
20:52We're gonna be broke
20:53Might as well get my house back
20:54I'll sign it
21:01This is a proud day
21:03The day we bring slavery back to America
21:06Finally, whifeless niggas like these
21:09Now have real value to this country
21:12Thanks to the brilliance and generosity of the white man
21:15And his well-run financial institution
21:18I just want to thank Uncle Ruckus for his leadership
21:21And of course to Robert Freeman for having the courage to sign his life away
21:29I almost forgot, I won the bet
21:31Uh, what bet?
21:33Oh, we made a bet that I couldn't get you guys to sign yourselves into slavery
21:37He didn't think I could do it?
21:38I won
21:39And I lost
21:40Here you go, boss
21:41One dollar
21:45Thank you, Vanderpill
21:46To be continued
21:59I love you.
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