- 2 days ago
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00:03Garlic, lemongrass, lemongrass, where am I going to get lemongrass from?
00:09Oh, to hell with it, we'll have to have it without lemongrass.
00:12Yeah, why are you doing that this early?
00:14I couldn't sleep, I'm worried about tonight.
00:17No, you don't have to worry, sweetheart, it's only your mum and dad, isn't it, coming for dinner?
00:21It's not only my mum and dad coming for dinner.
00:23I don't mind, what, they're bringing the neighbours and all, are they?
00:26No, I mean, it's not that simple, my parents and I didn't see each other for years, didn't even talk.
00:31Yeah, I know, but you've kissed and made up now, aren't you?
00:33You and Damien, you went up there for the weekend at their house.
00:35Well, I know, but now they're coming here.
00:37They've never been to the flat before, I've never cooked for them before, they've never met you before.
00:44Well, exactly, I'd be right by your side, wouldn't I, eh?
00:46Anyway, what did you tell them about me?
00:49Well, I said your name was Derek.
00:52That's about it, really.
00:54Yeah, well, with a bloke like me, that's all you need to know, really, isn't it, eh?
00:59Right, what are you going to do us to eat?
01:01Noisettes of lamb in red wine and cognac.
01:03You don't need to go to all that trouble, sweetheart, a bacon sandwich will do me.
01:08Oh, I see, no, that's for tonight.
01:10Oh, lamb in wine, eh, that's going to be lovely, jubbly.
01:13Morning, though.
01:14Yeah, morning, hon.
01:15Morning.
01:15And another thing, you've promised to get another table and some proper armchairs, we can't eat at that thing.
01:20It's all right, it's all right, it's taken care of, sweetheart.
01:22Well, Denzel's coming round later on, he's going to clear all this gear out and drop off the new stuff.
01:27Anyway, I don't know why you're going to all this bother, really I don't.
01:30I said we could take him out for dinner.
01:32You know, I'm really well in with the manager at a local restaurant.
01:35No, this is my home now, and if my parents want me back in their lives, they'd better get used
01:39to it.
01:40Besides, a spudgelite's always full on a Friday.
01:42Yeah, that's true.
01:43Anyway, I'll get some breakfast then, shall I?
01:45Okay, will you check me on the bar, see if we've got any cognac?
01:47Yeah, all right.
01:49There you go, yeah, I've got plenty of it.
01:50All right, Albert, what do you want?
01:52Well, if we're starting early, I'll have a cognac as well.
01:56No, no, you old geek, that's for tonight, that.
01:58Look, will you tell Raquel to stop worrying and fussing about this meal tonight?
02:03You've got nothing to worry about, love.
02:04We're all in the hand.
02:05You do the meat and I'll do the gravy.
02:07Yeah, that's all right, and I'll do the veg.
02:09I'm a dab hand with a pint of water and a bucket of cabbage.
02:11The only thing we've got to worry about is whether that bloody lift's working.
02:15Broke down twice this week.
02:16We can't have Cassandra climbing up all those stairs, not after what she's been through.
02:20Are her and Rodney coming to dinner?
02:22Well, I invited them, but the way they are at the moment, who knows?
02:25Yeah, well, I hope they do.
02:26They need to get out.
02:27What do you mean, Rodney's out every night?
02:28I know he's got a lot on his mind, Raquel.
02:30He's got a lot on his mind, and how do you think Cassandra feels?
02:33She's the one who's had the miscarriage.
02:35She needs her husband by her side, not out drinking in some pub or club.
02:39Yes, I know, but she's a woman, isn't she?
02:41She's stronger than Rodney.
02:45I mean, I've known Rodney all his life.
02:48He's always had this problem about facing up to things that hurt him.
02:52What he tends to do is to walk away and pretend it isn't happening.
02:55That's what he's doing now.
02:56But, you know, as soon as he gets it off his chest, he's going to be fine.
03:00See?
03:01All right, don't worry, I'll get it.
03:05Trotters Independent Traders.
03:08Oh, hello, Cassandra.
03:09Cool, you're up early.
03:10What are you doing that for?
03:12You are?
03:14Oh, right.
03:15Rodney was only out again last night.
03:18Didn't get home till the early hours.
03:20Oh, no, you were with him.
03:22LAUGHTER
03:25Well, you'd better talk to her.
03:26Come on, then, you talk to her, will you?
03:27I'll take it in the kitchen.
03:28Yeah, all right, all right.
03:29What Rodney needs is a counter-worry.
03:32You what?
03:33Well, during...
03:33If you say during the war, once more, I'm going to pour this cup of tea right over your head.
03:38I wasn't going to say during the war.
03:40Well, that's all right, then.
03:41Bloody little no-hole.
03:42You all right.
03:43I'm sorry.
03:46During the 1939-1945 conflict in Germany...
03:51LAUGHTER
03:53I was sailing on a frigate, HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic.
03:57Now, in those days, the ship's crew was full of stress and fear.
04:01Yeah, I'm not surprised when they saw you walking up the gang of the...
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04So our old skipper, Captain Kenworthy, used to relay all those fears by creating a counter-worry.
04:09Like, one day he announced there was a cholera epidemic on the ship.
04:12Really?
04:13Well, that must have cheered you all up, didn't it?
04:15Well, it took their minds off the U-boats and the sharks.
04:18I see.
04:18Well, it's a good job your Captain Kenworthy didn't join the Samaritans.
04:22Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to get a barge under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies.
04:26He's still the same.
04:27Cassandra said he's even stopped going to see the councillor at the hospital.
04:30Oh, dear.
04:31Well, Albert reckons we ought to tell Rodney that there's a cholera epidemic in Beckham
04:35and that should get him out of his mood.
04:37I say, give him a counter-way.
04:39Look, if Rodney thought a close friend or a relative was ill,
04:42he'd start worrying about them and stop worrying about himself.
04:45Yeah, I see.
04:46So when that person became better,
04:47Rodney would have forgotten what he was worried about in the first place.
04:50Exactly.
04:51Well, it's worth a try.
04:52It's got to be someone he really cares for.
04:55Damien.
04:56Have me ask a five-year-old to act ill.
04:58I could pretend to be ill.
05:00Yes, but how would he know the difference?
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03No, no, look, it's got to be me, hasn't it?
05:04Eh?
05:05All right, that's him now.
05:06All right, all right.
05:07OK, come on, we'll give it a whirl.
05:08We'll give it a try.
05:09I'm ill.
05:09I'm ill, all right.
05:10Come on, wait.
05:13Morning.
05:15Oi, son.
05:15How's Cassandra?
05:17Fine, thank you.
05:18Good morning, Rodney.
05:22How are you?
05:24I'm all right.
05:27Del's not very well, Rodney.
05:29Oh, well, I'll go home then.
05:32That's right, I might make a recovery.
05:36We've called the doctor in last night.
05:38I bet you're wondering what he said, aren't you?
05:43What?
05:44He said I would live, but he didn't recommend it.
05:51Right.
05:53I'm really worried, Rodney.
05:54Has he ever suffered with pleurisy?
05:56Only when he's tried to spell it.
06:02I'll make a pot of tea.
06:03Yeah, that's for you.
06:06All right.
06:07Oi, Raquel, I'll have a cup.
06:08Oh, Raquel.
06:11Can I have a cup of tea too, please?
06:14It's all right, I'll get it.
06:15I...
06:16Oh, thank you.
06:17Rodney.
06:17Rodney.
06:18Thank you, Rodney.
06:19Rodney.
06:19Thank you, Rod...
06:21Rod...
06:21What?
06:21They uncaring little gift.
06:24I could be on me last knockings here.
06:26He doesn't care whether I've got yellow fever or foot fungus.
06:38All right, Rodgers.
06:39What are you up to?
06:40Catalog in our stock.
06:42I'm going to put all of this on computer.
06:44On computer?
06:45Now, we've had this discussion before.
06:47That's dangerous.
06:48That means anyone could hack in and find out what we've got.
06:51If I found someone was hacking into our computer, all the police would have to do was go and
06:55arrest Mr. Bean.
06:57I mean, look.
06:59These are the entire records for Trotter's independent traders.
07:03I began filing them when I first started working for you 16 years ago, but you told me to stop
07:07it.
07:07Yeah, because we don't need it, do we?
07:09Because it's all up here.
07:11I mean, squirrels, they ain't got computers, but they know where their nuts are.
07:16I've got to make a note of everything, and I've got to chuck a lot of this junk out.
07:19Hey, be careful.
07:20One man's junk is another man's treasures.
07:23Derek, we have got a pile of Shawaddy Waddy LPs, and we're trying for a triumph herald and
07:28an artificial limb.
07:30These are not going to make big news on the Antiques Roadshow.
07:34All right.
07:36Hey, these LPs, you know, they're collector's items.
07:39Oh, all right.
07:40Well, let's see if we can find a one-legged Shawaddy Waddy freak and flog them to him.
07:45And if he turns up in a triumph herald, we've had a result.
07:48Look, Rodney, what is the matter with you?
07:52What is the matter with me?
07:54Yes.
07:55Didn't anybody tell you?
07:57Yeah, look, Rodney, I'm sorry.
07:58My wife was rushed to hospital a fortnight ago, and we lost a...
08:02There's nothing wrong with me now, right?
08:04Everything's hunky-dory.
08:06Look, all right.
08:07Look, Rodney, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
08:09You know, I had a dream a few weeks ago.
08:12I dreamt you and Damien ruled the world.
08:14Oh, yeah?
08:15Yeah.
08:15Yeah, you own companies, corporations, conglomerates everywhere.
08:20It was horrible.
08:23Do you know what I was?
08:24Huh?
08:24The messenger.
08:26You and Damien were presidents and chairmen, and I was a bloody messenger.
08:30And I thought, hold on, maybe it's not a dream.
08:32Maybe it's a prophecy.
08:33You know, like in the Bible, when King David saw seven fat cows and seven skinny ones.
08:38No, that just sounds like he's come out of the Nags Head Disco.
08:46I mean, nothing's ever gone right for me, has it?
08:54No, I know what you mean, Rodney.
08:57I'd love a bit of good luck, Bill.
08:59Not just for me, for all of us.
09:03Just wish something good would turn up.
09:06So would everyone, Rodney.
09:09That's why they're all out there doing the lottery, aren't they?
09:12I mean, look, if it were up to me, right, what I'd like to do, I'd like to be able
09:17to say, well, look, say this.
09:18Say that was life's lucky dip.
09:20What I would like to do, I'd love to just go, ta-da!
09:23There it is, look.
09:24That is going to change our lives.
09:28It won't, will it, eh?
09:30Because life is not like that.
09:37Have you made any attempt to discuss this with Cassandra?
09:40No, will you just leave it alone?
09:41Look, I'm only trying to help, Rodney.
09:43You can't keep walking away from this.
09:45I'm not walking away from it.
09:47Look, you get the lift, I'll take the stairs.
09:49Hang about, look, it's here now, don't bother.
09:51Come on, look, it's here.
09:52All right, I won't mention it again.
09:53All right.
09:59Look at the state of these lifts.
10:00Oh, what's going on in there, Brian?
10:03Well, they're just a bunch of half-heads, aren't they?
10:07Look.
10:08Del boy is a sex machine.
10:11Something like that.
10:15The nun.
10:21Rodney Trotter...
10:22The lying git!
10:27What's happening?
10:29Hmm?
10:30Oh, God.
10:35It's broken down.
10:36Oh, the lift, it's broken down.
10:38Oh, the poxy bleeding council.
10:42Well, it's broken down.
10:43It ain't the matter with me.
10:45Well, press the alarm button.
10:46Hey?
10:47I'll do it.
10:47I'll press the alarm button.
10:48I'm pressing the alarm button.
10:50It's the alarm button.
10:50It's broken.
10:51That, listen, it's not working either now.
10:53That's broken.
10:53Hey, come on, open up here.
10:55There's a couple of blokes here trapped in the lift.
10:56Hey, all right, all right.
10:58There's nothing to get into a lava about it.
11:01Someone will press for the lift in a minute, realise it's not working and call the engineers.
11:05We'll be out soon.
11:06Yeah, well, I just don't like being closed in like this.
11:10I never knew you was close to fun, do you?
11:11I'm not.
11:12I just don't like being closed in like this.
11:16There we are.
11:16Come on, look.
11:17Sit down on the floor and relax.
11:19I'll be here in a minute.
11:20Yeah, yeah.
11:21Yeah, all right, all right.
11:22That's all right.
11:22Sit down, Rodney.
11:23That's it.
11:23That's it.
11:23Take it.
11:24Nice and easy.
11:24Calm down.
11:25Just calm down, will you?
11:30Because the oxygen, right, that falls down to the bottom, and this way we get cleaner air.
11:35Yeah, good, good.
11:50Your lifts are broken again.
11:52We had to carry that stuff up 12 flights of stairs.
11:55They all said him and Rodney'd be here to help.
11:58So where are they?
11:59I don't know.
12:01Listen, Raquel, it's not my fault.
12:04They'll ask me to deliver that table and to store this stuff in me locker.
12:08Yes.
12:08And the table and chairs are only on hire?
12:11Yeah, they've got to go back by Monday.
12:12They're having a posture at the town hall.
12:22Well, not here yet, all right, eh?
12:23Hey!
12:24Hey!
12:25Well, give them time.
12:26Sit down, take it easy.
12:28Here, here, all right.
12:29Take it easy.
12:33Let's play a game.
12:34We play a game?
12:35Why?
12:36You've got a ball in your pocket or something?
12:38A different sort of game.
12:40I spy.
12:41I spy?
12:43Yeah.
12:44Well, you can go first.
12:45All right, then.
12:46I spy with my little I something beginning with W.
12:52Walls.
12:53Walls, that's right.
12:54Now, that's the end of that game, then, isn't it?
12:56All right, you choose a game.
12:58All right, then.
12:59What about hide and seek?
13:02Simon, is you acting like a big kid just because you're trapped in a lift for a while?
13:06Yes.
13:08Yeah, well, you don't know how I feel.
13:11I feel...
13:11I feel sort of...
13:14frightened.
13:15You don't know what that's like.
13:17I don't know what that's like?
13:18How do you think I've felt for the last couple of weeks since Cassie...
13:21Since what happened?
13:25I don't know.
13:26I don't know how you felt, Rodney.
13:27Well, I'll tell you, frightened ain't the words.
13:32Do you know what I did the other night?
13:33No, but I bet it was depressing.
13:36I sat and read my diaries from when I was a school kid.
13:39You see, it was right.
13:40No, not quite.
13:42I actually noticed moments of hope within those pages.
13:47I mean, there weren't many.
13:49Just the occasional oasis of promise in a desert of pessimism.
13:53They were simple hopes.
13:55As you'd expect for someone of my age.
13:57I hoped for...
13:59hairs.
14:03I could be well in my exams.
14:08I even hoped for a good job when I left school.
14:11Well, you got hairs, didn't you?
14:14Think how right said Fred must feel.
14:18I think Cass was so happy, then.
14:22We were looking forward,
14:23and all we could see in front of us was this big, wide highway,
14:27and we were just cruising down it,
14:28and all of a sudden it came to a shuddering hub.
14:33Just like this poxy lift.
14:37Suddenly, happy families became Dungeons and Dragons.
14:43And I've never felt so in pain like that in all my life.
14:52Is Cassandra hurting?
14:54Of course she is.
14:57How do you know?
14:59You haven't talked to her about it.
15:01Oh, and you know why?
15:02It's because...
15:04It's because, like...
15:05It's almost like...
15:06It's almost like...
15:07If I don't talk about it,
15:08then it might not be true.
15:11But it is.
15:12I know, I know.
15:13But if I don't say it...
15:16If you don't say what?
15:20We lost our baby.
15:21But...
15:25But you did.
15:27And you have said it.
15:30Yeah.
15:32I said it.
15:38You just...
15:40You shield yourself from it, you know?
15:46I've just been lying, haven't I?
15:49Yes.
15:51And what about Cassandra?
15:56Not her.
15:58Cassandra can't tell her, do I?
16:02Raquel can.
16:04The moment one leaves my lips.
16:12Both those lips have broken down again.
16:17Is this the stuff Del was talking about?
16:20Yes.
16:27Cassie seems so fragile.
16:30I wanted to cuddle her and talk to her about it, but...
16:34I was frightened I might sort of...
16:36Break her.
16:38No.
16:40She's strong, Rodney.
16:43Look, it's just a dropped stitch in life's tapestry.
16:48That's what Mum used to say.
16:52What do I say to her, Del?
16:56Well, you tell her exactly what you told me.
16:58You can leave out a bit about the hairs, if you like.
17:04You go home right now, you have a heart-to-heart, right?
17:07While you're there, you ask her if she wants to come round for dinner tonight.
17:11I can't, mate.
17:13I've got a real problem with that.
17:14What is it?
17:16I'm stuck in a bloody leaf.
17:20Let's have another look at this thing, shall we?
17:23Right.
17:26I thought if I could have cleared up quick, didn't it?
17:28Yeah, well, I got over the worst of it.
17:31Almost as quick as that flu you had this morning.
17:34Well, these things, they come and go, don't they?
17:36Look at this.
17:36I wonder what this switch does here.
17:40Oh.
17:41Come on.
17:42You.
17:43You.
17:44Get.
17:45You stopped it.
17:49It's the only way I could get you talking.
17:52Can't run away in a broken lift.
17:57You.
17:58Get.
18:06Come here.
18:08Come on.
18:11Tell us I'm bound to have forgotten something.
18:14Calm down.
18:15Everything's fine.
18:16You'll have a hot flush in a minute.
18:17I'm just so nervous something will go wrong.
18:21Del.
18:22Hmm?
18:22Please don't use any of your French phrases to my parents.
18:25Oh, that's really hot.
18:26Aren't they up on the old French lingo or what?
18:28No.
18:29The meat.
18:30All right.
18:31I'll get the wine out of the fridge.
18:32Well, everything seems to be going according to the plan.
18:36Damn you.
18:37Now, don't do that.
18:38Dear, oh, dear.
18:40Look, it's only plastic.
18:40You'll break it.
18:43Make the gravy and put it in the bottom of it.
18:45Thank you, Albert.
18:46Hey, Damien, you go and sit round there.
18:47All right?
18:48Go in.
18:48That's a good boy.
18:48Right.
18:49Now, remember, we've got to go, uh, girl boy, girl boy, girl boy.
18:52And Uncle Albert.
18:54I'm starting to abuse you.
18:56Hey.
18:56What's that?
18:56Oh, God.
18:57I said.
18:58Calm down the nut of your own monster.
19:00Not how good you'd have been on the Russian convoys.
19:07Good evening.
19:09Please come in.
19:10You must be Raquel's parents.
19:12Yes.
19:13My wife, Audrey, and I'm James.
19:15Lovely to meet you.
19:16Please follow me.
19:20She did say he was older than her.
19:27Hi, Mom.
19:28Dad.
19:29Dad.
19:29Hi.
19:30How are you?
19:30Nanny.
19:31Granddad.
19:32Oh, watch out.
19:32Here comes trouble.
19:34Now, Mom.
19:34Dad.
19:35This is Derek's brother, Rodney, and his wife, Cassandra, James and Audrey.
19:39Lovely to meet you.
19:41Lovely to meet you.
19:42And this is my...
19:45This is Derek.
19:46Yes.
19:47This is my wife.
19:47Au revoir.
19:50Yes.
19:51Oh, my God.
19:52Oh, my God.
19:52We thought...
19:53We thought...
19:53We thought you were busy working this evening.
19:56Oh, no.
19:56Not this evening.
19:57No, no.
19:57Not on a special occasion like this.
20:00As it is a special occasion, I bought this rather nice bottle of port.
20:03It's 15 years old.
20:04Oh, thank you.
20:0515 years old.
20:07Well, I have to watch that.
20:08It might have acne.
20:11It's might have acne.
20:13All right.
20:14Well, okay.
20:14Let's get started then.
20:15Shall we start off with a nice little...
20:16A pair of teeth.
20:18Right?
20:19Okay.
20:19Here we are.
20:21I'm knocking them bandy, aren't I?
20:27Right.
20:27There's the gravy.
20:29Ah.
20:30Rodney, would you fill the wine glasses, please?
20:32Oh, yes, of course.
20:34More wine, no drink.
20:37James?
20:38I don't think I should.
20:39I've got to drive back to the hotel tonight.
20:40Why don't you get a cab back?
20:41Pick up the car in the morning.
20:43What do you think?
20:44It's your decision.
20:45Well, the hell.
20:46Pour away, Rodney.
20:47Yes.
20:48That's the spirit.
20:49You don't make sense.
20:50You always leave your car outside.
20:53He better put his car in our garage, eh?
20:55Is it not safe outside?
20:56Well, not if you become attached to your wheels, it's not.
21:00So, here we go.
21:02No, excuse me.
21:06I'm just going to get another bottle of wine.
21:08So, why don't you all, um...
21:10You know, chapelle a dent.
21:13Right?
21:15So, Albert was in the Navy?
21:17Very much so.
21:18I was in the Royal Navy myself.
21:2012 years.
21:21First officer.
21:22You and Albert will have to have a chat.
21:23After we've gone home.
21:27It's going really well out there.
21:30Have to come and open another bottle of wine.
21:32What are you doing?
21:33I've made the coffee.
21:35What do you mean you've made the coffee?
21:37It's too early.
21:38Isn't it?
21:38They haven't finished their mains yet.
21:40It don't usually take us that long to finish our dinner, does it?
21:43No, I know that.
21:44That is because we're not golloping down a big mac and chips, are we?
21:48We've got guests.
21:50We're taking our time.
21:51We're savouring the food and the ambience.
21:53We're sipping the wine and we're conversing.
21:56I mean, out there, they're having a chat between each mouthful.
22:00It's sophisticated.
22:01It's civilised.
22:03See?
22:04Okay, don't worry.
22:06I'll whack this in the microwave.
22:10Oi, just a minute.
22:12What coffee did you make this with?
22:14That jar over there.
22:17This ain't coffee.
22:18Smell it.
22:18It's bloody gravy.
22:21Yeah, that's gravy.
22:23It's not my fault.
22:24It's in jar.
22:24Look at them.
22:25How am I supposed to tell the difference?
22:27I'll tell you how you tell the difference.
22:29This one has on the label, Maxwell House Coffee.
22:32And on this label, it says Oxo Gravy Granules.
22:36That's a bit of a giveaway, really, isn't it?
22:39Well, I was in an area and I got mixed up.
22:42I'll mix you up in a minute.
22:44Wait a minute.
22:45Wait a minute.
22:46If you've made gravy in the coffee,
22:49what's they pouring over their dinners in?
22:55This looks lovely, darling.
23:00All right.
23:02Wonderful.
23:04Musty.
23:09They're only doing it.
23:11They're only out there doing it now.
23:14Their only pouring maps will bleed now.
23:16So, whatever their land noise rates and begs.
23:21I don't believe you.
23:23Not only have you managed to sink every aircraft carrier and battleship that you've ever sailed on,
23:28but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat.
23:33What are we going to do?
23:35Well, I ain't having any of it.
23:37Hey.
23:40Not yet, darling.
23:41Wait for Daddy.
23:42So, how long were you in the Navy, Albert?
23:44Over 50 years, man and boy.
23:46Started in the merchant, went on to the royal, then back to the merchant.
23:50Amazing.
23:51You must have some stories to tell.
23:53Oh, God, yes.
23:55Sorry about that.
23:56I couldn't get the cork out of the wine.
24:00Del?
24:01No.
24:02No, thank you.
24:04I'm trying to give it up.
24:07Oh, yes, you'll have some.
24:09You know how you like your gravy, don't you?
24:20Shit.
24:23Are you a naval man, don't you?
24:25No.
24:26No, James.
24:26I'm more of a leg man myself.
24:32No, Dad meant, were you in the Navy?
24:36Oh, I see.
24:36No, I wasn't, actually, James.
24:38Though, when I was younger, I did consider a career in the services.
24:48This is horrible.
24:59I hope you won't be offended, darling, but I'm rather full up.
25:06No, no, come on.
25:07We've got afters to come, yeah?
25:08We've got Mandarin segments and instant whip.
25:10No.
25:12All right.
25:14Well, I'll fetch the coffee.
25:18Great.
25:24Ah, ahoy there, Jimbo.
25:26Morning, Derek.
25:28Rodney.
25:29How are you this morning?
25:30Oh, fine.
25:31Had a bit of a drippy tummy last night.
25:33Well, thanks for looking after the car.
25:35Ah, monge tu, monge tu, mon plageur.
25:37No, this is your Aladdin's cave I've heard so much about.
25:41Yes, yes, this is it.
25:42As I was saying, Jim, you know, you and I are in the same sort of business.
25:45I mean, you're an antiques dealer, and I've got some interesting things.
25:49Yeah.
25:50Well, my dad, long journey.
25:51You must come down and visit us sometime.
25:53Oh, yes, I will.
25:54You bet.
25:55Now, you mind how you go, eh?
25:57What's that?
25:59Um, it's a gas stove.
26:01No, I mean on top of it.
26:06Oh, that's just an old watch I got out of a house clearance years ago.
26:10I'll tell you what I have got.
26:11I've got some very nice shawaddy-waddy LPs.
26:19Good Lord.
26:20Hmm?
26:20Oh, I know.
26:21It's filthy, isn't it, eh?
26:22Er, Rodney, have you got any of that WD-40 there?
26:24We'll give you this thing and wrap up.
26:25No, I mean it has the name Harrison engraved in it.
26:28You can see there.
26:29Harrison, A.D. 1774.
26:33How did you come by this watch, Derek?
26:36Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago.
26:39It was this old girl down Deptford Way.
26:41She owned a pawn shop anyway.
26:43She died, right?
26:44She had no family, so they sold off the shop.
26:46And her landlord asked me to clear out her house.
26:49And I found that and a load of other rubbish up in the loft.
26:53Oh, is that any good, then?
26:55Good.
26:56John Harrison was just about the finest watchmaker of his time.
26:59Of any time.
27:02If this is what I'm beginning to think it is...
27:05God, I'm shaking.
27:06Why, you didn't have that much to drink last night, did you?
27:09Have you any proof that this watch is your property?
27:12A receipt, something like that?
27:14Oh, well, no, you see, don't keep receipts.
27:16They just cluttered a place up.
27:19Well, do you reckon that's worth something, then?
27:22Assuming it's not a copy, yes.
27:24Well done.
27:2516 years ago.
27:26That's when I started working for you.
27:28Yes, thank you, Rodney.
27:29Could we leave This Is Your Life to Michael Aspel?
27:32I meant I used to keep files, then.
27:35Hold on.
27:36Well done.
27:38You see, Derek, I've always been very keen on horology.
27:43I thought it was too good to be true.
27:45Now he's going to tell our bloody fortune.
27:49Horology.
27:50He's an expert in watches.
27:53Oh, that's all right.
27:55I've got it.
27:56I've got it.
27:57Receipt from the landlord, look.
27:59For two paintings, four jugs, one rocking chair, one silver fob watch engraved Harrison.
28:06Good boy, Rodders.
28:07What I've always told you, I've always said, always keep the receipts.
28:11I don't know how to come in handy.
28:13What have you written down here?
28:14Victoria?
28:14Here, thank you very much, Rodney.
28:15Here you are, Jimbo.
28:16This is marvellous.
28:16I've never been so excited.
28:18I bet Audrey had a blinding honeymoon, then.
28:24What exactly do you think it is?
28:25I'm almost too frightened to say it.
28:27To put it simply, back in the early 1700s, sea captains found it almost impossible to
28:33plot their positions once out of sight of land, until John Harrison invented the first
28:37accurate marine timekeeper to tell seafarers exactly where they were on the globe.
28:42He went on to make many of these instruments, and we know the whereabouts of all of them,
28:47except the last one, the lesser watch, as he called it.
28:50We have his designs for the piece, but the watch itself was never farmed.
28:53People have been searching for it for over 300 years.
28:57You don't think that's it, do you?
28:59If it is, Rodney.
29:01God.
29:03Don't they?
29:05Something nice to me now, right?
29:07Raquel's old man's been on the phone to us.
29:09Yeah, and he's shown it to some experts, and it's only kosher.
29:13What, this is the watch that's been missing for over 300 years?
29:15Yes, the Harrison Lesser Watch.
29:18So what is it?
29:24It's a watch.
29:26Yeah, but it's more than that.
29:28It lets you know exactly where you are anywhere in the world.
29:31How did it get lost, then?
29:37I don't know how it got lost.
29:39Well, I just did.
29:40Yeah, and if I hadn't realised its full value and rescued it, I mean, it could have ended up anywhere.
29:45Yeah, like chucked on top of an old gas cooker.
29:49Well, it's gonna be auction.
29:51That's right, it's afternoon.
29:522.30, it's other bits.
29:54Ooh!
29:56Ooh!
30:03So how much do you reckon it's worth, then?
30:05Well, you see, I don't know.
30:06Because nothing like this has ever come on the market before.
30:08It could be, what, ten grand?
30:09You're 15, 20, maybe?
30:12Well, on your way back from the auction, drop by my showrooms, I've got a lovely couple of Skodas at
30:17five grand.
30:20You won't be laughing like that when we come back to start a noon.
30:22So you two could be famous, then?
30:24Well, among watchmakers.
30:26Well, why not?
30:27You know, we discovered it.
30:29And as Andy Warhol said, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
30:32Well, how can everyone be famous for 15 minutes if there's not enough time in the world, is there?
30:38No, he didn't mean everyone would be famous.
30:41You know, he was just generalising upon modern society.
30:44You know, people become famous for a little while, then they disappear.
30:46Yeah, like Rennie and Renata, Simon Dee.
30:51Or Gandhi.
30:52Yeah!
30:54So, you see, maybe this time, it's hard to end it.
30:59Yeah.
31:00I mean, he made one great film and then he never saw anything.
31:09No, let's go, let's go.
31:21Twenty-two thousand.
31:25Twenty-four thousand.
31:28Twenty-eight.
31:29Thirty.
31:31Thirty-two.
31:34Thirty-five.
31:36Thirty-five thousand.
31:39Thirty-eight thousand.
31:43One more bid.
31:46Forty thousand.
31:48The bid is forty thousand pounds.
31:50Is that the house, Rodney?
31:51Don't be stupid.
31:53Forty-five thousand.
31:56Forty-five thousand.
31:58I'm selling at forty-five thousand.
32:00Sold at forty-five thousand.
32:03Paddle number six, seven, four.
32:06Now we come to lot seventy-three.
32:11A solid silver pocket marine timekeeper.
32:15This was found in London by two brothers.
32:18Unfortunately, they held on to the piece for sixteen years, believing it to be a Victorian egg-timer.
32:26As you may know, this is quite simply the most significant discovery in horological terms of this century.
32:33The watch has been authenticated and accepted by all the leading experts as being the last watch ever made by
32:38John Harrison.
32:39It is the fabled H6.
32:41The until now, mythical, lesser watch.
32:45I feel I need say no more.
32:47Well, I'd like to start the bidding at one hundred and fifty thousand pounds.
32:59Two hundred thousand.
33:02Two fifty.
33:05Oh, dear.
33:07He's winning, he said one hundred and fifty thousand, God.
33:09That's when I come over a real bad name.
33:12Who went on, dear?
33:13Two hundred thousand.
33:14Two fifty.
33:15Three.
33:16Huh?
33:16That's when I dragged you out.
33:17You mean it ended up at three hundred thousand pounds?
33:21It's still going on.
33:23Oh, come on, let's get back up here.
33:26Three and a quarter.
33:30The bid is in the room.
33:32Three and a half.
33:34Three hundred and fifty thousand quid!
33:39Three and three quarters.
33:43Four, thank you.
33:44Four, thank you.лом
33:45bid stands at four million pounds. Four,
33:56thank you. Four,
33:56Four and a
33:57half million pounds. Four million pounds.
34:02Four, thank you.
34:06Four, thank you.
34:19so what was the final outcome it was bought by an anonymous bidder he's giving it to the
34:26maritime museum at Greenwich so at least it stays in the country oh yeah well that's nice isn't it
34:33oh you wally was the final score what exactly did it go for oh
34:48six point two million so that's just over three million each
34:59well we've had worse days
35:05you want to go first or should i
35:10well you know why don't we go together yeah yeah all right one two three
35:36bring the family down there'll be a phone girl i'll take you next to it
35:43it's beautiful though isn't it brothers eh luxury and style very me
35:52yeah shall i
35:58no no no no no not until that check is cleared
36:01i've got a terrible feeling that this whole deal is going to go pear-shaped
36:05yeah we are dealing with sotheby's and the greenwich museum not ronnie and reggie
36:12well i mean if this goes tits up i'm landed with a 70 grand debt can i
36:16yeah i take your point yeah
36:19well go on in you sit in a nice car see if it suits you
36:23yeah all right then i will
36:26yes
36:34that rolls royce out here i want to buy it
36:39well that's a good one rodney tell me what drugs are you on this week
37:04there you go
37:06Shoes.
37:08You want the roller?
37:10Shoes.
37:12I just bought it for you.
37:17You bought this roller for me?
37:20Why?
37:22A little present.
37:24Just to say thanks.
37:55I just bought it for you.
38:04I just bought it for you.
38:46I just bought it for you.
39:09Yes, sir.
39:10What can I get you?
39:12Champagne all round.
39:20Oh, how are we going to lift our wallets at home again?
39:23Oh, please, sir.
39:25That is not a problem.
39:27On the slate, Mike?
39:30On the house, Del.
39:33No, no, no, no, no, Michael.
39:34We'll pay our way.
39:35And while we're at it, we'll have all your sandwiches.
39:38That's it?
39:38Right.
39:39Okay.
39:40Oh, that's all for some money.
39:41No, no, Rodney.
39:42I'll get the sandwiches, because you bought the rolls.
39:44Oh, that's all for some money.
39:49Oh, that's all for some money.
39:56Oh, that's all for some money.
40:00I'll light the fire.
40:02You place the flowers in the vase
40:09Today
40:13Staring at the fire
40:15For hours and hours
40:19While I listen to you
40:23Play your love songs
40:26All night long for me
40:32Only for me
40:38Come to me now
40:41And rest your head for just a while
40:45Everything is done
40:51Such a cozy room
40:54The windows are illuminated by me
40:59Even the sun shines through theум
41:05Sorry
41:10Oh
41:11Oh
41:17Our house is a very, very, very fine house
41:23With two dogs in the yard
41:25Life used to be so hard
41:29Now everything is easy because of you
42:03Our house is a very, very, very fine house
42:07With two dogs in the yard
42:10Life used to be so hard
42:14Now everything is easy because of you
42:25I'll light the fire
42:28You place the flowers in the vase
42:34That you bought today
43:26Now boy, it's time to get up at 7.30
43:31Yeah, all right, Mum
43:33It's your fault if you've got hungover
43:35You can't have today off
43:37You're taking your 11 plus
43:45I never raised the hand to your mother, Rodney
43:47Except in self-defense
43:57Your dad always said that one day
43:59Gelboy had reached the top
44:01There again he used to say that one day
44:03Millwall would win the cup
44:25All right?
44:29Yeah
44:30What are you doing here?
44:32Raquel phoned
44:33Said you'd gone missing
44:35I said wait for the ransom note to arrive
44:37But she said go and find him
44:39So
44:41I guess you'd be here
44:43Yeah, just taking one last look at the old place, Rodney
44:49Funny, isn't it?
44:49Just think of all them years, you know
44:51Us scrimping and scraping
44:54Going out in all hours
44:56Just trying to earn a few bobs
44:58So we could put a bit of grub on the table
45:00And all the time done in that garage
45:03We had this famous thing
45:05Worth six million quid
45:09Yeah, that had crossed my mind, I know
45:13Still
45:16Put a flat on the market yet?
45:18Hmm?
45:19No, not yet, no
45:21No, I just didn't have the heart to
45:24You know, when we think about
45:26Mum and Grandad
45:29Yeah, I'll do it in a couple of weeks, you know
45:32I'll give it to some estate agent
45:35You know, I'll let them have the carpet
45:38Yeah, they won't mind
45:44Yeah, talking about that
45:46I called in to the travel agents the other day
45:48Booked us all a holiday in Barbados
45:51It's all right, no, Mum
45:53My tree
45:54Nice
45:56Flying first class
45:58Concorde
45:59Ah, even better
46:05Shame about Albert's boat, wasn't it?
46:08Oh
46:12It's a stupid place to put a bridge, wouldn't it?
46:16I thought that, right over a river like that
46:22So, how are you?
46:23Me?
46:25Oh, yeah, I'm wonderful, aren't I, you know
46:28Everything's coming like roses, aren't I?
46:32Alright, what's wrong?
46:38I always wanted to be a millionaire, Rodney
46:40You know, I always wanted a Rolls Royce
46:44And big ass in the country
46:46And jet off to the Caribbean
46:48And all that
46:49We've got it
46:51I know
46:54But it's not like I thought it would be
46:57You know
46:59All the
47:01Dreaming and the scheming
47:02And the chasing and the trying
47:06That was the fun part, you know
47:08It was like
47:10It was dangerous
47:11It was
47:12It was impossible
47:14It was like
47:16Columbo sailing away to find America
47:23You know, and just not knowing whether he was going to fall off the edge of the world
47:30That's how I used to feel
47:33Well, you fell off a couple of times, didn't you?
47:37Once a month, bro
47:38Once a month, regular
47:41Now I've
47:42You know, now I've done it
47:43Now I've achieved what I wanted
47:48The chase
47:49You know, it's finished
47:52The hunt is over
47:56What am I going to do now?
47:58Learn to play golf
48:01Well, you've got the trousers for it, at least
48:05Why don't you just enjoy your retirement?
48:09Because I don't want to enjoy my retirement
48:13I want to feel like I used to feel, you know
48:16All eager and alive
48:19You know, I want something exciting to happen
48:26Dear, dear
48:27What are you doing?
48:28I thought you was a ghost, then
48:30He never did get the hang of this haunting lark, did he?
48:33What are you doing here?
48:35Well, never mind what us two are doing here
48:36What are you doing here?
48:37Well, I've just come back to pick up a few of my belongings
48:41I thought I'd have one last look at the flat
48:44Before you sell it
48:47Yeah, well, we've had a good look, eh?
48:50Come on, let's lock up and go
49:02I don't know
49:03Must have forgot to tell British Telecom, eh?
49:06That we'd gone
49:08Yeah, hello
49:10Who?
49:11Oh, hello, Lenny
49:12How are you doing, pal?
49:14All right?
49:15Lenny Norris
49:18You do what?
49:20Really?
49:21Hang on
49:23Listen, he's got 250 electronic carpet steamers, right?
49:28Now listen, they retail at 115 quid
49:31He's going to let us have them for 25, Nicker
49:35What the hell?
49:36We're not in the business anymore
49:39I know
49:40I thought we can double our money on this
49:44Derek, can you hear me over those trousers?
49:52We're not in the business anymore, mate
49:59Hello, Lenny
50:01No, we're not interested
50:05Trotter's Independent Traders
50:07Have ceased trading
50:11Bonjour
50:18Oh, well
50:20Tell you what
50:22Fancy going down to the Golden Dragon for a Chinese?
50:25Yeah
50:26I'm feeling a bit peckish now you mention it
50:28Yeah, I could do a sweet and sour something
50:31Yeah, all right
50:33I'll tell you what, Rodgers
50:34Let's leave the cars here, shall we?
50:36And, you know, just
50:37Just take a total
50:39Yeah, all right
50:43Mons June
50:46Mons June?
50:48What a fool I've been
50:50What's wrong now?
50:52Well, here I am thinking now we've got all this money
50:54You know, that spells like the end of it
50:56It don't, does it?
50:59It's like the beginning
51:01Because for the first time in our lives
51:03We have got money to invest
51:06No
51:07Oh, come on, Rodgers
51:09You remember all those years you used to say to me
51:11The old boy we should be investing
51:13No, no, I never said that
51:14Well, it must be me then
51:16I remember it was one of us got it right
51:17And now we can invest big time in the futures market
51:21Hey, we can get into Hong Kong
51:23Singapore
51:24Peking
51:24I don't want to invest
51:26All right
51:27Rodgers, have I ever let you down?
51:30Yes
51:31Well, a couple of years ago
51:33When you told me I'd won a holiday in a painting competition
51:36But forgot to mention that for the entire week
51:38I would have to pretend to be 14
51:41That's always been your problem, Rodney
51:44Always dwelling on the path
51:46Mum said to me on her deathbed
51:48Oi, now don't you start on about mum on her deathbed
51:50She did, she said to me on her deathbed
51:51She said to me, don't worry
51:52If ever you and little Rodney become rich
51:55You must invest in the futures market
51:57Are you a liar?
51:58Hmm?
51:58Because there wasn't a futures market when mum was alive
52:01Ah, no, but then there you go, see
52:02That shows you how visionary she was
52:05Come on, Rodney
52:06This is our big chance
52:07Aye
52:08He who dares wins
52:10This time next year we could be billionaires