- 21 hours ago
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00:00After 10 p.m., you are on a different level.
00:04Yeah.
00:06I think I've not only introduced her,
00:08but also watered the seed of curiosity for her.
00:13Lydia Zak just said you're naughty.
00:18The weight that I've put on in the last four and a half years,
00:21I'm in a place where I just feel not great.
00:25I don't even want to talk about it.
00:27Me and Tegan came to Montana to see Mariah.
00:32I'm noticing that Tegan's very standoffish from Ethan.
00:36I just have walls up, I guess.
00:38There's so much I want to say and do,
00:40but it can't all happen right now.
00:43I have to be patient.
01:02Look at that.
01:04That is so pretty.
01:06This is pretty.
01:08We've been here in Montana for a short while,
01:11and today we are riding buggies up the mountain.
01:15Wow, look at that valley out there.
01:18Where are they?
01:22Do you see them?
01:23Nope.
01:24Ethan and Tegan and Mariah are on the other boogie.
01:27Going very slow.
01:36Dang.
01:38Okay, I can't look.
01:40We're right on the ridge.
01:42I know, I can't.
01:43Yeah.
01:45Today is my last day here in Montana.
01:49My God, it's as bumpy as hell.
01:52And I'm not going to lie,
01:54I am definitely a little nervous.
01:56Not a big ATV kind of person,
01:59especially uphill or downhill.
02:01They're taking forever.
02:03No, they're just going like five miles an hour.
02:05I think Tegan was a little nervous,
02:07so he said he was going to go slow for her,
02:10and she might want to take pictures.
02:12I don't know.
02:13All right, they're out there.
02:14Let's go.
02:18All right, hit it just a little harder now
02:20because it's straight.
02:21If you're going to ride buggies,
02:22you might as well go faster than walking.
02:23That's the whole point of it.
02:25Look how slow he's going.
02:31I'm really happy and blessed
02:32that I can share moments like this with Kaelin
02:35because I almost couldn't.
02:37Just be careful.
02:38I know.
02:41I've asked Ethan to drive slow,
02:43and to my surprise, he actually did go slow,
02:46so I definitely really appreciate that.
02:48Woo!
02:50Woo!
02:53I'm going up here.
02:54Oh, it's so...
02:58Holy crap.
03:04Oh, I'm going to drive it.
03:07Wow, this is beautiful up here.
03:09I've got to get a picture of this.
03:12The view is absolutely beautiful.
03:15I know Isaac's very upset that there's no snow,
03:18but there are no views like this in Kaelin,
03:20no mountains, no nothing like that.
03:23I want to get a picture with you up here.
03:24Oh, okay.
03:25I'll think about it.
03:31I don't know why it is, but me and my siblings
03:33have just always loved climbing things.
03:36Hey, Mariah.
03:37Isaac, I don't want to get up there.
03:39It's a lot of climbing.
03:41I don't think I can climb up onto that big rock.
03:46One of my favorite things in the world is being high.
03:50Do you want to rephrase that?
03:52I'll rephrase that.
03:57Holy s***.
03:59There's just so much to see.
04:01I found my place, and I'm just glad that they get to see that,
04:04and they get to see a little bit of how far I've came.
04:07You know?
04:09Isaac!
04:10Yeah?
04:11I'm the queen of this dump!
04:16Wow.
04:17Dang.
04:22It's Tegan's last day in Montana with us,
04:24and it's really beautiful.
04:27Just had to see her go,
04:28and given our history,
04:31she doesn't trust me yet.
04:33It's going to take a long time for her to feel confident
04:36that I will always be there for her.
04:40Will you take a picture of me for my mom?
04:42Yeah.
04:44Well, so stand over here,
04:45and I'll stand over here.
04:46But make sure I look good.
04:48Tegan has explained to me multiple times
04:51that in the past,
04:52she did make all the effort,
04:54and even in the little things,
04:56like remembering to take pictures,
04:58Tegan would always bring those disposable cameras
05:01to take pictures of us.
05:03I never did that.
05:05You're so close.
05:06Back up.
05:09And then do a .5.
05:11Do you know what I mean?
05:12Yeah.
05:16You're so cute.
05:17Okay.
05:18Tegan, could me and you get a picture together?
05:21For what?
05:24It annoys me that he's asking to take a picture,
05:28given that he never has before,
05:31because that's like a couple thing,
05:34and I know that's probably how he means it.
05:36And for a long time there in our relationship,
05:39Ethan would just say or do things just to get by.
05:42And so I don't know if he means any of it.
05:52I don't like you behind me.
05:54You're so close.
05:55Like, you're rushing me.
05:57You can take your time.
05:58I'm just following you.
06:00It's heavy for me to realize that my own shortcomings and faults of myself put that much hurt on someone
06:09that I love and care for so much.
06:12But I just hope that I have the opportunity to love her like she deserves to be loved and be
06:19there for her.
06:20You go down first so that if I fall, I fall on you.
06:22Okay.
06:23Yeah, obviously hope to work it out,
06:25but it'll just take time and work and patience and try to meet her where she's at.
06:47Oh, God, this smells so good.
06:48I know.
06:50What do you think you're going to get ready for this?
06:51I have an idea.
06:52I think I might want something seasonal.
06:54Me too.
06:55I'm going to do the Polar Express hot chocolate.
06:58This morning I'm grabbing coffee with Mariah.
07:01Per and I are really good friends.
07:03You know, she was bridesmaid, so pretty close.
07:05She's always been there for me,
07:06and I just love any time we get a chance to hang out and catch up.
07:09All right, guys.
07:11It was that Polar Express hot chocolate and those Teresa tots.
07:14I'll be right back with that last drink.
07:15Wow.
07:16Okay, thank you.
07:17Mariah was kind of just a godsend early on.
07:20We met literally at the altar at church during worship,
07:24and we've been best friends ever since.
07:27So how have you been?
07:29I've been really great.
07:30Enjoying marriage, discovering marriage.
07:33When you say discovering marriage, what's on your mind when you say that?
07:37I'm not married yet, so I don't know.
07:40Oh, man.
07:41I mean, at the beginning, the first thing we had to really work through
07:45was just everything that happened with the family.
07:47I didn't know how much I, like, just shut down
07:51when things get tense or there's confrontation or just,
07:55I just, I've always just avoided.
07:57I've always avoided at all costs.
07:59And Zach is the opposite of an avoider.
08:03Zach is a hundred percent off it.
08:04He is very comfortable with kind confrontation,
08:08and I feel like that's a really good balance for both of you.
08:11Yeah.
08:12So I know, I mean, obviously you guys saved your first kiss,
08:14and obviously you saved the first time you guys had sex until your wedding night.
08:17If you don't mind me asking, like, how was that?
08:20Like, what was that like?
08:21Oh.
08:22Zach has told me leading up to the wedding, he was like,
08:25you know, when it comes to sex, when it comes to intimacy,
08:28like, I want you to let me know when you're ready.
08:33He was like, if you want to wait a week, you know,
08:36enjoy a week of kissing and making out and warming up to each other
08:38before we, you know, do anything else.
08:40He's like, I'm here to serve you.
08:43And so, yeah, he just really created a safe place.
08:47And no, we didn't wait a week.
08:50I literally love that so much.
08:55What does sex and intimacy in a marriage mean to you specifically,
08:59and why is it important?
09:02Okay, I'm going to put the banana down.
09:04I have no idea what you just said.
09:06I'm just like, I'll put the banana down.
09:09I don't want to disclose what our wedding night looks like,
09:12but it was so beautiful.
09:13It was just so perfect and so God-centered and so just honoring.
09:17I love that.
09:18There's definitely a side of me that no one has ever seen
09:21or I never imagined was there,
09:23but it's for Zach only, and it's awesome.
09:29You just did that.
09:31I'm sorry.
09:32You did that deliberately, Lydia.
09:35I feel it.
09:36Yes, you did.
09:37I know.
09:38I see that side of you.
09:42You don't see nothing.
09:46When you bring it in too early,
09:49it can kind of shade your vision and your discernment.
09:53Yeah.
09:54Living in the world, having sex before marriage,
09:56living with men,
09:57I saw that no good fruit came from that.
10:00Like, the Lord redeems everything, especially that.
10:06Amen.
10:08There's just such a beauty in sex and intimacy with your spouse
10:13that's like, it just breeds so much deeper connection, joy, love.
10:21It's literally life-giving, like, literally, but it also is life-giving as a couple.
10:26Like, it does bring life into the world, but it also brings life into your marriage.
10:31What was it like to, like, learn how to be comfortable in your own body and, like, be naked in
10:39front of somebody else?
10:40I wouldn't even change it in front of my sisters until I was, like, 17.
10:44That was honestly something that surprised both of us,
10:48was just how comfortable we were with each other from day one.
10:51That's cool.
10:52So, I saw her open up so much.
10:56I saw her learn to use her voice more.
10:58I saw her learn to express her emotions more.
11:01I think that her friends and her people around her have fostered such a safe space,
11:05and so she feels comfortable to step into that more
11:08and to share some more of those things about herself.
11:11Are you guys trying to have a baby?
11:13Are you trying to not have a baby right now?
11:16Yeah.
11:17I mean, we're coming up on the year mark in a few months.
11:21I can't wait for the day.
11:23I'm seeing all the babies at church this morning.
11:25I know.
11:25There are so many babies at church.
11:27But this time of just Zach and I is also priceless.
11:31You're right.
11:31And we want to just enjoy every moment, like our first Christmas together.
11:35But every time Zach sees a baby, too, he points it out.
11:38Oh, yeah.
11:38It's like you both have baby fever.
11:40I for sure thought y'all were going to get pregnant on your honeymoon.
11:45You seem distant, and I can tell that you're not attracted to me.
11:49I want to see her get healthier.
11:51I want her to be around for a long time.
11:54I'm not seeing the progress that I thought I would see.
11:59I'm on a coffee date with my mom.
12:01I don't think he's the type that's going to just give up.
12:06Obviously, his end goal is to win her back, as it were.
12:09So, it's our choice to create a bit of a boundary there.
12:19Woo-hoo!
12:21Guys!
12:22Can you see me?
12:23That is scary.
12:24I don't know why it's so scary to look at.
12:26I'm high as a kite.
12:28A little higher than a kite up here.
12:32Thanks for inviting me.
12:33It's so beautiful out here.
12:34Oh, you're very welcome.
12:35Thank you for coming.
12:37I'm really glad you did.
12:39I'm happy I came.
12:42Ethan and Tegan, come on!
12:44I want to go climb that rock, so...
12:48Okay.
12:48Okay.
12:49Are you going to come with?
12:52Hmm?
12:53What?
12:54I asked if you were going to come with.
12:55Oh, yeah.
12:55I didn't hear you.
12:56Sorry.
12:57When Ethan and I were together, he would sort of leave me, both physically, and he'd also
13:07like emotionally do that too, just leaving during a time of need.
13:12As a mom, you definitely feel protected of your children, and letting anybody into their
13:18life is a privilege that should be earned.
13:20And so, I feel absolutely no rush at all to trust him again and let him back in.
13:32All right, I'll stay here in case you fall.
13:35I'll catch you.
13:36The trip has been really fun.
13:38I just love that they now get to see just a glimpse of my life.
13:44Just a tiny little glimpse.
13:47It's literally just like this sliver, like that much, of why I will never go home.
13:54We're trying.
13:55Here, we go like that.
13:56You already?
13:59I think I might move here.
14:01That's what I wanted to hear.
14:03Well, if there's a good flight school out here and there's some good farmland, that's
14:06about all I'd need.
14:07Well, just think about it.
14:08We don't have to make any decisions right now.
14:10I'm still enjoying my peace and quiet.
14:12I wouldn't move here.
14:14I would like to have a little cabin here to come visit whenever I'm able to, but I feel
14:19like it did us some good, and our communication has been a lot better than it ever was, and
14:25everything else has turned out really good, too.
14:28I love this.
14:29Yeah, I love this.
14:30We go fast.
14:33If I'm going too fast, let me know.
14:36I wish I could have spent more time with you, but...
14:39Yeah.
14:40I mean, any time we really did spend together, you were really quiet.
14:44I've forgiven him, because if I had been, I wouldn't be here.
14:47So I sort of wish he would just forgive himself.
14:50Sometimes I feel like he's not in the present, because he's so focused on the past.
14:54I mean, as of right now, we don't have plans to even see each other again, so, like, why
14:57not be present, you know, and enjoy the time you have now.
15:02Damn, Ethan.
15:04I don't know why I give myself a harder time than maybe I should when I feel like I'm messed
15:10up or let somebody down.
15:11I give myself a harder time than even they give me.
15:16And a lot of my siblings, like, when they commit to something, like, a lot of us don't quit
15:22when you normally would, like, and that could be a good thing, but it would also be a bad
15:26thing where you, like, stay way longer than you should.
15:28I really wish we could have spent more time together, but at least we're still friends,
15:34and at least she came, you know, and maybe it would be a little stepping stone towards
15:39being able to spend more time with each other in the future.
15:46You're not making any plans to talk or hang out or do anything.
15:50Yeah, I don't feel like any of that's my job.
15:52It's anything.
15:53Bye, Isaac.
15:54So, I'm not making any plans.
15:56Our whole relationship was me doing the traveling, making the plans, doing everything, so that's
16:02it's not my job anymore.
16:20One thing I really want to do is get the barn completely done and start working on some fun
16:26stuff, but also need the energy to do it.
16:30Yeah, yeah.
16:32Kim and I have been together for the last three years, off and on, mostly on.
16:39It feels more like we're settled in, like we're finding our place on the farm together.
16:46I do feel like this is home.
16:48Yeah.
16:49It took a little while for me to feel like that because I feel more welcome.
16:53This is the last place I want to live.
16:57I want to be with you forever.
17:01Me too.
17:03And that's why there are some concerns that I have.
17:11Some of my concerns and worries have to do with commitment.
17:18I want to know that we're both going to be here for the rest of our lives, that we're both
17:23going to be healthy, and we're both going to be happy.
17:28You told me that you were going to work on certain things, and I'm not seeing the progress
17:36that I thought I would see.
17:43I've been pushing for a little while now for Kim to start exercising, just start eating
17:49better to try to get a little healthier.
17:51I want her to be around for a long time for me and for the kids, but I feel like
17:57she just
17:58kind of put the getting healthy on the back burner.
18:02I'm not seeing any changes, and it's starting to get frustrating.
18:12It's been a little bit daunting, you know, being in my 50s and trying to lose weight.
18:18I mean, it's not as easy as it was in my 20s or even in my 30s.
18:26I'm trying to work out more, and I don't know, there's days where it's just really hard to
18:32work in something, you know.
18:36To me, sometimes it seems like things happen, but you also use it as an excuse not to exercise.
18:51I've looked back and seen where you haven't really tried or hadn't really put the effort
18:56in.
18:57I really love Kim, and I want to see her get healthier, but I think it could potentially
19:05be a deal breaker if she is not going to commit to her health.
19:08It makes me wonder, is she committed to me?
19:14To me, that would tell me that you don't care enough about me and you to put in the extra
19:21effort.
19:22It's hard to commit 100% until I know that you're 100% committed, and not just from you
19:30telling me by seeing it.
19:33I don't really like that it's a deal breaker for him.
19:37I mean, I feel like he's giving me an ultimatum.
19:39I do worry about the future of our relationship when I hear him say things like that.
19:55It's hard to commit 100% until I know that you're 100% committed by getting more healthy
20:03and not just from you telling me by seeing it.
20:11It really hurts to know that Ken thinks that because I'm not losing weight, you know, fast
20:18enough for him that I'm not committed to our relationship because I'm absolutely committed
20:23to him and our relationship.
20:25I feel like I have been trying, and I just, it's a little discouraging because I know that
20:31I've been trying.
20:32I'm thinking of days like where all three cats got fixed and I had to make two trips into
20:38Tallahassee.
20:40And I have a lot of days like that.
20:42I'm not talking about isolated incidents where it's one or two days.
20:46I'm talking about where the exercise room has been empty for a week and you haven't been
20:52in there for two weeks.
20:54Well, yeah.
20:58But I do love you.
20:59I wouldn't, I wouldn't be here if I weren't.
21:03I know.
21:04I wouldn't have moved everything that I own here.
21:08And this is where I want to be.
21:10I want to be with you forever.
21:14But I want that forever to be more than five years because one of us has diabetes or we're
21:20bedridden.
21:22Yeah.
21:24Ken has been with me through the last few years and he's seen all of the stuff that I've
21:30been through with trying to wrap up this divorce.
21:34That stress has been really hard.
21:36Sometimes I would just stress over money all day long and then in the evenings have a glass
21:42of wine and just kind of wind down and go to bed.
21:45And I know that that's not healthy.
21:47That's not going to help me to, you know, shed lots of pounds.
21:52It does mean a lot to me to hear you say, you know, that you're committed to us because
22:01sometimes you seem distant and I wonder if it's me and I can tell that you're not attracted
22:08to me like I am and that's hard and that makes me sad and then that doesn't help me get
22:17all energized about working out.
22:19If I weren't in the picture and you were just doing this for your kids, wouldn't that be enough?
22:27Yeah.
22:28Because I'm sure that they want you to get around for a long time.
22:32I'm glad Ken and I are having this conversation.
22:35I'm glad that Ken's honest with me and I want to lose weight either way, whether he's in the picture
22:40or not.
22:42Learning how to take care of yourself and love yourself is a process.
22:48I'm trying to learn how to do what's best for me, but I still have a ways to go.
22:55You know, I told you when we got back together this last time that I'm in it for the long
23:01haul.
23:01I mean, this is it.
23:02You know, you're, I love you.
23:04You're my best friend and you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
23:10What do you need?
23:11Tell me what you need for me to help you.
23:14I don't want to push, but if you need me to push, I'll push.
23:17Well, I guess we just come up with a plan and then work on it.
23:24I mean, I work on it.
23:26Do it.
23:26Yeah.
23:27Stick with it.
23:29And there's going to be days where you're not going to feel like it and I'm not going to feel
23:34like it.
23:34Yeah.
23:35And that's what I want is for you to push me and for me to push you.
23:39This isn't a good position to be in because I do love Kim and I really, my heart will be
23:45broken if Kim and I don't end up together.
23:49I really hope that she will just commit herself to doing what she's told me that she's going to do
23:55for the last few years.
23:56I want one of our long-term goals for within the next couple of years for both of us to
24:02be in good health and I want to one day see us married and I want us to look good
24:10when we walk down the aisle.
24:11Yeah.
24:15That sounds really good.
24:17If Ken asked me to marry him, I would gladly say yes.
24:21But I'm going to keep trying to lose weight.
24:23I'm going to keep trying to make good food choices and trying to get exercise every day for me and
24:30for my girls.
24:31And for Ken, if he'll stick around.
24:34Deal.
24:34Yeah, deal.
24:36I guess I'll go for a walk.
24:40I'll go with you, Phil.
24:42I love you.
24:43I love you, too.
24:51But one day I still want a real proposal.
24:54Okay.
25:04All righty, you folks, here we go.
25:06Oh, awesome.
25:06There's a couple of good chocolates.
25:07Awesome.
25:08And an Irish coffee.
25:10Can I get you an issue?
25:11Hey, Ishi.
25:11Do you want anything to drink?
25:13I'll take a coffee.
25:14Coffee?
25:15Just plain?
25:15Yeah.
25:16You bet.
25:17I'm the only bad one here.
25:19And now I feel bad.
25:20It looks like coffee.
25:21I got Irish coffee.
25:25Did Tegan make her a flight?
25:28I think so.
25:36All righty, here's that coffee for you.
25:44What vibes are you picking up?
25:45You think it's going well for them?
25:49I'm not technically sure what the vibe is.
26:01What are you thinking?
26:04Anything changed from the start of the trip till now between y'all, or is it still the same?
26:10Oh, I don't know.
26:13Yeah.
26:14Sometimes you don't.
26:15I just take it day by day.
26:17Yeah.
26:24Yeah.
26:27Here we go.
26:28That's good.
26:29Good advice.
26:53Just saying I wanted more whipped cream in this.
26:55No, that was definitely enough whipped cream.
26:57I like whipped cream.
26:59I do tear if it's used properly.
27:02You should take the whipped cream off and save it.
27:04It hurts as well.
27:05How is it?
27:07I did not need to hear that.
27:14I honestly wish that we could just, like, drag Ethan down, throw him in the river, give
27:18him a good cold plunge.
27:21You want to help?
27:22No.
27:25But it would give him something else to focus on.
27:29How did you guys like spending time with Tegan?
27:33I think it was fun.
27:34I think we all had a good time.
27:36Me and Mariah, we've talked to her some, and we had a good time.
27:40Yeah.
27:41But I feel like, you know, overall, like, I could tell that she was, like, more, I don't
27:46know.
27:47Like, she wanted to be by herself a little bit.
27:50Yeah.
27:50I don't know which part of her reservations is, like, because of me and her and her coming
27:59back and seeing you guys, or if it's, like...
28:00Surface level stuff.
28:02Yeah.
28:02Yeah.
28:03It's hard to tell.
28:05Maybe just see, like, whenever you get back to Wisconsin, see how things are then, if anything's
28:11changed.
28:12Yeah.
28:14When I go back to Wisconsin, I'm going to go to work.
28:18So I'm looking forward to that.
28:20And it looks like I'll be able to move into my house on the first of the year.
28:26As far as me and Tegan, you know, I'm hoping that after this, there's, like, maybe more
28:31communication, or maybe we could go do some things together or something.
28:36Like, you know, still give her, you know, space if she's asking for space or whatever.
28:41But do try and maybe just show up for her in the ways that you know she needs, that you
28:56need to be able to do some of the things that you need to do some of the things that
29:03he isn't
29:03going to be able to fix.
29:07Hey, at least you know you can also always come to Montana any time you want and see
29:12me if you just need a reset.
29:16I think the hardest part is saying bye to Ethan, because I know he's got to go back to
29:21Wisconsin where he's by himself, not knowing how things are going to go.
29:27And I hope that Ethan doesn't spend Christmas alone.
29:33Well, cheers to Montana.
29:35Cheers to you guys, and thank you for coming out and seeing me.
29:39And cheers to coming back soon.
29:45Ethan just moved to Wisconsin and spent Christmas Day in his car, waiting and hoping for Tegan to
29:54show up.
29:54If there's any hope in them repairing their relationship, they would be together on Christmas Day.
30:08Oh, it's been so long, it's been so long without you.
30:17When I wrote this song, instead of moving on, believe me, I tried.
30:21But there's no one else in this world for me.
30:24The truth is, if you take me back, I'm the luckiest man in life.
30:29This is nice.
30:32Today, I'm on a coffee date with my mom.
30:35My mom's been there for everything.
30:38Highs, lows, bottoming out, mountain peaks, everything.
30:41Oh, my gosh.
30:42Let's try.
30:43Thank you so much.
30:44Are you waiting on anything else?
30:45No, we're good.
30:47She definitely helped me through a lot of this in more ways than I could ever think before.
30:51You had your big trip.
30:52What was that?
30:54It was fine.
30:55I got to see Isaac, Kalen, and Mariah again, and that was nice.
30:59It just, like, picked up where we left off, essentially.
31:02I sort of felt bad, because when we were there, I felt like Ethan was really, like, emotional.
31:07But you know how he is.
31:08He, like, internalizes it and sort of shuts down.
31:10Yeah.
31:11So just, like, navigating that was a little hard, especially because I don't know exactly how I feel.
31:18I'm glad I went to Montana.
31:20I had fun.
31:21I think it did more good than anything else.
31:26You know, to open a can of worms of being friends, which I don't think would have happened if I
31:30didn't go.
31:32As of right now, I guess you could say I have sort of friendzoned him for the time being.
31:38Where it goes in the future, I don't know yet.
31:41When he came back, did he reach out?
31:44Obviously a big surprise, him just kind of showing up and saying, I'm here.
31:49We met Ethan, we welcomed him into our home many times.
31:53He was kind to us, he was nice to us, and certainly to him as well.
31:58I think she was shocked, and I was too, that he was, like, surprised I live here.
32:03That was a big shock.
32:05If he wants to try to heal and mend a friendship first, that she's open to that.
32:11But the impression I get is that, I mean, obviously his end goal is to win her back, as it
32:16were, and finding that middle ground, I think, has been tricky.
32:20He'll, like, text me sometimes, but we don't, like, talk on the phone, or obviously, you know, we don't see
32:25each other.
32:26I knew he was going to be alone on Christmas, and he doesn't have any family here in Wisconsin, so
32:31we obviously made the choice to offer him, you know, Christmas dinner.
32:36I asked if he had any plans for Christmas, and he said no.
32:41Obviously, growing up, Christmas is a big thing.
32:43My parents raised me that no one should be alone on Christmas, you know, and so I talked to my
32:47parents.
32:48No offense to him, I didn't want him in the house by any means, but, like, how can we, like,
32:52extend the Christmas spirit?
32:53So, we just made him a plate of food for Christmas, and he came over, I handed him the food,
33:01and then he left.
33:03You know, so he felt like he had some sort of community on such a big day.
33:10At Christmas, we didn't invite him over or anything.
33:13We knew he was in the area.
33:15I wasn't personally entirely sure where he was staying.
33:19Definitely, we want the best for him.
33:20However, their relationship is kind of all over the place and up in the air.
33:26Tegan was hurt.
33:26She was devastated, needless to say, and we had Tegan's child at home, too, so it's our choice to create
33:35a bit of a boundary there.
33:36That was just the right thing to do.
33:39Yeah.
33:40So, that was the last time and the only time I saw him in between Montana and now.
34:01I'm on a road trip right now.
34:03It was a little bit unexpected, but Ethan just moved to Wisconsin, and he...
34:12I don't know.
34:13He didn't sound like he's doing all that great, and I just wanted to check in on him and see
34:20how he's doing and maybe bring some things to help him get settled into his new house.
34:26Christmas Day, it was amazing.
34:29It was a really great day.
34:30And then Ethan calls, and we're talking to him.
34:33He's on speakerphone, so we can all hear him.
34:35He was just really bummed out.
34:37He sounded really depressed.
34:39He spent the day in his car at a park waiting and hoping for Tegan to show up so they
34:48could spend some time together.
34:51And apparently, Tegan brought him leftovers from their Christmas dinner and just, I don't know if she dropped it off
35:01or what, but it was just real quick, here's some leftovers, and then she left.
35:09It worries me.
35:10If there's any hope in them repairing their relationship, they would be together on Christmas Day.
35:18To me, it kind of feels like a red flag.
35:31So, he's here.
35:33Do you think there's a world in which he can just be friends?
35:37I think I could.
35:38I don't know if he could.
35:41He's definitely doing a lot of things that I asked him to do when we were together, and so it
35:45sort of sucks that it's happening now.
35:47When we were together and dating, and I was in love with him, I did ask him to move here
35:52multiple times.
35:53You just said when you were in love with him.
35:55Yes.
35:56Are you not in love with him anymore?
35:57No, we're not together.
35:58I would say I'm not in love with Ethan.
35:59I have love for him.
36:01Like, as a person, I care about his well-being, but I'm not in love with him, no.
36:05People make mistakes, but it's your life.
36:07And I just want you to do what's best for you, what makes sense for you.
36:13Last year, I was, like, head over heels in love with this man.
36:17Fully thought I was going to marry him.
36:19Like, I've never been so sure about something in my life.
36:21But right now, I look at him, I feel this, like, flood of emotions, like, all emotions, like, sad about,
36:29like, what could have been or should have been.
36:31You know, obviously, mad is also in there, like, thinking about all the hurt.
36:35I don't mean to be mean to him ever, but I think it comes out of a place of trying
36:39to, like, protect myself and give myself time to think about where I'm at and process it all.
36:45I don't think he's the type that's going to just give up, but there's a little bit more complexity involved
36:54here.
36:55So this isn't just, like, I'm sorry, here's a rose.
36:59It's probably going to take some deeper work.
37:02I think what he struggles most with is, like, forgiving himself.
37:07Like, when we were in Montana, like, he's like, I just, I feel so bad.
37:10I don't know, you know.
37:12That struck me as well, that he is very internalized.
37:18Yeah.
37:19And he might not show on the surface a lot of emotion, but there's a lot of emotion going on.
37:26And, you know, he's got a lot of healing to do, I think.
37:31Ethan strikes me as the type of person who questions his own worthiness of being loved, truly.
37:38And I think sometimes demonstrations of love maybe overwhelm him.
37:44And I think if you feel unworthy of something, you don't know how to accept it, you're not ready for
37:49it.
37:50It's very difficult to be in a relationship with somebody who's not in touch with who they are.
37:57My advice to Ethan, if he were to ask me, I'd probably say, you have to work on you.
38:03Not to say he's broken, per se, but he does need to heal.
38:07As a young person, leaving your parents' home and jumping into a marriage,
38:11he didn't have time to figure out who is Ethan Plath.
38:15He invited me to go see his house that he's renting.
38:20Well, I hope that goes well for you.
38:22It's a lot to navigate for you.
38:24It's a lot to navigate for him, too, I'm sure.
38:28I don't write anything off in life like what is meant to be, will be.
38:33So is there some world where I do fall back in love with him or we fall in love with
38:38each other?
38:38Yeah, definitely, that's a possibility.
38:41I feel like I'm here for the ride.
38:43Like, I'm not going to close any doors one way or another.
38:46But I'm not going to, like, be like, oh, you moved here, let's get back together.
38:53Day by day.
38:54Yeah, exactly, day by day.
39:07I am driving right now through the middle of nowhere, Wisconsin.
39:11I'm just worried that past relationships may have really scarred Ethan in ways that make it, I don't know.
39:22I just don't know where he's at right now.
39:24I don't know where his head is at.
39:26I don't even know if me visiting him I'll be able to tell because he can be really hard to
39:32draw information out of.
39:36I feel like everybody is kind of looking out for Ethan right now because he's just been through a really
39:41hard marriage.
39:43And coming out the other side, we all feel like he's probably kind of vulnerable.
39:48And he's done that before where, you know, as a last ditch effort to save a relationship, you know, moved
39:54across the country thinking that that would help or make things better.
39:59And it didn't.
40:02With Tegan, it's got to be hard that Ethan did whatever he did.
40:09I know some of, but I'm probably sure I don't know all of it.
40:12I'm also sure it's really hard for Tegan with Ethan, his divorce not being final yet.
40:21And I understand that she's having a hard time with Ethan right now, but I got to say, I wouldn't
40:29mind sitting down and talking with Tegan and just finding out what's up.
40:36Hey, maybe there'll come a future day where, you know, I have a date and then we can come here.
40:42Yeah.
40:43You don't realize you're in the presence of the Plath deck.
40:47Oh, dear.
40:49I will never call you that.
40:55Ethan Plath.
40:56I haven't spent any time with Ethan since Montana.
41:00Can I get a tour?
41:01Sure.
41:01I'm excited to see his house.
41:03So I feel like that's a good first start.
41:07I get to Ethan's and Tegan is here and it just feels a little bit awkward, assuming you guys are
41:14friends and just friends.
41:16I'd say maybe like a step under that at the moment.
41:19I don't know if all of this is helping him.