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00:00After 10 p.m. you are on a different level.
00:04Yeah.
00:06I think I've not only introduced her, but also watered the seed of curiosity for her.
00:13Lydia Zak just said you're naughty.
00:18The weight that I've put on in the last four and a half years, I'm at a place where I
00:23just feel not great.
00:25I don't even want to talk about it.
00:28Me and Tegan came to Montana to see Mariah.
00:32I'm noticing that Tegan's very standoffish from Ethan.
00:36I just have walls up, I guess.
00:39There's so much I want to say and do, but it can't all happen right now.
00:43I have to be patient.
01:03Look at that.
01:04That is so pretty.
01:07This is pretty.
01:08We've been here in Montana for a short while.
01:11And today we are riding boogies up the mountain.
01:15Wow, look at that valley out there.
01:18Where are they?
01:22Do you see them?
01:24Nope.
01:24Ethan and Tegan and Mariah are on the other boogie.
01:27Going very slow.
01:37Dang!
01:38Okay, I can't look.
01:40We're right on the ridge.
01:42I know, I can't.
01:43Yeah.
01:45Today's my last day here in Montana.
01:49My God, this is bumpy as hell.
01:53And I'm not going to lie, I am definitely a little nervous.
01:56Not a big ATV kind of person, especially uphill or downhill.
02:01They're taking forever.
02:03No, they're just going like five miles an hour.
02:05I think Tegan was a little nervous, so he said he was going to go slow for her.
02:11And she might want to take pictures.
02:12I don't know.
02:13All right, they're right there.
02:14Let's go.
02:18All right, hit it just a little harder now because it's straight.
02:21If you're going to ride boogies, you might as well go faster than walking.
02:24That's the whole point of it.
02:25Look how slow he's going.
02:31I'm really happy and blessed that I can share moments like this with Kaelin because I almost
02:36couldn't.
02:37Just be careful.
02:38I know.
02:41I've asked Ethan to drive slow, and to my surprise, he actually did go slow, so I definitely really
02:47appreciate that.
02:48Woo!
02:50Woo!
02:53I'm going up here.
02:54Oh, it's slow.
02:58Holy crap.
03:00Woo!
03:05Oh, I want to drive it.
03:07Wow, this is beautiful up here.
03:09I've got to get a picture of this.
03:12The view is absolutely beautiful.
03:15I know Isaac's very upset that there's no snow, but there are no views like this in Kaelin.
03:21There are no mountains, no nothing like that.
03:23I want to get a picture with you up here.
03:24Oh, okay, I'll think about it.
03:31I don't know why it is, but me and my siblings have just always loved climbing things.
03:36Hey, Mariah.
03:37Oh, Isaac, I want to get up there.
03:39It's a lot of climbing.
03:41I don't think I can climb up onto that big rock.
03:46One of my favorite things in the world is being high.
03:51You want to rephrase that?
03:52I'll rephrase that.
03:57Holy s***.
03:59There's just so much to see.
04:01I found my place, and I'm just glad that they get to see that, and they get to see a
04:05little
04:05bit of how far I've came.
04:06You know?
04:09Isaac!
04:10Yeah?
04:11I'm the queen of this dump!
04:16Wow.
04:17Dang.
04:22It's Tegan's last day in Montana with us, and it's really beautiful.
04:27Just had to see her go, and given our history, she doesn't trust me yet.
04:33It's going to take a long time for her to feel confident that I will always be there for
04:37her.
04:40Will you take a picture of me for my mom?
04:42Yeah.
04:44Well, so stand over here, and I'll stand over here, and make sure I look good.
04:48Tegan has explained to me multiple times that in the past, she did make all the effort,
04:54and even in the little things, like remembering to take pictures, Tegan would always bring those
05:01disposable cameras to take pictures of us.
05:03I never did that.
05:05You're so close.
05:07Wake up.
05:09And then do a .5.
05:11Do you know what I mean?
05:13Yeah.
05:16You're so cute.
05:17Okay.
05:18Tegan, could me and you get a picture together?
05:21For what?
05:25It annoys me that he's asking to take a picture, given that he never has before, because that's
05:32like a couple thing, and I know that's probably how he means it.
05:36And for a long time there in our relationship, Ethan would just say or do things just to get
05:41by, and so, but I don't know if he means any of it.
05:53I don't like you behind me.
05:54You're so close.
05:55Wake up.
05:56You're rushing me.
05:57No, you can take your time.
05:58I'm just following you.
06:01It's heavy for me to realize that my own shortcomings and faults of myself put that much hurt on
06:09someone that I love and care for so much.
06:12But I just hope that I have the opportunity to love her like she deserves to be loved and be
06:19there for her.
06:20You go down first so that if I fall, I fall on you.
06:22Okay.
06:23And I, you know, obviously hope to work it out, but it'll just take time and work and patience
06:29and try to meet her where she's at.
06:47Oh, God, this feels so good.
06:48I know.
06:50What do you think you're going to get ready for this?
06:51I have an idea.
06:52I think I might want something seasonal.
06:54Me too.
06:55I'm going to do the Polar Express hot chocolate.
06:59This morning, I'm grabbing coffee with Mariah.
07:01Her and I are really good friends.
07:03You know, she was a bridesmaid, so pretty close.
07:05She's always been there for me, and I just love any time we get a chance to hang out and
07:09catch up.
07:10All right, guys.
07:11Ooh.
07:11It was that Polar Express hot chocolate and those Teresa tots.
07:14I'll be right back with that last drink.
07:16Wow.
07:16Okay, thank you.
07:16Wow.
07:18Mariah was kind of just a godsend.
07:20Early on, we met literally at the altar at church during worship, and we've been best friends ever since.
07:27So, how have you been?
07:29I've been really great.
07:30Enjoying marriage.
07:32Discovering marriage.
07:33When you say discovering marriage, what's on your mind when you say that?
07:37I'm not married yet, so I don't know.
07:40Oh, man.
07:41I mean, at the beginning, the first thing we had to really work through was just everything that happened with
07:46the family.
07:46I didn't know how much I, like, just shut down when things get tense or there's confrontation or just, I
07:55just, I've always just avoided, avoided at all costs.
07:59And Zach is the opposite of an avoider.
08:03Zach is just 100% off it.
08:04He is very comfortable with kind confrontation, and I feel like that's a really good balance for both of you.
08:11Yeah.
08:12So, I know, I mean, obviously you guys saved your first kiss, and obviously you saved the first time you
08:16guys had sex until your wedding night.
08:18If you don't mind me asking, like, how was that?
08:20Like, what was that like?
08:22Zach has told me leading up to the wedding, he was like, you know, when it comes to sex, when
08:27it comes to intimacy, like, I want you to let me know when you're ready.
08:33He was like, if you want to wait a week, you know, enjoy a week of kissing and making out
08:37and warming up to each other before we, you know, do anything else.
08:40He's like, I'm here to serve you.
08:43And so, yeah, he just really created a safe place.
08:47And no, we didn't wait a week.
08:50I literally love that so much.
08:55What does sex and intimacy in a marriage mean to you specifically, and why is it important?
09:04I have no idea what you just said.
09:06I'm sorry, I gotta put the banana down.
09:09I don't want to disclose what our wedding night looks like, but it was so beautiful.
09:13It was so perfect and so God-centered and so just honoring.
09:17I love that.
09:18There's definitely a side of me that no one has ever seen or I never imagined was there, but it's
09:25for Zach only, and it's awesome.
09:29I can't believe you just did that.
09:31I'm sorry.
09:32You did that deliberately, Lydia.
09:35I did.
09:36I know.
09:38I see that side of you.
09:42You don't see nothing.
09:46When you bring it in too early, it can kind of shade your vision and your discernment.
09:54Living in the world, having sex before marriage, living with men, I saw that, like, no good fruit came from
10:00that.
10:00Like, the Lord redeems everything, especially that.
10:08There's just such a beauty in sex and intimacy with your spouse that's, like, it just breeds so much deeper
10:18connection, joy, love.
10:21It's literally life-giving, like, literally, but it also is life-giving as a couple.
10:26Like, it does bring life into the world, but it also brings life into your marriage.
10:31What was it like to, like, learn how to be comfortable in your own body and, like, be naked in
10:39front of somebody else?
10:40I wouldn't even change it in front of my sisters until I was, like, 17.
10:44That was honestly something that surprised both of us, was just how comfortable we were with each other from day
10:51one.
10:51That's cool.
10:52So.
10:53I saw her open up so much.
10:56I saw her learn to use her voice more.
10:58I saw her learn to express her emotions more.
11:01I think that her friends and her people around her have fostered such a safe space, and so she feels
11:06comfortable to step into that more and to share some more of those things about her.
11:11Are you guys trying to have a baby?
11:13Are you trying to not have a baby right now?
11:17Yeah, I mean, we're coming up on the year mark in a few months.
11:21I can't wait for the day.
11:23I'm seeing all the babies at church this morning.
11:25I know, there are so many babies at church.
11:27But this time of just Zach and I is also priceless.
11:31You're right.
11:31And we want to just enjoy every moment, like, our first Christmas together.
11:35But every time Zach sees a baby too, he points it out.
11:38Oh, yeah.
11:38It's like you both have baby fever.
11:40I for sure thought y'all were going to get pregnant on your honeymoon.
11:45You seem distant, and I can tell that you're not attracted to me.
11:49I want to see her get healthier.
11:52I want her to be around for a long time.
11:54I'm not seeing the progress that I thought I would see.
11:59I'm on a coffee date with my mom.
12:01I don't think he's the type that's going to just give up.
12:06Obviously, his end goal is to win her back, as it were.
12:09So, it's our choice to create a bit of a boundary there.
12:22I want her to be around for a long time.
12:41I want her to be around for a long time.
12:43I want her to be around for a long time.
12:43Come on!
12:44I want to go climb that rock, so.
12:48Okay.
12:48Okay.
12:49Are you going to come with?
12:52Hmm?
12:53What?
12:54I asked if you were going to come with.
12:55Oh, yeah. I didn't hear you. Sorry.
12:58When Ethan and I were together, he would sort of leave me, both physically,
13:05and he'd also, like, emotionally do that, too, just leaving during a time of need.
13:12As a mom, you definitely feel protected of your children,
13:16and letting anybody into their life is a privilege that should be earned.
13:21And so I feel absolutely no rush at all to trust him again and let him back in.
13:33All right, I'll stay here in case you fall. I'll catch you.
13:36The trip has been really fun.
13:38I just love that they now get to see just a glimpse of my life, just a tiny little glimpse.
13:47It's literally just, like, this sliver, like, that much of why I will never go home.
13:54We're trying.
13:55It would go like that. You already?
13:59I think I might move here.
14:02That's what I wanted to hear.
14:03Well, if there's a good flight school out here and there's some good farmland, that's about all I'd need.
14:07Well, just think about it. We don't have to make any decisions right now.
14:10I'm still enjoying my peace and quiet.
14:12I wouldn't move here. I would like to have a little cabin here to come visit whenever I'm able to,
14:18but I feel like it did us some good, and our communication has been a lot better than it ever
14:24was,
14:24and everything else has turned out really good, too.
14:28I love this.
14:29Yeah, I love this.
14:30We go fast.
14:33If I'm going too fast, let me know.
14:36I wish I could have spent more time with you, but...
14:39Yeah.
14:40I mean, any time we really did spend together, you were really quiet.
14:44I've forgiven him, because if I had, then I wouldn't be here.
14:48So I sort of wish he would just forgive himself.
14:50Sometimes I feel like he's not in the present, because he's so focused on the past.
14:54I mean, as of right now, we don't have plans to even see each other again,
14:57so, like, why not be present, you know, and enjoy the time you have now.
15:02Damn, Ethan.
15:04I don't know why I give myself a harder time than maybe I should
15:07when I feel like I'm messed up or let somebody down.
15:11I give myself a harder time than even they give me.
15:16And a lot of my siblings, like, when they commit to something,
15:20like, a lot of us don't quit when you normally would.
15:24And that could be a good thing, but it could also be a bad thing,
15:26where you, like, stay way longer than you should.
15:28I really wish we could have spent more time together,
15:32but at least we're still friends, and at least she came, you know,
15:36and maybe it would be a little stepping stone
15:39towards being able to spend more time with each other in the future.
15:46You're not making any plans to talk or hang out or do anything.
15:50Yeah, I don't feel like any of that's my job.
15:52It's anything.
15:53Fire is it.
15:54So I'm not making any plans.
15:56Our whole relationship was me doing the traveling,
15:59making the plans, doing everything,
16:01so that's not my job anymore.
16:20One thing I really want to do
16:23is get the barn completely done
16:25and start working on some fun stuff.
16:27Yeah.
16:28But also need the energy to do it.
16:30Yeah, yeah.
16:32Kim and I have been together for the last three years,
16:37off and on, mostly on.
16:39It feels more like we're settled in,
16:42like we're finding our place on the farm together.
16:45I do feel like this is home.
16:49Yeah.
16:49It took a little while for me to feel like that
16:51because I feel more welcome.
16:54This is the last place I want to live.
16:57I want to be with you forever.
17:01Me too.
17:03And that's why there are some concerns that I have.
17:12Some of my concerns and worries
17:15have to do with commitment.
17:18I want to know that we're both going to be here
17:21for the rest of our lives,
17:23that we're both going to be healthy,
17:25and we're both going to be happy.
17:29You told me that you were going to work on certain things,
17:33and I'm not seeing the progress
17:36that I thought I would see.
17:43I've been pushing for a little while now
17:45for Kim to start exercising,
17:48just start eating better
17:49to try to get a little healthier.
17:51I want her to be around for a long time
17:53for me and for the kids,
17:56but I feel like she just kind of
17:59put the getting healthy on the back burner.
18:03I'm not seeing any changes,
18:05and it's starting to get frustrating.
18:12It's been a little bit daunting,
18:15you know, being in my 50s
18:17and trying to lose weight.
18:18I mean, it's not as easy as it was in my 20s
18:22or even in my 30s.
18:26I'm trying to work out more,
18:28and I don't know,
18:29there's days where it's just really hard
18:31to work in something, you know?
18:37To me, sometimes it seems like
18:39things happen,
18:41but you also use it as an excuse
18:43not to exercise.
18:51I've looked back and seen where you haven't really tried
18:55or hadn't really put the effort in.
18:57I really love Kim,
18:59and I want to see her get healthier,
19:03but I think it could potentially be a deal-breaker
19:06if she is not going to commit to her health.
19:08It makes me wonder,
19:10is she committed to me?
19:14To me, that would tell me
19:16that she don't care enough
19:17about me and you
19:18to put in the extra effort.
19:22It's hard to commit 100%
19:25until I know that you're 100% committed,
19:29and not just from you telling me
19:31by seeing it.
19:34I don't really like that it's a deal-breaker for him.
19:37I mean, I feel like he's giving me an ultimatum.
19:40I do worry about the future of our relationship
19:42when I hear him say things like that.
19:55It's hard to commit 100%
19:58until I know that you're 100% committed
20:02by getting more healthy,
20:04and not just from you telling me
20:07by seeing it.
20:11It really hurts
20:12to know that Ken thinks
20:14that because I'm not losing weight
20:17fast enough for him
20:19that I'm not committed to our relationship
20:21because I'm absolutely committed
20:23to him and our relationship.
20:25I feel like I have been trying,
20:27and it's a little discouraging
20:30because I know that I've been trying.
20:32I'm thinking of days
20:33like where all three cats got fixed
20:37and I had to make two trips
20:38into Tallahassee,
20:40and I have a lot of days like that.
20:42I'm not talking about isolated incidents
20:45where it's one or two days.
20:46Yeah.
20:47I'm talking about
20:48where the exercise room
20:50has been empty for a week
20:51and you haven't been in there
20:53for two weeks or more.
20:54Well, yeah.
20:58But I do love you.
20:59I wouldn't be here if I weren't.
21:03I know.
21:04I wouldn't have moved everything
21:05that I own here.
21:08And this is where I want to be.
21:10I want to be with you forever.
21:14But I want that forever
21:15to be more than five years
21:17because one of us has diabetes
21:20or we're bedridden.
21:23Yeah.
21:24Ken has been with me
21:26through the last few years
21:27and he's seen all of the stuff
21:30that I've been through
21:31with trying to wrap up this divorce.
21:34That stress has been really hard.
21:36Sometimes I would just stress
21:37over money all day long
21:40and then in the evenings
21:41have a glass of wine
21:42and just kind of wind down
21:44and go to bed.
21:45And I know that that's not healthy.
21:47That's not going to help me
21:49to, you know,
21:50shed lots of pounds.
21:52It does mean a lot to me
21:53to hear you say,
21:55you know,
21:56that you're committed to us
21:59because sometimes you seem distant
22:03and I wonder if it's me
22:05and I can tell that you're not
22:07attracted to me like I am
22:10and that's hard
22:13and that makes me sad
22:14and then that doesn't help me
22:17get all energized
22:18about working out.
22:20If I weren't in the picture
22:21and you were just doing this
22:23for your kids,
22:25wouldn't that be enough?
22:27Yeah.
22:28Because I'm sure
22:29that they want you around
22:30for a long time.
22:32I'm glad Ken and I
22:33are having this conversation.
22:35I'm glad that Ken's honest with me
22:37and I want to lose weight either way,
22:40whether he's in the picture or not.
22:42Learning how to take care of yourself
22:44and love yourself
22:46is a process.
22:48I'm trying to learn
22:50how to do what's best for me,
22:53but I still have a ways to go.
22:56You know, I told you
22:57when we got back together
22:58this last time
22:59that I'm in it
23:00for the long haul.
23:01I mean, this is it.
23:03You know, you're,
23:03I love you,
23:04you're my best friend
23:05and you're the one
23:07I want to spend
23:08the rest of my life with.
23:10What do you need?
23:11Tell me what you need
23:12for me to help you.
23:14I don't want to push,
23:16but if you need me to push,
23:17I'll push.
23:18Well, I guess we
23:19just come up with a plan
23:22and then work on it.
23:24I mean, I...
23:25Work on it.
23:26Do it.
23:26Yeah.
23:27Stick with it.
23:29And there's going to be days
23:30where you're not going
23:32to feel like it
23:33and I'm not going
23:34to feel like it.
23:34Yeah.
23:35And that's what I want
23:36is for you to push me
23:37and for me to push you.
23:40This isn't a good position
23:41to be in
23:41because I do love Kim
23:43and I really,
23:43my heart will be broken
23:45if Kim and I
23:47don't end up together.
23:49I really hope
23:50that she will just
23:51commit herself to
23:52doing what she's told me
23:54that she's going to do
23:55for the last few years.
23:56I want one of our
23:58long-term goals
23:59for within the next
24:00couple of years
24:01for both of us
24:02to be in good health
24:04and I want to one day
24:06see us married
24:08and I want us to look good
24:10when we walk down the aisle.
24:11Yeah.
24:15That sounds really good.
24:17If Ken asked me
24:19to marry him,
24:20I would gladly say yes,
24:21but I'm going to keep
24:22trying to lose weight,
24:24I'm going to keep
24:24trying to make
24:25good food choices
24:26and trying to get
24:27exercise every day
24:28for me
24:29and for my girls
24:31and for Ken
24:32if he'll stick around.
24:34Deal?
24:34Yeah, deal.
24:36I guess I'll go for a walk.
24:40I'll go with you if you want.
24:42I love you.
24:43I love you too.
24:45Oh!
24:45Oh!
24:46Oh!
24:47Oh!
24:47Oh!
24:48Oh!
24:51But one day
24:52I still want
24:52a real proposal.
24:54Okay.
25:04Alrighty, you folks,
25:05here we go.
25:06Oh, awesome.
25:06little chocolates.
25:07Awesome.
25:08And an Irish coffee.
25:10Can I get you anything else?
25:11Hey, Ishi.
25:12Do you want anything to drink?
25:13I'll take a coffee.
25:14Coffee?
25:15Just plain?
25:15Yeah.
25:16You bet.
25:17I'm the only bad one here.
25:19And now I feel bad.
25:20It looks like coffee.
25:22I got Irish coffee.
25:26Did Tegan make her a flight?
25:28I think so.
25:37Alrighty, here's that coffee for you.
25:44What vibes are you picking up?
25:46You think it's going well for them?
25:49I'm not technically sure what the vibe is.
26:01What are you thinking?
26:04Anything changed from the start of the trip till now between y'all?
26:08Or is it still the same?
26:10Oh, I don't know.
26:13Yeah.
26:14Sometimes you don't.
26:15And I just take it day by day.
26:18Yeah.
26:25Yeah.
26:27It's good.
26:28It's good.
26:28Serial?
26:28Yeah, it's good.
26:30Good advice.
26:53Just saying I wanted more whipped cream in this.
26:55No, that was definitely enough whipped cream.
26:57I like whipped cream.
26:59I need a tear if it's a huge problem.
27:02You should take the whipped cream off and save it, or it's a little.
27:07I did not need to hear that.
27:14I honestly wish that we could just drag Ethan down and throw him in the river and give him
27:18a good cold plunge.
27:49Do you want to help?
27:49A little bit.
27:50Yeah.
27:51I don't know which part of her reservations is like because of me and her and her coming
27:59back and seeing you guys, or if it's like...
28:01Surface level stuff.
28:02Yeah.
28:02Yeah.
28:03It's hard to tell.
28:05Maybe just see, like, whenever you get back to Wisconsin, see how things are then.
28:10If anything's changed.
28:12Yeah.
28:14When I go back to Wisconsin, I'm going to go to work.
28:18So I'm looking forward to that, and it looks like I'll be able to move into my house on
28:24the first of the year.
28:26As far as me and Tegan, you know, I'm hoping that after this there's like maybe more communication,
28:31or maybe we could go do some things together or something.
28:36Like, you know, still give her, you know, space if she's asking for space or whatever, but
28:42do try and maybe just show up for her in the ways that you know she needs that you can.
28:49Part of me is very concerned for Ethan because he's not in the best place.
28:55I think it would be good if he could learn to let go of things that he isn't going to
29:04be able to fix.
29:08Hey, at least you know you can also always come to Montana anytime you want and see me
29:13if you just need a reset.
29:17I think the hardest part is saying bye to Ethan because I know he's got to go back to
29:21Wisconsin where he's by himself not knowing how things are going to go.
29:27And I hope that Ethan doesn't spend Christmas alone.
29:33Well, cheers to Montana.
29:35Cheers to you guys and thank you for coming out and seeing me.
29:40Cheers to coming back soon.
29:45Ethan just moved to Wisconsin and spent Christmas Day in his car.
29:51waiting and hoping for Tegan to show up.
29:55If there's any hope in them repairing their relationship, they would be together on Christmas Day.
30:12Oh, it's been so long, it's been so long without you.
30:17When I wrote this song, I said I'm moving on, believe me I tried.
30:21But there's no one else in this world for me, the truth is, if you take me back, I'm the
30:28luckiest man alive.
30:30This is nice.
30:33Today I'm on a coffee date with my mom.
30:36My mom's been there for everything.
30:38Highs, lows, bottoming out, mountain peaks, everything.
30:42Oh my gosh.
30:43Thank you so much.
30:45No, we're good.
30:47She definitely helped me through a lot of this in more ways than I could ever think before.
30:51You had your big trip.
30:53What was that?
30:54It was fine.
30:55I got to see Isaac, Kalen, and Mariah again.
30:58That was nice.
31:00It just picked up where we left off, essentially.
31:02I sort of felt bad, because when we were there, I felt like Ethan was really emotional.
31:07But you know how he is, he internalizes it and sort of shuts down.
31:11Yeah.
31:11So just like navigating that was a little hard, especially because I don't know exactly how I feel.
31:18I'm glad I went to Montana.
31:20I had fun.
31:21I think it did more good than anything else.
31:26You know, to open a can of worms of being friends, which I don't think would have happened if I
31:30didn't go.
31:32As of right now, I guess you could say I have sort of friendzoned him for the time being.
31:38Where it goes in the future, I don't know yet.
31:41When he came back, did he reach out?
31:44Obviously a big surprise, him just kind of showing up and saying, I'm here.
31:49We met Ethan, we welcomed him into our home many times.
31:53He was kind to us, he was nice to us, and certainly to him as well.
31:58I think she was shocked, and I was too, that he was like, surprised I live here.
32:03That was a big shock.
32:05If he wants to try to heal and mend a friendship first, that she's open to that.
32:11But the impression I get is that, I mean, obviously his end goal is to win her back, as it
32:16were, and finding that middle ground, I think, has been tricky.
32:20He'll like text me sometimes, but we don't like talk on the phone, or obviously, you know, we don't see
32:25each other.
32:26I knew he was going to be alone on Christmas, and he doesn't have any family here in Wisconsin.
32:30So, we obviously made the choice to offer him, you know, Christmas dinner.
32:36I asked if he had any plans for Christmas, and he said no.
32:41Obviously, growing up, Christmas is a big thing.
32:43My parents raised me that no one should be alone on Christmas, you know, and so I talked to my
32:47parents.
32:48No offense to him.
32:49I didn't want him in the house by any means, but, like, how can we, like, extend the Christmas spirit?
32:54So, we just made him a plate of food for Christmas, and he came over, I handed him the food,
33:02and then he left.
33:03You know, so he felt like he had some sort of community on such a big day.
33:11At Christmas, we didn't invite him over or anything.
33:14We knew he was in the area.
33:15I wasn't personally entirely sure where he was staying.
33:19Definitely, we want the best for him.
33:21However, their relationship is kind of all over the place and up in the air.
33:26Tegan was hurt.
33:27She was devastated, needless to say, and we had Tegan's child at home, too.
33:32So, it's our choice to create a bit of a boundary there.
33:37That was just the right thing to do.
33:39Yeah.
33:40So, that was the last time and the only time I saw him in between Montana and now.
34:01I'm on a road trip right now.
34:03It was a little bit unexpected, but Ethan just moved to Wisconsin, and he, I don't know.
34:13He didn't sound like he's doing all that great, and I just wanted to check in on him and see
34:20how he's doing, and maybe bring some things to help him get settled into his new house.
34:26Christmas Day, it was amazing.
34:29It was a really great day.
34:30And then Ethan calls, and we're talking to him.
34:33He's on speakerphone, so we can all hear him.
34:35He was just really bummed out.
34:37He sounded really depressed.
34:39And he spent the day in his car, at a park, waiting and hoping for Tegan to show up so
34:48they could spend some time together.
34:51And apparently, Tegan brought him leftovers from their Christmas dinner, and just, I don't know if she dropped it off
35:01or what, but it was just real quick, here's some leftovers, and then she left.
35:08It worries me.
35:10If there's any hope in them repairing their relationship, they would be together on Christmas Day.
35:18To me, it kind of feels like a red flag.
35:31So, he's here.
35:32Do you think there's a world in which he can just be friends?
35:37I think I could.
35:38I don't know if he could.
35:41He's definitely doing a lot of things that I asked him to do when we were together, and so it
35:45sort of sucks that it's happening now.
35:48When we were together and dating, and I was in love with him, I did ask him to move here
35:52multiple times.
35:53You just said when you were in love with him.
35:55Yes.
35:56Are you not in love with him?
35:57No, we're not together.
35:58I would say I'm not in love with Ethan.
36:00I have love for him.
36:01Like, as a person, I care about his well-being, but I'm not in love with him, no.
36:05People make mistakes, but it's your life, and I just want you to do what's best for you, what makes
36:11sense for you.
36:13Last year, I was, like, head over heels in love with this man.
36:17Fully thought I was going to marry him.
36:19Like, I've never been so sure about something in my life, but right now, I look at him, I feel
36:25this, like, flood of emotions.
36:26Like, all emotions, like, sad about, like, what could have been or should have been.
36:31You know, obviously mad is also in there, like, thinking about all the hurt.
36:35I don't mean to be mean to him ever, but I think it comes out of a place of trying
36:40to, like, protect myself and give myself time to think about where I'm at and process it all.
36:46I don't think he's the type that's going to just give up, but there's a little bit more complexity involved
36:54here.
36:55So this isn't just, like, I'm sorry, here's a rose.
36:59It's probably going to take some deeper work.
37:02I think what he struggles most with is, like, forgiving himself.
37:07Like, when we were in Montana, like, he was like, I just, I feel so bad, I don't know, you
37:11know.
37:12That struck me as well, that he is very internalized.
37:18And he might not show on the surface a lot of emotion, but there's a lot of emotion going on.
37:26And, you know, he's got a lot of healing to do, I think.
37:31Ethan strikes me as the type of person who questions his own worthiness of being loved, truly.
37:38And I think sometimes demonstrations of love maybe overwhelm him.
37:44And I think if you feel unworthy of something, you don't know how to accept it, you're not ready for
37:50it.
37:50It's very difficult to be in a relationship with somebody who is not in touch with who they are.
37:57My advice to Ethan, if he were to ask me, I'd probably say, you have to work on you.
38:03Not to say he's broken, per se, but he does need to heal.
38:07As a young person, leaving your parents' home and jumping into a marriage, he didn't have time to figure out
38:13who is Ethan Plath.
38:15He invited me to go see his house that he's renting.
38:20Well, I hope that goes well for you.
38:22It's a lot to navigate for you.
38:25It's a lot to navigate for him, too, I'm sure.
38:28I don't write anything off in life like what is meant to be, will be.
38:33So is there some world where I do fall back in love with him or we fall in love with
38:38each other?
38:39Yeah, definitely that's a possibility.
38:41I feel like I'm here for the ride.
38:43Like, I'm not going to close any doors one way or another.
38:46But I'm not going to, like, be like, oh, you moved here, let's get back together.
38:53Day by day.
38:55Exactly.
38:56Day by day.
39:07I am driving right now through the middle of nowhere Wisconsin.
39:11I'm just worried that past relationships may have really scarred Ethan in ways that make it...
39:22I don't know.
39:23I just don't know where he's at right now.
39:24I don't know where his head is at.
39:26I don't even know if me visiting him I'll be able to tell because he can be really hard to
39:33draw information out of.
39:36I feel like everybody is kind of looking out for Ethan right now because he's just been through a really
39:41hard marriage.
39:43And coming out the other side, we all feel like he's probably kind of vulnerable.
39:48And he's done that before where, you know, as a last ditch effort to save a relationship, you know, moved
39:54across the country thinking that that would help or make things better.
39:58And it didn't.
40:02With Teagan, it's got to be hard that Ethan did whatever he did.
40:08I know some of, but I probably, I'm sure I don't know all of it.
40:12I'm also sure it's really hard for Teagan with Ethan, his divorce not being final yet.
40:22And I understand that she's having a hard time with Ethan right now.
40:26But I got to say, I wouldn't mind sitting down and talking with Teagan and just finding out what's up.
40:36Hey, maybe they'll come a future day where, you know, I have a date and then we can come here.
40:42Yeah.
40:44You don't realize you're in the presence of the Platte deck.
40:47Oh, dear.
40:49I will never call you that.
40:55Ethan Platt.
40:56I haven't spent any time with Ethan since Montana.
41:00Can I get a tour?
41:01Sure.
41:02I'm excited to see his house.
41:03So I feel like that's a good first start.
41:08I get to Ethan's and Teagan is here.
41:10And it just feels a little bit awkward, assuming you guys are friends and just friends.
41:16I'd say maybe like a step under that at the moment.
41:19I don't know if all of this is helping him.
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