00:03A ghost that just wants to be exorcismed.
00:05A man who just wants to be rich.
00:08A group that just wants equality.
00:10An industry that just wants to die with a little bit of dignity.
00:13A girl who just wants out.
00:17What is life if not disappointment?
00:19Hi, I'm Genevieve Cream.
00:21And it's my pleasure to present to you Paranormal Solutions, Inc.
00:25The Internet Killed the Video Store.
00:32You want us all to wear cameras?
00:34Yes, I would.
00:35What is this? Red Bull Extreme Ghost Hunters?
00:38Oh, we can only hope.
00:40It's actually for a ghost hunting reality series I'm pitching.
00:43You see, we spend an entire night in this old haunted video store,
00:48which no one else has been able to do.
00:50We get rid of the ghost, document it, and boom,
00:53you got yourself the perfect TV show palette.
00:55Jared?
00:56Uh-huh?
00:57You have got to stop trying to monetize every single part of this business.
01:02We started doing this so we could help people.
01:05But we can't help people unless we're rich.
01:07When you're rich, you can change the world.
01:09Just ask the Koch brothers.
01:10Yeah.
01:10Plus, it would be really fun to be on a reality television show.
01:14Yes, well, I am not a desperate ghost hunter.
01:16That is open to interpretation.
01:17Sarah, can you please just do this for me?
01:20I'm pitching the show this week,
01:22and if we all don't approve of the footage, I won't do it.
01:24Really?
01:25Really.
01:26Cross my heart, hope to die, and everything else girls say.
01:30But if some of us approve of the footage, then...
01:33Well, then we'll do it.
01:39We've never set up a ghost cam in a utility room before.
01:42This is actually the confession cam.
01:46I don't understand.
01:47Jared wants a confession booth for the reality show.
01:50Oh.
01:52Reality show?
01:54This is where we can bitch and gossip about each other.
01:57It's the only real reason why people tune in to watch this crap.
02:02This is harder than it looks.
02:04Don't get discouraged.
02:06Being a medium is hard.
02:09I'm having a difficult time connecting with the spirit as well.
02:12Wait.
02:15I feel something special.
02:19Hey guys.
02:19You turn on the cameras yet?
02:22Yep.
02:23Boom.
02:25Sue.
02:26Sarah, where's yours?
02:27In my purse.
02:29Oh, it's not going to work very well in there, is it?
02:36Okay.
02:38Stop it.
02:40Sorry.
02:41Oh, come on.
02:42Everyone else is doing it, so...
02:43I mean it.
02:53I can't believe this is my co-op.
02:55I will never forgive you, Mrs. Tate, for placing me with these people instead of the ghost hunters.
03:01They're so immature.
03:04Darren, he serves no purpose.
03:06He's like a walking appendix.
03:12And Jared, I'm willing to bet that sad sack is staring at Sarah's chest right now.
03:18Sorry.
03:19Are you serious with this?
03:20Very serious.
03:21Truth or Dare is super fun.
03:23She's right.
03:24It'll be good for the show.
03:26It's always great to get some juicy truths and dare action.
03:29Besides, you girls love this stuff.
03:31So one of the main reasons that I left you is because you are a sexist pig.
03:35It's the millennium, Sarah.
03:37Sexism is back because of hipsters.
03:39What?
03:40Why do you think they grow those weird beards?
03:42My turn.
03:43We're not even playing yet.
03:44Once I masturbated to the passion of the Christ.
03:47Why?
03:48Mel Gibson is so hot.
03:49He's not in it.
03:51Who was the guy with the beard?
03:54Madonna claims she's one-eighth aboriginal, but believes the definition of aboriginal is one who hates anything original.
04:01You got it.
04:02You got it.
04:04Oh, yeah.
04:05Nice work, Madonna.
04:07Sarah, I dare you to read that love letter from Dax I saw in your purse.
04:11Jared, it's not your turn.
04:12Okay.
04:14I will.
04:14Actually, I was just mostly trying to make you feel bad, but I didn't mean it.
04:19I didn't mean it.
04:20Dear Sarah, you are the smartest, most beautiful woman I have ever met.
04:25If I had the last breath on earth, I wouldn't take it so you could have it.
04:31When I'm with you, time stops.
04:34When I'm not with you, I wish I could fast forward time.
04:37Like to the time we made love six times in one night, timing our orgasm.
04:43It's here.
04:44Oh, thank God.
04:48What?
04:49Leave now!
04:51Holy crap.
04:52The first ghost I actually see is in a wheelchair.
04:55No one will ever believe me.
04:57What's your name?
04:58It's on my name tag, bitch.
05:02Okay.
05:03It's cool.
05:04We don't need to know it.
05:05You can't read it.
05:06You can't sense the presence of my name.
05:09Isn't that what you people do?
05:10I got it, guys.
05:12I can relate.
05:18We are not here to hurt you.
05:23We are here to free you from your shackles.
05:30Jesus fucking Christ.
05:32Madonna.
05:32What?
05:33That's quite enough.
05:34What?
05:36Oh.
05:37Is shackles offensive?
05:40What is my name?
05:43Your name is...
05:48Scurv...
05:49Scurvis...
05:50Scurvissa.
05:51Steven.
05:52Wait a second.
05:53Um...
05:54Why are you in a wheelchair?
05:56What?
05:57I mean, it's a pretty reasonable question.
05:59I mean, he is a ghost after all.
06:00Thanks, Darren.
06:02I mean, the wheelchair seems kind of redundant.
06:05Exactly.
06:05I mean, do you really need that wheelchair in the afterlife?
06:08I mean, isn't the coolest thing about being dead that you can fly in and out of places?
06:12Why is no one scared of me?
06:14I think the obvious reason is...
06:19Well, you're a video store clerk in a sweater vest.
06:25And Mark, he is really...
06:27I can hear you.
06:28I'm right here.
06:29I know.
06:31So, you were just gonna say all those hurtful things you wanted to say about me?
06:36Maybe.
06:42What's wrong, Olivia?
06:44Nothing.
06:46I don't think that's true.
06:48It is.
06:49Well, then why are you sharing this?
06:52I was actually leading up to my resignation.
06:55Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:57You can't do that.
06:58You and I are the only ones with actual real-life experience to keep this business operational.
07:04Are you sure you want to say that?
07:14Taryn!
07:15Look out!
07:20Taryn, no!
07:22Why did it be so violent?
07:23Uh, Shane.
07:24Salo!
07:26We can't do this.
07:27Santiago.
07:28Okay, we should go.
07:29You can't exercise this video storm of spirit because I am in a wheelchair?
07:33Wow.
07:34I mean, really, sir?
07:35He's got a point.
07:35No.
07:38Well, yes.
07:40That's enough.
07:40Nobody move.
07:42We're the PBAAA.
07:44Triple A!
07:45I'm sorry, who?
07:46Are you kidding?
07:47That was my best Arthur Franzarelli.
07:49We're the Paranormal Being Advocacy Avengers Association.
07:53Now, leave him alone.
07:55You see?
07:57Marianne, Lester, Mungbean, and Darka.
08:00Now, those are clear name tags.
08:02I don't need your help.
08:04Oh, please, okay.
08:05We're just trying to do our job and protect naturally occurring paranormal beings.
08:09Somebody needs to protect those who can't protect themselves.
08:11You have the right to haunt.
08:12I'm a ghost for crying out loud.
08:14I can take care of myself.
08:16Oh, of course you can.
08:18We just want to make sure you have the chance to.
08:20That is completely insane.
08:22This is ridiculous, but it makes for great reality television.
08:25Saddam.
08:27Saddam? Really?
08:29Yeah.
08:29I get it.
08:30You're the dumb one.
08:32That's not very nice.
08:34Because I have cerebral palsy, you all feel sorry for me.
08:38Oh, poor Sam.
08:39Sam!
08:40I was way off on that.
08:42Truthfully, Sam, we do feel kind of bad.
08:46Darren!
08:47Darren!
08:52Oh my god!
08:55Don't touch me!
08:56Don't touch him!
08:57Don't touch him!
08:57Don't touch him!
08:58Don't touch him!
08:58Sorry!
09:00I have been penetrated.
09:02Isn't anyone else feeling ballsy right now?
09:05Did he just make a pun about-
09:07Your name tag looks a lot longer than Sam.
09:10Leave him alone.
09:10I'm going to exercise me.
09:12I've seen Iron Eagle tour like 200 times.
09:15It's horrible.
09:17Okay.
09:18Okay.
09:20Okay.
09:24It just doesn't feel right.
09:27Okay.
09:27What's going on here?
09:28These pussies won't exercise me because I'm in a wheelchair.
09:31What is wrong with you people?
09:32It's not that.
09:33You can't not exercise a ghost because he's in a wheelchair.
09:37This ghost is just like every other ghost, okay?
09:40Like every other ghost.
09:41What the fuck is wrong with you people?
09:43Somebody needs to exorcise this ghost.
09:44Wait, wait, you just said that you just-
09:46Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we just said nothing because now we're saying exorcise this ghost with an O, alright?
09:53Because this is his right.
09:54It's his right.
09:55Okay.
09:58Okay.
10:00We'll do this, Sarah.
10:05Spirit, you are free.
10:07Bring it!
10:08You are no longer bound here.
10:11Wee!
10:12I'm holding you!
10:14Holy piece, your God.
10:16Oh, this just makes no sense.
10:18It's happening!
10:21Yes!
10:23Let's go!
10:24Let the chains be broken, and your spirit lives free!
10:29Yes!
10:30Go!
10:31Go!
10:36I hope you get to watch better movies!
10:51How do you delete this?
10:54How do I delete this?
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