00:02The yin and the yang. Two halves that together complete wholeness. Simon and Garfunkel. Lube
00:12and door hinges. Shrimp and Barbies. Who is yin? Who is yang? Doesn't fucking matter, man.
00:23It's fucking teamwork and it's fucking beautiful. I'm Genevieve fucking Cream and this is Paranormal
00:28Solutions, Inc. Happy endings and new beginnings.
00:37When I close my eyes, I become paralyzed. I can't move. No matter how hard I try. And
00:49it's there watching me. And while I lie there, it lurks over me. I lie there in
00:58agonizing fear. And I feel it coming closer and closer. Like, like, like it wants to
01:07envelop me. Describe it to us, Ravenna. Like a dark mist. I feel it as it approaches, slowly
01:19weighing down on my chest. I can feel the hair on my arms standing upright. It almost
01:26opens its mouth and it...
01:28Nobody move! We have a warrant for everyone's DNA. You said this was anonymous. Not to worry,
01:35folks. This warrant is only for the DNA of Sarah and the members of her team. Feel free
01:40to carry on. You can't do this. This is a legitimate group for people who have experienced trauma.
01:45Let me see that. I'm calling our lawyer. Well, you better call a good one, lady.
01:52Because we are shut.
02:13Let me go. Not until you tell me exactly what's going on here. I have no idea. You honestly
02:19expect me to believe that. Looks like she's telling the truth. I am. And if you want answers,
02:25you better undo these handcuffs. And why would I want to do that? Because we're Paranormal Solutions
02:32Incorporated TM. And if this is a paranormal disturbance, you're going to want licensed paranormal
02:37investigators to deal with it. And according to Phoenix University Online, that is exactly what
02:43we are. Well, isn't that convenient? How do we know you little Satanists didn't just plan this
02:51whole thing? Masturbate once to the Exorcist and suddenly you're Satanist, huh? Why would we do that?
02:57Oh, I don't know. To create a panic in the town convincing everyone your little sham exists?
03:01But it does exist. You were there. You saw it. I don't know what I saw. But there's got to
03:07be a logical explanation for it. One that doesn't involve a bunch of con artists preying on the mentally incapable.
03:14Aren't you going to say something? I thought you weren't talking to me anymore.
03:21Get those cuffs off before we sue the police department for unlawful confinement.
03:27We actually can't afford another one of those. You know what, guys? We are presented with a tremendous opportunity.
03:35We could team up. Kind of like when the Harlem Globetrotters were on Scooby Doo.
03:41Do you fit? Ruby Ruby Doo.
03:47Even if it was completely necessary. Jail. Even if someone consented.
03:53A person cannot consent to a crime and dismemberment is definitely a crime.
03:58So you're telling me there's no legal way to chop someone's arm off?
04:00Everything seems to be under control. For now. But here's something interesting. It wasn't just your unit.
04:07Every business in this strip mall has reported a tentacle incident. Except this one.
04:13That is interesting. Good work, Snyder. One step closer to a happy ending.
04:21So you folks, you haven't seen or heard anything suspicious at all?
04:27You have absolutely no idea what I'm saying, do you?
04:32Okay.
04:34Oh, uh, tempting. You know what? I think I'm gonna go ahead and save those for later.
04:44There are massage tables back there. As well as the appropriate accoutrement.
04:48You know what?
04:49Unbelievable. So nothing suspicious.
04:52Can I help you with something?
04:54Who are you?
04:55I am Igor Zhang. And this is my holistic center.
05:00And these are my parents.
05:02Hey!
05:03Mom or Papa, are the police arresting you?
05:06Your parents?
05:07Come on now, hot lips.
05:09Or are you Scully?
05:10It's 2015. You never heard of biracial families?
05:15We have some questions.
05:16Have a warrant?
05:17No.
05:18Then I would like you to go.
05:20Well, maybe I want a massage.
05:22Oh, you look tense.
05:24But you have to make an appointment.
05:26We are all booked up, aren't we?
05:27Mama, Papa, we are all booked up.
05:29Oh, we're all booked up.
05:33We'll see you around.
05:35Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
05:38Have a good night.
05:39Maybe do a two-for-one next time, yeah?
05:42I wouldn't eat those.
05:44Thanks. I wasn't planning on it.
05:47I'm gonna send them to the lab.
05:48Hope they're weird enough to get us a warrant to search supremacy.
05:52I'm going to ask you again.
05:54Five little police here.
05:56They stuck everywhere.
05:58They do speak English.
05:59Wait, how are we hearing that?
06:01I got Detective Snyder to plant a mic while you were in there.
06:04You did this without consulting me?
06:06Yeah.
06:06I told you never to let police in here when I am on lunch.
06:12They look for tentable bees.
06:14I told her it was bad!
06:16Ah!
06:17Hi, guys!
06:18My trip to the dumpster worked!
06:21You were in a dumpster? Why?
06:23Arborchery con.
06:24I'm on a police mission, right?
06:26No, you were not.
06:27Did you find anything?
06:29Subduse solution, used condoms.
06:31Rub and tug confirmed.
06:32And this.
06:34From Greenland.
06:36Hoof-goofa.
06:38You know what that means?
06:39No.
06:41We got a Kraken, Kraken, Kraken on our hands!
06:45Kraken!
06:46How are we supposed to make money with only one girl working, huh?
06:50Everyone call in sick or no show up.
06:53I think everyone quit.
06:55Alright, that's enough.
06:56We shouldn't be listening to this.
06:57Well, at least now you know that it's not a legitimate holistic center.
07:00So can't you do something?
07:02Anything we hear on there can't be used for anything.
07:04I mean, just ask Blondie here about the use of illegal wiretaps.
07:08Look, maybe we need to just figure out why they would want a Kraken.
07:12I think I got that one figured out.
07:15Tentacle erotica.
07:16A Japanese stable since the 1800s.
07:19Huh.
07:19And now, thanks to Igor, perverts can get their fish fetish in their actual lives and not just on screen.
07:27Like this pig.
07:29It's research.
07:29They just said they were short on staff.
07:31Murray, this could be a great opportunity to run a sting operation.
07:36We'll never get the approval based on what we've got though, and not on this timeline.
07:40But hey, PSI doesn't need approval.
07:44We play by our own rules.
07:45So we could send someone in there.
07:48And I think we got someone on staff who fits the profile perfectly.
07:52Darren, you cannot be serious.
07:54Why?
07:55She's perfect.
07:56He's right.
07:58I am perfect.
07:59Familiar with the creature and the ins and outs of the prostitution industry.
08:03I meant Olivia.
08:05Her?
08:06She's probably never even jerked a cow.
08:08For the record, I haven't.
08:09No, he's right.
08:10She's perfect.
08:11I mean, she fits the profile.
08:12She's young.
08:13She's innocent looking and, well, Asian.
08:16You baloney.
08:18You're not going to get more Asian than me.
08:20I'll do it if you give me credit for double my hours.
08:22So I don't have to work with you people anymore.
08:25To be honest, Olivia, that hurts.
08:29But if you really want to leave, I'm sure there's something we can do.
08:33Alright.
08:35Let's formulate a plan.
08:36Okay.
08:38Question and answer time.
08:41Do you have any allergies such as nuts, hay fever, shellfish?
08:48No.
08:49Okay.
08:50How do you feel about interspecies relations?
08:54You can't choose who you love.
08:56You're right there.
08:57You're right there.
08:58Nail on head with that one.
09:00Okay.
09:00When can you start?
09:03Of now.
09:04Okay.
09:04You're hired.
09:05Right in the back.
09:06Straight in room number three.
09:07Good stuff.
09:08Right on.
09:09Alright.
09:10Say it back to me.
09:11I heard this is the place you go when you're looking for something a little different.
09:16Less Pacino.
09:17Oh, my God.
09:18Did that sound like Pacino?
09:19Barely.
09:19But just less of whatever that was.
09:21But go on.
09:21Okay.
09:22Then I get Olivia alone.
09:25Sheila is a Kraken.
09:27Then I drive these metal spikes into the tentacles.
09:29Then?
09:30Then I call the police.
09:32I report that I've been assaulted when trying to buy herbs for my back.
09:36Then you guys come in with cause to arrest those perps.
09:40Perfect.
09:41Go get them.
09:45Wait.
09:47Who's the shades?
09:48Oh, what?
09:49Too much?
09:50No.
09:52I wanted to see more of that face.
10:06Right this way, Mr. Ricketts.
10:11Well, I've never done this before, so where do you want me?
10:17Up on the table.
10:19Get comfortable and get those icky clothes off.
10:24Really, Olivia?
10:26Double hours.
10:28Right.
10:29Good job.
10:31Now, where are you tents?
10:34Uh, everywhere.
10:36But, you know, actually, yeah, let's just, um, maybe we could just skip this first part and get to the
10:41main event.
10:42I mean, I ordered the special.
10:49You got it.
10:54Look at me and I'll kill you.
10:55Right, I gotcha.
11:02One sexy sushi coming right up.
11:09Oh!
11:11Oh, what is that?
11:13Dead fish.
11:22Olivia!
11:24No!
11:28I don't want to hurt you, but you leave me.
11:32No choice!
11:42Let's go.
11:43Bye-bye.
11:44Bye-bye.
11:45You look funny, man.
11:46Watch my head, man!
11:51I'm sorry I couldn't go through with it, but, uh, I still got him.
11:55Yeah, an idiot came out to smoke a joint.
11:57That'll give us reason enough to poke around and put him out of business.
12:00Take that thing to the aquarium or what?
12:04Yeah, something like that.
12:07Detective Vlotz, how soon do we get reimbursed?
12:09Oh.
12:11You don't.
12:22Oh, hey, Olivia.
12:24Uh, I just wanted to say that I know we can be a difficult group to be around.
12:29You know, we're inappropriate and ignorant.
12:32But, uh, thank you.
12:35You saved the day for it.
12:38Okay.
12:38You have to look harder for me.
12:41Sorry you had the car at the airport.
12:41I'm sorry.
12:43Thank you, yes.
12:43If you grenon Fairling.
12:45holiday, you're going to die!
12:45polymorphia in the lake.,
12:45the night, it's the air. This
12:46ship is over there.
12:47You
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