- 2 days ago
Rivals. S02 - E02
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00:16people sometimes ask me the sportsmen make good politicians I say yes if you
00:25like your politicians brave disciplined strong in body mentally agile someone who knows how to
00:32truly commit working night and day to make your life better someone who knows they're playing
00:38for the winning side who was born to win and refuses to lose someone who can ride any storm
00:45and even let others take the lead without ever tiring or letting go someone who is flexible and
00:51used to competing in difficult positions if that ticks all your boxes may I invite you to take mine
01:06you do know that's an antique the mirror is pretty old too
01:13Helen
01:14oh
01:27oh
01:29oh
01:30oh
01:30oh
01:31oh
01:31oh
01:33Oh, that's funny.
02:03Oh, that's funny.
02:33The children's bags, the clothes are all labeled.
02:35There's a list in there if you could check them all off when they come back.
02:38Tabitha came home without a single sock last time.
02:44Hello.
02:50Hi. I'm Mrs. Gordon, the children's mother.
02:53Uh, yeah. Uh, Helen, this is Cameron.
02:56I've heard so much about you.
02:59Philadelphia, right?
03:00Yes, ma'am. Well, New York by way of Philly. You?
03:02Florida.
03:04Mm.
03:05And hi. You must be Tabitha.
03:08Obviously. Who are you?
03:13Um, I'm your, uh, your father's girlfriend.
03:17You're bloody nuts!
03:23Okay, I'm gonna leave you to deal with that.
03:26I'm late from my plane. My husband is waiting.
03:29Where are you going?
03:30Venice.
03:31Oh, baby. We should go to Venice.
03:33I'll waste it on Rupert, I'm afraid.
03:35Okay, kiss the children for me. I'll see them.
03:38Wednesday.
03:38Wednesday, right.
03:39I'm sorry. I didn't know that they didn't know about me.
03:43Enjoy Venice!
03:45Don't fall in.
03:56Tabitha! Come and meet Cameron properly.
04:06I told you you should order the beef.
04:08Luigi's is legendary.
04:09No, I'm not really enjoying red meat at the moment.
04:11Ah.
04:12Monica couldn't eat eggs for nine months.
04:14Couldn't see them in the pantry without feeling nauseous.
04:20So, explain to me how it's mine.
04:24Do you remember the day I joined Carinium?
04:26Celebration dinner at the Bear in Bisley.
04:28Two courses.
04:30Me for pudding.
04:31Forgive me, I'm not the only suspect.
04:33James and I didn't start until Miss Carinium.
04:35You knew of a husband?
04:36No, Paul lost his libido at the same time as his cabinet suit.
04:39Not something, um, you'd ever have trouble with, I imagine.
04:46You're feeling a bit pushed out since BT came on board at Carinium, am I right?
04:50You're also aware that Cameron's out.
04:52You're wondering if a little power move like this
04:56might move you into the position she vacated.
04:59Queen of Carinium.
05:01Sad to say, Sarah, we're not inviting applications at present.
05:04Nor are we looking for an illegitimate heir to the throne.
05:08Get rid of it.
05:09I know a very good chap in Harley Street had this sorted out in no time.
05:13Termination.
05:14No.
05:16Not a nice word.
05:18Better to think of it as a cleansing of your soul.
05:22Be a shame if this were to hang over your blossoming career.
05:27It would hang over you too, though, wouldn't it?
05:30And Monica.
05:32Ooh.
05:39Eminently deniable.
05:42Unless that's a prog pops out with a cigar in its mouth, you'd have a way to prove it's mine.
05:46Here you go.
05:47Mmm.
05:50Bon appétit.
05:53Mmm.
05:54God, it's good.
05:55Mmm.
05:58Try the beef.
06:06Come on.
06:14Don't try to play chess with me, Sarah.
06:16You're not clever enough.
06:18We both want rid of this problem, so you sort it out as quick as you possibly can.
06:22Good girl.
06:30Rupert's all over bloody everything.
06:32They've shown his party political broadcast five times this week.
06:35He's been on Breakfast Time and TV AM.
06:37Both channels.
06:38Both channels.
06:41Meanwhile, I can't even get invited on Cotswold Roundup, a programme presented by my own wife.
06:47Thank you, darling.
06:49So, listen.
06:50I've made some calls, and we're going to have a dinner party on Tuesday.
06:53See if we can't turn some local goodwill into actual television coverage.
06:57Show Tony Battingham.
06:58We mean business.
07:01Dinner party here?
07:03Do you know, Winifred always used to throw me dinner parties in the run-up to an election,
07:11and I never had to suggest it myself.
07:14Oh.
07:15Good for Winifred.
07:19Yes.
07:21Perhaps you should start thinking about what to cook.
07:58You're too good to those birds.
08:00I like how busy they are.
08:02Work so hard at surviving.
08:04Morning.
08:05Aubergines.
08:06From the market, as requested.
08:09Aubergines in the Cotswold.
08:10Bice was in London last night.
08:12I've got to make six, um, what's that again?
08:15Moussaka.
08:16I think it's Moussaka for the Women's Institute AGM.
08:18And a spare one for your lunch.
08:20Can't wait.
08:21Draw the hand.
08:22I'm a decent sous chef.
08:24Okay.
08:25Good morning, all.
08:26Good morning.
08:28The boss lady's here.
08:36Morning.
08:37You must be Marcus.
08:39Hello.
08:39Which makes you...
08:41Tabitha.
08:42And you're Declan O'Hara from the telly.
08:44Declan O'Telly, that's right.
08:46This is all looking great.
08:47It is, but Charles called me this morning.
08:51Turns out Carinium are also developing a series of Shakespeare plays for the school's market.
08:55Do you know about this?
08:56It's another thing from our application document, isn't it?
09:24All right, then.
09:25Where do you want this, Declan?
09:28Over here.
09:29There you go.
09:30Oh, fuck.
09:31I'm sweating carbs here.
09:33Who is this person?
09:34Oh.
09:36Good morning, Venture Television.
09:37Shelley speaking.
09:38Well, we said we needed a secretary.
09:40She prefers executive assistant.
09:41Declan.
09:42BBC for you.
09:51Declan O'Hara.
09:53Hello, Jeremy.
09:56Hi, Baz.
09:56Oh, hello, Munchkin.
09:58Oh, how are you?
10:00Is there any food?
10:01Lovely.
10:01Cameron made breakfast, but it was disgusting.
10:04Poor man.
10:05Which is your desk?
10:06Why?
10:07You're the only character in my life.
10:09I want to know everything about you.
10:10That's fantastic.
10:11We've put you over here, Cameron.
10:12This is the driving seat.
10:13Why don't you go into the kitchen and find Taggy?
10:16Yeah.
10:17She'll get you a snack.
10:17Go on.
10:18Just do that.
10:30Absolutely.
10:32I love a bit of Yeats.
10:34Oh, honey, Theresa, you were pronouncing it Yeats.
10:36So, what happens now?
10:37Take a trip over to Ireland, scout out some locations.
10:40We don't need to shoot in Ireland.
10:41We've got landscape coming out of our ears in Rutshire.
10:44With all due respect, Cameron.
10:46Says the man about to say something disrespectful.
10:49Fucking Rutshire looks nothing like Ireland,
10:52and it's ignorant to even suggest that we would ever...
10:54We should be trying to film wherever's least expensive.
10:56I don't want the maths club running the drama group, all right?
10:59Oh, hello, children.
11:01Uh, there's nobody in the kitchen.
11:04Okay, uh, take a seat,
11:06and we'll find you some cookies or something.
11:09Huh, Shelley?
11:12You don't want the maths club running the drama group.
11:14I don't want the drama group being irresponsible
11:16with Venturer's program budget.
11:22Oh, my God.
11:24You little shit.
11:26Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:27Come on.
11:27The timing was good.
11:29Cameron's articulated.
11:30Ew, I can smell it.
11:32I'm going to just...
11:33I'm going to speak to her.
11:42Hey, uh...
11:45Why don't you take her with you?
11:47Well, show the landscape,
11:49make her fall in love with the place.
11:51You want me to take Cameron to Ireland?
11:54Why am I suspicious?
11:58I can really use a few days alone with the kids.
12:02Try and talk to them about this new...
12:05relationship.
12:08Help me out here?
12:12Yeah.
12:13Yeah, I'll help.
12:18Taggy!
12:20Taggy, I've got your...
12:24Dish.
12:28Hello.
12:30Freddie.
12:33You been okay?
12:39Not great.
12:42No, me neither.
12:44No bloody coffees.
12:46So, hello, Lizzie.
12:48Sorry, snatching a moment.
12:49Didn't mean to interrupt.
12:50Oh, no, don't worry.
12:52I don't know why Muggins here has been left to make the coffee
12:53while Shelley's sat on her arse with her tin of family circle.
12:57I always prefer to sit near the biscuits.
12:59Yeah, same.
13:04How many times have you shagged now?
13:07Once.
13:08And never again.
13:10Surely not.
13:11I'd imagine Mr. Jones is a very considerate lover.
13:14I'm married.
13:15Yes, to James Verica.
13:17We can't all just do what we want, Rupert.
13:20The rules are there to stop people getting hurt.
13:22That's why most of us try to stick to them.
13:24I came to give this back to Taggy.
13:27We were all quite surprised when you moved Cameron into Pensacom Court.
13:31Well, I hope it's working out.
13:45Beaver?
13:46Fetch!
13:47I'll only be a few days in Ireland.
13:50Honestly, how is he my son with an underarm like that?
13:55You won't do anything silly, will you, if Tony comes prowling around?
13:58He's in with a show jumping trophy.
14:02If he had anything on us, he'd have used it by now.
14:04Look, I said I would be here to look after you, and I will.
14:08Mm-mm.
14:09I think you like that you rescued me.
14:11What happens when I don't need taken care of anymore?
14:13Yeah, I might have rescued you the first time, but the second time you rescued yourself,
14:17and I like that very much.
14:21Well, I guess Tabitha's not coming to say goodbye.
14:23Look, I know she's been a little toad.
14:26Well, I've never had a woman here at the same time as the children.
14:29Whatever else I've done, I've stuck to that, so of course she's rattled by meeting you.
14:33It's your own bloody fault for making me adore you enough to break the rules.
14:39You know what?
14:40I'm gonna miss you.
14:47And I'll miss you too, Blue.
14:49Bye, Marcus.
14:58Do you think she'll come back?
15:02Why wouldn't she?
15:24Are you lost?
15:26Oh.
15:28Sorry you're upset.
15:31I'm Taggy.
15:32I live in the house down there.
15:35I like your purple skirt.
15:37I always wanted one, but my knees are too knobbly.
15:41Hey, this is Gertrude.
15:43She's a good listener.
15:44I'll tell her all my problems.
15:45Her voice isn't very good, though.
15:46She mainly just whiffs and grrrs.
15:52You think you can tell her what's wrong?
15:54Daddy doesn't love me anymore.
15:59There you are.
16:04Um, darling, what did I tell you about running away?
16:06This is Taggy, Daddy.
16:08She lives down there.
16:09Yeah, we've, uh, we've met.
16:12Can't you come to tea, Daddy?
16:14Please, please?
16:15Oh, um.
16:18Yeah, come and have some tea.
16:19Why not?
16:21Um, I've got to get home, but another day, okay?
16:26Come on, pup.
16:30Okay, home time.
16:33I don't think she likes you, Daddy.
16:44Good morning, Rudshire.
16:46What a beautiful, sunny morning it is, too.
16:49With the general election only days away,
16:51this morning we'll be asking if Rudshire will stay as conservative as ever,
16:55or if local MPs, Wupert Campbell-Black for Chalford & Bisley
16:59and Paul Strassen for Conchester
17:01should be watching their backs for a potential liberal landslide.
17:06They got the beat.
17:09Yeah, they got the beat.
17:12And here is the kitchen,
17:14where you'll be making all the magic happen.
17:17Cooker, fridge here, pantry, a walk-in cupboard there.
17:21That's where Paul keeps all the wine and whatnot.
17:23Um, you're happy with the recipe?
17:24It's just I know that reading's a struggle for you, isn't it,
17:27with your dyslexia?
17:29Oh, I'm fine.
17:30I've got everything.
17:34For writing it out so big.
17:35Now, I know beef.
17:36It's a bit much, isn't it, for a summer dinner party,
17:38but, well, it's his favourite.
17:40My husband's favourite, I mean.
17:42And with the election and pulling all the TV coverage you can get.
17:45Oh, of course.
17:46And you don't mind staying in the kitchen tonight, do you?
17:49It's just, it's a bit awkward, you being Ventra.
17:52Oh.
17:52Daddy doesn't know, but he can't really complain we need the money.
17:55Ah.
17:56Well, just don't go poisoning all of Carinium in my dining room.
18:01Seriously, though, you really mustn't let anyone see you.
18:03Oh.
18:04Okay.
18:05I've rather given the impression that I'm doing the cooking tonight,
18:07so I really need everything to be perfect.
18:10Right.
18:13Okay, well, I'm going to go to the hairdressers.
18:16Um, don't answer the door,
18:17but if somebody calls, just pretend to be the daily, okay?
18:21Oh, sure.
18:22Um, what if anyone sees me in the kitchen tonight?
18:25Shh.
18:30Just duck into the pantry.
18:36This afternoon, the MP for Chalford and Bisley
18:39was in Stroud with his children
18:40to open the newest branch of Waitrose,
18:42armed with a very large pair of scissors.
18:44And three, two, one.
18:47Yay!
18:48Good, thank you.
18:49No, delighted to drop in on our walk around Stroud.
18:51Waitrose is absolutely the best place
18:53to pick up a nice hunk of Codswell bloom.
19:01No, no, no, no, no, no.
19:03God, no, you idiot.
19:07Um.
19:10Okay.
19:11Okay.
19:13Oh.
19:21Hello.
19:22Mrs. Stratton-Bishop and thank you very much.
19:25That's the worst rupture accent I've ever heard, Sarah,
19:28is Rupert.
19:29It's...
19:30It's not Sarah.
19:32Is that Taggy?
19:33Sarah said to pretend to be a daily.
19:36Um, uh, I'm actually after Paul.
19:38Um, is he there?
19:39It's party business.
19:41Shit.
19:42Hmm.
19:45Darling, what is it?
19:46I'm making Mr. Stratton's favourite beef
19:48from the white elephant in Payne's Wig
19:49and I've just dropped all the salt on it
19:50and now it's ruined.
19:52Oh, Angel.
19:53Well, can you make it again?
19:55No, it's too late.
19:56The butcher shuts at four.
19:57God, I've ruined everything.
20:00All right, leave it with me.
20:01Uh, you get on with the starter
20:02and I'll be there in an hour.
20:04No, you don't have to do that.
20:08But there's an awful lot to do.
20:10Sorry, Gerald.
20:11I'm rescuing a constituent.
20:12Give me back my money!
20:14Can't have it.
20:14It's free parking, not three pounds.
20:39It's free parking, not three pounds.
20:46MUSIC PLAYS
20:48She's got it, yeah baby she's got it, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, chalky fire.
21:06Are you nearly done? They're sitting down. Well, some of them.
21:10Nearly nearly.
21:11Oh, quick, someone's coming.
21:18Gorgeous canapes, Sarah.
21:20Oh, thanks so much. Yes, and I love those. Taggy O'Hara makes them.
21:25Yes, yes, I asked for the recipe.
21:30What are you cooking us?
21:32I'm cooking Luigi's famous beef dobe. I had to almost sleep with him to get the recipe.
21:37But that's Tony's favourite, I can't wait to tell him. Can I do anything?
21:41Yes, will you tell the men to bloody well sit down?
21:44God, it's like herding cats, isn't it?
21:46Where's your glass, Lizzie? Have you put it down again?
21:49Yeah.
21:54Sarah? Sorry, did I make you jump?
21:57I'm so sorry for bringing your nemesis.
22:00Mother's not well tonight.
22:01Beatty overheard me on the phone and insisted she come along with me instead.
22:04I couldn't stop her.
22:06Don't worry, I put her next to James.
22:08Oh!
22:08Oh, actually, you can take this in for me.
22:13I need no second bidding.
22:17Now, then, do we need to talk about the meeting?
22:22Now, can I take these? Are these ready to go?
22:25Oh, I'm not really ready.
22:26But they look ready.
22:27Actually, yes, they're ready. Sorry.
22:30Wow.
22:30And just remind me again, what are these?
22:33It's trout mousse with a cucumber salad and Melba toast.
22:36And did it take me long to make it?
22:37Not really, because we're very good at cooking.
22:46Beef daub for eight, direct from Luigi at the White Elephant.
22:49Oh, my goodness.
22:50You're a lifesaver.
22:51Oh, look.
22:52It's the same dish.
22:53Do you mind?
22:58Does your father know you're cooking for the enemy?
23:00This is the strangest job I have.
23:02What?
23:03It's Sarah.
23:03Quick.
23:05Really?
23:09I knew Sarah wasn't cooking.
23:11Oh, my God.
23:11Please don't say anything.
23:12I'll be in such trouble.
23:13A word.
23:13I said I was going to the loo.
23:15Why don't you use the upstairs one?
23:17Well, I don't use the loo.
23:18That's okay.
23:19Okay.
23:22What are the herbs on top?
23:24Monica's asking.
23:24Oh, and Dill.
23:26Dill?
23:26No.
23:27Paul wants horseradish.
23:29Oh, Sarah.
23:29No, no.
23:30Not in there.
23:33What the hell are you doing here?
23:35I just popped round to see Taggy.
23:37Sarah.
23:38Wait.
23:42I have to speak to you.
23:43I'm hosting a dinner party, James.
23:45It can't wait.
23:46I'm sure it can.
23:47I am going crackers.
23:48Apparently, you are pregnant.
23:52Why did you leave that?
23:53Audrey told me at work.
23:54Is it true?
23:55Is it mine?
23:56No.
23:57I'm getting rid of it, all right?
23:59Just...
23:59Please, don't say anything.
24:00Sarah!
24:02Sarah, you're in the kitchen.
24:03I'm getting in.
24:06I'm fine.
24:07Oh!
24:11Everything all right, darling?
24:12Yes.
24:12Why?
24:13I don't know.
24:14You seem a bit...
24:14Well, so do you.
24:16This is terribly important.
24:18I know.
24:19Oh, my insides are not right at all.
24:21It's probably just herbs.
24:23Go upstairs and swing some of that spectabism.
24:25It's all right.
24:26Oh.
24:27Oh.
24:28Oh.
24:31Someone was in the other loo, so I went upstairs.
24:33Oh.
24:33No problem.
24:34Very good.
24:35Go sit down.
24:37Have a drink.
24:38Another drink.
24:49Get back in there before Lizzie sees you're gone.
24:51God, Sarah, I can't tell you the relief.
24:58It's not mine, is it?
25:00No!
25:00Fuck off!
25:01Get me the horseradish.
25:02Middle shelf.
25:02I know what the horseradish is.
25:05Let me!
25:05Oh, my God, sorry.
25:07Oh, just a second.
25:07Oh, God.
25:10What does a girl have to do to get a proper drink around here?
25:14A murderous scotch.
25:16Are we alone?
25:17Looks like it.
25:19Our plan is coming together deliciously.
25:22I genuinely think it might lose a particular unlovely person their particularly lovely job.
25:27Beautiful music to my ears.
25:29Hmm.
25:29You just need to keep a certain person out of my way.
25:36Oh!
25:37Hello, you two.
25:38We're talking shop again, are we?
25:40Well, you really are the most attentive host.
25:42Every time I turn around, there you are.
25:43Well, actually, I was just popping in for this cheeky little burgundy to go with the beef.
25:48What do you say, Tony?
25:49Should we, uh, rip our knickers off?
25:50Oh, God.
25:51Absolutely.
25:51Excuse me.
25:52I mustn't be monarch-like.
25:54Oh, did I mention what a wonderful job you're doing on the election campaigns?
25:57Sarah has learned so much from you.
25:59Well, she had a great deal to learn.
26:02Indeed.
26:03Very good.
26:09Right.
26:10This is my very important dinner party.
26:13All right?
26:13So I have to go back in there because people are gonna start asking where I am.
26:17Please, get the main course ready and try not to do anything more to fuck up my night.
26:21Fuck.
26:22Oh, Jesus.
26:23Okay.
26:25What can I do?
26:26Can you take this one with you?
26:28Oh.
26:30Hide the evidence.
26:32Of course.
26:32And this is definitely the salty one.
26:34Yes.
26:34Thank you so much for tonight.
26:36Wish I could pay you back.
26:39I mean, return the favor.
26:44Well, uh, actually, there is one thing you could help me with.
26:49Oh, yeah?
26:49Once we've escaped from cold eggs.
26:51This is just you.
26:54It has to be said anything to you.
26:55About what?
26:56The entire purpose of this evening.
26:58Getting my face on crudium television.
27:00Yeah.
27:01But he can't last you're still in here, can he?
27:04Oh, do me a favor.
27:05Crack open another bottle of red.
27:06This is really plowing through it.
27:08Yeah, Roger.
27:12All aboard.
27:20Oh, God. She took it.
27:22What do we do?
27:22Oh, God.
27:24You'll have to go in there.
27:25I can't go in there.
27:25Well, I really can't go in there.
27:27Oh, Roger.
27:27Oh.
27:28It's the wrong beef.
27:30What?
27:30You'll regret it if you argue, darling.
27:32Just run and get the beef.
27:32What?
27:39What?
27:44What the hell is going on?
27:45Everyone in there thinks I'm Batty.
27:47Just say you forgot to garnish it.
27:49Sarah!
27:50Oh, dear.
27:51Oh, dear.
27:52Oh, dear.
27:55Is everything all right, Tom?
27:58Oh, dear.
27:59What is the daughter of Tony Battingham's greatest enemy doing in our kitchen?
28:03Oh, please, God, don't tell me she cooked the dinner.
28:08It's no good.
28:10It's no good.
28:11It's no good.
28:11I'm never going to be able to cook like Winifred.
28:13Darling, I just wanted your night to be perfect, so I got Taggy to come and help me.
28:17I've been in the pantry.
28:19Sarah's done most of it.
28:20You want to find out, Paulie?
28:22Come on, nobody's seen her.
28:25As long as there's absolutely no chance of Tony finding out.
28:28Absolutely none.
28:30Oh.
28:32Okay, darling, why don't you go back in there and top up everyone's wine?
28:36Could have been worse, you know?
28:37Could have been Rupert Campbell fuckface in this kitchen.
28:45I'm so sorry, but the Royal Luigi cooked this one.
28:48It's really good.
28:51Yes, so I hear.
28:54Good luck in there.
28:56Come on, don't.
28:58Hey, what the hell are you playing at?
29:00What?
29:00It's going around the whole party.
29:01Apparently you've got a secret.
29:03If I hear so much as a whisper about it.
29:05I haven't told anyone.
29:06I can't help it if you have.
29:07Sarah!
29:09Get in.
29:10Get in.
29:11Get in.
29:12Darling.
29:13Huh?
29:14I can't seem to get Tony on his own.
29:16Now I'm chatting up B.T. Johnson only.
29:18I may have done too much.
29:19I made her think that I'm up for a clinch in the cloak.
29:21Oh, no, I'm still looking for the whiskey.
29:23Oh, God.
29:24Hide me.
29:25Hide me.
29:25Hide me.
29:31Wine pantry?
29:32Aren't we posh?
29:33Oh, no.
29:38Tony.
29:39Paul.
29:43So listen, while I've got you.
29:44Um, I wonder if you might seem fit to get me on the Cotswold Roundup sofa this week.
29:49My final push before the election, you know?
29:52Win it for the blues.
29:55No, yes, no.
29:56No.
29:56No.
29:57No.
29:58No.
29:58I'm sure we're going to do that.
29:58I'm sure we're going to make that happen.
30:01Marvellous.
30:02Thank you so much.
30:04Um.
30:05After you.
30:09Ah.
30:10Oh.
30:11There you are.
30:13And you found Tony.
30:14Good.
30:15Good.
30:16Um, darling, Petey wants a scotch.
30:18So would you take that in for me?
30:19My joiner in one, actually.
30:22Tony.
30:25I'm seeing the Harley Street doctor next week.
30:28Right?
30:28So what's all this about secrets?
30:33I didn't cook this.
30:34Right?
30:36It's not about the baby.
30:38Listen to me.
30:39You get yourself unpregnated as quickly as possible or no more dinner parties.
30:43Huh?
30:43No more uncensored.
30:45You got it?
30:46You are off the shelf till you sort yourself out.
31:12Ah.
31:15Whew.
31:15Beef, dome.
31:17Dome.
31:18Dome.
31:19Beef.
31:20Beef dome.
31:25Ah.
31:27Oh, sorry about that.
31:28Beef dome.
31:28Here it is.
31:29Beef dome.
31:30Come on.
31:37Oh, I do love a phone call.
31:39But Taggy O'Hara cooked the whole thing,
31:42and Sarah had her hiding in the kitchen all night.
31:45No, you're joking.
31:46No, there's Gerald.
31:48Don't forget to vote tomorrow. Rupert Campbell Black.
31:51Derry.
31:52Hello.
31:53Hello.
31:54Beautiful day, Forrest.
31:56Hello, Georgie. Girl, I want you a beauty.
32:01Does Tony know you're fraternizing with the enemy, Monica?
32:04Oh, we've all known each other far too long for any of that silliness.
32:08You, me, and Hermione were spiking the punch at the Junior Humborg
32:10before I never seem to know what a television franchise was.
32:15Murphy, your godmother was quite the firecracker, you know.
32:18Oh. Derry, darling, do you want some help?
32:21Mummy, will you take David back?
32:23Oh, of course.
32:24Can I have fun?
32:25Here we go.
32:26Come on, David.
32:26Yes, give me some of those.
32:27Lovely to see her so happy.
32:29Do you know, I really never thought she'd find anyone.
32:32Who's the Campbell Black?
32:34Quite something.
32:35Isn't she your Muffy?
32:37She's a trooper.
32:39Must say there's something of a surprise, Polo.
32:42Yes.
32:42Sorry.
32:44Um, you were away when it all happened.
32:47I mean, I didn't know you liked, um...
32:51Dogs and horses?
32:53Yes, exactly.
32:55Well, you know what it's like when you find your person.
32:58Suddenly, everything about you makes sense.
33:03So you have to screw the corners down really tight.
33:06No.
33:08No.
33:10Then you have to leave it for several weeks.
33:12Weeks?
33:12It teaches you patience, don't it?
33:14I've done it with my brownies a few times.
33:16They love it.
33:17Do you go to brownies, Tab?
33:18You only go to brownies if you haven't got a pony.
33:23Oh, we can use them to decorate cards once they're pressed,
33:25like these ones I made.
33:27What's Taggy short for?
33:28Agatha.
33:29Isn't that awful?
33:30Tabitha's so much nicer.
33:32I don't like it if people call me Tabby at school.
33:34Sounds like a cat.
33:36Well, my parents call me Tag, or it sounds a lot like Tab.
33:39If Mark has shouted Tab, we'd both go charging into the room
33:41and bump into each other in the doorway.
33:46If you come to Warwickshire, you can see Biscuit, my new pony.
33:49Oh, I'd love that.
33:51Tab!
33:52Here we are!
33:55Daddy, could Taggy come back to Warwickshire with us tonight
33:57and see Biscuit?
33:58See Biscuit?
33:59That's another horse entirely.
34:01Please, Daddy.
34:02She can come and get burgers with us on the way.
34:04Oh, I said I'd give Mrs. Emma left times.
34:06By a walk.
34:07It's not far.
34:08You go see the pony.
34:11Blanche?
34:15Yes!
34:16Yes!
34:17I can't wait for you to eat Biscuit.
34:19Come on!
34:20Okay, okay, okay.
34:21Come, I'm coming, I'm coming.
34:21What Tabitha says goes.
34:24Last one to the car as a filthy rascal!
34:25Go, go, go, go, go!
34:377-11, I'm ready for drinks tonight.
34:38I'm ready for drinks tonight.
34:44I'm ready for drinks tonight.
34:46I'm ready for drinks tonight.
34:46Oh, no!
34:47A little quick check on 12, okay?
34:49Yeah.
34:52For all the house down.
34:54Everything good, Mr. Campbell Black?
34:56Perfect.
34:57Perfect.
34:57I'll have another, please.
34:59I can.
34:59And the pudding menu.
35:00Coming up.
35:02You can have pudding if Cameron's not here.
35:04Horrid Cameron thinks fruit salad is a pudding.
35:06Yuck!
35:07Oh, Cameron's not horrid.
35:09You know, when I first met her, I did think she was a bit scary.
35:12Even Daddy probably thought she was a bit scary.
35:15I was terrified.
35:17If Cameron and Dad got married, she'd be our stepmother.
35:20I'm not calling her mother.
35:22You don't have to.
35:24Malise doesn't make you call him Dad, does he?
35:27You're so lucky, all these extra grown-ups you've got.
35:30Are you one of our grown-ups?
35:31I could be your grown-up friend, if you like.
35:42Delicious as ever, Basil.
35:44You got the wine or the girl?
35:46You got it.
35:49And this is for you.
35:54It was!
35:55It was!
35:57I didn't realise you'd lifted the ban on super-villains.
36:00Closest place to Carinian for an off-campus cabal.
36:03Don't worry, I'd charge him double.
36:06Been discussing all the programme ideas.
36:08You've pinched.
36:08Not pinching, I think.
36:10We know everything we need.
36:11Just spending time with the family, same as you.
36:14Oh, I'm not going to congratulate you.
36:15I had no idea you had three such beautiful children.
36:21Do have a good evening, won't you?
36:41Mr. Stratton, welcome back to Carinian.
36:44Good to see you.
36:46And can I just say, I'll definitely be voting for you tomorrow.
36:49That's very kind.
36:51Thank you, Doreen.
36:52Doreen.
36:53Doreen.
36:53Of course, the weather forecast looks perfect for a stroll into town tomorrow.
36:58But don't forget to vote on the way to the ice cream van.
37:01And can I just say, from all of us here, and of course, we would say this to candidates
37:05from all the parties, that we wish you the very best of luck winning Conchester.
37:10Well, of course, I'm hoping to continue to serve the fine people of Conchester.
37:14But frankly, I'm already the luckiest man alive.
37:17And in fact, Sarah and I expect to be rather busy in the coming months.
37:21Oh, well, wonderful.
37:21And as I...
37:22Because we're having a baby.
37:31I'm sorry, what?
37:35We could be happier, actually.
37:38Of course, things have changed since I first became a father.
37:40I gather men change nappies now.
37:44Well, and how wonderful to hear it here first on Cotswold Roundup.
37:50Now, after the break, pie, cottage, shepherds, or just humble?
37:54Christ!
37:56Oh, how the bloody hell did he find out?
37:58I didn't tell him, I swear.
38:00So we don't know who it was.
38:01We don't know what else they know.
38:06Oh, my God.
38:07I'm going to have to go through with it now.
38:15People have babies every day.
38:16You'll work it out.
38:19Go home and celebrate with your husband.
38:27It's uncensored tonight.
38:29Please, let me do the show.
38:30Please, let me be brilliant and make it up to you.
38:32You're in no state.
38:33BT will do without you as planned.
38:35But...
38:35We're not changing the show now.
38:38I told you you're off the show until you sort your little problem out.
38:41To my eyes, the problem has.
38:42If anything, it suddenly got rather bigger.
38:44Isn't it?
38:45Go on.
38:58We're going to do it tonight.
39:00Just as planned.
39:01Yes.
39:02All guns blazing.
39:05Chin chin.
39:13How did you find out?
39:14I saw Winifred pregnant a number of times.
39:16Remember?
39:17I know the signs.
39:20So...
39:21Were you planning on telling me at any point over the next six months?
39:24Or were you just going to...
39:25Pop out shopping Monday and come here with the baby?
39:29How could you expose me like that?
39:31On live television.
39:33Announcing it like it was part of your election campaign.
39:36I announced it.
39:38Because I think you might be under some pressure to get rid of it.
39:44I don't want you to.
39:48I heard Tony talking to you about determination.
39:54Don't I get a say?
39:59It's my child too.
40:08So selfish.
40:09I'm selfish.
40:10You were the one considering getting rid of it for all the sake of your career.
40:13Yeah, at least my career's going well.
40:15Do you know?
40:16A lot of women would be glad to have a baby with a father who's already been through it.
40:19Oh yeah, I'm sure you were really invaluable.
40:22Did you trap Winifred?
40:23Hmm?
40:24Like you've trapped me.
40:26Unlike you, she wasn't constantly on the lookout for an escape.
40:29Well, I bet she's glad she got one in the end.
40:31If you've disgusted her even half as much as you disgust me.
40:36God.
40:36Do you know?
40:37I'm done.
40:38I'm done.
40:41I hope you lose your seat to the monster raving loonies.
40:52Mama.
40:53Hey, sweetheart.
40:55Hey, Tab.
40:56Did you have a good time?
40:57Yes, we really did.
40:58Oh, hi.
40:59Hi.
40:59Mummy, this is Peggy.
41:00Yes.
41:01We've met before.
41:02She's a babysitter and she is brilliant.
41:04I'm taking her to meet Biscuit.
41:06Come on.
41:06Oh, wait.
41:06Oh.
41:07Mark, is he coming?
41:10Babysitter.
41:11Hm.
41:12She's Declan O'Hara's daughter.
41:14There was a woman here this morning with a film crew.
41:17Carinium.
41:18Did you speak to them?
41:19No, of course not.
41:20I told her to get the hell off of my driveway.
41:23You should know there's some people sniffing around.
41:25It's the election, probably.
41:29How is Venice?
41:30Oh, cultural heaven.
41:33You want to see the photos?
41:35No, thank you.
41:42Oh, he's lovely, isn't he?
41:45He'll say hello for a polo.
41:47Look.
41:48Do you want a polo biscuit?
41:52If that's a yes.
41:53Here you go.
41:54Oh, biscuit!
41:56I'll say hello to Taggy.
42:04Your children are very beautiful.
42:06Not surprising, I suppose, with such a beautiful mother.
42:10Is it agony when you see her now?
42:12Oh, agony.
42:12She bores the fucking tits on you.
42:14I can't think how I stayed married to her for seven years.
42:16I'm Elizabeth, but I don't know.
42:18Well, he's much older, isn't he?
42:19Yeah.
42:20When he talks about the war, he means the Crimean.
42:25Well...
42:25How did you meet him?
42:27He was my chef to keep.
42:29Oh, a chef, like me.
42:31No, um...
42:32Why?
42:32Chef, as in box, French.
42:34He ran the British showtopic team.
42:36Ah.
42:36I suppose he was my mentor.
42:39My Mr. Miyagi.
42:42Must have been hard to lose him to...
42:46The only thing that really...
42:48irks me is that...
42:50Malise succeeded where I failed.
42:56I can't honestly say that I've ever made any woman happy.
43:01Not for very long.
43:09I'll babysit any time you like.
43:11I mean, I don't want to tread on Cameron's toes.
43:13Oh, God.
43:13I wish Cameron could handle the kids as well as you do.
43:18You're gonna make an incredible mother one day.
43:25I wish...
43:33You're lovely with them.
43:36I've seen a different side of you today.
43:57It's been a lovely day.
43:59One of those days you don't want the sun to go down.
44:04You know, by the time Helen left me, I could hardly better look at her.
44:10Nothing she had done.
44:12Just cause of the hurt I could see in her eyes.
44:24I must never do it again.
44:30I mean it, Tag. I mustn't.
44:33I won't break you too.
44:41I mean it, Tag. I mustn't. I won't break you too.
44:46I did it.
44:48I left him. I left Paul.
44:50Oh, Jesus.
44:53I should go.
44:55Thanks for today. I'll call.
44:57I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go.
44:59No, I... I don't really have any friends.
45:14I love a cheese sandwich.
45:17Thanks, Shelley.
45:20Is that chutney?
45:21No, it's jam.
45:24We're back.
45:25It's Brad.
45:26Hello, guys.
45:27You're not back till tomorrow?
45:28We raced home to tell you the news.
45:30You tell them.
45:31No, you.
45:32The BBC called me at the hotel in Ireland.
45:35They'd greenlit Yeats.
45:37That, that's amazing.
45:38Oh, thank Christ.
45:41So now I can cut the tags off my Ventura T-shirt?
45:43You can.
45:47But, oh my God, they want it delivered in three months.
45:50We got an early flight back because there's so much to do.
45:52Let's get to work.
45:57Why was Taggy O'Hara here?
45:59Babysitting.
46:00I was worried when I found you with her in my pantry.
46:02She's far too young.
46:05What does age even mean?
46:08It's just a number.
46:09Yeah, it's just a number now.
46:10I can imagine what it'd be like in a few years.
46:12It'd be like me and Paul.
46:13Oh, God.
46:14Sarah.
46:17Why are you here?
46:19Uncensored's going out tonight without me.
46:22BT's presenting it solo and I think she's going to stitch me up.
46:27I think she knows something about me.
46:32And now everything's going to be ruined.
46:35She's going to crucify me live on national television.
46:39I think that's enough.
46:40Get off.
46:44Get off.
46:49Get off.
47:02Get off.
47:17We're going to go live.
47:21Five, four, three, two, one.
47:27And QBT.
47:29Good evening, and welcome to Uncensored,
47:33the naughtiest show on the network.
47:34The beady-eyed among you might have noticed I'm by myself this evening.
47:38Sarah's getting some rest.
47:40Due to the pregnancy announced this afternoon on Carinium,
47:43on tonight's very special edition,
47:45we uncover the scandal behind the polished facade of a national treasure.
47:48Here we go.
47:49Whatever she says about you, we'll work it out.
47:52Okay?
47:54Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell Black.
48:00You might want to fasten your seatbelts for this.
48:02It's going to be quite a ride.
48:22Oh
48:57Oh
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