00:00So you're in a serious relationship and you're trying to decide, is this the person I want to
00:03commit to long-term? Let's talk about the five non-negotiables that tell you whether this person
00:09is someone you can truly build a life with. Every couple goes through what I call the discernment
00:14phase. It's that stage between I'm all in and I'm still figuring it out. And in that space,
00:20you're not just asking, does this relationship feel good? You're asking, is this relationship
00:25healthy and sustainable? So here's what I look for being a therapist for over 15 years and happily
00:31married over 15 years. Number one, emotional accountability. Do they take ownership when
00:36they mess up or do they deflect, minimize, or blame you? Repair can only happen when both people say,
00:42yeah, it was on me. No accountability equals no real intimacy. Number two, emotional regulation.
00:48How do they handle anger, stress, sadness? Do they lash out, shut down, project, or can they
00:55take a breath? Name what they're feeling. Stay connected. If they can't regulate their emotions,
01:00they'll make you responsible for them. And that never ends well. Number three, self-awareness.
01:05Do they understand how their past, their family, their wounds, their patterns still show up in their
01:11present? Because if they can't see it, they'll just repeat it. Awareness is what allows growth,
01:17change, and healing to actually happen. Number four, alignment in how you give and receive love.
01:22You don't need to be identical, but you do need to be compatible. If your love language is quality
01:27time and theirs is avoidance, it's going to create pain. Healthy couples learn how to meet in the
01:32middle and tend to each other's needs, even if they're different. Number five, willingness to grow.
01:37This is a huge one. Long-term love is not about finding someone who's perfect. It's about finding
01:43someone who's willing, willing to evolve, willing to repair, willing to try again. Because relationships
01:49aren't static, you're both changing all the time. And if one person refuses to grow, the relationship
01:53stops growing. When you're asking yourself, is this my person? Don't just look for chemistry,
01:59look for accountability, regulation, awareness, alignment, and growth. That's the foundation
02:06of lasting love. That's what takes you from tension to tenderness. For more on creating healthy love,
02:11everything is linked in the bio.
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