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Your Friends & Neighbors Season 2 Episode 6
Transcript
00:08For something more exotic, like an orchid, you can also spring for a custom arrangement
00:17for free.
00:18We have a frame in the refrigerator.
00:21It's worth it.
00:40Your father-in-law weren't big on parties.
00:43Let me get one of these.
00:44Well, I just don't see why it has to be such a big to-do.
00:48You hired caterers, Mom.
00:49You don't have to actually do anything.
00:51How things help?
00:52There's always more work.
00:53They don't know where anything is.
00:55There's never enough food.
00:56There might be plenty of food.
00:59This house isn't big enough for so many people.
01:01Well, I'll offer you a hug.
01:03And how would that look?
01:33Dad?
01:35Dad?
01:36Dad?
01:38Dad?
02:06Dad?
02:06Dad?
02:12Dad?
02:22Dad?
02:24Dad?
02:26Dad?
02:41Dad?
02:43Dad?
02:46Dad?
02:59Dad?
03:13Dad?
03:13Dad?
03:13Dad?
03:32Dad?
03:40Dad?
03:41Dad?
04:08Dad?
04:10Dad?
04:11Dad?
04:22Dad?
04:34Dad?
04:51Dad?
04:52Dad?
04:53Dad?
04:54Dad?
05:20Dad?
05:22Dad?
05:23Dad?
05:32Dad?
05:33Dad?
05:35Dad?
05:45Dad?
05:53Dad?
05:54Dad?
05:54Dad?
05:55Dad?
06:06Dad?
06:10Dad?
06:11Dad?
06:12Dad?
06:13Dad?
06:18What about you? Are you going to be okay today?
06:20Me? Oh, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?
06:23It's okay if you're not.
06:25Thanks, but you don't have to worry about me.
06:28I'm sad, but in the dead dad way, not the bipolar way.
06:33Hey, Mom. You're saying beautifully.
06:36Thank you. And thanks for helping us out.
06:40Yeah, your mom made me add and remove the leaf to that table like the one.
06:44Yeah.
06:44I'm sorry.
06:45Hey. Why don't you take these upstairs?
06:48Mom, it's fine. I'm happy to help.
06:51I'm good. I'm glad because the caterer needs it.
06:54Oh, she really doesn't. She doesn't even know how to use a vegetable peeler.
06:58She knows how to prepare food, Mom. She does it for a living.
07:00Allie.
07:01It's not a problem. I will drop these off and then go figure out the whole peeler, non-peeler situation.
07:06Why don't you let me take those upstairs?
07:07Yeah, I got it.
07:08I can take them up.
07:09Why don't you get yourself a treat because I'm going to take you with one.
07:18You two don't behave like a divorced couple.
07:22Mom.
07:22You don't.
07:34Look at you.
07:40You are a woman.
07:42Isn't she glad?
07:44Am I allowed to say?
07:45You.
07:46You are the spitting image of your father at the same age.
07:50You still doing the acting?
07:53Music.
07:54Right.
07:55You know, my sister's brother-in-law was off Broadway once.
07:58I should connect you two.
07:59Again.
08:00Not acting.
08:01I think they sang, too.
08:03Didn't they sing, Glenn?
08:06Oh, there's more of me.
08:10Well, I'm sorry about your grandpa.
08:19How long do you need me to stay?
08:21I think the whole time.
08:25Oh, God.
08:26Mom keeps staring at me.
08:27I feel how badly she wants to lecture me.
08:29Okay, don't be a dick to her today.
08:31You're taking her side?
08:33I'm taking the side of whoever's not being a dick.
08:44That is a lot of cruises.
08:46Molly should come this year.
08:48She'll have a blast.
08:49Whoa, good luck getting her on a boat.
08:51I'm telling you, the single scene on these things
08:54puts Florida to shame.
08:58I love this.
09:00So we've worked together for over 20 years,
09:03and we did it.
09:04A secret Santa.
09:06Every Christmas, he had a running gag
09:10where no matter who got Ron, they'd give him socks.
09:14I don't get it.
09:16Was it the socks?
09:17Did they say something funny?
09:19No, it was just a running gag.
09:21Oh, thank you.
09:22Ron was always a good sport about it.
09:29Andrew.
09:31Linda Marshall, I can ask her with your mother.
09:33I'm so sorry for your loss.
09:37The Lord takes us when he takes us.
09:40That is literally true.
09:46You make such a lovely couple.
09:48Oh, you're sweet, but we've been divorced some time now.
09:51Well, my daughter Emily is divorced.
09:56I'll get you her number.
09:59Well, okay.
10:01Who's that?
10:02That's Hal Singer.
10:04Harley Stein.
10:05And that's me over there, looking like I don't know my ass from my elbow.
10:09Which one is my dad?
10:11He wasn't there that day.
10:18Hey, you okay?
10:28Yeah, I just met Sam.
10:30Well, step outside, get some fresh air.
10:32No, no, no.
10:32I'm fine.
10:33You need to tap out of this any time.
10:35Just tell me.
10:36No questions asked.
10:37Thanks.
10:38Same goes for you.
10:44Hey, hi.
10:45Sorry, we're late.
10:46Yeah, we had to make a stop.
10:48He threw up on his shoes.
10:50Oh, well.
10:52You're hungry?
10:54Maybe drink?
11:03Hey, come here.
11:07What happened?
11:09My father died.
11:11I really don't want to see him today.
11:14Oh, God, Mom, I'm not making a scene.
11:15You take your pills this morning.
11:17Jesus, Mom.
11:18I'm just saying.
11:23How are you holding up?
11:25Oh, I'll be doing better when all these people are gone.
11:29Is that a smudge?
11:32Maybe.
11:33Here.
11:35So, Nick is on TV now.
11:38How's that going?
11:40Oh, you know, we stopped seeing each other a while ago.
11:44You feeling all right, Jill?
11:47Hot, relax.
11:59Hold this on the back of your neck.
12:05Women die twice.
12:07God forbid we complain about it.
12:10Excuse me.
12:13You okay?
12:14Yeah.
12:15Yeah, if I stay down here, I'll just kill my mom in front of all of the guests.
12:18And then we'll have to come back here and do this all again next week.
12:20Hang on.
12:21I'll come with you.
12:25What are you doing?
12:27Which one?
12:29Hey, go.
12:29Exactly.
12:32Hey, brother.
12:33Hey.
12:33Oh.
12:34I'm so sorry.
12:37I brought you some Yamazaki.
12:39These are cool.
12:40You didn't have to come.
12:42Are you kidding?
12:42Of course I did.
12:44In times like these, you shouldn't be alone.
12:48Right.
12:49Well, uh, things are moving ahead with Baylor Russell.
12:53We should have the final paperwork next week.
12:55Well, we don't have to talk about that right now.
12:57What else are we going to talk about?
12:59Andy, do you want to keep your father's hedge clippers?
13:02If not, I'm going to give them to Neil.
13:05Neil can happen.
13:07And when you get a chance, I'd appreciate it if you would get that television set off
13:11the living room wall that's an eyesore.
13:13Maybe not today, Mom.
13:15Well, when's the next time I'm going to have a house full of strong backs?
13:19You must be Mrs. Cooper.
13:20I'm Owen Ash, very close friend of your son's.
13:23I'm so sorry for your loss.
13:24Thank you, dear.
13:25I lost my wife a few years back.
13:27Oh, I'm so sorry.
13:29Oh, it's like a sugar-coated grief is a motherfucker.
13:32Oh.
13:33The day of her funeral, it hadn't hit me yet.
13:35And so I kept looking at the door, thinking that she was just going to come walking in.
13:39It was her house, after all.
13:41Yeah, you have your good moments.
13:43That makes the bad moments land a little harder.
13:45But if you've got a wonderful family and they love and support you, you'll be okay.
13:49Oh.
13:53How old is that?
13:54I don't know.
13:56Hot doesn't expire.
13:57It's organic.
13:58I don't think that's true.
14:03Good enough.
14:04What'd you do this time?
14:06Well, apparently, everyone wanted to be sad except for me.
14:12I couldn't cry at my dad's funeral without her wanting to lobotomize me.
14:16I think she blames me for his tip.
14:19Why?
14:21He was always worried about me.
14:23Didn't make it easy on him.
14:26I love you.
14:28Yeah.
14:30I don't like the idea that he was stressed out his entire life because of me.
14:35Please.
14:35She stressed him out way more than you did.
14:40You know, being the family fuck-up isn't all it's cracked up to be.
14:44Being the golden child isn't any better.
14:47Sorry, not to make it about me.
14:49Oh, no.
14:50Please.
14:50Say more.
14:52I don't know.
14:54I guess I should have started fucking up way sooner.
14:57Yeah, that would have helped.
14:59Do you ever wonder how easy our life would be if you were boys?
15:04Like, mid?
15:05Yeah.
15:05Just two totally unremarkable dudes.
15:08You skate by.
15:14Is that weed?
15:19Man, when my dad died, I think I was in shock for like a month.
15:23I guess I thought he'd live forever.
15:25Yeah.
15:26Never thought I'd be that shocked again.
15:29Then came Athens.
15:31Nobody saw it coming.
15:32Heart still breaks every time I look at that bronze medal.
15:36Right.
15:36Okay.
15:37I guess I'm saying it gets better, man.
15:40But it also gets worse.
15:42Thank you for that.
15:45No, any time.
15:47When I die, I want to be cremated.
15:49No question.
15:50I just don't get why anybody would want to be burned like trash.
15:52Well, I'd rather be burned than eaten by worms.
15:54Plus, there's this thing now where they can turn your remains into a diamond.
15:59You'd just be carrying out my wishes.
16:01Still, I couldn't.
16:02I could.
16:03If it came to quality of life, I'd rip that cord right out of the wall.
16:07Thanks, honey.
16:08You know you don't literally pull the plug, right?
16:11You just make the call.
16:13That's less enticing.
16:18I've been researching some of that anti-aging stuff.
16:20Testosterone.
16:21HGH.
16:22I mean, it's not as out there as people think.
16:24I've been getting vampire facials for years.
16:26Vitamins.
16:27Hormones.
16:28Stem cell infusions.
16:30Hey, you better believe.
16:31I'll be talking my kids into pumping their blood into my veins.
16:34Why not, right?
16:36Are you and Hunter the same blood type?
16:39You should find out.
16:41You should.
16:44Diane had our plots picked up years ago.
16:46Yeah.
16:46Of course I did.
16:47All the good spots get snapped up.
16:49If I left it to him, we'd be buried on opposite sides of the cemetery.
16:54That's why they call it resting in peace.
17:05You have to start taking this stuff seriously, Coop.
17:07Heart disease runs in families.
17:09You're reaching that age, man.
17:10It's not like you've had a stress-free life.
17:12Finance guys kill over at their desks all the time.
17:15It's a thing.
17:16Remember Johnny Aruta?
17:24Yeah, my dad was a bull in a china shop, right?
17:27Everywhere he went.
17:28Because one time, he noticed inventory was light, right?
17:30So he goes and checks in.
17:31So if he goes, it's a port-level issue.
17:32So he takes himself all the way to Brooklyn Piers in the middle of winter, asks his guys
17:36what's going on, right?
17:37No one's talking.
17:39Okay.
17:39So he elbows his way onto this massive freighter.
17:41I'm talking about one of those huge shits, right?
17:43Arena class, 1,300 feet, propellers like the size of your house.
17:47Now, the guys start getting antsy because, you know, they got a schedule to keep.
17:50And this really pisses him off.
17:52So he storms into the bridge, starts messing with the controls, right?
17:56Trying to cut the engines, which I guess is some sort of union violation because this
18:01huge longshoreman's association motherfucker comes after him and says, you can't touch shit.
18:05My dad gets in his face, yells at him, these are my men, these are my goods, I'll
18:09touch whatever the fuck I want.
18:11Somebody throws the first punch, they get into it.
18:15Long story short, they both fall overboard.
18:18Yeah, 80 foot drop into the river and then right under the hull.
18:24Jesus, it's a horrible way to die.
18:26Oh no, my dad died at 78, stage 4 colon cancer.
18:30What are you going to do?
18:36My legs is missing, fuck.
18:39Oh wait, there it is.
18:46Stay still.
18:47It's organic.
18:49The only reason I'm doing this is because you're mad at me.
18:54And you know.
18:55Jeff.
19:00It is decidedly so.
19:05God damn it.
19:07What?
19:07This goddamn dog.
19:09Wait, let me see.
19:11Oh, hi, buddy.
19:13Oh, are you a good boy?
19:14He's not a good boy.
19:15He took giant dumps on my lawn.
19:19God, I've told these people a million times, please keep your dog off our lawn.
19:22I don't think that's so much to ask, to have your dog stay in your own yard.
19:27Now you should see these people are so fucking condescending with their whole, like, my dog
19:30is my child bullshit.
19:31Really?
19:32Would you have your kid shitting all over my lawn?
19:39Mom?
19:39What?
19:41Mom?
19:41You sound unhinged.
19:42I'm not unhinged.
19:43I'm totally hinged.
19:45Okay.
19:46You're perseverating.
19:47I regret teaching you that word.
19:49I move out.
19:50And you go full next door narc.
19:52Excuse me, how could I be a narc?
19:54I'm literally doing drugs with my daughter.
19:56Is Mel a narc?
20:00Reply hazy.
20:00Try again.
20:01It knows we're high.
20:07You know what I need?
20:08A job.
20:09A fuck.
20:10A life.
20:10Okay, wow, I was going to say snacks.
20:12Well, snacks are downstairs.
20:14Too far.
20:15Yeah, now that's a non-starter.
20:39Well, snacks are first.
20:41Help me out.
20:43Woo!
20:46Wow.
20:47That's such a beautiful photo.
20:48Look at you.
20:49You look like a young Grace Kelly.
20:51Oh, shush.
20:52I mean it.
20:53Spitting image.
20:53Oh, gosh.
20:54I bet you had to beat him away with a stick, didn't you?
20:56No.
20:57Yeah.
21:08Hey.
21:10Did you hear from Bailey Russell?
21:12Why is Jack sending you flowers?
21:14I'm doing a deal with him.
21:16Jack, are you kidding me?
21:17Well, I'm on the other side of the table.
21:19It's completely different.
21:20The man screwed you.
21:23Sorry, are you high right now?
21:25What?
21:28No.
21:29Well, okay, yeah.
21:30They're like, hi, hi.
21:32Why, am I acting weird?
21:34You know what?
21:35I don't care.
21:36I'm not going to apologize.
21:38Because your mother is a bot.
21:42Yeah, that she is.
21:43She is.
21:44All that and a bag of chips.
21:46What?
21:46Three of chips.
21:50What happened to your bud?
21:52Nothing.
21:53I'm fine.
21:53Sweetheart, you are 16 years old.
21:54You have got to get better at lying to me.
21:58He trip.
21:59See?
21:59Like that.
22:04Is Grandma pissed at us?
22:06No, that's just her face whenever I walk into a room.
22:09You get used to it.
22:11I'm not like that, am I?
22:12Don't pull yourself short, Mom.
22:30Where's my TV?
22:33Hey, Poe, what the fuck?
22:35Hello?
22:35Where are you going?
22:36Wait, wait, hold up, hold up, hold up.
22:38What's wrong?
22:39What the fuck are you doing?
22:40Your mom asked us to take it down, so we're just bringing it to the garage.
22:42No, she was mistaken.
22:44Please, just put it back.
22:48Really?
22:49Jesus Christ.
22:50I'm sorry.
22:51I'm not really sure about it.
22:52She doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about, and I don't even know what the fuck
22:54you're doing here.
22:56That's degree talking.
22:57No, it isn't.
22:58Look, it was an honest mistake.
22:59I'm sorry.
23:01Yeah, I'm fine.
23:05Is that my dad's belt?
23:07Well, yeah, your mom gave it to me, so it looked nice with my suit.
23:10Wow.
23:13Andy.
23:14Where's Mom?
23:14I don't know.
23:15She's around here somewhere.
23:16What'd I miss?
23:17Nothing.
23:17I just need to find her.
23:18Well, I think you need to calm down.
23:19I'm fine.
23:20No, you don't look fine.
23:20You look like you're about to murder a widow with a flat screen, and believe me, nobody
23:24wants that more than me, but not today.
23:26Not today, Andy.
23:27Are you high, too?
23:28Yeah.
23:29You want some?
23:30It's stale but strong.
23:32No, thank you.
23:33Okay, well, you need to take a break.
23:34What?
23:35Yeah.
23:35Uh, tap out.
23:36Go to your room.
23:37I'll handle down the fort down here.
23:39She's giving away his stuff.
23:40Well, she's a real bitch on wheels, but what's new?
23:43Allie.
23:43Go.
23:45Go.
23:47Go.
23:47Go.
24:00Go.
24:03Go.
24:04Go.
25:05The family seal told you who the letter was from. It told the family who they were, too. Or who
25:11they thought they were.
25:14Only a fool would give Cartier cufflinks to a man who regularly shopped the Brooks Brothers sale rack.
25:19I doubt Ron Cooper even had a shirt that took cufflinks.
25:22But it was his birthday and I wanted to give him something nice.
25:25So I went with a pair of $4,800 designer cufflinks that he apparently never took out of the box.
25:32Like all gifts, this one said more about the giver than the recipient.
25:36And I didn't love what it said about me.
25:38I didn't love what it said about me.
26:08Hey, how dare you?
26:10I don't know why. You have to take everything so personally.
26:13I take it personally because you're attacking my person.
26:15What is going on here?
26:16I don't know, but we can't get out.
26:18What happened there?
26:19Nothing. Fine.
26:20Hey, Mel, this is exactly like what we were talking about upstairs.
26:23You were talking about me?
26:25Of course not.
26:25What's all this thing?
26:26Just tell her what you told me.
26:28You know what? This is a family matter. I just don't think I should get involved.
26:31No, you should not.
26:32Mom.
26:33What? She's not family anymore.
26:34Oh, okay.
26:35Wow.
26:35Okay, can we all just dial the temperature bell a little bit?
26:37You know what? I have been biting my tongue all goddamn day and she just keeps poking at me.
26:41She pokes. It's a poke-a-poke-a-poke.
26:43It's like she wants me to go off so she can poke me about that.
26:46I don't know what you're attacking about.
26:47My husband just stopped.
26:48Okay, okay.
26:49Allie, Allie, I think you need to tap out.
26:51Okay, why don't you just go to your room, take a deep breath, calm down.
26:54She's a woman. You can't send her to her room.
26:57I'm sorry, I thought you said you weren't getting involved.
26:59I say a lot of things.
27:00Hold on!
27:02What in the sweet fuck are you doing here?
27:04Your mom invited us.
27:05And you thought it would be a good idea to come?
27:09I assume she cleared it with you.
27:11No, she did not!
27:13I'm really sorry about Ron. He was a good man.
27:15Oh, thanks, Bruce. Now why don't you just go fuck off?
27:18Hi, Joan.
27:19Allison!
27:19God, I cannot believe you would fucking invite him!
27:21That's ancient history. I just assumed we had all moved on.
27:24Bruce certainly has.
27:25Oh, if he had moved on, he wouldn't have fucked me last year, huh?
27:29Damn it, Allie.
27:30Wait, wait, this is that Bruce? Like, fuck Bruce Bruce?
27:33Allie, I thought he'd be way hotter.
27:34Don't worry.
27:35Excuse her. She's high.
27:36What? You're getting high with the children now?
27:38We had a breakthrough.
27:39Oh, my God, really?
27:40Yeah.
27:41I think we should probably leave.
27:42Yes, I think so, too.
27:44Nonsense! You just got here.
27:46Are you fucking kidding me?
27:48Joan is my friend!
27:50Okay, new plan. New plan. Joan, please stay. Bruce, kindly fuck off.
27:54I'm all right.
27:55I swear to God, Bruce.
28:03Get my hair, get my hair, Marty.
28:07Oh, my God, I'm so, so sorry.
28:09Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
28:21Let me get on.
28:35I don't like the way it's, I don't like the way it's looking.
28:44I get caught looking in the mirror on the regular.
28:52And what I see there resembles some competitive.
28:57I see things behind things, behind things.
29:02And there are rings within rings, within rings.
29:12Bye!
29:13Yeah!
29:41What can I get you?
29:42Size 12, please.
29:44Got it.
30:20Hi.
30:21Sorry, you were at the cemetery.
30:23Elaine, naft.
30:24Hi.
30:25Andrew Cooper.
30:26I know.
30:27Do you want to sit down?
30:29Uh, sure.
30:30Yes, I'd love to.
30:38So, how did you know my dad?
30:39We were on a bowling team together.
30:42We met every Thursday for the past 10 years.
30:46I thought the bowling team disbanded years ago.
30:50We didn't let that stop us.
30:53Oh.
30:56I see you.
30:58So you've...
31:01Does that shock you?
31:05He was a pretty straight-laced guy.
31:07He was.
31:08He was also a lot of other things.
31:12Is that so?
31:18They loved you very much.
31:20I'm sure you know that.
31:22Yeah.
31:25He talked about you a lot.
31:27You and your sister.
31:30It's funny you never mentioned you at all.
31:33No.
31:34I don't suppose he would.
31:37So what was the plan?
31:38You guys were going to run off together or something?
31:40God, no.
31:41We were both too old for that.
31:44I think we were...
31:48just lonely in the same way.
31:52And having each other...
31:55Well, it made things better.
31:59Is it weird that it makes me happy to hear that?
32:06Honestly, I thought we'd had more time.
32:09Yeah.
32:11You and me both.
32:14He worried about you, you know?
32:16Well, I got into some trouble last year, but...
32:20it's all sorted out.
32:21No, he worried about you before that.
32:23He worried you might never be happy.
32:30Does anyone?
32:31I'd like to think he was.
32:33Yeah, I don't know.
32:34He took a lot of shit.
32:34At home, at work.
32:38I think sometimes it felt like he'd just given up.
32:43Is that funny?
32:45You're exactly like you said.
32:47What do you mean?
32:49You're angry at the world.
32:52Well, the world can be a shitty place.
32:54Maybe.
32:56Maybe there's something in you that expects too much out of it.
32:59So I should just settle for less.
33:03Like you do.
33:04You think he settled?
33:06I think he deserved more.
33:17Ron's life might have looked small to you, but the way he saw it, he had his whole world under
33:21one roof.
33:24That made him happy.
33:32I already miss him.
33:39You and me both, honey.
33:45You really believe that he was happy?
33:48I think he was happy by nature.
33:51I think he found things to be happy about.
33:55And for everything else, there was bowling.
34:01Yeah.
34:04Yeah.
34:32Yeah.
34:33I think he's not happy about that.
34:44I think his celebration was long.
34:48He's a good guy.
34:48He's a bad guy.
34:48One, two, two, one, two, one.
34:49No, he's a big man.
34:50He's a big man.
34:53He's a big man.
34:58I'm gonna be happy about y'all.
37:52Hello?
37:54There's three of us.
37:55She's a size three.
37:56He's a nine.
37:58I'm a couple.
37:58Keeping your heart full of...
38:04Keeping your heart full of...
38:16Keeping your heart full of...
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