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Jimmy Kimmel Live - Season 24 - Episode 15: Kaley Cuoco, Kermit the Frog, The Format
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00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Kaley Cuoco, Kermit the Frog,
00:08plus music from The Format with the Tlee Tones.
00:13And now, Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:31Hi, everybody. I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for watching.
00:35Thank you for joining us.
00:37Welcome to our viewers around the world.
00:39We are coming to you from Hollywood, California
00:42in the highly dysfunctional United States of America
00:45where, as of just about an hour ago,
00:47we were again staring at another government shutdown.
00:50The last shutdown was only two months ago in November.
00:53It went on for 43 days.
00:55And we almost wound up with another one
00:57because Republicans were reluctant to make an agreement
01:00that would require ICE to comply with the same rules
01:04that other law enforcement agencies have to follow.
01:07For example, not murdering innocent people.
01:10The Democrats were refusing to fund the DHS until that happened.
01:14The good news is they were able to make some kind of agreement
01:16without having to pull an all-nighter.
01:19The bad news is that means they had no excuse
01:21not to go to Melania's documentary premiere tonight.
01:24The good news is bigger than the bad news.
01:28Melania, Melania Trump, as you know, got a movie deal.
01:31Amazon paid her $28 million for a doctor.
01:35Everything is just so deeply corrupt, but also preposterous.
01:40Case in point, Donald Trump has a new celebrity friend.
01:44I don't know if you've seen this, but her name is Nicki Minaj.
01:46Nicki Minaj was in the Oval Office.
01:48You can see her there grouping with a group of men
01:51who would normally call the police on her.
01:54And Donald Trump just delighted, taking it all in.
01:57He's so happy.
01:58This relationship has been brewing for quite some time,
02:01ever since COVID nearly exploded Nicki's cousin's friend's balls.
02:06And, of course, Trump was delighted.
02:09He, uh, he's never happier than when a rapper shows up to lavish him with praise.
02:14Hello, guys.
02:15I'm with my favorite president, the best president of all time.
02:22And I'm with the Queen of Rap.
02:29You know, in a better world, that would have been the open to a new reality dating show on VH1.
02:35Of course, this is all very puzzling, especially because of what's going on in Minneapolis.
02:40Nicki Minaj, not only is she not a U.S. citizen, she came here undocumented as a child from Trinidad.
02:45She is exactly who ICE has been rounding up.
02:49He invites her to the Oval Office.
02:51But if you're Nicki Minaj and you pledge allegiance to Orange Julius, it's different, I guess.
02:57It's so different, in fact, that Nicki Minaj is now in possession of a Trump gold card.
03:01There, she posted that.
03:03These are the visas Trump has been selling for a million dollars a pop.
03:07If you buy one, you get lawful permanent residence status.
03:10But she didn't buy one.
03:11She said she got it for free.
03:13He gave it to her.
03:14She gets a gold card.
03:15He gets a famous black friend.
03:17It's what you call the art of the deal.
03:20But this is just nuts.
03:21Those cards are supposed to cost a million dollars, which is crazy in and of itself.
03:27But also, that money, it goes to us, not to him.
03:30He can't just comp someone because she kisses his big white ass.
03:34I mean, he really thinks that he owns the country.
03:37Is he going to start handing our stuff out now?
03:40Nicki, how do you like a monument?
03:42What do you want?
03:42Washington?
03:43Lincoln, Lincoln.
03:45Take a Lincoln.
03:45What about a nuclear weapon?
03:47You can use it on Cardi B.
03:49What do you think?
03:51You know what Obama used to give out?
03:53M&Ms.
03:54You go to the White House, you get a little box of M&Ms.
03:57Trump's swag bag is full of citizenship.
04:00Trump also has a new word he's been using a lot lately.
04:03You're going to be hearing it regularly.
04:04It's boom.
04:05He and his minions keep saying, look out economy, get ready for the Trump boom.
04:10Boom.
04:11They gave us doom and gloom and I'm building the Trump economic boom.
04:16It's a boom.
04:17When America booms, the entire world booms.
04:19Booming like it never boomed before.
04:21You go here and boom, boom, boom.
04:23It goes up.
04:24Boom.
04:25Boom.
04:25Boom.
04:25Just before we landed.
04:26Boom.
04:27It just went boom.
04:28This guy gets up.
04:29Boom.
04:30You go boom, boom.
04:31And now you're in guitar.
04:32It's called President Xi, boom.
04:34Abdul is the head of the Taliban.
04:36Boom.
04:36Get out of here.
04:37Get out.
04:38Boom.
04:38Boom.
04:39Boom.
04:39Boom.
04:40Boom.
04:41Boom.
04:41Boom.
04:42Boom.
04:55Trump's FBI. You know, the FBI that had been working against him for so many years under Obama and Biden,
05:00the liberal FBI.
05:01Well, now he has the FBI raiding the elections office in Fulton County, Georgia, as part of an investigation into
05:09his widely debunked and ridiculed claims of voter fraud in the 2020 election.
05:14Yesterday, the FBI went in. They seized all the ballots in the voter rolls in a predominantly black county, a
05:20county that voted for Joe Biden.
05:21They took all the private information and transported it to an unknown location, even though we already had an investigation
05:28into these allegations.
05:30Georgia did an audit and their Republican secretary of state said they found no evidence of fraud.
05:36In other words, the election in 2020 wasn't rigged, but it's about to be.
05:41It is highly unusual for the federal government to do something to intervene in an election.
05:46They're supposed to be run by the states. And to make things even more suspicious, look who showed up to
05:50watch them take the stuff.
05:52That is former Democrat turned conspiracy theorist, turned national director of intelligence under Trump, Tulsi Gabbard, whose department should have
06:01nothing to do with something like this lurking in the shadows on her phone.
06:05And no one knows why. Actually, we do know why.
06:07Trump didn't fix the economy or grocery prices or health care.
06:11So now he has to fix the midterm election so they can win, which has local officials in Fulton County
06:16concerned.
06:18Now, we do not know where our election records have been taken or what will happen to them.
06:24While they were here, they were safe and they secure.
06:29Once they left Fulton County, our election center, I don't know where they are.
06:34I don't know who has them. I don't know what they're doing with them.
06:38Don't worry, I'm sure they're safe and sound in a room with the Epstein files.
06:41They're going to be OK.
06:43And then we have the new sheriff of ICE, Trump's border czar, Tom Holman, who is in Minneapolis now doing
06:50his best to right the ship.
06:53President of the United States called me Monday morning and asked me to deploy here.
06:58Got here Monday evening and I'm staying until the problem is gone.
07:05Wait, but you are the problem.
07:08The problem can't stay until the problem is gone because the problem is the problem.
07:14It's just physically impossible.
07:16Holman spoke very highly of his proud boys in ICE, but also gave his word that officers who don't act
07:22with professionalism will be dealt with like any other federal agency.
07:26Oh, good. The guy who took a bag of cash with $50,000 in it is going to make sure
07:30they behave professionally.
07:32A smattering of Republicans have stepped forward to criticize the damaged brains behind this operation, including Senator Tom Tillis of
07:40North Carolina, who is not running for reelection and also not getting an invite to the Mar-a-Lago Super
07:45Bowl party this year.
07:46They're discrediting what I consider to be a very, a very well organized operation in ICE, but they're discrediting even
07:54these officers.
07:55They're going to make their job more difficult and more dangerous with this incompetence that I'm seeing out of Naum
07:59and out of Stephen Miller.
08:00The president called you a loser, I believe.
08:02I am thrilled about that. That makes me qualified to be Homeland Security Secretary and senior advisor to the president.
08:13What you talking about, Tillis?
08:16I'm guessing Tom Tillis was not invited to the big movie premiere tonight.
08:20The main event in Washington, the premiere of Melania's documentary, not since The Terminator, has there been this much excitement
08:28for a movie about a European cyborg.
08:30Among the luminaries in attendance were Beyonce, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lady Gaga.
08:36Oh, no, wait, it was Dr. Phil and Waka Flock of Flame.
08:40In addition to President Cecil B. de Windmill, the guest list included disgraced former New York City Mayor Eric Adams,
08:47Dr. Oz, Todd and Julie Chrisley, RFK.
08:51It was either a movie premiere or season 35 of Dancing with the Stars.
08:55The premiere was not without controversy. Poor Eric Trump. He kept yelling chicken jockey at the screen. They had to
09:02throw him out.
09:03I, of course, I have no idea if this movie is any good or not, but I will say I've
09:08thoroughly enjoyed Melania's press tour, Fox News in particular.
09:11They've really been able to show us a side of this woman that we have not seen.
09:16Can I ask a question I've been dying to ask?
09:19Yes.
09:19Yes, but you're going to think that it's kind of a, I mean, you all might think it's kind of
09:23a weird question, but I've always been curious, what is your favorite time of day?
09:29Can I?
09:31I've always wondered that, too. What is your favorite time of day?
09:34Is it 10? Is it 2.15?
09:39Only the softest of balls for our First Lady.
09:42What's your favorite time of day?
09:44Her favorite time of day is any time Donald is taking a nap.
09:49Amazon, by the way.
09:52Man, oh, man. Amazon shelled out $40 million to make this movie and another $35 million to promote it, which
10:00is so much more than probably any documentary ever.
10:04But they want you to know that this had nothing to do with the fact that her husband is a
10:09petty, vengeful bloodsucker.
10:11A spokesperson for Amazon said, we licensed the film for one reason and one reason only, because we think customers
10:17are going to love it.
10:19And then she laughed and laughed until they had to carry her away.
10:22It is so funny watching these suck-ups like Maria Byrd or Romo act like this woman, like Melania, is
10:30some kind of business genius because of how much money she got for this.
10:34This is the highest paid documentary ever.
10:37How did you negotiate such a deal?
10:40When I had an idea, I approached my agent and he went out and bid to many streamers.
10:49And Amazon was the best one because what I wanted to do is to put the product, the film, into
10:59the theaters.
11:00She wanted to put the film into the theaters.
11:03And is that so wrong?
11:07And they're at the theaters tonight.
11:10For whatever reason, they keep bragging about how Melania was involved, how involved she was in every aspect of this
11:16film, as if that's a good thing for a documentary about yourself.
11:20I'm sure the Tiger King would have liked to have final edit, too.
11:23But God bless her.
11:25She does seem to have spent a lot of time on it.
11:28People will see it.
11:29We'll see fashion.
11:30They will listen to incredible music that I picked for every scene.
11:36I wanted to set up a mood.
11:38And also, I got a special score for that movie, my original score, that it's called Melania's Vaults.
11:49Wow, and where does that original score come from?
11:52It's specially made for the movie.
11:54How wonderful.
11:56Oh, the original score is original?
12:01How wonderful.
12:02The director of the film, Brett Ratner, has been out of the business for quite some time after being accused
12:08by multiple women of sexual misconduct.
12:11So Melania felt right at home on set.
12:13It was like family.
12:15There appears to be some kind of an embargo on reviews of the film.
12:21They are not allowing reviews, which is what the studios typically do when a movie's really good.
12:25But reviews alone don't always mean success at the box office.
12:29So to give our first lady a hand, we sent our team to the local theater.
12:33We asked people passing by to be part of, you know those audience response commercials that people come out of
12:38the theater and they say, I love?
12:39We asked people to do that for Melania, even though they haven't seen it yet, in the B-Best edition
12:45of Lies Camera Action.
12:51We're shooting one of those commercials where people come out of a movie theater, they've just seen the movie and
12:56they're talking about it.
12:57This is for the new movie Melania, Third Wife's a Charm, coming out on the 30th.
13:01So, can we get you to act like you just came out of the theater, you just saw Melania and
13:05you loved it, okay?
13:07There's no f***ing way.
13:09You, ma'am, did you just see Melania?
13:11Sorry, I'm so anti-Trump, it's not even funny.
13:14Oh, no, no, this isn't pro-Trump, this isn't pro-Trump.
13:16I don't.
13:17It's pro-Melania.
13:18You, sir, did you just see Melania?
13:20I did, it was amazing.
13:21What did you like about it?
13:26That's pretty good.
13:28What did you think of that intimate scene in the bedroom where Donald asked Melania to spank him with the
13:33Epstein files?
13:36It was uncomfortable, but appropriate.
13:40You know what, for people who haven't seen it, can you do me a favor?
13:43Can I just get you to reenact it for a second?
13:46Here's the Epstein files, and let's bring in our Donald.
13:50Now, lean over, Donald.
13:51You are a disgusting pig.
13:53You are a disgusting pig.
13:56You are a disgusting pig.
13:58Talk a little bit about that bedroom scene.
14:00Were you surprised by the length and the color of the president's nipples?
14:03Yes, his nipples were very long, and I was very impressed.
14:09So they have one of those collectible popcorn buckets for Melania?
14:13Oh, wow.
14:13But since it's Slovenia, they don't eat popcorn there, they eat sauerkraut.
14:17Just pop that open and take a bite of the sauerkraut.
14:21I'm a Melania.
14:23Big bite, big bite.
14:27It's all about the crowd.
14:30It's all about the crowd.
14:32We're trying to appeal to all the different conservative groups who might go to see the movie.
14:36Right, I got it.
14:36Can I get you to throw in a costume or two as all the different demographics who might go see
14:40it?
14:41So here, put that on.
14:42Oh, God, this is going to be the death of me.
14:46So you're going to say, as a diehard MAGA, this movie makes Melania great again.
14:51As a diehard MAGA, this movie makes Melania great again.
14:55Okay, we're going to change up.
14:57As a proud boy from Peoria, I'm storming the theater to see Melania.
15:02As a flat earther from Fargo, I'd follow Melania to the end of the earth.
15:07As a gay conversion camp counselor from Cucamonga, I'm going straight to see Melania.
15:14As a QAnon from Carolina, Melania made me horny.
15:19As an anti-Baxter from Annapolis, I'm not immune to Melania.
15:24As a trad wife from Tampa, I'd love to see Melania if my husband says it's all right.
15:29As a Cracker Barrel Karen, I demand to see your manager.
15:33And Melania.
15:34Okay, now let's try a couple groups from the left.
15:37As an antifa from Atlanta, I say no kings, but yas queen.
15:43As an illegal immigrant from Illinois, I...
15:46Right this way, let's go.
15:47Cracker and Melania.
15:48I want my daughters to grow up and be just like Melania.
15:52Our melanin melts from Melania.
15:55I can't believe how long the president's nipples were.
15:58Melania, it grabs you by the and never lets go.
16:02Brett Ratner's done it again.
16:03And this time, I don't mean denied multiple assault allegations.
16:11It looks great.
16:12We have a fun show tonight.
16:14Kermit the Frog is here.
16:15We have Mizra from The Format.
16:16And we'll be right back with Kaley Cuoco.
16:27We have a fun show.
16:31Hey, there.
16:32Welcome back.
16:33Tonight, the world's most famous amphibian.
16:36He is host of The Muppet Show.
16:38Kermit the Frog is with us.
16:39And then over.
16:40A new album.
16:42This is it.
16:43It comes out tomorrow.
16:43It's called Boycott Heaven, music from The Format.
16:47Next week.
16:49We're working next week, Guillermo, so make sure to be here.
16:52All right.
16:52I will be here.
16:53We've got new shows with top shelf guests, including Kate Hudson, Milo Ventimiglia, Odessa
16:58Zion, Alex Honnold.
17:00You know the guy who climbed the building?
17:02Yeah.
17:03A six-year-old kid named Duke McLeod.
17:07That's good, right?
17:08Michael Irvin will be here.
17:09Ted Danson will be here.
17:10We'll have music from Cassius Culpepper and Whitney, too.
17:13So please join us for all that.
17:14Our first guest tonight, you fell in love with on one of the biggest, bangiest sitcoms
17:20of all time.
17:21Her latest is a mystery called Vanished.
17:24It premieres Sunday on MGM+.
17:26Please welcome Kaley Cuoco.
17:44How are you doing?
17:45Hi!
17:46Great to see you.
17:47You look fantastic.
17:48Very sparkly.
17:49It's good to be here.
17:50Are you excited about Kermit?
17:52You know what?
17:53I have some beef with Kermit.
17:54Oh, you do?
17:55I have been trying to get on Sesame Street for like 20 years.
17:59Is that true?
17:59Yes, and I know he's here, and I'd like you to put in a good word.
18:02Okay.
18:03I will put in a good word.
18:03I've been pitching myself.
18:05Trying to get on.
18:06We want to get on that show.
18:08I find it hard to believe that you haven't been asked 25 times to be on Sesame Street.
18:12Never.
18:13Really?
18:14Never.
18:14Did you ever mention to them that you would be interested in being on Sesame Street?
18:19I never thought I'd run into Kermit, so the fact that he's here tonight, I have a lot
18:23of things I need to say to him.
18:24Yeah, yeah.
18:24I'd like to get on.
18:25I mean, I have a kid.
18:26This is a big deal.
18:27It sure is.
18:27A lot of people, we want to get on so our kids can see us on Sesame Street.
18:30You know, that is a big thing.
18:31I will tell you, though, I've been on Sesame Street.
18:33I have.
18:34How was it?
18:35Please tell me, what was it like?
18:36That's why I can't believe you haven't been on Sesame Street.
18:38Please tell me, what was it like?
18:39It was great, first of all.
18:42Really, honestly, a dream come true.
18:44Oh, God.
18:45All right.
18:45Honestly.
18:45That's great.
18:46Because I was born in 1967, like right when Sesame Street started, when there were no other
18:51shows to watch.
18:52No, it's a big deal.
18:53That's what I was watching.
18:54That is a big deal.
18:55We play that a lot in our house.
18:57I thought it would be a big deal for my kids.
18:59Wasn't.
19:00They didn't care.
19:00I thought it would be a big deal for my niece.
19:02Wasn't.
19:03The kids did not care.
19:05Really?
19:06Yeah.
19:06They're like, oh, yeah, there you are.
19:07Yeah, I guess.
19:08I mean, she doesn't care what I'm on now, so I guess she's not going to care.
19:12She's almost three.
19:13Oh, she's almost three.
19:14Yeah.
19:15They just don't understand.
19:16They're just like, yeah, it's like, yeah, they're, oh, sure, you met Sesame Street.
19:19I know.
19:19Why am I trying to impress her?
19:21It's like, I'm desperate for her to watch me on something, because she doesn't care.
19:25I'm like, I'm on Sesame Street, but I'm not.
19:28She's not watching Vanished, your new to me series?
19:30No.
19:30No.
19:30She's watched a lot.
19:31She hasn't watched Vanished yet.
19:32She's watched, you know, she likes Hunger Games and Succession.
19:36Okay.
19:36But not, not Vanished yet.
19:38Yeah.
19:39Is she the sunshine of your life?
19:40Is she?
19:41Yeah.
19:41Yeah.
19:41She is the sunshine of our life, little Matilda.
19:44Does she come in your room in the middle of the night?
19:46Absolutely not.
19:47No.
19:47She is not allowed in our room.
19:49Oh.
19:50I know, I know.
19:51Let's see everyone say something tomorrow.
19:52Let's see what they say.
19:54We, we enjoy the prison that is the crib.
19:57Oh, you do?
19:58Okay.
19:58How long will you keep her in the crib?
20:00Till those little feet start getting, just getting out of those holes.
20:03Yeah, right.
20:03She's all ready and it's getting a little bit close, but it's all we have left.
20:07Now she's opening doors.
20:08She's, this is all, I put her in there and I know the night is done.
20:12And I will leave her in there as long as humanly possible.
20:15Yeah.
20:15It's all we have.
20:16Well, sometimes they'll just naturally like to stay, like our daughter never comes in,
20:20but our son comes in every single night.
20:22Our daughter has like not seen our bed.
20:26Oh, wow.
20:26I know.
20:27We, we just, we decided early on, we were like, I don't think she should come in.
20:31Like we didn't want her in the bed.
20:32It's better for them if they stay, but it's fun when they come into the bed.
20:34Oh, I, yeah.
20:35Well, she, she hasn't seen ours yet, so I'll let you know.
20:39I'll let you know.
20:40Um, has she tried climbing out of the thing?
20:43Oh my God.
20:43So she tried climbing out once.
20:46It didn't go well.
20:47I was like, yes.
20:49And she never tried it again.
20:51Oh.
20:51Oh, yeah.
20:51No, she, it didn't go well.
20:53She's fine.
20:54She's not adventurous is what you're saying.
20:56No, she was like, I'm not doing that again.
20:57I'm like, yeah, well, that's what happens.
20:59You have a whole bunch of animals at your house, right?
21:01A lot of animals.
21:02A lot of animals.
21:03Yes.
21:03What animals do you have?
21:04We actually just got, we just rescued a turtle, like a big tortoise, like one of those huge
21:09ones.
21:10Okay.
21:10Yeah.
21:10We just brought her in.
21:11Her name is Myrtle.
21:13Myrtle the tortoise.
21:14Yeah, Myrtle the turtle.
21:15Isn't that confusing for Myrtle?
21:16Like, you know, it should be Mortis, right?
21:18It was.
21:21I was going to say it rhymes, but yeah, so does yours.
21:23Yeah, no, it doesn't really rhyme.
21:49Little houses to be small enough that it's like cozy, but if it's too small, they can't
21:55grow.
21:55Like it stunts their growth.
21:57Like a goldfish.
21:58Yes.
21:59Yeah.
21:59And I thought, is that what I'm doing with Matilda and this crib?
22:05But I don't care.
22:07What is it?
22:08It made me think.
22:09That's interesting.
22:09If you can stunt the tortoise's growth, so it has to be very specific, because I've got
22:13to tell you, we don't got much longer with Matilda and this crib.
22:16I'll give you some tips, because we've had various tortoises throughout my life.
22:19You have?
22:19We had one when I was a kid.
22:20My daughter has one.
22:22My older one now.
22:22They'll get out.
22:23You know, they don't, they, they are creatures of the earth.
22:26They'll dig under.
22:28Yes.
22:28Yeah.
22:29Yes.
22:29And you know, what my daughter did is put one of those, um, like those, uh, apple tags
22:34on the shelf.
22:34Oh!
22:36That's so funny.
22:37Yeah, smart.
22:37Because they're faster than you think.
22:39Yeah, and they get, they can travel quite a distance.
22:42They can.
22:42And then we have to go find them.
22:43They're sneaky as hell.
22:44Yeah.
22:45All of a sudden you're here, and then they're all the way over there.
22:46You know, glue one of those on your kid, too, while you're at it.
22:49I was thinking that.
22:50When she's out of that crib, I'm going to have to put one on her foot.
22:53You were, oh, speaking of animals, you were attacked by the most dangerous animal in the world.
22:56And I feel like this is something that should have been all over the news.
23:00I didn't tell anyone about this.
23:01Okay, so we shot in France.
23:03Let me ask if Guillermo knows what the most dangerous animal in the world is.
23:08Uh, elephant, tigers, I don't know.
23:10You would think so, right?
23:11Yeah.
23:11What is it actually?
23:13When we were shooting in France, there was a lot of bugs.
23:16Mm-hmm.
23:16A lot of bugs.
23:17Now, I feel like there's two types of people in the world.
23:20Like, people that get eaten alive by mosquitoes and people that don't.
23:22I'm the eaten alive.
23:23Eaten alive.
23:24I walk outside covered, so I knew, I was like, I could hear these mosquitoes when we were shooting there.
23:28I'm like, oh, my God, please don't get bit.
23:29So I got bit on my legs.
23:31I got these kind of random things.
23:32But one night I was sleeping, and I had, like, a really early call.
23:35And I was, I could hear one.
23:37You know, you can hear them.
23:38They're like, mm-hmm.
23:40And I'm, like, kind of scratching.
23:41And I'm like, oh, God, like, is that on my face?
23:43I don't know.
23:44So I wake up.
23:44It's, like, 2 in the morning.
23:45I have to be at work at, like, 7.
23:47I go in the bathroom.
23:48And I did one of those.
23:49I walked past the mirror, and then I went back, and I looked at my face.
23:54I had welt across my forehead.
24:00You guys.
24:01Did you know what, what, why you had that?
24:04Did you know immediately it was a mosquito bite?
24:05I will live the rest of my life hoping that it was just a mosquito that bit my face.
24:09Yeah.
24:10It was a mosquito, I think.
24:12Also, note to self, 911 is not 911 in France.
24:18Well, I have two questions about that.
24:20First of all, you called 911 for a mosquito bite?
24:22Yes, I did.
24:23I didn't know what to do.
24:25I literally thought something was, like, I have no one with me.
24:28I called 911.
24:29Not a thing there.
24:30By the way, I still don't know what emergency is in France.
24:33I never figured it out.
24:35All right, that's a good tip for travelers.
24:36Isn't that good?
24:37It is a good tip.
24:38Yeah, I should have learned that.
24:39But there's, you got to Google it.
24:41911 isn't a thing there.
24:43It's a whole different emergency.
24:44That's good to know.
24:45So I called 911.
24:46I also called my fiancee, who answered the phone.
24:48He's like, I'm just not sure what you want me to do here.
24:51I'm like, but this is bad, right?
24:53This is bad.
24:54Like, I was terrified.
24:55I was terrified, because I truly didn't quite know what bit me.
24:57But I, again, I'm going to believe it was a mosquito, because that's the least.
25:00It was a French mosquito.
25:01Deer, yes.
25:02Yes.
25:02They're bitches.
25:03Yeah, but they're romantic.
25:04Yes.
25:05God, middle of the night.
25:06You're okay now?
25:07I'm okay now.
25:08Okay, all right.
25:08It's a good thing.
25:09I can imagine being that 911 operator.
25:11The damage you would have done to this country's reputation.
25:14I mean, we're in bad enough shape as it is.
25:16You're like this dumb American.
25:17I know, I know.
25:18I had this American call about a mosquito bite.
25:20Yeah.
25:21All right, we're going to take a break.
25:22When we come back, we're going to see a clip from your new program.
25:26It's called Vanish.
25:27Kaley Cuoco is here.
25:31Portions of Jimmy Kimo Live are brought to you by Nong Chim Shin Ramya, spicy happiness in noodles.
25:58I'm going to tell you.
26:01Oh, my God.
26:03Oh, my God.
26:03Oh, God.
26:15That is Kaylee Cuoco in Vanish, which you can see on Sunday on MDM+.
26:20That is, um, is that the hotel where you got bit by the mosquito?
26:24I was running from the mosquito, and that's what I was envisioning.
26:28You play an archaeologist whose boyfriend vanishes, disappears.
26:32Yes, played by Sam Claflin.
26:34Yes, he literally vanishes off a moving train.
26:36Off a moving train?
26:38Yes.
26:38And then as an archaeologist, do you have to dig them up with, like, a little brush to try to
26:41find them?
26:42I'm having my Laura Dern moment from Jurassic Park.
26:45Yeah, that's what I'm picking up the whole time.
26:47Uh, how long were you in France?
26:49A month and a half, a couple months.
26:51Yeah, a couple months.
26:52That, to me, seems like a great, to be able to live in another country for, like, a couple of
26:56months.
26:56It was amazing.
26:57Was it?
26:58Yeah, but I, I hate French food.
27:00You do!
27:01I know. I'm the worst.
27:03No wonder they didn't give you their emergency number.
27:05They didn't, they're like, it's her again.
27:08I, I'm also like, I, I'm such a weird eater.
27:11This is not so much.
27:12You hate French food.
27:12I hate, I don't eat a lot, I like a grilled cheese, I want simple.
27:16They invented grilled cheese.
27:17Yeah, that is true, I forgot about that.
27:18Yeah.
27:18Yeah, but everything else, I'm not, I had to, it was hard.
27:21I really had to go on the search for, like, something that I would eat there.
27:25Uh-huh.
27:25Because it was difficult.
27:26Okay.
27:27But I did end up falling in love with a sandwich.
27:30Oh, yes.
27:30That I found.
27:31You know, I want to hear about this, because I fall in love with sandwiches pretty much
27:34every day.
27:34Is it good?
27:35And I love a great sandwich.
27:37Jimmy, when I tell you this sandwich that I found changed my life, I can still taste
27:42it right now.
27:43It was this little, it was called Panino Taco, it was this little place next to the port
27:47where, like, every, it was packed constantly, it was very small.
27:50They had basically three sandwiches on the menu.
27:52I fell so in love with the sandwich, it was all I ate every single day, almost for a month
27:57straight, and anyone that visited me, I was like, you have to have, like, I made people
28:01crazy about this sandwich.
28:02So I would go in, and you know, it was, like, very French, like, no one, obviously, like,
28:06I was the only, like, American in there, but I was so, I was so excited, because I loved
28:10it so much, I kept thinking they'd recognize me, like, I'd been in there so much, every
28:14day.
28:14Now, yeah, you think even just forget, recognize you from television or whatever, like, they'd
28:19recognize you from being the customer.
28:20The sandwich girl.
28:21Who's eating the same sandwich every single day.
28:23Every day.
28:24They didn't.
28:24They didn't recognize me at all, and I was so bad, I never thought to, like, learn any
28:30French to even try and communicate with, I was so bad, so I would just, like, point at
28:33the sandwich I wanted, I'd be like.
28:36Hey, you know, so, like, nobody.
28:38The usual.
28:39Yeah, literally.
28:40Yeah, yeah.
28:40Nobody cared.
28:41I also am, like, a big, I know this is, like, chaotic, what I'm saying, but I love, like,
28:45swag, and I like to represent things that I love.
28:47Like, I have all of your Jimmy Kimmel t-shirts.
28:50Oh, you do?
28:50I'm, like, a swag fanatic.
28:51I love them, I save them.
28:52So things that I like, I want to, like, represent.
28:55So I asked this place if they had any t-shirts to sell, you know, hats, t-shirts, I want
29:01to bring
29:01this back to America, and they were, like, looking, they had nothing.
29:04I asked if I could buy the shirt they were wearing that said Panino Checa.
29:08That's how much I loved this sandwich.
29:11I wanted it so bad.
29:12They didn't care.
29:13They said no?
29:14They literally didn't say anything.
29:15They didn't talk to me for two months.
29:17They didn't care.
29:17I ate this sandwich every day.
29:19No one cared I was there.
29:20But it was, like, a life-changing sandwich.
29:22I knew you would understand.
29:23I do understand.
29:24I'm getting hungry just talking to you about it.
29:26I know.
29:26And I understand the wanting the shirt from the place.
29:28I understand the whole thing.
29:30I wanted the shirt.
29:31I wanted to bring it back here and show, you know, that I loved this sandwich, and it's
29:35what got me through.
29:36And they didn't have that.
29:37And so my very sweet assistant knew this was all I wanted to take back from France.
29:42So she actually made me my own swag with the sandwich on it so that I could live.
29:49I wish I had one for you, Jimmy.
29:52I could just eat the shirt.
29:53You could.
29:53Doesn't it look good?
29:54It does look really good.
29:56What's on it?
29:56Okay.
29:58Pesto.
29:59Mozzarella pesto and tomato.
30:02And the only words I learned for two months was no jambon.
30:06That's no ham.
30:07I did say that.
30:09And they were, that's what we, that was our understanding.
30:12That they understood.
30:12No jambon.
30:13That does look good.
30:14Doesn't that look good?
30:15By the way, this is pretty sure this is an Italian sandwich that you ate.
30:17So maybe you still don't like any French food.
30:22Maybe that's why I like you so much.
30:26It's Subway.
30:27You know what?
30:27Oh, look.
30:28It's even got the thing on the front.
30:29Oh, yeah.
30:29Panina teca.
30:30There it is.
30:30Well, hopefully this word will get to them.
30:32They don't care.
30:32They'll be sufficiently appreciative.
30:34I loved them.
30:35But that seems doubtful.
30:36Well, it's great to see you.
30:37I'll put in a word for you with Kermit.
30:39Kaley Cuoco, everybody.
30:41Vanish.
30:41We'll be here at Sunday at MGM.
30:43Coming back with Kermit.
30:51Next week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Milo Ventimiglia, Ted Danson, and Kate Hudson, plus music from
31:00Whitney and Cassius Culpepper.
31:12Well, hello.
31:13Music from the format is on the way.
31:15Our next guest is among the rarefied group of celebrities known by only one name.
31:20He is executive producer and host of The Muppet Show.
31:24Scooter.
31:25Hmm?
31:25Scooter.
31:25Come here.
31:25Come here.
31:25Come here.
31:26Come here.
31:26Yeah.
31:26Why is it so crowded back here?
31:28Well, these are all the acts in the show, boss.
31:30Well, are you sure I approved all of that?
31:33And more.
31:37Yeah, remember how excited everyone was to be at our first show back?
31:41Mm-hmm.
31:41And you kept telling them that their acts sounded fun.
31:44Right.
31:44Scooter, everybody knows that that sounds fun is just a polite way of saying no.
31:49Yeah, that feels pretty indirect, boss.
31:51You know, this could be a problem.
31:53Okay.
31:53Well, the next person who talks to me is definitely getting cut.
31:56Mm-hmm.
31:57Oh, Kermie.
31:59Kermie.
32:00The Muppet Show's special event premieres Wednesday
32:03on ABC and Disney+.
32:05Please welcome Kermit the Frog.
32:12Wow, Jimmy!
32:16Wow, Jimmy.
32:17Thanks so much for playing.
32:18We're going to be able to.
32:21Hey!
32:22We're a winner.
32:24Ha-ha.
32:25Ha-ha.
32:38And I tell you something, I never get over the excitement of seeing you.
32:42It's great to have you here.
32:43Well, gee, Jimmy, thanks for having me.
32:45It's great to have you.
32:46And I'm excited about the new project.
32:48Yeah.
32:49And I'm wondering how this happened.
32:51Or, like, was it difficult to get the other Muppets together to come back?
32:56No.
32:57No, not at all.
32:58Okay.
32:58No, you know what?
32:58They couldn't wait to do the Muppet Show again.
33:00But then again, there's not a big demand for a pig who sings, a bear who tells jokes, and
33:05a bunch of dancing rats.
33:07True.
33:07Okay.
33:08That's fair.
33:09Now, what were they doing, though, during all this time?
33:12What were the other Muppets up to?
33:13Oh, well, not much involving a paycheck.
33:17But, you know, I was trying to get the special off the ground, which, you know, it took a
33:21while, Jimmy.
33:22You know, it turns out that a lot of people in Hollywood say yes when they actually mean
33:27no.
33:28I have experienced that myself.
33:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:31But, you know, as far as the others go, Miss Piggy, she was on vocal rest, which, uh, actually
33:36we were all kind of okay with.
33:39But I must say, you picked a great time to come back to television.
33:43Things are going really great.
33:44Oh.
33:45Well, I don't know if I detect some sarcasm there.
33:48But, you know, we kind of think it is always a good time for singing and dancing and trying
33:53to, you know, bring a smile to people's faces.
33:55I agree with you on that.
33:56And your show had been off the air for...
33:59Now, were you guys suspended?
34:00Well, no.
34:01Yes.
34:02Not quite what happened to us.
34:03You see, back in the 70s and 80s, we had everybody who was anybody on The Muppet Show.
34:09Yeah.
34:10You know, Steve Martin, Carol Burnett, uh, Harry Belafonte.
34:14Yeah.
34:14You name it, you know.
34:15But then, uh, we literally ran out of guest stars.
34:20I don't know why.
34:21I didn't get to see this when I was a kid.
34:22But you guest hosted for Johnny Carson on The Night Show.
34:26Yeah.
34:26I want to say that I take the summer off and I have guest hosts here.
34:30Would you have any interest in guest hosting this show?
34:34Oh, yeah.
34:35Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:36Good.
34:37Yeah, I mean, that would be great.
34:38But, uh, you know what?
34:40Gee, Jimmy, it's a good thing that it wasn't last summer because, uh, I got invited to go
34:44on Magic Johnson's yacht.
34:45You went on Magic Johnson's yacht?
34:47Yeah.
34:48I was supposed to go on Magic Johnson's yacht.
34:51Was it fun?
34:51I imagine it was fun.
34:53Oh, yeah.
34:53We had a great time.
34:54But you know what?
34:54You seem to have like a teacher's schedule, Jimmy.
34:58Oh, yeah.
34:59Yeah.
34:59What do you do during the summer anyway?
35:01I go fly fishing.
35:02I like to fish.
35:03Oh, wow.
35:04Well, I didn't know that they made hooks small enough to catch flies.
35:08No.
35:12We don't catch the flies.
35:14We tie the flies and we catch the fish.
35:17Oh, I see.
35:18Oh, yeah.
35:19Well, uh, well, why would you want to fish when you already have the delicious fly?
35:24We don't eat the flies.
35:26We don't even eat the fish.
35:27We put them back, but that's beside the point.
35:29It's a fun activity.
35:30By the way, did you meet Kaley Cuoco backstage?
35:32Oh, yeah.
35:32Well, only for a second.
35:34But she seems really nice.
35:35She would be great on the show.
35:37And by the way, when you say you met her only for a second, are you worried that Miss Piggy
35:41might see this?
35:42Oh, uh, well, um, no.
35:46No, she watches Valen.
35:47Oh, okay.
35:51Tell her how I said I love it.
35:53Yeah.
35:54Now, Seth Rogen was in your special.
35:56He is part of that.
35:57And his, and Seth, it's, it's easy for him being green.
36:00That's for sure.
36:01Is it true that he spent most of his time hanging out with Dr. Teeth and the band?
36:05Well, he, you know, he hung out with everyone, actually.
36:07You know, I think he might have hung out with the band more.
36:10But, uh, Fozzie, he kept, uh, cornering Seth to ask him about, uh, comedic timing.
36:16He did, what was he asking specifically about comedic timing?
36:19How'd I have it?
36:23Yeah.
36:24You guys worked that out together?
36:26Yeah, we did.
36:27Thanks a lot.
36:28What do you think you would be doing if you didn't get into show business?
36:30Oh, gee, I don't know, Jimmy.
36:31You know, I am a frog that talks and plays the banjo.
36:35Mm-hmm.
36:35I think that show business was kind of the only option for me.
36:39And I don't think they're looking for singing frog to drive Ubers.
36:43I have to disagree with you on that.
36:45I think, uh, they, I think I'd be quite delighted to have that.
36:48Yeah, it'd be pretty fun.
36:48You have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame across the street from us, which is, I assume,
36:53is an honor for you.
36:54Oh, yeah, it's a big honor, big honor.
36:56What is cleaner, the swamp you grew up in or Hollywood Boulevard?
37:00Uh, gee, that's a close call.
37:02No, I'm kidding, it's a swamp.
37:05Are you the only frog on the Walk of Fame?
37:07Um, I think so.
37:10Yeah, I think there's, uh, you know, Big Bird and Lassie also have stars.
37:14And, oh, Jeff Goldblum, who played a fly.
37:17Uh-huh.
37:17Oh, yeah, yeah.
37:17Yeah, so there's a lot of animal representation, is what I mean.
37:20Now, the industry, you've been in this business for 50 years or so.
37:24What advice would you give to a young frog just, who's just starting out?
37:29Oh, well, gee, you know, it's, it's a pretty hard business, no matter what kind of species
37:34you are.
37:35Yeah.
37:35We can agree on that, right, Jimmy?
37:36Absolutely.
37:37Yeah, yeah.
37:38So, uh, I think the best advice I could give is, uh, you know, maybe, uh, go into accounting.
37:47I think that's excellent advice.
37:48Kermit the Frog, everybody.
37:51The special event premieres Wednesday on ABC and Disney+.
37:56We'll be back with the format.
38:05Thanks to Kelly Cuoco and Kermit the Frog, apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time for him.
38:10Nightline is next, but first, their new album, Boycott Heaven, came out moments ago.
38:15Here with the song, Depressed, the format.
38:21Did you rain for blood?
38:24Did you throw away the butter cap?
38:28Did you clean up the mess by the stairs?
38:34There's a place that I've loved, but I swallowed all my cigarettes.
38:42It's a shame when we're lost in the flood.
38:50Sometimes I get a little bit depressed.
38:57Sometimes I get, sometimes I get, sometimes I get, sometimes I get, a little bit depressed.
39:29In the credits, set a boundary hole in just air��를 YOU move.
39:38Just to make it to the stage
39:41Feel like I'm knocked straight in the head
39:46Singing hallelujah
39:48This was never the better
39:51Pretending to make
39:57Every handshake's worth the play
40:02If I want
40:04I should just walk away
40:07All you gotta do is play
40:11But every handshake's worth the play
40:14All you gotta do is play
40:18Every handshake's worth the play
40:24Sometimes I get
40:26A little bit depressed
40:31Sometimes I get
40:50Sometimes I get
40:53A little bit depressed
40:57Sometimes I get
41:00Sometimes I get
41:07A little bit depressed
41:13Or a little bit
41:22Or aimbuse
41:24Or aimbuse
41:26Or aimbuse
41:36Oh, yeah!
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