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Jimmy Kimmel Live - Season 24 - Episode 85: Harrison Ford, Sarah Chalke
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00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Harrison Ford and Sarah Chalk with the Kletos!
00:11And now, Jimmy Kimmel!
00:15Kimmel Live!
00:45The most famous carpenter since, dare I say, Jesus himself, Harrison Ford, is here with us tonight.
00:54Remember when he was president? It was a movie, but still, it was nice.
00:58I'd love to see him pop up on the real Air Force One and say, get off my plane!
01:04We are now on day 11 of Jabba the Pizza Hut's war on Iran.
01:08Trump said yesterday the war could end very soon, which would be encouraging had he not also told us he'd
01:15end the war in Ukraine in 24 hours.
01:18The price of oil and, as a result, gasoline has skyrocketed over the past 10 days,
01:23so much so that some of Trump's advisers now want him to declare victory and pull out,
01:28like he should have done the night Eric was conceived.
01:33That's a good idea. You should declare victory.
01:36Maybe they can go to Kinko's and print up a banner that says, Mission Accomplished, too, right?
01:41That is basically what he is going to do.
01:43He's going to make a huge mess and walk away like it's the new toilet in the Lincoln bathroom.
01:48Trump claims we are way ahead of schedule on the war.
01:51He's got a schedule, which means it should be over just around the time we see his taxes
01:55and the rest of the Trump-Epstein files.
01:57Ironically, this war he launched to distract us from those could turn out to be more damaging to him
02:03than the Trump-Epstein files themselves.
02:06They're saying this could be worse, and that would mean he'd have to come up with another distraction from the
02:12war.
02:12And if you do need that, Mr. President, I've got a good one.
02:15You know what would distract us from the war?
02:16Release the unreleased Trump-Epstein files.
02:19That would be...
02:21This tiny object we could gather around.
02:24Our Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth, is trying to calm those concerned about the duration of this war.
02:31He said, I want the American people to understand this is not endless.
02:34It's not protracted.
02:36We're not allowing mission creep.
02:38And that's straight from the creep in charge of the mission himself.
02:41So, Hegseth said, today would be the most intense day of strikes on Iran.
02:47I think one of the things that's most troubling about this is how excited Pete Hegseth gets to bomb people.
02:52Like, he would do it even if he wasn't getting paid, just for the love of it, just for the
02:56hell of it.
02:56But he is getting paid, and he's spending a lot of money.
02:59There was a report from a government watchdog group that says Pete Hegseth blew through $93 billion
03:06in September of last year alone.
03:08Again, just in September, he spent $2 million of taxpayer money on Alaskan King Crab.
03:14He spent $6.9 million on lobster tail, $140,000 on donuts, $124,000 on ice cream machines,
03:22$26,000 on sushi preparation tables, and $15.1 million on ribeye steak.
03:28What is this, my 600-pound defense department?
03:31How are they eating so much food?
03:33Can you imagine?
03:35I want you to just put this in your head for a second.
03:38Can you imagine the size of the egg Sean Hannity would lay if a Democrat had spent millions of dollars
03:44on lobster tails and sushi preparation tables?
03:47He would never walk again.
03:49The president also spent more, Pentagon rather, on furniture last year than they have over the
03:55whole past decade.
03:56But that's because the vice president humped all their couches into disrepair.
04:01They racked up quite a bill, the $12,000 on fruit basket stands, which is so funny.
04:07You know, he's been going around saying, we're making the military manly again.
04:09We're war fighters.
04:11Now, where is the stand for my basket of fruit?
04:15Yesterday, Iran announced that their new supreme leader, who is the son of their old supreme
04:20leader, Mushtaba Khamenei, who is 56 years old.
04:23It's weird that I'm older than the Ayatollah, I have to say.
04:26When he was a freshman at Ayatollah school, I was a junior.
04:31There was a big celebration when this guy was picked.
04:35Thousands of supporters of the regime filled the streets.
04:38But the new supreme leader himself is said to be nowhere to be seen.
04:42No kidding.
04:43If I had that job, I'd be nowhere to be seen, too.
04:46I mean, by Ayatollah, I will never see any of you again.
04:49This war is said to be costing us a billion dollars a day, which, of course, was not a
04:54part of the MAGA platform.
04:56And so when Trump's special envoy to the Middle East, Steve Whitcoff, was asked if he could
05:01explain that to Americans, he couldn't.
05:04What do you say, people to Steve, Americans who, you know, are struggling, they're worried
05:09about higher gas prices, higher grocery prices.
05:12What do you say to them about why this is so critical for the U.S. to be doing what
05:17it
05:17is doing in Iran right now?
05:19I say to them, Sarah, that if they have children, think about what this world would look like
05:26if you didn't have Donald Trump as the president.
05:30Oh, we think about it.
05:32We think about that all the time.
05:38Usually we think about it when we're praying.
05:41All the hench monsters are making the rounds on cable trying to sell this war.
05:45We even got a visit from a character from the Trump reverse that we haven't seen for a while.
05:50Trump's favorite former real estate attorney turned now expert on foreign wars, Alina Hava.
05:55The regime is a terrorist regime.
05:58We've seen it time and time again.
05:59And frankly, President Trump should be commended for being the only one with the cahoots, frankly,
06:05to go after them, not just for America, but for the world.
06:08The only the only one with the cahoots.
06:11He has cahoots.
06:12I didn't know.
06:13What do you think she meant, chutzpah or cojones?
06:16Guillermo?
06:18Cajones, Jimmy.
06:19You think cojones?
06:19Yeah, cojones, yes.
06:20I think maybe chutzpah.
06:21You know, she used to be a waitress at Cahooters.
06:23Did you know that?
06:25But I am sure that was the only nonsensical screw up she made in the interview today.
06:33So the fact that they're trying to spin this into a midterm situation is beyond the pale of ridiculous
06:40and frankly, not surprising by them.
06:42But I think if you look at Kamala Harris's, if you look at polls, Kamala Harris's comments
06:46of desperation at Reggie Jackson's funeral and she didn't even know him.
06:50What?
06:52Reggie Jackson is dead?
06:54Oh, my.
06:55I love that.
06:56Mr. October is dead and nobody told me.
06:58I didn't know either.
06:59No, I think he's fine.
07:00Yeah.
07:00One of the most disturbing things we've seen over the past two weeks was the deadly attack
07:05on an Iranian school for girls.
07:07Now, the video footage appears to show the school being hit by a U.S. Tomahawk missile.
07:12But the president, who knows more than all the generals combined, isn't sure that missile
07:17came from us.
07:18He suggested repeatedly that Iran may have bombed that school themselves.
07:24You just suggested that Iran somehow got its hands on a tomahawk and bombed its own elementary
07:28school on the first day of the war.
07:30But you're the only person in your government saying this.
07:32Even your defense secretary wouldn't say that when he was asked, standing over your shoulder
07:36on your plane on Saturday.
07:37Why are you the only person saying this?
07:39Because I just don't know enough about it.
07:41I think it's something that I was told is under investigation.
07:45But tomahawks are used by others, as you know.
07:49Numerous other nations have tomahawks.
07:52They buy them from us.
07:53But I will certainly, whatever the report shows, I'm willing to live with that report.
07:58Oh, please.
07:59You don't even live with your wife.
08:00Who are we kidding you?
08:02Don't live with that report.
08:05He's been golfing a lot.
08:06He hasn't had time to catch up on all the schools we've bombed.
08:08The only countries who have tomahawks, and the president knows this, are us, the United
08:13States, the UK, Australia, Japan, and the Netherlands.
08:17Only one of those countries is currently at war with Iran.
08:20But sure, maybe it was the Netherlands.
08:22Maybe the windmill people did it.
08:24They've had it out for him for quite some time.
08:27And then you have Lindsey Graham, who last week compared Trump and Netanyahu to Churchill
08:32and FDR, and last night took it one goose step further.
08:36We literally dodged a nuclear bullet.
08:39If President Trump had not done this, they could have had a nuclear capability within
08:43months, weeks, not months.
08:46And if they had a weapon, they would use it.
08:48To all those who don't believe that, you're stupid.
08:51You're a fool.
08:52And I hate to be so harsh.
08:54People got Hitler wrong.
08:56Donald Trump is the right man at the right time.
08:58You want to take that one again, Gomer Goebbels?
09:01People got Hitler wrong.
09:03Pretty sure he's one of the few guys we got right.
09:07And while all this is going on, the president's wife would like to remind you that her documentary
09:11is now streaming on Amazon Prime.
09:14I mean, Prime.
09:15Amazon Prime?
09:16Yeah, Amazon Prime.
09:18The frontrunner for the Razzie, the $75 million documentary Melania, came out last night on streaming.
09:25Very exciting between this and Sinners, it's been a big year for vampire movies.
09:30And while some might say that it is not a great look to be plugging your vanity project
09:40while your husband's bombing another country, Melania has never cared much about optics.
09:45She can't even pronounce optics.
09:46This documentary is mostly just Melania trying on outfits for the inauguration,
09:50but there are also some fascinating insights into Flotus' relationship with Flattus, her husband.
09:57This is a real conversation.
09:58This is not a Trump impersonator.
10:02Melania is on the phone with her husband the night the election results were certified by Congress.
10:10Hi, honey.
10:11Hi, Mr. President.
10:12Congratulations.
10:13I will tell you, it's great.
10:14That's fantastic.
10:15Did you watch it?
10:17I did not.
10:18I did not.
10:18I had meetings all day.
10:20You really should try and watch it.
10:22It is amazing.
10:22I will see it.
10:24Yeah, I will see it on the news.
10:25So, but that's great.
10:27Congratulations.
10:28Congress certified all the votes.
10:30Yeah.
10:30These numbers, nothing like it has happened before, ever.
10:33It's a landslide.
10:34That's for sure.
10:35Looks like it's going to be about 312 to 226.
10:38Yeah.
10:39That's a good one.
10:44It's one of the funniest conversations I've ever heard.
10:48It almost makes me feel a little bad for him.
10:52She does not care at all.
10:54He won the election for president.
10:57She didn't see it.
10:58She had a meeting to go to.
10:59What does the man have to do?
11:01And then the director caught up with Big M in her car to ask the question we've all been dying
11:07to know the answer to.
11:08Who's your favorite recording artist?
11:11Michael Jackson.
11:13What Michael Jackson song is your favorite?
11:17Billie Jean.
11:18Oh, wow.
11:19Billie Jean.
11:20There's so many of them.
11:21It's hard to thriller.
11:24It's hard to pick.
11:27Yeah, because there's so many good ones.
11:29Right, right.
11:30That's why she was only able to name two.
11:32It's thriller and Billie Jean.
11:35She loves the part of Billie Jean when he sings, the kid is not my son.
11:38She says that about Don Jr. all the time.
11:40And then we got an opportunity.
11:46We went back to her husband where we got a glimpse of his intense and never ending persecution complex.
11:52He was upset to learn there was a big college football game on the night of his inauguration.
11:58But we are competing with the championship game.
12:00We are competing.
12:01How did that happen?
12:05I'm unsure, sir.
12:06Well, we always had this date because the state's been here for hundreds of years.
12:11So they put a game.
12:12We're working extremely closely with the networks.
12:15I know, but why did they have to put the national championship at the same time?
12:19Okay.
12:20They probably did it on purpose.
12:23That's right, yes.
12:24Every Division I school in America got together many years ago to make sure the national championship game would be
12:32scheduled on the night his inauguration ball was happening to take attention away from him.
12:37I think that calls for a tactical strike on the NCAA.
12:40I don't know.
12:41Those are the highlights, by the way.
12:43More than anything, this documentary is dreadfully dull.
12:46The whole thing is Melania going to fittings, riding in a car, trying on clothes, and interviewing people to work
12:54for her.
12:54I have already hired my chief of staff, and I'm interviewing candidates to fill the remaining positions.
13:00I have received a lot of resumes from people who would love to work in my office, and I need
13:06to make my decision soon.
13:07What would you change from the last time in my East Wing office?
13:13This time, I will try to make it even more Be Best.
13:19I'll Be Best initiative.
13:20I think it's very important.
13:22Super important.
13:24So how much vacation do I get?
13:26It's not like nine to five job.
13:29Busy nonstop.
13:34I can be your secret Latin lover.
13:37That's fantastic.
13:38So we will see you in the White House.
13:40Oh, yes.
13:42I'll see you at the White House.
13:48I have no idea.
13:52We've got a good show for your night from Scrubs.
13:55Sarah Chalk is here, and we will be right back with Harrison Ford, so stick around.
14:10All right, welcome back tonight from Scrubs, which is Reborn, right here on ABC.
14:15Sarah Chalk is with us.
14:17Tomorrow night, we have a fun show.
14:20We will be joined by Conan O'Brien and Matthew Fox.
14:23One of those men is hosting the Oscars on Sunday.
14:26If you're wondering why there is a Millennium Falcon parked outside, it's because of our first guest tonight.
14:32He is one of the finest and most beloved actors of all time.
14:35You can see him alongside Jason Segel and Michael J. Fox in season three of Shrinking.
14:41Watch new episodes Wednesdays on Apple TV.
14:43Please welcome Harrison Ford.
15:08Welcome, welcome.
15:16How are you?
15:22Knock it off!
15:29You might be the only person...
15:31That's embarrassing!
15:33...more uncomfortable with that than I am.
15:35I can see.
15:36I can see that.
15:37It's interesting.
15:38And by the way, I just felt your body.
15:39You're very muscular.
15:41You really are very muscular.
15:53Have you had enough praise for the week?
15:55I know you got that Lifetime Achievement Award, the Actor Award.
16:00From your fellow actors in the Screen Actors Guild.
16:04Which is, was that exciting, rewarding, any of those things?
16:10Yes.
16:11Some of those things?
16:12It was humbling and embarrassing.
16:18Woody Harrelson presented you with the award.
16:22He spoke on your behalf.
16:23He spoke quite fondly, lovingly.
16:26Even though you've never worked with Woody Harrelson, correct?
16:29Am I wrong on that?
16:30I never worked with him, but I've hung out with him.
16:34Yeah, you've hung out with him.
16:36I mean, I believe that.
16:37But isn't it weird that you weren't able to get anyone you ever worked with to, you know,
16:42jump in that spot?
16:43Like, Billy Dee Williams would have been great, for instance.
16:46And yet, there was Woody Harrelson.
16:48Yeah, I thought that was kind of weird.
16:49I couldn't get anybody.
16:52I'd asked Helen Mirren, but she was busy.
16:56She declined, yeah.
16:57She did.
16:57Anybody else?
16:58Yeah, just Helen?
17:00They never mentioned you?
17:02No, did they ask me?
17:05If you'd asked me, I would have been there.
17:06Did you?
17:07Yeah, absolutely.
17:08Of course I would have.
17:09Yeah.
17:10They didn't.
17:12No, they didn't.
17:13But Woody...
17:14They asked Woody.
17:15Woody is your friend.
17:16Woody is funny.
17:17Woody is funny.
17:18Woody, how is Woody your...
17:19How do you know Woody?
17:22The normal way.
17:25Listen, I know Woody, and there's no normal way with Woody.
17:30You're right.
17:31There is no normal way.
17:32This is one of the most unusual people you'll ever meet.
17:35He is one of a kind.
17:37And thank God.
17:39Yeah.
17:40Not, you know, because we don't need two Woodys.
17:45I don't think it would even be possible to have two Woodys.
17:48Yeah.
17:49They even thought about changing the character in Toy Story's name because it was just too
17:54much.
17:56Woody Harrelson hangs around with a tight group of guys.
18:01Are you part of that group?
18:03William Nelson?
18:05No.
18:05Owen Wilson?
18:06Matthew McConaughey?
18:08Do you know any of those men?
18:11No.
18:12No.
18:14Did you ask any of them to introduce you before Woody?
18:18No.
18:18No.
18:20Do you guys...
18:21Have you ever smoked marijuana with Woody Harrelson?
18:25No, I don't know.
18:37I'm so sorry.
18:38I forgot.
18:38I forgot.
18:40You did.
18:41And now I'm being sincere.
18:43I want to just say you gave a beautiful speech.
18:46A really...
18:47The kind of speech that I think was inspiring and really explained what you love about your
18:54job and thanked the people who helped you get there and the people who help you every
18:59day.
18:59Did you write that yourself?
19:02I printed it.
19:03You printed it out?
19:04Yeah.
19:05Did you run it by anybody beforehand?
19:08You know, my wife asked me if I wanted to run it past her.
19:17And I said no.
19:19Why didn't you want to run it past her?
19:21Uh, because I didn't want to run it past anybody, actually.
19:26Were you embarrassed or you just wanted it to be fresh?
19:28I just...
19:29I just wanted it to be over.
19:32Yeah.
19:34They had an incredible montage of your work before you spoke.
19:39You know, one of those clip montages that they do.
19:41Did you watch that or do you avert your eyes from something like that?
19:44No, I try not to watch that because if I see my life, you know, flash before my eyes, I'm
19:54not going to be available for a Lifetime Award.
19:58I think I'll think I'm dead.
20:03Or maybe when you're dead, you'll think you're at an award show.
20:09It could go either way.
20:13Have you ever purchased tickets to see yourself in a movie?
20:18No.
20:19Never.
20:20Have you ever gone to a regular theater with people to check one out?
20:28Uh, maybe.
20:30Maybe.
20:31Maybe.
20:31I don't remember.
20:33Okay.
20:33I think I did.
20:34Okay.
20:35You're going to take the fifth on that?
20:36Huh?
20:36What was the movie that you went to see?
20:38I told you.
20:39I can't remember.
20:42Try and embarrass me.
20:43Should we go through the list and you pick it up?
20:45No.
20:45No?
20:45No.
20:48What is your favorite of the movies that you've done?
20:51No.
20:52I can't do that.
20:54I don't have a favorite.
20:56I really...
20:59This is sincere.
21:01Okay.
21:01All right.
21:02I don't have a...
21:03Get ready, Guillermo.
21:03He's going to be sincere.
21:05Okay.
21:06I'm ready.
21:07Yeah.
21:08That's ready?
21:10Okay.
21:11Uh, no.
21:12I just don't...
21:13I don't have a favorite because I really...
21:15Uh, I really...
21:17I love the making of a movie.
21:22And, um...
21:24And that's the...
21:24That's where I get...
21:26I'm satisfied.
21:27Interesting.
21:28When we're making it.
21:32When you see it, it's been all screwed up, you know?
21:35It's...
21:35It's...
21:37When I did it, it was...
21:39It was better than that.
21:42That's right.
21:43You got...
21:57You got...
21:59Well, I was working.
22:00I was...
22:00I was making a movie in, uh...
22:02Belize.
22:03In Belize.
22:04You're making Mosquito Coast?
22:05With, uh...
22:06Peter Weir, who was also nominated for Witness.
22:09They couldn't let you guys off for a couple days?
22:13Um...
22:13Maybe we didn't ask nice enough.
22:15Maybe they didn't ask, yeah.
22:17You were living on a boat at that time, I understand?
22:20Yeah.
22:20That's what kept us dry.
22:24It was...
22:26How long...
22:27How long did you live on the boat?
22:30Jesus, these are real hard questions.
22:32About...
22:32About...
22:33About four months.
22:35Four months.
22:35Okay.
22:35All right.
22:36And that's a pleasant experience, living on a boat for four months?
22:39It was.
22:40It was great, actually.
22:41It was...
22:41We were about a quarter mile offshore from Belize City, and every day I went to work in a Boston
22:48whaler.
22:49I gave the guy at the market five bucks to watch the boat, and it was still there when
22:54I came back.
22:56And, uh...
22:58Fisherman would come up and offer me, uh, offer us, uh, the catch of the day.
23:03It was...
23:04It was...
23:05Magic.
23:05Would you take it back and cook the fish yourself?
23:08No.
23:11No.
23:12Is that outrageous?
23:13No, it was...
23:14It is...
23:14Because Jimmy's sister was, uh...
23:17Was my cook.
23:18Jimmy's sister.
23:19Who's Jimmy?
23:22Me?
23:22Oh, no, no, no.
23:24The other Jimmy.
23:24Jimmy Buffett.
23:25Oh, Jimmy Buffett.
23:26Oh, wow.
23:26The good one.
23:27I thought we did that, because Jimmy had the...
23:29Jimmy got me the boat.
23:30Jimmy Buffett got you the boat?
23:32Yeah.
23:32Oh, my God.
23:33It was a boat he used to crew on as a kid.
23:35And it was now in...
23:37It was in New York, uh, uh, doing dinner cruises.
23:40You and Jimmy Buffett were very close, right?
23:43Almost as close as I am with Woody.
23:45With Woody, yeah.
23:46Right, right.
23:46No.
23:47Woody.
23:53I feel like, is there any chance...
23:54No, Jimmy and I were...
23:55Yeah, Jimmy and I, and you were very close.
23:57Is there any chance I could be the new Jimmy in your life?
24:05Yeah.
24:07Yeah.
24:08I could probably get you a boat.
24:13I don't need a boat right now.
24:18But thanks.
24:20What else could you do for me?
24:23Oh, I could get you a lot of stuff.
24:25Don't worry.
24:25Believe me.
24:26We could have a lot of fun, you and I.
24:27We really could.
24:28I-I gonna...
24:29Just, you know, we...
24:30Of course, we'd have to...
24:31We'd have to strip down, but we could have a lot of fun together.
24:35We'd like to see my muscular body, wouldn't we?
24:39I would.
24:40I would.
24:40I'll be honest.
24:42You know what?
24:44Let's take a commercial break, and when we come back, we'll see Harrison Ford's body.
24:50Harrison Ford is here.
24:57You've helped so many people.
24:59The thing about your legacy, the things you've accomplished, you're the one who said to me,
25:03I should never think about things I can't do.
25:06You made me focus on little things.
25:08This jerk made me do that, too.
25:11Case in point, I feel very lucky to be hanging out with you two.
25:15We're much cooler than you.
25:16Lucky is not a sad man.
25:18Hmm.
25:19That is Harrison Ford and Michael J. Fox in the new episode of Sprinting,
25:23which you can see on Wednesdays on Apple TV.
25:27This is a really good show.
25:29And every week, my wife and I watch the show, and we say,
25:33I can't believe Harrison Ford is on a TV show.
25:36And we're so happy that you're on the TV show, because it really is great.
25:40And the stuff that you got...
25:42I mean, having Michael J. Fox on the show, your character on the show has Parkinson's,
25:46and then having Michael J. Fox on the show, a show that now is almost tailored to him,
25:52is really a beautiful thing.
25:54Did you see somebody that you've known for a long time?
25:57No.
25:58Recently, huh?
25:59No, I haven't.
26:00We met in the...
26:04In the past, and I mean, I know Michael to say hello, but I haven't really spent very much time
26:11with him.
26:13It's his commitment to joining us means everything to me.
26:22It's really fantastic that he's willing to do that.
26:26But he's a tremendous advocate for finding a cure for Parkinson's.
26:35And he has raised more money for Parkinson's research than anybody has.
26:42Yeah.
26:46And he's just the greatest guy.
26:52And what a treat to get to know him and to work with him.
26:57He's, you know, the effects of Parkinson's are quite clear upon him, on him.
27:11But his vitality, his intelligence, his quality, man, is just so impressive.
27:22He's such an impressive person.
27:26And he inspires all of us.
27:28He does.
27:28He does.
27:29Yeah, he is a great guy.
27:30And he has such a great, positive attitude all the time.
27:33It makes me ashamed of myself.
27:36Well, you should be.
27:37I know.
27:39You caused a...
27:40I don't know if you even are aware of this, but the Internet went bananas for a moment that, as
27:47far as I understand, was improvised.
27:48Well, let's take a look at it right here.
27:49Ta-da, ta-da, ta-da, the goat is back.
27:55I mean, you come in...
28:03Singing the theme from Indiana Jones.
28:06Well, that was something that you just surprised them with.
28:10I don't remember.
28:11You don't remember.
28:12Do you remember the reaction when you did that on set?
28:16Because I feel like it must have been extreme.
28:18I...
28:19Maybe they...
28:20Maybe it was...
28:22I don't really remember.
28:24Here's a question.
28:25Maybe you remember this.
28:26Have you ever made love to the soundtrack of one of your films?
28:32Maybe witness?
28:34Of course I am.
28:46It's a dumb question.
28:52Jason Segel is your co-star on the show.
28:55Were you familiar with his work before you guys did this together?
28:59Yes.
29:00Yes.
29:00I had seen him in...
29:02In other movies.
29:04Yes.
29:05In...
29:05Very, very talented.
29:08Hilarious.
29:08Very smart.
29:09Wonderful guy.
29:10I really...
29:10I'm so lucky to have a chance to work with him.
29:14He, um...
29:15He said...
29:16He said something about a note that you sent him after you saw the movie Finding Sarah Marshall.
29:21I knew you were going there.
29:23Yeah.
29:25Yeah.
29:25It was a short note.
29:27Mm-hmm.
29:31Two words, right?
29:34Two words.
29:35Mm-hmm.
29:38Nice...
29:39Penis.
29:40Right.
29:41Right.
29:49I hope he has that framed in his home because that's a great, great note.
29:53And I would note something like that from you as well.
29:57Um, when we get on the boat, you know?
29:59You mean the note or the penis?
30:04Let's start with the note.
30:06And we'll go from there.
30:08Yeah.
30:08This is a great shot.
30:10Um, this is...
30:11It looks like you guys are in a hotel room.
30:14It's you, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fisher recreating the famous poster for the Star Wars.
30:21Yeah.
30:21And is this...
30:23Is that a Danish that Carrie Fisher has on her head?
30:28It looks like she might have two of them.
30:30Yeah.
30:31Oh, yeah, yeah.
30:31You're right.
30:32She does have two of them.
30:33Yeah.
30:33And Mark Hamill's bell-bottom trousers.
30:38Yours have got some flair to them as well.
30:40I see it now.
30:42Yeah.
30:43That's beautiful.
30:44Yeah.
30:46Um, all right.
30:48That's it.
30:48Okay.
30:51We, um, I think we covered everything.
30:53Yeah?
30:55Right.
30:55Right.
30:57No.
31:01What?
31:03Who?
31:04Oh, you want me to read the plug?
31:06Okay.
31:07All right.
31:08I will.
31:08You want me to read it?
31:09Yeah, if you don't mind.
31:10That would be great.
31:12Go ahead.
31:15New episodes of Shrinking are available Wednesday on Apple TV.
31:19We'll be right back with Sarah Chalky.
31:32All right.
31:33Welcome back.
31:34Sarah Chalk's coming up.
31:35But first, we stop to take a moment to ponder the questions that no one would ever ask.
31:40It's time for three ridiculous questions with Ike Barinholtz.
31:58Is dry cleaning a hoax?
32:00Dry cleaning is not a hoax.
32:04But I, I think it, it's lame that I pay all this money and they still can't get the yellow
32:10stains out of the armpits.
32:12You can't?
32:13I've gone to three different guys.
32:14I'm so sorry.
32:16It's okay.
32:16I'm really feeling bad.
32:17I feel like I shouldn't even have brought this up.
32:20You didn't know.
32:21You okay?
32:23No.
32:25Is the elevator open button, closed button connected to anything?
32:30I literally just heard yesterday someone say that the closed door on an elevator does
32:41not work.
32:42If that is true, that is a very widespread and crazy thing that we've been subject to
32:48for, for many, many years.
32:50But who's behind it?
32:50Actually installed.
32:52Follow the money.
32:52It's got to be people who make the buttons.
32:54What, big button?
32:55Big button.
32:57What is a surgery you think you could perform on yourself?
33:01I don't want to say I can do it because I've tried it once and failed.
33:05But if I ever need for some reason to have a second vasectomy, I think I know what I
33:11did wrong the first time.
33:13To self-vasectomies.
33:15Cheers.
33:16Not enough guys are doing them.
33:18Ouch.
33:19Almost no women are doing them.
33:21Seriously.
33:21Come on, ladies.
33:22Get on board.
33:23Johnny Walker.
33:24The answer to all of life's ridiculous questions.
33:34Hi.
33:35Welcome back.
33:36Harrison Ford just borrowed $10 from one of our producers to tip the valet.
33:43We have no valet here.
33:48Our next guest is a real-life Canadian and a fake-life medical professional who returns
33:53to her role as Dr. Elliot Reid on Scrubs.
33:56Scurvy can lead to tooth loss, bleeding eyes, and heart failure.
33:59Or it could not because it's also a super easy fix, right, Dr. Reid?
34:03Correct.
34:03Dr. Tosh, you need to add citrus fruits to your diet.
34:06Which could be super fun.
34:08And hello, farmer's market, right?
34:09You could be, like, the hottest guy there.
34:11Plus, all the girls at the farmer's market are super liberated.
34:14You know what I mean?
34:16I can't maintain 6% body fat eating fruit.
34:19You do you, Tarzan.
34:21Watch all new episodes Wednesdays at 8 here on ABC.
34:24And the next day on Hulu, please welcome Sarah Chalk.
34:44Now, what did you say?
34:45How long has it been since the last time I saw you on this program?
34:49I think it was 25 years ago.
34:51Maybe not quite 25, because we've only been on 23.
34:54I'm not good at math.
34:55Okay, all right, that's good.
34:56Were you surprised when they said, hey, and they called you and said,
34:59we want to bring the show back?
35:00Well, I kind of manifested it.
35:02You did?
35:02Like, a couple years ago, I said, I just want to do a comedy again,
35:05like Scrubs, that felt like Scrubs, that shoots in Vancouver.
35:08And then that's what happened.
35:10This one really is like Scrubs and really feels like Scrubs.
35:14And it shoots in Vancouver, where you live.
35:16But it didn't shoot in Vancouver the first time around.
35:19No, no.
35:20So it was pretty exciting.
35:21Oh, that's excellent.
35:22Yeah, I learned from Zach Braff and Donald Faison that they built a set that looks just
35:27like the hospital you guys worked in here in Los Angeles.
35:31It's wild.
35:31It's, like, identical.
35:32They built 30,000 square feet of the exact same hospital.
35:35Did you, I mean, was it something that, did you feel like you never left, or did it feel
35:40very different for you?
35:42Well, some things changed, but a lot of it stayed quite the same.
35:46What stayed the same?
35:48Well, crazy stuff would always happen to me back then.
35:53Like, I would come into work and I'd be like, I sprained my ankle stepping on a pine cone,
35:58so I'm going to have to not walk in the episode and just be, like, behind the gurney.
36:01And then, you know, I had a recurring limbo injury.
36:04And then that hasn't changed.
36:06Like, I feel like 25, like, that should be different.
36:09But as recently as a couple years ago, I was sprayed in the face at very close range by a
36:13skunk.
36:14Oh, you were?
36:15For real?
36:16For real.
36:16These are not made-up stories.
36:17No, these are very real.
36:17Because you have to really, I don't know where you'd find a pine cone in L.A. to step on.
36:23In the first place, we had a Christmas tree lot or something.
36:26I found the one pine cone.
36:27You found the one pine cone.
36:28I bring them from Canada.
36:29Now, skunks, there are plenty of them.
36:30Yeah.
36:30Yeah, I was in my backyard reading a script, and two fluffy things run by.
36:36And I'm like, two fluffy things?
36:37I only have one fluffy thing.
36:38And I lean over, but because I was sitting, I turned the corner and into a skunk's spraying ass
36:44just like, it's like right here.
36:48And I'm like, and that extra second that it took to register that it was happening was like a second
36:55too long.
36:55So I got a lot of thick yellow skunk oil.
36:59It's a double whammy, because it's like, first, I'm going to show you this.
37:04And then, when you're glued to it, I'm going to get you, right?
37:09I've never seen a skunk spray.
37:12It's thick, you say?
37:13It's a thick yellow oil.
37:15Uh-huh.
37:15And when it goes into your eyes, you have to run to the sink to wash it out.
37:18And the only problem with that is then your dog runs and rolls in every bed in the house,
37:23trying to get it off of her.
37:25Oh.
37:25And so it got on everything we owned.
37:28Everything we owned was ruined.
37:29So it was like the biggest Marie Kondo experience of my life, because I was like,
37:32does this spark enough joy to go in a Tide soaking bath and then a vinegar soaking bath
37:36and then air out for seven days and then wash it three times
37:39and then see if it still smells, which it always did?
37:42Thank goodness you're a medical professional or a pretend medical professional, you know,
37:46for a situation like this.
37:47Are crazy things now happening to you again now that you're with those guys or no?
37:53Well, two days before we started shooting, we were rehearsing and Zach said to all the
37:57new kids, so something's going to happen to Sarah every day.
38:02Every day something's broken.
38:03She's going to come in and something's going to be broken and you're not going to believe
38:06it, but it's going to be real.
38:07And so the next day was the day before we went back to shooting the show and, you know,
38:10we hadn't been 15 years and I was hiking the dogs and I tripped and slid down the mountain
38:18and broke my finger and I was going to meet Zach and Donald and the producers for brunch.
38:22And I was like, you know what?
38:24We don't need to worry anybody.
38:25I haven't had an x-ray yet.
38:25I just won't say anything.
38:27I'm sitting at brunch.
38:28I'm telling a story.
38:29My sweater comes down and Zach's like, why are you bleeding from your arm?
38:34And I was like, oh yeah, I just fell and my finger and it's broken.
38:38And then as I'm telling the story, the server has a tray of like so much water and so many
38:43drinks and so much food and trips and all over my lap is all the food.
38:46So I'm sitting there telling a story of my broken finger with my bleeding arm and all the
38:49food and everyone's like, um, nothing has changed.
38:53They should be following you around with cameras at all times.
38:56It also sounds like maybe you're doing, you're like doing dangerous things.
39:00Are you like a risk taker?
39:02Because you're in, you should probably stay in the house.
39:04I definitely should stay in the house.
39:07I do like adventures.
39:08I can't say no to an adventure.
39:10I can't say no to a dare.
39:12Oh, really?
39:13No, can't.
39:14Oh.
39:16Can't.
39:16Can't.
39:17Like any, okay, so what is, what is,
39:19a dare that you was a little bit crazy that you did?
39:21Well, it started out, it's in my bones.
39:24Like it started in my childhood.
39:25Like my friends and I would just dare each other to do anything and everything.
39:30Like I remember one time I was dared to go up to the teacher who was in the middle of
39:34a lecture in like grade eight.
39:35She was giving a lesson and she had this necklace on with a big like conch shell.
39:40And so I was dared to go up and listen for the ocean, which I did.
39:43Um, so I kind of like carried on into scrubs and like, it's super weird.
39:50It was really, it was really weird.
39:51So they'd be odd things, not necessarily wild.
39:54Like if I were to say, um, I dare you to dump your glass of water on your head, would
39:58you dump your glass of water on your head?
40:00No, I don't like saying no to a dare.
40:03Right.
40:03Can I do it at the end?
40:05Yeah, you can do it at the end.
40:06You can do it anytime.
40:07You don't have to do it.
40:12But if I, now this is a conundrum because I've actually never said no to a dare.
40:17Do your kids know this?
40:18But no one brushed my hair for me.
40:19Do your children know that they can dare you to do anything and you will do it?
40:27Oh, you know what?
40:31You're smart.
40:33You're too smart enough.
40:35My, my kids, um, my kids do.
40:39My kids do know.
40:39I have to say, that was one of the most diabolical things I've ever seen.
40:45Well done.
40:46My kids do know, everyone at Scrubs knew, like we had a dares the whole time.
40:50Um, it was called Scrubs Factor and I was dare, I was in a stripper burlesque outfit for
40:56a fantasy sequence and, um, so I was dared five hundred bucks to go to Starbucks in my
41:01stripper outfit.
41:02So I did.
41:03Oh, you did?
41:03Yeah.
41:04Of course I did.
41:05We've never said no to a dare.
41:06The, uh, she went in the regular Starbucks and so were they delighted to see you?
41:10What is a stripper outfit, by the way?
41:12Naked, right?
41:14Well, this was a burlesque stripper.
41:15I see, I see.
41:16It was an old timey.
41:17It was a little old timey.
41:18Um, but it was L.A., so nobody really noticed her.
41:21Yeah, right.
41:22It was like, okay.
41:23Well, I'm impressed, I have to say.
41:25All new Scrubs, it wears Wednesdays at 8 here on ABC, and then you can watch it streaming
41:30the next day on Hulu.
41:32Thank you for being here.
41:33Sarah Chalk, everybody.
41:42Well, thanks to Harrison Ford and Sarah Chalk, apologies to Matt Damon.
41:46We ran out of time for him.
41:47Nightline is next.
41:48Join us tomorrow with Conan and Matthew Fox.
41:51Thanks for watching.
41:51Good night.
41:52Thanks.
41:52Bye.
41:53Bye.
41:54Bye.
41:55Bye.
41:57Bye.
41:58Bye.
42:00Bye.
42:00You
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