- 2 hours ago
The Bear Gary
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TVTranscript
00:05I don't know.
00:46you look good yeah i am proud of you i'm proud of you i love you i love you so
00:54much
01:07oh my god let's fucking go yeah do this okay you better be home by 5 15.
01:19no problemo babe
01:25yo stop stop you're gonna wake up the whole fucking neighborhood be fucking on time
01:29shit i forgot yeah i'm sorry yeah yeah give me a sec
01:33fucking oh yeah there it is there it is you get in the fucking coming to go in that car
01:43get in the
01:43fucking car get in the car let's go there's just nothing allowed yet all right just why are you
01:54slamming that fool why do you have to just just fucking shut it slam it don't say you didn't when
01:59you did michael i did this you guys show me again yeah i hated that how terrible is that fucking
02:11filth got it from fucking gogos it's pretty good what is it hazelnut you know they're debit only now
02:17what if you don't have a debit card right then you're fucked if you don't have a debit card you
02:20got the debit card you got to pay a fucking fee it's like they fuck you in the ass either
02:23way
02:23yeah because if they do the credit card then they got to pay a percentage of the credit card i
02:28understand but why fuck the customer it's just for no reason
02:34gotta tell you my it's kind of like a little bit of a glass half half empty kind of
02:39energy you're working with for this mission double oh fucking suck my dick what do you mean a mission
02:42yo we're fucking transporting some goods across state lines i'm taking a fucking tape box to gary
02:47indiana gary fucking indiana that's where we're going what's in the box
02:51i don't know what's in the fucking box it's taped i just said it's taped you can tell me
02:58all right fair enough i don't need to know you're a fucking donkey that's what you fucking are
03:02that's what you are fucking all you don't even know what you're fucking taking you're just
03:05fucking moving donkey fucking packing old donkey i am a donkey you ever see what a donkey's packing
03:10downstairs you ever see that donkey downstairs
03:18what's happening stay here is that jimmy mike
04:00what are you doing good didn't i say stay in the car what man i said stay in the car
04:05why can't you
04:06just stay in the fucking car you didn't say stay in the car you didn't hear me say stay in
04:09the car
04:09you didn't say it's fucking i didn't hear you say it because you didn't say it's too much rich
04:14fucking dog huh i'm not a fucking dog you can't fucking tell me where to go and when to do
04:19it
04:21yo look what i made last night
04:26you made a fucking did you make that yeah i made this tunes for gary come on baby let's do
04:33this
04:35oh oh oh oh oh oh i am gradual with the volume just turn it off this is gradual with
04:43the volume
04:43that's exactly what i did i swear to god stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop
04:47it pull this
04:47fucking car over and fucking leave you here you understand this is not this is this is not gradual
04:53like that that's not what i did i know how to i respect the fucking car
05:00now i want you to respect the fucking music
05:25good gracious
05:30yeah there he is there he is there he is there he is don't fucking touch me stop stop
05:38want to hear some fun facts about gary
05:42guess the population
05:4570 000
05:47uh it is a rust belt city
05:50it was once known as magic city
05:53it was once also known as the city of the century
05:55city of the century 54 female for those of us in the car that are you know not married that
06:01might be
06:01uh
06:02pretty fun fact
06:05obviously john cougar melancamp michael jackson fucking orangutan michael jackson's from gary the old jackson five for that night could
06:11have fucking said tito before fucking john cougar melancamp
06:13all right oh shit coney king does a piece of puff
06:16what coney king does a piece of puff i thought that was just a chicago thing
06:23you're trying to tell me you're not at all excited about traveling more traveling
06:26yeah you're not just tired of the same old same old this is what i'm talking about michael
06:31this is a fucking mission jimmy's entrusting us with some more responsibility we got the
06:34fucking open road ahead of us you know there's a lot of you know positive things about this day
06:40responsibility huh yeah yeah feeling respected
06:44yeah yeah
06:46i think the time you'll come to find that this is a maybe a potentially transformative day
06:52we're on a great day bop down to gary
06:55little bada bing bada boom
06:57bop bap bop here we're fucking home by 5 15
07:00the latest
07:015 15 why 5 15
07:02it's just the thing with tiff that she's got superstition about
07:05superstition about what
07:06her mom went into labor at 5 15 and she got it in her head that she's gonna
07:10you know the same thing's gonna happen to her
07:12it's the stupidest fucking thing i ever heard in my life
07:14i can't
07:14why would the same thing
07:15i know literally how many minutes are in a fucking day
07:17there's like thousands of fucking minutes in a day
07:19why would it happen
07:20i'm not saying that this makes any kind of sense
07:22so we need to be back by 5 15 because her fucking mother spit her out
07:25it's a non it's a non-issue
07:26it's a non-issue
07:27it's a non it is a fucking issue if you're saying we got to be back by 5 15
07:31we'll be back by 5 15
07:32that's why i'm saying it's a non-issue
07:37you'd rather be fucking serving beefs all day
07:41fucking open road
07:45where's my candy city baby
07:47and i love candy city wine
07:53well i might take the train
07:55i might take the plane
07:57but if i have to walk
07:59i'm going to the same
08:01going to
08:02kansas city
08:04kansas city
08:06here i come
08:09they got some crazy little women there
08:13and i'm gonna
08:14give me one
08:15welcome to indiana
08:17you're a fucking world traveler
08:19rich congratulations
08:20let's go
08:21yeah you feel different
08:36city of magic
08:38city of the century
08:41you think this happened overnight
08:43oh yeah i just flipped a switch
08:44and everything just went
08:46up the switch
08:51definitely doesn't feel like chicago
08:59it's fucking 35 minutes away
09:01i don't know what to say
09:04she'll change
09:06quick
09:08they got some crazy little women there
09:11and i'm gonna
09:12give me one
09:16they got some crazy little women there
09:27gotcha
09:29good
09:43hey hi hun
09:44hey
09:45how you feeling
09:47uh
09:48i'm
09:48you know
09:49i think i'm good
09:51what do you mean
09:52i don't know
09:53i'm not sure how to describe it
09:55it's just like
09:55it's like
09:56what
09:57it's like
09:57i feel like i have to shit really bad
09:59but i don't know
10:00i can't tell if this is what the doctor said to look out for
10:03okay
10:03like
10:06contraction
10:06you think it's like
10:08like braxton hicks
10:09uh yeah probably
10:10but you know i'll be okay
10:11it's not close to 5 15 yet so
10:13yeah
10:14yeah don't worry
10:15i'm okay
10:16okay
10:16did you do the drop off
10:17uh almost
10:19uh-huh
10:19well i'm proud of you
10:20i'm really proud of you
10:21how's the drive
10:22are you having fun
10:23yeah
10:23yeah we're having a good time
10:26and how about mikey
10:27is he okay
10:28yeah
10:29he's good
10:29okay that's great
10:30but don't smoke any cigarettes though honey
10:32promise me
10:32right
10:32okay
10:33listen i'm gonna call you back okay
10:34just try me if you need anything
10:36okay i love you
10:37okay i love you so much
10:39what's up what do you say
10:41he said he let us know in a few hours
10:44let us know
10:47what's it for
10:48like three four
10:49richie i didn't say it
10:50he said
10:53he had hours to kill and gary
10:55you still feeling respected
10:57fuck it
10:58it's just
10:59i don't know
10:59let's get something to eat
11:00i see that
11:03it's michael jackson's house
11:05huh
11:06yeah
11:08shimmy
11:18lock the door
11:20reach in there
11:24what are you doing
11:25teddy pendergrass
11:26yes
11:27we are
11:28oh a little tp
11:29yes i love
11:30romantic
11:30romantic hot dog place
11:32you got here
11:33oh
11:35oh
11:35listen to the old school music
11:37yeah
11:38i'm right there with you
11:39yeah
11:40and you know what they're saying
11:41yeah
11:44hi
11:44welcome to thomany king
11:46appreciate you
11:46yo mike this is alicia
11:47how are you
11:48nice to meet you
11:48mike
11:49how are you
11:50i'll be your server
11:51just let me know
11:51if you need anything
11:52appreciate it
11:53why don't you eliminate
11:56welcome
11:59you're missing out
12:00you're missing out
12:01huh
12:01yeah
12:01yeah
12:02how long you worked here
12:04i've been working here five years
12:05five years
12:06yeah
12:07that's business pretty good
12:08it's great
12:09i love it
12:10you love it
12:10what do you love about it
12:11i like working with people
12:13for public
12:13that's the answer right there
12:15michael hates people
12:16oh man
12:18believe what he says
12:19i don't like crowds
12:20i don't hate people
12:21but i just don't like crowds
12:23you cook at home
12:25you like the truth
12:25yeah only the truth
12:27no
12:28when i leave here
12:29i don't want to go stand
12:30in front of a stove
12:31that's it huh
12:32y'all cook at home
12:34a little bit
12:35sometimes i write out
12:36some pots and pans
12:37but i don't know
12:37not too much
12:38i don't really cook
12:38at the restaurant though
12:39so
12:39what kind of restaurant
12:40similar to this
12:42okay
12:42similar to this family spot
12:43i do some cooking
12:45from time to time
12:45yeah
12:46what do you do
12:47what do i do
12:47at the restaurant
12:49yeah
12:49yeah what do you do
12:51uh
12:51i guess i'm like
12:53i don't know
12:53i don't know
12:53how you say it
12:54like kind of a bit
12:54of a song and dance
12:55man
12:57i don't know
12:57public relations
12:58forward facing
12:59you know
13:08cousin what do you think
13:09of the name
13:09annie
13:15throw some names
13:16jimmy you like
13:20jimmy
13:23call me crazy
13:23but i actually like
13:24the name alfia
13:26alfia
13:27alfia
13:27alfia sounds like
13:29the name of like
13:29somebody that's getting
13:30their ass kicked off
13:31nah
13:31alfia
13:32i feel strong
13:36sounds like a nerd
13:37man
13:38alfia
13:39alfia
13:41i'll see you later
13:46i'll see you around
13:47noon
13:47i'll see you when i get
13:49back from social studies
13:54i'll see you for dinner
13:58i'll see you when i see you
14:14i met this eva
14:16that i liked once
14:17eva
14:34oh look at these little
14:35fuckers
14:36oh these little fuckers
14:38are about to get it
14:39what's up girls
14:40oh we're gonna fucking
14:41okay
14:43yeah sure
14:44all right you little fuckers
14:47ready to get some
14:48that's my second favorite
14:49sport right here
14:52hey we got nicks
14:55hey what's the score
14:56of that game right there
14:57well you guys who bring
14:59you picking daisies
15:00let me and my boy get one
15:01of you we run threes
15:03which one
15:03all right come on
15:04daffodil you ready to win
15:06yeah
15:06come here young buck
15:07what's going on i'm mikey
15:09and that's you jaded
15:09what's up buddy how are you
15:10oh we gonna have balls
15:11like that y'all want five
15:13points what's up mikey
15:14what's up all right
15:14let's run
15:15i don't even need to warm up
15:17come on rich let's go
15:19oh shit
15:20it's time for a little
15:21silken suede
15:22oh shit
15:23y'all about to get
15:23so y'all want ross
15:24you sure you don't need
15:25to stretch
15:25i'm about to stretch
15:26you boy
15:27hold on let's wait for him
15:28you ready
15:28yeah
15:29hey good luck youngsters
15:31let's go
15:31oh hold on
15:34come on
15:34come here
15:35i don't know
15:37i'm sorry where were you
15:38all right play play play
15:40i got bigs go out there
15:41stay with him
15:42stay in front
15:42oh okay
15:45that's gonna hurt
15:46let's go
15:47yeah
15:47it's man game
15:48now
15:49it's different
15:50let's go
15:52you know it's the
15:53it's the orange circle
15:54right
15:54it's the orange circle
15:55you want to try to get it
15:56in that orange circle
15:58everyone's afraid of
15:59contact out here
16:00go to the basket
16:01that ain't happening
16:02don't be afraid
16:03come on
16:06good for you
16:08every dog has his day
16:09all right
16:09bring it down there again
16:11it's cause i'm covering three guys rich
16:12let's go
16:13play ball
16:19it's every time
16:20he's beating you in the back
16:22fucking door
16:22yo
16:23keep the fucking door shut
16:24do not let him
16:25do not let him get behind you
16:26it's
16:26it's
16:27motherfucker
16:28all right let's go
16:29nice play
16:30oh
16:30where you going
16:32yeah
16:32that's what i'm talking about
16:34hey you got it
16:35it's one
16:35that's one
16:35let's go
16:36hey
16:37come on
16:38yep
16:38hit one
16:41that's a good shot boy
16:42bank's fucking open
16:43all day
16:44hey
16:45hey
16:45hey
16:46it's a shot that fucking counts
16:47right
16:48let's go play defense hot shot
16:52let's go
16:55you all right
16:58let's go play ball
16:59check up
17:00check up he's crying
17:01i tell you what
17:03they breed him soft out here
17:04in india
17:05it ain't the 80s
17:06it ain't the 80s
17:07it ain't the 80s
17:09let's go
17:10did you change your diaper
17:11before the game
17:12like do you
17:13or do you just play
17:13what do you got a swimmer on
17:14you play with a swimmer on
17:16let's go
17:17next basket wins
17:18no
17:19set a ball
17:20yes sir
17:20yes sir
17:23yes baby
17:24let's fucking go
17:25you see that screen
17:26yeah
17:26i'm a fucking lion
17:27i love it
17:28i love you boy
17:29all day
17:30hey good shit
17:31good shit youngsters
17:32good shit
17:32look at that
17:33look at what he's doing
17:35hey young buck
17:35you're not so bad
17:36you just miss a back
17:37how do you miss a back door there
17:39you see the back of his head
17:40you gotta cut to the back
17:41and you're not passing
17:41exactly
17:42and that's what i've been
17:43trying to tell you
17:43you guys are fucking garbage
17:44the indiana guys
17:46are fucking garbage
17:47hey shut your old bitch ass up
17:49oh
17:49you're negative
17:51you're negative
17:52you know what actually
17:53i'm out to get
17:53no no no no no no no no
17:55it's all right
17:56let him play
17:56let him play
17:57let him play
17:57we love you
17:58we love you
17:58yo your fucking nikes
17:59look like fucking moccasins
18:06fellas let's be real
18:08very indiana
18:18hey you got tall boys
18:20no tall boys
18:22just regular boys
18:23like you
18:25what do we got here
18:29hey yo yo yo
18:30why you creeping
18:35go on get me some of that OE
18:36don't focus some of that
18:38ah
18:40drink your beer and get out
18:41okay okay
18:42don't drink beer in store
18:43yo
18:45I feel sorry for your mother
18:46no
18:47come on
18:48what you say about my mama
18:50sorry about my friend
18:54two please
18:56let me get a scratch card
18:59crescent kick is a defensive maneuver
19:01that's just you know
19:02clearing space
19:03just to just to fucking
19:04snap kick is for speed
19:07don't even see that fucker coming
19:09but then if you need power
19:10then you know
19:11it's just fucking side kick
19:12bah all day
19:13break a fucker's knee right
19:14bah
19:15that's it
19:16let's help that shit
19:17want me to tell you what the move is though
19:18yeah
19:18look dude
19:19I don't want to fight you at all
19:20I'm just going home
19:21that's it
19:21fucking back kick
19:24right
19:25back kick
19:25I was getting there
19:27ding dong motherfucker
19:29oh be careful there
19:32be careful
19:32don't get it on the list
19:33hey I'm so sorry about
19:35and it's like so many
19:37it's like a fucking mule
19:37like think about a mule
19:38like that
19:39it's these big
19:40you're actually generating force
19:41with like the big fucking muscles
19:44you know what I'm saying
19:45yeah
19:45it's because you're already
19:46going this direction
19:47then you come in that direction
19:48yeah just even like the sight of it
19:50you know what I mean
19:50yeah
19:51fuck yeah
20:02why are we starving
20:06Christmas custom
20:11woohoo
20:38yes sir
20:40oh yes sir
20:41you're fucking unbelievable
20:44yeah
20:47you got fucking magic powers
20:52dog
21:01oh
21:02ah
21:02oh
21:02oh
21:02Oh
21:02oh
21:02Oh! Oh!
21:08Just for your...
21:17Ah! Ah!
21:22Zulbut!
21:27Zulbut!
21:34Zulbut!
21:36You see that sign?
21:41Huh?
21:42Cousin, you see that sign right over there?
21:44Yeah.
21:49I think...
21:51Did you see it before?
21:53What you talking about?
21:54I'm saying there is no way!
21:58The two of us are sitting here for over an hour
22:01And neither of us have seen that fucking sign right there.
22:06Yeah, Rich, it's a fucking sign.
22:09I think that bar just appeared.
22:11Yo, for real?
22:12Shut the fuck up.
22:13For real, though?
22:14I think that bar just fucking appeared.
22:16Michael.
22:17Okay, the bar just fucking appeared, Rich.
22:19You don't think that's crazy?
22:20It's a fucking bar.
22:23It's a sign.
22:26It's a sign.
22:27Open.
22:28That sign is a sign.
22:31That sign is a sign.
22:34We're going in there.
22:36Are you fucking retarded?
22:37Are you fucking...
22:38We've been sitting here an hour.
22:39He's gonna call any minute.
22:40We're not going in a fucking bar.
22:41What's the big deal?
22:42We run in a little fucking shot of rhythm and blues.
22:44We're not going in a fucking bar, Rich.
22:46Just sit down and do your fucking job.
22:47Listen to what I'm telling you, Michael.
22:48That sign is a sign.
22:50Okay, it's a fucking sign.
22:50Some things are bigger than you and me and fucking Jimmy.
22:53We are going in there.
22:53We're not going in a fucking bar.
22:55Just sit the fuck down.
22:56I hate when you get like this.
22:58I fucking hate that.
22:59Don't hit the fuck...
22:59What are you doing?
23:00What are you fucking...
23:00Fine, all right.
23:01You're right, you're right.
23:03You're right.
23:04We can't go.
23:05All right.
23:09What are you doing?
23:10Hey, Richie, get in the fucking car.
23:12Rich.
23:13Sir, can you please step out of the vehicle?
23:16Sir, please.
23:16I'm not going to ask you again.
23:17Please step out of the vehicle.
23:19License and registrate.
23:20Okay, that's it.
23:21Put your vagina where I can see it.
23:23Put your vagina right where I can see it.
23:26Fucking houses.
23:27Stop.
23:27Stop.
23:27Yo.
23:28Yo, come on.
23:29Wait a minute.
23:29Come on.
23:29We're not going.
23:30Yo, come on.
23:31Let's just go.
23:31I'm not doing that fucking bar.
23:32I'm not doing that fucking bar.
23:33No.
23:33Just a little shot of rhythm and blues and we come back.
23:35No, we're not doing it.
23:36No, no.
23:36You're fucking here.
23:37You fucking...
23:38You fucking do a shot of fucking cocaine.
23:40You think you can fight a fucking tiger?
23:42Come on.
23:43Stop.
23:44It's fucking terrible.
23:45What's terrible?
23:46I'm like genuinely inspired here and you're just shitting all over my fucking dreams.
23:51It's terrible.
23:52I hope you feel good about yourself right now.
23:55Why are you pressuring me?
23:56Come on.
23:58All right, fuck you.
24:00I'm going in.
24:01You're going in.
24:02I'm going in.
24:04Oh, shh.
24:06Yo.
24:07I'm good?
24:08How do I do?
24:09You look like a fucking barbarian.
24:10You look like my father.
24:13All right, I'm going in.
24:14Go.
24:16Honk if you need me.
24:18Yeah!
24:21You'll fucking see.
24:23You'll fucking see.
24:26You're going to remember this fucking day.
24:42That's a fucking sign.
24:45You're going to remember this fucking sign.
24:53You're going to remember this fucking sign.
24:55You're going to remember this fucking sign.
24:57You're going to remember this fucking sign.
24:58You're going to remember this fucking sign.
24:59You're going to remember this fucking sign.
25:02You're going to remember this fucking sign.
25:02You're going to remember this sign.
25:02You're going to remember this sign.
25:02You're going to remember this sign.
25:03You're going to remember this sign.
25:04You're going to remember this sign.
25:09You're going to remember this sign.
25:40Ain't nothing funny. Stop smiling. Still don't nothing move but the money. But now I've learned to earn because I'm
25:45righteous. I feel great. So maybe I might just search for a nine to five.
25:50Hey. Hey. You Mike? Yeah. Is it true? What's that? I'm one of the goalies for the Blackhawks. Yeah?
26:10An e-bug? That's right.
26:16What is that? What's an e-bug? It's an emergency backup goalie. Yeah. Yeah. I like never play but I'm
26:27with the squad.
26:27That's cool. Yeah. That's cool.
26:33Yeah. Your buddy told us about you. Yeah. I bet he did.
26:39He also said, um, tell you to put your big boy pants on.
26:45And join us in the bar.
26:48Sounds about right. Oh boy.
26:51I'm just a messenger. I got it. Okay.
26:53It's pretty fun though. Okay.
26:55I think you'll like it. Okay.
27:14Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I, one time after a night out, uh, I got a ride home but they
27:22took me to the wrong house and I was too embarrassed to tell them
27:26that I knocked on the door of the house and, and convinced them to let me just come inside for
27:31a little bit.
27:32It's a fact.
27:33It's a fact.
27:34It's a fact.
27:35It's a fact.
27:36It's a fact.
27:36It's a fact.
27:36It's true.
27:38Okay.
27:39All right.
27:39You're on.
27:40You're on.
27:40You're on.
27:40Go.
27:41All right.
27:43Nine years old.
27:44Mm-hmm.
27:44I'm an altar boy.
27:45Bitch.
27:46Bitch.
27:46Yo!
27:47What the fuck?
27:49No.
27:50Immediately no.
27:51You guys are fucking good.
27:52All right.
27:53Can I take another crack at this?
27:55All right.
27:55All right.
27:55All right.
27:56Okay.
27:57Um, my senior year, uh, I was doing pretty well in school, but with fucking maths, I'm with
28:04my fucking lambium, you know?
28:06So my grandma, hey everybody, you see this?
28:10Fucking great.
28:14Um, so my grandma, she gave me an ultimatum.
28:16She was like, you got to get a math tutor.
28:19And so she told me about this lady, Rock Solano, who sang in her church choir, who, she was
28:25like, uh, a math professor for Cooks County Community.
28:30And I was like, no fucking way, grandma.
28:32I don't want to fucking do this.
28:33I don't want to do the math tutor with some fucking 90-year-old, like, you know, fucking
28:37babushka.
28:37Like, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
28:39Like, so, but she was like, listen, you got to do it or you got to move out.
28:43So, come Thursday, 7.30, I'm at this dude's house, eating his fucking mom's golden lasagne,
28:50you know?
28:51Okay.
28:51And I realized, like, I got to be at, uh, at Rock Solano's, this Tudor's, you know, in
28:57like five minutes.
28:58So I fucking down my cranberry juice, and I fucking sprint over there, bah, bah, bah,
29:02bah, bah, bah, bah, knock on the door.
29:04And this fucking woman that opens the door, I swear to God, like, straight out of Sports
29:09Illustrated fucking swimsuit issue.
29:12This is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen up to this point.
29:16Jet black hair, long, all the way down, just kissing kind of the top of her butt, you know?
29:21And we get in.
29:22What?
29:23What?
29:23What?
29:24What?
29:25What?
29:25You guys willing to factor fix me yet, or you want to hear more of the story?
29:29You want to hear the story?
29:30Yeah, you want to hear the story.
29:31Okay.
29:32All right.
29:32So we get in there, we're talking math, and all of a sudden, I feel my entire insides
29:39just turn to liquid, and I got to take a shit, like, bad.
29:44But I know that she got one little bathroom right there, this tiny thing, and I know if
29:48I go in there, she's going to hear everything, you know?
29:52And I'm just like, I mean, on the outside, I'm cool as a cucumber, you know, we're talking
29:57math, and on the inside, I'm just like, come on, asshole, don't you fucking fail me now,
30:01baby?
30:02And somehow, by the grace of God, I make it through this fucking tutor session, right?
30:09That's not helpful.
30:12So, Roxanne, a pleasure to meet you.
30:14I'll see you next Thursday, you know, blah, blah, blah.
30:16I get outside, and I'm like, yes, I'm going to fucking make it.
30:19I start to walk, quickly back up, back down, and it just comes out.
30:23That's it.
30:25And it's just like, that's what's happening.
30:28And I'm just, I start to pull my drawers down, my pants down.
30:32I look like one of those photographs of the guys that just discovered oil, you know?
30:37Like, stuff is gurgling, I can't tell what's coming up.
30:40And it's just like, some mud, and shit, and everywhere.
30:45And it's, like, I have this incredible feeling of relief, right?
30:50Until I see her little porch light come on, and time slows down, and I see her doorknob
30:55turn and open.
30:57And I look at her, and she looks at me very quickly, and then she quickly looks away.
31:02And I just fucking take off through the hedges, and I'm just fucking running.
31:09I'm just heading right back to Michael's house, and I'm covered with brambles, and my balls
31:13are slapping on either side, and I just got, like, a trail behind me, and I just can't
31:19stop laughing.
31:20And I'm crying with laughter, because I know in six blocks down fucking Milwaukee, I'm going
31:23to be at this dude's house, and I'm going to tell him this story, and this motherfucker
31:27is going to love it.
31:29Factor Fiction.
31:34Sadly, sadly, it is a bad.
31:36Sadly, it is a fucking bad.
31:43I'm all right, I'm all right, this is what's on me.
31:46I subject you guys to it.
31:48All right, hold on, I'll be right back, I'll be right back.
32:00You know I know, right?
32:02You know I know, right?
32:08You know I know, you're not a goalie for nothing.
32:10Ah, yes.
32:12That's total bullshit, yeah.
32:19What gave it away?
32:24There's something in your eyes.
32:25Yeah, fair, fair.
32:30You prefer Mike?
32:32Mikey, Michael?
32:34It's got to be your call.
32:37Yeah.
32:38No preference.
32:40Preference.
32:40Up to the customer.
32:44How about you, what's your name?
32:46Can you tell me?
32:48Guess.
32:49Guess?
32:51Oh, man, definitely.
32:53Bridget, I don't know.
32:55What?
32:57Oh, boy.
32:58Shonda.
32:59Shit, shit, shit.
33:01Fuck, I don't know.
33:01Sherry.
33:02Sherry, okay.
33:04Sherry from Gary.
33:05Oh, hey, that's the first time I've ever heard that real quick.
33:13You don't want to play the game, huh?
33:16Yeah.
33:18I don't know if that one's for me.
33:19I mean, you want to go?
33:24Sure, I want to go.
33:25Yeah?
33:26Yeah.
33:28Fact or fiction?
33:30Mike Lowe?
33:32Okay.
33:35Ask me a question.
33:37You from here?
33:44I am not from Indiana.
33:49I am from Portland.
33:51Maine, not Oregon.
33:53Okay.
33:56What are you doing here?
33:59I needed to start over.
34:01Okay.
34:01I need to get away from someone, something.
34:04Got in my 88 Honda Accord and started driving west, and my car broke down not too far from
34:10here.
34:11My mom's favorite movie was Eleven in the Afternoon, starring Gary Cooper.
34:17She always said she would have named me Gary if I was a boy, so I saw the sign.
34:20And I was like, all right, ma, stayed one night, it was quiet, like a ghost town, you know what
34:29I mean?
34:29Mm-hmm.
34:30Mm-hmm.
34:32Mm-hmm.
34:32Capstan.
34:33Mm-hmm.
34:34Work at this jazz joint, jazz joint down on Broadway called Dirties.
34:39Dirties?
34:39Yeah, I broke the bar.
34:40You like it?
34:41It's great.
34:43Why?
34:43You look great.
34:45Come on.
34:46Come on, what's not to like about a jazzy jazz and blues joint in Gary and Deanna?
34:52Yeah.
34:55Uh...
34:55Let's see.
34:57That is a fact.
35:01Fiction.
35:02No, really?
35:03Yeah.
35:03Fuck.
35:05Fuck.
35:07That Gary Cooper shit, that was suspect as a motherfucker.
35:10No, that's real.
35:10No, that's real.
35:11No, it's not.
35:11Oh, fuck.
35:14Tiff, it's me.
35:15It's Richie.
35:16Wait a minute.
35:17I can barely hear you.
35:18Tiff, it's me.
35:19Richard.
35:20Oh, fuck.
35:20How are you?
35:21Where are you?
35:22I'm in fucking Gary.
35:24It's so loud there.
35:25It's going so good.
35:26You sound like you're in a bar.
35:28Are you in a bar?
35:29We're in a bar.
35:30Why are you in a bar?
35:32Because the clients.
35:34Why are you in a bar?
35:36The clients from Jimmy.
35:38Tiff, it's going so fucking good.
35:40Look at that.
35:40Mikey is so smooth.
35:42It's so fucking smooth.
35:44I can't really hear you.
35:44Mikey is so smooth.
35:46Okay.
35:47We're having such a good time.
35:48Okay.
35:49Can you hear me?
35:50Because I can't really hear you.
35:52Hello?
35:53How are you feeling?
35:56Can you do it again?
35:59Yeah?
35:59All right.
36:00I was born and raised right the fuck here,
36:02here in Indiana.
36:02I lived here my whole life.
36:03I love to travel.
36:05Gone everywhere.
36:06But I lived here my whole life.
36:08I love trains.
36:09Do not put me on a boat.
36:11Let's see.
36:12I got two older sisters.
36:14They got a different dad,
36:15who I thought was Santa Claus
36:17until I was 11 years old.
36:18I'm not shit thinking about that one.
36:20Mm-hmm.
36:21Um,
36:22I had ovarian cancer when I was 22.
36:24Yeah.
36:26My mom is okay.
36:27My dad is...
36:29not.
36:31We have a three-legged dog named Lucky.
36:34He's a cool student in town.
36:37And I studied to be an arborist.
36:40An arborist?
36:40Yeah.
36:41Yeah.
36:42You got trees.
36:43I do.
36:44You do? Why?
36:44Where are the trees?
36:48They're quiet.
36:49Sturdy.
36:49Reliable.
36:50They're always there when you need them.
36:51Yeah.
36:53And they're pretty.
36:58That's a fucking fact.
37:02Maybe.
37:02Maybe.
37:05It's a fact.
37:07Maybe, maybe not.
37:09What makes you say it's a fact?
37:11I mean, you just...
37:12I don't know.
37:13You're just speaking from your heart.
37:15Right?
37:22What are you looking for, Michael?
37:23I don't know.
37:32Anything?
37:45Here you are, Sarah.
37:56I think he just called me Sarah.
38:01You're pretty hungry.
38:04You hear what he fucking calls me.
38:07Okay, so...
38:08It's 3.17 right now.
38:10I got enough time to be home by 5.15, right?
38:13Oh, yeah.
38:14You got a good time.
38:15You got a good time.
38:16Yeah, yeah.
38:17Oh, if the train isn't running...
38:20What happens with the train?
38:21Hey, you'll get caught behind.
38:23It is...
38:25Oh.
38:27You'll...
38:28Okay.
38:29Alright, thanks, guys.
38:29Do you leave yourself a buffer?
38:32That's like kind of the whole operation, you know?
38:34Wow.
38:34So you like work for him?
38:37I mean, I'm...
38:38I'm self-employed, you know?
38:40Yeah.
38:41Yeah.
38:41So you're the boss.
38:44Yeah, I guess...
38:45I'm the boss.
38:46And a lot of people depend on you, huh?
38:49I mean, I depend on a lot of people.
38:53I bet you're a good leader.
39:01People like...
39:04Like people say things about me.
39:07Then what do they say?
39:10They say that I don't finish things.
39:16Fact or fiction, Michael?
39:22You mind if I do a poem?
39:25I thought you were going to be you.
39:30That's...
39:32That's the coolest thing I've ever heard.
39:37Do you plan to be there for him?
39:39Yeah, yeah.
39:40No, I'm going to be back.
39:40We're just down here, one, two, wrapping up some business.
39:43And then I'll be back up there.
39:45Put my catcher's mitt on.
39:46Ready to fucking go.
39:48Yeah, yeah.
39:50I can't tell you that.
39:51You're like a birthday witch.
39:52No, no, no.
39:52I would tell you, but my wife's got all...
39:55She's all superstitious about a lot of this stuff.
39:57And she was like, she doesn't want to be sharing that stuff.
39:59We're having a girl.
40:00I can tell you we're having a girl.
40:02Yeah, yeah.
40:06You...
40:07I'm okay.
40:08No.
40:14And there was this, um...
40:18When I was a kid, you know?
40:20Yeah.
40:20My mom, she used to do this thing where, like, when she was, like, on, like, the perfect mixture of,
40:26like, all kinds of fucking things in her system, you know?
40:28It was just, like, perfect.
40:30She'd, like, come into my room in the middle of the night, you know?
40:32And she'd, like, scratch my bag.
40:33And she had, like, the longest nails.
40:35And she just...
40:36You know?
40:36And she used to...
40:37She used to walk me through my day, you know?
40:40And, like, the most fucking minute details, you know?
40:42Like, describing every little fucking bit of fabric of the fucking day, you know?
40:46Like, what we were gonna eat when we were gonna wake up, what I was gonna wear, what was gonna
40:49be on the radio, like, every fucking thing, you know?
40:51And just, like, it would make me feel, like, I don't know, like, it would just make me feel so
40:57relaxed.
40:58Yeah.
40:58Yeah.
40:59Yeah.
41:00And, like, no matter what was gonna happen that day, it didn't matter.
41:02Like, fucking test or some shit bag I had to fucking deal with.
41:05Like, I knew that.
41:07And she had planned it for me.
41:08It was great.
41:08And then I remember there was just one time, I was like, hey, Ma, hey, Ma, will you come in
41:14and tell me about my day tomorrow?
41:15And she was like, she got kind of angry, you know?
41:18And she was like, she was like, Mikey, what the fucking difference does it make?
41:22It's just a day.
41:27Like, I did, I guess I didn't understand how that could be, like, like, how that could be the same
41:33person, you know?
41:34Yeah.
41:36That's, that's so scary.
41:37Yeah.
41:42Yeah, she shouldn't have done that.
41:45You should try her best.
41:47Can I sit with you?
41:50Yeah, I wish you would.
41:55Come on in, the water's fine.
41:56Oh, boy.
41:59His first impulse was the fucking movie.
42:02You know what I'm saying?
42:03You know what I'm saying?
42:04The one without the narration, that's the one.
42:07Okay.
42:07Okay?
42:09I gotta call my uncle.
42:10Call him.
42:11All right.
42:11Call him.
42:12Let's talk.
42:13Everyone call their uncle.
42:14Jimmy, it's rich.
42:15Where the fuck are you?
42:16All right.
42:18Call me back.
42:20This is just like, you know, this way of seeing the world, you know, like this perspective, you know, this
42:26lens that I've always had, like these things that just bother people and hurt people and make them frustrated or
42:31furious, you know?
42:33Like, to me, it just, I never got it.
42:36Like, it didn't affect me like that.
42:37It doesn't matter.
42:37No.
42:38It doesn't fucking matter.
42:39Nothing fucking matters.
42:40Nothing fucking matters.
42:41Nothing fucking matters.
42:42And I get that, right?
42:43Yeah.
42:43It's meaningless.
42:44So why, and then when I go on that trip, like I could catch this groove, you know, sometimes for
42:50like weeks at a time, you know, like sometimes for months, I just like have this like bliss, you know?
42:55Mm-hmm.
42:56And yeah, I know I'm like, like, I'm like all fucking like babbling and shit, like here in a fucking
43:00bathroom, like a fucking baby, but I could be, like I could be a fucking blast.
43:05I can be a blast.
43:05Like I can share it, you know?
43:07And then all of a sudden, like out of nowhere, those same thoughts, like this kind of meaninglessness of it
43:13all, you know, it makes me sad.
43:18Yeah.
43:19Nothing matters.
43:20It sets you free, but then where are you, right?
43:22It's the same thing.
43:23You know where.
43:23It's the same thing.
43:24Yeah.
43:24And then I'm like, like so sad, like I'm fucking drowning, you know?
43:28What?
43:28My jaw feels fucking like a million fucking pounds and I, I, I, it's like I don't want to.
43:33That sounds exhausting.
43:37You must be really tired.
43:48I don't know.
43:53You must be, I'm sorry.
44:04I don't know.
44:04I'm sorry.
44:49Yeah, Rich, I'm good, I'm good, I'm coming.
44:52All right, we gotta go.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt you guys.
44:55Cousin, we gotta go.
44:57Okay, we're going.
44:58Rich, don't do that.
44:59I said I'm coming.
45:00Okay, we're fucking going.
45:03Cousin.
45:03And he said he hasn't heard from you all day.
45:07His guy is waiting.
45:08Okay, I heard you.
45:09Cousin, I'm coming.
45:11All right.
45:11Fuck, man.
45:13That's...
45:16Hey, I'll come back.
45:40All right.
45:43What do you think?
45:50I'm coming.
45:51Okay.
45:53Mm.
46:22It's a good time.
46:22We gotta go.
46:24You look like fucking Ronald McDonald.
46:26What's going on?
46:26No.
46:29Yo, your phone is dead, huh?
46:31Michael, come on.
46:32What's the name of the phone?
46:32What is it, a capital crime?
46:33Yo, cousin, we got this meeting.
46:35Where's the fire?
46:36Where's the fire?
46:37We're going.
46:38We're going.
46:38Okay.
46:39Okay.
46:42Hey, let's hit it.
46:44Yo, we're out of here.
46:46What about my turn?
46:47Good to meet you guys.
46:48Right?
46:49It's been a pleasure to meet you.
46:50Hang on, hang on.
46:51Hey, we're in America though, right?
46:53Last time I checked, Gary, Indiana is in the sovereign United States.
46:56Is it not, Vanessa?
46:58Are we not in America?
46:59Everybody get a turn?
47:00Everybody gets a turn.
47:01How great are you fucking people?
47:03How great is this fucking...
47:06This place got fucking heart.
47:08That's what I was trying to tell you.
47:09It's magic.
47:10This place is magic.
47:14All right.
47:16Yeah, we're just a pair of fucking wired and worried travelers and we fucking love it here.
47:21We thank you.
47:21We thank you, Gary, fucking Indiana.
47:23We thank you.
47:25Magic.
47:26Magic.
47:27You know, I just want to take this opportunity because right now, my, uh, my fine furry cousin
47:34right there, my fucking best friend, any second now he's going to be a dad.
47:41And not only that, not only that, not only that, hey, he's happy.
47:47He's happy.
47:49Rich, you're happy.
47:52Right now, I swear, this is, this is the most, it's like the most healthy and like, you're,
47:59you're, you're full.
48:02You're full.
48:03And I love it.
48:04He's in love.
48:06You know?
48:07Fucker cannot wait to be a father either.
48:09I mean, he can't fucking, he can't, he can't fucking wait.
48:13I mean, he, he's got this pride.
48:19You're glowing, Rich.
48:23You're glowing.
48:24I love you.
48:24It's my fucking boy.
48:25I love you.
48:26I love you.
48:27I love you.
48:27I love you so much.
48:29I fucking love you.
48:30Look at him.
48:31He's going to be a dad.
48:32Look at him.
48:32Look at his fucking, that's going to be a father.
48:34That.
48:34That right there is going to be a father, right?
48:37Fucking kid's going to end up abandoned and alone just like he was.
48:41But hey, shit.
48:42Hey, at least you went into it with a good fucking mindset, right kid?
48:45Huh?
48:46I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no.
48:47It's okay.
48:47No, I love it.
48:48That's, that's the thing.
48:49That's the thing you got to know about rich, man, is that the one thing that you can absolutely
48:54fucking depend on with this fucking guy is that if he is involved, he's going to fuck
48:59it up.
48:59I mean, he is going to fuck it up and everybody knows it.
49:02I mean, no, no, nobody says it, right?
49:03Nobody says it.
49:04Everybody's a fucking coward and a fucking liar, but this isn't going to be any fucking different.
49:09I mean, he's going to fuck this.
49:10He's going to, his entire life is a fucking bed that he took a shit in the middle of
49:14and he just smears it.
49:15Right?
49:15And that's what's beautiful.
49:16Look at him.
49:17It's beautiful.
49:18I just got to fuck this up too.
49:19Right?
49:20No, no, no, no, no, no.
49:21It's okay.
49:21It's okay.
49:22Everybody knows it.
49:23They don't say it, but they look, look.
49:25Ooh.
49:27Ooh.
49:28Look at his eyes.
49:28Look at those beady little fucking eyes.
49:30He knows it too.
49:31That's the fucking thing.
49:32All right.
49:32He knows it too.
49:33Well, all right, what?
49:34We gotta go.
49:35We gotta go.
49:35We gotta, where are we going?
49:37Where are we fucking going?
49:39Yo, we got this meme.
49:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:40We got it.
49:41You know what you ought to do?
49:42You ought to get in the fucking truck and just start fucking driving.
49:45All right.
49:45Just fucking bolt, right?
49:47Just fucking, you want to do that kid of yours a favor?
49:49Just fucking bolt.
49:50Just fucking hit the fucking road and do not come back.
49:52You want to do him a favor, right?
49:54Okay.
49:54Okay.
49:54No, it's fine.
49:55It's fine.
49:55It doesn't matter.
49:56It doesn't matter.
49:57It's the truth.
49:58It's the truth.
49:59What?
49:59You going to be a good father?
50:00Is that what you got to be?
50:02Huh?
50:02Ronald McDonald?
50:03You going to be a good father?
50:04Are you going to be a good father?
50:06It doesn't matter.
50:07It doesn't matter.
50:08Just say it.
50:08Just say it.
50:09You're going to fuck it up, right?
50:10Come on.
50:10You're not mad.
50:11Don't be mad.
50:12You're not mad.
50:13You're not mad.
50:15No, just saying it.
50:19Stop it.
50:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:21Stop that.
50:23He's telling the fucking truth, finally.
50:25He's telling the fucking truth.
50:27Say it again.
50:27You hate me?
50:28You hate me, Rich?
50:30You gotta fuck this up, Rich.
50:32Just say that and we'll go.
50:33Say it and we'll go.
50:34Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
50:40Stop.
50:41She's not lying anymore.
50:43Why are you doing this?
50:43I love you.
50:44Why are you doing this?
50:45I love you.
50:48You're a coward, Rich.
50:50You're a fucking coward.
50:52I'm a coward?
50:53You're a coward.
50:54I'm a coward.
50:57You're a coward.
51:07I'm a coward.
51:10Kid's gonna hate you, Rich.
51:14Kid's gonna...
51:17This is it.
51:22No, no, no.
51:24Mm-mm.
51:24Oh, my God.
51:54Oh, my God.
52:32Oh, my God.
52:48Hey.
52:50One of you, Mikey?
52:56This is for Jimmy.
53:10What's in the box?
53:38What's in the box?
53:43What do, uh...
53:46What do plastic pump impellers do?
53:49They rotate.
54:00It's your own.
54:03Probably not.
54:05FedEx strikes are over.
54:09Oh, my God.
54:14Oh, my God.
54:23Okay.
54:32Oh, my God.
54:38Okay.
54:51I don't know.
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