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7 Days - Season 18 - Episode 03: Thursday March 5, 2026
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00:20Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone who doesn't identify with those rather narrow
00:24definitions of a human being, welcome along to Seven Days, I'm your host, my name is Jeremy
00:28Corbett. Tonight we will look back at the week of news and test these six clever comedians on what's
00:33stuck in their brilliant brains. Let's meet them, shall we? Leader of Team One is currently touring
00:37the country on his stick tour. Go look that up. It's the roll-on deodorant that put on a shirt
00:42and
00:42became a real man, Paul Ego. Thank you, Geoffrey Crayfish. We've got a great team on Team One
00:53tonight. First of all, someone who's smashing comedy despite that voice and somebody who's
00:58smashing comedy despite that face. Yes, it's Becky Umbers and Josh Thompson. Yeah. Wow.
01:06Holy cow. Wow. Hey, it's March, which the leader of Team Two claims is an actual sport, while Hayley
01:13Sproul. How dare you for the insulting of that. Oh, hello. Anyway, listen, I'm a little bit nervous to be
01:21the captain
01:21of Team Two tonight because she's currently pregnant and his wife is currently pregnant. So I really want
01:27them to keep their fertile seeds away from me. It's Elisa MacLeod-Whiting and Tony Lyall.
01:37Well, disappointing teams, but that'll make a disappointing night. Here we go. Newsmakers is
01:40where we start this week. We talk about the two biggest news stories of the week. Actually,
01:45might just skip over the biggest news story, eh? Go straight to the others. Team One.
01:50You get to fill in the blanks in this situation. Have a look at this. This is your cue for
01:54a news
01:54story. Fill in the blank and tell me what the story is. Why is it a newsmaker? Um, is it
01:59Corbett's search history? Oh, looks like Tummo's getting on the show a little bit more often now.
02:07Interesting. I always delete it.
02:10Would you pay $360 for your family back?
02:15Uh, is the answer $500 worth of meat? You can in some places.
02:22I did see something this week that was around the $300-ish mark. A story a couple of days
02:29ago about, it was prices for camping, like next summer, and how exorbitant they become.
02:34So is it maybe that? Ah, yeah. Well done, Paul. The price of camping in New Zealand is getting
02:39out of hand. Reports of a beachside campground setting you back almost $360 for a single night.
02:45Many are crying foul, claiming the classic Kiwi camping dream is dying. Man, things have
02:50really changed, haven't they? I remember just a few years ago when you could find a nice
02:53camping spot on Parliament Lawn.
02:54You didn't know that? That's all gone up in flames. And they had all those cool activities.
02:59Yes! Fireworks, fights, and the music was pumping. Oh, such a good vibe. Whatever happened
03:06to those days? Oh, it just all went up in flames.
03:10Like, the prices have gone up. Like, seriously, when I was young, you could go camping for like
03:15a week for $40. I went like on a scout camp for $40. Most of the time was spent hiding,
03:20though. Do you feel like now that it's so expensive, it'll just be rich people camping
03:25and kind of cosplaying as, like, poverty cosplay? Yeah. For like $360, experience the unique
03:32thrill of homelessness or something. Yeah, the unique thrill of the government going, move
03:35on, move on. Isn't it thrilling, darling? They'll be explaining to their rich friends,
03:39it's like glamping, only for povers. Yes. I was legitimately cold all night. I was legitimately
03:44cold. Just talking to their neighbours, they're like, what's the thread count on your tent?
03:47Yeah. We bought owls from Kath Mandu. Not the store, Richard Mandu's wife, Kath.
03:55She sells the most amazing tents, Kath. But $360 is a lot for a campsite. You'd think
04:03there'd be some extras thrown in. But there are extras thrown in, like when you go to the
04:06shower, you get to see someone else's urine scurry past you at the bottom. That's exciting.
04:10You get that unique brand of fungus as well from those camp showers. The athlete's foot without
04:14the hassle of being an athlete. Yes. Yeah. Those showers at campgrounds are great because
04:19if you're in there, the only way anyone can see you're in the shower is through the bottom
04:23of the door. Yeah. Or over the top of the door. Yeah. Or through the holes in the door.
04:28That's right. Or from standing on the broken toilet that's next to it. Yeah. So it's really
04:33private. You've really investigated this quite a bit. I mean, if you think the price of camping
04:37is expensive, wait until you find about the price of living in a house. Yeah.
04:42Well, take two. Are you ready for a bit of a newsmaker?
04:45I'm not sure. We'll give it a go. I've got a photo for you. Have a look.
04:47Oh, hello. That's just Ariel after she is a Brazilian.
04:52I was going to say, it looks like the photo of a bin at the back of a Disneyland fish
04:55and
04:56chippy. Oh, yeah.
04:57I reckon that is what you put in the magic bullet to make glitter.
05:04Moolied up mermaid fish. You get a few mermaids. What? And then you go, there you go.
05:09No, this is, isn't there like a rise in people who are making like online content as merpeople
05:17and they put on these like latex sort of thin tubes and swim in the water?
05:22Yeah. Bang on, Hayley. Yeah. I like that you didn't yuck their yum. New viral trend.
05:26Taking the world by storm. It's mermaiding where people put on fishtails and film themselves
05:30flopping around doing the full Ariel impersonation. And you know what? I actually get it.
05:35Do you? Yeah, I can relate to the mer community. Because one time I accidentally put both legs
05:39into the same hole in my wetsuit. Yeah. And initially I was like, this is really uncomfortable.
05:45Then you get in the water and it's like, I see why you do it now. I see.
05:50That's my problem with the whole, because I'd love to be a mermaid, but finding shells big enough
05:54for these bad boys are real. Like, I mean, sure. Like, yeah, your scallops are a waste
05:58of time. Powers have no support whatsoever. And just a tip, guys, if you are getting into
06:02the mermaid community, it's worth taking the time and spending the money to get your shell
06:06bra fitted properly. Yeah. I've been a mermaid before. My kids will, um, on the beach, they
06:11make me lie down and they cover you in sand and make a tail and they build sort of sand
06:15boobies and they're like, can we break down the sandcastle now, Daddy? And I'm always
06:18like, not just yet. Didn't they start as the sirens on the rocks that would lure sailors
06:25to their death? Isn't that where the mermaids would sing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'd sing
06:27you a song. Yes. Yeah. Sirens. Sirens. Yeah. And I think they were, in real life, they were
06:32just sex-deprived sailors who would see a manatee and be like, you know what? I might give it
06:36a go. Yeah. It would be gutted, wouldn't you, if you ended up, like, you've spent all this
06:41time learning how to swim underwater and then suddenly you get fished up and you just end
06:44up in some guy's Tinder profile pic, like, check out this giant mermaid I fought you. Yeah.
06:51I've actually been mermaiding. You've been mermaiding? Yeah. Well, I took my top off at the fish
06:56market, but I've still made the news. No, I haven't. No, when I was younger, I made a tail
07:02from some plastic from para-rubber and some flippers because I saw on 60 Minutes these
07:08girls that said they had, they'd had tails and they said you could swim fast, as fast
07:11as a dolphin. Whoa. Yeah. No, I couldn't swim that fast, but I do try and have sex with
07:17tourists at the beach a lot, so. Okay. I've tried going the other way, like, just having
07:22fish up top and just fully nude downstairs. Yeah. But the police don't like that either.
07:27No, it's fine. It doesn't matter if you get a fresh dolphin scalp and put it on your head,
07:31you're not allowed to have it out. Alright, good round of newsmakers. We go to the scores
07:36now. Team one, you can have 576. That's how many days new AB's head coach Dave Rennie
07:41has to sort the team out pre-World Cup. Lol. Jokes. Actually, 575. Clock is ticking, Dave.
07:46Congratulations on the job. Team two, you can have 20. That's the number of writers hired
07:50for the UK version of Saturday Night Live. One, and while I mention it, being our very own
07:55Joseph Moore from Seven Days, well done, Joseph. Yeah. If you need a host or anything, you've
08:02got my number. I mean, you don't return my calls, but you've got my number. Pretty sure
08:06you've got, I gave you my number. Anyway, 384,000 beats 20. The star for newsmakers goes
08:10to team one. Oh, good stuff. But hey, Corby, I hear you ask, what's the point of the stars?
08:19Well, the most stars at the end of the show wins a highly sought-after prize ripped straight
08:24from the headlines. And here it is. Yeah, check that out. Now you can be a mermaid too. Your
08:30very own DIY mermaid kit slides smoothly and effortlessly into your shiny, shimmery new
08:35fishtail made 100% from the finest scales from proven sustainable sources. The saw, of course,
08:41for hacking off your now useless legs. Won't need them anymore. Pro tip, measure twice, cut
08:46once. Time to move on. I've got an incredible mystery guest hiding behind this wall, itching
08:52to get into a round of Guess Who. Game's pretty simple. We track down a local hero, steal them
08:56away from their cushy lifestyle, stuff them into a smelly sack, and then they have to answer
09:01yes or no questions from the comedians till someone guesses their identity. Pretty simple.
09:05Please clap and cheer for our Guess Who guests.
09:10This way. I'm going to jump behind you now and I'll guide you in. There you are, that's
09:16perfect. All right. Your job as a straightforward guest, just answer yes or no. Teams, you get
09:23a no, it goes to the other team. Team one, you can start.
09:26Guest, does the story you're involved with involve sport?
09:31Yes. Ooh. Are you the person when I was at the pub the other day and I went to the
09:36toilet
09:37and you came out of the toilet and you said, oh, don't worry, the flush doesn't work, I'm
09:41not just an animal. Then, you left without washing your hands.
09:46No. No. That is not. Wait, so involved in sport, have they just got back from Italy?
09:53Oh, yeah. Oh. Speaking Italian.
09:55Yeah, er, je m'appelle Torino. No, that's me.
09:59Emma, you recently have been in Italy. Perfect.
10:03No. No.
10:04It's a no. Team one.
10:06OK, so not Winter Olympics, but sport.
10:09I've seen a lot of social meds, sock med recently.
10:12Go on.
10:13About our, um, football ferns.
10:16Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
10:18Do you play soccer slash football?
10:21No.
10:22Idiot! You're an idiot!
10:23I am an idiot. I'm sorry, man.
10:24Team two.
10:25Other than the, um, noted sport of marching, sport's not really my area of expertise, but
10:32Tony, you spend a lot of time, you do some commentating?
10:34Yeah, well, I was wondering when you were talking about the Winter Olympics, but I wonder, have
10:39you gone to an Olympics?
10:41Yes.
10:41Oh!
10:42This is big.
10:43And I'm out.
10:45Did you win a medal at that Olympics?
10:48Yes.
10:48Whoa!
10:50Rugby.
10:50Was it a, was it a gold medal?
10:53Yes.
10:53Rugby.
10:53Oh!
10:54Please.
10:55Have you run a Women's Rugby World Cup?
10:57Yes.
10:58Have you recently retired?
11:01Yes.
11:02Porsha, well great.
11:03Oh, yes!
11:04Oh my God!
11:07Oh, yes.
11:08Oh, yes, yes!
11:10Please, please, please.
11:12Oh my goodness.
11:16Give us respect so much.
11:24Welcome to the show.
11:27Wow!
11:28She's the highest try scorer out of anyone in New Zealand's history.
11:32That's amazing.
11:33Didn't you one time score like eight tries in a game?
11:36Yeah.
11:37Wow.
11:38Was your coach when you were young never teaching a pass?
11:40Yes, really much.
11:42I can't pass, so I just got to run.
11:46So you've just announced your retirement?
11:48Yes, again.
11:48For reals this time?
11:49For reals this time.
11:50Because that was number two.
11:51I want to go back.
11:53Really quickly call me.
11:54Yeah, go.
11:54No, you go.
11:55It's as nice as someone who knows when to retire.
11:57Yeah.
11:59You've got to feel your exit, you know.
12:01Oh, yeah.
12:01When time's up.
12:02Mine will be when my heart stops.
12:04That'll be the sign.
12:06Fantastic.
12:06I want to go back to when you first went.
12:10Because you were quite a speedster from a very young age, weren't you?
12:12Yeah, I used to run track and field when I was...
12:14But wasn't it even primary school?
12:16You were four years old beating the six-year-olds?
12:18Yeah.
12:19My biggest dream was just to beat the boys.
12:21So whatever age group, I just wanted to beat the boys.
12:23And so your dad and your uncle, ex or blacks,
12:27but your mum was into netball.
12:28Did she push the netball?
12:30Big time.
12:31Big time wanted me to be a sofa
12:32and wanted me to have the black dress and everything.
12:34I wanted to be the next Timurputta George.
12:37Yeah, of course.
12:37Clearly you didn't listen to her
12:38because you said you can't pass.
12:40No.
12:42It's all about running.
12:43It's so nice to know that I've actually got something in common with you
12:46because I'm a big speed guy as well.
12:47I took some and I love the prodigy.
12:49Yes.
12:51When did you know it was rugby then?
12:53Because you actually...
12:54Because I think...
12:54Was it Mount Albert Grammar didn't have that as an option initially?
12:56No.
12:57When I had my interview at Mount Albert Grammar,
12:59my dean at the time was like,
13:01I hope you're one of those girls that don't play rugby
13:03because we don't have rugby at the school.
13:04Wow.
13:05And like every kid in New Zealand,
13:07loved rugby but just wasn't able to play it.
13:09And netball was the career for women at that time.
13:12And then somehow you got into the rugby
13:14and did you just know all of a sudden,
13:15oh, this is the sport?
13:17Yeah, when it became an Olympic sport,
13:19I was going to turn up at 2016 Olympics,
13:22I was like, oh, yeah, this is me.
13:23I get to run 100 metres, run away, run over, run through people.
13:27That was a dream for me.
13:28Amazing.
13:29Speaking of running through people,
13:31in the Rugby World Cup final at Eden Park,
13:33I was there with my son,
13:35someone tried to run through you and you got KO'd
13:37and they got a red card
13:39and that sort of led to the comeback and that famous victory.
13:43Do you think you're a bit robbed for player of the day
13:45for getting knocked out?
13:46Well, I feel like we won because of it, right?
13:49Yeah.
13:49Down to 14 people.
13:51Nah, it was a dream finish.
13:53Obviously, I had to sit underneath the stadium
13:55and listen to the crowd.
13:56Yeah.
13:56Was it English crowd?
13:57Is it a New Zealand crowd?
13:58That was probably the hardest part.
13:59They didn't let you out to watch?
14:01No, I wasn't allowed to.
14:02Did you see?
14:02Because that was one of the greatest moments in New Zealand,
14:04a rugby, the steal, the line-out steal.
14:05The line-out, the hand, everything.
14:06From England that had been scoring regularly from that.
14:08No, I missed it all.
14:09I was underneath the stadium.
14:10Oh, wow.
14:11What's next for you?
14:13Commentary.
14:14That would be a dream.
14:15So, I would love to do some work with Sky.
14:17Yeah, look.
14:18Yeah, no.
14:18Come for applause.
14:22I reckon we can make that stand-up, Tommy.
14:25Sure.
14:26So, just do some commentary on this.
14:28So, I've got the ball and I'm running.
14:29He's the defender.
14:30Just commentate this live, all right?
14:32Oh, oh!
14:33Starts getting real.
14:34Oh, the goosey and his hammy.
14:36He's torn his hammy.
14:36Oh, dear.
14:37We're going to have to go to break after this.
14:39Back to you, Jamie.
14:40Great.
14:41That was lovely.
14:47Portia Woodman-Wickliffe, ladies and gentlemen.
14:48Give it up for you.
14:49Thank you so much.
14:50Thank you, Jamie.
14:52Champion.
14:54Wow.
14:55Boom.
14:56And there it is.
14:56A star goes to team two.
14:58Well done, Tony.
14:59All right.
15:03It is time now for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill,
15:05brought to you by Burger Fuel,
15:06who are not only our sponsors,
15:07but also my best friends now.
15:09In this game, we're jumping in a time machine
15:11to check whether these comedians,
15:12who regularly forget their own pin numbers,
15:14can remember moments from the year 2003.
15:17Team One, you're up first.
15:19Here's your clip from 2003.
15:21A lot of people thought that New Zealand
15:24couldn't pull this off.
15:26Well, they were wrong.
15:28Is it New Zealand escapes being on a...
15:32another map for something?
15:35Was it they didn't think we could get
15:36200,000 road cones onto the streets of Auckland?
15:42That was from the premiere of
15:43Lord of the Rings Return of the King.
15:45Won the Oscar for Best Picture.
15:47Orcs, trolls and hobbits flooded the streets of Wellington
15:49for the first screening,
15:50and that was just public servants.
15:52Stick around.
15:55Both Team Two and Team You at home
15:57will get a chance at your very own
15:58Burger Fuel Brain Grill later in the show.
16:00We've got a cracking game at Club Topicana
16:01you won't want to miss.
16:02It's right after this break on Seven Days.
16:15Welcome back to Seven Days.
16:17Well, we are now firmly in the thongs of autumn.
16:20What better time to get firmly in your thongs of autumn
16:22for a trip to the beach?
16:23It's Club Topicana.
16:24Play the steel drum!
16:35Yes, Club Topicana is brought to you by Dole Pineapples.
16:39George Michael of Wham!
16:40sang that Club Tropicana drinks are free.
16:42Well, the drinks at Club Topicana are also free.
16:45They're also all pineapple juice.
16:46If you ask for any other type of drink,
16:48you're escorted from the beach
16:48and locked away in prison for the rest of your life.
16:50Inside this delicious Dole Pineapple,
16:52a selection of ace news stories
16:53that had me fizzing to hear more about.
16:55Let's see what made the cut this week.
16:58Yes, private schools.
16:59Private schools throughout New Zealand
17:00have seen a rise in interest from parents
17:02wanting to enrol their kids.
17:03Well, sounds pretty flash to me.
17:05Teams, I want you to show me scenes
17:06from New Zealand's richest private school.
17:14Sorry, it was a question.
17:15So the blankets that they gave the Maoris,
17:20were they at least like a high thread count
17:22or was it like microfibre from briscos?
17:29Attention students, it's time to take the roll.
17:32Today's roll is an artisan ciabatta.
17:37Your choices are crayfish
17:39or caviar?
17:46Fisher?
17:49Paykel?
17:52Guthrie?
17:55Balrog?
18:00The Warehouse, are you here?
18:06You haven't been colouring inside the lines, Theodore?
18:10That's OK.
18:11We'll have the lines moved.
18:17Good morning, Mr Corbett.
18:22Morning, children.
18:24Today, I bring you a Tomo.
18:28You will all be issued with a Tomo
18:30to do with as you please.
18:32Today, he will be the globe.
18:34Turn, Tomo.
18:36Turn.
18:38Turn, or I will whip your Venezuela.
18:48Yeah, we do have a zero-tolerance approach to bullying.
18:55No, no, no, I mean it, I mean it.
18:56The girls don't play any mind games.
19:06We've got a substitute teacher today.
19:08We should totally prank her.
19:10Yeah, I reckon we should get her KiwiSaver
19:12and change her from a growth fund to a conservative fund.
19:16She's going to lose thousands.
19:26Today, there will be a note going home to all films
19:29about school pick-up time.
19:32Oh, mind her that when picking up your children from the marina
19:38in your jet ski, please accelerate accordingly
19:41because there has been a lot of wash onto the teacher's yachts.
19:48All right, back to the pineapple for our next story.
19:51All right, OK, yeah, this week, Air New Zealand pilots
19:53Alice and Sarah McElroy flew together for the first time.
19:56Quite a feat as they are mother and daughter.
19:59Very cool.
19:59Working with your family can be stressful at the best of times,
20:02let alone at 38,000 feet.
20:03I'd like you to show me, team,
20:05some other examples of working with your mum, please.
20:09Oh, darling, darling, join me in the lunchroom.
20:12Oh, is that what you're having?
20:13Mmm.
20:14Has he just given up on the diet, have you?
20:20Oh, I don't want to file the quarterly report, mum.
20:25Oh, I did my KPIs already, yeah.
20:34She's making me work before I'm even born.
20:39She's not even cutting me in on her feet.
20:41Shush, look, play nice,
20:42and I'll give you a little sip of wine later, OK?
20:45Ooh, it kicked.
20:47OK, a sip of wine and a cigarette.
20:52Oh, darling, what did you think of my presentation?
20:55Oh, you didn't like it?
20:55OK, well, I'll just say nothing then.
20:57I'll just say nothing.
20:58No, I'll just sit here and I'll say,
20:59no, Heather's a bit, I have an opinion.
21:01LAUGHTER
21:04LAUGHTER
21:07All right, everyone get ready.
21:09And...
21:10Ooh.
21:11Oh, mum.
21:12Ooh, I don't think we should be working on the same adult film.
21:16LAUGHTER
21:18LAUGHTER
21:20LAUGHTER
21:23As long as you don't look at each other around...
21:24It's actually an incredibly popular category.
21:27LAUGHTER
21:31OK.
21:32A charity in Whangarei has banded together
21:34and purchased the Kamo Wildlife Sanctuary
21:36so the lions who live there can remain
21:37in the peaceful tranquillity that is suburban Whangarei.
21:40Imagine heading along to day one
21:42of bossing those big cats around.
21:43I'd like to see that.
21:45Give me some scenes from the first day owning a lion park, please.
21:56Baaaaaah!
21:57Baaaaaah!
21:57Baaaaaah!
21:58LAUGHTER
22:01Thank you, that's all I wanted.
22:04Kill the rest.
22:06LAUGHTER
22:09Well, welcome, everybody.
22:11This is our first school group today,
22:12so everyone here is very excited.
22:14I had an interesting question before
22:16from the little boy who's been talking all morning
22:18and not listening, and he said,
22:21can you ride the lions?
22:22Let's find out.
22:24LAUGHTER
22:25LAUGHTER
22:27Welcome to the lion park,
22:29where it's Pride Month every month.
22:32LAUGHTER
22:35Simba, everything the light touches...
22:38..is actually owned by the bank.
22:40LAUGHTER
22:41LAUGHTER
22:43OK, like, what...
22:45Like, what if, though?
22:46..what if I just opened the gate?
22:50Like, bleh!
22:51You know what I mean?
22:52BLEH!
22:54Because I kind of only wanted the land for townhouses.
22:58LAUGHTER
22:58LAUGHTER
22:58Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
23:00Hi, yeah, it's me, the new owner.
23:02I just...
23:03I know you said the keepers are here to feed the lions,
23:06but what do I do now that I'm out of keepers?
23:10LAUGHTER
23:11LAUGHTER
23:14Well, welcome, everybody.
23:15It's pretty early in the morning,
23:17so the lions might not be up.
23:18In fact, they might be having a...
23:20..lion.
23:22LAUGHTER
23:24That's my main joke.
23:27LAUGHTER
23:28We'll go to the next story from the pineapple.
23:32There was chaos at the marathon in Atlanta, Georgia this week
23:35when the race leaders were sent the wrong way,
23:37throwing the whole thing into disarray.
23:39I've never done a marathon, never will.
23:40Bit too much running for me.
23:41But take us there, teams.
23:43Give us some examples of unlikely things to hear
23:45at a marathon, please.
23:47Mm.
23:49No, no Band-Aids on the nipples for me.
23:52I like the way it feels.
23:54LAUGHTER
23:55LAUGHTER
23:59And the runners are off,
24:01and to make it extra interesting this year,
24:02we've added a little something special.
24:04Release the dogs.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:07LAUGHTER
24:11Ooh!
24:12I think I just passed another Kenyan.
24:16LAUGHTER
24:17LAUGHTER
24:18LAUGHTER
24:18LAUGHTER
24:22Do you know what's really helping my pace?
24:24These tits.
24:25LAUGHTER
24:27Me too.
24:28Do you know what's really helping me run?
24:29Those tits.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:33LAUGHTER
24:34LAUGHTER
24:36LAUGHTER
24:36I don't know.
24:38That's...
24:38That's not...
24:39Hot gravy?
24:42LAUGHTER
24:43Hot gravy!
24:44Get your hot gravy!
24:45Hot gravy!
24:46Throw it on your face!
24:48Hot gravy for your face!
24:50LAUGHTER
24:52LAUGHTER
24:52A waste of time!
24:54All right, that is it.
24:55The flags have been stolen by those mermaid hussies.
24:58Beech is closed.
24:59Swim back to your desks.
25:00Play those steel drums.
25:02CHEERING
25:12Ah, all right, well, after that, the scores.
25:15Team one, you can have the kilometres I'm going to walk in April.
25:18200 kilometres is to raise money for the Malligan Institute
25:21so we can do car tea therapy to cure cancer right here in New Zealand.
25:25Sponsor me.
25:25Google, go the distance, and maybe add the word cancer to narrow it down.
25:29All right, that's where you get 200.
25:31Team two, you get 384,400 kilometres to the moon.
25:34Hope you enjoy the blood moon on Tuesday.
25:36Thanks to the lunar eclipse, team two gets the star.
25:39APPLAUSE
25:43Team two, you get your chance to melt your mind
25:45with your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
25:48I'll show you a clip from our year of the Lord, 2003.
25:50You simply tell me where it is from.
25:53Have a look at this.
25:54OK.
25:54Well, it's beautiful, anyway.
25:57It's something to be very proud of, that we've achieved that.
26:00And nobody's done anything better since...
26:03Oh, this is my mum talking about my older brother.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:09All right, yes, that was actually taken at Heathrow Airport in London in 2003.
26:13Final flight of the Concorde.
26:14Supersonic plane that can fly Mach 2 2,000 kilometres per hour.
26:18Do Wellington to Auckland in just under 30 minutes,
26:20but why would you want to go to Wellington?
26:21All right, your turn at the Burger Fuel Brain Grill
26:24is approaching faster than Concorde.
26:26Stay tuned for that.
26:27And also, after the break, we're playing History.
26:29See you soon.
26:30CHEERING
26:41APPLAUSE
26:41Nau mai, hukibai.
26:43Welcome back to Seven Days.
26:45This week, split ends reunited.
26:46What better way to celebrate split ends
26:48than by proving them wrong
26:49and showing that history does, in fact, repeat with a game of history.
26:52In this game, I put four punters on parade,
26:55one of whom is a famous face from New Zealand's past.
26:57Let's see what we're serving up tonight.
27:00She's become our most successful table tennis player,
27:03winning national champs, a Commonwealth gold,
27:06and coaching hundreds of up-and-comers at her local club.
27:15The way she stayed in that point points for the New Zealander,
27:21Lee Chun-Li.
27:27And what a way to finish it.
27:29There's a glorious victory for the 40-year-old Lee Chun-Li.
27:33Representing New Zealand, Lee Chun-Li.
27:36And Lee Chun-Li, a very, very happy winner.
27:4140-year-old,
27:43who's represented New Zealand for a long, long time.
27:46One of the people in our line-up this evening
27:48is New Zealand's most successful ever,
27:50table tennis player Chun-Li,
27:52who won a gold, a silver and two bronze medals
27:54from the 2002 Commonwealth Games.
27:56Joining Chun-Li is a typographer,
27:58a Latin dancer and a salesperson.
28:01Team two.
28:02Oh.
28:02You can go first.
28:03Try and identify Chun-Li.
28:05Well done to all of you.
28:06Can I just ask all four of you
28:08just to go like this,
28:09as if you were typing?
28:11Just, you can just go like this with the fingers.
28:12Look at two's got the bubble, the curl.
28:15Number one's clueless.
28:15I don't think it's a typography.
28:18Wait, what's a typography?
28:21You think the typography is someone who types?
28:23A typist?
28:23It's in the fucking name.
28:25Yeah.
28:25No, they choose your font and all the rest of it,
28:28the typography.
28:29I am aware, so...
28:31I reckon we could get the dancer to sort of light up.
28:34So if I say ten, just say ten.
28:36Okay, judges.
28:38All right.
28:38Ten!
28:39Ten!
28:39Ten!
28:40Number four, big time.
28:42For me, I have such a drawing towards number four
28:46being our table tennis player.
28:50It's literally she's wearing the sportiest outfit.
28:52Yeah, that's true.
28:53She does have some Lululemon on, potentially.
28:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:55It's giving big Lululemon.
28:57And then number two is wearing very jazzy shoes,
29:00I would say, like, very nimble shoes
29:02that she can move in quickly,
29:03you know, like salsa around the room.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Number one's eyes are really selling me like a house.
29:08Yeah, and I want to buy it.
29:10I can imagine her face on the side of a car.
29:12Yes!
29:13Yeah, I think number one's a salesperson.
29:15Like this, yeah.
29:16So, are we...
29:17OK, I think we're going to say
29:18number one is our salesperson.
29:20OK.
29:21Number two is our dancer.
29:23Dancer, yeah.
29:24Number three is our typographer.
29:27And number four is our table tennis champion.
29:30You think Chun-Li is number four?
29:32All right, team one, your turn.
29:33OK, Jeremy, first of all,
29:35did you say one of them is a Latin dancer?
29:37Yes.
29:38OK, I'm going to do a little bit of a cha-cha noise.
29:41And I want each of you to interpret that
29:44in a Latin dance.
29:45Are you ready?
29:46Dun-chak-dun-chak-dun.
29:49Oh!
29:50I don't think you can make them dance.
29:52This is crazy.
29:54Wait, I'll get the Latin dancer.
29:56Are you ready?
29:57Um...
29:58In domini laude no me...
30:02Good, good.
30:04OK, two's got pretty good rhythm.
30:06Can we get each of you, or maybe all together,
30:08to do the motion of a table tennis serve?
30:12Your best serve.
30:13On three.
30:13One, two, three.
30:15And serve.
30:16Oh, you've got to be quicker than that.
30:18Oh, this is.
30:18Oh, I don't know.
30:20Either they're all shit...
30:23Or one of them is throwing us off the scent.
30:26Yeah, good girl is behind us.
30:27I reckon it's three.
30:29I think three.
30:29Yeah, I think three, too.
30:30I think three would probably have a penhold grip,
30:33as opposed to a C-Miller.
30:35Oh, four!
30:36Four!
30:36I don't want to go on it,
30:37but I've played a bit of table tennis before.
30:39So you think it could be four?
30:40Four, the little...
30:41Did you say something else?
30:43What did you say?
30:43I think it's three.
30:44OK, fine.
30:45OK, fine.
30:46Let's say three.
30:47Let's just...
30:48Look.
30:48Let's just do what you want.
30:49OK.
30:50I think four is our typographer.
30:52Mm-hmm.
30:53I think one is our salesperson.
30:55Mm-hmm.
30:55And I think two is our Latin dancer.
30:57OK.
30:57What about what me and Tom I think?
30:59As I said, just repeat what I said.
31:01OK.
31:02All right.
31:03So, team one, you think Chun-Li is number three.
31:05Team two, you think Chun-Li is number four.
31:08Can I ask our most successful table tennis player ever,
31:12Chun-Li Li, to step forward, please?
31:15Oh!
31:17Yeah!
31:18Yeah!
31:20Wow!
31:25Amazing.
31:26Thank you so much for joining us.
31:29Take me back.
31:30When did you first pick up a racket, a paddle, a bat?
31:34You got it, Jeremy.
31:35Great research, cool.
31:36Yeah, great, yeah.
31:37Nailed it.
31:38What do you call it in table tennis?
31:40Racket.
31:40Racket.
31:40Oh!
31:41When did you first...
31:42OK.
31:42When did you first pick up a racket?
31:44Um, about an eight or nine years old.
31:47Eight or nine years old.
31:48At a school.
31:49Did you play tennis first before you inserted the table?
31:53I played tennis sometimes.
31:56Yeah.
31:56Yeah.
31:56Yeah.
31:57Do you ever play the same game, like, you get the table, but you put, like, cups on the
32:00table, and then you throw it up?
32:03Ha ha ha!
32:03Ping pong ball.
32:04Ha ha ha!
32:04And then you go, boof!
32:05Ha ha ha!
32:06Are you really good at that?
32:08We're not allowed to do that.
32:10Ha ha ha!
32:12Ha ha ha!
32:12You won the medals at the Commonwealth Games.
32:14You went to four Olympics, I believe?
32:16Yes.
32:17Four Olympics.
32:17And then you actually came out of retirement, was it last year?
32:21Two years ago.
32:22I replayed two years ago.
32:24Two years ago.
32:24Yeah.
32:25What is it with all these people who don't know when to retire?
32:27Ha ha ha!
32:29What do you do with the medal now?
32:31Obviously a gold medal from the Commonwealth Games, like, does it sit above the fireplace,
32:34or do you, like, wear it around the house?
32:36Leave it to my mother.
32:39Oh!
32:40Chun-Li, can I ask something of you?
32:42Tomo's been talking a big game.
32:44Big game.
32:44He reckons he can beat you at table tennis.
32:47You've never been beaten in New Zealand, have you?
32:49Would you be prepared to take on Tomo in a quick game?
32:53Yeah.
32:53Yeah!
32:54CHEERING
32:59I didn't know there was going to be a table here.
33:03CHEERING
33:04OK, that's good.
33:07Before we go to that, can I ask our typographer to step forward, please?
33:11At number four.
33:13Well done.
33:16Who is our Latin dancer?
33:18Latin dancer, there it is!
33:21And our salesperson, if you'd like to step forward as well.
33:24Fantastic stuff.
33:25That means team one gets the start.
33:27Congratulations!
33:28Congratulations!
33:30Commonwealth Games gold medalist Chun-Li up against Timaru High School top five.
33:36We didn't even play at school.
33:39I'm not at my prime.
33:40I'm not at my prime.
33:41I've hurt my shoulder, like, lifting some mungalorn.
33:43She should have to play with the big ping-bong ball on her head.
33:45OK, OK, fine.
33:46Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
33:52OK, chillin'.
33:52CHEERING
33:55One mil.
33:56OK.
33:57So you're doing the pen hold grip?
33:59OK, fine.
33:59OK, cool.
34:00Oh, here we go.
34:01OK, here we go.
34:01Here we go.
34:02OK, here we go.
34:02OK, here we go.
34:04Don't remember this bit!
34:05No, you don't know.
34:07Oh!
34:08Oh!
34:11Two now.
34:12These balls are from, like, Kmart.
34:14They're out of here.
34:14OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
34:17OK, OK.
34:17How are you hot?
34:18I'm even on the balls.
34:19OK, OK.
34:22Ooh!
34:22Ooh!
34:24Ooh!
34:25Ice!
34:26Ice!
34:27Ice!
34:29Ice!
34:29Ice!
34:30Ice!
34:32There you go.
34:33It was down the same side.
34:35I think she's being nice!
34:39Come on!
34:40There we go.
34:41That's it.
34:41The game is over.
34:42Tomo, you were beaten.
34:43Chun-Li is our champion.
34:45Congratulations.
34:46Yeah!
34:47Yeah!
34:48Yeah!
34:50Yeah!
34:54We're going to take a break while Josh picks up all those balls,
34:57tries to get his breath and his dignity back.
35:00This isn't the last we've seen of this table, tennis table,
35:03because coming up is Jeremy's special game.
35:05All right, we'll see you soon.
35:07Oh, my God!
35:08Oh, my God!
35:10Oh, my God!
35:21All right, it's time to whip out your balls and make quite a racket
35:24with a round of Jeremy's special game.
35:25This week, my special game is Ping Pong the News.
35:28In this round, a player from each team will go head-to-head
35:31in a high-stakes table tennis match,
35:33during which they must answer my topical trivia questions.
35:36Most correct answers, after we've summed up all the games,
35:39will win and that team will get the star.
35:41Got it?
35:42Really doesn't matter.
35:43We're going to play it anyway.
35:43All right, Paul and Hayley, you're first up.
35:45Grab your rackets.
35:46Grab your balls.
35:47Here we go.
35:53So, Paul is serving 45 seconds on the clock.
35:56You want to get the questions right,
35:57but you also want to win the table tennis.
35:59OK.
35:59I'm going to get my dinger,
36:00just to make sure you know when the game is over.
36:02All right, here we go.
36:03Are you ready?
36:03Yep.
36:04Start playing.
36:05Oh, my God!
36:05Which iconic New Zealand band reunited at Electric Avenue this week?
36:08Yes.
36:08What happens to the hair when the cuticle is damaged,
36:10leaving the inner to dry out and unravel?
36:13It curls!
36:14No.
36:14It's the same as the first question.
36:16Split ends.
36:17Correct.
36:17The Warriors open their season this weekend.
36:19Where is their home ground?
36:20Mount Smart.
36:21Mount Smart.
36:21Go Media, Mount Smart.
36:22Correct.
36:22Which former Prime Minister was spotted house hunting in Sydney?
36:25Jacinda Ardern.
36:26What city has a new foal line discovered under this week?
36:28Hamilton.
36:29No.
36:29I can't hear you, Corby.
36:30What city has a new foal line discovered under it this week?
36:33Christchurch.
36:33Wellington.
36:34No.
36:35Auckland.
36:36Yes, correct.
36:36Hayley gets one.
36:38The New Zealand Open was last weekend.
36:40If one under is a birdie, what's one over?
36:42A chookie.
36:43Bogie.
36:44Correct.
36:44Paul gets correct.
36:45When was the most recent blood moon?
36:47Last night.
36:48No, on Wednesday.
36:50Tuesday.
36:51Tuesday.
36:52That is it.
36:53It was Tuesday.
36:58Oh, my God.
36:59Wow.
37:00Thanks.
37:00You're really good.
37:01You're really good.
37:02You're really good.
37:02You're really good.
37:03Yeah.
37:04My scores.
37:05Good game.
37:06Good game.
37:07By my measure.
37:08Paul got five.
37:09And Hayley, you got two.
37:10So the scores do accumulate, though.
37:13Next two up.
37:13Come on.
37:14Becky and Lisa.
37:15You're facing each other.
37:19This is a Bears two-on-one.
37:23Get it.
37:2445 seconds.
37:26Go.
37:26What New Zealand snack was King Charles recently seen with?
37:29The snack.
37:30No.
37:31Chocolate slab.
37:32No.
37:34Wow.
37:34No hitting the host.
37:35What are you doing?
37:37F1 starts.
37:38What are you doing?
37:39Get going.
37:40Hit it to me.
37:40F1 starts this weekend in Melbourne.
37:42What does the F stand for in F1?
37:44Football.
37:45Formula.
37:45No.
37:46Yes.
37:46Formula.
37:46Correct.
37:47One for you.
37:47Saturday was the last day of summer.
37:48She hit my baby.
37:49What season are we in now?
37:51What did you say?
37:53Saturday was the last day of summer.
37:54What season are we in now?
37:55Autumn.
37:56Autumn is correct.
37:57That is two for you.
37:58We move on.
37:58Jim Carrey was accused of wearing a mask this week.
38:00Not being real.
38:00In which movie does he famously wear a mask?
38:02Oh, the mask.
38:03The mask.
38:04Recent reports about health star ratings came out this week.
38:06Which rating is better for you?
38:07One star or five star?
38:08Five star.
38:09Five is correct.
38:10That is time.
38:11Wow, Lisa.
38:18That is fantastic.
38:19Becky, you can sit down.
38:21Tomo and Tony, you are up.
38:23Now, at this stage...
38:26You can do it too, man.
38:31Before we start, I just want to say, Corby, great game man.
38:35You don't need to battle me up, because at this stage,
38:38I have team one on five and team two on six.
38:41So you are leading by one point.
38:43Okay, 45 seconds.
38:44I know what that means.
38:45Three, two, one, go.
38:47The town of Pairo is the home of antiques.
38:48What else is it known for?
38:49Alan Pears.
38:50Who climbed the Empire State Building?
38:51King Kong.
38:52Yes.
38:53Well done.
38:54What is the currency of Vietnam?
38:56Dong?
38:56Yes.
38:57What sport are you currently playing?
38:59King Kong.
39:00Correct.
39:01Tauranga Council received 34 complaints about poo from which flying animal?
39:05A duck.
39:06No.
39:06It's a small one.
39:07A human?
39:08Bat.
39:09Cow?
39:10No.
39:11It's bees.
39:11I'm going to move on.
39:12A couple are in custody after crashing a stolen what in two-tree in Hastings?
39:16Motorbike?
39:17Motorbike.
39:18Lime scooter.
39:19A sex wagon.
39:20No.
39:21A dog.
39:21A father and son couple bike around the world say which country's drivers are the most aggro?
39:25New Zealand.
39:26Correct.
39:26What is the term?
39:28Opportunity shoppertunity often shortened to.
39:30That is time.
39:31Thank goodness because I don't think the table can take it anywhere else.
39:36Wow.
39:44Team one, you've got five.
39:45Team two, you've got eleven.
39:46Team two gets the start.
39:50I've got a sore shoulder.
39:53Okay.
39:54Alright, it's your turn at home now to fire up your brains for the Burger Fuel Brain Grill.
39:57Take a look at this image.
39:59It is from 2003.
40:01Have a look at that.
40:02What is going on in that image?
40:04Have a look on our Facebook or Instagram pages.
40:06Send in your funniest answer you could win thanks to Burger Fuel.
40:09You do that.
40:10We'll prepare for a game of Caption That.
40:11Don't miss it.
40:12See you soon on Seven Days.
40:24Oh, this is Seven Days.
40:26Welcome back.
40:27I hope it's the show you're meant to watch.
40:28It's the final part of the show we're playing now.
40:30Caption that for the first time in ages.
40:31Can't wait.
40:32Teams, I will show you a picture from the last seven days.
40:34All you need to do is caption it for me.
40:36Pretty simple.
40:37Paul, you're simple.
40:38You can start.
40:40Is this what happens inside my boyfriend's brain when I ask him,
40:43What are you thinking?
40:46Is this trying to find your kid after the school trip to Motat?
40:51Is this just some of the people Tomo hasn't beaten in table tennis?
40:58Oh, that's me in the middle immediately after becoming single last year.
41:05I see my milkshake has brought all the boys to the house.
41:09Is this when you open the door to Corbett's basement?
41:14Sunlight!
41:15Sunlight, please!
41:16Please!
41:17Please!
41:18My scrape of water, sir!
41:21Is this Tomo sheets under the microscope?
41:26Please!
41:27Sunlight!
41:28Please!
41:29Sunlight soap again!
41:32That is a small snapshot,
41:34a small portion of the approximately 10,000 men in loincloths
41:37trying to snatch a lucky wooden stick
41:40during the EO Naked Festival in Okiyama in Japan.
41:44That's worse than what we were saying.
41:46Back to you, Team One.
41:48What's the caption for this picture?
41:49Ooh.
41:50Oh, yuck.
41:51It's a scientist's attempt to grow a new Trump.
41:57Lab workers at Ozempic ask people
41:59to stop sending the fat you've lost back to us.
42:03Brad just couldn't work out
42:04what went wrong with his first pavlova.
42:08Is this transplant doctors looking at my liver
42:12after I ticked non-drinker on my donor board?
42:15I think it's what comes out of your baby's car seat
42:18any time you tip it up.
42:20Yeah.
42:21It's horrific.
42:22Two young first homebuyers
42:23are shown what they actually can afford.
42:26LAUGHTER
42:28The real caption there,
42:29Trainees produce various rubber compounds
42:31at the Continental Rubber Plant in Korbach,
42:33which is in Germany.
42:34Team Two, your turn now.
42:36Caption this.
42:37Oh, that's my boyfriend when he's here
42:39and tells me to back dad ass up.
42:41LAUGHTER
42:43Man's friends don't want to tell him
42:45that when they advertise donkey rides...
42:48LAUGHTER
42:50LAUGHTER
42:51Um, is it ninja donkey attacks man?
42:54LAUGHTER
42:56Is it despite being the only donkey in the group,
42:59Geoff insisted on playing Mary in the Nativity?
43:03LAUGHTER
43:04LAUGHTER
43:07The real caption is,
43:08an Afghan athlete carries a donkey on his shoulders
43:11to show his strength.
43:12And we are impressed.
43:13Both teams, you did great captioning,
43:15but for points, let's give team one.
43:17Uh, $334,800,
43:19the prize Daniel Hillier earned
43:21for winning the New Zealand Golf Open in Queenstown.
43:23Also got married eight days earlier.
43:25So, it's cool to play golf on your honeymoon.
43:28LAUGHTER
43:29All right, team two, we're going to stick with golf.
43:32You can have the score.
43:33Stuart Duff shot at Hastings Golf Course last week.
43:35He shot a 62, which is a great score,
43:37but notable because he is 63.
43:39Oh.
43:40Which means he achieved a rare feat of golfing
43:42by beating his age on the scorecard.
43:45Congratulations, Stuart.
43:46So, congratulations.
43:47Team one, you get the star.
43:49CHEERING
43:51And we have a winner.
43:53And that means if we look at the star chart,
43:56the overall winner for the night is both teams.
43:58It's a draw.
43:58What a waste of time.
44:01What a waste of time.
44:03You can have this to the first week.
44:05You have the score.
44:06You can have the bottom.
44:08Wow.
44:09Enjoy your new lives as mermaids and mermens.
44:13Like you all know, evil octopus queens steal your voice.
44:16All right, that just leads me to thank you so much for watching
44:18and please join me in thanking Paul, Becky, Josh,
44:21Hayley, Lisa and Clean Tony.
44:22We'll see you in seven days on Seven Days.
44:25CHEERING
44:29Thank you, New Zealand On Air.
44:30Thanks to you, I can afford two nights at a campsite.
44:33LAUGHTER
44:35Imagine me camping.
44:36LAUGHTER
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