- 13 hours ago
First broadcast 16th/23rd February 1986.
What will the tycoon owner of Rathouse International do to Harry Stringer's respectable but doomed Daily Crucible?
Geoffrey Palmer - Harold Stringer
Richard Kane - Greg Kettle
Robert Hardy - Twiggy Rathbone/Russell Spam
Geoffrey Hutchings - Max Rutherford
Aubrey Morris - Old Man
Edita Brychta - Lady Deborah
Helena McCarthy - Old Woman
Sean Blowers - Photographer
Roderic Leigh - Reporter
Aden Gillett - Reporter (as Aden Gillet)
Christopher Timothy - Newsreader (voice)
Jack Watling - Prime Minister MacNamara
Aubrey Morris - Nikita Kruschev
John Gordon Sinclair - Bill Tytla (as John Gordon-Sinclair)
Yvonne D'Alpra - Mrs Tape
John Horsley - Father Teasdale
Helen Atkinson Wood - Television Interviewer (as Helen Atkinson-Wood)
Eliza Buckingham - Mrs MacNamara
Michael Chesden - Waiter
Nicholas Geake - Television Announcer
Julia Gilbert - Asst. Stage Manager
What will the tycoon owner of Rathouse International do to Harry Stringer's respectable but doomed Daily Crucible?
Geoffrey Palmer - Harold Stringer
Richard Kane - Greg Kettle
Robert Hardy - Twiggy Rathbone/Russell Spam
Geoffrey Hutchings - Max Rutherford
Aubrey Morris - Old Man
Edita Brychta - Lady Deborah
Helena McCarthy - Old Woman
Sean Blowers - Photographer
Roderic Leigh - Reporter
Aden Gillett - Reporter (as Aden Gillet)
Christopher Timothy - Newsreader (voice)
Jack Watling - Prime Minister MacNamara
Aubrey Morris - Nikita Kruschev
John Gordon Sinclair - Bill Tytla (as John Gordon-Sinclair)
Yvonne D'Alpra - Mrs Tape
John Horsley - Father Teasdale
Helen Atkinson Wood - Television Interviewer (as Helen Atkinson-Wood)
Eliza Buckingham - Mrs MacNamara
Michael Chesden - Waiter
Nicholas Geake - Television Announcer
Julia Gilbert - Asst. Stage Manager
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00I like The Daily Crucible because it's a paper that makes me think.
00:03It's extraordinarily well written, and I find its political coverage unrivaled in sheer depth and...
00:09Mr. Stringer, can we keep to the point, please?
00:12Yes, sorry. Am I going to resign? Certainly not.
00:15The Daily Crucible and myself are here to stay. Make no mistake about that.
00:22The Daily Crucible was set up 18 months ago by a private business consortium
00:26with a mission to print the absolute truth.
00:28Free from bias and free from distortion, it was a recipe for economic disaster.
00:34Circulation figures and advertising revenue were so abysmal
00:37that within weeks the entire enterprise was being labelled the product of a diseased mind.
00:42Then, three months later, came a sensation.
00:45Deeply upset by allegations of the paper's poor news coverage,
00:48The Crucible's editor, Humphrey Brassett, threw himself out of his office room.
00:53The event made front-page headlines in every national newspaper except The Crucible.
00:58Which missed the story.
01:00The paper's new editor, Harry Stringer, once named by a leading woman's magazine,
01:04The Dullest Man in Britain, was unable to stop the rot.
01:08And this week, the signs are that the paper's backers may have to give way and sell up.
01:12There are known to be several parties interested in buying up The Crucible,
01:16But the favourite must surely be this man, Terence Twiggy Rathbone,
01:21Chairman and Managing Director of the multi-million pound Rathouse International Corporation.
01:27Mr. Rathbone's business empire is already vast by any standards,
01:31But he has never yet fulfilled his long-cherished ambition to acquire a Fleet Street daily.
01:36By this time next week, that dream may well have become a reality.
01:45And though I can't talk about take-overs now, I've got a newspaper to bring out.
01:49Bloody press.
01:51Come in.
01:52It's just a quick one, is it, Harry?
01:54I'm halfway through an unnatural act in a lavatory.
01:58Sit down, Greg.
02:01I've, uh, I've had a letter of complaint
02:04from a Mrs. Edna Sperling
02:06who works as housekeeper at the home of Lady Deborah Harrington Scott in Chelsea.
02:10Oh, yes.
02:11She says yesterday morning, just after Lady Deborah had gone out shopping,
02:14she received a visit from a rather greasy-looking character
02:17who claimed to be from the North Thames gas port.
02:22While I was waiting to be asked,
02:23the man pushed his way into the bedroom
02:24and began rummaging through the drawers.
02:26Challenged on this, he said some gas had escaped
02:28and he was trying to find it.
02:31Bizarre little story.
02:33While we're on the subject of bizarre little stories, Greg,
02:36Prince Andrew's new girlfriend wears kinky black suspenders
02:38and that's official.
02:41Dishy Deborah Harrington Scott, it was revealed today,
02:43has an extensive wardrobe of saucy unmentionables,
02:46including sinful French knickers and frilly lace garters,
02:49guaranteed to give any young prince a royal flush.
02:53How can you write this salacious odium?
02:56Well, I suppose it's a gift.
02:59Anyhow, if you'll excuse me...
03:00I'm not standing for it any longer, Greg, I've had enough.
03:03The time has come for the parting of the ways.
03:05I see.
03:07You've made your mind up, have you?
03:09I have.
03:10Oh.
03:11Well, I'll be sorry to see you go, Annie.
03:15You're a bloody good editor.
03:16I'm not going anywhere, Greg.
03:17You are.
03:19It's all in there.
03:21I'll take it and leave my office.
03:22Go.
03:25Harry Stringer.
03:26What?
03:28When?
03:30Oh, my God, no.
03:32This is a great day for Fleet Street, gentlemen.
03:35Under the new ownership of Rat House International,
03:37the daily crucible will go from strength to strength,
03:40embodying the noble traditions of free speech
03:43and the unrestricted flow of information for all.
03:45Mr. Redford, no further comments.
03:53This is no ego trip for me, gentlemen.
03:56I like to keep a low profile.
03:58Of course, there will be changes.
03:59But change is the crankshaft in the drive for progress.
04:04And talking of crankshaft,
04:06what can I say about Harry Stringer here?
04:09One of the finest newsmen of his generation.
04:13During his time as editor,
04:15the crucible has gone from bad to worse.
04:18The chair of the market has plunged to an all-time low.
04:22But does he get downhearted?
04:23Does he go around snivelling and whining about it?
04:26Of course he does.
04:28Because he's a human being just like you and me, you cats.
04:33And that's why, as from today, I'm upgrading you, Harry.
04:36You'll be taking over the brand-new post of executive managing editor.
04:40I'm surprised.
04:41Oh.
04:42Well, I don't really know what to say.
04:44Finally, gentlemen, I want you to rest assured
04:46that I shall confine my involvement on the crucible
04:48to affairs of management only.
04:51I don't hold with megalomaniac press barons
04:54who try and stamp their politics on anything.
04:58I'm foolish!
04:59But the crucible must retain its independence.
05:02And that's why I've appointed as the new editor
05:04Mr. Russell Spam.
05:07A man whose name is synonymous with integrity in journalism.
05:12Russell Spam?
05:13I don't think any Russell's ever heard of Russell.
05:15Spam's worked miracles on some of my African titles.
05:18He's a man after my own heart.
05:19I think you'll like him.
05:21As a matter of fact,
05:22if you ought to be here by now,
05:24if you'll excuse me,
05:25I'll just go and see where he's got.
05:27Well, congratulations
05:30on becoming an executive managing editor.
05:32Oh, thank you, Max.
05:34What exactly does an executive managing editor do?
05:39Um, well, basically, I'll be, um...
05:44Well, it'll be my job to...
05:46Gentlemen, I don't believe we've met.
05:50I'm sorry?
05:55Spam's the name.
06:00Russell Spam.
06:03I just passed Twiggy on the way in.
06:06He had to rush off before the bank closed.
06:10Rest assured, everyone,
06:11that I shall take up this job
06:13just where you left off.
06:15Your newspaper couldn't be in safer hands.
06:36Oh, my God, I'm dreadful...
06:41Harry, come in, come in.
06:43It's not a change of plan.
06:43Thompson admin gave me an office without a bathroom.
06:46We've had to fix you up with summer temper.
06:48It's not ideal,
06:49but, uh, we'll get pushed for space.
06:52Oh, dear.
06:54Where have you put me?
06:55In the lift.
07:03Counselor?
07:06Oh, no, you come through on the wrong extension.
07:11I used to be the editor,
07:13but now I've been promoted
07:15to executive managing editor.
07:20Well, I'm responsible for the, uh...
07:23I, um...
07:25Well, basically, my job now is to...
07:27Can I call you back?
07:29Well, there's the Israeli push into the Beqar Valley.
07:32500 dead, according to agency reports.
07:34Have we got a man in the war, sir?
07:36Jeff Tindall's in Riyadh.
07:37I could put him straight on a plane for Lebanon.
07:38With great respect, gentlemen,
07:40this is the daily crucible,
07:42not the Beirut bugle.
07:44If I want to see Jewish atrocities,
07:45I can go and watch Sammy Davis Jr.
07:50People in Britain want to know
07:51what's happening here...
07:53now.
07:55The crucible is a limp organ.
07:56It needs pepping up.
07:58I'm sorry, Russell.
07:59I can't agree.
07:59The crucible's function is to provide
08:01a serious, in-depth analysis
08:03of world affairs.
08:05Independent of external constraints.
08:08Yes.
08:09Where the editor has complete, unfettered control.
08:12Certainly.
08:12Free from interference
08:14from busybody executives.
08:17Absolutely.
08:18So, it's agreed, then.
08:19What this paper needs is new blood.
08:21Someone who can turn out copy.
08:22Like this story in today's song.
08:27Palace Playmate
08:28supports sexy sizzlers.
08:30Exposed.
08:31The undercover secrets
08:33of Royal Romeo's
08:34perv-gear princess.
08:35Prince Andrew's new girlfriend
08:37wears kinky black suspenders
08:38and that's official.
08:41But, you know where the son
08:42got this nugget of gold?
08:44From a freelance
08:44called Greg Kettle.
08:46Well, gentlemen,
08:47that reporter is a freelance
08:48no longer.
08:49I've snapped him up
08:49for a six-figure sum
08:50to come and work for us.
08:51You're not serious.
08:53I don't hang about, Harry.
08:54Life's too short.
08:56Lady Deborah
08:56is the hottest thing
08:57on newsprint at the moment
08:58and Kettle's the man
08:59to come up with the goods.
09:00I've sent him out this morning
09:01to Switzerland
09:02to cover the royal skiing holiday.
09:04I don't think he'll let us down.
09:09Oui, qu'est-ce que c'est?
09:10Oh, good evening, Madame Press.
09:12I'm looking for somewhere
09:13to spend the night.
09:14There is no room here.
09:15Try the Hotel Saint-Just.
09:17Now, the Hotel Saint-Just
09:18is full up.
09:19It's being used as a place
09:20by gossip columnists
09:21from Der Spiegel.
09:23Zinza Plastermontagne
09:24next door.
09:24Oh, that's full up as well.
09:25Paris Match, Newsweek,
09:27and the Bridlington Mercury
09:28got there first.
09:29Everywhere's full.
09:30Now, I'm sure you wouldn't
09:31refuse accommodation
09:31to a member
09:32of Her Majesty's Press.
09:33You cannot possibly
09:35stay in my chalet.
09:36I appreciate your concern
09:37for my welfare,
09:38but I've slept in worse
09:40squalor than this.
09:41Oh, I'll just move this
09:42out of the way.
09:43An elderly person
09:44might fall out.
09:46That is...
09:47That is my lodger.
09:49He's very old.
09:50Oh, well, he'll grow out of it
09:51in due course, Madame.
09:53Now, then, you will, of course,
09:54be recompensed
09:56for this inconvenience.
09:57The British press
09:58is not without honour.
10:00Invoice to our accounts department.
10:01They'll come to an arranger.
10:08Den of sex,
10:09dentists,
10:10appointments with lust.
10:12Atom leak mum
10:13in boy George Mercidash.
10:16Toupees cause cancer.
10:18It's a fact.
10:22Of course you're concerned,
10:23Harry.
10:24It's only natural.
10:25The concern
10:26is the squashed hedgehog
10:28on the road to the colony.
10:31Russell's got his finger
10:32on the pulse.
10:32It's not for me to interfere.
10:34I think I'd feel
10:35a lot happier, sir,
10:36if you could clarify
10:38exactly what are my
10:39responsibilities
10:40as executive managing editor.
10:42You're the top dog, Harry.
10:44Yes.
10:45But what actually is my job?
10:48Your job, Harry,
10:49is to...
10:49Oh, excuse me
10:50just one moment.
10:51Ah, Russell,
10:52everything under control.
10:53I've just been talking
10:54to Harry.
10:55Harry.
10:56Harry who?
10:58Harry Stringer.
10:59Oh, yes.
11:00One of the finest
11:01newsmen of his generation,
11:02sir.
11:02I agree, Russell.
11:04The man's a legend.
11:06Exactly.
11:07But I think
11:07something's bothering him.
11:09Maybe I should have a word,
11:11sir,
11:11for his mind at rest.
11:12Would you, Russell?
11:13Certainly, sir.
11:14I'd appreciate it
11:15if you could do that.
11:17Harry!
11:18How's it going?
11:20Come back to the office
11:22and we'll talk.
11:25And as if all that
11:26wasn't bad enough, Russell.
11:28This afternoon,
11:29I was flicking through
11:30the news desk diary
11:31and I found this.
11:34Under December the 23rd,
11:36exactly nine months
11:36from today,
11:37it says
11:37royal baby,
11:39question mark.
11:40What does it mean, Russell?
11:43Oh, God!
11:52His liver's blood
11:53and talismanobyu.
11:54Oh, God!
11:57Oh, God!
12:04I can't get
12:05all this. I can't get
12:08all this. Oh, God!
12:11Oh, God!
12:11Oh, God!
12:26yes explanation explanation for this unwarranted intrusion into my personal
12:33privacy what gives you the right to break into hotel rooms and spy on girls in
12:38their underwear it's called the freedom of the press it's what distinguishes our
12:43society from those of Eastern Europe you people are the filth of the earth it's a
12:47school of thought oh don't you
13:03and the rest of you
13:21do you do it in your bed or in his
13:30yes catch line wild cat in a brutal and totally unprovoked attack yesterday society sex kitten
13:39deborah harrington scott blob punched me viciously in the stomach blob produced a knuckle duster and
13:46socked me on the jaw blob broke a small soup tureen over my head comma screaming quotes F for Freddy
13:54a dash dash
13:55dash dash off you greasy little w dash dash dash dash dash dash exclamation box close quotes new park a
14:05palace spokesman denied that lady deborah has a history of heavy drinking
14:18and that's what we've got for tomorrow
14:39east west summit 200 dead
14:39You know, I think that we should...
14:43Spam!
14:47Harry who?
14:50Harry, where are you?
14:52Stuck?
14:53Between floors?
14:55Well, that's terrible, Harry, just terrible.
14:58Still, can't be helped.
14:59Try pressing the alarm button.
15:02Bye!
15:03Listen, I think I've got one.
15:05Pornographic videos.
15:09Pornographic videos.
15:10Can you imagine the sensation if we revealed that during her days as a model,
15:13Lady Deborah once took part in a porno movie?
15:16The print lies like that, we'll all end up in the tower.
15:18They can't sue us for publishing malicious rumours in good faith.
15:22Rumours? I've heard any rumours.
15:23All right, listen to this one.
15:26Some filth merchant in Soho is peddling sex films with Lady Deborah in them.
15:32Is he?
15:34They could be.
15:39We print a couple of blurred stills of a naked girl on the job and ask,
15:44Is he gone, isn't he?
15:45The Crucible says no.
15:47We condemn this evil and disgusting slander.
15:48There's your front lead, man.
15:50Lady Deb in blue movie queen quiz.
15:53Royals rot by shock pawns dawn.
15:55The queen forbids them to meet again.
15:57We're off to the races.
15:58Hardcore heartbreak for playboy prince.
16:01Bear all antics.
16:02Spike royal love fling.
16:05You know, we're going to have to get maintenance to do something about these lifts.
16:14That feels good, Nancy.
16:18I wish I had nipples like yours, Jane.
16:23Hey, looks like we're just in time.
16:27What's this one called again?
16:29Oh, Christ knows.
16:30They're all beginning to look the same, huh?
16:33Red hot nymphos from Rangoon.
16:39Oh...
16:41Oh...
16:42Hey.
16:43What are you guys doing on my kitchen table?
16:46Oh, hold it down, Max.
16:49Huh?
16:49Spool it back.
16:53What are you guys doing on my kitchen table?
16:56Oh...
16:57What are you guys doing on my kitchen table?
17:00Oh...
17:01Startura...
17:02Freeze it!
17:07it's nothing like it slightly out of focus a bit of airbrushing
17:15andy get a photographer in here we just found our front page picture
17:28right Russell so ideally what we're looking for is Royals cancel skiing trip and rush
17:33home to deal with porno scandal I'll see what I can do bye I'll have some more toast if you've
17:43got it
17:43and can you get me another cup of tea this one's got a piece of string in it you know
17:49your face looks
17:50familiar you weren't landlord of the Amschemel beer garden at the time of the 76 Munich Massacre
17:56by any choice now what was that man's name Khrushchev Nikita Khrushchev no no began
18:07with a D as he had a very novel way of writing his name in the froth I used to
18:13amuse the ladies
18:15what name did you say Khrushchev Khrushchev he was leader of Russia wasn't he 1953 to 1964
18:29and then came the discreditation because see you guys they were always hungry for power what are you
18:41all about the supreme soviet did what it could to bury my name my death was a fiction the body
18:53was
18:53me called bull terrier 15 years I've lived here if they only know I've had a call from Harry Russell
19:15he tells me you've been sailing close to the wind on this royal story if I've upset Harry Stringer I'm
19:23a
19:23boil on face journalism sir I hereby tender my resignation that's a fine noble gesture Russell
19:31but I can't I'll give you one more chance I'll try to be worthy of it sir oh oh look
19:40here this
19:40ludicrous charade has gone on quite long I thought I'd find you both in here
19:50I mean I just they'll skin us alive they'll take us for every penny we've got
19:54Russell this statement just been issued by lady Deborah solicitors my god what did I tell you we have
20:00finished listen to this we write with reference to your front page article today alluding to an
20:05appearance by lady Deborah Harrington Scott in a video production titled red hot nymphos from Rangoon
20:11the aforesaid article has caused deep distress and embarrassment to our client and we hereby
20:16I formerly serve notes of the following one that our client only took part in the above film because
20:20of her adverse financial position two that she has subsequently appeared in no other similar
20:27productions and three that she here and after has agreed to terminate her relationship with his
20:31royal highness to spare the latter's family further embarrassment sensational match clear the center
20:37spread front three and five you'll get a town on this one great work Russell I knew you could do
20:42it
20:47well yes yes there is I'm just about sick and tired of all the spam what oh the man's been
21:01dead for
21:01years great what are you talking about I'm telling you Russell it's him oh hang on hang on just a
21:08second
21:09what do you want what's all this rumor about Apollo video I can't tell you it's exclusive look I'm
21:14sorry I'll see you later what's going on put a bird in there what oh yes I have yes in
21:20flagrante
21:20with a stunning alpine temptress goes like a rocket are you going to come and finish this before he gets
21:26it's cold Russell look I can't talk anymore the place is swarming with ribaldus my god if it's true bring
21:38him back here at once Greg I don't care what it takes crucible struck gold again Harry this could be
21:45the
21:45biggest thing since Lazarus what would you like Mr Rathbone I think I'll have the Trattoria Maritimo that's the
22:04restaurant sir yes that's what I'll have acquisitive as ever Adrian you know I
22:14often think it's a good thing that the government don't find out about your little business maneuvers
22:21quite so prime minister talking of which Mr Rathbone there was most extraordinary demonstrations going
22:28on down in the street when we came in something about cheap labor in North American lines propaganda
22:34Mrs McNamara left-wing crazies at work yeah well it says here some of your laborers are digging the
22:41mineral out of the rocks with their bare hands I believe in a return to Victorian values
22:47yes of course it's just that well in a uranium mine health risks are minimized prime minister
22:54every worker is issued with his own asbestos suit
23:00yes anyway you've made it into Queen Street at last I see the newspapers are the cow dung in the
23:06field of
23:07communications Mrs McNamara but they have they're useless unpredictable beast to take our bill next week on the
23:17restoration of the restoration of capital punishment signs are it's going to be a very close thing all it
23:25needs is a slight nudge in public opinion I think I catch your drift
23:32of course I have no control over the Daly Crucible's political view oh whatever I have no control over any
23:43inquiry into your South American operations becomes that no no no I'm quite sure that your record on
23:50human rights is utterly without blemish
23:58well now what would you like to start this project
24:15a good journalist knows how to protect his story Harry there's some right villains in Fleet Street
24:19these days I must just say this is madness for us everyone knows Khrushchev died in 1971 in obscurity
24:27what proof did the world ever have that he was really dead oh for god's sake Russell why don't
24:33we say we found Trotsky and Rasputin as well it would make a nasty cold catch
24:44what's the news to me is he still alive not disgusting but didn't seem rather personal
24:50he doesn't look a bit like Khrushchev or Groucher but we've sure got to prove it Russell we've got
24:55to have hard evidence we'll have the evidence Harry if this checks out it won't be dynamite it'll be
24:59thermonuclear get it to tell us politics the power the passion born again supremo spills sex secrets
25:09lifts lead on loves and lust
25:15I'm impressed Russell you've sat it on your homework on this one
25:19they've been over it with a fine-toothed scalpel sir examine every square molecule of
25:23in the man he's Christian you're looking queasy Harry what's the matter well these
25:30Sovietologists certainly argue a cogent case I agree but I can't pretend I don't have reservations
25:37reservations are the condoms in the birth of new ideas Harry
25:42when I take over a business I take the back seat right Russell
25:45right Russell your policy of lesser fare is a beacon of inspiration to all fleet street
25:49people calling you the new Roy Thompson
25:54I trust that man implicitly Harry he's young he's new he has a fresh view
26:01he can smell a scoop when he sees one now now then what do you say
26:28you're just to warn you stamp age seven the iran iraq peace initiative
26:31it's been spiked yeah there's a replacement on its way love tug budgie and millet dope riddle
26:46you know I think I may have managed to convince myself max what about khrushchev
26:54after all the most distinguished experts in the country are prepared to go on the record
27:00maybe I've misjudged spam I mean perhaps deep down he's actually a my godfather's what are they
27:07artwork samples for the hanging spread hanging spread what hanging spread new rush job to
27:12coincide with the commons vote on monday there's the memo from spam
27:18should we reinstate the rope for rippers or let homicidal psychopaths prowl the streets on
27:24probation the crucible carefully considers both sides of the issue
27:30who's on this as if i didn't know cattle and bill titler left a couple of hours ago
27:34greg says something about a brilliant new angle he wanted to chase up you haven't put young titler
27:39onto a story with greg kettle and i had such high hopes for that boy
27:48you've got your note
27:52we've come here to talk to the relatives of a murder victim is that right not the relatives of a
27:56murder
27:56victim no the friend of a murder victim not exactly the friend of the murder victim no
28:02we have come here to talk to the murder victim
28:08murder victim is dead a dead person talked to us hello is there anybody there
28:19this is gladys tape a great kettle of her majesty's press we spoke on the phone everything is ready
28:24i'm on the second floor now remember this woman is a very big medium we are about to enter a
28:33haven of peace
28:34and transcendental reverence
28:42yes i think the spirits are receptive mr kettle whom is it you wish to speak to
28:48i'd like to call up first mr edward daintree who was hacked to death by the butcher of bernard
28:59he is here mr daintree is with us now edward daintree there is one here who would speak with you
29:07will you respond go ahead please good morning mr daintree uh sorry to drag you down here
29:16we're doing a background piece on the rights and wrongs of the death penalty for convicted murderers
29:22now you were horribly disemboweled by one of these people at one point your head was cut
29:28off with a bread knife do you feel that a 10 or 15 year prison sentence is adequate for this
29:34sort of
29:34grisly crime uh-huh yes oh i know yes would you uh how do you spell
29:51right well thank you very much indeed then mr daintree
29:57was there anything you wanted to ask uh no i think that's covered most of my points
30:06well thank you very much then mrs tape next i wonder if you could get hold of a mrs bell
30:14elmore cripping
30:18don't talk to me about sociologists unquote said a5 murder victim harry langham
30:25small intestines were found in a ditch point new car quotes they know f for freddy dash dash dash all
30:33about
30:33anything more to follow later
30:44yes it requires a special kind of skill the job of the reporter very similar to that of the nuclear
30:52physicists called the brain surgeon i'm surprised you never went in for brain surgery greg
31:00many people have suggested it over the years it's the hand
31:09right this is the mock-up for monday's front we leave with khrushchev obviously all the background
31:14material substantiating evidence how the crucible scoured the world for six months to find him and
31:19so on and gradually we set the scene for the next day's issue and we start serializing his
31:24official memoirs as told to greg kettle i remember greg not too dry i want it spiced with scandal
31:31what were the young men of the kremlin like between the sheets was brezhnev really the superstar everyone
31:38claimed how did cosigin feel about women with big breasts
31:44right but don't trivialize it
31:50and on the center we run the background spread on hanging time to coincide with the commons vote
31:54later today
31:57yes i must say that for an article that purports to offer a fair evenly balanced discussion on the
32:03morality of capital punishment the headlines string the bastards up
32:10we've hardly touched on the harmful effect so far
32:13what would you suggest harry i suggest we give bill titler a free hand for a few days
32:19left to himself he might come up with something useful
32:29final tuesday bill titler daily crucible
32:32uh good uh you can start by taking that crate into the hall
32:44i'm afraid everything's rather a muddle they're closing the church down you see i really
32:52oh don't worry i'll get the brownies to move it later
32:58hey actually i wondered if i might have a word about your late brother mr trevor teasdale trevor
33:04oh yes sweet charming fellow well what did you want to know well i understand he was assistant
33:10chief hangman of great britain i don't want to talk about that i'm afraid no i never talk about
33:15it no i'm sorry i'm sorry fine fine point taken not my job to pry i understand a bit sensitive
33:21so you uh say you've got to pack up and move out then sadly yes so much to do and
33:29civil oh no no
33:31not in the sun please it was a tiny trouble
33:38you see prime minister the crucible spread on hanging is pretty well sewn up for tomorrow's
33:44edition i'd be a rogue rapscallum if i tried to interfere with that coffee now oh absolutely
33:50twiggy well the crucible must print the crucible must print cigar
34:02it appears to be a short list for the queen's birthday honors prime minister lord rathbone of
34:11it sir russell spam harold stringer cbe oh how careless i'll be twiggy this is highly confidential
34:20of course none of these has actually been confirmed yet names can still be removed
34:29with all due respect sir i feel it morally wrong and totally indefensible that three
34:35honors should be bestowed on a single newspaper the strike off harry stringer
34:43and the attendances never did pick up so down came the episcopal decree the church has got to go
34:51it's very sad father still i suppose i'd better be off thanks very much for the tea and sandwiches
34:59bye now oh sorry there was just one small detail i wanted to check before i go about your brother
35:07he uh died on march the 4th 1973 is that right quinn quagesima yes that's right because i remember
35:16actually being at home at the time with my parents all celebrating quinn quagesima i remember them
35:22saying on the news that the home secretary had just granted a pardon to raymond evans the man your
35:28brother had hanged 17 years before that was quite a coincidence i suppose your brother dying that very
35:35same day i told you i didn't want to talk about that oh oh no no i wouldn't want you
35:40to
35:41i've never said a word to anybody about it in 13 years right well you know what the press would
35:47do with a story like that and i don't want to talk about it ever again don't you understand
35:53how i went to his house that day
35:57found him there hanging from the banisters
36:02the rope all taut and rigid round his neck
36:07he always could tie a good knot trip
36:13your brother a former hangman hanged himself he couldn't bear it you see knowing that he'd taken
36:19an innocent man's life like that well i think you're absolutely right not to talk about it father
36:28now when you first found him hanging there change of plan everyone the bbc's check has bounced the
36:35breakfast time appearance is cancelled
36:38it's time of being for a special live interview of mighty vietnam tonight
36:46okay careful with him boys he's exclusive this is terrific will just what the spread needs to put
36:54some sanity back into it bill tickler's just come back with a good one for the spread max a hangman
37:01who hanged himself when he found he'd executed an innocent man the whole spread was molded ten minutes
37:09you can't we run this on page three at all there's a piece about princess diana being anorexic again
37:21dies shock slack tight spark slim play scare weight loss health fear over royal knee wrinkle
37:30what does this mean oh we should have seen last night at the theater one leg of a tight slightly
37:34baggy do you think she's lost weight on it look this is her yesterday this is her the same day
37:41last
37:41year oh who the hell gives a toss about princess diana's bloody tights i'm sick to death of oh my
37:48god
37:50oh my god and here on lwt in a moment a change of program we present a special live interview
37:58with
37:59former soviet leader nikita khrushchev
38:10you
38:12yes rather fat and almost completely bald
38:16how do you spell that yes mr donald
38:26kubelsky
38:29chronic schizophrenia
38:33um and and what happened after he was discharged did he
38:38i see stay with friends in switzerland
38:51good evening
38:53tonight a rare moment in history
38:56former soviet premier nikita khrushchev ousted from power in 1964 and believed to have died in 1971
39:03was last week found alive by a reporter working for the daily crucible newspaper
39:09the crucible's editor mr russell spam is with me tonight with mr khrushchev himself
39:15now 93 years old but still i understand alert and articulate mr khrushchev can i start by asking you
39:22how does it feel to have been dead for 15 years
39:31mr khrushchev did you hear my question mr khrushchev mr khrushchev
39:48well we're going to move on now to tomorrow's debate in the commons on capital punishment
39:54all the polls show that the outcome is still very much in the balance
39:58earlier this evening the prime minister told me why he believed the death sentence was an effective deterrent
40:10what's the verdict
40:12is it serious
40:33The whole thing's a mess, Russell. Not only does this man die on live television.
40:39Now, you tell me it wasn't Khrushchev at all, but some fruitcake from a loopy bin.
40:43What can I say, Mr. Rathbone? I've had enough, Russell. You're fired. I quite understand, sir.
40:56Went to go in for a moment there, didn't I? What? April Fool, Russell. Excellent front page. Wait till Harry
41:06sees it. He'll be pleased as punch.
41:09TV death blow spikes fool's day gag.
41:13The tragic death of a 75-year-old man on live TV last night sadly scuppered Britain's biggest ever national
41:19April Fool's Day spoof.
41:21The father of Incrucible had put up geriatric joker Mr. Donald Kubelski to his hoax role of Mr. Khrushchev as
41:28part of a special all-Fool's Day prank.
41:33Tell Spam I want to see him here in my office immediately.
41:36Harry, until you just dropped in to say the front page is a cracker.
41:40How you have the effrontery, Russell, to pass off this fiesta...
41:44Oh, incidentally, I've just read this hangman piece of young titlers, a first-rate job.
41:50Dute-ridden noose boss in string-up shock.
41:53Wrote chief's brother tells of heartache, lynch grief.
41:57It's a story that swings hanging debates, Harry.
41:59Shame it missed the paper.
42:01Oh, the word done from the chief whip's office is that the bill should cruise through this afternoon by seven
42:06votes.
42:07Thanks in no small measure to our Chamber of Horrors contribution, I dare say.
42:11Well, it's not good enough, Russell.
42:14I agree, Harry.
42:15We put on half a million readers, but we need more.
42:19We need a stronger image, a campaigning paper.
42:22A paper with a conscience.
42:24How's it sound for a new, long-running, moral crusade?
42:28The Crucible declares war on an enemy of society.
42:31An evil, power-crazed maniac, a rabid lunatic,
42:34who makes it look like padding to bear,
42:36and only the Crucible dares to stand up to him.
42:38Well, who is this person?
42:40We haven't found him yet, but give him time, Harry, give him time.
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